Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / Don’t Let What Hurt You CHANGE Who You Are (S5) S38:E7 Friday

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Don’t Let What Hurt You CHANGE Who You Are (S5) S38:E7 Friday · Inspirations for Your Life

0:23
Well, hello there, everyone, and welcome to the
0:25
ever-popular Inspirations for Your Life show.
0:28
Today is Friday.
0:29
It's September 18, 2026.
0:31
It's great to have you with me here
0:32
today.
0:33
If this is your very first time joining
0:35
me, I want to take the opportunity to
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say welcome.
0:37
And of course, I want to say thank
0:38
you for choosing to be with me here
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today.
0:42
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whether it's one time, 10 times, 100, or
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more, or maybe you lost track of the
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welcome, but I also want to say the
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words welcome back, because you guys truly are
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welcome here, and I'm so grateful to have
0:57
you here with me, enjoying the show, and
1:00
soaking up all this great knowledge.
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1:23
All right, guys, let's get right into this,
1:26
shall we?
1:27
All right.
1:27
So again, welcome to another episode of the
1:30
ever-popular Inspirations for Your Life Show.
1:32
I'm John C.
1:33
Morley.
1:34
I am a serial entrepreneur, if you didn't
1:37
know that.
1:37
I am an engineer, marketing specialist, video producer,
1:40
podcast host, coach, keynote speaker, a passionate lifelong
1:44
learner, and a graduate student at Montgomery State
1:46
University, and so grateful now to be a
1:48
published author.
1:50
You know, I've spent this week talking about
1:52
anger, resentment, forgiveness, trust, and of course, letting
1:56
go.
1:57
Today, I'm finishing it up with a critical
1:59
question.
2:00
Has what hurt you started changing who you
2:03
are?
2:04
You started changing who you are could be
2:07
a problem for you, right, if you've done
2:09
that.
2:09
Pain can teach you, but it shouldn't become
2:11
your identity.
2:12
So let's get into our 30 points and
2:14
hopefully we'll make this a little more clear
2:17
for everyone.
2:18
All right?
2:19
So number one is what you carry long
2:22
enough can become part of your identity.
2:25
Carry pain long enough, and it can influence
2:27
how you see yourself and other people, and
2:30
of course, your future.
2:31
Don't let an experience quietly become your definition.
2:34
That's important, guys, really important.
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I think a lot of people just fall
2:38
into this mold and say, you know what,
2:39
I'm just going to do this, and it
2:40
doesn't really matter.
2:41
But really, they're gypping themselves, and that's a
2:43
very, very big problem.
2:44
Number two, stop introducing yourself through what hurt
2:48
you.
2:49
Your painful experiences matter, but they're not your
2:52
entire biography.
2:53
Your story includes what happened, but it also
2:56
includes everything you've done since.
2:58
I think we forget that sometimes, that it
3:01
is what has happened to us along the
3:03
road, not just one particular moment in time.
3:06
Number three, you are more than what somebody
3:10
did.
3:10
Someone else's behavior doesn't determine your value, character,
3:14
or even your true potential.
3:16
What they did belongs to them.
3:18
What you become afterward belongs to you, right?
3:22
Number four, pain can become a chapter without
3:26
becoming the entire book.
3:27
I think a lot of people fall into
3:29
pain and discover, like, oh, I've got to
3:30
make that my whole life.
3:32
No, you don't have to, okay?
3:35
Some chapters will change us, but they don't
3:38
need to control every bit of us or
3:41
be the narrative for every single chapter of
3:44
the book.
3:45
Learn from what happened and keep writing, right?
3:49
I've always said keep the lesson and throw
3:51
out the emotion that's hurting you.
3:53
Number five, guys, stop building your personality around
3:57
survival.
3:59
It's exhausting, and it will burn you out.
4:02
Being guarded may have helped you through a
4:04
difficult period, but survival behaviors don't necessarily need
4:08
to become permanent personality traits.
4:10
If they do, again, they'll burn you out.
