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What is Coercive Behaviour in Relationships? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

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  SPEAKER_00: Coercive behaviour in relationships is something that often goes unrecognised, and that's partly because it doesn't always look the way people expect it to.
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  SPEAKER_00: There's no single incident, no obvious moment you can point to, but instead it's a pattern of controlling and manipulative behaviours that build up over time.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it can happen in any relationship, regardless of your gender, age or background, as the person on the receiving end often finds themselves second guessing their own feelings, wondering if things are really that bad, or even blaming themselves.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that confusion is a common response and it makes complete sense given what's happening.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now coercive behaviour is about one person using tactics to gain and maintain power and control over another, and this can show up in lots of different ways.
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  SPEAKER_00: So it might look like being cut off from friends and family, either gradually or quite suddenly, so that outside support becomes harder to access.
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  SPEAKER_00: It might involve someone monitoring where a person goes, who they speak to, or what they spend, as financial control is another common form where access to money is restricted or managed by the other person as a way of limiting independence.
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  SPEAKER_00: It can also involve putting you down, name calling, and severe criticism that chips away at a person's self-worth over time.
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  SPEAKER_00: Some people experience what's often called gaslighting, where their version of events is repeatedly dismissed or distorted until they start to doubt their own reality.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now, if any of this is resonating, the first step is simply naming it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Recognizing that what's happening has a name and that it's a pattern with real impact can be a significant moment.
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  SPEAKER_00: Talking to someone trusted, whether that's a friend, family member, or a professional, can help bring some clarity when things feel confusing or overwhelming.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it can also be worth keeping a private record of incidents if it's safe to do so, including dates, what was said or done, and how it made things feel.
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  SPEAKER_00: This isn't about building a case but rather about holding onto your own version of events when that's being challenged.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now, if coercive behaviour is happening in relationships, speaking to a therapist is a good place to start as they can help think through what's going on and what options look like.
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  SPEAKER_00: But there are also specially services that can focus specifically on the coercive control run by people who understand how complex and lay these situations can be.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the app has got further resources to support you regarding difficult relationship dynamics, and if you are thinking about harming yourself or feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency number or a crisis helpline.