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Danny boy rivera- 3 · Comedy Central Stand-Up

• 0:02
  Comedy Central Podcast. How we are. I' m Danico and Rivera,
• 0:22
  I' m Galician. It' s no weather luck. You have here
• 0:26
  impressive uncle. In Galicia we do not conceive temperatures above thirty- five degrees,
• 0:30
  that is, the other day a colleague from Cordoba calls me. They
• 0:31
  call me no other. You' re gonna believe it. Dani, we
• 0:33
  ' re at 45 degrees. I didn' t even think I could be
• 0:36
  talking about temperature degrees. I thought they' d be very inclined Hostia.
• 0:41
  Yes, that' s how this art is to ask me why Galicia has
• 0:45
  so much drug trafficking. It' s the last time I say it,
• 0:47
  because there' s nothing like Galician character to survive an interrogation by the Civil
• 0:52
  Guard. Take your information out to a man who takes a different one out
• 0:56
  of every question. You know what I mean. You know this man,
• 1:06
  you know, you know what you mean by knowing and you don' t
• 1:11
  get any more uncle. That' s how we Galicians are. Forbidding drugs
• 1:15
  is forbidding the poor to go on vacation. It doesn' t say drugs
• 1:23
  are bad. It' s also bad smoke when your cars go from Madrid
• 1:26
  to Valencia, uh, it' s all a fucking caravan. It'
• 1:29
  s bad, it' s smoke, because there are people who want to
• 1:30
  go on vacation, they don' t have a car and they make a
• 1:37
  different smoke, because less harmful, more fun and I can assure you that
• 1:41
  more people die traveling by car than traveling in their living room. This fact
• 1:42
  is true. There' s no documented case of someone dying of marijuana overdose.
• 1:49
  I guess because you' re fucking asleep first. You know, you
• 1:53
  ' d have to smoke a lot of joints and put a lot of alarms
• 2:01
  on the alarm clock. Yeah, man, the other day I was reading
• 2:06
  about a girl, an English girl, man, Jemman Mos, keep this
• 2:07
  name. Jemmams thirty- one years, the first candidate to die of marijuana
• 2:13
  overdose. Jemman Mos' acquaintances said she smoked half a joint a day.
• 2:22
  I didn' t understand anything ur until I saw the images. You have
• 2:23
  to see that half porroti there were whole eggs and just crapped inside that half
• 2:29
  joint. You know so it' s not worth it I feel isolated case.
• 2:31
  Marijuana remains the safest means of transportation in the world. It' s
• 2:38
  worth ironically. They don' t let you smoke, they don' t
• 2:39
  let you drive. I don' t know if I knew this fact.
• 2:42
  You go to a drug control and you can give positive marijuana 24 hours after
• 2:46
  you' ve smoked. I mean, marijuana THC stays longer in the body
• 2:50
  than heroin. That means you could give this case. Hey, Juan Juan
• 2:58
  Wake up, man that the one who just remembered that I smoked half a
• 3:01
  joint in the morning that you' re going to have to drive, don
• 3:06
  ' t worry about this one not a coconut. I pricked myself three hours
• 3:08
  ago bad was balls how you smoke half a hairy joint you' re crazy.
• 3:20
  You haven' t seen what happened to the English girl. Impressive.
• 3:25
  Man, no one cares about the poor, not those who care about them
• 3:28
  worry badly. An example Antonio Abad, creator of the technology platform Mega Fun
• 3:34
  Net aimed at people at risk of social exclusion sharing video image files. That
• 3:40
  ' s a very good idea, Antonio. If it wasn' t for
• 3:44
  people who are at risk of social exclusion don' t have the Internet,
• 3:47
  what' s your next project, Antonio, you' re going to organize
• 3:53
  a coup tournament in Damascus for Syrian refugees to improve their swings. Those are
• 3:58
  your plans. Juan doesn' t like sports, but now I have a
• 4:03
  kid. When you have a kid, you have a new superpower to pretend
• 4:09
  interest suy a dro. For example, another day I was in my room
• 4:11
  jerking off suddenly calls me the kid Dad, Dad Frené, Frené who can
• 4:18
  give you a stroke Salgo running with the blue eggs I enter in the living
• 4:24
  room and see my son playing the UI look Dad I am champion of the
• 4:27
  Cup Caparazon with great trupa cup. Diego, I' m going to my
• 4:32
  room to get the champions' flag. It' s been 15 minutes and
• 4:40
  he doesn' t want another child anymore. Carloca uncle not another. Now
• 4:44
  it' s no longer worth it. They' re for life, man,
• 4:47
  it' s not independence anymore. I' ve seen cradles in Ika
• 4:50
  that set zero forty years. They' re fucking making you a marriage crib.
• 4:56
  There' s no bun oven. Not the bird is the fastest train
• 5:00
  in the world and point, there' s no magnet train in China that
• 5:05
  ' s faster, but it doesn' t touch the ground. If you
• 5:09
  don' t touch the ground, it' s not a fucking train.
