Latest / Alive, I Guess Podcast / Episode 37 - Getting Old Be Happenin

Transcript

Episode 37 - Getting Old Be Happenin · Alive, I Guess Podcast

• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on, y'all?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to your safe space.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, RJ, and this is the Alive I Guess Podcast.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you're new here, welcome.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you for joining.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've been here, welcome back.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: As always, stop what you're doing, pull out your phone, go to Instagram, go to TikTok, go to Facebook if you got it.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Shit, go to threads.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: And make sure y'all are following us at AliveI Guess Podcast.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you aren't by now, I don't know what we're doing.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's been months.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: You should be following.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And make sure if y'all got any feedback or inquiries, email us at alive I guesspodcast at gmail.com.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And don't forget to hit that tinyurl.com slash AIGP advice link for all I say this with love submissions.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Today we are going to be discussing getting older.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's a reality that I have started facing in recent months, past year or so.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are fortunate enough, it's something that you're going to go through.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's inevitable.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times it's looked at something that we should kind of like fear or dread.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: But I have learned to kind of embrace it and just, you know, let it be what it is.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because getting older is truly a blessing and it's not guaranteed.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: So it's nothing to be afraid of.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: But before we do that, you already know we gotta do a moment of gratitude.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are listening today, say something out loud that you're grateful for.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are watching, drop something below in the comments.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm grateful for choosing peace.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is something that has definitely come with age, with getting older, because I used to choose violence, chaos.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: I was choosing, you want to take the low road, I'll meet you in hell.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, but I've learned that my peace is more important than getting my lick back or having the last laugh or whatever.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's more important than anything.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm grateful that I have decided to choose peace and that I get to experience peace.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's a lot of craziness going on in the world.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: So definitely grateful for it.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: But all right, let's get into it.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because getting older be happening.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Embracing getting older is something that I find very interesting for myself because not necessarily like is it guaranteed that you will get older, but it is a guarantee that everybody at some point dies, right?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: And as a kid, up until maybe like two years ago, I was terrified of death.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like the idea of death.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: When I was a kid, I used to wake up in tears, just messed up trying to understand the concept of death.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: It just blew me completely.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it scared the shit out of me.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: So to be where I am today, someone who embraces that like everybody dies, you're never gonna make it out of this life alive.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and realizing that getting older truly isn't a given.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's not something that is guaranteed, and it really is a blessing.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's a blessing to get old.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that I embrace.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it started to happen like right before I turned 30.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Up until I was like 28.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, damn, I'm about to be out of my 20s, I'm about to be old, I'm about to like turn a new leaf and feel like I'm officially like an adult.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: But when 29 hit, I was like, I can't wait to be in my 30s.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I can't wait to age and mature and experience life with more wisdom and a new perspective and living through experiences and understanding different things about the world and myself and how I interact in the world.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why would I be afraid of that?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Why would I be afraid of having proof that I have lived a life?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Why would I be upset that my body, my face, things on my body is changing?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's proof of life.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: So to be where I am today with embracing getting older, full circle moment.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Just so I could just give a little caveat of some context with aging and death and how far of a road it was to get to this point for me personally.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: So, over the course of the last couple years, I've embraced aging from like a getting older, turning a new age perspective.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: But it hasn't been until this year that I like realize that I am getting older.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: I see things in myself, in my tastes, in my appearance, in my body.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can see the aging.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it goes from this like abstract thing to like something that is like real.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that's been kind of crazy to experience.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: First, it started to kind of hit because you know, like time.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: I look at how far back like I graduated, or how far or how long I've been with like my wife, or like dang, it's been like five years, six years, seven years, okay, eight years.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: All of a sudden, it's been 10 years since things have happened, and I swear it was just like the other day.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or I look at how old the kids in my life were, and I'm like, damn, y'all are like kids, like these kids are in high school, or like these kids are turned to adults, and I'm like, well, if they're aging, that means I'm I'm aging too.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Or I just started to notice things around me and how much time has passed, or the different things in life that have changed, and it really put me in a place of being reflective with time passing and therefore looking at my own aging process.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like ever since like the pandemic, time has literally been warped.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think there is some sort of scientific backing about time literally speeding up, but just my own like understanding of it and my reality of living in it, it has felt like it is completely flew by.