Latest / Erotic Spirit Podcast / IT ISN’T THE SEX - IT’S YOU

Transcript

IT ISN’T THE SEX - IT’S YOU · Erotic Spirit Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: When people feel like they're they're just like, I don't want sex, I'm not in the mood, and you know, think that the relationship can can fix things, that things are gonna evolve and they're gonna change.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_03: And time does not heal wounds.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: Unless it doesn't heal unless you're doing unless you're doing the work in that time because I feel like this year I lived several lifetimes, hundreds of lifetimes, because of all the stuff that I was getting in, right?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_03: And then time does not exist.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: But I I definitely feel that there's a lot of things that can contribute to that.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_03: And there's not like just one pinpoint.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_03: But if you're having this energy and this sexual energy that feels like it's it's surrounding you, is I just don't feel like doing it.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: This podcast discusses sensitive and sexual topics that may be triggering.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: Please understand we are not therapists, we are simply sharing from our own journey and experience.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for tuning in to the Erotic Spirit Podcast.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: My name is Angela Shelby.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm Jenna Lee.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: And today we are talking about sex and vibration, not vibrator, vibration distinction.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_03: So it's not the sex, it may be you.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so we we say this a lot.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: The quality of the energy you project is the quality of the energy that you receive in the world.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: So what do we mean by that?
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's your vibration.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: So the thoughts that you think, the emotions that you nurture and have, the patterns that you go through.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um belief systems.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Belief systems.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_03: Our belief systems create actions, even if they're deep in the subconscious and we're not aware of them.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_03: And that's really the basis of today.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, if you stick around, we'll be able to support you into how you can move past those belief systems and actually create the sex life that you desire.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: So it's I think of vibration like a smell.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody has a certain smell.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_03: What are that smelling?
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: What do I smell like?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: What's my what's my vibration?
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Vibration is like that.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's the quality of energy that we put off.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: So some people walk in the room and you're like, oh, they feel so good, or I don't know why I like them.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: There's just there's just something about them.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: And other people they walk in and you automatically start heading to the other end of the room.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: There's something about how they feel the vibration that they are projecting that uh is off-putting, doesn't mesh with our vibration.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: So that vibration, that's a good way to good example.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: But sex is the same way.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: The quality of the energy we project sexually, how we think about sex, how honest we are about sex, um, how satisfied we are, how much we acknowledge who we are sexually or how much we know ourselves, all of that is part of our sexual vibration.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what attracts our partners to us or sexual experiences to us.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_03: Or even how we s may stay in that space.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_03: So, and I hear this quite often, and I can be definitely one of the people who lived in that space for a while.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_03: The feeling of sex being a chore.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: And and having that feeling, like, oh gosh, like I have to because, you know, we're in this thing together and it's this long-term relationship, and it's like, I gotta do it, instead of more of the mindset of like, oh my gosh, I'm so excited to get naked tonight, and like what's gonna happen, right?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_03: So that that there's a huge difference there.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_03: And I think it's important to talk about the that vibration and and what is behind it.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_03: What are the what could be the beliefs behind it?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_03: And so I could speak for me and where I was at.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, I was in a long-term relationship, and for me, there was so much unprocessed trauma.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that's probably a really big basis behind a lot of these things, anyways.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_03: There's just a lot of beliefs that are connected to things.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_03: So for me, it was like worth like my value.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_03: Like I had things in my head that I wanted to do, and I never spoke it out loud.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_03: And I had a huge, huge unconscious connection to my worth and especially around my sexual trauma too as well.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_03: So I remember when I had actually done the this is at the very end of that relationship.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_03: I had done the somatic work with uh yoni and jade's egg.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_03: And what that really is, just very quick, is putting that uh Jade's egg, crystal egg into the yoni and inserting that and doing a lot of work.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_03: Your yoni is your vagina.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: If that's a new word for you, that's what your yoni is.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_03: And it's and it's all, and it's like really the energy of all, like that entire space too.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_03: But yes, putting inserting in and doing a lot of work around old lovers and old sexual experiences.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_03: So I was releasing anger, literally physically hitting pillows and releasing all this pent-up trauma that my body was holding on to.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I did it, I think it was like eight to ten days straight.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_03: And after that, I just remember having the best sex of my life.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_03: And there were so many stored beliefs too around all these things that were just being released.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_03: And then the relationship had ended shortly after, but it was the quality of what was moving through me.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_03: I released all these things, and then I just none of that was in my view anymore.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_03: None of that was in my mind anymore.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: And I just went and moved from that new space where it wasn't a chore.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_03: I moved forward and I pursued, and I was like, I'm gonna get in this, and it was beautiful.