Latest / FINE is a 4-Letter Word / 22. (S1E22) Move Your Bananas To The Belt And Say Goodbye To Anxiety with Stephanie Dalfonzo

Transcript

22. (S1E22) Move Your Bananas To The Belt And Say Goodbye To Anxiety with Stephanie Dalfonzo · FINE is a 4-Letter Word

• 0:01
  Lori Saitz: Hello, and welcome to Fine is a 4-Letter Word. I'm
• 0:05
  here today with my guest Stephanie Dalfonzo. And I am
• 0:10
  very happy to have you here.
• 0:13
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Move your bananas to the belt to listen to
• 0:16
  your messages, press one. Lori, I was the original automated
• 0:22
  voice back in the 1980s when I was celebrity radio DJ Stevie
• 0:26
  Knox, and back then I hypnotized my listeners to come back could
• 0:31
  listen day after day. For the past 16 years. I've literally
• 0:35
  used my voice to hypnotize my clients to make incredible life
• 0:40
  changes. How fun is that?
• 0:45
  Lori Saitz: Oh, now Okay, this has never happened before where
• 0:50
  it's completely locked up.
• 0:54
  Wow. Hang on.
• 0:57
  Oh, are you back? I'm back. Okay, it completely locked up
• 1:02
  and I don't know what happened.
• 1:04
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: And this is I swear, it's me. I had a very
• 1:10
  weird video exchange with somebody the other day and we
• 1:14
  could not explain it.
• 1:16
  Lori Saitz: Alright, well, let's try this again. Okay. Did you
• 1:19
  like that though? I did like that. Okay. All right. Welcome
• 1:24
  to Fine is a 4-Letter Word. My guest today is Stephanie
• 1:27
  Dalfonzo. And I am thrilled to have you with us today,
• 1:31
  Stephanie. Welcome.
• 1:33
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Move your bananas to the belt. To listen
• 1:36
  to your messages, Press one. Lori literally, I was the
• 1:40
  original automated voice back in the 1980s when I was celebrity
• 1:44
  radio DJ Stevie Knox. Back then, I hypnotized my listeners to
• 1:50
  come back day after day. For the past 16 years. I've literally
• 1:54
  used my voice as an integrative hypnotist, to hypnotize my
• 1:58
  clients to make incredible life changes. How fun is that?
• 2:02
  Lori Saitz: It's so fun. And I have the biggest grin on my face
• 2:05
  right now. If you're just listening to the audio, you
• 2:08
  can't see but trust me, it's there. You just crack me up.
• 2:13
  That's why I'm so excited to get into this conversation with you.
• 2:18
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Well, good laughter is the best medicine.
• 2:20
  So why not laugh? Right?
• 2:22
  Lori Saitz: Yeah, it completely is. Let's start with what with?
• 2:27
  Where, where you came from? before you became the the famous
• 2:34
  Stevie Knox? What were the what were the beliefs and values that
• 2:39
  were instilled in you as a child?
• 2:42
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: So I didn't have the happiest childhood. But
• 2:45
  long, long, long before anybody was talking about law of
• 2:49
  attraction, or at least long before I heard them say anything
• 2:52
  about law of attraction. When I was 14 years old. I knew I was
• 2:57
  going to be a radio DJ, dad. Oh, yes. At 14 years old. And I will
• 3:03
  tell you, I for many reasons, I am seriously part of the lucky
• 3:07
  to be alive club, not the least of which that when I was 17
• 3:11
  years old, I was thin. I had this long hair, I was
• 3:14
  attractive. And I was hitchhiking to get to the train
• 3:18
  station. So I could go to downtown Philadelphia and hang
• 3:21
  out at the radio station. And so I decided I want it to be the
• 3:27
  next Maureen Flaherty. So I saw a pic article on her and the
• 3:33
  Philadelphia Inquirer. And here's this picture of her thin
• 3:36
  long flowy hair, queuing up a vinyl record. And I can say that
• 3:40
  now because they're coming back so people do what they are. And
• 3:45
  flash forward a few years. I'm on the radio down in South
• 3:48
  Florida. And I'm in the newspaper with a picture of me
• 3:52
  thin, long flowy hair queuing up a vinyl record. And I had never
• 3:56
  heard of the law of attraction. And so I just like I knew I was
• 4:00
  going to do that. And
• 4:02
  Lori Saitz: I did. That's amazing. But how did you like
• 4:06
  what were their values that were instilled in you as you were
• 4:09
  growing up that gave you the the incentive to picture yourself
• 4:15
  doing that? Or like what No, why is it not?