4:12
You're going to hate things, and you'll be
4:14
like, oh, why am I doing this, right?
4:16
Number six, you don't have to do that,
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but I want to let you know that
4:22
you can protect yourself, okay?
4:25
Caution can protect you, but permanent protection can
4:28
become isolation, okay?
4:30
So you gradually lower your guard without abandoning
4:33
good judgment.
4:34
I think that takes some skill, but I
4:36
think people feel better when they learn that
4:38
they actually can do these kinds of things.
4:41
Number seven, guys, healing may require becoming open
4:44
to life again.
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A lot of people I know, it's like
4:47
if you ever go with somebody to a
4:49
restaurant, and they've never been to that restaurant
4:50
before, they feel that, you know, they don't
4:52
want to try Brussels sprouts, or they don't
4:54
want to try liver, or they don't want
4:55
to try specials.
4:56
They don't want to try anything new, right?
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Sometimes you need to do that.
5:00
You need to try something new.
5:03
So as I said, number seven, healing may
5:05
require becoming open to life again, becoming open
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to new possibilities.
5:09
Healing isn't only experiencing less pain or discomfort.
5:12
Eventually, it means allowing new people, possibilities, relationships,
5:15
and experiences into your life.
5:17
That's the key, guys.
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Number eight, stop expecting every new person to
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repeat an old person's behavior.
5:25
One betrayal doesn't make everybody dishonest.
5:27
Don't force someone new to answer for something
5:30
somebody else did.
5:33
Number nine, new people deserve to be evaluated
5:36
as new people.
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Watch their behavior.
5:39
Look for honesty, consistency, respect, and actions.
5:44
Evaluate them based on who they actually show
5:47
themselves to be, okay?
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That's important, guys.
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I think a lot of people, they miss
5:54
that.
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Number 10, your past should sharpen your judgment,
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not destroy your trust.
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Too many people get upset because their trust
6:03
hasn't gone where it needed to be.
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That's a very, very important thing.
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So experiences can teach you warning signs and
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stronger boundaries.
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That's growing in wisdom.
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Assuming nobody can ever be trusted is something
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different.
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I think once we're hurt, and we've all
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been hurt at one point in our life,
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and then we're like, you know, how do
6:26
we trust again?
6:29
Maybe your boundaries are thicker.
6:36
Maybe in addition to your boundaries being, let's
6:39
say, tighter, you're, let's say, less open to
6:44
want to communicate.
6:45
And I get that, but we can't, you
6:48
know, totally put our guards up, right?
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That's going to be a big problem.
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Number 11, let experience create wisdom instead of
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cynicism.
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Wisdom says you've learned what to watch for,
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right?
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Cynicism says something very important.
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You know what that is?
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Says everyone will eventually hurt you.
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Let experience make you smarter, not closed-minded.
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But a lot of you will think if
7:22
they're closed-minded that they're going to be
7:24
so protected.
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And although it seems like that, you're also
7:28
not going to get any new wins, right?
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You're not going to get any new wins,
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and I think that's a very, very big
7:35
problem.
7:40
I think that's a very important thing that
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we all need to be thinking about, not
7:44
just one day, but every day of our
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life.
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Number 12, guys, stop assuming disappointment is inevitable.
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Expecting the worst can feel protective, but it
7:56
can also prevent you from recognizing something good.
8:00
Yesterday doesn't automatically predict tomorrow.
8:04
And that's something I feel a lot of
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people are living under the caveat, that that's
8:10
how it has to be, okay?
8:12
As number 13 says, protect yourself without closing
8:15
yourself.
8:16
Boundaries, awareness, and discernment, they're healthy traits, basically.
8:21
Build protection that allows you to live rather
8:23
than protection that prevents you from living.
8:26
So if we have too much restriction, what
8:29
happens?
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We can't do anything.
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So we've got to have this balance, a
8:36
delicate balance between what is and what isn't,
8:42
right?
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So it's a fine line.
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Number 14, your future requires emotional room.
8:50
A lot of people say, oh, I don't
8:51
do emotions.
