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Now The Pain Starts... · Billy & Lisa in the Morning: The After Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Yes her after show Army. Hi everybody, It's Thursday, April sixteenth,
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  Speaker 1: the Billy and Lisa Show, wrapping up on this cloudy, rainy,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: miserable day. God, talk about miserable. Follow my Instagram at
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  Speaker 1: just to Beezy had a little incident yesterday. My tire blew.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah crazy, The video is actually insane. I took it
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  Speaker 1: to send to Jenna. Shout out to Jenna, my stretch girl.
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  Speaker 1: I did the plates class with her in zeb on Tuesday,
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  Speaker 1: and then she was nice enough to offer me a
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  Speaker 1: stretch session yesterday. So I was on my way there
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  Speaker 1: to wind them and I heard a pop and I
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  Speaker 1: know what it was. I got onto ninety three North
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  Speaker 1: and then all the censors started going off of my car.
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  Speaker 1: It was a whole thing. I pulled off the road,
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  Speaker 1: got out and took the video of a giant bolt
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  Speaker 1: in my tire. So I did not make it to Jenna,
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  Speaker 1: but you gotta love her right, talk about diabolical. I
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  Speaker 1: posted this as well. I texted her that video of
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  Speaker 1: my tire exploding on the side of the road, and
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  Speaker 1: I go, I don't think I'm gonna make it, Jenna.
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  Speaker 1: We're gonna have to reschedule and she wrote back, You'll
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  Speaker 1: do anything not to stretch God unbelievable. But yeah, that
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  Speaker 1: turned into a whole nightmare. I had to get the
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  Speaker 1: tow truck. Shout out to Triple A towed to the
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  Speaker 1: tire place. They did not have a tire for my car,
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  Speaker 1: so they have to order it. So I have no
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  Speaker 1: car for two days. Luxury problem, as they like to say,
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  Speaker 1: as I like to say. So, I'm driving my wife's car,
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  Speaker 1: the mom Mobile down today and tomorrow life happens. What
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  Speaker 1: are you gonna do you either. It's like my old
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  Speaker 1: friend Randy always says, if you step in dog shit,
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  Speaker 1: you can be mad you stepped in dog shit or
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  Speaker 1: be grateful you had shoes on, unless you're Billy Costa
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  Speaker 1: and it happens in the middle of the night and
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  Speaker 1: you are barefoot, because that sucks too. Anyway, got a
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  Speaker 1: Countdown Tour coming in the match game. From last year,
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  Speaker 1: one of the prizes was a Countdown Tour, so we
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  Speaker 1: are fulfilling that today. So that's cool. I think her
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  Speaker 1: name is Tracy from Salem, New Hampshire. She is I
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  Speaker 1: don't know her, but she's coming in I think with
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  Speaker 1: her sons. She won the prize. She'll she'll come in,
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  Speaker 1: she'll get the tour. She'll sit in on the Countdown
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  Speaker 1: for an hour with Billy and I, so we'll record
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  Speaker 1: that with her. She'll get to talk up some songs
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  Speaker 1: with her kids. It's a pretty cool experience. The Countdown
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  Speaker 1: tours are really cool because well typically we give them
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  Speaker 1: away on things like the match game or for charity
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: is a big one. We'll auction them off Billy will
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  Speaker 1: at his galas and they go for big money, I
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  Speaker 1: mean five ten thousand dollars sometimes more so it's all
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  Speaker 1: for a good cause. You know. We like having people
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  Speaker 1: in and goof around, have fun and they can hear
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  Speaker 1: themselves on the radio this weekend. So that's cool. And
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: real quick from the show today, So we were talking
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  Speaker 1: about this Alex Cooper Alex Earl beef, so that was
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  Speaker 1: kind of our topic time at seven forty and you know,
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  Speaker 1: we got into the discussion of online beefs, you know,
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  Speaker 1: fighting with people. And I had this voicemail in the
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  Speaker 1: on my computer system that I was never gonna share
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  Speaker 1: because it's really bad. I mean it was an online
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  Speaker 1: feud I had really escalated with this person many years ago,
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  Speaker 1: and I called him left him a vicious voicemail, and
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  Speaker 1: he saved it and actually sent it around to some
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  Speaker 1: of the people that I know, and they sent it
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  Speaker 1: to me, so I had it. It was actually sent
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  Speaker 1: to me recently, like within the last couple of years,
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  Speaker 1: and I listened to it and I am just so
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  Speaker 1: horrified at the person that I was, how I was talking.
