Latest / Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald / Shut The F*ck Up and See How Your Life Improves!

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Shut The F*ck Up and See How Your Life Improves! · Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald

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  Speaker 1: Those thoughts.
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  Speaker 2: You know the ones I mean.
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  Speaker 3: The doesn't matter, it's nothing thoughts that become kind of
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  Speaker 3: something become a bit much. And day by day, the
• 0:09
  Speaker 3: world feels heavier and you're holding it together just fine
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: until suddenly you're not.
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  Speaker 2: You don't have to navigate it alone.
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  Speaker 3: Learn how to manage everyday pressures and unhelpful thoughts with
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: six weekly sessions from Aware. Find out more about the
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: free resilience program at aware.ie.
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: Aware.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: This could be the start of something better. Heather MacDonald
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  Speaker 2: has got the Juicy Scoop. When you're on the road,
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: when you're on the go, Juicy Scoop is the show
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: to know. She talks Hollywood tales for real life.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: Mr.
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  Speaker 2: Segment, Serial Data, and Serial Sisters.
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  Speaker 3: You'll be addicted and addicted.
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  Speaker 4: Fast to the number one tabloid real life podcast.
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  Speaker 5: Listen in, listen up.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Woo, woo. Heather MacDonald.
• 0:58
  Speaker 5: Juicy Scoop.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Hello and welcome to Juicy Scoop. Well, I hope you're
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: surviving the heat and having so much fun. I'm having
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: a blast, as you know, as I always do, because
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: I love bringing you the Juicy Scoop. And I want
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: to do it live for you. So go to heathermcdonald.net,
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: get your tickets there. Only go to heathermcdonald.net to go.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: I want to talk about some of my fall cities,
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: you guys. I'm going to be in Vegas in September.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: I am going to be On the East Coast, New
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  Speaker 2: York City, I will be in Chicago, Minneapolis, Red Bank,
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  Speaker 2: New Jersey, Boston with Julie, so many of those dates.
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  Speaker 2: All of that is at heathermcdoll.net. So I don't want
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: you to miss out. I want you to get the
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: good tickets. Summer's almost over, you guys. What are you
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  Speaker 2: going to be doing for the fall? Get your friends together.
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  Speaker 2: Go on your trips. If there's a show that is like,
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  Speaker 2: let's make a fun weekend out of it, look at
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  Speaker 2: my dates there at heathermcdoll.net and make those plans. And
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  Speaker 2: now for a really great interview with a dear friend
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  Speaker 2: of mine that is going to teach you to shut
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  Speaker 2: the fuck up. Hello, and welcome to Juicy Scoop. I'm
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  Speaker 2: excited to share with you an incredible author, but also
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  Speaker 2: my friend of, I don't know, 15, 16 years. We'll
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  Speaker 2: get into how we met. But first of all, this
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  Speaker 2: is the book, and it is doing so well. And
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  Speaker 2: you told me about this, and I said, well- I
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  Speaker 2: don't know about the title, but so far it's working.
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  Speaker 2: So it's good that you listen to me. It's the
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  Speaker 2: Shut the Fuck Up Method, Silence Your Way to the
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  Speaker 2: Life of Your Dreams by Jorge Perez.
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  Speaker 5: That sounds so good when you say it.
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  Speaker 2: I've always called you Jorge. That's how you're introduced to me, Jorge.
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  Speaker 2: But then when I meet other people, mutual friends, they're like,
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  Speaker 2: you know, my friend George. And I'm like, I don't
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  Speaker 2: have any friends named George.
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  Speaker 4: I'm going to recap this whole thing really fast. So basically,
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  Speaker 4: I'm from Venezuela. And when all the Jorge's moved to Miami,
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  Speaker 4: which is where I grew up, they immediately become George.
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  Speaker 4: And I think because, you know, the name could have
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  Speaker 4: a Jorge thing. And I think there was like an
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  Speaker 4: unspoken rule. All the Jorge's were like, we're George. So anyway,
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  Speaker 4: so George all my life moved to L.A. And then,
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  Speaker 4: you know, every once in a while, like Jorge.
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  Speaker 5: And then I'm like, all right. I kid you not.
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  Speaker 4: After the whole George Floyd thing happened, all the white
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  Speaker 4: people are the ones that all of a sudden were.
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  Speaker 5: Like, you're Jorge. Don't let him call you George. You're Jorge.
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  Speaker 5: And I'm like, okay, I'm Jorge. They're like, you're Jorge.
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  Speaker 5: And I'm like, all right. Now I'm Jorge.
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  Speaker 2: I'm proud to say that I've always called you Jorge.
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  Speaker 2: And probably not pronouncing it as Jorge. great as I can.
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  Speaker 5: No, yours sounds great.
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  Speaker 2: Well, we, I was excited because I am a whore
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  Speaker 2: for a really good Hollywood dinner night. And especially if
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  Speaker 2: it's a rooftop view type of situation. And the first
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  Speaker 2: time I ever went to the Soho house was a
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  Speaker 2: mutual friend of ours.
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  Speaker 5: But I broke your Soho house cherry.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, because you're a member of the exclusive Soho house,
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  Speaker 2: which is Really beautiful. We have a couple, and I'm
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  Speaker 2: sure you've heard of it. I know you have because
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  Speaker 2: you guys are Juicy Scoopers, but there's one on Sunset
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  Speaker 2: at the top of that building. But because it's exclusive,
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  Speaker 2: you're not supposed to have cameras out. You're not supposed to...
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  Speaker 2: You're supposed to be discreet. It's supposed to be where
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  Speaker 2: you really can go, and you can see Jennifer Aniston
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  Speaker 2: and somebody working out the next streaming series. And you're
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  Speaker 2: not supposed to go up and say, Hi, I'm a
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  Speaker 2: really big fan.
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  Speaker 5: Okay, so... They revoke your membership. I've seen it.
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  Speaker 2: Now, I feel it was the person that we were
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  Speaker 2: with's fault that you got. And you got a three-month
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  Speaker 2: suspension after that dinner.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, because we took a picture. We took a picture.
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  Speaker 4: And then, funny enough, I was like, oh, no, we
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  Speaker 4: took a picture of a picture. And she was like, George,
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  Speaker 4: if I had a nickel.
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  Speaker 5: No, basically, you know.
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  Speaker 2: I thought we were also being kind of loud and dramatic.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, we were.
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  Speaker 4: But they didn't tell me for sure it was because
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  Speaker 4: of someone. They went under the rule of no pictures.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: You know, they're not as strict anymore, but yeah, I
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  Speaker 4: was suspended. And you know what's so funny? Like, she's like,
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  Speaker 4: I'm going to suspend you for three months, but I
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  Speaker 4: lowered it to two. And I'm like, and then that's it.
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  Speaker 5: She's like, what under the bridge?
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  Speaker 4: So I was so ashamed about it at first. But
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  Speaker 4: then after a while, I'm like, yeah, I'm like the
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  Speaker 4: soul house rebel. And now every time I see her,
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  Speaker 4: because she still works there, she's like, dude, you told everybody.
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  Speaker 4: It's my badge of honor.
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  Speaker 5: I wear it proud.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yes, and then you took me to the Malibu one,
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  Speaker 2: which is fabulous.
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  Speaker 5: Right next to Nobu. It's beautiful, yeah. I love the Soho.
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  Speaker 2: And that, I mean, now that you guys know, that's
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  Speaker 2: the only reason we've remained friends is because you were
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  Speaker 2: in Soho memberships.
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  Speaker 4: That's why she wants me to take her there, so
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  Speaker 4: I take her.
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  Speaker 2: You know I like doing nice things. No, but you
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  Speaker 2: have such a, when I met you, your predominant job
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  Speaker 2: at that time was you were representing high-end photographers as
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  Speaker 2: an agent.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, correct.
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  Speaker 2: And so tell us like a little bit about your
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  Speaker 2: background and how you found yourself being kind of this
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  Speaker 2: self-help author and person.
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  Speaker 5: For sure.
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  Speaker 4: Well, I think anyone, so this year marks my 20th
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  Speaker 4: year anniversary in LA, right? And I think after 20
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: years here, like you need a lot of self-help. And
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  Speaker 4: I'll tell you why. And it kind of goes into
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  Speaker 4: our culture, right? In LA, it's like, We're a group
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  Speaker 4: of very talented people that left our homes, right?
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  Speaker 5: To like, I'll show you. You picked on me in
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  Speaker 5: high school. I'll show you.
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  Speaker 4: So we're brimming with talent, but we're also brimming with frustration,
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  Speaker 4: you know, because your friend is the one that got
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  Speaker 4: that Netflix deal and she's on the thing. So it
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  Speaker 4: is a culture of people that we kind of have to,
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  Speaker 4: there's only two things that are going to happen in LA,
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  Speaker 4: in my opinion.
