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Marketplace Proverbs & Coffee With Ernie · Marketplace Proverbs and Coffee with Ernie-A Proverb Per Day Keeps Stinking Thinking At Bay

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  SPEAKER_02: Well, you remember that tiny leak that eventually turned into a full-blown flood?
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  SPEAKER_02: Well, that's exactly what happens when we let small arguments spin out of control.
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  SPEAKER_02: Well, welcome back to Marketplace Proverbs and Coffee with Ernie,
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  SPEAKER_02: where a proverb a day keeps stinking thinking away.
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  SPEAKER_02: And today, Conflict resolution expert Ron Price unpacks Proverbs 17, 14.
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  SPEAKER_02: Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam and shares how to stop the flood
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  SPEAKER_02: before your relationships take a hit.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to Marketplace Proverbs and Coffee with Ernie,
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  SPEAKER_02: where a proverb a day keeps stinking thinking at bay.
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  SPEAKER_02: I'm Ernie Lansford, and thank you for joining me.
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  SPEAKER_02: I really do appreciate it.
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  SPEAKER_02: And the purpose of our podcast is just to share some proverbs,
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  SPEAKER_02: various scriptures of proverbs that have helped me become a better person,
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  SPEAKER_02: a better salesperson, and a better leader.
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  SPEAKER_02: So grab me a cup of coffee and let's dig in.
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  SPEAKER_02: Well, once again, I am thrilled.
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  SPEAKER_02: I'm honored.
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  SPEAKER_02: I'm blessed that my dear friend and prayer partner,
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  SPEAKER_02: Ron Price, is joining us for another episode.
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  SPEAKER_02: This is the 17th day of the month.
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  SPEAKER_02: Therefore, we are in Proverbs 17.
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  SPEAKER_02: And Ron has chosen verse 14, which he will read.
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  SPEAKER_02: But I got to tell you, Ron...
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  SPEAKER_02: Is a highly professional and sought after conflict resolution coach.
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  SPEAKER_02: And his client list is really deep of some really iconic customers
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  SPEAKER_02: that I want mentioned here for, you know, privacy reasons.
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  SPEAKER_02: But, you know,
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  SPEAKER_02: listen up to what he has to say,
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  SPEAKER_02: because this particular verse,
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  SPEAKER_02: verse 14 says, Is exactly what Ron uses in his coaching.
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  SPEAKER_02: Ron, thank you for joining me.
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  SPEAKER_02: Oh, Ernie,
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  SPEAKER_01: thank you.
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  SPEAKER_01: And thank you for those gracious words, my friend.
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  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate them.
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  SPEAKER_01: I read from the New Living Translation in verse 14 says,
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  SPEAKER_01: starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate.
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  SPEAKER_01: So stop before a dispute breaks out.
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  SPEAKER_01: And you're right, Ernie, this is near and dear to my heart.
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  SPEAKER_01: Romans 12, 18 says, as far as it depends on you, Live at peace with others.
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  SPEAKER_01: Get along with others.
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  SPEAKER_01: And that's all fine and good, but how do you do that?
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  SPEAKER_01: And again,
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  SPEAKER_01: that's what my books are about,
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  SPEAKER_01: the Play Nice in Your Sandbox series,
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  SPEAKER_01: my presentations for churches, businesses, what have you.
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  SPEAKER_01: It's all about preventing conflict, resolving conflict.
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  SPEAKER_01: And these words,
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  SPEAKER_01: stop a quarrel before a dispute breaks out,
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  SPEAKER_01: It sounds easier said than done,
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  SPEAKER_01: but it's not if people will know the correct way to call a timeout.
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  SPEAKER_01: Now, the wrong way to call a timeout,
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  SPEAKER_01: if a discussion's getting heated and voices are raising and temperatures raising
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  SPEAKER_01: and all the rest, one party's likely going to say timeout and storm out of the room.
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  SPEAKER_01: They stopped the arguing, but they didn't stop the argument.