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I'm just here for business.
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Well, I got news for you guys.
8:55
Everybody in life does emotions.
8:57
Whether they say it or not, they do
8:59
them.
8:59
They process them.
9:00
Maybe they don't want to share it.
9:02
If yesterday occupies all your emotional space, where
9:05
does tomorrow go?
9:07
Something new needs room to enter your life.
9:10
And we have to prepare for that now
9:11
because see, when we prepare for that now,
9:14
the potential of our life grows.
9:17
You know, you've heard this probably before, when
9:19
we make room for something, something new comes
9:22
into our life.
9:24
I think that's a very important thing to
9:28
think about, right?
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A very important thing to think about.
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And maybe you're saying to me, hey, John,
9:34
you know, I get that, but you don't
9:36
get my situation.
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No, I get your situation.
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I absolutely get your situation.
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But maybe you're being too closed-minded because
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it's not doing what you want it to
9:46
do.
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I mean, I'm just saying that, okay?
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Number 15, guys, release what occupies space needed
9:54
for something better.
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So old anger, maybe resentment, that ego, and
10:01
fear, what do they do?
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They all consume emotional space.
10:06
Ask whether you're ready to make some of
10:08
that space available for something better, something else,
10:11
something that's gonna help you turn the corner,
10:13
something that's gonna allow you to become a
10:16
new you.
10:16
As I like to say, become a better
10:18
version of yourself, okay?
10:23
I think that's an important piece in a
10:25
lot of people, just, you know, that they
10:27
miss that.
10:29
And when they miss that, it's like, you
10:31
know, what do you do?
10:33
And I think sometimes it's about who you're
10:39
communicating with.
10:41
And that is important, but it's how you're
10:44
communicating, okay, how you're communicating is really the
10:50
big key.
10:51
It's not what you say, it's how you
10:57
say it.
10:58
That is the most important thing.
11:00
And then the most important thing above that
11:02
is what you don't say, body language, right?
11:06
Number 16, stop carrying old relationships into new
11:09
ones.
11:10
Don't constantly compare somebody with somebody else who
11:14
hurts you.
11:15
Well, you know, this person, don't do that.
11:17
A new relationship deserves a new clean slate,
11:19
the opportunity to become its own experience.
11:21
Don't try to categorize them into compartments.
11:26
It's just gonna make you upset.
11:28
And you know what?
11:30
They don't deserve that, and they may not
11:31
even go down that way.
11:35
Number 17, don't punish new people for somebody
11:39
else's mistakes.
11:40
I know a lot of people do, why
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are you doing it?
11:42
Well, I was hurt in the past.
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I get it.
11:46
That's not me.
11:47
Hold people accountable for their own behavior.
11:51
Don't require someone innocent to continually prove they're
11:54
different from somebody in your past.
11:57
But I see thousands of people doing this,
12:00
and then they're wondering why is this not
12:02
going where we want it to go?
12:11
I think that's something that a lot of
12:13
people get stuck on right now.
12:19
And maybe you're gonna say to me, John,
12:21
that's good, but then how do I change?
12:24
And I think you change by being the
12:27
person you need to be.
12:37
I think that's an important thing.
12:42
But we've got to be open to these
12:44
things, guys.
12:46
Number 18, please give yourself permission to experience
12:49
something different.
12:51
Different comes in a way that we may
12:55
not be familiar with, such as outcomes that
12:58
now are possible that we didn't expect.
13:00
Different relationships are possible.
13:02
The past gives you information, but it doesn't
13:04
have to become a prediction.
13:08
Number 19, your identity can be changed.
13:10
Your identity can evolve beyond what happened.
13:12
Who you became during your hardest period doesn't
13:15
have to be who you remain.
13:18
You're also allowed to change, grow, and become
13:20
more of who you are.
13:23
Number 20, stop telling the same painful story
13:27
as your definition.
13:28
Don't make it your go-to.
13:30
Tell your story, but don't stop at what
13:33
happened to you.