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  Speaker 5: I talk about this in the book.
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  Speaker 4: You're either going to succumb to the ego of like
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  Speaker 4: frustration of like, This town sucks.
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  Speaker 5: I didn't get there. All that stuff. You're going to
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  Speaker 5: succumb to that frustration or you're actually going to evolve
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  Speaker 5: from it and realize that you can't take it seriously.
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  Speaker 5: I think L.A. is just an augmentation of.
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  Speaker 4: Of of reality, of materiality and of of kind of
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  Speaker 4: like desire and ambition.
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  Speaker 2: You know, you know, the interesting because I just mentioned
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  Speaker 2: like a Jennifer Aniston.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: And I remember during COVID, like the first part of
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  Speaker 2: COVID where everything really stopped. There was nothing you could do,
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  Speaker 2: especially in films. And television. And she was being interviewed,
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  Speaker 2: and she was like, now, of course, for someone like
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  Speaker 2: Jennifer Aniston, you know, her business not working isn't going
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  Speaker 2: to keep her from paying the mortgage.
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  Speaker 6: Right, right.
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  Speaker 2: So in her particular case, she was like, something effective.
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  Speaker 2: I liked it because I wasn't working, but nobody else was.
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  Speaker 6: Right.
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  Speaker 2: You know, because you are so much, like, if you
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  Speaker 2: do have any downtime, if you... ever want to take
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  Speaker 2: a break from your pursuit of something in the Hollywood
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  Speaker 2: world and entertainment, you are bombarded with the fact that like, well,
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  Speaker 2: wait a minute, my, you know, even if I don't
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  Speaker 2: do standup on a weekend and I'm so excited not
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  Speaker 2: to do standup, I'll look at my phone and I'll
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  Speaker 2: see that my friends had a killer night in, you know,
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  Speaker 2: whatever in Phoenix. And it just makes me feel like,
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  Speaker 2: oh my God, You know, a little bit, not so
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  Speaker 2: much anymore. But there was a time, especially before COVID,
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  Speaker 2: where I'd be like, oh, I'm not doing enough or
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: a little bit of competitiveness and stuff. And you want
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  Speaker 2: to tell yourself it doesn't matter. Your path is your path.
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  Speaker 2: But when you're seeing it everywhere and you are going
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  Speaker 2: down sunset and you're like, oh, my friend, I went
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  Speaker 2: to acting class.
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  Speaker 4: She's on that billboard.
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  Speaker 2: Hi, you're on that bill. Oh, hi. Yeah, you're on
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  Speaker 2: the billboard and I'm driving to an audition.
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  Speaker 5: You know, I early.
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  Speaker 4: I think it was like my first month into L.A.
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  Speaker 4: And I have the story in the book. I just
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  Speaker 4: don't use the names. But I became friends with a
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  Speaker 4: celebrity photographer. He was a big deal. And he had
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: a celebrity muse. And I remember that they invited me
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: to this party. And I literally, Heather, I walked in
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  Speaker 4: with the both of them. I've never.
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  Speaker 5: I mean, the host of the party, like, treating us
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  Speaker 5: like I was the biggest star in the world. And
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: I'm like, okay. I was like, wow.
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  Speaker 4: I can see why it's addicting, you know, when people
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: are just rolling the red carpet and whatever.
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  Speaker 5: And then he was like, oh, the party will be
• 8:57
  Speaker 5: here all week, come back tomorrow, whatever.
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  Speaker 4: The next day, I come back, but without these two celebrities,
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: with non-celebrities, photographers, and like the.
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  Speaker 5: Guy, I was like roadkill. Like, I even was like, hey,
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: and he was like, like moving me away.
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  Speaker 4: And finally, I even grabbed him and he whisked my
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: hand away, and in that moment, like it was, it's
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: like time stopped. I remember that I was like, all
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  Speaker 4: my New York friends that kept saying like how LA
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: was so fake, and I'm going to hate it.
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  Speaker 5: Like it dawned on me. I was like, oh my God,
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  Speaker 5: everyone here is so fake. And it's all about this.
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  Speaker 4: And all of a sudden in the middle of that,
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  Speaker 4: like a download came and it said, and I heard
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  Speaker 4: the voice. It's like, God, it said, it's not personal.
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  Speaker 4: And I'll tell you what that means. When they love you,
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  Speaker 4: it's not about you. It's what they think they're getting
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  Speaker 4: from you. And when they don't love you, it's not
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  Speaker 4: about you either. It's what they think they're not getting
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  Speaker 4: from you. So it was never about you. So if
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: you take it that way, you could just enjoy LA
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  Speaker 4: and have a blast and not take it personal. And
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  Speaker 4: that's been my trick to love LA for 20 years
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  Speaker 4: I feel like I'm the LA publicist. Everywhere I go
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: and I'm like, where are you from LA?
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: Ooh, it's bad, huh?
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, no, it's great. We have every season,
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: you can ski, you can go to the desert, 45.
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: And then they're like, oh my God. I mean, I
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: just heard it was so bad. You know, it's like,
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: it's great if you don't take it seriously and personal.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 5: That's my trick.
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  Speaker 2: And so we become friends and I, you know, I
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: found you so funny cause you like, cause you could
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: like imitate our mutual friend and he, and he loved
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: it too. And so I'm like, Oh my God. So we,
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  Speaker 2: we ended up being good friends and, you know, keeping
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: in touch all these years. And that's when you were
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: like telling me that you were doing all these like
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  Speaker 2: Spiritual stuff. The landmark and the form and these kind
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  Speaker 2: of things. And I like that stuff.
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 5: But also– You can be very deep. I'm a little.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: Weary about it too. Like I was kind of like,
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: are you– is next step Scientology? Like how far are
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: you from getting like into these– because– and I also
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: just think also in this town, you are looking for
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: the thing, you know, which is why Scientology I think
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: is popular too. And I even thought about it for
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: one minute. I'm like, I don't know why everyone is
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: being so mean about it. Like if this is how
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: people are getting parts, maybe– It'll make me less nervous
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: in an audition. I don't know. So I think people
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: are always looking for something, whether it's, you know, a
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Christian church or the hillside or the Catholic church or the,
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: you know, Kabbalah, to be like, what is it? Or
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: the AA or whatever. I remember people were like, you
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: should go to this AA meeting on Robertson.
• 11:32
  Speaker 5: You should start drinking bad.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: Because they were like, no, because they were like, there
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: are so many agents there and I needed an agent.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: And at one point I was like, listen– I'm not
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: an alcoholic, but I have juicy stories to tell. And
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: that's actually how I got into juicy stories is my
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: brother was in a rehab when I was 13 and
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: we'd go every Wednesday into Beverly Hills. Also, we'd go
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: to a beautiful restaurant after. Like my dad would be like, okay,
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: we're going to go visit your brother. And he'd get
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: out the Zagat guide and he'd be like, oh, let's
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: go to this hotel. So I was like, my whole
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: summer was going to the rehab meetings, hearing the juicy
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  Speaker 2: stories of the LA people. And like, I just remember
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: this one girl, was telling her story and basically she
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: became like, you know, a sex worker at the time.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: And my mom was like, that gorgeous girl, she has
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: a face of an angel. Like, and we were just like,
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: and I would listen to these things that I'm like,
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: I kind of liked the juicy stories, but then I
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: was always, so then at the thing I was like,
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: oh my God, I could go to these AA meetings
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: and I could get stage time. I could practice bits
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: in front of an audience, and I might get an agent.
• 12:36
  Speaker 5: It's like your Toastmasters, but with a little sauce.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: But I didn't do it. But I'm saying you're looking
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: for anything when you're not at your place yet.
• 12:46
  Speaker 4: I think when you're so ambitious, right, and you have
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: that frustration, you're looking for a community. So you're looking
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: for a community that can hear you out, that you
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: could feel relatedness. So I think that L.A. obviously has
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: a lot of that. And it's weird because... it, since
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: it fosters that kind of isolation, it, then it, it
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: kind of, the pendulum goes the other way. So it
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: also fosters community. I've always had a sensibility for, um, spirituality.
• 13:14
  Speaker 4: You know, my mom was really into it since I
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: was 20. I went to India for a month and,
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: and throughout my life, I've been an agent, you know,
• 13:21
  Speaker 4: representing photographers, shooting, whether it's like Brad Pitt or Jennifer
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: Lopez or any of these people. And, um, It's been great,
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: but I think in the back burner, I've always had
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: my spirituality, whether it was, you know, I did do Landmark.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: What is Landmark?
