Latest / The Cyclical Doula Podcast: Fertility Awareness, Charting Cycles, and Reproductive Health Education / Uncovering the Power of Healing: A Journey Through Trauma and Fertility with Anu Verma
Transcript
- emmamma: I am so excited today to have this conversation. ⁓ Would you like to describe who you are outside of your work and your titles? Emmamma: Today I'm sitting down with Anu Verma, a author, podcaster, trauma practitioner, and the founder of Victim to Victor. She brings a rare blend of evidence-based training and holistic practices drawing from psychology, embodiment work, and her own live experiences. In our conversation, she shares what it looks like to conceive naturally at 37 and again at 42, even when medical expectations were stacked against her. Thanks so much for being here today on the cyclical doula podcast. If this episode resonated with you, the most powerful thing that you can do is to share it, send it to a friend, text it to your sister, forward it to that group chat. This is how conversations about our bodies start changing, quietly, organically, woman to woman. you are listening and thinking, ⁓ ⁓ want help applying this to my Anu: I am so excited today to have this conversation. Would you like to describe who you are outside of your work and your titles? ⁓ yeah, absolutely. Hi, everyone. So I'm someone who is very curious about people, about healing trauma in particular, and just about, you know, the consequences of trauma and what it does to ourselves and our body. And so ⁓ as a consequence of my curiosity, I actually went on to ⁓ get qualified in actually healing trauma. And also I wrote a book about my own journey. And I also podcast about this as well, about trauma healing. And so I'm just so ⁓ passionate about what it is that makes us humans feel truly alive, know, truly fulfilled, truly passionate. Emmamma: But she goes far beyond fertility, into trauma, nervous system regulation, and how disconnection from our bodies can quietly shape so many parts of our health. What I love about her story is that nothing is offered from a place or fear or pressure. It's grounded, hopeful, and rooted in the belief that our bodies are far more intelligent, resilient, and capable than we're often taught to trust. Let's get into it. I offer free cycle clarity calls. It's a relaxed conversation over Zoom we talk through your goals, your charting practices, and kind of support that would actually make sense for you. can book one at emmamma.com / free. And if you already, make sure you're following or subscribe to the Cyclical Doula - podcast so that you don't miss future episodes. Anu: because so many of us are walking around numb and just in our comfort zones and not understanding that there can be more to life. But in order to get to that, we have to heal oneself. We have to go within and we have to do the work. And so many of us are scared of that because they're scared of what may arise if they do do the work, know, what is hidden within us. And that's why my work really delves deep into that. Emmamma: And if you feel called to leave a rating or review, it genuinely helps more women find this work. So thank you. You deserve to understand body. You deserve to feel confident in your reproductive choices. And you ⁓ have to figure it out alone. I'll see you next week. Thanks for being here. Anu: deep into that curiosity and deep into just what makes us human. So I am a mom of two and I'm also very empathetic. I am a lifelong learner, consistently learning and I'm also someone who just now I actually find joy in the simpler things which I never used to do because of my trauma. So I love being out in nature, obviously. It's cold now and I feel like it's a great time to be out because when we are cold, you know, we are actually stepping out of our comfort zones and just being out of our comfort zones is linked to resilience building. So again, I never used to be into the cold. I used to just be very much wanting the warmth. So because I've healed and because I now know what stepping out of our comfort zone does. I now enjoy the winter. So yeah, I guess that's a bit about me. I love that. What is one of your like rhythms or rituals that you are loving in this season? Wow. I have a cold plunge in my garden. And yeah. And the thing is, the cold plunge, it actually goes back in the shed over the summer because I just feel like, ⁓ you know, emmamma: That's great. I love that. What is one of your like rhythms or rituals that you are loving in this season? Bye. Anu: there's for me there's no point doing it in the summer for me the point is when it's actually you know zero degrees outside and you're then getting into that cold plunge that shocks the body but it's also the best thing for mental health and for even if fights off depression and anxiety we don't even realize you know what what the cold can can do to us and this all started from my Wim Hof retreat which I did ⁓ emmamma: Mmm. Anu: earlier last year. And I never realized that I was even capable of withstanding the cold to that extent. But it's all in the breath, which is why I'm really into breath work and grounding exercises and just really understanding what a regulated nervous system is. yeah, I've done a lot of work on that. That's awesome. So you shared with me beforehand. emmamma: That's awesome. I love that. So you shared with me beforehand that you have a unique fertility experience that you had your