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, all this time I cannot believe we're about to be seven years since the pandemic.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I take into account things like that, and then um, there are moments where like I'm looking in the mirror or I'm looking back at pictures, and I'm just seeing the aging being shown back to me.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, when did this happen?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, when did I start to look older?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: When did I start to change?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there was one morning I was looking in the mirror at myself, getting ready for something.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I was getting ready for work because it was a while ago, but I'm like looking at myself and I'm like, wow, like I look different, you know, like granted, lost some weight, so like I did look different, but going back to pictures from like six years ago, like you can see the age and the difference in age, so it just was really fascinating to actually see it because all my life I've just been the person to see other people get older and look at the adults in my life, and now I'm the adult in the life, like I'm the adult.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: I am starting to connect the dots of understanding like where the adults in my life were at this age, and realizing I'm that age that I'm thinking about, you know, like the whole idea of like this mortality piece has been really like hitting in recent days.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Not to mention like social media, people will pop out with kids or married, or kids maybe you saw when they were babies, they're now starting some certain grade, and it's like, damn, when did they get that old?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: So you combine all this, these little steps, and it kind of plays into this realization of wow, I'm getting older.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Low-key, it kind of snakes up on you, you know, like you just get stuck in the day-to-day living your life, having your experiences, going through stressors, going through trauma, going through joy, having new things come up, deaths, births, trips, jobs, changes, and before you know it, time has passed, and you have gotten older and have passed with that time along with it, you know?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you never really recognize it until after the fact, and then you really never realize like the time that you're in until you're looking back on it as well.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I was just thinking about a time this morning.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this morning I was thinking about a certain time, and it wasn't like a significant time on paper, but during this time, it just felt like things were simpler, and I remember feeling stressed that I didn't really have much going on and hoping to be in a position similar to what I am today, and just connecting the dots of like wow, like I really went from that place of wanting and dreaming to being in this place to where I've done a lot of those things that I wanted, and I'm like passing and moving into a new space because I've already checked a lot of that off my list.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: So it's just something that I feel comes up more and more these days as I kind of realize like this process of aging and moving through life.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because I've taken more opportunities to understand that this life thing is one, very precious, very precious, not guaranteed that you will have a long, healthy, abundant life and to make the most of the time that you have now.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: But two, that like life is happening every day.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: You are getting closer to that life being over.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it's putting into perspective like the aging in which I'm experiencing.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel I'm experiencing aging in three different ways: aging in my body, aging in my identity, and just aging with time, in time.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And let's get into those three different areas right now.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: The aging in the body is probably like the biggest, most obvious thing that I can tell when it comes to like realizing I'm getting older.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, things that used to kind of be effortless and so effortless.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Thinking about the fact that I was able to go out and be out all night and rally and be up early the next morning and be good to go.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: No caffeine.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Please, that is not the case.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: I need a lot of hours of sleep just to get to a place where I'm tired the next day at 2 p.m.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like things don't come with as much ease.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Recovering from things doesn't come as easy as it did before.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: I, you know, knew with basketball I was gonna have some injuries as I got older that would be uh resurfacing and coming back to bite me in the ass.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and not to say that, you know, I'm dealing with that yet, but like I had a knee injury in college.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: And as I'm working out or just trying to get back into the swing of things with the gym, like my knee used to be, you know, it hurts, iced it, low ibuprofen, you good to go.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: But today, like, baby, my girl needs a few days to recover, you know, like the body isn't as nimble as it was before.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not as young of a whipper snapper as I was, and I'm even younger and I'm in better shape than I will be in 10 years, you know, like it's this weird realization, but I can feel it for sure in my body that like I'm not as young as I used to be.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: So your body definitely makes you like confront that mortality first, and it just sucks because you know, we live in a world where youth and appearances and being close to being age lit, like not aging is the thing, like the beauty industry, like no one wants to get old, everyone wants to stay young, relevant, up to date with the latest, trending, cool shit.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, nobody wants to be the old person at the party, you know?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: So it feels like embracing aging is kind of taboo, and it's not something that's really embraced from a cultural standpoint.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: On the other side, because you know, social media is so big, you can find spaces and places and community that does embrace it, but just as like a general societal acceptance, it still isn't something that is like you're getting older.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, only time you really hear about aging is when they're trying to sell you some shit about being old, some medication or like timeshares.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, they it's all to get your money, like it's not like you should embrace being older.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, they're trying to sell you any way they can, but it's not because they care, they care about your money.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: The biggest thing I had to kind of do with realizing that your body's changing, and your body's gonna continue to change, and it's gonna continue to age, and you're gonna continue to look different, and your appearance is gonna continue to shift and look older.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Gotta accept it.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Gotta love every phase of it, gotta love every part along the journey, and just accept that it is what it is, and it's going to happen.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not a negative thing, it's literally like proof of life.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's proof that you've made it to this age, you know?