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: What I like most about your story and why I it's such a good example for this.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: I was I knew you during that relationship.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I knew it was having problems, and I knew you long before you even remembered your sexual trauma.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I have a very clear before and after picture.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: And the only thing that changed was you healing yourself.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Your relationship was still rough and not good.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: It was your partner didn't change.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the the only element that changed is you changing, processing your trauma, which affected your self-value and belief system.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: So it just illustrates how much that it's not outside of ourselves that good sex happens.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like good sex is an inside job.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's us tackling not only our trauma, but our sense of value.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: And if we don't feel valuable in any area of our life, especially our sexual area, it affects all other areas.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like hands down, whether we realize it or not, it just does.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: And we're the only ones that can change that.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Especially if it happened when we were younger and we were so changed, you know, moldable.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: We're so moldable when we're young.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's our responsibility to fix it as we get older and look at it and go, it's like it always reminds me of weeding a garden.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like when I have issues come up, I'm like, damn, I gotta pull some weeds.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's that internal, like, oh, I just have this beautiful garden inside myself of my beliefs and stuff, and all of a sudden I'll come, you know, I'll find this rough patch.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, shit, where did this come from?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta pull some weeds.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: Where did this belief come from?
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: Because it affects, yeah, it affects everything.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: I also think that uh being honest with ourselves affects that sexual vibration.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um my experience with that was I attracted a husband who cheated on me.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: I before that, I attracted two other lovers that cheated on me.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I had to have that moment where I went, what is the common denominator here?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: That would be me.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: So I was new to the concept when I started understanding the concept.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: The quality of the energy I project is the quality of the energy I receive.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: I just sit down and go, where am I not being honest in my relationships?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: Where am I not being honest with myself?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: I keep attracting people that are hiding things.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: Am I hiding somewhere?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, sure enough, that was a whole eye-opening experience for me because I wasn't being honest with myself about who I was and what I wanted sexually.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: And uh even my gifts, like my psychic gifts, I was not being honest about that and sharing that with people.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: And again, it just affects all areas of life.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, those different places.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: But these are good examples of if you are attracting the same pattern or your love life is not what you want it to be, find out what the common denominators are.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, pattern, friends, you know, lovers who are not being honest.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: Well, am I where am I being dishonest with myself?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I I like this because I find that if we're not willing to accept all parts of ourselves, then who's that other person loving, anyways?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_03: If we're not loving and accepting all of ourselves, we're only showing a part of ourselves.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_03: And that's who's being presented here.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_03: We're we're selecting who we're putting out there.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_03: And so that person is actually loving what what they may think is all of you, but they can't actually love you because we're not letting it in.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_03: So there's the honesty there.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_03: And then I like this transitioning into I I find honesty is a huge part of what is the kind of sex that I want?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_03: If you're not having the kind of sex that you want and desire, honesty, drop the mic.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_03: That's it.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_03: Like being honest.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_03: If you I and I know I I was part of this where I had visions and I was like, I want to be tied up.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_03: I was in that relationship, and I was like, I just feel like I was, there's the 50 shades of gray that was inspiring me.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, ooh, that seems cool.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_03: And it was just playing in my head, and I could not, I could not say it out.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_03: So the quality of the sex, it was just, it was monotonous.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_03: It was the same.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_03: But I was part of that creation.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_03: I was a big part of it.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_03: I was, I never said anything.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_03: Never said a word of that.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_03: And there's a couple things with that, you know, there I do feel like it comes down to I personally didn't feel safe in my own body to express.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_03: And I don't know if I really had the right partner too that really mirrored honestly the all of that, that that piece of safety and and all that too.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_03: But being able to be honest with self and then feeling all of that drop in, be like, I feel good enough, and I'm gonna share.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_03: And if they're not okay with it, that's not a judgment on me.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_03: And maybe there's something else that can move in that direction, like a similar direction.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_03: There's some there's a reason I wanted that.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_03: There was like a surrender piece.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, just do whatever you want with me, you know, type of feeling.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_03: And so maybe you don't tie me up, but like there's something there.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_03: And it's it's honesty and then expression as well.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_03: And am I I said it before, but yeah, am I I didn't feel worthy of getting the things that I wanted.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_03: So I didn't even say it.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_03: I couldn't even say it.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_03: How many times did that happen in life?
