Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 431. 6 questions to ask yourself to know if you are on the right path.

Transcript

431. 6 questions to ask yourself to know if you are on the right path. · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:12
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode of Today.
0:18
Speaker 1: Just a fun little heads up, Well it's not even
0:21
Speaker 1: a heads up, but I just noticed this that every
0:23
Speaker 1: time so Haber sleeps in his big orange bed right
0:26
Speaker 1: next to where I'm recording, like I'm looking at him
0:28
Speaker 1: right now, and before I record the episode, I have
0:31
Speaker 1: to do a big clap to sink the mic and
0:33
Speaker 1: the camera and all of that. And every time I clap,
0:36
Speaker 1: I startle poor Humpy and he just gets a little fright.
0:39
Speaker 1: So I'm sorry about that, my beautiful son. Anyway, how
0:42
Speaker 1: is everyone? I'm hoping fabulous? This episode will hopefully give
0:48
Speaker 1: you a lot of answers that you didn't even know
0:50
Speaker 1: you wanted or needed about being on track and heading
0:55
Speaker 1: in the direction that you want to be going, and
0:56
Speaker 1: also giving you more awareness around kind of deep questions
1:01
Speaker 1: that sometimes we never even ask ourselves. And the reason
1:04
Speaker 1: I decided to come up with this episode is because
1:06
Speaker 1: one of these questions I asked Tyrone just on a whim.
1:08
Speaker 1: I'm one of those like I think all I think
1:11
Speaker 1: all girlfriends are like this, and we just bombard our
1:14
Speaker 1: partners with these existential questions all the time. I mean,
1:18
Speaker 1: I do this to Taran all the time. I'm like,
1:20
Speaker 1: but what would you do if? And then I followed
1:22
Speaker 1: with the most outrageous scenario. And then I mentioned to
1:26
Speaker 1: Shanaia that I was having this conversation. She was like,
1:29
Speaker 1: what the fuck because she had had almost the exact
1:32
Speaker 1: same conversation with her boyfriend just the other day as well.
1:35
Speaker 1: So I was like, let's just put this among other
1:39
Speaker 1: interesting questions that you can ask yourself. That really gets
1:42
Speaker 1: you thinking, and it really gets you kind of digging
1:47
Speaker 1: deeper into how your mind works and what your belief
1:50
Speaker 1: systems are around your own life and what you're capable
1:53
Speaker 1: of having and why that is, and what you should
1:55
Speaker 1: be focusing on to expand and what you should be
1:57
Speaker 1: letting go off. It's got to be. It's a whole
1:59
Speaker 1: fuck thing. Okay, life updates. Honestly, everything's going well. I'm
2:07
Speaker 1: currently as I'm recording this, I think I'm recording this
2:09
Speaker 1: like a week or two earlier, but I'm twenty eight
2:11
Speaker 1: weeks with the pregnancy with the twins. One of the
2:16
Speaker 1: twins has like decided to take up residency in my
2:19
Speaker 1: rib cage, so there's limited space for my lungs and
2:25
Speaker 1: it's so weird. I don't know how to explain it,
2:27
Speaker 1: because most mornings I'll do like a little workout at home.
2:29
Speaker 1: I've got my weights, I've got my mat I do
2:31
Speaker 1: a very stripped down version of like a weighted Pilarate's
2:35
Speaker 1: workout with what I can do, and I do dead
2:38
Speaker 1: lifts and single legged Bulgarian split squats and shit like
2:42
Speaker 1: that I do or whatever I can do, lounges, squats,
2:44
Speaker 1: whatever with weights like ten twenty kilo weights. And then
2:49
Speaker 1: I can't roll over in bed. I can't walk on
2:51
Speaker 1: a flat surface, Like, riddle me that. How can I
2:54
Speaker 1: do like a forty minute weight workout? Be it fucking slow?
2:58
Speaker 1: But then I'm walking on a flat surface, and I'm like,
3:00
Speaker 1: oh my god, Mark, like what is it? I think
3:03
Speaker 1: I think it could possibly come down to the fact
3:06
Speaker 1: that when I'm walking, I'm distracted and I'm like talking
3:09
Speaker 1: and I'm doing other things, whereas maybe when i'm working out,
3:12
Speaker 1: I'm really focused on the workout, so my focus is
3:15
Speaker 1: so intensely on breathing and getting enough oxygen. I don't
3:18
Speaker 1: know what it is, but it's a phenomenon and I'm interested.
3:22
Speaker 1: I'm intrigued. Anyway, All is well, Apart from that, now
3:25
Speaker 1: we're going to go into the six questions that you're
3:29
Speaker 1: going to ask yourself. We're going to delve into them,
3:32
Speaker 1: and this just as a little heads up before we
3:36
Speaker 1: get into it. I talk about kind of purpose a lot.