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, gray hair is like a badge of honor because if you don't make it to being old, you're not gonna get no gray hair.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if you get gray hair when you're young, that'll mean shit, you're probably just stressed out or is genetic, but you know, like accept the body is going to age and then the rest will come, which leads me into the next part: aging and identity.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Let's see, I'm 32.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go back to 17-year-old RJ.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: What's that, 15 years ago?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Which is crazy because it does not feel like 15 years ago.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: But who did 17-year-old RJ think 22-year-old RJ would be?
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they thought they would be playing overseas or in the WNBA, probably, dare I say, would a husband and with kids.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: I remember I wanted kids by 23, because that's what I saw.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I somehow was playing in the league, married, or partnered with someone with children.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then by 22, that was not the case.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to play basketball anymore, didn't have any children.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I was, I mean, basically married, but it wasn't to a man, thank God.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: So that was already something completely different.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then let's just do 10 years.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: We ain't gonna go to five, but let's say 10 years from there, where did I see myself being?
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: No, I was gonna be married, thought I'd have the kids, thought we'd own a house, thought we'd travel the world.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: I think I might have still thought I'd be coaching.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't think I'd be sober, didn't think I wouldn't have the people in my life that I don't have in my life anymore.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: I absolutely didn't think I'd have a podcast.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: That was completely out of the question.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: I never would have thought I would be who I am today, today.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I say that in like a great way.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think I kind of limited myself back then, and the identity that I saw myself in wasn't my own identity, it was what people told me I should do.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm very grateful to actually not be the person who I thought I would be 10 years ago.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: But still, like I'm not the person who I thought I was, and now that I'm thinking back of like, where do you see yourself in 10 years?
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's been 10 years, and that's insane.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: When you start to look at age, especially in comparison to like previous ages, it starts to make you like ask questions of yourself, you know, like, am I where I should be?
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Did I waste my time?
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: You start looking at some regrets, you start looking at how much time is left.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like it really makes you think about things and consider if you're making the right steps and if you're going in the right direction.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: You start to recognize the time is not only limited, it's getting shorter.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: So you start to reanalyze everything around you and see if you're quote unquote doing it right, which we all know don't exist, but that's just kind of what happens when you realize, like, oh shit, I am not getting any younger.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: So honestly, like I had to let go of the timeline.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: I stopped doing five-year plans, 10-year plans, New Year's resolutions.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: I stopped doing all that because like I understand there's a what's the quote?
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Something along the lines of you make a plan and God laughs.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Cause really, you can make all the plans you want.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow the steps, you could get the degree, you could get the job, you could do everything by the book.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: You can even have an arranged marriage, but things are never going to go according to plan.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many variables that come into life, so many things can change.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: You are not the same person, you are the entire time.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: You change as you grow, you have new interests, you have new tastes, things that you liked before you may not like anymore.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Would you believe me if I said at one point, I would have never thought I would be with the woman ever.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: Ever.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I never would have saw myself here, even though this is who I am at my core.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't get turned out, I didn't get none of that shit.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is just who I am.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm like, in my head, I made up my mind that I'm not gonna be with a woman.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: If I would have stuck to that, blocking a blessing.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: You mean you get what I mean?
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you might think you understand what's gonna happen, but you can't really control the other things that come into play when it comes to your life.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: So you could try and make a plan, you could try and stick to a timeline, but good luck with that.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll let the whole timeline thing go.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: Now I do still have like milestones in place and things that I want to accomplish, but I'm not limiting myself to like a deadline of when these things are supposed to be done by.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there have been timelines and milestones that have passed that I used to hold myself to that I just let pass and take into consideration everything that's kind of happened the previous year, few months, whatever before that, and see like where this is leading me, you know.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: Cause I don't want to stop myself or block myself from what's truly for me because I'm so dead set on going down this path.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: If it's so tough for You to go down a certain path, especially the one that you created, like, then that's probably not the path for you.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you feel yourself being guided another direction, that's probably because that's the road you're supposed to go down, your destiny.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not going to force anything that's not for me.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not going to force to meet it at a certain time because you never know what you're being protected from.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what if you get this thing now when you're supposed to get it later?