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_03: Not even just with sex.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: That I can't say it because I don't think I'm valuable enough or I'm afraid to leave, or you know, all the things, all the excuses, the reasons.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: The fear.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: The fear and it the other part of that is in different ways, uh, whether it's male or female energy.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: Uh as women in particular, I think we are taught to not rock the boat, to keep everything uh perfect, but not messy.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: And it's important to be messy.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's important to show how messy we are, like just right at the beginning.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like just, just, just be yourself.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: Just be messy.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: For guys, I think it's don't show your pain, don't show your vulnerable.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um emotion.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: Emotion.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: Don't show emotion, don't show, don't show those parts.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: But if we don't show those parts, that's only like part of the story.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: If we don't show the whole story, then we're kind of hosed.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because then we're not, we're only attracting people who are comfortable with this piece of our story.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: As opposed to this is all of our story.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not saying like you bust out your like your family trauma on the first date.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's just, it's just relaxing and being who we are in that moment.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: Things happen.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_03: I love me, some man, that is like emotions.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh, I didn't know that would be on my sexy book list today.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: But for the record, yes.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and this is the other thing.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: If we are busting out our trauma early in a relationship and talking about it, it's uh I it's a good question to ask.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Am I defining myself by my trauma?
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: Is that how I'm defining who I am?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: I should maybe look at that.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: Is that how I want to be?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, no, maybe so.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I like that you share that too.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_03: Cause I remember I did a lecture one time and someone's like, well, I feel like, you know, there's a difference between trauma dumping and, you know, the balance of sharing things.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_03: So there is.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_03: There is, you know, if you I'll if you have not shared some of these things with like tools, had tools in your life or support system, and you're sharing these things probably with like those new partners.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, there's probably something there where there's that that dumping.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_03: And then there's a difference in discerning between whether I am sharing this because there's a there's a trigger coming up.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_03: I am feeling something is not you, it is not for you to do anything with that's or unless I'm needing, unless I'm saying something, right?
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_03: Like, hey, I I maybe want you to hold my hand right now.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_03: But it is not for someone to fix.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_03: So we're always so like in it in holding space, or the thought of holding space is not, I need to fix you and I need to do all these things for you.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_03: It's like you're just listening because I'm here.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_03: I'm here and and I'm sharing.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_03: But there's a difference between me sharing, hey, this is a a trigger I'm having, this what I'm feeling, this is what's coming up, and this is maybe where it's coming from.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_03: And and it can give clarity with people to understand what's happening versus I'm gonna dump all my shit on you and we'll see where this goes.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: How do you feel?
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because I feel good now that I let that go, and that's not it.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_03: There's no trauma dump in here.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: And if that's who you are, great.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: If that's how you define yourself, great.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: Still be that honest, honest, authentic self.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: You will find someone who merges with that, who meshes with that, whoever you decide to be.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's how many billion people on this planet?
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: There's somebody.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: There's somebody.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: There's somebody you will attract them with the quality of the energy you project, the quality of the energy you receive.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: You will bring them into your space.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: So whatever kind of sex I'm attracting, that's how I judge with the energy I'm projecting.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: So if it's a long spell and I'm like, dang, I haven't like, I'm not attracting anything.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: I have to stop and go, okay, so is my my vacancy sign up saying yes, I'm available, or have I shut myself in?
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what's going on with me?
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's not, oh, I'm not attractive, or nobody, nobody's looking at me.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, no, what's my energy?
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: What am I doing with my energy right now?