3:41
Speaker 1: This is not about purpose. This episode is not about
3:43
Speaker 1: finding your purpose. I'm all for finding your purpose, and
3:46
Speaker 1: I'm also, you know, all for making sure that you
3:49
Speaker 1: don't think purpose is this like lofty ambition where you
3:51
Speaker 1: have to save all the children in the world, But
3:55
Speaker 1: instead something that's going to make you feel more connected
3:58
Speaker 1: with the people around you and more connected with yourself
4:01
Speaker 1: in your own life. But this episode's not even about
4:04
Speaker 1: finding your purpose. I have several episodes on finding your purpose,
4:07
Speaker 1: and I'm sure I'm going to have many more in
4:08
Speaker 1: the future. This instead is kind of I just kind
4:14
Speaker 1: of want you to feel more connected with yourself and
4:18
Speaker 1: with your life and have a bit more clarity on
4:21
Speaker 1: where it is that you're headed. Or it's like, oh,
4:23
Speaker 1: you know what, I have kind of fallen off my track.
4:27
Speaker 1: These questions have made me realize that I was way
4:30
Speaker 1: more on track maybe a year ago, because I was
4:32
Speaker 1: aligning with these things way more and like now I've
4:34
Speaker 1: got that gentle reminder and I'm back on track. I'm
4:36
Speaker 1: feeling really good. That's kind of what I want this
4:38
Speaker 1: episode to be for you. It's not you being like
4:41
Speaker 1: what are you doing with your life? Kind of episode,
4:43
Speaker 1: although I do love those episodes. So I just want
4:47
Speaker 1: you solving a couple of question marks in your life,
4:49
Speaker 1: getting some answers, and I really want you to explore
4:53
Speaker 1: each question. This could be a really fun exercise you
4:56
Speaker 1: can do with your friends as well. You can write
4:57
Speaker 1: those down, let it sit with you, and then maybe
5:00
Speaker 1: get your friends over for a little Veno tinto and
5:03
Speaker 1: go through these questions in depth and ask yourself, why
5:06
Speaker 1: is this my answer? So let's do this Number one.
5:12
Speaker 1: If you knew that you had one year left on
5:16
Speaker 1: this planet, okay, one year left on this planet, what
5:20
Speaker 1: would you let go off to clear up space? And
5:25
Speaker 1: where would you dedicate most of your time instead? Okay,
5:29
Speaker 1: so it's you know, yeah, kind of bucket list, but
5:32
Speaker 1: instead of that, it's more where does my time really
5:36
Speaker 1: need to be allocated to? Because I've got a whole year,
5:39
Speaker 1: so i can't blow all my money tomorrow by going
5:41
Speaker 1: on a trip and then I've got fuck all and
5:43
Speaker 1: then I've got to live out the rest of the year,
5:44
Speaker 1: you know, struggling. It's a whole year. But what do
5:48
Speaker 1: I not really care about anymore? This is a lesson
5:51
Speaker 1: in priorities. This is a really good lesson in priorities,
5:55
Speaker 1: and it allows can't It clears a lot of the
5:58
Speaker 1: fog that's in your Okay, This, you know, the reality
6:05
Speaker 1: of things being impermanent or things being finite, or death
6:10
Speaker 1: gives you the perspective that you need. And I talk
6:13
Speaker 1: about the deathbed a lot, but this is different in
6:16
Speaker 1: the sense like the deathbed test is more so when
6:18
Speaker 1: I'm on my deathbed, how would I feel about this?
6:20
Speaker 1: Which is a very important question, ask yourself that all
6:22
Speaker 1: the time. But this is more so, it's more present
6:25
Speaker 1: in the now because I can guarantee you that there's
6:28
Speaker 1: many a f you right now who's sitting here listening
6:30
Speaker 1: to this episode wanting to feel in control of your life,
6:33
Speaker 1: but probably feeling bitter about an ex, feeling bitter about
6:36
Speaker 1: someone that's you know, done you dirty and they've moved
6:40
Speaker 1: on and never apologize, and you're ruminating, feeling like you
6:45
Speaker 1: never got an apology, or feeling like you're owed something
6:48
Speaker 1: and while all those feelings might be valid in the
6:51
Speaker 1: sense that you were in the right and someone was
6:52
Speaker 1: in the wrong, this question will hopefully teach you how
6:56
Speaker 1: to start letting go about certain things that are not
7:00
Speaker 1: longer relevant in your life. We give way too much airtime,
7:03
Speaker 1: way too much airtime to people that are no longer
7:07
Speaker 1: relevant in our lives. Okay, yes you might have been
7:11
Speaker 1: the victim, Yes you might have been hard done by.