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  Speaker 4: So Landmark is a study of ontology, which is being
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  Speaker 4: a human being, the study of being a human being,
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: and basically how you dissociate the mind with your thoughts.
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: You're like that voice in your head that's going like,
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: I suck, I suck. And you isolate it. You go, wait,
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: I don't suck. That's just a voice in my head.
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: So you kind of create that. You separate, separate.
• 14:02
  Speaker 5: That's kind of, yeah, that's kind of what Landmark is. Yeah, yeah.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: The car is beautiful. Where did you end up going
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: for it? This exclusive place that Dad has connections with.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: They have more cars for more dealerships than like anywhere else.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: You have to put me in touch. What's it called?
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: It's Dune ADL.
• 14:19
  Speaker 6: Where?
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: Dune ADL. There's an accent on the E.
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: Do you mean.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Yes, I got it on Dundale Cars. Lift, please. Are
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: you going past Kimmage? Oh, Kimmage. No. Dundale Cars. You
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: couldn't possibly go anywhere else.
• 14:36
  Speaker 6: I'm Darman, and this is What Happens Next. Each week
• 14:39
  Speaker 6: on the show, I sit down with extraordinary people who
• 14:42
  Speaker 6: have faced tremendous setbacks and yet somehow have found a
• 14:46
  Speaker 6: way to turn them into their greatest strengths.
• 14:49
  Speaker 5: Life is one long lesson of chaos. I'm heading to
• 14:53
  Speaker 5: the Emmys, and I have police complaints filed against me.
• 14:55
  Speaker 5: When your free will was about to be taken from you,
• 14:58
  Speaker 5: what would you do if it was given back?
• 15:00
  Speaker 6: Where did that need come from where you thought that
• 15:03
  Speaker 6: you had to succeed in order to feel loved?
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: He said, I have a work dad. I need a
• 15:07
  Speaker 5: home dad. What happens next? When I came in, he
• 15:09
  Speaker 5: started crying.
• 15:10
  Speaker 6: Everybody in life encounters hardships. What defines them is not
• 15:15
  Speaker 6: those hard moments that they go through.
• 15:17
  Speaker 5: It's about what happens next.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: I decided to risk it all.
• 15:20
  Speaker 5: I realized how valuable every day was. You're worth the work.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Listen, Dara, I'm not going to pull punches.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: You can use your voice even if it's shaped.
• 15:27
  Speaker 6: The stories are different, but the impact is the same.
• 15:31
  Speaker 6: Only one question matters. What happens next?
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: What do you think about– this is a new thing
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: that I've only heard in the last couple years.
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: Is someone being like, look, I suffer from imposter syndrome.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: And that's why I lashed out because I don't– I
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: guess– or you say I think someone has imposter syndrome
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: where they basically find themselves in a position of power
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: or fame or success. And they really– they believe they
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: are not qualified to be there.
• 16:08
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: And like what that– like– What would, do you, I mean,
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: maybe you're not familiar with this. No, no, I am.
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: I'm very familiar.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: Like, what do you think of all of that?
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: Listen, at the end of the day, Heather, we all
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: have that voice that things were not supposed to be here. Like,
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: I have a friend, actually, legit, that he was an
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: actor and he did a scene, he was in a
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: movie with Anthony Hopkins and he goes, I'll never forget
• 16:31
  Speaker 4: one day I went into his dressing room and apparently
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: Anthony Hopkins said, you know, sometimes I just feel like
• 16:37
  Speaker 4: the acting police is going to come here and arrest me.
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: Like someone like that who's such an incredible actor is
• 16:43
  Speaker 4: dealing with imposter syndrome.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: So imposter syndrome is something that we all have. Like
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: I don't care if you're Jeff Bezos or you are
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: anybody else. Like we all have it. And I talk
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: about this in the book actually. It's just like we
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: need to– when we have like a really good meditation
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: practice or we start cultivating shutting up, then it's almost
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: like those thoughts don't have a grip on us that much.
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: So let's say the thought of I'm not good enough
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: hits you at a 10% instead of a 90. You
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: can live with a 10%. Like, let's say you're, you know, you're,
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: you're trying to do, you're going to go on stage
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: and you have that comedy thing. You go, Oh, I
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: don't think I'm going to do that. But let's say
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: it's like a 10 instead of like a net, you
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: can deal with a 10 and then guess what?
• 17:27
  Speaker 5: And then you kill it and you go, Oh, that
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: was that little voice again. Does that make sense?
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: So, but I do think, I mean, it's such a beautiful, the, the,
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: This book is such a rabbit hole that really explains
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: like our brains are actually wired to survive. Our brains
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: are not made to make us happy. You and I
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: and everybody here, we're the descendants of people that had
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: to do like some crazy stuff to get to this country.
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: We didn't leave Europe because it was a little chilly.
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: So imagine, so you're dealing with genetically, like you're the
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: genetics of people that had to steal, kill or something.
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: So now you're here. You're not fighting anyone. No one's
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: trying to kill you. But the new enemy is the
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: girl that's going to get your audition job. You know,
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: Amazon Prime is coming in late.
• 18:10
  Speaker 5: You know what I mean?
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: Like we're built into attack to survive, but there's nothing
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: to really survive. So the work, in my opinion, is
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: how do we lower down our survival instinct so we're
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: not stressing ourselves out? We haven't talked about this, but
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: the reason I created this book is because both my
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: parents died of cancer. Back to back. My dad was
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: leukemia in 2019. I was a stem cell donor. My mom,
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: 2022 breast cancer, I metastasized. I took a deep dive
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: on epigenetics, which is a study of how we as
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: people metabolize our environment, how we metabolize stress. And we are,
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: there's studies about this. You can look it up. Most
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: people are living 70% of their lives on fight or
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: flight in stress. That's not sustainable for the human body.
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: The body is almost like telling you like, hey, I
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: can't do this anymore. So when you know how you
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: see like, these epidemics of ALS or MS or Parkinson's,
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: that's actually, I've talked to so many of these people
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: and they all pretty much remember something that happened emotionally
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: that detonated it.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: And then shortly after they were diagnosed.
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: Yes, shortly after they were diagnosed. These are neurological diseases.
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: I used to look at people in wheelchairs and in
• 19:21
  Speaker 4: my mind be like, oh, he got into an accident
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: or she was born that way. I was with this guy.
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: I do a lot of retreats with Dr. Joe Dispenza,
• 19:30
  Speaker 4: who's my biggest mentor. And his retreats are these meditation
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: retreats where you actually go into the brain and you
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: rewire the subconscious mind so you stop the patterns. But
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: a lot of people that have MS or ALS go,
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: I was with this guy that had ALS, which is,
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: if you guys don't know, it's a neurological disease that
• 19:49
  Speaker 4: stops your motor skills. right? All of a sudden, you
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: can't walk. The guy is a year older than me,
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: a dancer, a Broadway dancer. Two years ago, he wakes
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: up and he's like, well, I can't walk.
• 19:58
  Speaker 5: Now he's paralyzed.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: And I asked him, we spent a lot of time
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: together because I'm in the medical team there and I
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: help people out. And I'm like, do you think this
• 20:06
  Speaker 4: was something emotional? He goes, I know exactly what this was.
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: So he's like, every time I had problems, I would
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: go and tell so many people that then I would
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: have to manage conversations about those problems. So imagine, when
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: we tell more than one person or two or three
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: our problems, then it's like, imagine you solve it, but
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: then you have Betty to answer to.
• 20:25
  Speaker 5: That's still going to be, Heather, so what happened with
• 20:27
  Speaker 5: your husband?
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: That's really interesting.
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: And imagine if you already, you sorted it out, and
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: all of a sudden, that scab gets picked again. And
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: you're like, oh, so now you're driving your cortisol levels again.
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: And you're like, I don't know. And then she's like,
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: I don't know if you should give him a chance.
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: Hypothetical. I don't know if you should forgive him for that.
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: And you're like, I don't know.
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: Then all of a sudden the thought again comes. Then
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: you call your sister again. So I just talked to
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: Becky and she thinks that I shouldn't forgive him.
• 20:55
  Speaker 5: I was going to tell you that too, Heather. I
• 20:57
  Speaker 5: don't think you should forgive. You know what I mean?
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: Like we start creating networks of conversations of our problems.
• 21:03
  Speaker 5: And before we know it, the problem that could have
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: been solved with you just either telling your therapist or
• 21:07
  Speaker 5: one person and saying, we're done. Now you have a
• 21:10
  Speaker 5: whole ecosystem to deal with.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that is. I mean, I've said that in,
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: you know, the past couple of years or whatever, because
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: I wasn't, you know, in friendships and stuff that have
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: been around forever. And we would share so much with
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: each other. And one of the friendships was like someone
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: I talked to like every day. And we One day
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: we just both kind of like stopped. And it was COVID.