kids later in life. Would you like to share about that song? Anu: that you have a unique fertility experience that you had your kids later in life. Would you like to share about that song? Yeah, sure. So it never happened, you know, because of the fact that I had any issues with conceiving before the age of 38. Emmamma: Welcome to the Cyclical Doula podcast. I'm Emma, a certified fertility awareness educator, miscarriage doula and the founder of Emmamma Anu: when I first did conceive, it was a fact that I was in some real bad relationships and I just didn't fancy having a baby with these people. So what happened was that, I was getting into my late 30s and I was then obviously the anxiety kicks in and thinking, oh my God, will I ever be able to have a baby? And I haven't actually found a partner either. And so I did see my doctor a few times and they did say, your chances are gonna be very limited and that. emmamma: Mm-hmm. Anu: you know, it's best to maybe try the IVF procedure when the time comes. And so I just had this mindset around, ⁓ okay, I'm never gonna be able to have babies. And so I did actually end up finding someone. And it's interesting because ⁓ I was never broody, like I never even, you know, I don't know, I just never. ⁓ had this inkling to have children because I was just so busy with my life and trying to heal at that time. And prior to that, I was just out exploring life and building my career and just traveling loads. And so anyway, so what happened was I actually went on a detox retreat when I was about 37. And it was actually Tony Robbins detox retreat. And it was like a vegan one, raw food, veg. Emmamma: This space is for women who want to understand their bodies deeply, not just memorize information, but actually feel confident in interpreting their cycles. Here we talk about ovulation, hormones, cervical mucus, basal body temperature, and all that's messy in between emotional layers that come with being woman. We talk about trying to conceive, avoiding pregnancy ⁓ hormones. Anu: And for about two weeks I was there just cleansing my system. And so I got back home ⁓ and with my partner and obviously we caught up. then it turns out that catch up led to a pregnancy, like instant pregnancy. I was absolutely shocked. I was also quite emotional because obviously. emmamma: Yep. Emmamma: postpartum transitions, pregnancy loss, perimenopause, and everything in between. Because body literacy isn't just about charting. It's about the autonomy. It's about informed consent. It's about not outsourcing your reproductive decisions to guesswork or fear. Each week, you'll hear conversations with women's health professionals, ⁓ workers, ⁓ Anu: You know, it was a bit of a shock thinking how did this happen? Because, you know, we were careful as well. But I just think because my body was so cleansed that just a little bit of sperm obviously entered and it instantly fertilized me. mean, I got fertilized and so on. So, yeah, I mean, you know, the doctors were quite shocked and I really do believe that it was the fact that I was on this ⁓ Emmamma: and researchers along with solo episodes where I teach practical skills you can apply to your own cycle right away. if you have ever felt like you should have learned this information sooner, if you have ever felt disconnected from your cycle, emmamma: Yeah Anu: total body cleanse and my body was just so skeptical to it. So that happened and then I also got pregnant again at 42. Again, the doctors were just like saying that, oh, you got no chance now, you're a Geviatric, you know, and you're going to be, you'll probably get, they were actually saying that you'll probably get type two diabetes as well because of my ethnicity as well. And so, and it was funny because when, when I actually went for my glucose intolerance test, Emmamma: If you want to raise the next generation without shame around their bodies, you are in the right place. So grab your tea, open up your notes app, and let's build a cycle confidence together. Anu: I actually had the glucose that they give to you to drink. And they were just shocked because my body literally just metabolised it and it was like there was no glucose in my system. The doctor was just like, you know, we're actually quite shocked because you should be getting diabetes. I was thinking, isn't it a good thing? Should we be celebrating my health? emmamma: crazy. Yep. Anu: But it's interesting because I even explained to the doctor, I said, well, I've been on Ayurvedic herbs, mainly for my hair and just to balance out my hormones. was on Shatavari it was and Ashwagandha. And I told my doctor this and she just said, well, no, we don't really talk about Ayurveda because they haven't been scientifically proven. And if you go on the internet, it's all bad stuff. on it about the mercury poisoning and all that stuff that goes on with, you know, whatever, whatever propaganda they're trying to spread at the time. But I really do believe that because I was on these herbs, I got pregnant instantly again. So I think like moral of the story is that if we look after our health and if we balance out our hormones, regulate our nervous system, regulate our, you know, just the whole internal homeostatic. emmamma: Yes! Anu: their system, then I feel like we can get pregnant. Yeah. At any age, probably. Well, up until probably menopause. Yeah. Right, right. Absolutely. There is a time. Absolutely. So do you feel like the work that you're doing with people understanding trauma and like chronic stress can really impact and connect with their emmamma: Yeah. Right, right. Absolutely. There is a time. Yeah, absolutely. So do you feel like the work that you're doing with people understanding trauma and like chronic stress can really impact and connect with their fertility and cycles and all of those things? Anu: fertility and cycles and all of those things. 