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  Speaker 1: And I only played like a short clip of it,
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  Speaker 1: but it's over two minutes long. I'll never let anybody
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  Speaker 1: hear the full version because it's that bad. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: you think Dave Portnoy swears a lot. It's it's bad.
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  Speaker 1: But I did play this little teaser.
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  Speaker 2: I know what you live South, Okay, I know everything
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  Speaker 2: about you think I'm not playing because I'm not. It's
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  Speaker 2: on now I'm involved.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know who I thought I was. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: clearly I thought I was somebody. I mean, I thought
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  Speaker 1: that I was a gangster when I wasn't. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: the truth of the matter is I was just a
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  Speaker 1: drug addict.
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  Speaker 2: Man.
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  Speaker 1: I was a street kid with a really really bad
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  Speaker 1: drug problem who whose identity was that I had been
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  Speaker 1: to jail and had been to many detoxes, and had
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  Speaker 1: been in programs and it was all about all the
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  Speaker 1: drugs that I did and the people that I robbed
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  Speaker 1: and stole, And in reality, you know, my poor family
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  Speaker 1: suffered through it all. You know, they're the ones that suffered.
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  Speaker 1: You know. I've shared the story on this podcast, not
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  Speaker 1: going to share it again about being locked up and
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  Speaker 1: my dad coming to visit with my brother. You know,
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  Speaker 1: things like that that I always pushed aside, you know,
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  Speaker 1: But that's that's the painful part, you know, like that's
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  Speaker 1: where the pain starts. You know that with my family
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  Speaker 1: and the people that I hurt the most, because with
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  Speaker 1: that active addiction, you hurt the people with the same
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  Speaker 1: last name as you the most. That's how it goes.
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  Speaker 1: I would steal from my family, from my father, from
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  Speaker 1: my mother, from my grandmother, my grandfather before I went
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  Speaker 1: and stole from you, if that makes sense. So when
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  Speaker 1: I had stolen everything and it had exhausted all the
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  Speaker 1: things that I could from my family and my family
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  Speaker 1: home and even any any other family, and there was
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  Speaker 1: nothing left to steal, then I would go and steal
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  Speaker 1: from others. You know. That's the truth of active addiction.
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  Speaker 1: And clearly I was still in that mindset when I
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  Speaker 1: left that voicemail. I do not believe that I was clean.
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  Speaker 1: I don't sound do I sound clean?
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  Speaker 2: Here?
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  Speaker 1: Let me say, I know.
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  Speaker 2: What you live now, Okay, I know everything about you.
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  Speaker 2: You think i'll play that, I'm not. It's on now.
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  Speaker 2: I'm involved.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I can hear the drugs in my voice,
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  Speaker 1: and that's how I used to talk, you know. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: I I wouldn't say I was a fake tough guy
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  Speaker 1: because I feel like a fake tough guy would not
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  Speaker 1: fight or defend themselves or do what they had to do.
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  Speaker 1: I was willing to do that stuff. But you know,
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  Speaker 1: I wasn't this killer. You know, had done many years
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  Speaker 1: in prison. I mean, that's just not the truth. You know,
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  Speaker 1: my my, The total amount of time that I spent
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  Speaker 1: was probably a few it was a few years. I'm
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  Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I got a two and a
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  Speaker 1: half year sentence, a couple of six month sentences, a
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  Speaker 1: lot of being held on probation violations. So if you
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  Speaker 1: add it all up, it's probably around three to four
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  Speaker 1: years total. But you know, I wasn't this like crazy,
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  Speaker 1: crazy killer. And you know, when I got clean, it
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  Speaker 1: took me a little while, but I moved away from
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  Speaker 1: that mindset, and I moved on to more positive thinking.