• 4:20
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: It's a really good question, because
• 4:22
  I've never really delved into this. But it was not that I had,
• 4:25
  you know, good values instilled in me. It was radio for me was
• 4:30
  my escape, right? Again, dysfunctional family. And the
• 4:35
  radio was like calgon Take me away. And so you know, and then
• 4:40
  I never, like nobody said, Oh, yeah, you could do this. You can
• 4:45
  do this. I was just like, I never saw anything in my way. I
• 4:50
  was able to do a an internship in my senior year of high school
• 4:54
  at one of the radio stations and then I was able to talk myself
• 4:58
  into being hired as the recepionist, and I was not
• 5:02
  equipped. I was not equipped. I was not taught like how to be a
• 5:05
  good employee. I had no secretarial skills. So I ended
• 5:10
  up getting fired from that job. And I went, got my job as a
• 5:13
  secretary at another radio station. And I was told, well,
• 5:17
  you don't start on the radio in Philadelphia. So I went down to
• 5:21
  South Florida to my my boyfriend had moved down there to live
• 5:25
  with his father. Man, I'd never seen tropics. I mean, it was
• 5:29
  like it was having gone down in the wintertime. So I came back
• 5:33
  and I asked my boss, hey, do you think I could get on the radio
• 5:36
  down there? And he said, Yeah, so I took it as a vote of
• 5:38
  confidence. I packed up what little I own, I drove down with
• 5:42
  my vinyl records on in the car topper on top of my car. And
• 5:46
  sure enough, I got myself on the radio. Years later, I connected
• 5:51
  with my boss again. And he was like, Well, no, I didn't really
• 5:55
  think you could do it. I just didn't care if you stayed or
• 5:56
  left.
• 5:57
  Lori Saitz: Wow, that's amazing how when you don't know what you
• 6:02
  can't do? Exactly, you can do it. And it's also interesting to
• 6:08
  note that you had a female role model, because there weren't a
• 6:11
  lot on the radio back in the day. Now, almost all of them
• 6:16
  were men, and but you found a woman, and then said, Oh, if she
• 6:20
  can do it, I can do it.
• 6:22
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Exactly. And this is, you know, again,
• 6:24
  nobody's told me about the law of attraction. But then, you
• 6:26
  know, years later, I'm looking back on. That is totally law of
• 6:30
  attraction, huh?
• 6:32
  Lori Saitz: Yeah. Yeah. So fast forward a couple years. So how
• 6:37
  many years did you spend in radio?
• 6:39
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: 15.
• 6:40
  Lori Saitz: Okay. Voiceover stuff on the side.
• 6:43
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Yeah, yeah. Because I had planned on
• 6:46
  starting my side hustle. And again, I had nobody telling me,
• 6:50
  you know, you can do a side hustle. I never heard of this
• 6:52
  side hustle. But I was like, Well, okay, I can get paid to do
• 6:56
  radio and TV commercials. So let me build a business. So that
• 7:00
  when I have kids, I don't have to work full time anymore. And
• 7:03
  then circumstances as they were, I ended up not being able to. To
• 7:08
  do that. I had to go back to work full time. But I still had
• 7:12
  this side, hustle going, I did radio and TV commercials. And
• 7:15
  that's when I did this first automated voice. And who could
• 7:19
  have known, you know, we had no idea where this technology was
• 7:22
  going. And here we are, all these years later. And I think,
• 7:25
  wow, I was really like ahead of the curve there.
• 7:28
  Lori Saitz: Yeah. How did you get that gig?
• 7:31
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: It was just, you know, this guy who I did,
• 7:35
  voiceover work for said, you know, can you do this? And so,
• 7:39
  you know, it's pretty much the same thing as a commercial. It's
• 7:41
  just literally I'm in the studio saying, move your, and then I'm
• 7:45
  going down the list alphabetically. Avocados,
• 7:49
  asparagus, banana.
• 7:52
  Lori Saitz: Every time I go to the grocery store, now I'm gonna
• 7:55
  think of you. I know I love every time because I do the self
• 7:59
  checkout, because it's just faster.
• 8:01
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Right? Right. But do you know how many
• 8:03
  people don't do the self checkout? I've had so many
• 8:06
  people who are like, Alright, I get the messages. But what's
• 8:09
  what's this? Move your banana to the belt?
• 8:12
  Lori Saitz: Ah, that's interesting. Well, that's just
• 8:15
  as well because then it It keeps the line shorter for me. Yeah,
• 8:19
  there you go. So how long so you were in South Florida? Is that
• 8:26
  where you met your husband?
• 8:27
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Yes, he he actually hired me. We are the
• 8:32
  you know, you're not supposed to have a relationship with
• 8:34
  somebody who's above you. Well, it happened and we are about to
• 8:39
  hit our 37th anniversary. Oh my god something really something
• 8:43
  worked.