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  SPEAKER_01: And they did it the wrong way.
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  SPEAKER_01: They left the other person wondering, well, wait a minute.
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  SPEAKER_01: Are you coming back?
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  SPEAKER_01: Are we ever going to talk about this?
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  SPEAKER_01: Are you leaving me?
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  SPEAKER_01: Are you quitting?
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  SPEAKER_01: Are you leaving the relay?
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  SPEAKER_01: They don't know.
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  SPEAKER_01: So they're going to come after you.
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  SPEAKER_01: No, we got to talk.
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  SPEAKER_01: And that's going to further infuriate the person.
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  SPEAKER_01: No, I don't want to talk.
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  SPEAKER_01: Here's all they got to do.
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  SPEAKER_01: Either person at any point can say, you know what?
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  SPEAKER_01: Hold on.
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  SPEAKER_01: I am too upset to talk right now.
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  SPEAKER_01: I'm afraid I'm going to say something I don't want to say or do something I don't want to do.
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  SPEAKER_01: I need a timeout, but I'll be back in an hour.
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  SPEAKER_01: Or I'll be back at 2 o'clock.
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  SPEAKER_01: Or let's get together at 5 o'clock.
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  SPEAKER_01: You let the other person know you're calling timeout, not copout.
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  SPEAKER_01: Ernie,
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  SPEAKER_01: if somebody who's important to you has an issue they want to talk to you about,
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  SPEAKER_01: you have the right to say not right now.
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  SPEAKER_01: If you care about that relationship, you don't have the right to say, no, that's your issue.
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  SPEAKER_01: I'm not going to talk about it.
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  SPEAKER_01: Because I promise you the days are going to come when you're going to have an issue
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  SPEAKER_01: that you want them to pay attention to.
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  SPEAKER_01: It has to go both ways.
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  SPEAKER_01: So the rule is, if people are taking notes, write this down.
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  SPEAKER_01: Whoever calls the timeout must call the time in.
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  SPEAKER_01: Whoever calls the timeout must call the time in.
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  SPEAKER_01: Calls the time out.
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  SPEAKER_01: What's the rest of it, Ernie?
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  SPEAKER_01: Calls the time in.
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  SPEAKER_01: You've got to let the person know, hey, I'm not rejecting you.
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  SPEAKER_01: I'm not rejecting working here or living here or worshiping here.
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  SPEAKER_01: I'm just afraid that I might have an emotional hijacking
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  SPEAKER_01: where my emotional brain might come out my mouth,
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  SPEAKER_01: and I don't want that to happen, or worse yet, out my hands.
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  SPEAKER_01: I don't want that to happen.
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  SPEAKER_01: So time out.
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  SPEAKER_01: I'll be back and you set the time.
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  SPEAKER_01: Now, Ernie, sometimes you can't do that.
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  SPEAKER_01: You know,
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  SPEAKER_01: if the house is burning down and say,
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  SPEAKER_01: you know, time out, let's come back in a couple of, no.
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  SPEAKER_01: That's where I advocate be disruptive.
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  SPEAKER_01: Be disruptive.
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  SPEAKER_01: And the way that works, you're having a dust up with a coworker.
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  SPEAKER_01: It's not going well.
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  SPEAKER_01: You just simply say, you know what, hold on, hold on, hold on.
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  SPEAKER_01: I all of a sudden have an urge for some fresh air.
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  SPEAKER_01: How about if we step outside and Let's take a walk and talk about this along the way.
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  SPEAKER_01: You disrupted the ugliness outside and say, hey, we've got to understand each other.
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  SPEAKER_01: And that wasn't happening in there.
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  SPEAKER_01: Why don't you go first?
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  SPEAKER_01: Talk to me civilly, please.
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  SPEAKER_01: Talk to me respectfully.
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  SPEAKER_01: But I'm going to focus on understanding you rather than have you understand me.
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  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to focus on understanding you.
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  SPEAKER_01: Go and do it.
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  SPEAKER_01: Listen to the other person and show them.