• 21:39
  Speaker 5: You both got the perfect out.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: And I really was like, I.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: I'm was kind of sad about it, but I was like,
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: I think that we might both be better off. Like
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: I wasn't like, you're the worst. And I was a queen.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: I was like, I think that for all those years,
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: it was almost like this relationship where if something did happen,
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: I would almost feel obligated to share with the other.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: And then I don't know how many other people were
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: sharing their stuff with, you know, because that's what happens
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: with women. Then you get together and there's like a
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: great scene in, um, Did you ever see the movie
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: Wine Country with like all the girls? I loved that.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: Tina Fey, I think, was one of the writers. But
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: I was like, when they all get together, this group
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: of girls that like waitress together, they're celebrating someone's 50th.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: And then two of them get alone and they're like,
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: I think so-and-so's marriage is on the rocks. And there's
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: nothing wrong with that. But that is how we operate.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: And it is out of love and it's caring. It's
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: why we like Housewives and stuff like that because we're
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: watching it.
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: We're watching it and hopefully not living it. But then
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: I've also talked about that with Dr. Drew of why
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: so many marriages break up in reality TV is because
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: they have these arguments on TV. And then six months later,
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: they have to relive it, which is kind of what
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: you're saying. They have to watch it. They have to
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: hear all the people, not just three friends. They have
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: to hear all the people saying like, your husband's the
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: worst or you're a bitch or you were wrong. And-
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: That is the risk, I think, of being on these
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: shows that at one time were just about, when OC started,
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: it was just, we're going to follow these ladies that
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: live behind gates. Nobody had lashes or lips or anything.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: And then they realized, oh, what really works is when
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: Tamara threw wine at the one lady's face. And when
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: Teresa flipped the thing. So now it has to be
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: about arguments.
• 23:41
  Speaker 5: And you know why?
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, why?
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: So the mind, right? like we're wired to survive. So
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: when we naturally, and this is, we gravitate towards bad news.
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: So we can't blame CNN or Fox News or anything
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: or watching the housewives like beating each other up because
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: in a very primal way, we gravitate towards bad news
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: because our mind tells us if we know where the
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: problem is, then we're going to be safe. So our
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: fight or flight, instinctively gravitates to bad news because I'll
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: know what's going on in Gaza. But here's the kicker,
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: and I talk about this.
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: There's nothing wrong.
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: With fight or flight, by the way. Fight or flight
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: is great if there's a dinosaur chasing you. Your brain
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: goes on beta, your immune system drops, and then you run, right?
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: And you know that feeling.
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: And then all of a sudden, dinosaur disappears, you go
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: back to grazing, your immune system goes back up, you
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: go back, your brain stabilizes. But the problem is, by...
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: By we going to those, by us watching CNN, right,
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: a 24 cycle, or watching these dramas that are constantly
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: spiking our cortisol, our hormones, our cortisol levels, we're also
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: in stress. It's almost like we're going through it, but
• 24:57
  Speaker 4: we're not. And then that built-in alarm system that was
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: supposed to just be there for a little while so
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: you can be on high alert is actually, the same
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: alarm system that's there to help us is actually killing us.
• 25:10
  Speaker 5: And I think that's like insane.
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: Because we very innocently, we gravitate towards these conversations of stress.
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: And then we are perpetuating and making the stress even
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: bigger and bigger. And then our body, we're like addicts.
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: We're like emotional addicts. Our bodies, we attract situations. We
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: don't attract what we want.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: But I also kind of feel like, you know, there's
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: so much that's always like, you know, well, we got
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: to have a conversation about this. We have to talk
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: about this, whatever. And I had a, you know, I
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: had a joke in my act a couple of years
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: ago or whatever that I would talk about, you know,
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: maybe the way you stay married sometimes is just to
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: like wake up and serve some, you know, denial eggs
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: and coffee and move the fuck along. Like sometimes, you know,
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: maybe it's just not worth it to like dissect what
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: the fuck happened. You know, what do you think about that?
• 26:03
  Speaker 5: I 100% agree. So you know what?
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: This is actually very scientific. Are you familiar with the quantum,
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: with the whole quantum field? Like the movie Everything Everywhere
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: All at Once. Did you see that?
• 26:15
  Speaker 6: No.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: I didn't see it, but my kids saw it. It
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: sounded to be really not my vibe. I want to
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: watch remakes of Unfaithful and Fatal Attraction, but What was it?
• 26:26
  Speaker 5: I'm going to explain. Okay, so consider this. Consider that
• 26:30
  Speaker 5: we as the observers, right?
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: Heather McDonald, the observer. You observe something. So let's say
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: it's floating and you go, Maria, Maria's a bitch.
• 26:38
  Speaker 5: You observe it.
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: And then you tell me, you know what? I think
• 26:40
  Speaker 4: Maria's a bitch. By you calling it out, it's almost
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: like you lock in the particle. So then she has
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: to start appearing that way to you. So observation, believe
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: it or not, is actually a very active thing. We
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: need to observe things. into what we want them to be.
• 26:58
  Speaker 4: There's a chapter called, We're Not Reporters. We're not like,
• 27:02
  Speaker 4: here I am in my shitty house with my shitty
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: wife and my shitty... The more that we observe these
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: things and talk about our problems, the more that energetically
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: they're going to get bigger.
• 27:11
  Speaker 5: I'm not saying to ignore things, like handle it.
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: But when we go around complaining and talking about something
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: and that rumination, it actually, it's energetic.
• 27:21
  Speaker 5: It gets bigger and bigger and bigger. I also.
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: You know, I post a question of like I have
• 27:27
  Speaker 4: a friend that I was talking that I was telling
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: him about this other friend that just moved in with
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: his girlfriend. And my friend was like, oh, my God,
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: Kevin has a girlfriend.
• 27:36
  Speaker 5: And I'm like, yeah. And she was like, unlucky and
• 27:38
  Speaker 5: love Kevin.
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: And it dawned on me how Kevin would always go
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: around saying like there were no girls in L.A.
• 27:44
  Speaker 5: Available. All the girls wanted his money, all this stuff.
• 27:47
  Speaker 5: So we need to.
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: Also be our own best publicist because we're the ones
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: that are tarnishing. When you're that girl that's always talking
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: about your issues, then everyone knows you as that girl.
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: So we also have to be mindful how we assassinate
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: our own character. We're like killing everybody. We're killing Sally.
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: We're killing ourselves. So it's not repression. It's how do
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: we inject mindfulness so that we are.
• 28:12
  Speaker 5: Intentional about what we want in life. Does that make sense?
• 28:16
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: Now, you said you had like a fun game in
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: the book.
• 28:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I do.
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: Okay, how does it work?
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: So this game, you're the first person that's going to
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: experience this game. It's called to shut the fuck up
• 28:27
  Speaker 4: or to don't shut the fuck up.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: Okay, so I'm going to give you a few scenarios.
• 28:31
  Speaker 4: It's almost like games against humanity. So I know my answer,
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: but I want to see what you would pick.
• 28:36
  Speaker 5: Okay, good. Okay. So your best friend is finally dating someone.
• 28:42
  Speaker 5: It's been a long time. Okay. You're super happy.
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: Because it's been forever and you actually, you thought it
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: was never going to happen.
• 28:49
  Speaker 5: Never going to happen.
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: The week after you meet the new guy, which you
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: really like him, you go to a party where you
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: clearly see him drunk putting the moves on somebody else.
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: Do you shut the fuck up or you don't shut
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: the fuck up?
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: I definitely tell my friend. Okay. Because she's been dating.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: I mean, because she's just starting to date someone.
• 29:13
  Speaker 5: And.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't want her– I would say still have fun
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: with him. I'm glad you're going out. But just know
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: that he's a player because he goes out and he
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: flirts with other people. It doesn't mean that– look, at
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: our age, I don't have a friend who's looking to
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: get married and have kids. So it's like if it's
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: like a Harry Dubin type, which is this guy that
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: screws everyone in Housewives, let her know that. She still
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: might have fun with him. But I would let her
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: know just so that she doesn't think– just so that
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: she's not love-bombed and thinking that this– because obviously if
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: this guy is like that, he's probably pretty charming. And
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: if you are new to dating, maybe fresh from a divorce,
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: then you might– think that you're super special and you
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: should know that you're not probably that special, but it
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: doesn't mean you still can't have fun with him.
• 30:03
  Speaker 5: Yeah. I would differ.
• 30:05
  Speaker 4: I would shut the fuck up because I feel that,
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: you know, finally she's dating again, Heather.