• 8:43
  Lori Saitz: Thank you. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so tell me tell me
• 8:47
  some of that story. I mean, you you told me but share it with
• 8:50
  our listeners as well when once you got how to backup you can
• 9:00
  cut this part out to Greg okay. So after once you how long we
• 9:07
  did you stay in radio for after you got married? Because then
• 9:11
  you started having a family and you said then you had to go back
• 9:15
  and work full time.
• 9:16
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Yeah. So I stayed in radio I, you know, I
• 9:20
  look back now and think Hmm, okay, I would probably do that
• 9:23
  differently. But when we got married, you know, radio was an
• 9:27
  is a very transient industry. And I said, Okay, my career will
• 9:30
  follow yours. And so, okay, we ended up in Portland, Oregon,
• 9:35
  which is where I did my last show and that was doing the
• 9:38
  morning show. And that's when I learned about insomnia and I
• 9:43
  found myself literally at my kitchen counter, losing my * on
• 9:49
  a bag of Cheetos because I was
• 9:53
  Lori Saitz: Just picturing this knife, like stabbing a bag of
• 9:58
  Cheetos.
• 9:59
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: It was my fist. So kids weren't in danger,
• 10:01
  but I just, I lost it. And I share that with you. It's not my
• 10:05
  my finest moment. But I share that with people. So they
• 10:09
  understand that it's not me talking about oh, I wrote this
• 10:12
  book, goodbye anxiety, hello, freedom. Because I'm the anxiety
• 10:16
  expert. It's I learned how to be the anxiety expert out of
• 10:20
  necessity. I didn't know until this happened. That was a
• 10:25
  defining moment in my life, I did not know I had struggled
• 10:28
  with anxiety my entire life. I thought it was normal to walk
• 10:32
  around with my shoulders like earrings, and to worry, but not
• 10:36
  just worry about anything and everything. I always went to the
• 10:39
  worst case scenario, my husband would be traveling on a business
• 10:42
  trip. Oh my god, what if the plane crashes? And you know, all
• 10:46
  that worry. So when I went to the doctor for the insomnia,
• 10:50
  they said, Well, that's because of your anxiety. I was like,
• 10:54
  What? So I went on prescription medication, and it worked for a
• 10:57
  short time, and then it stopped. And so it was, you know,
• 11:02
  spiraling out of control even more. So then, I started looking
• 11:05
  for holistic ways, like alright, I'm not going to look for ways
• 11:08
  outside me, I'm going to look for how can I find ways to you
• 11:13
  know, live a better life. And the first thing I learned was
• 11:17
  EFT, Emotional Freedom Techniques, which most people
• 11:20
  know about now, tapping, but this was back in the mid 90s. I
• 11:24
  now am a stay at home mom. And I'm saying, Oh my gosh, you know
• 11:29
  what, I learned this new tapping technique and, and people's eyes
• 11:32
  are glazing over like, Oh, okay. So I'm done with my last radio
• 11:38
  job. I've learned the EFT we move cross country to
• 11:42
  Connecticut, where we are now. And I had two choices. As far as
• 11:47
  my career, I could work for the local station for minimum wage.
• 11:51
  I had much too big an ego to do that like that.
• 11:54
  Lori Saitz: Well, you had been to bigger places. Right? Why
• 11:57
  would you do that? Yeah.
• 11:58
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Right. Well, but the other choice was, I'm
• 12:01
  about two hours outside New York City. Oh, but then if I did that
• 12:05
  somebody else would be raising my kids. So I said, All right,
• 12:08
  I'll stay home. Well, then we found out my husband went into
• 12:11
  liver failure and needed a liver transplant or he was going to
• 12:14
  die. Okay, now what? All right, yeah. But now I there was a
• 12:19
  really, really serious chance that he was going to die. And
• 12:24
  how was I going to raise these kids now?
• 12:27
  Lori Saitz: How old were they at that time?
• 12:29
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Oh, they were young. They were still
• 12:31
  early elementary school. Actually, I think my daughter,
• 12:33
  they were both still in elementary school. I don't
• 12:35
  remember the age, the grades. So I was like, Okay, what do I do
• 12:41
  this is in the early 2000s, like 2001. And still, the internet
• 12:46
  was pretty new technology. But I found out I could go to school
• 12:50
  to be a life coach over the internet. And so I was like, oh,
• 12:55
  okay, so I can do that and then just occasional in persons. And
• 12:59
  now I've started noticing that Gary Craig, the founder of EFT
• 13:02
  in his newsletters would talk about these practitioners who
• 13:06
  were doing EFT. And they were doing hypnosis, as I think I
• 13:11
  need to go look into hypnosis is pretty cool stuff. So I looked
• 13:16
  and trainings I found in Connecticut where two days, like
• 13:20
  God is two days school and you're like, I was like, what,
• 13:26
  two days? No, I don't think so. So I followed my intuition,
• 13:30
  which again, like my, you know, the law of attraction, I didn't
• 13:34
  really know about my intuition at that point. But I had a
• 13:37
  little nudge to go check out this woman in New York City. And
• 13:42
  that was the best thing I could have ever done. Because on that
• 13:46
  first day, she's brilliant. Anybody I've trained with since
• 13:49
  then, can't hold a candle to her. And the first day Lori, I
• 13:55
  felt like the skies opened the heavens were singing. And
• 13:59
  because I really felt in my heart. It was like, Ah, this is
• 14:03
  what I've been called to do. And so before that was over, I hope
• 14:08
  Yes, it's like nothing else. And before the course was over, she
• 14:13
  couldn't believe I had rented an office. I had had a website,
• 14:18
  which, you know, that was big back then. brochures and
• 14:21
  business cards. I was just like, full on let's let's go and I
• 14:26
  knew it. I knew it in the depths of my soul.