13:35
Include what you learned, what changed, what you
13:39
overcame, and then what you're able to build
13:41
afterwards.
13:43
See, those are the golden nuggets that most
13:45
people stop at.
13:45
They don't talk about that.
13:47
They just say, well, no, this didn't work
13:48
for me, so that's all I'm going to
13:49
do.
13:52
That's not smart, right?
13:57
I think sometimes people don't realize like the
14:03
whole concept.
14:06
And when I say the concept, I mean
14:08
like what people perceive, okay?
14:13
What people receive.
14:15
And that's something that I think can take
14:17
some time, right?
14:19
Number 21, tell the story of what you
14:21
built afterward.
14:23
Maybe you rebuilt confidence, new relationships, a career,
14:29
education, or a completely different life.
14:33
That's all part of your remarkable story.
14:37
Share it.
14:38
Number 22, let growth become louder than the
14:43
wound it's in.
14:44
Eventually, let your progress receive more attention than
14:47
your pain.
14:48
Let what you've created become louder than what
14:50
somebody destroyed.
14:53
And I know it's hard with a lot
14:55
of things going on in our world today,
14:57
but I'm here to tell you, you can
14:58
do this.
15:00
You absolutely can do this.
15:03
All right?
15:05
Belief is the king.
15:06
Number 23, you survived it, but survival isn't
15:09
where you have to stay.
15:11
Survival can be an incredible accomplishment, but eventually
15:14
you deserve more than simply getting through another
15:17
day.
15:19
Most people think if you get through the
15:20
day, that's all there is to it.
15:21
But guys, there's more than getting through the
15:24
day.
15:26
There's adapting to change, right?
15:31
And when we adapt to change, so much
15:33
can happen in our life.
15:42
I think that's an important piece for most
15:46
people to understand, right?
15:50
Survival can be incredible in the accomplishment that
15:53
it allows us, but eventually you deserve more
15:58
than simply getting through another day.
16:03
You need to be better than you were
16:07
before.
16:08
Number 24, move from surviving to rebuilding.
16:14
I know that's not easy in our world.
16:16
Ask what you want life to look like
16:19
now.
16:20
Start constructing instead of only protecting.
16:23
Put your energy into what comes next.
16:27
See, what we focus on, we bring about.
16:30
And for those of you who haven't been
16:31
with me for a while, that's something I
16:32
say all the time.
16:34
Our mind creates our reality, right?
16:38
But there's a delay between the mind and
16:42
actually showing up in real life.
16:43
That's the honest truth.
16:51
That's the honest truth.
16:53
And we can make a difference in our
16:56
life, guys.
16:57
We can make a difference, but we have
16:59
to intentionally choose that.
17:03
So number 25 says, move from rebuilding to
17:05
living.
17:07
Eventually, stop defining life by what you're repairing.
17:12
Experience today and the joy of it.
17:15
Enjoy the people, the situations, the surroundings.
17:19
Take the opportunities.
17:21
Live instead of continually recovering.
17:25
I think a lot of people are in
17:27
recovery mode because they're always ready to be
17:30
getting up when they should be focused on
17:33
staying up, right?
17:35
I think those are important things that a
17:38
lot of us don't realize.
17:41
And when I say people don't realize them,
17:44
they don't realize the pain that happens.
17:48
And that's a pretty big thing, guys, that
17:51
pain can basically prevent us from doing a
17:54
lot of things in our life.
17:56
Does that make sense?
18:04
But how?
18:06
The how comes with us applying who we
18:11
are to the current world.
18:14
And the world outside us is nothing more
18:17
than our perceptions.
18:20
Our perceptions become reality, guys.
18:22
Our thoughts become reality.
18:24
Thoughts become things.
18:26
Number 26, stop checking whether the past still
18:29
has power.
18:30
You don't need to test your healing every
18:33
day.
18:34
Constantly checking whether something still bothers you gives
18:36
it another piece of your attention.
18:39
Number 27, build enough of a future that
18:41
you stop staring backward, right?