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  SPEAKER_01: By proactive listening that I write about,
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  SPEAKER_01: and so many others have as well,
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  SPEAKER_01: show them that you do understand what they're saying,
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  SPEAKER_01: whether you agree or not, that doesn't matter.
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  SPEAKER_01: And then,
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  SPEAKER_01: once you've done that,
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  SPEAKER_01: hopefully it's your turn, hey, may I now explain where I'm coming from?
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  SPEAKER_01: And they're very likely going to return the favor.
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  SPEAKER_01: You're having to dust up with your teenager.
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  SPEAKER_01: Just say, you know what, hold on, hold on, I'll...
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  SPEAKER_01: Man, all of a sudden, I got a hankering for an ice cream cone.
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  SPEAKER_01: How about if we hop in the car, let's drive down, get us an ice cream cone.
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  SPEAKER_01: You disrupted the ugly, you get in the car, and you have a chance for a do-over.
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  SPEAKER_01: Come on, we need to understand each other.
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  SPEAKER_01: Tell me, talk to me, I'm going to listen.
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  SPEAKER_01: Most people, Ernie, talk in the shoot and reload method of communication.
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  SPEAKER_01: We so want to be understood that we don't care about understanding the other.
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  SPEAKER_01: And we're talking and we might pause now and then, but we're not listening.
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  SPEAKER_01: We're reloading.
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  SPEAKER_01: So, again,
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  SPEAKER_01: when the Bible says stop a quarrel,
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  SPEAKER_01: stop an argument before a dispute breaks out,
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  SPEAKER_01: before it gets out of hand is very good advice.
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  SPEAKER_01: Calling a timeout.
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  SPEAKER_01: And being disruptive are two effective ways that can help you to do that.
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  SPEAKER_02: I love this.
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  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for it.
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  SPEAKER_02: You've brought to my memory,
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  SPEAKER_02: my recall,
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  SPEAKER_02: my recollection of the times in corporate or even not in corporate
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  SPEAKER_02: and just personal life where there would be a blow up and I would walk away
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  SPEAKER_02: and said, well, we'll deal with this later.
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  SPEAKER_02: And then I I never brought it back up and everyone carried a chip on their shoulder
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  SPEAKER_02: until it just kind of was brewing in everyone's,
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  SPEAKER_02: you know, in the back of their minds.
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  SPEAKER_02: And when one day out of the, when totally unexpected, it bubbles over.
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  SPEAKER_02: Right.
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  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
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  SPEAKER_02: And so,
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  SPEAKER_02: and then I've also in my corporate days when we'd be in a board meeting or something
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  SPEAKER_02: of that nature and things would get tense,
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  SPEAKER_02: I have found that That when I invited the CEO or the person that I reported to
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  SPEAKER_02: to walk around the building, man, we got a lot of stuff accomplished by doing that.
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  SPEAKER_01: There you go.
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  SPEAKER_02: There you go.
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  SPEAKER_02: And you've mentioned earlier about listening.
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  SPEAKER_02: You know, I've often said we've got to listen to understand before we can be understood.
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  SPEAKER_02: Slow to speak, quick to listen, slow to
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  SPEAKER_01: get angry.
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  SPEAKER_02: James, something, something.
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  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
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  SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you for this, Ron.
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  SPEAKER_02: I appreciate this.
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  SPEAKER_02: I do as well, Ernie.
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  SPEAKER_02: Thanks for the privilege.
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  SPEAKER_02: God bless you.
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  SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you for joining me on this episode of Marketplace Proverbs and Coffee with Ernie.
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  SPEAKER_02: If this episode has been meaningful to you or adding significance to you,
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  SPEAKER_02: please consider sharing it.
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  SPEAKER_02: That's how we influence the marketplace for God.
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  SPEAKER_02: We truly do.
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  SPEAKER_02: And remember...
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  SPEAKER_02: Chasing personal success is temporal.
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  SPEAKER_02: Adding significance to others is infinite.