• 14:29
  Lori Saitz: That is, that is when you know, you're when you
• 14:35
  know you're on the right path, what you felt from when you
• 14:37
  first met her. And then you didn't question anything of any
• 14:42
  of the other downloads. You were getting any of the other
• 14:45
  inspired action. You were taking you were all in, you know,
• 14:50
  Napoleon Hill talks about in his book thinking Grow Rich, about
• 14:55
  the burning desire and being fully committed. And that's when
• 14:59
  when The heavens heaven and earth, the whatever the universe
• 15:03
  starts moving in your favor, is when you are all in fully
• 15:07
  committed. This is what I'm doing, even when it's scary,
• 15:10
  although it sounds like it maybe wasn't that scary for you,
• 15:13
  because you just had this feeling like, I'm doing this,
• 15:16
  but even then sometimes it still feels scary.
• 15:19
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Um, at the beginning of didn't, I just was
• 15:23
  like, you know, same thing with the radio, it was just like,
• 15:25
  Okay, I'm gonna do this, and I knew I was gonna do it and let
• 15:29
  nothing come in my way. Then, you know, as I got into doing
• 15:34
  this, and I'm witnessing miracles, Lori, like, I'm like,
• 15:39
  witnessing miracles you mean in your clients? Uh huh. Yeah,
• 15:43
  yeah. I mean, to see these miracles happen. And I started
• 15:48
  getting imposter syndrome because like, Alright, wait, did
• 15:52
  I really help them do that? And I know your listeners can't see
• 15:57
  this. But I don't know if I showed you this the other day,
• 15:59
  Lori. This is a picture I'm showing a picture of Sarah
• 16:03
  skydiving out of an airplane. Oh, yeah. And she came to me for
• 16:08
  her crippling fear of flying. Now she's skydiving, the whole
• 16:15
  trajectory of her life changed at 19 years old when she came to
• 16:19
  me for this crippling fear of flying. She went on to build a
• 16:22
  very successful business as the five foot traveler. You can go
• 16:28
  to her website and see on her homepage, it said, I had a
• 16:32
  crippling fear of flying. And so that is like one of the most
• 16:36
  powerful things I can share with you and your listeners is,
• 16:40
  that's what's possible. Right? So I'm witnessing these
• 16:44
  miracles. And I'm thinking, Wait, was that me? Like? Did I
• 16:49
  really do that? And at the beginning of my hypnosis
• 16:53
  journey, it was I was all about empowering the client. You did
• 16:57
  this? You did this, you did this. And because I was trying
• 17:00
  to make them feel empowered. And then I finally learned at some
• 17:04
  point it was, no, it's not them doing it. It's not me doing it.
• 17:10
  It's us co creating it. Yeah, right. Yeah. And so I think that
• 17:15
  that's a more empowering approach for the client.
• 17:18
  Lori Saitz: Right? You're channeling this energy, they're
• 17:21
  open to receiving it. And you are co creating this miracle, as
• 17:26
  you said, yeah.
• 17:28
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Yeah. And it really is about channeling
• 17:31
  because, for me, when I like really saw like, I was already
• 17:36
  really, I was already really good at what I do. Melissa said,
• 17:41
  you know, this is just like, this is who you are, this is
• 17:44
  your natural, God given talents. But I still, you know, I still
• 17:49
  had to stick to that structure. Alright, first, would we sit
• 17:52
  here on the couch, and we do this. And then we move over to
• 17:56
  the hypno chair. And then at some point, I did a trust fall.
• 18:00
  And it was just like, you know what, let me just come into the
• 18:03
  moment. And when I came in, started coming into the moment,
• 18:08
  even more miracles were happening, and like the magic
• 18:11
  was just off the charts. And so I've been working virtually for
• 18:16
  five and a half years now. So I was definitely ahead of the
• 18:18
  curve, the world finally caught up to me a year and a half ago.