18:45
Number 27, create goals, forge amazing relationships, experiences,
18:53
and possibilities worth looking toward.
18:57
Build a future more interesting than repeatedly examining
19:01
your past.
19:03
Some people I know examine their past because
19:05
they're not happy with their future.
19:06
Like, well, I'll just keep looking at my
19:07
past.
19:07
It's not gonna get you a better future,
19:10
okay?
19:11
That's important, guys.
19:13
Number 28, letting go doesn't mean it didn't
19:15
matter.
19:16
Something can matter deeply and still be released.
19:19
Letting go doesn't erase the experience of the
19:21
lesson.
19:21
It changes what you're choosing to carry.
19:25
Number 29, it means it no longer gets
19:31
to run your life.
19:34
The memory can always remain, guys.
19:37
It can always remain.
19:39
The lesson can remain.
19:41
The boundary can remain.
19:43
But the experience no longer gets to control
19:46
your identity and your decisions.
19:47
Let's talk about that for a minute.
19:48
So if you have someone in your life
19:50
and they're really driving you up a wall
19:52
or they're stressing you out, one thing you
19:55
need to do is detach from them.
19:59
When you detach from them physically, mentally, emotionally,
20:04
your life becomes easier.
20:06
It's like you took bricks or books out
20:08
of your book bag and it's a lot
20:12
lighter.
20:12
People think weight is just about how heavy
20:17
something is, but heaviness is not just weighed
20:21
in ounces, pounds, kilograms.
20:25
It's not.
20:26
Weight is also very strong.
20:29
We talk about emotions, okay?
20:33
So like I said, the memory can remain.
20:35
So can the lesson.
20:39
But don't let the experience control you anymore.
20:42
Don't let it build your identity, your decisions,
20:48
okay?
20:49
Whatever you attach to controls you.
20:52
Whatever you're detached to has no impact in
20:56
your life.
20:58
Number 30, let it go before what happened
21:02
becomes who you believe you are.
21:05
What happened is something you experienced.
21:07
It isn't who you are.
21:09
Keep the wisdom, but don't make the wound
21:12
your permanent identity.
21:14
And that's where I wanna leave you today
21:18
at the end of this amazing, powerful week
21:20
we've had here.
21:22
We talked about an awful lot, right?
21:25
We talked about carrying the past.
21:27
We say on your shoulders, that's proverbial, right?
21:29
We talked about that resentment that unfortunately is
21:32
there, and it's heavy.
21:35
Mental reruns that we keep playing over in
21:39
our mind.
21:40
Forgiveness, to forgive, not to forgive.
21:42
Trust, reactions, anger, ego, identity.
21:52
And then we take this, and every time
21:56
we have a new situation, we compare it
21:58
back to the way something was.
22:00
You may have needed a tougher, more guarded
22:03
version of yourself to survive something difficult.
22:05
I get that.
22:06
Respect what the version of you accomplished, but
22:08
ask whether that version still needs to run
22:11
in your life.
22:12
That software program or hardware needs to still
22:14
exist.
22:15
You can be wise without becoming cynical.
22:17
You can maintain boundaries without building walls around
22:21
your entire life.
22:24
You can remember what happened without expecting every
22:28
new person to repeat it.
22:31
And ladies and gentlemen, you can let go
22:35
without pretending it didn't matter.
22:41
Hard, right?
22:43
This stuff is heavier than any weight you
22:45
can carry.
22:47
Emotional weight is tough.
22:50
Your story doesn't end at the wound.
22:56
You can tell the story from the beginning,
22:58
tell the story of the challenges you went
22:59
through, and tell the story of the end.
23:01
Let's take my story about breaking my Tim
23:03
Fibb.
23:03
Now, I'm not gonna go into the whole
23:04
thing about that, but I share that in
23:05
my book, Drained to Driven.
23:08
I talk about how that put me through
23:10
burnout and how I recognized how to detect
23:14
burnout.
23:15
Because burnout can still pop up in your
23:17
life, and you've gotta recognize the signs.
23:21
Burnout takes the joy away from your life.