• 30:10
  Speaker 5: It's been a long time.
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 30:12
  Speaker 5: And also you don't know what arrangement they have.
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: You don't know if he told her, hey, I'm going
• 30:17
  Speaker 4: to do my own thing and she's like, okay with it.
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: And then the fact that I bring it up, Then
• 30:22
  Speaker 4: it would almost like humiliate her.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: That's a good point.
• 30:25
  Speaker 4: And make her feel like– Yeah. And now she– and
• 30:27
  Speaker 4: then all of a sudden she goes up to him
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: and she's like, you know what? This isn't going to
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: work because I– for her, maybe her ego and how
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: she looks in front of her friends is more important
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: than her finding a really nice guy.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: I've always struggled with this with married people. It's never
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: happened to me. But it's like if you saw– your
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: friend who's married and her husband was clearly on something
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: that was not a business meeting.
• 30:54
  Speaker 5: Something definitely not on your friend. He was on something
• 30:57
  Speaker 5: other than your friend.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: You know, what would you do? And I think it
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: changes based on the person, their situation, how close you are, how,
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: where they are in a stage of life. You know,
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: is this, is this happening? And she's pregnant with her
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: second child and is 33 and is, you know, very
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: much in love, then maybe you go to the guy
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: and be like, I know what the fuck you're doing.
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to say anything, but you better not
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: hurt her. But now you're going to be cut out
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: of her life because once he knows that, you know,
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: he's going to go to her and be like, and
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: he's going to work on breaking up the friends. So
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: sometimes you don't want to say anything if you know
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: that maybe someone's husband is stepping out because most likely
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: you're going to lose your friend for the same reasons.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: She's going to love you for a minute, but then
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: if she gets back together with him, then she's humiliated
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: because she thinks that you don't think she's a strong woman.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: And people do have their arrangements. And sometimes people, infidelity
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: isn't the worst thing that someone could do.
• 31:57
  Speaker 5: You don't know.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: You don't know what someone's thing is, even if you're close.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: So I think it's such.
• 32:03
  Speaker 5: A hard- It's very subjective.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: It's very hard and very subjective. And I think you
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: have to decide on where it is. And if your
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: friend also- is like on the verge of breaking up
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: with him and is pissed and annoyed and all this stuff.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: And you're like, all right, well, then you should know
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: that there's like another straw. Is this the, but I mean,
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: I had a friend who had, I think one of
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: the worst things happened in America that I've ever heard. Okay.
• 32:28
  Speaker 5: What happened?
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: I mean, I want to try to do it so
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: people can't totally figure it out.
• 32:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you got no names.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: No, she called me like hysterical. And this was like six,
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: seven years ago, okay? And she was someone that was
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: confiding in a few of us about her unhappiness with
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: the husband. And some suspicions of like trips and things.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: And she had a friend over and woke up and
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: something happened between them. Okay. The girlfriend and him. And
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: I was like, well, what, the reason you woke up,
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: God woke you up. Why did you wake up in
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: the middle of night? There's no, now I'm like, now
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: you have to figure out if this was going on
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: for a long time or was this a drunken thing?
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: Was he the only one to blame? She's saying like,
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: she didn't know what happened and dah, dah, dah. And,
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: but I was like, but here's your thing. You didn't want,
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: you've been like, you've been complaining about him. Now there's,
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: this is just, And she went and told like a lot.
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: She wanted everyone to know what a horrible person he was. Well,
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: then they went away. They worked it out. They whatever.
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: Then continued with their life as a couple. And she
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: clearly didn't want to, you know, end it. And I
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: was always very nice to him whenever I saw him.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: Because I'm like, she's just chosen to stay. And we're
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: not like super close. But when I'd see them in
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: a social setting, I was always like, oh, and I
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: just ask him about his business or whatever. And, you know,
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: but then at one point she was like, I can't
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: believe that these other people didn't, you know, didn't include
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: us in something. And this one girl was like, well,
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: it's because of your husband's behavior. The other husbands don't
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: want to be around him. Because they don't want their
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: wives to think that if they're friends with him, that
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: they would do something like that.
• 34:25
  Speaker 4: And that's what I was saying before, like how we
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: assassinate our character and like our partners. And all of
• 34:31
  Speaker 4: a sudden you don't get invited and everybody's.
• 34:32
  Speaker 5: Like, oh, no, after all that. But you're the one
• 34:34
  Speaker 5: that told everybody. Right, right.
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: And I even said that to her. I was like,
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: I got to ask you, do you regret sharing it? Because...
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: You know, you, I didn't spread it. My other friend
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: didn't spread it. We were like, we thought we were
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: going to take it to the grave, you know, and
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: she just went off and she wanted everyone to know
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: in our like circle. And she's like, and she said, no,
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: I don't regret anything. I was like, okay, well, good.
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 34:57
  Speaker 5: You know, that's actually.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: And she recently moved. And I said, I think that's great.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: Because I'm like, you're going to go. You're going to
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: go and no one's going to ever know this history.
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: I didn't say that to her, but that's what I
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: was thinking. And I'm like, you're moving to a great
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: different state. You know, it's going to be fresh. It's
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: going to be.
• 35:18
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I, you know, in the book I have, they're
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: called the shut the F of commandments, 10 commandments. And
• 35:24
  Speaker 4: the second one is that when you have some, when you,
• 35:28
  Speaker 4: when you're not, when you have a problem, pick one
• 35:31
  Speaker 4: trusted person to tell.
• 35:32
  Speaker 5: And that's it.
• 35:34
  Speaker 4: And actually to tell that person, it's like Heather, And
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: that happened to me the other day. I had an
• 35:38
  Speaker 4: issue with another friend, and I called three people. No
• 35:41
  Speaker 4: one was calling me up. One person called me, and
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: I said, it's you, right? I'm like, Heather, I'm going
• 35:47
  Speaker 4: to tell you something I'm not going to tell anybody else.
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: You're my one person. And it creates a bond because
• 35:52
  Speaker 4: then you're like, all right, Jorge, give it to me.
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: And then I let it rip, and I cried, and
• 35:56
  Speaker 4: I got that shoulder, and I got that empathy, and
• 35:59
  Speaker 4: then I was done. And then the other three people
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: called me back, and they're like, so what's up? And
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: I'm like, you know what? I have this thing where
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: I only tell one person and I did it, but
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: thank you. And they're like, are you sure? And I'm like, yeah,
• 36:08
  Speaker 4: I'm really sure. So that's like a hack.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that is. Also, I think even with like my
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: one person, I have been better about being like, I'm
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: going to see how I feel tomorrow before I share
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: this little thing. Because I don't want to burden the
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: one person because, you know, it's like, And again, you know,
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: so I'm like, let me just see where we're at.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: And so many times with what I do for a living.
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: And it was my my stepdaughter who said this when
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: she was very young, like she was like 12. And
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: I was like annoyed, you know, and she's with her
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: brothers and I'm like saying and she just goes, don't worry.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: mom will be fine in two weeks. This will be
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: in her act and she won't care. And I was
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: just like, what? And I just thought, you know what?
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: I do have that ability. And there's times where I
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: am like distraught, upset about something, no comedy in it
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: at all. This could be a lifetime movie drama scene. And,
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: and sure enough, like I can find the humor in,
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: You know, providing no one died, I can find the
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: humor in a lot of frustrating fights, whatever, situation with time.
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: Because that is comedy. Comedy is tragedy plus time. So
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: you can find comedy in it. So if you wait,
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: if you take the breath and you don't spend all that. But,
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: you know, you learn.
• 37:40
  Speaker 5: The universe gives you material. Well, you know, I do. Heather,
• 37:43
  Speaker 5: she's been to... She's been to a couple of my
• 37:46
  Speaker 5: comedy shows. I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good.
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: But, you know, I remember when I was in the
• 37:50
  Speaker 4: thick of doing comedy, all these crazy things would happen
• 37:53
  Speaker 4: in my life. And I was like, oh, my God,
• 37:55
  Speaker 4: this is what happens when you're a comedian. Like, everything
• 37:58
  Speaker 4: is ridiculous.
• 37:59
  Speaker 5: And you're like. How is this... Right? Do you feel
• 38:01
  Speaker 5: like your life must have all this ridiculousness?
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: Or like, you know, when working on projects that are
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: more like scripted storyline stuff, all of a sudden, you know,
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: I'm telling something and I'm like, well, I could work
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: that in my act, but actually, that's a whole episode.
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: That's a whole episode. That's, you know... And it's really
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: kind of fun because when you're in a creative mode
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: and you're using your life for content or whatever, it does...
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: piggyback on itself.