• 18:21
  Because you can't do hypnosis, you know, not in person? Oh,
• 18:25
  yes, you can? Of course, because energy doesn't have barriers.
• 18:31
  Correct? Correct. And so before I am getting on a client call, I
• 18:38
  am saying okay, for my angels and guides, please go connect
• 18:41
  with their angels and guides. Let me be that open channel. And
• 18:47
  it's pretty amazing.
• 18:49
  Lori Saitz: Yeah. Is there something that you do to keep
• 18:54
  that channel open?
• 18:57
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Just keep coming into the present moment.
• 18:59
  And I've learned that, you know, that's where I am spiritually,
• 19:03
  is. Let's get the present moment. Right. And so, it's
• 19:08
  certainly with my clients, but it's also reminding myself, I
• 19:13
  am, I am, I am. Keep coming back into the present moment. And for
• 19:21
  your listeners, you know, we're all struggling with something,
• 19:24
  you know, none of us get through this life unscathed. And so
• 19:27
  what, whatever it is, you might be going through right now, if I
• 19:31
  would say, take one step, it would be, come to your breath,
• 19:35
  come to the present moment. I have a thing on my wall, short
• 19:39
  moments of calm many times a day. COVID hit and I scratched
• 19:44
  out a day and changed it to short moments of calm many times
• 19:47
  an hour. Because when we can, when we can interrupt the stress
• 19:52
  patterns. And, you know, I think collectively for a year and a
• 19:56
  half now, globally. We've all had our foot press down as hard
• 20:00
  as we can on the accelerator, and we have to let up at points.
• 20:05
  Lori Saitz: Yeah, I think one of the questions that might be
• 20:08
  going through my listeners heads as it's going through mine is,
• 20:11
  you talked about having anxiety. And and now, you're completely
• 20:18
  an open channel. Connect those dots for me.
• 20:22
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: That's a fabulous question. So, when I
• 20:26
  was living in anxiety, and not knowing it, it's almost like
• 20:32
  there was a, like an electric charge, always running in the
• 20:37
  background. And as I have gone, you know, once I was always a
• 20:44
  spiritual seeker, and you know, I just wasn't hadn't found where
• 20:48
  I could land yet. And then somebody that I met in the
• 20:50
  hypnosis training helped open up some other avenues for me. And
• 20:54
  so I've learned about getting present in my life. I'm also a
• 21:00
  devout Yogi. I'm a yoga teacher, that doesn't teach yoga. I
• 21:04
  wanted to learn to deepen my practice. But it is so important
• 21:08
  to come into the present moment, because I think it was Lao Tzu
• 21:13
  said, centuries ago, anxiety is worrying about what's in the
• 21:17
  future depression is mulling over what's in the past. And
• 21:22
  it's kind of it's my philosophy. It's not that I'm saying it has
• 21:25
  to be everybody's truth. But truth for me is, the only moment
• 21:30
  that really counts is this one.
• 21:33
  Lori Saitz: So when you learn that and you started practicing
• 21:36
  that, that's when your anxieties started easing up, and you found
• 21:40
  yourself being more open to the present moment into channeling
• 21:44
  this energy?
• 21:46
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Yes, and I would say that it started back
• 21:48
  when I first learned EFT because EFT for anybody who doesn't know
• 21:53
  It's short for Emotional Freedom Techniques, you may know what is
• 21:56
  tapping. And it's like acupuncture without needles, and
• 22:00
  you self apply it. So Oh, you're having a rough time. You don't
• 22:05
  have to call make an appointment, drive over to the
• 22:08
  acupuncturist, you can just start tapping on the certain
• 22:11
  points and get relief. And so as I would get that relief, it
• 22:16
  would allow me to come back into the present moment, instead of
• 22:19
  oh my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, when I'm in this
• 22:22
  present moment, everything's pretty good. One of the
• 22:25
  techniques in my book, and they're all very simple, they're
• 22:28
  35 in the book, and they're in alphabetical order, for a
• 22:32
  reason, because I don't want you to have to read this whole short
• 22:36
  book, I want you to just peruse, get two or three of those
• 22:40
  techniques and action them. And one of them is and I will ask
• 22:45
  you this, I'm gonna ask you this is a question wants you to
• 22:47
  answer it, Lori? Okay. What's what's right right now? that
• 22:53
  we're having this beautiful conversation? Yeah. Yes. And so,
• 22:59
  literally, we can make that into a practice, we can make that
• 23:03
  into a game if we have small children. Okay, what's right
• 23:07
  right now, because in this moment, everything's right. And
• 23:12
  I'll tell you a funny little backstory to that was, shortly
• 23:17
  before I was about to publish my book, I went to another author's
• 23:20
  book signing, and I didn't know what her book was about. I just