• 5:11
  It' s a semantic issue. It is as if now we build a
• 5:15
  highway from here Barcelona to Madrid, we put a plane flying low and say
• 5:18
  that we have the fastest bus in the world, but that it does not
• 5:23
  touch the ground, not the alsan magneto missile not that lame. The truth
• 5:27
  is, I' m an atheist, not because I chose him. My
• 5:30
  parents washed my head when I was little. I' d like to be
• 5:35
  a believer, dude I miss having faith Dude Any religion would have been worth
• 5:42
  less Jewish Don' t get me wrong. It' s nothing racial,
• 5:44
  but I don' t trust people who have very bad luck. Both Russians
• 5:48
  have very bad luck. Not always surrounded by tragedies. They didn' t
• 5:55
  do anything. They don' t remind me a little bit like Mariana Rajoy
• 5:59
  and Esperanza Guirde, not always surrounded by corrupt people. The good people they
• 6:01
  are. Not me, because they saved themselves from the helicopter, not,
• 6:05
  but I' d say they' re Jews Look at the bad luck of
• 6:10
  those people. I found a website where they recount all the corruption cases that
• 6:18
  have occurred in the history of democracy. Evidently, since I don' t
• 6:23
  have DSL, I couldn' t see it and went to another website where
• 6:27
  they put a recount of corruption cases that have occurred in this legislature. There
• 6:30
  goes the data PP one hundred and seventy- seven cases of corruption, weighed
• 6:35
  the one hundred and twenty- eight converged Junion, fourteen PNV, thirteen United
• 6:43
  Left, eight fuck, if it is the seats that are giving them the
• 6:46
  polls of the FIS. You know what I mean. It' s the
• 6:47
  demonstration that people like to vote for those who steal is not how that'
• 6:56
  s why the United Left is getting their hands on Auntie Hostia with eight cases
• 7:00
  of corruption. We' re not gonna rule in our fucking life. It
• 7:03
  makes the ego of the human being respect and rome. It' s like
• 7:09
  every time we make a movie, think about this about aliens, whenever they
• 7:14
  come down they talk to us, that' s to say they really believe
• 7:18
  a being who' s able to cross the whole universe. It' s
• 7:20
  good to come here what an intellectual quotient has nine thousand ninety zero. You
• 7:25
  think you' re going to see a difference between the intelligence of a human
• 7:28
  and any other animal. I' ll put it on another phone. Imagine
• 7:30
  what it' s worth to you. Imagine that it takes you a planet
• 7:32
  where there are only ilubin salmon who you' d talk to first and fucking
• 7:38
  idea truth you still talk to a salmon and you' re disrespecting the bass,
• 7:41
  but you have the fucking idea, because why it blows you. And
• 7:43
  that' s what I think would happen if they come and blow it to
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  us, the trees blow it to us, they' re not living beings
• 7:49
  like us and we rip them off to make Christmas ornaments, what they'
• 7:54
  re going to suffer, they' re not trees. That' s what
• 7:55
  we deserve, that aliens come with a single mission, use us as Christmas
• 7:59
  ornaments, and that' s the end of the human being. In balls,
• 8:01
  in the corner of the living room, of a Vulcanian with two colored
• 8:05
  balls, hanging from the eggs and in front a guy saying what they will
• 8:07
  suffer. Fuck, they' re just human,' cause I got a
• 8:11
  plastic one. Pacma' s Martian plays balls. Even the word alien is
• 8:22
  already offensive. Perse extra uncle to you. I' d like you guys
• 8:26
  to call you extra- Vulcanians. For example. No one imagines this is
• 8:31
  another side. No one imagines believing aliens. True, we assume that they
• 8:35
  are atheists, that is, there was never a news in the fourth millennium
• 8:37
  of a guy saying that I am abtujero to me they made me the first
• 8:43
  Communion. That never happens. No, yeah, they' re always like
• 8:48
  scientific experiments that have to do with the ass It' s okay, and
• 8:52
  I didn' t do the first Communion. But that' s not the
• 8:54
  first Communion. Dude, that' s before in pop parish or. But
• 9:03
  we do need to. We don' t need to believe in things.
• 9:05
  We don' t always need like a demigod not to tell us more or
• 9:09
  less. How to behave, no, how to behave, how to do
• 9:15
  Jesus Christ was not even the first, it will not be the last,
• 9:18
  that no one will miss if in two thousand years we see a man saying
• 9:22
  then I do not like that my wife wear those measures, because Superman would
• 9:26
  not see it well, not and hold that at Christmas the gifts bring them
• 9:31
  the fantastic four unless you behave badly. Then Magneto comes in and they give
• 9:33
  you some bracquets and fuck off. No, because that' s what it
• 9:37
  ' s all about, not making up moves. Before I leave here,
• 9:39
  I want to send a message to a lot of people here right now who
• 9:43
  are having a hard time and don' t have to have a hard time.
• 9:48
  I' m talking about all those who have been unfaithful to your partner
• 9:54
  and feel like your ass, because you haven' t told each other you
• 9:58
  can raise your hand. No, we won' t, like there'
• 10:05
  s no one here in that situation and hating me I' m not gonna
• 10:09
  tell you the truth. It' s okay for you to stay calm,
• 10:11
  so tonight you' ll sleep with each other and say it' s okay.
• 10:13
  I' ll tell you the truth. Faithfulness is bullshit. Jesus Christ
• 10:18
  said it how you stay put it in the fucking Bible. Uncle killed five
• 10:26
  twenty- seven Bar twenty- eight and I say literally you heard what they
• 10:33
  said. You will not commit adultery. I, however, love jc however,
• 10:43
  I, however, tell you that everyone who looks at a woman greedy
• 10:48
  for her has already committed adultery in his heart with her, for look male.
• 10:58
  If I' ve already screwed up thinking about it, I' ll
• 11:01
  fuck her up. I want to go if you think about it, if
• 11:11
  the sins of thought are worth the same as the sins of action? The
• 11:13
  sins of action are not going to make a difference in global computation, so
• 11:18
  since we' ve screwed up so much throughout our lives. Well, cór
• 11:22
  is now having a good time and fucking wo.