100%. Wow, 100%. Yeah. So what I've learned is that fertility is not just physical, you know, it's deeply emotional and very nervous system led. So if we're under a state of stress where your cortisol levels are rocket high, you know, and there's a lot of internal stress, especially as moms, there's a lot of internal stress that we don't even, we don't even acknowledge, but it's cognitive stress because it's all the thought processes that go into the management of the day-to-day basis of our children. It's managing their diaries and managing their welfare, making sure that they get school and time, making sure that they get a fare, making sure there's enough food in the kitchen. That's all that. It's a lot for anyone to ⁓ actually mentally process. So yeah, and that's what I found is that stress is the number one, we know it's the number one killer anyway, and trauma as well, unhealed trauma. So if we had childhood abuse or if we have any kind of ⁓ complex ⁓ trauma or complex PTSD from bad relationships that we may have had, you know, we all know that war veterans are very prone to PTSD anyway, but PTSD is also... Unfortunately, it can be caused by relational issues as well. And that's obviously a lot of the work that's happening now. We only need to go online to understand that now, which is great. And so, yeah, my journey kind of showed me that stress, trauma, and just a disconnection from the body can actually silently impact our fertility cycle. And it also showed me the intelligence and the resilience of the body. you know, when we actually are able to support it gently. So, which is why grounding work and breath work are huge when it comes to nervous system regulation. And I really advise everyone in the world actually has a practice to make sure that they can calm their nervous system on a daily basis. Yeah, absolutely. I think that's so important. Do you have a good way for everybody to do that? Or is it like so specific on the person? emmamma: Yeah, absolutely. I think that's so important. Do you have a good way for everybody to do that? Or is it like so specific on the person? Anu: Yeah, I think definitely anyone who's undergone any sort of traumatic experiences definitely should. I feel like it should be part of their day-to-day ⁓ like a ritual that they have. For me, exercise has been very beneficial as well because with exercise, you you move in the body and it's also increasing the endorphins and the feel-good hormones, which is what we need. We all need to feel good. Especially as moms, I know it's hard as moms trying to juggle and trying to fit exercise in, but even like a brisk walk, it's just so, ⁓ my God, like the benefit that you get and the instant release of feel-good hormones that you get from having a walk, and that's easy and we can take our kids with us as well, know, if they're sitting in a boogie, that's fantastic, just push the boogie. Mine are like three and seven, so they'll both be walking, so. emmamma: Mm-hmm. Anu: Yeah, it would be a very interesting. Absolutely. I love that. And I think we're recording this right around the New Year. So a lot of people have a lot of holiday and stress. And I was just thinking with some other people, some clients and stuff that how much. emmamma: It can be slower. West brisk. Yeah, absolutely. I love that. And I think we're recording this right around the new year. So a lot of people have a lot of holiday and stress. And I was just thinking with some other people, clients and stuff that how much our bodies undergo stress during this time that we don't even realize like we like know that there's a lot of stuff going on preparation for holidays preparation for the new year, but Anu: our bodies undergo stress during this time that we don't even realize. Like we like know that there's a lot of stuff going on, preparation for holidays, preparation for the new year, but how much I can impact how our cycle looks like and all of that can really affect it. And I can only imagine when people don't realize how much stress their body is actually under because it's been through so much and in a stressful state for so long, how much it's really affecting their bodies. emmamma: how much that can impact how our cycle looks like and all of that can really affect it. And I can only imagine when people don't realize how much stress their body is actually under because it's been through so much and in a stressful state for so long, how much it's really affecting their bodies. Anu: Exactly, honestly, it is a silent killer. And I remember seeing stuff about this years ago, and you don't actually understand it until you see people suffering around you. And until a lot of the time, unfortunately, it's too late because by that time, they've got cancer or, you know, they have some chronic illness. And a lot of that is stress led. And because Stress causes all sorts of inflammatory responses, know, it increases inflammation, which increases your acidity levels in the body. And that's all linked