7:14
Speaker 1: Yes it might have been unfair, But is it worth
7:18
Speaker 1: more of your time? The amount of time that we spend.
7:24
Speaker 1: And you see it all the time. You see it
7:25
Speaker 1: across social media, you see it in your friends, you
7:27
Speaker 1: see it in yourself, in your family, And when you
7:30
Speaker 1: realize that, you're like, not only did I have to
7:33
Speaker 1: waste the time that I did engaging with that person,
7:35
Speaker 1: but now I'm wasting all this time harboring all these
7:38
Speaker 1: angry feelings and daydreaming about this person's demise when I
7:41
Speaker 1: could actually be doing something that's actually beneficial for myself.
7:43
Speaker 1: So what would I let go? If I have one
7:46
Speaker 1: year left and time was so fucking limited? Would I
7:50
Speaker 1: still be fretting over that? Or would I be like,
7:53
Speaker 1: you know what, all the best kunt all the fucking best.
7:57
Speaker 1: I'm out. I'm like peace, peace and blessings. Okay. So
8:05
Speaker 1: another thing is how much time would you spend wasting time?
8:10
Speaker 1: You know, when you look at what you do with
8:12
Speaker 1: your day, and I don't consider rest a waste of time,
8:16
Speaker 1: mind you, but how much of my day is intentional
8:19
Speaker 1: versus how much of it gets eaten up in stupid shit? Okay?
8:24
Speaker 1: Because if I come home and I say, I cannot
8:26
Speaker 1: wait to sit on the couch and close my eyes
8:29
Speaker 1: and put on like my favorite podcast and just relax,
8:32
Speaker 1: that's not a waste of time. That's intentional. But how
8:35
Speaker 1: much of your day is wasted on stupid shit? How
8:39
Speaker 1: can I make my days intentional even if it's a
8:42
Speaker 1: pajama day where I'm in day all, when I'm in
8:45
Speaker 1: bed all day, like watching movies all day because I
8:48
Speaker 1: just want to rest today. But it's intentional and I'm
8:50
Speaker 1: here for it and I'm loving it. How much of
8:52
Speaker 1: my time can I make intentional? Right? How much time
8:56
Speaker 1: would you allocate to working, you know, on you know
9:01
Speaker 1: what a sorry? How much time would you spend worrying
9:04
Speaker 1: about that friendship group that you don't really fit into?
9:08
Speaker 1: You know, like so many of us are in denial,
9:11
Speaker 1: and we hold onto things for old time's sake or
9:13
Speaker 1: because we think that we're not going to get anything
9:14
Speaker 1: else better. And then we're holding onto these relationships that
9:17
Speaker 1: make us feel less than or make us feel, you know,
9:21
Speaker 1: really self conscious. A friendship group that we think, oh
9:24
Speaker 1: my god, it's the be all, end all, without thinking, Wait,
9:26
Speaker 1: if I was to zoom out in life, I'm going
9:28
Speaker 1: to realize that there's way more relationships. These people would
9:31
Speaker 1: be irrelevant if I didn't keep embedding myself in their lives.
9:35
Speaker 1: Like so many times, you'll be forcing yourself to fit
9:39
Speaker 1: into a fucking group of people and feeling shit every
9:42
Speaker 1: time you hang out with them. Instead of thinking, I
9:44
Speaker 1: could just tap out and then in doing so, I
9:47
Speaker 1: open up space and I could allow myself to meet
9:49
Speaker 1: other friends and yeah they might be talking shit behind
9:51
Speaker 1: my back, but I'm not there to hear it, so
9:53
Speaker 1: it really doesn't matter. And who are they talking shit too?
9:57
Speaker 1: People that don't really know me that well anyway. Like
9:59
Speaker 1: at the end the day, if someone's going to be
10:01
Speaker 1: talking about you, you know, to someone that knows you,
10:05
Speaker 1: then it doesn't matter because they know you. And if
10:07
Speaker 1: they don't know you, well, then they don't know you,
10:08
Speaker 1: do they? So who cares? Like that kind of shit?
10:10
Speaker 1: How much are you investing in relationships that don't really
10:13
Speaker 1: have real longevity or that aren't worth it? How much
10:16
Speaker 1: time are you investing in connections that feel good? How
10:18
Speaker 1: much time are you going to invest on the adventures
10:20
Speaker 1: and hobbies that you could be doing endlessly where you know?
10:24
Speaker 1: Would you spend more time outdoors? Would you write more?
