Latest / A recovering addict / A recovering addict

Transcript

A recovering addict · A recovering addict

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hi, my name is Lee Mills. I just wanted to
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: record this testimony of a recovering addict. I was raised
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: in the church from a very young age. I went
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: to church on Sundays, Wednesdays, Fridays for youth group and
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: crusaders and Even though I went to the church for
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: many years and was raised in it by my mother,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: I just didn't believe the stories or believe the Bible
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: or listen to the people really too much. I just,
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: I seen clicks in the church and it didn't really
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: agree with me and certain other things didn't agree with me,
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: but Uh, I just chose not to believe, uh, the
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: words of Christ or the Bible. And, uh, it turns
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: out when, uh, I was about 13, I ended up
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: playing a simple game of truth or dare with a
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: young boy my age. And, uh, it turned sexual and, uh,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: it opened up a door in my life to bisexuality and, uh,
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: It was a door that was very hard to close
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: in my life, but nothing is impossible for the Lord.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: And it plagued me for many years later. And it
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: was the sin that I hated the most, hated myself
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: the most for. And when I turned about 16, I
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: began a relationship with a girl And I lost my
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: virginity to her. And that opened up another door in
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: my life, being promiscuous with women and men. And because
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: I opened the door in those areas at such a
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: young age and began being very promiscuous, Those doors were
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: very hard to close and they left lasting effects on
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: my life. When I was about 19, I began smoking marijuana.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: I always said to myself that I would never smoke
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: a drink, a drug, or a cigarette. And I failed
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: in all three of those areas. A trusted friend introduced
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: me to the marijuana, and because I went along with
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: the crowd, and he said it was a good time
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: that I chose to try it out, and that was
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: another door that was very hard to close in my life.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: And I began smoking marijuana, and it would be like
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: once a month, And then it was once every two
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: or three weeks. And then it was once a week.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: And then it was all day every day. And I
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: began spending my money, all my money, on drugs. And
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: I was still being very promiscuous with men and women.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: And it went on from there. I just was totally...
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: put over to the flesh and I just would indulge
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: in any way that I could whether it be pornography
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: or sex with a woman or with a man and
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: drug addiction was very heavy in my life. I began
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: smoking cigarettes also and when I was about 22 I
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: ended up getting a tattoo and and that was another
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: door that I opened in my life. I enjoyed the
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: feeling of the gun on my skin. It was a
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: little bit of a release. I was already punishing myself
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: in other ways in my life, and I began punishing
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: myself with the pain of getting a tattoo, and when
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: I do something in this life, I do it full throttle.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: I go head first into it. And I just can't
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: stop myself. And at about 22, I ended up starting
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: to smoke crack cocaine. I tried another drug and opened
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: another door. And The first time I smoked crack cocaine,
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: I lost my breath for about 10 minutes. I couldn't speak.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: I tried, but it just wasn't possible. And the reason
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: I tried crack cocaine is I wanted to know why
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: people sold themselves on the street for this drug and
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: what was so good about it. And my curiosity got
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: the best of me, and I ended up trying it.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: And it was... It was unfortunate that I let myself
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: slide that much, but I ended up doing it and
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: it opened up another door in my life. And once
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: I began smoking crack cocaine constantly and marijuana, I swore
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: to myself that I would never try another drug in
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: my life. And I'm 47 now and I have only
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: tried the two drugs. because I knew I would multiply
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: my problems, and I didn't want to do that. But
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: when I was about 22 or 23, I was living
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: on my own, and a man ripped me off for
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: $ 80 worth of crack cocaine. And when I went to him,
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: I said, do you have my money or my crack?
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: And he said no, and what are you going to
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: do about it? So I went back to him about
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: three times. It was the same answer over and over.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: And then the fourth time I went back setting him
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: up with friends. And my friends asked me to bring
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: the Louisville Slugger, which is the bat. And I did.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Because I was very angry. And I just didn't care.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: And I set him up. I had them lead him
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: to me out back. And I went to him a
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: fourth time and asked him if he had my money
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: or my crack. And he said no. And what are
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: you going to do about it? And when he said that,
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: I just pretty much home run, swinged his head and
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: crushed his skull by about six to eight inches. And
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: when he went down, I thought I had killed him.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: And we got out of there and I left him
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: for dead. He ended up living, fortunately. But I went
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: home that night. And I felt so bad about what
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: I did that I prayed to God to let me
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: feel the pain that I put that man through or