• 23:24
  knew, you know, wanted to have the conversation. And she had us
• 23:28
  do this exercise of what's not wrong. Now, as a hypnotist, and
• 23:34
  a neuro linguistic programmer, I'm always paying attention to
• 23:38
  our language. Yeah, what we say matters. Well, hmm. Little known
• 23:45
  fact, our subconscious mind deletes the negatives, right. So
• 23:49
  if you tell your child don't touch the hot stove, they touch
• 23:53
  the hot stove and you like it. What they heard and processed
• 23:58
  was touch the hot stove. So she's got us doing this
• 24:02
  practice. And I'm like, what's not wrong? You're queuing What's
• 24:06
  wrong? So I go home. And I find out from Amazon, that I need a
• 24:11
  couple more pages in my book to be able to print the spine of my
• 24:15
  book. Yes. 100 pages, I believe. Right. I did not know that. And
• 24:20
  I think I needed two more pages. So what's right right now. And
• 24:26
  so I encourage people to do that. You know, if you buddy up
• 24:30
  with a friend and say, All right, let's start playing this
• 24:32
  what's right right now game? Because in this moment,
• 24:35
  everything's right. Yeah, right. When we can turn out tune out
• 24:40
  all of the noise of what's going on around us and focus on Hey,
• 24:44
  I'm sitting here having a lovely conversation with my new friend
• 24:48
  Lori. And I have a fan blowing on me because I don't have AC in
• 24:53
  this room. But I have that nice fan blowing on me. I know I have
• 24:57
  a pantry full of food. I know my husband and I And our kids are
• 25:00
  healthy and safe. It then leads you into some interesting stuff
• 25:06
  where the act of looking for gratitude drops your cortisol
• 25:11
  stress hormones by 23%. Yeah, 23% that's just looking for
• 25:16
  something to be grateful for. When you go to the feeling
• 25:20
  place, not the thinking place, but the feeling place of
• 25:23
  gratitude. It makes your body produce dopamine and serotonin,
• 25:28
  which are the happy hormones.
• 25:30
  Lori Saitz: You are speaking my language sister.
• 25:32
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Good, good, good. And so it's so simple. But
• 25:36
  our society is, oh, if you're going to make changes, it's got
• 25:41
  to be big and hard, and, and it's gonna hurt. And I'm here to
• 25:45
  tell you now. It doesn't. None of it has to be it doesn't have
• 25:49
  to be hard. It doesn't have to take a long time. And by all
• 25:52
  means, it doesn't have to hurt. Yeah, you know, we we all have
• 25:56
  experienced traumas in life, whether they're big t traumas,
• 26:01
  and we can, you know, it automatically know what those
• 26:04
  are, or small t traumas. The small t traumas on the surface
• 26:09
  look like, what's the big deal, but they become a big deal when
• 26:14
  they're not addressed. Are you familiar with the aces? adverse
• 26:18
  childhood experiences?
• 26:20
  Lori Saitz: I'm not.
• 26:22
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Oh, my gosh, I was absolutely thrilled.
• 26:25
  thrilled that three days before my book published, where I talk
• 26:29
  about aces or Adverse Childhood Experiences study, Oprah was on
• 26:33
  60 minutes talking about this. And I mean, 17,000 people were
• 26:40
  in this research study was by Kaiser Permanente, which is a
• 26:43
  health care company and the CDC Centers for Disease Control.
• 26:47
  17,000 is a robust study, right. So this is not just some fly by
• 26:51
  night. It was done in the 1990s. But it didn't come to light till
• 26:56
  a couple of years ago. And it's mind blowing you and your
• 27:00
  listeners can go just do a Google search for add an ACE
• 27:05
  quiz. And it's 10 simple questions. Did you experience
• 27:09
  this? This this before the age of 10. And it talks about you
• 27:12
  know, abuse, your mother being abused, loss of a parent to
• 27:17
  death or incarceration? This is not one you want to score high
• 27:22
  on right, but right overachiever that I am I scored very high on
• 27:26
  it. Okay, the higher you score on this quiz, the direct
• 27:31
  correlation to dis ease later in your life, heart disease,
• 27:36
  obesity, depression, suicide attempts, addiction. So, okay,
• 27:42
  oh, you score high here, this is going to happen. What I'm here
• 27:45
  to tell you is you can circumvent it, and you can heal
• 27:49
  that trauma. So sometimes, like, so I'm thinking about that many
• 27:55
  clients with fear of highway driving. And many times, it's
• 28:00
  very common thing to me is, first of all, they think they're
• 28:02
  alone. They don't know how many people have a fear of highway
• 28:05
  driving. But then it many times turns out to be maybe they're
• 28:10
  five years old. And they're in the backseat of the car. And
• 28:13
  dad's driving and has a panic attack and has to pull over and
• 28:17
  mom has to change seats with him and drive. And so that happens
• 28:21
  at five years old, and looks like what's the big deal? Right?
