Latest / Motherhood Uncut / Three Truths That Make Motherhood Feel So Much Easier

Transcript

Three Truths That Make Motherhood Feel So Much Easier · Motherhood Uncut

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Over the last 20 years, I have worked with thousands of mothers.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: And while every family is different, I have found that there are three truths that make motherhood dramatically easier.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Not because they make your child easier, not because they eliminate hard moments, but because they change how you experience those hard moments.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Before we jump in, I want you to know something though.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: In my experience, what makes motherhood feel so hard isn't usually the chaos of our children or the long-to-do lists or the lack of space or being needed all the time.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually the beliefs that we bring into motherhood with us.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: We've been taught that our child's emotions are our responsibility, that we have to keep everyone happy, that if our child struggles with separation, we've somehow done something wrong.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Those beliefs create so much unnecessary suffering.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: The three truths that I'm sharing with you today replace those myths with something that's actually true.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: So the next time you find yourself overwhelmed, wondering if you're getting it wrong or feeling pulled in 10 different directions, I want you to come back to these three truths.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: They will help you find your footing again.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Let's start with the first one.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: So truth number one, your child's emotions are not a problem to solve.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: This might be the biggest shift you ever make as a parent.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us believe our job is to make our children feel better, to make them happy.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: They're crying, we problem solve.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: They're frustrated, we fix, they're disappointed, we distract.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: But feelings were never the problem.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Feelings are just information.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: And when we stop treating emotions like emergencies, we stop parenting from panic.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of asking, how do I make this feeling go away?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: We begin asking, how can I stay with my child while they are having this feeling?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: That one shift changes everything because secure attachment, that deep and healthy bond that we want, is not built by eliminating difficult emotions.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's built by helping your child discover that they can move through them and survive all without being alone.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: So that brings me to the second truth, truth number two.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: You have one ball in the air, your nervous system.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: One of the biggest mistakes I see moms make is believing they have to keep all the balls in the air all the time.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: The house, the laundry, the birthday party, the meals, the to-do list, your child's feelings, your partner's needs, work.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it feels like you are juggling 25 different balls every single day.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the truth.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: You only have one, your nervous system.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because the steadier you are on the inside, the easier it becomes to move through everything that's happening on the outside.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Notice I didn't say that those other things go away.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, they don't, obviously.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: The laundry still needs to get done.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Your child still has big feelings.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Life is still very full.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: But when your nervous system is grounded, you think more clearly.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: You respond instead of react.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: You become more patient and more flexible and more able to handle whatever the day brings.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: So the next time you feel overwhelmed, don't ask yourself, how do I keep all these balls in the air?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, ask, how do I steady the one ball that matters most?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because when your nervous system settles, everything else becomes easier to carry.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Before I go on, is this resonating?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: If so, take just one second and subscribe.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: On this feed, I make sure you never feel alone and have quick and accessible answers to the most common challenges in motherhood.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that brings me to the third truth, truth number three.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Healthy connection requires separation.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: This one surprises almost every mom I work with.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Somewhere along the way, we've been taught that secure attachment, again, that healthy and strong bond, means always being together.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Secure attachment is built through a rhythm of separation and reunion.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: You leave, you come back.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Your child gets upset, you help them reconnect.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's the rhythm.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And in fact, every healthy relationship your child will ever have is built on this pattern.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: School and friendships and sleepovers and college, eventually adult relationships.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Learning to separate and reconnect is one of the most important developmental skills of childhood.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is not to prevent separation.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is to help your child discover that separation is survivable and that connection is still waiting for them when you come back.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: So if drop-off is hard, if bedtime is hard, if saying goodbye is hard, it doesn't automatically mean you are doing something wrong.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: It may simply mean your child is learning one of life's most important relationship skills.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: The question isn't how do I stop my child from feeling this, or even how do I separate from my child less?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: The question is, how can I stay steady enough to help my child discover that our relationship is strong enough to handle that separation?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's what secure attachment is.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the absence of separation, it's the deep trust that your relationship is strong enough to move through separation and find each other again.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Motherhood doesn't become easier because your child stops having big feelings.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't become easier because you've figured out how to keep all the balls in the air.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't become easier because you've eliminated moments of separation.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Motherhood becomes easier when you stop fighting the very things that are meant to be a part of it.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: When you stop treating your child's emotions like problems to solve, when you realize the only ball you have to keep in the air is your own nervous system.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: And when you begin to trust that healthy connection isn't created by avoiding separation.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's created by moving through separation and finding each other again.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Those three truths change everything.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: If this video resonated for you, I think you will also enjoy my next video.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna link it right here.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: More on attachment, more on healthy parenting, more on finding the joy and connection that you have always wanted during this very busy time.