to obviously chronic illnesses. And so we can do so much to regulate our systems. Obviously, I've spoken about the holistic stuff that we can do, healing, know, healing the whole body, the nervous system, you know, I actually trained as an embodiment coach as well because there's just so many movements that we can do on a daily basis to do that as well. I used to be a yogi. Yoga was really fantastic for me. I struggled with yoga when I was in a trauma state because it really scared me just being in those poses. It gave me a really unsafe feeling. So I really had to heal my nervous system before I could actually appreciate yoga. There's a lot of things to bear in mind when it comes to what practice suits you. In terms of actual nutrition, wow, know, nutrition's huge and I've always got alkalizing greens in my kitchen because again, know, when you're drinking coffee and especially now there's so many rich foods that we've been eating over the season. just by having some alkalizing greens every day can really help to bring the acidic levels down. And again, that can have a fantastic effect on the physiology as well. So yeah, there's a lot that can be done. So, you know, I would advise it can get quite overwhelming when you start researching, you know, how to regulate nervous system. But I'd say just kind of listen to your body, just sit there in silence and just maybe feel if there's any tension or pain anywhere or... what thoughts are going through your mind and just write them down because it helps you to get out of your head when you actually write things down. So get out your head and onto paper. I always do that with my to-do list actually because I'm done with a lot. Oh my God, have so much to do, especially managing two kids. And so I just find just having things down on paper really helps to regulate that as well. Yeah, absolutely. Getting it out of your brains or not. emmamma: Yeah, absolutely. Getting it out of your brains, you're not using that space for that. Yeah. Anu: using that space for that. Exactly, yeah, well that's it, yeah, because we just get into our, it's just our thought processes, it's the amygdala, isn't it? It's a fight or flight response. So what we want to do is try and get out of our amygdala and into our prefrontal cortex, which is our logical reasoning part of the brain, and that really helps to structure things, and it just helps with the overwhelm and any, you know, crazy... like mumbo jumbo that might be going on in your head. What we're lacking then is the prefrontal cortex actually being the dominant part of the brain. So by writing things down, it really helps that. So I really would advise that. That's how my book started actually. It was because I started journaling. started writing my thoughts down and started writing down about past experiences that were triggering me. And yeah, and then I actually... got a book out of it. So hey, who knows where your writing may lead to you. Amazing. I love that. You also shared with me something that you have called the chemistry trap. And this is this is the like tool that you have about relationship patterns. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Yeah, so relationships has just been such a huge part of my growth. We do you know, we learn a lot when we are in relationships and emmamma: Amazing. I love that. ⁓ You also shared with me something that you have called the chemistry trap. And this is this is the like tool that you have about relationship patterns. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Anu: We also learn a lot when we're not in relationships. And so I unfortunately kept falling into relationships, into bad relationships, because I was lacking so much self-worth that I felt like a man, I needed a man to validate me, to make me feel like I was special. But unfortunately, because of how insecure and how low vibrational I was running off, I was attracting low vibrational men into my life. And they were, a lot of them turned out to be abusers and... they had their own severe insecurity issues of like alcoholism and just narcissism. And yeah, there was just so many bad traits that they possess. And so because of that, I realised that like attracts like because I was so low vibration, I was attracting these people. So I just feel like, you know, we really have to start to love ourselves before we can love others. And so the chemistry trap is that it's to understand, you know, if you're not currently feeling happy in your relationship, or if you keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners, which is what they all tend to be when they're insecure, they're not emotionally available for you. So yeah, so how can you have a healthy relationship? So that's what the chemistry diagnostic tool does. It helps you to just assess that and just try to understand yourself a bit better. Yeah, so I would recommend, obviously, I'm sure you'll be sharing the link, but I would recommend just maybe, yeah, go on there, have a go and see what comes from it. Yeah, absolutely. We'll put those in the show notes. But I also, as you saying that, if somebody's listening and already in a relationship and whether or not it's feeling like good or bad or whatever, I also feel like, this be a relationship with their kids and how they want to change? emmamma: Yeah, absolutely. I'll put those in the show notes. But I also as you're saying that if somebody's listening and already in a