• 28:25
  Then there are similar situations throughout life that
• 28:28
  makes that gets stronger and stronger and stronger, until
• 28:32
  it's so big that you'd like I have to do something about it.
• 28:35
  So I love doing that work. Because I am an excellent
• 28:39
  detective, at being able to find where those root causes are. And
• 28:43
  be it's so gentle and so easy to heal that and not create amnesia
• 28:49
  for it. But to take the sting out of it. It no longer has the
• 28:52
  charge.
• 28:53
  Lori Saitz: Right. Take away the power from it.
• 28:55
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Yes, exactly. Yeah.
• 28:56
  Lori Saitz: Now because because this podcast is called Fine is a
• 29:00
  4-Letter Word, there was a time in your life. When everything
• 29:03
  was fine. And you were telling everybody it was fine. And it
• 29:08
  wasn't fine. Yeah, it was fine. Yeah. Tell me tell me a little
• 29:12
  bit about that story.
• 29:14
  Yes, um, when my husband was going in and out of liver
• 29:18
  failure, he it was over a dozen times before he had his
• 29:21
  transplant. And I was telling everybody, I was fine. Oh, I'm
• 29:26
  fine. No, I've got this. And I wasn't you know, I was falling
• 29:30
  apart on the inside because oh, my gosh, I was really faced with
• 29:34
  the fact that my husband might die. And every time he went into
• 29:37
  liver failure, Lori, he was inches from death. And I will
• 29:41
  pat myself on the back. I they told me how to help him through
• 29:46
  it. And I brought him back and I brought him back and I brought
• 29:48
  him back. So I'm telling everybody, oh, I'm fine. I'm
• 29:51
  fine. I'm fine. And then after he had the transplant,
• 29:55
  successful transplant, oh my gosh, are we grateful for that?
• 29:58
  That's what I like. fell apart, because I had been trying to
• 30:03
  keep up this facade. And I think that fine is one of those masks
• 30:08
  that we wear. Right, right. And I find it very interesting that
• 30:12
  at this point in my life, when in the past couple of years,
• 30:15
  I've just kind of said, EFF the masks, right, the invisible
• 30:19
  masks. We can now we're now we're wearing. And now we're
• 30:25
  actually wearing physical masks. Yeah, that timing for me is
• 30:29
  interesting.
• 30:29
  Crazy. It's crazy. So did you know those techniques? So you,
• 30:33
  you were telling everybody, everything's fine? You were
• 30:36
  holding it all together? Because you felt like you didn't? I
• 30:39
  mean, really? Where was the choice you had to right? But you
• 30:44
  That was before you found EFT? Or was it after?
• 30:48
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: No, it was after? And had I not had the
• 30:51
  tools that I had at that time? I probably would have ended up
• 30:55
  somewhere very dark.
• 30:57
  Lori Saitz: Okay. So even though you had the tools, it still was
• 31:03
  this, this place where you didn't want anybody to know,
• 31:06
  especially me, especially because you had the tools.
• 31:08
  You're like, well, I got these tools. I can't tell people I'm
• 31:10
  falling apart. Because I got these, then they'll question the
• 31:13
  tools.
• 31:14
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Well, it was more for my kids. Yeah, no,
• 31:17
  pretending like everything was fine. And bottom line. Alright,
• 31:22
  so I wrote the book, goodbye, anxiety, hello, freedom. Does it
• 31:25
  mean I don't experience anxiety? No, of course I do. It's part of
• 31:30
  the human condition. Right? What is so important is falling a
• 31:35
  little out of balance and coming back falling a little out of
• 31:38
  balance and come back. Right. And so honestly, if I didn't
• 31:43
  have the tools that I have, I would have been in a very dark
• 31:47
  place. But I don't I really don't recommend fine, because
• 31:52
  it's not.
• 31:53
  Lori Saitz: Yeah, that's a really good point that you're
• 31:55
  making, though, is that even with tools, tools are going to
• 31:59
  help you get through it. But that doesn't mean you're not
• 32:01
  still going to face challenges.
• 32:04
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Yeah. If as long as we're alive, we're going
• 32:08
  to face challenges. Yeah, it's just part of right, human. Yeah.
• 32:12
  And so, you know, the wisdom that I know now from telling
• 32:15
  everybody I was fine, it was fine. I was fine, is that it
• 32:18
  wasn't healthy for me. And then conversely, there's another
• 32:22
  little piece to this, Lori, is I learned that when people were
• 32:28
  offering to help, and I'm saying, Oh, no, I'm fine. I was
• 32:32
  actually not receiving the gifts that they wanted to give me.