10:28
Speaker 1: Would you try more things without focusing on the end result,
10:32
Speaker 1: just for the sake of trying it? I think so
10:34
Speaker 1: many of us are like, oh my god, but like
10:36
Speaker 1: I better be good. You know, if you knew that
10:38
Speaker 1: you only had one year left, wouldn't you just want
10:39
Speaker 1: to try a whole bunch of random things, Like I
10:41
Speaker 1: really want to try surfing one day. I really want
10:43
Speaker 1: to try like snowboarding or doing a high trees ropes
10:47
Speaker 1: of course, whatever. Okay, you know what would you change
10:51
Speaker 1: about your character? Would you become more spontaneous? Would you
10:57
Speaker 1: want to be this infectious personality that by the time
10:59
Speaker 1: you left this earth in a year's time, people would
11:02
Speaker 1: be like, Wow, that's the kind of person that I'd
11:05
Speaker 1: like to be. Like, you know, that's the kind of
11:06
Speaker 1: person that had an infectious energy. They really you know,
11:09
Speaker 1: they lifted up the room when they'd walk in. They
11:11
Speaker 1: made people feel better about themselves, you know, from before
11:16
Speaker 1: they interacted with this person versus after they walked away
11:18
Speaker 1: feeling better about themselves. You know. Yeah, would you be
11:23
Speaker 1: more forgiving? Would you be more able to let go
11:27
Speaker 1: and let other people go and not expect so much
11:30
Speaker 1: from other people and be like you fucking just need
11:33
Speaker 1: to do you all right? So that's question one. If
11:35
Speaker 1: you knew for sure you had one year left on
11:37
Speaker 1: this planet, what would you let go off to clear
11:40
Speaker 1: up space? And where would you dedicate most of your
11:42
Speaker 1: time instead? Number two, This is the question that I
11:47
Speaker 1: asked Tyrone, and then I also asked I flipped it
11:50
Speaker 1: and I asked myself this, and I will give you
11:53
Speaker 1: my answer after. But if you had to swap lives
11:57
Speaker 1: with somebody, anyone, whether you know them personally, or whether
12:00
Speaker 1: it's just someone that you like, be a celebrity, whatever,
12:03
Speaker 1: someone who you don't know personally, If you had to
12:05
Speaker 1: swap lives with someone, who would it be with? And why? Why?
12:10
Speaker 1: Think about it hard? So I really really tried to
12:13
Speaker 1: do this exercise and I realized that I could not
12:17
Speaker 1: think of someone that I would swap lives with. Okay,
12:22
Speaker 1: I really thought long and hard about it, and I
12:24
Speaker 1: couldn't come up with an answer because there's many people
12:26
Speaker 1: in my life that I'm very inspired by that I'm
12:30
Speaker 1: very like, fuck, I love what they've achieved, or I
12:33
Speaker 1: wish I could achieve what this person's achieved, or I
12:36
Speaker 1: wish that, you know, I could have that kind of success,
12:39
Speaker 1: or that's inspiring, or I want that, or that's on
12:41
Speaker 1: my vision board. But when you put the whole picture together,
12:45
Speaker 1: as far as career, relationships, family, friends, lifestyle, pets, everything,
12:53
Speaker 1: I actually couldn't find one person on this earth that
12:56
Speaker 1: I would swap my life with because I think overall,
13:00
Speaker 1: I really like my life and if I was to
13:03
Speaker 1: swap my life because if this person's epic career, I'd
13:06
Speaker 1: be giving up my family and my friends. And then
13:09
Speaker 1: if I was to, like, you know what I mean,
13:11
Speaker 1: It's that kind of thing, which is a great answer
13:14
Speaker 1: because if this is your answer, it kind of forces
13:19
Speaker 1: you to look at what is really important in your
13:24
Speaker 1: life versus what is not as important. Another thing is
13:27
Speaker 1: that's let's turn it around and say regardless if you
13:32
Speaker 1: can't think of someone, if you had to think of someone,
13:35
Speaker 1: gone to your head, you have to come up with someone.
13:38
Speaker 1: What would the answer be? And this really forces you
13:41
Speaker 1: to look at how someone else's time is spent. If
13:44
Speaker 1: you had to no matter what. Okay, now that's really romantic,
13:47
Speaker 1: alexis you love your life? Ha ha ha whatever, No,
13:49
Speaker 1: but you have to fucking pick somebody. Why? And then
13:52
Speaker 1: you'd think, okay, well, who has the attributes of the
13:55
Speaker 1: perfect life? What do I love about my life that
13:58
Speaker 1: I would need to now find in someone that I
14:00
Speaker 1: now have to swap lives with and what? So then
14:02
Speaker 1: you start thinking, okay, like real good connections, because obviously
14:06
Speaker 1: that's the reason why I wouldn't want to swap my lives.