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: And what do you want?
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, what do you want?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_03: Too, because I I know I had a period of time after a long-term relationship ended where I was like, I need to be in my space.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_03: And I was, I don't know the right word to celibate, or I just did not have sex for a certain period of time, and I decided that I had a lot of things shifting and a lot of things revealing with that connection ending.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_03: And then I had a kundalini activation where I was like, I wanted sex all the time.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_03: But all these blocks were coming up, and that channel was opening, really just a life force channel connect all, and all these blocks were revealing.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_03: So I decided, but it's like, what do you want?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_03: And then, okay, that's fine.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_03: That that makes sense, you know.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_03: And then at one point I was like, I think it's time to get back out there.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: I think honestly, figuring out what I want uh is 80% of the battle.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: Figuring out what it is and just being honest about it.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: And having the permission to say, I don't know.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: I just how I was raised and what I absorbed, I thought I had to know.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like it was important to know.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't okay not to know stuff.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: So permission to just say, Yeah, I don't know.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: I have no clue.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: I have no idea.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it's okay not to know.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: That's actually a really creative, freeing space to be in.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_03: It's an opportunity.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_03: It's an opportunity.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a happy limbo space.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, I don't know.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: That means I get to explore and like find out.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_03: That's the I I believe there's the two parts of I don't know.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: And then there's the the I don't need to do anything with it.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_03: This is not a pressure zone, but it is an invitation to sit with self and say, do I wanna, do I wanna figure it out?
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_03: It and what could that look like?
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_03: And have really sit with it.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_03: And it may bring up some really uncomfortable things.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_03: I know I've done that uh definitely times over you know my life after I really started processing all this, like, what do I want?
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_03: And I thought I wanted this, and I realized I don't.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_03: So I had to sit with this uncomfortable part of me where I said, Oh, I, you know, I wanted to go out and play and do all these things.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, no, you know what?
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_03: I want um eventually I want a partner when it's aligned.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not, I'm not necessarily out here seeking that, but I'm not what I thought I wanted is not it.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_03: And I and I had to sit with that.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_03: I was a little uncomfortable.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, ah, what what was the reasons behind it?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_03: What what was all that?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_03: And I was out of a long-term relationship, so I was like, Yeah, like of course, I wanna like, I wanna go do all these things, and just like yeah, you know what, it'll just be.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I don't, I don't want anything.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_03: I I get to show up as me, and I'm gonna see someone in that space, and that is exactly what I was calling in.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_03: This podcast is sponsored by My Awakening Within.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_03: If you are looking for some sort of practice to drop into your pleasure, to reconnect to your body, to start to build and cultivate safety from within, join me on this online self-guided journey where you will start to learn breathwork techniques, emotional release practices, and start to build this foundation of safety and security from a place of presence.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_03: So join me online, myawakeningwithin.com or linked in the show notes.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: I also think so a part of the stumbling block for people, especially if you're in a long-term relationship, in our culture, American cultures, there's this kind of Disney ideal that's been set up that we will find a good partner, we will be in a relationship and it will fix things.
• 20:58
  unknown: Yes.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: That if I'm in a relationship, it will fix things.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I have found that it, yeah, it can fix things because it brings your stuff up.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you have unprocessed trauma, if you have triggers, guess what?
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: That is being in relationship is one of the most growth-producing, uh challenging things we can ever do.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: So even if you're in a relationship, like they call it the seven-year itch, you know, like you get restless or sexually dissatisfied.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's the I can't hide my trauma anymore.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: And it's coming up and I have to face it.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: And it it shakes your shit up.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um time does not heal all wounds.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: Time just lets them marinate and smell longer.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah, I agree.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_03: And I I feel like the big piece that I've seen here is when people feel like they're they're just like, I don't want sex, I'm not in the mood.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: You know, think that the relationship can can fix things, that things are gonna evolve and they're gonna change.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_03: And time does not heal wounds.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Time doesn't heal shit.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_03: Unless you're doing, unless you're doing the work in that time, because I feel like this year I lived several lifetimes, hundreds of lifetimes, because of all the stuff that I was getting in, right?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_03: And then time does not exist.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_03: But I I definitely feel that there's a lot of things that can contribute to that.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_03: And there's not like just one pinpoint.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_03: But if you're having this energy and this sexual energy that feels like it's it's surrounding you, is I just don't feel like doing it.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_03: And like I have this long-term relationship, or I'm not in a relationship and I just I'm just gonna be doing my thing.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_03: And I love to share about where our state of being is.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_03: Or are we in survival?