• 32:36
  Right, that they wanted to help me. And I'm shutting them out.
• 32:41
  Right. And so for your listeners who are still saying I'm fine.
• 32:46
  You know, it's it's vulnerable. It's vulnerable to say, Hey, I'm
• 32:50
  not fine. But it depends on who you're with who your audience
• 32:55
  is. Have. You know, do you tell somebody you don't know? No, I'm
• 33:00
  not fine. I'm falling apart inside? No. Do you tell your
• 33:03
  best friend You know what, I'm having a struggle. You're giving
• 33:07
  your your your friend a gift to by letting them gift you their
• 33:12
  friendship and their help?
• 33:13
  Lori Saitz: Yeah, I just came to my mind right now is that line
• 33:17
  from, from Jerry Maguire. Let me help help me to help you.
• 33:24
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Yes, yeah. Bingo. Yeah.
• 33:29
  Lori Saitz: But you're right. It is a gift that you give somebody
• 33:33
  to allow them to help because think of when you've offered
• 33:36
  help before and been pushed away it. You you genuinely want to
• 33:42
  help otherwise you probably wouldn't be asking. Right? And
• 33:46
  you because you don't want to see your friend suffering. And
• 33:49
  the same way you know, sometimes my friend Christine says to me,
• 33:53
  be nice to my friend, which is she's telling me to be nice to
• 33:57
  myself, you know, so
• 33:59
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: that's a good friend. That's a great
• 34:01
  friend.
• 34:01
  Lori Saitz: She is. But yeah, be be nice to your your friends
• 34:07
  want you to be nice to their friend. Right? Yeah. I love
• 34:11
  that. Yeah, before we wrap up today, because we've gotten
• 34:15
  through so much. Amazing wisdom. I really appreciate your being
• 34:21
  here. What is the song? I know I know. I'm asking a radio
• 34:26
  personality here. What is the what is the song The one song
• 34:30
  that you listen to when you need to get charged up and and fuel
• 34:34
  yourself with some extra energy?
• 34:38
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Several tunes from Earth Wind and Fire.
• 34:41
  Okay, I love Earth Wind and Fire. I love the horns. So I can
• 34:46
  hear a September in my jukebox that's playing right now. I can
• 34:50
  hear it let's groove. And you know, I played these when they
• 34:55
  were new when they were fresh on the radio. And so I would I
• 35:01
  would dance like nobody was watching long before I heard
• 35:04
  anybody say that. And the studio in one of the radio stations,
• 35:08
  they had a big huge plate glass window. So anybody walking by
• 35:12
  could see me and I've got it cranked up. I mean, these
• 35:14
  speakers, the walls were shaking, because I had it up so
• 35:17
  loud, how it's dancing like nobody's watching, and they'd
• 35:21
  walk by just shaking their heads like, that is one crazy lady.
• 35:27
  Lori Saitz: Okay, you can think whatever you want. I'm having
• 35:29
  fun in here.
• 35:30
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Yes. And and you know what? When you're
• 35:32
  having fun like that, you are fine.
• 35:35
  Lori Saitz: Yes, yeah. Well, you're way better than fine.
• 35:39
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Yeah.
• 35:40
  Lori Saitz: Yeah. How can people get your book? And how can they
• 35:43
  get in touch with you if they want to find out more about what
• 35:45
  you're doing?
• 35:47
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Thank you. So my book is through Amazon.
• 35:49
  It's goodbye anxiety, hello, freedom. Again. It's a short 100
• 35:54
  page book. That is, if I hand you a 400 page book, and you're
• 35:58
  already struggling with anxiety, you're going to go Oh, so you
• 36:02
  can do that. And then you can find me at Stephanie
• 36:05
  Dalfonzo.com. I know, you'll put that in the show notes. So they
• 36:09
  figure out how to spell it. And you can go to my website and get
• 36:13
  five of the techniques from the book for free. Just put your
• 36:16
  email in and you automatically get the download. Because I
• 36:19
  again, I don't want to overload you with you know, alright,
• 36:22
  there's more of these 35 techniques. It's learn a couple.
• 36:26
  But the real key that I want people to take away is it can't
• 36:32
  become self help, shelf help. All that stuff that we've bought
• 36:37
  over the years and we stuck up on the shelf and our lives
• 36:40
  didn't change. I'm telling you simple shifts are what create
• 36:45
  lasting change. And this is the way to do it.
• 36:48
  Lori Saitz: Yes, thank you so much for joining me today on
• 36:51
  Fine is a 4-Letter Word.
• 36:54
  Stephanie Dalfonzo: Lori. I am so happy to have this
• 36:56
  conversation. But even more importantly, so happy to have
• 36:59
  you as a new friend. You're awesome. Thank you.