14:07
Speaker 1: Ultimately comes down to the people in it, so really
14:10
Speaker 1: good connections. You know, they have a lot of adventure
14:13
Speaker 1: in their life. They seem really comfortable in their own skin.
14:16
Speaker 1: Then you start to rattle off all the things that
14:20
Speaker 1: you value the most, and then you start to realize
14:23
Speaker 1: a lot of the things that I've rattled off, not
14:26
Speaker 1: all of the things, but a lot of the things
14:28
Speaker 1: are things that I could either increase with my current reality,
14:33
Speaker 1: improve on or I could obtain in my life with
14:38
Speaker 1: the resources that I have. There are certain things that
14:41
Speaker 1: you might look at, like this person is an international
14:43
Speaker 1: fucking star making billions of Okay, that might not be
14:48
Speaker 1: accessible for you, But lifestyle wise, what is it that
14:52
Speaker 1: makes their life good? Because you could say, yeah, they're rich,
14:54
Speaker 1: they have money, Yeah, but what does that money afford
14:57
Speaker 1: them that makes their life so good? Because I also
14:59
Speaker 1: know many rich people that I'm like, I would fucking
15:01
Speaker 1: hate that life. I would hate that life. So money
15:03
Speaker 1: is not the answer. What are they doing in their
15:07
Speaker 1: time with their time that makes their life so attractive?
15:12
Speaker 1: And that gives you a really good insight into being like, well,
15:15
Speaker 1: how much of that could I actually already be giving
15:17
Speaker 1: myself and why am I not already doing that? Or
15:20
Speaker 1: what's stopping me from doing that? Okay? It gives you
15:24
Speaker 1: a really good inside And if you cannot find someone
15:28
Speaker 1: that you would swap lars with, why what is missing?
15:32
Speaker 1: And the other billions of alternative lives that exist in
15:35
Speaker 1: this world that you cannot find anywhere else, but that
15:40
Speaker 1: exists in you. And that's what you've got to be
15:42
Speaker 1: most grateful for. And that's what you've got to expand
15:44
Speaker 1: on a whole lot more. That's where your time needs
15:46
Speaker 1: to be spent. If you're like, no one can beat
15:49
Speaker 1: the people around me. No, Well, then how grateful are
15:51
Speaker 1: you for the people around you? How much time do
15:52
Speaker 1: you invest in those relationships? What are you doing about that?
15:55
Speaker 1: How connected do you feel right now? Has this given
15:58
Speaker 1: you kind of the fire in your belly to make
16:00
Speaker 1: you be like? You know what, I am the luckiest
16:02
Speaker 1: fucking person on this earth because of X Y Z Right.
16:06
Speaker 1: This is a really insightful exercise to do. Whether you
16:08
Speaker 1: come up with an answer, whether you cannot, it's gotta
16:12
Speaker 1: be great. Sense Sense number three, what is holding me
16:24
Speaker 1: back from living the exact life I want? So to
16:29
Speaker 1: go deeper? If you had the power to remove things
16:33
Speaker 1: that you believe are holding you back, would you be
16:37
Speaker 1: removing external things that feel like a cock blog? Or
16:42
Speaker 1: internal things like behaviors and thoughts that exist within you
16:46
Speaker 1: like procrastination, deep seated beliefs about yourself, behavioral traits that
16:54
Speaker 1: you have that you believe in yourself, like I'm not intelligent,
16:57
Speaker 1: I am I can't focus, I am lazy? Whatever are
17:04
Speaker 1: these narratives that you tell yourself? Okay, Like, what are
17:08
Speaker 1: these blocks. What are these, you know, limitations? How many
17:12
Speaker 1: of them exist within you? And how many of them
17:16
Speaker 1: are external? Like, well, I'm stuck in a job that
17:19
Speaker 1: actually has no ceiling, Like I cannot make more money
17:23
Speaker 1: if I choose to stay in this career no matter
17:26
Speaker 1: how much I change myself. This career has a ceiling.
17:29
Speaker 1: So that's an external thing, right, internal? Like I said,
17:32
Speaker 1: it's all these beliefs around yourself, about deep beliefs around
17:36
Speaker 1: your character that you think are unchangeable, whatever it is.
17:40
Speaker 1: So really get clear on what is holding me back
17:45
Speaker 1: from living the exact life that I want. And I
17:49
Speaker 1: think for a lot of people, ultimately the exact life
17:53
Speaker 1: they want comes down to feeling a deep sense of
17:55
Speaker 1: comfort within themselves, a deep sense of satisfaction with who
17:58
Speaker 1: they are, real connections, feeling loved, feeling like part of
18:05
Speaker 1: a community. A lot of these things are things that
18:07
Speaker 1: actually can be worked on, and they're not ultimately, They're
18:10
Speaker 1: not like a permanent block in your life forever. I
18:13
Speaker 1: think it's really important to be uncovering this and letting
18:15
Speaker 1: yourself know this does not need to be permanent. This
18:18
Speaker 1: does not need to be a static thing in my life.