• 38:30
  Speaker 5: Yeah. I always say this exact point. I've never said
• 38:32
  Speaker 5: it before.
• 38:35
  Speaker 4: On camera, but you think of someone like Kim Kardashian, right?
• 38:38
  Speaker 4: Like Kim, God bless her. Probably her biggest dream ever
• 38:41
  Speaker 4: was to always be the most famous person in.
• 38:43
  Speaker 5: The world or something like that, right?
• 38:45
  Speaker 4: Do you really think like she could have architected for
• 38:51
  Speaker 4: her stepdad to become a woman that was only going
• 38:54
  Speaker 4: to even create more headline news? I'm just saying like,
• 38:58
  Speaker 4: When you have an intention of whether it is being
• 39:00
  Speaker 4: a great comedian or being the most famous person in
• 39:03
  Speaker 4: the world, it's almost like the universe is going to go,
• 39:05
  Speaker 4: all right, we're going to give you stuff.
• 39:07
  Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying?
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I think in the fact that it
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: happened that way.
• 39:10
  Speaker 5: Because when people say like, oh, my gosh, she architects everything.
• 39:12
  Speaker 5: I'm like, there's no way she architected.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: I think that what they are great at and she
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: really being like the one that catapults the family is
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: they are truly nice people. Yeah, and they and everyone
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: says that and and i experienced it they're truly nice
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: and polite nobody has a story about any of them
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: being rude yeah and um and oh they're always giving
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: you know people respect.
• 39:40
  Speaker 5: And i'm super professional they show up on set on
• 39:42
  Speaker 5: them whenever we work.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: With kim great work ethic yeah And also respectful of
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: the smaller people in the room, you know, not like
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: you never hear those stories about them. But also really
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: making the like I always say, Kim and Chris are
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: the best at making the lemonade out of lemons. And,
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: you know, the way Kim did react to that was,
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: you know, pinnacle like in the history of it, because
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: her acceptance and then them accepting made. Um, you know,
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: trans people, everything, such a larger conversation and, and has really,
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: and I've said that to Caitlyn Jenner. I said, Caitlyn,
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: like you, you know, you are who may, I mean,
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: you know, the ego, I know not everyone like loves, but,
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: but I'm like, and.
• 40:34
  Speaker 5: She opened the way for so many people. Yeah.
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: And then, and what she said was, she's like, you know,
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: this isn't the first time this happened in my life.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: And she said, and I remember this, but she had,
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: growing up as Bruce, had dyslexia, but people didn't know
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: what dyslexia was. And at one point she did an
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: interview and it said, I'm dyslexic. And it became this
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: thing where they're like, what is dyslexia? Kind of like
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: how autism kind of became, we never talked about autism
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: when I was 10. I never even heard the word dyslexia.
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: I don't think I heard the word until like my
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: late 20s, you know? So it's only been around for
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: like 20, 25 years that we've really talked about it.
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: And so the dyslexia, but then one thing she said
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: is that she felt that then it became such a
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: big news story that then people were like, are you dyslexic?
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: Maybe you're dyslexic. And it became ways to make money
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: on dyslexic kids and all this. And think about it.
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: Do we talk about dyslexia that much anymore? We don't.
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: It became such a thing that like everyone was dyslexic.
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: And so it was just sort of interesting. It's like
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: when she was like, this is the first time that
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: me telling something about myself has become such a in
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: the zeitgeist conversation type of a thing. But in her case,
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: it was good because it made people, you know, aware
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: and more accepting. But like, yeah, I think that's part
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: of it is just seeing what comes down the way,
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: whatever it is. And if it's something bad, trying to
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: be like, I mean, even, you know, with anything with them,
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: they just they definitely they have the they pretty much
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: are good about having the blinders on about the hate.
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: And then the opportunities they make a positive thing for
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: their people. themselves you know it's an art form okay
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: go to the next one yeah keep going.
• 42:25
  Speaker 4: Okay this is actually you gave me advice kind of
• 42:29
  Speaker 4: like this this was inspired by you oh my god
• 42:32
  Speaker 4: okay you're starting this all hypothetical everyone's single here yeah
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: you're starting to date someone right and on the third
• 42:40
  Speaker 4: date you just realize that you're not into it okay
• 42:42
  Speaker 4: you're not into it um he's a nice guy but
• 42:45
  Speaker 4: you just he's just not for you heather not for
• 42:48
  Speaker 4: you because you know peter somewhere In another world?
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I had lots of third dates where I
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: was not into it, okay? Right.
• 42:55
  Speaker 5: He keeps texting you, and he keeps texting you, though,
• 42:59
  Speaker 5: and unfortunately, he's just not getting it.
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: He's not getting it. Do you tell him how you feel,
• 43:04
  Speaker 4: or do you keep just letting him phase out and
• 43:07
  Speaker 4: for him to just get it on his own?
• 43:09
  Speaker 5: Do you shut the fuck up or don't shut.
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: The fuck up? Okay, I think this is so interesting because...
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: In my day, we did not have texting. So you
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: had voicemails and stuff. So people would call and leave
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: a voicemail. And you could call them back or you
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: could not. And definitely back then, it was a much
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: easier way to ghost back then. It was still a ghost.
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: It was still, you know, you just didn't call them back.
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: And you try a few times. I would too, too.
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: I'd get blown off by guys. And I'd be like, wait.
• 43:42
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 43:42
  Speaker 5: No.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: But it would be like, oh, you know, wait, did
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: he go? Was this the weekend for the bachelor weekend? Like,
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: why am I not hearing back? And you have it
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: a few times and then you're like, OK. And then
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: I feel like with dating apps and things, I've heard
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: from people that they do want to cut them off quick.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: They do want to be more definitive and be like,
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: had a great time. Like someone would be like, well, right.
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: I had a great time with you tonight. When can
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: I see you again? And then my friend will be like,
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: I'm not into it. So I just said, thank you
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: so much for the drinks. I don't think we're a
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: good match. And then that is like the etiquette of
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: just not dangling, not a slow ghost. I think, you know,
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: with that, I think for three dates, I think you
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: owe someone an explanation.
• 44:32
  Speaker 5: Okay. Okay.
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: Maybe that's harder. See, maybe it's harder with three dates.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: Three dates I never, ever explained to anybody. Back in
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: the day, I totally just never called them back. And
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: I had to wonder why someone didn't like me. I
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: never knew what it was. And they had to wonder too. And,
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: you know, the one time that someone was told, it
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: was my sister. So we were dating all these guys
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: and we lived together. And she was an attorney. a
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: DUI specialist, defense. And I was a comedian and we,
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: you know, and she met this guy and he was
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: a firefighter and they dated and, you know, they were dating.
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: It wasn't super serious, but it was kind of becoming
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: like a boyfriend. And he asked her to come over
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: one night and he like sat her down and broke
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: up with her, but told her why. And he was like,
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: I just am not okay with what you do for
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: a living. Because I'm a firefighter and I'm like cleaning
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: up dead bodies from drunk drivers and you defend them.
• 45:39
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: Well, now everyone needs a defense and that wasn't all
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: that she did. But it was like she came home
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: and she's like, gosh, you know, we always wonder why
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: somebody doesn't want to date us anymore. We always want
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: to know the reasons. And she's like, I could have
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: lived without that. She's like, I could have lived. With
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: him just blowing me off. I didn't have to drive
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: 35 minutes to be like, hey, we're never going to
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: date again. And so, yeah. Now I'm going back to
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: just blow him off. And it's best that you don't know.
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: Because if it's not going to improve your life, it's
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: just not meant to be. And if it's something really specific,
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: like something physical or you just don't have enough money
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: or I don't find you interesting enough or I don't
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: like your job. If it's something that you can't, like,
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: then why do you need to know that? How are
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: you helping someone?
• 46:32
  Speaker 5: And also, like, even if they're giving you, so people,
• 46:35
  Speaker 5: you know, it's like, I need closure. I need closure.
• 46:37
  Speaker 5: They could be lying to you.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 46:40
  Speaker 5: So then you're getting a fake closure. Right. So it's like,
• 46:43
  Speaker 5: you know, I was joking around. I was telling my friend,
• 46:45
  Speaker 5: I was like, the new, maybe he's not that into
• 46:48
  Speaker 5: you is maybe he has a rash in his ass.
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: Like seriously, like you don't know why someone's blowing you off.
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: They could tell you like, hey, I'm getting back with
• 46:57
  Speaker 4: my ex or I'm not into it. But at the
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: same time, it's still a fictional story.
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: The thing I always told people now that I'm thinking
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: about it or sometimes I would break.
• 47:06
  Speaker 5: Up with people. You gave me that. I would break up.