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: Are we in relax?
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_03: Are we in, you know, what what state is our nervous system just jolted and we're we gotta do all these things and all that?
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_03: Are we just kind of we cruise in because that libido will turn on like five million notches when we are relaxed?
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: Relaxed.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: I love how you brought up nervous system.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: I this is a new concept for me.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, nervous system overload, which means living in periods of long stress, even if it's like you have a good life, if you're overworked, if you're tired and it goes on over a long period of time, your nervous system craps out.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: And when nervous systems crap out, your libido goes in the toilet.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: Your tolerance for touch can go in the toilet.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: Your ability to be around people, even people you love, especially if it's in crowds or noisy, goes in the toilet.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um these are all things that affect us, and they are all things that we are the only person that can fix it.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: We're the only person that has the capacity to heal ourselves.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: So it's giving ourselves permission, at least it has been for me in my life, give myself permission to say, nope, this is my time, it's my turn.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, or I need this, and understanding that me doing that makes it better for everybody.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely because the quality of the energy I project is the quality of the energy I receive.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: So if I am doing self-loving energy toward myself, I'm projecting more loving energy to other people.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: It it it's uh it goes this way.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you pay attention to the internal stuff, the external stuff starts to sort itself out.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, yeah.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_03: And if you're not having, if you're not in the mood to have sex and it's just you're it's you're stuck.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_03: You're like, I don't know what to do.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_03: I always advocate for support, you know, because there could be all these other things.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_03: And it's hard, it can be challenging to feel like you're in a hole and like you don't know where to go.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_03: So definitely advocate for that and and just look at what's happening in life.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_03: What is happening around me?
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_03: How many things do I have in my cup?
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_03: Is my cup really low?
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_03: Is it full?
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_03: It, you know, do I feel overstimulated?
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_03: Do I feel like I need to just like huddle and be by myself all the time?
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_03: And so doing the things to help that nervous system relax and allowing ourselves to just have that time to be.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_03: I call it like potatoing out or vegging out.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_03: Just like I'm just gonna go be a potato right now.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, just being instead of doing.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's a whole thing.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: If I had one takeaway, that's what it would be.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's internal work.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_01: Internal good sex is an inside job.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's our internal work that spills out into the rest of the world.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_01: And trying internal work first, I mean, shifting energy does not cost money.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have to go outside of myself, um, unless I feel I need help, which that is more than okay.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: We all need help, period.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um but that's a like it's the easiest place to start.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I can do it by shifting just a shift of a thought.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I can start taking internal inventory.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: How about you?
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: What's your takeaway?
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_03: It's the definitely very similar.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_03: And it's the belief systems, you know.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_03: So you talk about the internal, getting in deeper.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_03: The belief systems are driving the show, whether we are aware of it or not.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_03: So if there is something in sex life that I'm not favorable and I'm not happy with, start there, like, oh, okay, I'm not happy.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_03: Then go back.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_03: Go back to what's happening, look at the belief systems and figure out where some of these came from.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_03: And then am I safe enough to hold the truth of the now?
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what is really true is now.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_03: We are really here now.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_03: And how do I allow myself to release all of that so that I could actually be in the flow of now?
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_03: I like it.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_03: Great takeaway.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, thank you.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_03: So, well, thank you for tuning in today.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_03: It was fun.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_03: Hope you enjoyed the conversation.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_03: If you're interested, you can follow us on all the major platforms there.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_03: Find it our podcast, Erotic Spirit Podcast.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_03: You follow us on all the major social medias.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_03: And thanks for tuning in today.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_03: Bye for now.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: So, this awesome podcast is sponsored by Enlightened Energy Works.
• 27:36
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• 27:40
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• 27:56
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• 28:04
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks for hanging with us today.
• 28:06
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