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of things in my life.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: If I would have got it when I wanted it, couldn't sustain.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't ready.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like I couldn't handle it.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't rush nothing.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: I don't force nothing.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: I just embrace it and I keep moving forward with the things that I want.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: And if interests change, if desires change, then I change with it.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I am malleable, I am flexible, I am open to receiving things because I do not want to look back on my life when I am 80-something, 90-something, if I'm lucky, and be like, I wish I would have done it differently.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm learning to let go and just embrace life.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: I want to live life.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to force life.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like I don't want to do life.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: I want to live.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I'm letting happen.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because we don't borrow time, baby.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: Which brings me to my last point: aging in time.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: There was a point in life where someday felt infinite.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: You felt like you had all the time in the world.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: And look, I'm still young.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not thinking I'm an old ass individual, right?
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: But I recognize that it is not infinite.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: You, if you lucky from now, I got 60 years left.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: I've got maybe two more times to experience how old I am today left.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want to keep putting things into the someday bucket.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: Someday, because someday ain't never gonna happen.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm trying to do things more in the present.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: Actually put a plan into action so that I can do things, like especially when it comes to things that refill my cup or goals or plans or dreams that I have.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like that vacation that you want, like someday I'll do it, or having kids, like someday I'll do it.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm moving into a space of actually planning so that I can execute.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: And there are other factors, mainly money, that you have to make sure are, you know, in order before you can do these things, but just chucking it to someday, you may not get that day.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: You could die tomorrow.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: I could die tomorrow.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like nothing is promised.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm really trying to make someday like an actual date on the calendar so that it's getting done.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, you look up and all these years have passed, or you think you have all these years ahead of us, but nobody knows how long we have.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: I just lost my cousin, 22 years old.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: She was about to get married, she had all these plans for the future.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: She didn't think her last day was her last day.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody did.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I look at that and it makes me really be like, I gotta do more things for me now, and I can't put it off because if I'm putting it off, I could just assume that it ain't gonna happen because it's not a guarantee.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm really trying to do things as close to in the present as possible, and that in turn makes me confront my mortality and not in like a morbid way, just like reality, you know.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: I used to avoid thinking about death, avoid thinking about the future, avoid thinking about anything because I was so afraid of dying.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: But how crazy is it to be afraid of something that you can't avoid?
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: Go and die, you know?
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: Don't know when.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: So it's time to start living.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I'm starting to do.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: Some days I get caught up in the motion, get caught up in the everyday, but there's more moments where I'm like, hold on, hold on.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: What are we what are we doing?
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: Are we surviving or are we living?
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Are we alive or are we living?
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because we all alive, I guess.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: But like, are we all living?
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: Can you honestly say you are living life to your fullest?
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: I can honestly say I'm not there yet, and I'm working towards getting there.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm putting things in motion, I'm putting things in place to where I can do that.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because we, again, don't know how long this thing is gonna go.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: So, what that looks like in practice is saying yes to more opportunities and letting go of things I no longer align with, not trying to force myself to be or to do or to show up as something that I truly don't want.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because even if, let's say I do aspire for this big goal, let's say I have this dream of making hundreds of thousands of millions of dollars.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: If I stay on the grime and work at a job and work my way all the way up, yes, it's possible to get that.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: But like, is that what you want for the sake of trying to reach this goal?
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: Hell no.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, that's not what I want just because I have this goal in mind.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying that's my goal, but like looking at things from that lens, like if you get so dead set on making sure you do this thing, the way in which you go through life isn't going to be as fulfilling because you're trying to accomplish this task, like you're trying to achieve life.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like you're trying to live life.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I was so caught up in trying to do life for so long that like I don't want to do life anymore.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: I want to live it.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: So that's how I've shifted my perspective and my way in which I am living.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: Realizing like we are all mortal, we are all getting older, and death is inevitable.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there that's a little fearful, that's a little nerve-wracking.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody wants to think about the fact that we are gonna die one day.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: But like, there's clarity in that, you know?