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: With someone as– So wait, what did I tell you?
• 47:12
  Speaker 5: You told me. It was so good. And I used
• 47:14
  Speaker 5: it to break up with someone. You were like, this
• 47:16
  Speaker 5: is what you do.
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: Oh, getting back together with someone.
• 47:18
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: That's what it was because I felt nobody.
• 47:21
  Speaker 5: You told me your lesbian friend from some studio.
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: What you can't. I always thought it was the perfect
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: thing because it's a nice letdown. And it was. And
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: it's if you're dating someone just a short while, you know,
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: but you've maybe gone out a few times. And you're like, my. Listen,
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: I heard from my ex. And he is apologizing and
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: really wants to give it another chance. And we were
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: together for years. And I would be mad at myself
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: if I didn't try to be with him one more time.
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: So we're going to give it one more shot. And
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: so I would do this for friends. They'd be like,
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: can you do my voice and call and break up?
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: And I would call as my friend. And I'd be like, hey,
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: I don't know. And then I remember this one guy goes, wow.
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: All right, lucky guy. And I hung up and I'm like,
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: you're a fucking bitch. You should go out with him.
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: First of all, there is no ex-boyfriend. And this guy
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: really liked you. And then I would be like sad
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: about the fake backstory. I was like, where is this
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: guy coming back to say sorry for everything he did
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: to me?
• 48:24
  Speaker 5: That should be a mood. You should have been the
• 48:26
  Speaker 5: breakup doula.
• 48:28
  Speaker 4: And the breakup doula trying to work her way into
• 48:30
  Speaker 4: one of those people she let down.
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 48:32
  Speaker 5: Wow.
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: Okay, do you have another?
• 48:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I have another one. All right, this is a harmless.
• 48:38
  Speaker 4: You go to your favorite rosé all day brunch with
• 48:41
  Speaker 4: your four besties.
• 48:43
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: After the best boozy brunch you've ever had in years,
• 48:48
  Speaker 4: you notice that the waiter comes back and he only
• 48:50
  Speaker 4: charged for three brunches instead of five.
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 48:54
  Speaker 5: He made a mistake.
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 48:55
  Speaker 5: Do you shut the fuck up or you don't shut
• 48:58
  Speaker 5: the fuck up?
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: You shut the fuck up and give him like 40% tip. 100%. Yeah.
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: He knows what he's doing. Yeah. Or she.
• 49:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 49:07
  Speaker 5: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and you got to let the universe,
• 49:11
  Speaker 5: you got to receive.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: I mean, especially if it's like a big place. Now,
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: if it was like they were struggling and they were
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: like a mom. and pop shop and they could not
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: have been sweeter. And, Something. Then maybe if I felt
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: like I'm kind of screwing them over, like we're the
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: only people there all day and they forgot to charge
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: this expensive thing and the person was a new waiter.
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: Like that would be the only thing. So that would
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: be such a rare case. Mostly I would be thrilled
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: that something was missing and I would just tip really well.
• 49:41
  Speaker 5: Okay. Yeah. Okay. This is kind of funny.
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 49:44
  Speaker 5: All right.
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: So your rich, super wealthy older friend invites you to St.
• 49:50
  Speaker 4: Bart's in his yacht for New Year's Eve.
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: I can relate.
• 49:53
  Speaker 5: She's loving it. Yeah.
• 49:55
  Speaker 4: There's a group of four of you, much younger girls
• 49:57
  Speaker 4: that were invited as well. So the four of you
• 49:59
  Speaker 4: are talking outside of the bathroom where he's currently in
• 50:03
  Speaker 4: the bathroom. Your wealthy, older, rich friend comes out of
• 50:06
  Speaker 4: the bathroom and there's some mysterious white powder in his
• 50:10
  Speaker 4: nose while he's talking to the four.
• 50:13
  Speaker 5: Of you very aggressively.
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 50:17
  Speaker 5: Do you shut the fuck up or you don't shut
• 50:19
  Speaker 5: the fuck up?
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: Of course you shut the fuck up. You're his guest.
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: He can do as much coke as he wants.
• 50:24
  Speaker 5: But you don't tell him that he... What do I
• 50:26
  Speaker 5: mean by that?
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: Oh, you go like that? Yeah. No, I don't think so. Eventually,
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: he'll go back to the bathroom to get more and
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: see it. And, you know, no.
• 50:36
  Speaker 5: Only if.
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: First of all, I've never really had that happen.
• 50:40
  Speaker 5: Okay, I have a story.
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: Where I've seen it because I just– I've said this
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: before since I've never even ever tried cocaine in my life.
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: I feel like people know if you're– sometimes I've had
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: people be like, I can get you some whatever. And
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: then when I'm like, oh, no, thank you. I'm not interested.
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: Then the minute they register as like you're not one
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: to participate, they really keep that part of their life
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: separate from you. It doesn't mean you won't be invited.
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: You might not be invited to some things, but if
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: they end up doing it, they're not going to be
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: doing it in front of you because there's something that
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: goes with it. And I don't know why, because I
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: don't judge people for that. Well, now I judge you
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: because there could be fentanyl and you could die.
• 51:15
  Speaker 5: So that's stupid. This was in the 80s.
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: But I do feel that for some reason, like people
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: I know that were in my circle that loved cocaine
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: that I was on trips with that I can honestly
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: say I never saw them do it.
• 51:31
  Speaker 5: But listen, this could be also food in your teeth.
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: Food in your teeth, yes. And it's always so embarrassing,
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: but yes, I do tell someone and I do appreciate
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: when someone tells me. So I think if I saw
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: that and I knew somebody, I think maybe I would,
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: not in his case, because he's the man, he's paying
• 51:47
  Speaker 2: for everything, who cares? But if it was like a
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: friend and it was a party or something, And it
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: was really obvious. I'd be like.
• 51:53
  Speaker 5: But you know what?
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: And I'd like wink at him just because I wouldn't
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: want them to then be embarrassed.
• 51:58
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 51:59
  Speaker 5: Well, you know, that actually happened to me years ago.
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 52:02
  Speaker 5: When I was, you know. Having fun. Years ago.
• 52:05
  Speaker 4: And I was on a boat. It was my friend's boat.
• 52:08
  Speaker 4: And he was talking to our other friend. It was
• 52:09
  Speaker 4: only like three, like four of us.
• 52:11
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 52:11
  Speaker 5: And I was on the other side of the boat
• 52:13
  Speaker 5: and they were talking. So I. For a while.
• 52:16
  Speaker 4: And after for a while they were talking, I came
• 52:18
  Speaker 4: to them and I'm like, hey. And then I see
• 52:21
  Speaker 4: my friend that has, you know, a substance. And I go, hey,
• 52:24
  Speaker 4: you have something right there. All of a sudden he
• 52:26
  Speaker 4: turns to my other friend and he goes, how can
• 52:28
  Speaker 4: you not tell me? We've been talking for the last
• 52:30
  Speaker 4: 30 minutes. What kind of a friend does that to me?
• 52:33
  Speaker 5: And my friend was like, so it could backfire. Yeah.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 52:38
  Speaker 5: So that was.
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: Okay, let's do one more.
• 52:40
  Speaker 5: One more, one more.
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: These are like a different would you rathers, but you better.
• 52:44
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 52:44
  Speaker 4: So you go meet your best friends in South America
• 52:48
  Speaker 4: for New Year's and you're single. So you end up
• 52:52
  Speaker 4: on a date and you meet a really amazing guy
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: and the chemistry is on point.
• 52:55
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 52:56
  Speaker 6: Okay.
• 52:56
  Speaker 5: Wink, wink. But on the third day, you have a
• 53:00
  Speaker 5: little cold sore outbreak.
• 53:02
  Speaker 6: Okay.
• 53:03
  Speaker 5: Okay. And on your lip.
• 53:04
  Speaker 4: And now it's very small, so it could pass for
• 53:08
  Speaker 4: a pimple. But also, and also you're probably never going
• 53:11
  Speaker 4: to see this person again. Do you shut the fuck
• 53:14
  Speaker 4: up or you don't shut.
• 53:15
  Speaker 5: The fuck up?
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: Okay, so I have herpes and I'm having an outbreak.
• 53:21
  Speaker 5: Mm-hmm.
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: I didn't get the herpes from him.
• 53:24
  Speaker 4: No, not necessarily because you get it once in a
• 53:26
  Speaker 4: while or like every, you know, four.
• 53:29
  Speaker 5: Years or whatever.
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: Back in the day, I had a couple close friends
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: that had herpes.
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: And it feels like there was like so many herpes
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: commercials back in the day.
• 53:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: A dyslexic person with herpes was everywhere 20 years ago.