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: kill me. And not even a week later, I had
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: an answer to prayer. And three men robbed me during
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: a bad drug deal. And they hit me in the
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: face with a lead bar and kicked me in the
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: face for 20 minutes. And when I got up, it
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: was like I could see triple and I was wobbling
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: all over the place and I opened my mouth and
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: it didn't feel attached on the left side so I'm
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: pretty sure I was positive my jaw was broken and
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: by the time I got to the hospital it looked
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: like a basketball sticking out of the side of my
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: face and I was talking through my teeth because my
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: jaw was swelled shut and I asked the doctor right
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: away is it broken and he said for sure it's
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: broken but we have to take x-rays. And they took
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: x-rays and it came back and he said, I don't
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: know how, but your jaw is not broken. And that
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: to me was an answer to prayer. My jaw was broken.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: I confirmed it by feeling it not attached. He confirmed
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: it by saying it was for sure broken. But he
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: didn't know how to explain it when the x-rays came back.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: And that to me was just the power of God
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: that he healed my broken jaw before the x-ray and
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: it does say in the word that all things work
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: together for good to those that love God and are
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: called according to his purpose that's not good things and
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: bad it's good things and bad things and God can
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: use someone else's sin to accomplish his goals and that
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: was the beginning of my walk with Christ that answered
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: prayer I still wasn't born again. I went on for
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: a while longer in my drug addiction and sexual addiction.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: And after a period of time, I was in a
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: crack binge, and I felt the weight of my sin.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: I knew that if I was to die tonight, that
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: I would go to hell. And it would be justified
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: because I was a sinner. And I ended up starting
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: to read the word, the Bible. And I came to
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: be born again. I repented of my sin. I changed
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: my mind about my sin. And I put my faith
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: and trust in Christ to save me. I came just
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: as I was. And... He began to work on me
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: and show me things through his word and through prayer
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: and through other people in the Lord. And it hasn't
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: been a perfect journey. I am constantly learning. And I
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: ended up being so addicted to the tattoos that I
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: have over 100 now but when I was about 27, 28,
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: because of my walk with the Lord and because of
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: His power, He delivered me from the homosexuality, and I
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: no longer partake in that. I've been totally delivered of it.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: I haven't had an experience with it in about 20 years,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: and I feel better about it because I hated myself
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: the most for it. And that was one thing that
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: I had to get over was hating myself. And eventually
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: the Lord did deliver me of that also. I am
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: a part of a recovery program called Celebrate Recovery. And
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: it helps me work on my hurts, hangups and habits.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: It is a 12-step program, and they're not there to
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: fix you or recommend things to you. It's Christ who
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: does the fixing, and we just have to allow Him
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: to work in our lives through the 12 steps and
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: through biblical comparisons that go along with each step, and
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: then We're believing in him to do the fixing because
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: it's him who does the sanctification. And I now have...
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: I have now quit getting tattoos. I am in unfinished work.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: We are all in unfinished work. And I will be
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: in unfinished work until the day I die. And even
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: though I'm not perfect... I do press on towards perfection.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: I read the Bible constantly. I read good books. I
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: read good sermons. I do have a little bit of
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: a ministry with the homeless around my area. And daily
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: I'm working on I haven't had a relationship with a
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: lady in a number of years. And I am constantly
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: working on my sexual immorality with myself and lust. It's
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: a daily struggle. I do still struggle with tobacco, but
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: I have over one year and one month clean of
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: the drugs. I do believe that this is the last
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: time that I'm going back to it. I can't say
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: that for sure, but I'd like to I'd like to
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: think that this is, it's over for me. And as
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: long as I stay in the word and stay in
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: prayer and stay in recovery, it will be. And I
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: believe that the Lord can do that for you if
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: that's what you're struggling with. He's done it for me.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: He's delivered me of so much and forgiven me of
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: so much. And I'm just thankful. that I'm still here
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: and able to even just share this testimony with you.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: And I hope and pray that this testimony was a
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: blessing to you and that it can help you in
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: some way to receive hope from the Lord because He
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: is our only hope in this life. And I pray
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: blessings on you today and I just hope and pray
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: for your recovery from all things, and that we should
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: press on towards perfection every day, even though we will
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: not be perfect. But it's okay to press on towards perfection,
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: just like Paul said. And I thank you and give
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: all the glory to God for what he's done in
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: my life and what he can do in yours. Thanks.