23:24
You know, I know so many people online
23:25
that say they're an expert on burnout.
23:27
Now, I'm not here to criticize, but if
23:30
somebody's just using those words, because they're great
23:34
buzzwords, but they haven't had a life experience
23:36
that really, let's say, matches that vibe, that's
23:44
just propaganda.
23:45
That's market, empty marketing.
23:47
Tell the story of what you built afterward.
23:51
Move from surviving to rebuilding.
23:53
Move from rebuilding to living.
23:56
Let what happened remain part of your history,
23:59
and let the lesson remain part of your
24:01
wisdom.
24:01
Don't throw that out.
24:03
Just get rid of the pain.
24:04
Just keep the lesson.
24:05
What hurt you is part of your story.
24:08
It does not get to decide who you
24:10
become in life.
24:12
If it does, you're giving control to it,
24:18
and you want your freedom, right?
24:23
If somebody's controlling you, and you feel it's
24:25
not working, detach from them physically, emotionally.
24:30
In some cases, you believe, like in my
24:31
religion, spiritually, too.
24:34
People will sense when you've detached from them.
24:38
You'll find that they're not hanging around you
24:40
anymore.
24:47
Like I said, what hurt you is part
24:48
of your story.
24:50
I wanna say this again.
24:51
It does not get to decide who you
24:54
become.
24:57
I know that's a very hard thing to
25:02
swallow, but I said to you that a
25:08
lot of this is not comfortable.
25:09
It's uncomfortable.
25:10
I didn't say painful, but I said uncomfortable.
25:13
When we start to realize the things we
25:15
need to change, things get a little uncomfortable.
25:22
I had someone the other day when I
25:24
started to point out to them something that
25:26
could help them, somebody I was friends with
25:29
for years.
25:31
They blocked me.
25:33
Now, I share this with you because somebody
25:38
I started building a friendship with, I cared
25:43
about.
25:45
But when somebody does that kind of thing,
25:48
they may not be emotionally mature enough, which
25:51
is fine, but I can't help someone.
25:54
I can't be friends with someone who's gonna
25:56
be that cynical to themselves and to me.
26:01
That's not a friendship, guys.
26:04
That's a sentence.
26:07
Person lost their job the other day.
26:09
I consoled them.
26:10
They did something that was not socially acceptable.
26:16
I posted some memes online.
26:21
The memes, whatever they were, I didn't get
26:23
into what they were, caused him to go
26:27
on a paid suspension from a major payroll
26:31
company.
26:33
Why?
26:35
Because complaints came in through, I believe it
26:38
was X, the old name, Twitter.
26:43
You might say, John, well, how did that
26:45
matter so much?
26:47
Even though the company's name wasn't in the
26:48
post, it wasn't, but they were able to
26:52
trace back his handle and look at it
26:56
on Facebook, find his profile is completely open.
27:03
And by being open, his securities were pretty
27:08
much down.
27:11
And they were able to find out where
27:13
he worked.
27:16
Therefore, the company now has exposure.
27:21
There's risk.
27:24
Impact times probability.
27:28
So the company decided just a day or
27:31
two ago to let him go.
27:37
Being very devastated about this, he contacted his
27:42
parents.
27:44
They got involved in the situation.
27:47
They contacted the company, and they said they're
27:49
gonna let him go, but they're gonna say
27:51
they terminated the position so he can get
27:52
a job somewhere else because they didn't wanna
27:54
have a legal nonsense matter.
27:56
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm John Seymour, at least
27:57
your entrepreneur.
27:57
This has been another powerful episode of Inspirations
28:00
for Your Life.
28:01
Thank you for spending this week with me.
28:03
Keep the lessons, keep growing, and don't let
28:06
what hurt you change who you are.
28:07
I'll see you in the next episode.
28:09
We have another powerful episode coming up tomorrow
28:12
with a brand new master topic.
28:14
Be well, everyone.
28:16
♪ Hey, hey, hey,
28:40
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
28:43
hey ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
28:49
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
28:51
♪