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, understanding no matter what you do, no matter how hard you go, no matter how much money you make, no matter what connections you make in life, at the end of the day, you are not getting out of this life alive.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: So you might as well make the most of it.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because as far as we know, we got one shot at this thing.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what y'all believe in, but this is the only life I remember.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about y'all.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: I can't remember no other lives happening.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to take full advantage of this one just in case it's it.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Just in case it's short, I'm gonna live it out.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: Cause who knows how long we got in those moments where things get scary or when I get too ahead of myself, because you know, only human.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: There are some things I like to practice to kind of help reel me back in and ground me.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: First, I look at aging of like I'm not getting like older in a negative, I'm getting wiser, I'm getting more experienced.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's proof that I've lived and like a badge that I've lived this life, you know?
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like I stopped looking at birthdays as like I'm turning a new age, you know?
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like I see it as like a celebration of making it through like the previous year.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: Let me explain.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: So when I turn 32, I was like, damn, I'm 32 now.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like when you turn your age, when your birthday hits, you've already lived that amount of years.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: When so when I hit 32, I've already been alive 32 years.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like I made it through my 32nd year.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: And the day after my birthday, I'm now in my 33rd year, like moving into that 33rd year.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm really celebrating being alive instead of being like, oh shit, I'm just marching towards death at this point, getting closer to the end.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, like we can't move fear-based anymore.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: So that's first thing.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: The next thing is really like using my age as proof of life, using my experience to help me grow instead of looking back at where I used to be when I was younger, and like, oh man, so much time has passed.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I look at it, look at it as like, man, when I was younger, like, poor thing didn't know no better, was going through all this, and they would be so excited to see where I am now, to see that I've overcome that hurdle that we never thought we would overcome, to see that hole we climbed out of that we never thought we could.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, my reference point has shifted to admire this new age that I'm at, this current age that I'm at, instead of looking back at the younger version of me in regret that I'll never be back at that age.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that in turn makes me look at the future.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I wonder how much wiser and better and more mature and all the other ways I can just improve with age.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like I'm excited to age.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not in a rush, but I am excited.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: I am welcoming it.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: The next thing is talking about it.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody wants to talk about getting older.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: I don't understand why, because every day everybody's getting older.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's nothing we can avoid.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: It ain't no secret.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: And talking about it takes the stigma out of it, embracing it, finding community in it, find people to talk about it with.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's not something to be afraid of.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to stick to being young forever.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: Bro, there's a reason why it's called young and dumb.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: You really don't know shit.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: You make so many mistakes, you think so deeply into things, just because like it's your first time there, and you have this amount of life experience versus when you're 40, 50, you have this much to understand, like, you know, the situation that I'm in, I'm gonna come up out of it.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: But when you're 20, oh shit, that's the end of the world.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't want to be stuck in that.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to be 10 years, 20 years removed from an age, still trying to be that age.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's weird.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you want to be attached to this youthfulness as you're getting older?
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's odd, right?
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's just me, but I I have no desire to want to stay young forever.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: So look, man, like don't trip on aging.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: There's literally nothing you can do about it.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying if you want to look good, if you want to keep your face looking young, or if you have a thing with wrinkles or style, like, do your thing.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what I'm saying.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: But you already know that black don't crack.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, we we're good to go, you know.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, for my non-black folks, you know, do what you gotta do if that's what you're concerned about.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: But like, it's proof of life.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: The wrinkles, the stretch marks, the gray hairs, the sagging skin, the texturized skin, like it's all proof that you've lived.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: Why would you want to hide that?
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: Why would you want to be old as fuck with your skin tight and your face lifted and your eyes tightened and like that?
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't look right.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's unnatural because we are meant to age.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_00: Things get older, things grow.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's a sign of growth when you age.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: Don't run from it.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it just it's not a game you're gonna win, babe.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, embrace it because it's happening whether you embrace it or not.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_00: Aging isn't a problem to solve, because can't solve it unless you decide you don't want to age no more, and then there's only one way out of that, but hopefully that is not the answer.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not something you need to solve, like it's something that you have to embrace, it's a relationship with yourself that you need to build.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: My question to y'all what's one thing you're aging into, not necessarily out of, but like into.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: For me, I really like a slow morning.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_00: I used to be get up and get to it like all the time, but now I enjoy the slow pace of an early morning.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like I would rather wake up earlier just to take a slow morning pace in versus get more sleep and then get my day started.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I really enjoy the slowness, the morning before most of the world is awake, when things are really subtle before the hustle and bustle starts up.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I that's my jam, you know.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't I don't like all the buzz, buzz gonna come, you know.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_00: I enjoy the peaceful moments.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, what's something that y'all are aging into?