18:22
Speaker 1: This can be changed, especially internal things, especially thoughts and
18:25
Speaker 1: behaviors and beliefs about myself. Number four, where do I
18:32
Speaker 1: lose track of time in a good way? Okay? So
18:36
Speaker 1: based on active engagement? When I'm actively engaging in something,
18:42
Speaker 1: where does time stop for me? Okay? So a positive
18:48
Speaker 1: loss of this ability to track time. So what I
18:53
Speaker 1: mean by that is I'm not talking about obviously scrolling
18:56
Speaker 1: on your phone or watching things where it's just this
18:57
Speaker 1: passive consumption of stuff. I'm talking about, like I think
19:01
Speaker 1: I've spoken to you guys about when I was going
19:02
Speaker 1: through like the depths of my heartbreak back in my
19:05
Speaker 1: formative year of twenty fifteen, and I would be in
19:09
Speaker 1: a state, like in a psychological state, and I would
19:14
Speaker 1: get home from work ready to burst out crying. But
19:16
Speaker 1: on my way home from work, I'd stop at the
19:17
Speaker 1: fabric store and I'd just like buy some fabric. Get home.
19:20
Speaker 1: I would throw my bag down to the side of
19:23
Speaker 1: the room and I'd sit at my sewing machine and
19:25
Speaker 1: I'd just start cutting fabric and sewing, and before I
19:27
Speaker 1: knew it, like four hours had gone by and I
19:29
Speaker 1: had all these missed calls on my phone because I
19:31
Speaker 1: didn't even take it out of my bag of people
19:32
Speaker 1: being like are you okay, Like we can't get a
19:35
Speaker 1: hold of you. That was positive track of positive loss
19:39
Speaker 1: of track of time because I was so it was
19:42
Speaker 1: like a meditative state. I was so into this activity
19:45
Speaker 1: that it pulled me out of my heartbreak. It pulled
19:47
Speaker 1: me out of my despair. I could have done it
19:49
Speaker 1: for hours and hours and hours. I didn't even think
19:52
Speaker 1: about my phone for four hours at a time. Sometimes
19:55
Speaker 1: it was amazing, Okay therapy, like full therapy. That was
20:00
Speaker 1: I need to get back into sewing, by the way,
20:02
Speaker 1: But that was one of the things. For other people,
20:04
Speaker 1: it's social like if you're out with you know, your
20:07
Speaker 1: favorite people, you could be doing it for hours and
20:10
Speaker 1: hours and hours and it just you just you know,
20:13
Speaker 1: never want to look at your phone. You don't need
20:14
Speaker 1: to look at the time. All of that goes out
20:17
Speaker 1: the window. It doesn't matter. It could be a creative task.
20:19
Speaker 1: It could be writing. A big one is researching a topic.
20:22
Speaker 1: You might find a topic one day that you're like,
20:24
Speaker 1: let's say you watch a documentary one day and you're like,
20:26
Speaker 1: that is fucking fascinating. Then you start googling articles, then
20:30
Speaker 1: you start reading, then you start researching, and before you
20:32
Speaker 1: know what, hours have gone by and you've become like
20:34
Speaker 1: a semi fucking expert on this random topic because you
20:38
Speaker 1: enjoy researching certain topics. You enjoy education and learning if
20:42
Speaker 1: it's like formatted in the way that works for you, reading, writing, puzzling,
20:49
Speaker 1: the fucking going on trail run, whatever it is. Where
20:54
Speaker 1: do you lose track of time with active engagement in
20:58
Speaker 1: a good way? Okay, now the next point number five?
