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Snowplow Parenting vs. Conscious Parenting · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visation and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, thank you for taking some time to spend here with me.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: So those of you who've been following me or know anything about me know that I am the parent of five individuals.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: My oldest at the time of this recording is a 22-year-old professional ballerina.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: My second oldest is a collegiate athlete who is 20 years old.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: I have a almost 18-year-old who is off to college next year, and then I have a 15-year-old who is learning how to drive, and I'm, you know, building and great, getting additional gray hairs over it, but it's okay.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then of course I have my 10-year-old.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: I bring that up because one of the things that I talk to clients a lot about is parenting.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I really have spent a lot of time with this concept of conscious parenting and paying attention to how I'm showing up as a parent.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I am by no means gonna say that I have any of it figured out.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um but what I will say is that as I have parented, I know for a fact that I parent my youngest differently from my oldest, and my oldest teases me about it all the time.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: However, I will say that it shows my evolution and my growth and my willingness to do more self-reflection.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: As a parent, I think the most important thing that we can do is take some time to recognize and acknowledge how we are showing up, and also acknowledge when our own stories and beliefs, limiting beliefs, that is, might be uh affecting how we are showing up as parents.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I share that with you because I do, I actually believe wholeheartedly in talking about things like this because I think that it's how we learn.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: Uh we we as parents, we're we are kind of winging it.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's not really a script to tell us exactly what we're supposed to be doing.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: And on today's podcast episode, I wanted to bring up a concept called snowplow parenting.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: You know, um, I definitely have heard more about helicopter parenting, but we don't really talk about uh snowplow parenting.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so I want to just sort of bring this to everybody's attention.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: What a question or a couple questions to ask yourself if you are a parent.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, do you constantly monitor your child's assignments?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: Or if their grades are online, are you finding yourself checking their grades constantly?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Or are you making sure that every project is completed?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Are you going through the project with them and ensuring that um almost doing it maybe for them or with them?
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: Do you end up stepping in when there's a minor dispute?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: Do you step and I'm I'm intentionally using the word dump minor because when our children are getting bullied, I'm not saying that parents should not step in.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: However, if there's a minor dispute, do you find yourself maybe interjecting and potentially calling the other parents?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: Those might be examples of snowpaw parenting.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: When we're talking about this concept, it is a parenting style that evolves constantly working towards removing any obstacles from your child's path, regardless of paying attention to if there could potentially be a learning opportunity in that situation or challenge for your child.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: A snowpaw parent essentially clears all the hurdles before your child even feels them or faces them.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: Parents who use snowplow parenting, also known as bulldozer parenting or lawnmower parenting, aim to shield their children from any consequences that their actions might have.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: But in this process, they sometimes deny the chance to develop resiliency or develop conflict resolution.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: Where does this come from?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Well, snowplow parents tend to obsess over their child's uh life and well-being, and let's be honest, we all want our children to be safe.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I know for full full-fledged that when I first had my children and they were born, I wanted to keep them safe.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: That is the promise that I made to them.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: The truth is I can't keep them safe from all of life's challenges, but snowplow parenting does lean into this idea that we need to protect them from any potential situation that might create any anxiousness for them or frustration or discomfort that they might feel.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: So, what's the difference between a snowplow parent and a helicopter parent?
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  SPEAKER_01: Usually it involves the excessive level of parental involvement to intervene in the children's life.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: So helicopter parenting is mainly describing parents who are overly involved in their kids' lives, hoovering to make sure that everything is taken care of mainly from a fear perspective or from fear of the parents.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Now, while it does involve them being involved in their children's lives, helicopter parents don't actually remove the obstacles.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: So the difference is helicopter parents are involved and aware of things, but snowplow parents are the ones who are coming in and removing them.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: So some signs that you might be practicing snowplow parenting.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: You always bring their lunch or homework to school if they forget it at home, or you have difficulty saying no to any of your child's requests.
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  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you intervene on sports teams.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe, for instance, your kid tells you that they're not getting enough playing time and you immediately go up to the coach, even in the middle of a tournament, perhaps.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: That could be an example of snowplay parenting.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: You're just trying to make sure that you handle it for them.
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  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you mediate their conflicts with their peers.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: Uh maybe they're having a situation at school with a teacher, and instead of allowing them an opportunity to communicate with the teacher, you immediately go in and make sure that you handle it for them.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you uh argue about grades with their parents, or you're making decisions for your adult children.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you find yourself intervening on what career path they might they should choose, or who they should date, or potentially where they'll live, or who their significant other would be for the, you know, whether or not they decide to get married.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: Snowplow parenting manifests as taking that initiative to remove those obstacles and challenges, intervening excessively, getting too involved in situations.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: But what happens when we snowplow parent is we keep our children from actually learning how to build resilience and to manage stress and to cope with things like failure and to maybe work through being told no and what that means.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: They oftentimes children who have snowplow parents will struggle to build their own self-esteem and their own self-confidence as well as their own self-acceptance because they actually start to buy into the belief that they can't do it without their parents, that they need their parents to solve the problems for them.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so what ends up happening is they start to suffer from a lack of emotional regulation.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: They sometimes have impulse control issues, but more than that, they they lose any agency or autonomy and they don't recognize that they have the power within them to figure out what it is that they need and that they can go back to their own value system.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: They're constantly looking externally for someone else to solve the problems for them.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: Experts in psychology in child psychology and other professions underline the detrimental effects of snowpaw parenting on the child's long-term development, and they emphasize how this parenting style does result in low self-esteem and confidence, and it does keep the child from learning how to deal with things like failure or adversity, which keeps them as young adults and adults to be able to problem solve or to be able to believe in their own abilities to be resilient, and they lack the ability to build their own self-trust.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, oftentimes we only look at the negative.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: Snowplow parenting does have short-term benefits, you know, because when you are snowplow parenting, you are ensuring your child's safety and you are helping them achieve that specific immediate success because you're reducing those barriers to success.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: So there are those short-term benefits, but you have to take into consideration what are the long-term costs.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: So, what are some alternatives to that?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: It is about giving yourself some child your children some autonomy and agency.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: You can still be an authoritative parent, you can still be someone who guides them and leads them, but you allow them to make some choices and to face some of those consequences, and you show up as that support system when maybe they are facing a failure, and you and you support them from an emotional perspective, and you create that emotional intimacy with your children.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: You allow them to have the ability to make those decisions, you allow them to learn how to set boundaries.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you do assign some chores and responsibilities because that's going to help them foster independence and also accountability.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: And you encourage them to find their own solutions so that they know that they can problem solve.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, celebrate them.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: Celebrate their efforts.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not here to say that you're wrong if you find yourself or that you've done something terribly wrong as if you if you're resonating with some of the qualities of a snowpaw parent.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's just recognizing maybe that might be some of your own fears coming up.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what I mean by conscious parenting, paying attention to what's happening for you.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: So it is about going back to your real your initial intention of being a parent.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: What is it that you want for your child for the long term?
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: If you're thinking about looking at coaching for things that come up in parenting and would like to talk to me about how coaching might be helpful for that, feel free to reach out at any time at coachwithcomedy.com.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.