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I also love me a good brunch.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: I love a good brunch, hold the champagne, you know, a little Kiki with the homies, some good food, you know, good movie night on the couch with a blanket.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh man, in bed by 10.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, rubbing my feet together, you know what I'm saying?
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I I like that.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make me old?
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: Shit.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sign me up for ARP.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: Cause I I'm with that.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: But in all seriousness, like, aging isn't something that you should fear.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's literally like something you can't avoid.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it's confirmation that you're still here to do it.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: Think of all the people that you know, or all the people that you don't know, who are no longer here, who no longer get that opportunity to get any older than they were.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: I bet you if they could, they would happily take your place to continue to live their life.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: So embrace it, you know.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_00: You can't change it, you can't run from it, you can't go backwards.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_00: So you might as well just be where your feet are and live in the moment.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: I personally am very grateful to be getting older, to be alive, to get wiser, for all the many experiences I'm gonna have, for all the new people I'm gonna meet, for the family I'm going to grow into my life, for the new things that are to come into my life.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited for all the versions of me I have yet to meet.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I just look forward to meeting them at every age along the way.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're lucky, I hope you get to have the same things for many, many years to come and get to meet all the various versions of yourself along the way.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, y'all, let's get into this.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: I say this with love.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_00: As a reminder, for a chance to get your submission read, make sure y'all are visiting that tiny URL link, dropping your information there, and I will read it during one of these episodes.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: My partner is great, but I don't feel excited anymore.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: Is that normal or a red flag?
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: I say this with love.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_00: Uh wasn't much context for me to understand what it is, so I only have what I can assume you mean, and I think you mean that like you're not experiencing any more excitement in the relationship with your partner.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, don't know how long you have been with your partner, if y'all are married or just like coupled.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but what I can say as someone who has been with my wife for it'll be 10 years this year, four years together, six years married, there's going to be moments where things aren't exciting.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, well, first let me say the honeymoon phase does not last forever.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's why it's a phase.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all are two adults living in a very chaotic time where things are very expensive.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: You have a lot of stressors around you.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes y'all are gonna hit a lull.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I don't know if it's been an extended amount of time that you have felt unexcited, not excited, if that's even a word.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but like sit and recognize what it is that you feel you're missing.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know, did y'all used to do things that you don't do anymore?
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel like y'all have talked about everything?
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: Which I personally don't agree with because again, we've been together 10 years and like we still uncover new things to talk about.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: But like, whatever it is that you're dealing with, like identify what that is and see if it's something that is amendable.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, have you spoken to your partner about it?
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_00: Have y'all tried therapy?
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I I don't have a lot of information to understand the full gist of it.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: But I think once you know what it is that you miss or what you desire or yearn for, if that's something that y'all can do, like bringing that, reintroducing that, and if it's something that like it worked once before, but it doesn't fit into your life today, figure out what you can do to kind of like scratch that itch and meet that need.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and like make sure your partner's aware so that they can do their part in trying to help because maybe they feel the same way.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe y'all feel the exact same way, and y'all just need to talk about it.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like that happens too.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there have been times where there's been an issue or like a thing or like a blocker that I'm experiencing, and I bring it to my wife and she's experiencing the same thing, and it's like, oh shit, well, how are we gonna fix it?
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then we fix it and we're good to go.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, have the conversation if it's fixable, fix it if you need more work, maybe get a therapist or find new things to fill that gap.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, uh that's a always a tough one because like people want the good times to always last, but it's called a honeymoon phase for a reason.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_00: All right, y'all.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's it for today's episode.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_00: As a reminder, I don't know if y'all did it at the beginning of the episode, but make sure y'all check, make sure y'all following us on all social platforms, you hitting us on the email for all inquiries, and you visiting that tiny URL link for all I say this with love submissions.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all should know by now.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know the drill.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_00: But I appreciate y'all.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_00: And as always, I'm RJ.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Alive I Guess podcast, and I'll see y'all same time next week.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a live like it.