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: Where are they? Anyway. So and they both both of
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: them were attorneys.
• 53:52
  Speaker 5: OK.
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: And female attorneys.
• 53:54
  Speaker 5: OK.
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: And they felt they had to tell every single person
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: that they had it. And I was like. But wait
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: a minute. Like if you're not having an outbreak for
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: six years and whatever, why are you putting someone in
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: this position to have to decide to get with you
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: or not or whatever? And one of the person that
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: disclosed it before sex, like you're supposed to, like like
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: she's going to be disbarred or whatever. And and. The
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: guy was so into her and he went to his
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: brother who was a doctor and like asked about it
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: and was like– the guy was like, you'll be fine.
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: Unless she's having an outbreak, you're going to be fine.
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: They have been married forever, have kids. He's never, ever
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: gotten it.
• 54:41
  Speaker 5: Well, first, it's not just sex.
• 54:43
  Speaker 4: Like people have the, it just, it stress builds it,
• 54:47
  Speaker 4: like triggers it.
• 54:48
  Speaker 5: It's not necessarily a sexually transmitted.
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: But there's been like lawsuits about, I mean, obviously about
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: like AIDS and stuff, but like there's things like that, which,
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: you know, you can like, I get why people are
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: like when they get it. And at the time it
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: was like, oh my God. And it was so shameful
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: and like, oh, it came from this and who must
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: have given it to me and all of that. I
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: feel like, Hopefully, in today's world of dating, of STDs
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: and stuff, we have medicine that it's not as big
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: of a deal as it was like 25 years ago.
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: But I would say, I would say you do. I
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: would say wear a condom and don't tell anybody that
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: you have it.
• 55:27
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 55:27
  Speaker 4: Well, in the example, it means on the lip. So
• 55:30
  Speaker 4: you get it on the lip and it could pass
• 55:32
  Speaker 4: for a pimple. But you know that it's a cold sore.
• 55:35
  Speaker 4: Would you tell the person, hey, like, I really like you, but.
• 55:39
  Speaker 4: this thing just came up and.
• 55:40
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think I would not engage with him
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: anymore because I wouldn't want to give it to him
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: if I had something like that.
• 55:47
  Speaker 5: That's what I'm saying.
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: If I was dormant and I'm dating somebody and I
• 55:51
  Speaker 2: really liked them. That's what I'm saying. But these, these
• 55:54
  Speaker 2: girls were telling everybody. And for one, it was fine.
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: Cause she told the right person.
• 56:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: And they stayed married for the other one. I mean,
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: she's still single today.
• 56:04
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: And I don't think that's the reason.
• 56:06
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: Cause she's, Got other issues. But I do think that's
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: kind of like an interesting thing. And I kind of
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: wonder for the dating people, what is that today? Because
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I haven't been single in so long.
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: What is it when you have something? Are you supposed
• 56:18
  Speaker 2: to tell somebody?
• 56:19
  Speaker 4: No, if something's dormant, why would you say? First of all,
• 56:24
  Speaker 4: a cold sore can be triggered. It's stress triggered, right?
• 56:27
  Speaker 4: It's not necessarily that you... You're engaged in some sort
• 56:31
  Speaker 4: of making out or something, then you got it. So
• 56:34
  Speaker 4: if something's dormant.
• 56:35
  Speaker 5: I don't think it needs to be disclosed.
• 56:38
  Speaker 4: Now, if it's there, I think, yeah, I think you
• 56:41
  Speaker 4: have a human duty, citizen duty to tell the person, hey,
• 56:45
  Speaker 4: I'm having an outbreak.
• 56:46
  Speaker 5: This isn't a pimple. Just I want to be responsible.
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: So your book is doing great.
• 56:52
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: It's only $ 18. 99.
• 56:54
  Speaker 5: $ 18. 99. It's an Amazon number one bestseller right now.
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: That is so awesome.
• 56:59
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: And you said it's doing really well, and maybe because
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: the title is so catchy.
• 57:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 57:07
  Speaker 4: It's the cliff notes of so many years of really
• 57:09
  Speaker 4: studying just the human experience and how we can be
• 57:13
  Speaker 4: not just more effective, but just more compassionate with ourselves
• 57:17
  Speaker 4: and others.
• 57:18
  Speaker 5: It really is.
• 57:20
  Speaker 4: You start loving and accepting people more and really injecting empathy.
• 57:25
  Speaker 4: And we live in a, I bring up a lot
• 57:29
  Speaker 4: of questions about just human dynamic. For example, like let's
• 57:33
  Speaker 4: say you and I are coworkers and we have a
• 57:35
  Speaker 4: boss and we're always saying what a nightmare he is.
• 57:38
  Speaker 4: Like if you knew that talking about him and describing
• 57:42
  Speaker 4: him as a nightmare keeps him being that way, you
• 57:45
  Speaker 4: keep experiencing that as a nightmare, would you still do it?
• 57:47
  Speaker 4: To get those 20 minutes of banter, is it worth,
• 57:51
  Speaker 4: those hours of you suffering because this guy or this
• 57:55
  Speaker 4: woman is a nightmare to you so it's like the
• 57:58
  Speaker 4: way that we yeah.
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: I definitely also think yeah but also in an office
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: thing that is where one bad apple can rot the
• 58:05
  Speaker 2: rest right and that's why when someone is clearly unhappy
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: yeah and then you're like and then they fired me
• 58:12
  Speaker 2: and they're like well what happened well they brought me
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: in they were like you're not happy and they're like
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: yeah I am and you're like and it's because they
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: know that like if you're miserable and you're pointing out
• 58:23
  Speaker 2: all the things that are wrong with the job, then
• 58:25
  Speaker 2: you go to coffee with another person from the office
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: and you can be like black mold, you know? And
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: so that's the other thing. Like, know that if you're
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: not happy at a job, but you're not ready to leave,
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: these people that are working with you are not your friends.
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: They are not Like, I know it's fun to go
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: get coffee and commiserate and bag on this person, but
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: eventually you're going to be gone whether you leave or
• 58:51
  Speaker 2: you get fired. And these people that are, you're not
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: going to hang out with them in two weeks. You're
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: just not. I mean, maybe they'll stay friends on social media,
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: but you're really, the relationship was strong because you saw
• 59:03
  Speaker 2: them every day. I saw the funniest thing that this
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: guy put on TikTok. He's like, there's no two people
• 59:09
  Speaker 2: more important. in love or something than two people that
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: you work with that are both weird to other people
• 59:15
  Speaker 2: that are flirting like the relationship like it can work
• 59:18
  Speaker 2: both ways you can two people that one person hates
• 59:22
  Speaker 2: the job can make the other one hate the job
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: too And then one, and then two people that are
• 59:26
  Speaker 2: not in great marriages that, but are together every day
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: at a job, that's the most common affair, you know?
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: And then they get married and then they realize like, oh,
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: it was just fun because we were flirting and, you know,
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: it is, but again, it's that connecting and like, like feeding,
• 59:44
  Speaker 2: like fueling the fire.
• 59:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: You know? Adding to it.
• 59:48
  Speaker 5: What if we can retrain what relatedness and connection is?
• 59:53
  Speaker 5: You know, if like, instead of commiserating over gossiping or whatever,
• 59:58
  Speaker 5: what if you could actually, and those are the hacks
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 5: that I have.
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 4: If somebody's saying something, you could literally just be like,
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 4: I hear you. Just don't add to those conversations because
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 4: that's where those conversations, they come and bite you back
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 4: in the ass. And people don't even have to know.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 4: You could walk into a situation where everybody's bad-mouthing somebody.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 5: You could just go, wow, I hear you.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 4: And they'll think you're jumping in But you know that
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 4: you're not.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 5: And that's what makes all the difference.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 4: So it's like so so so I give you like
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 4: all these different hacks that you could do. Like if
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 4: you're going to talk about a friend, just don't say
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 4: their name. Like just get it. Just it's a little hack.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 4: Like be like, oh, so I have this friend just
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 4: by you not saying their name. You're just you're you're
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 4: you're saving your integrity about it. And you can still
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 4: be funny and tell great stories.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 5: Right. Crack up the whole room. But it just has
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 5: a different tonality. Yeah.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: So tell everybody where they can follow you and buy
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: the book.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 4: So you can follow me at JorgePerezJR on Instagram. My
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 4: website is stfumethod.com. Under Amazon is the Shut the Fuck
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 4: Up Method. And yeah, let me know what you think.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 4: I'm really excited about this. I think it's going to
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 4: really do a lot of healing. And thank you for
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 4: having me.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 5: You're the best.
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: From morning swims in Sandy Cove to coffee in Ranelagh
• 1:01:24
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