relationship and whether or not it's feeling like good or bad or whatever. I also feel like could this be a relationship with their kids and how they want to change that how they're parenting or how they're showing up for those relationships with that. Anu: how they're parenting or how they're showing up for the relationships with that. Yeah, absolutely. It does because like the work that I do with my coaching now is literally relationships and those relationships can be with mainly it's relationship with yourself. You need to understand how you are having a relationship with yourself because it all starts with you. you if you're not able to love yourself fully or to appreciate yourself fully, then how can you love or appreciate other people, including our children? And I know that a lot of moms, it is mainly moms that I see that, you know, they'd always say, you know, my children come first, as in like, you know, the children comes before them. But I just feel like you need to come first because how can you give from a half full cup? You know, you need to feel your cup first before you can actually show that love to your children. So yes, this is huge. And it does all fall under the chemistry trap. So definitely give it a go. Yeah, that's great. think, like you just said, I do think there's this pressure of like, we have to put kids first and we don't. emmamma: Yeah, that's great. think, like you just said, I do think there's this pressure of like, we have to put kids first and we don't do a good job as moms in a general society of making sure that we're functioning well first and how much better a society could be if we could just put ourselves first in the sense of mental, physical health, emotional health, and then go from there. Anu: do a good job as moms in a general society of making sure that we're functioning well first and how much better a society could be if we could just put ourselves first in the sense of mental, physical health, emotional health, and then go from there. 100%. It is. And I feel you're right that there's so much judgment. People ⁓ judge. us mums if we do put ourselves first and you know we get might get called selfish or you know she's she's so vain but i'm sorry you have to like cut out the noise and just focus on you know on what it is that keeps you fulfilled what keeps you happy and this is why having self-care and me time is vital for any mom I know it's hard as single moms in particular when they haven't got that level of support, but this is why I always say it does take a community to raise a child. And this is why, you there's people in the tribes and in the villages and shamanic, you know, villages out there. It's not a solo job. They've got like tribes raising children because that's what it, that's how it should be. emmamma: Yeah. Anu: And you find like, you the moms, they're the most happiest people on the planet. Like, they're just so fulfilled because they got all this support. So I do think that even a single mom, you know, we need to be out there and trying to make other mom friends to try and create little communities of support that people that can nurture us and, you know, be there for us and so that we're not doing it on our own because isolation is the number one thing, you know, that causes depression. It's a being isolated and feeling unsupported. So definitely try and work on a way to create that little community. Yeah, that's so good. I think that's so important on so many different levels. What else do you want to share with listeners about your experience and your work? Yeah, well, I just think that so many of us, you we are on autopilot and that's evident. emmamma: Yeah, that's so good. I think that's so important on so many different levels. What else do you want to share with listeners about your experience and your work? Anu: I've seen it so much during the season as well, you know, that people are, they kind of get stuck into this season thinking that they have to buy presents because, you know, it's what the season is about. And what I've really respected is those people who have actually said that they don't want to be involved in that because they want to, you know, for them, this season is about just feeling that joy and fulfillment without having to consume presents. And I love that because what they're sharing there is authenticity. They're showing that, know, they're not aligned to what's going on socially. And for me, alignment is key. And I just feel like for everyone on this planet, you we have to be aligned with what we do and not follow other people and not follow societal pressures. But in order to actually feel aligned, you have to understand yourself better. And by understanding yourself, we'll just... open up so much about you, so much beautiful traits may even come out, you know, when you start to understand yourself. But that a lot of that can't be done on your own. So I would recommend that if you do want to, if you know that there's more to life and you do want to grow and feel more fulfillment, more passion, then try and get some support to enable you to do that. Like don't Don't try, don't feel like there's nothing out there for you because there's so much, there's so many people out there. And even like these podcasts are fantastic. So feel like, you know, they give you the knowledge for you to then be able to assess your own life and to then, cause that's it, it's the awareness, isn't it? And then from then you can then move on forward and do something about it if you choose to. yeah. ⁓ emmamma: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, there's so much power and just having that knowledge to begin with that awareness of like, okay, like, first of all, like, there can be something different. And then also, like, here are some paths that we can go down to make some changes or feel more supported or all of those things. Anu: Absolutely. Yeah, there's so much power in just having that knowledge to begin with that awareness of like, okay, like, first of all, like, there can be something different. And then also, like, here are some paths that we can go down to make some changes or feel more supported or all of those things. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, definitely. And, and it's not something to be done alone, either. You know, we all need that accountability, like somebody to support us and to be by our side. ⁓ so yeah, reach out for help, get a coach, get a therapist, get a, you know, find a healer or even a friend, somebody who's non-biased and non-judgmental, somebody who can be there, who you can talk to about the changes that you want to make in your life and how to get there. Yeah, pick up the phone, talk to people. God, so many people, they're just like texting now, but there's something different when you actually talk to people. So yeah. Open your mouth, say something. It's huge. So I shared with you right before we got on that I have a six year old and a four year old and we in our house, we like my husband and I have cell phones, but we haven't had a house phone and we bought a house phone for Christmas this year so that they can learn how to make phone calls because we're like, they don't know how to do this. I mean, they're still little, so we got plenty of time, but it's been so funny. They've been just loving calling family recently to be able to just say hi. emmamma: Absolutely. It's huge. So I shared with you right before we got on that I have a six year old and a four year old. And we in our house, we like my husband and I have cell phones. But we haven't had a house phone and we bought a house phone for Christmas this year, so that they can learn how to make phone calls because we're like they don't know how to like do this. I mean, they're still little so we got plenty of time but It's been so funny. They've been just loving calling family recently to be able to just say hi. And they don't really say enough. my poor family, they've been answering the same questions over and over again. Yeah. Anu: And they don't really say enough, my poor family, they've been answering the same questions over and over again. That's so funny. ⁓ I love that you actually bought a house phone. God, obviously, let me donkey shoes. I know. But yeah, just that conversation and it can be so helpful, that community aspect of it. I feel like if someone's listening and they're in this state of like discouragement or just being afraid of like emmamma: Yeah, I know. But yeah, just that conversation and can be so helpful that community aspect of it. I feel like if someone's listening and they're in this state of like discouragement or just being afraid of like, feeling stuck, what do you what do you have for them to kind of start that process? Anu: feeling stuck, what do you have for them to kind of stroke that process? Yeah, well, I just want everyone to understand that, you your body, it's not your enemy. It's not broken and it's just doing its best to keep you safe. So, you know, if you haven't yet been on any kind of healing journey, then it's more likely that you might have some blockages within you and... We do call that the ego state because it's like the defense mechanism. It protects you from harm. But in order to release that ego state, ⁓ I do recommend that you get some healing. Reiki really helped me, like Reiki healing and emotional freedom therapy was a fantastic one as well, which is like the tapping technique. yeah, but a lot of this, you you would need to go and find like a local healer. somebody to help you to ⁓ actually release those blockages. So I think that that would be the first step. Yeah. Yeah, that's great. Awesome. Well, let's wrap up. there anything else you want to share? And then how can people connect with you? Yeah, so please do follow me. ⁓ I'm mainly active on Instagram and then obviously, ⁓ Facebook's linked to that. And if I do videos, emmamma: Yeah, that's great. Awesome. Well, let's wrap up. there anything else you want to share? And then how can people connect with you? Anu: I do love doing videos, then they go on to TikTok as well. And so you can find me, my name, which is Anu Verma, or Victim to Victor with a number two. And yeah, so you should be able to find me on all social platforms. And if you would like to book a call with me to work with me, then ⁓ there's also a calendly link that you can book a 15 minute consultation call with me. Yeah, it'd be great to hear from you all. Awesome. That's so good. I appreciate you being on and sharing your story and sharing about emmamma: Awesome. That's so good. I appreciate you being on and sharing your story and sharing about how people can work through this in different ways. So thanks for being here. Anu: how people can work through this in different ways. Thank you. So thanks for being here. Thank you so much. Pleasure to be on. emmamma: awesome