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  Speaker 1: And I remember when exactly when it happened. See, because
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  Speaker 1: in recovery, right, I spent a lot of time with
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  Speaker 1: other people that were getting clean. So we'd spend time
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  Speaker 1: around each other, and we would always tell war stories.
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  Speaker 1: See that's the thing, right, You always you know the
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  Speaker 1: same people. You're connected in a way, whether it's someone
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  Speaker 1: that you got high with or somebody that you met
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  Speaker 1: on the street, or somebody in a program or jail
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  Speaker 1: or detox. You know, you know everybody, or you know
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  Speaker 1: this person that knows this person. So you talk about that,
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  Speaker 1: and then you have your war stories, and you always
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: try to one up each other, right, you tell a
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  Speaker 1: crazy story and then that leads to another story and
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  Speaker 1: you kind of reminisce on that. And it got to
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  Speaker 1: a point where I had been in recovery long enough
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  Speaker 1: and did work on myself and really started to look
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  Speaker 1: within that it just didn't feel good to be in
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  Speaker 1: those conversations. So I remember like the moment, you know,
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  Speaker 1: I was standing with a bunch of people and it
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  Speaker 1: started with the stories, and instead of jumping in with
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  Speaker 1: my own, I just felt awkward and weird because I
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  Speaker 1: didn't want to relive those moments because you know, when
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  Speaker 1: I think back to active addiction, now I think about
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  Speaker 1: the pain that I caused to myself and to others.
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  Speaker 1: I don't so much think about the war stories. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: I'll still reminisce with like friends like my buddy Allan,
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  Speaker 1: who comes over and Sawn as he's in recovery too,
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  Speaker 1: and we sit there and we talk about everything. We
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  Speaker 1: talk about recovery and we'll talk about crazy stories. But
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  Speaker 1: it's different, you know, We're in different parts of our
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  Speaker 1: life and recovery. So it started to not feel good.
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  Speaker 1: So I kind of trained myself, you know, to to
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  Speaker 1: focus on the bad because those who are doomed to
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  Speaker 1: those who forget are doomed to repeat. That's kind of
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  Speaker 1: a mantra that we're taught. So, yeah, that voicemail was crazy.
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  Speaker 1: I did play that short clip. There was no swearing
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  Speaker 1: in that clip, and you can hear the edit that
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  Speaker 1: I made if you listen to it closely, and you know,
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  Speaker 1: that's who I was, Man's that's that's a part of
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  Speaker 1: my life. So one day, when I write my book,
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  Speaker 1: maybe I'll tell the story on how that happened, or
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  Speaker 1: maybe not who knows. I am a big reader now,
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  Speaker 1: so I'm really into the book thing. But I don't
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  Speaker 1: know if I could write a book. I mean, there's
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  Speaker 1: a lot of interesting stuff in my story. I know that,
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  Speaker 1: you know, the chances of me making it here are
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  Speaker 1: so so crazy and so slim, and you know, all
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  Speaker 1: the wild shit that happened near death and drug use
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  Speaker 1: and friends that I've lost. There's definitely stuff to write about.
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  Speaker 1: It's just about kind of it's the motivation to read
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  Speaker 1: to write it, but it's also the fear of reliving it,
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  Speaker 1: if that makes sense, you know, pulling up all those
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  Speaker 1: old memories and talking about all these people that I
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  Speaker 1: have not thought about in a long time, like the
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  Speaker 1: person that I was talking to in that voicemail. You know.
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  Speaker 1: So all right, the tours coming in. I think they
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: are here. I gotta go get them. So another short
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: podcast they do Apologize. Been kind of a weird week,
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  Speaker 1: lots going on, But Tomorrow's Friday. I know that feels
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  Speaker 1: good and I'll do a quick check in tomorrow for
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  Speaker 1: the Army and uh, I don't know. The donut competition
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  Speaker 1: is tomorrow for the Donut Holes at nine to ten.
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  Speaker 1: That should be fun. But anyway talks to them by