21:04
Speaker 1: What is my ego holding onto that makes me stay
21:08
Speaker 1: in my old life but is ultimately hurting me? But
21:14
Speaker 1: I do it due to comfort. So basically you're clinging
21:17
Speaker 1: onto something to feel secure, safe, or comfort so you
21:24
Speaker 1: don't have to pull yourself into the uncomfortable new right,
21:29
Speaker 1: but it is part of your old life and you
21:31
Speaker 1: know that it's it is going to hurt you, so
21:34
Speaker 1: aspects of your old self, like a friendship group that
21:38
Speaker 1: you know, if you left it marks the end of
21:40
Speaker 1: an era. But staying in it it's like, you know,
21:44
Speaker 1: and you guys right in all the time, and I'm
21:45
Speaker 1: circling back to friendship. But this could also be a relationship,
21:48
Speaker 1: you could be a job. But it's this idea of
21:50
Speaker 1: you know, every time I hang out with these people,
21:52
Speaker 1: I just like I'm either I'm drained, I'm bored, or
21:55
Speaker 1: I feel like I'd take a hit at my self
21:57
Speaker 1: esteem if it's worst case scenario. I don't, you know, Like,
22:03
Speaker 1: I'm not excited, we're not forging new memories together, we're
22:06
Speaker 1: not whatever. But the thought of ending the friendship is
22:08
Speaker 1: really sad because you're holding onto this nostalgia of when
22:11
Speaker 1: it used to be really good. But then you're also
22:13
Speaker 1: using up all your social time hanging out with this
22:16
Speaker 1: group of people. Right. The same goes for your job,
22:20
Speaker 1: like it might have really served you at a time,
22:22
Speaker 1: but then you've fully outgrown it. But the thought of
22:24
Speaker 1: going out for a new job really scares you. But
22:26
Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, but if I stay here in five
22:28
Speaker 1: years time, I'm gonna be like I could have left
22:29
Speaker 1: five years ago. It's not about not being grateful, but
22:31
Speaker 1: I know I've plateaud and I just can't. But I'm
22:33
Speaker 1: holding onto this because it's safe and secure. And so
22:36
Speaker 1: what is it? It could be a belief system, it
22:38
Speaker 1: could be where you live, it could be whatever. Write
22:43
Speaker 1: a little list. What is your ego? And the reason
22:47
Speaker 1: I say ego is because it's more of a superficial
22:49
Speaker 1: reason that you're holding onto it. It's not a deep
22:52
Speaker 1: important reason, because sometimes we hold onto things, you know,
22:55
Speaker 1: for much deeper, more more like meaningful reasons. Okay. And
23:03
Speaker 1: another one before I move on to the next point
23:05
Speaker 1: is a job title or position that looks really good
23:08
Speaker 1: on paper and it's really good for first impressions, but
23:13
Speaker 1: you really struggle to kind of let go of that. Say,
23:16
Speaker 1: for example, you're a lawyer, okay, and you feel really
23:20
Speaker 1: nice telling people I'm a lawyer. That shows that I've
23:23
Speaker 1: gotten the qualification, that I've worked hard to become a lawyer.
23:26
Speaker 1: It's not an easy thing to do for the most part.
23:28
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm presuming I'm just or an engineer or whatever.
23:31
Speaker 1: It is like a title that's quite like, oh, yeah,
23:33
Speaker 1: you've really worked hard for that thing, okay, And then
23:37
Speaker 1: you're like, I fucking hate this job. I fucking hate
23:40
Speaker 1: this fucking job, and now I want to change and
23:43
Speaker 1: do something else. But your ego is holding on to
23:46
Speaker 1: the fact that every time you announce to someone I
23:48
Speaker 1: am a r and you enter the career that you've
23:51
Speaker 1: worked really hard for. That in a lot of people's
23:53
Speaker 1: mind equals a lot about your character, your intelligence, your
23:57
Speaker 1: your work ethic, whatever. I've got to let go of
24:00
Speaker 1: that title. So as much as I know, I'd be
24:04
Speaker 1: happier working in this other industry, but the title wouldn't
24:07
Speaker 1: impress anyone, but I'd be happier. I'm struggling to let
24:11
Speaker 1: go because my ego is holding onto the title of lawyer, engineer,
24:14
Speaker 1: whatever it is. That's a prime example of what is
24:18
Speaker 1: my ego holding onto that's keeping me in my past life. Okay.
24:21
Speaker 1: Another one is like a marriage. I think a lot
24:24
Speaker 1: of people are really stuck on the marriage word. I
24:29
Speaker 1: had this have this very good friend of mine and
24:31
Speaker 1: she is now she's now divorced, but she was having
24:34
Speaker 1: all these marital problems like this probably five years ago,
24:38
Speaker 1: and these are really big marital problems, really big problems.
24:42
Speaker 1: And she would kind of the kind of try and separate,
24:45
Speaker 1: then get back together, and then try and separate. And
24:47
Speaker 1: I asked her, I said, look, you've really worked hard
24:49
Speaker 1: for this relationship. You've been in this relationship for years
24:51
Speaker 1: and years and years. Okay, you've really done it all.
24:53
Speaker 1: You haven't You're not just giving up, like you're definitely
24:55
Speaker 1: a fighter, but you your heart's not in it. I
25:00
Speaker 1: asked her, if it wasn't for the signed document, the
25:04
Speaker 1: piece of paper that said you were married, would you
25:08
Speaker 1: still be holding onto this relationship? And she said, no, fuck, no,
25:11
Speaker 1: absolutely not. I'm holding onto it because it's like I'm
25:13
Speaker 1: married and now I've got to get a divorce and
25:15
Speaker 1: like that terrifies me and whatever. But if we were
25:17
Speaker 1: just dating for the same amount of time, living together
25:20
Speaker 1: for the same amount of the everything exactly the same.
25:22
Speaker 1: But without that piece of paper, I would have left
25:24
Speaker 1: a long time ago, and it would have been the
25:25
Speaker 1: best thing for both of us to end this a
25:28
Speaker 1: long time ago. We would both flourish in our own ways.
25:30
Speaker 1: But we're forcing it, forcing it for so there's another example. Okay,
25:34
Speaker 1: So last question is what person activity or event, as
25:41
Speaker 1: an event, like anything that can occur, brings out the
25:45
Speaker 1: best in me? Where do I shine as a human
25:49
Speaker 1: being the most like and what is happening at the
25:53
Speaker 1: time when I'm really shining as a human Okay? Where
25:56
Speaker 1: are where are you at your true most truest form
26:02
Speaker 1: and who are the people that are there during this time?
26:05
Speaker 1: And that's going to tell you a lot about where
26:09
Speaker 1: you need to be because if you're like Oh my god,
26:12
Speaker 1: I noticed that I come out of my shell and
26:15
Speaker 1: I throw and I'm a fucking comedian and I thrive
26:17
Speaker 1: around these people, or when I'm doing this particular work,
26:20
Speaker 1: that is when I shine. You've got to get really
26:22
Speaker 1: clear because you are responsible, yes, you are responsible for
26:28
Speaker 1: you know, most of the things that you experience by
26:31
Speaker 1: the version of yourself that you bring to that experience.
26:33
Speaker 1: But you've also got to look at what are the
26:35
Speaker 1: external factors that influence which version of myself I bring
26:38
Speaker 1: to this event that I bring to this interaction or
26:42
Speaker 1: this this you know, circumstance or this activity, Because then
26:47
Speaker 1: if you can identify what that is, what is the
26:50
Speaker 1: activity that I'm doing where my best self comes forward,
26:52
Speaker 1: my most confident self for who am I around, then
26:55
Speaker 1: you start to identify, well, why is that? Is it
26:58
Speaker 1: because they make me feel seen, because they make me
27:00
Speaker 1: feel comfortable? Is because they're not trying to challenge my
27:04
Speaker 1: sense of self, Like why is that? And how can
27:07
Speaker 1: I get more of that in my life? Because the
27:09
Speaker 1: more I feel like I am at my best, the
27:13
Speaker 1: more I'm able to lean into that, the more confident
27:16
Speaker 1: I feel, the more happy I feel within in my
27:18
Speaker 1: own skin, the better I am at interacting with other people,
27:21
Speaker 1: the more my other relationships shine. Everything starts to unfold
27:25
Speaker 1: in a really, really good way when I can kind
27:27
Speaker 1: of lean more into these things. So to summarize, these
27:31
Speaker 1: are the six questions just to wrap up. Number one,
27:34
Speaker 1: if you knew for sure you had one year left
27:35
Speaker 1: on the planet, what would you let go off to
27:38
Speaker 1: clear up space? And where would you dedicate most of
27:40
Speaker 1: your time? Number two? If you had to swap lives
27:42
Speaker 1: with someone, who would it be and why? Three? What
27:46
Speaker 1: is holding me back from living the exact life that
27:49
Speaker 1: I want? Internal or external? Number four? Where do I
27:53
Speaker 1: lose track of time in a good way based on
27:56
Speaker 1: active engagement? Number five? What is my ego hold onto
28:00
Speaker 1: that makes me stay in my old life and is
28:02
Speaker 1: ultimately hurting me? And Number six what person, activity, or
28:06
Speaker 1: event brings out the best in me? That is the
28:10
Speaker 1: episode of today, Guys, Thank you so much for tuning in.
28:13
Speaker 1: Play this like a game, write those questions down, or
28:17
Speaker 1: you can even re listen to this episode with your
28:19
Speaker 1: friends and like pause at every question. But it's a
28:22
Speaker 1: great exercise to do with your friends to get a
28:24
Speaker 1: deeper understanding of everyone in the group. Do with your partner.
28:28
Speaker 1: It's really I feel like you could almost turn it
28:30
Speaker 1: into a game like the dyfil card game kind of vibes. Yes,
28:35
Speaker 1: that is all for today, guys. Thank you so much
28:38
Speaker 1: for tuning in. As always, love you guys, and I
28:42
Speaker 1: will speak to you slash yell at you next week.
28:47
Speaker 1: That is all, As always remembered, behind to yourself, becanti
28:50
Speaker 1: your brain. Don't text shit from anyone, and especially don't
28:52
Speaker 1: text shit from yourself. Dunker