Latest / HAVE FAITH LET IT BEGIN® / More Than a Title: Finding Purpose as a Servant Leader

Transcript

More Than a Title: Finding Purpose as a Servant Leader · HAVE FAITH LET IT BEGIN®

0:05
Welcome to Have Faith, Let It Begin. This is Ariel Santana.
0:10
Can you believe I'm seven years old already? I'm old enough now to introduce my dad.
0:15
Ladies and gentlemen, your host, my dad, Angel Santana.
0:22
Two thousand came and the spark was lit. A testimony raw, it wouldn't quit.
0:27
His mother's voice, a guiding thread.
0:51
Good evening, everyone, and welcome to a very special edition of Have Faith, Let It Begin.
0:56
It is a podcast that is on weekdays at 7.30 a.m.
1:00
Eastern Standard Time, but tonight it is a primetime special coming to you live
1:05
from my studio, my home, in New York, live at 7.54 p.m.
1:10
Eastern Standard Time, and we are now joined by a special guest who I will introduce
1:15
in a second in her central time.
1:18
But here is a little bit of business that I would like to provide for all of you.
1:21
To all of our creators joining us tonight, to our friends and followers,
1:25
and especially to those of you discovering Half-Aid Led Median for the very
1:29
first time, we'd like to say welcome.
1:32
We're glad you're here with us. Tonight's episode is called,
1:35
More Than a Title, Finding My Purpose as Servant Leader.
1:39
And tonight really is about one thing. It's the message.
1:43
Before we begin, though, I want to ask something from everyone joining us tonight.
1:48
Throughout this conversation, you're going to see comments coming up.
1:52
They're going to be coming in, moving out. And we appreciate every single one of them being here.
1:57
But we will be at times tonight where we are not able to look down at all moments,
2:03
to these comments. And we're not ignoring you. It's not that that's intentional.
2:07
I want to give our guest my complete attention.
2:10
And more importantly, I want to give her the opportunity to tell her story without interruption.
2:16
So with that being said it's now time for us to begin this special message and,
2:23
i'm just extremely happy that she's here with us and,
2:28
More importantly, I want to give her the opportunity to tell her story without
2:31
the interruptions of anything.
2:34
There'll be plenty of time for your comments and there'll be plenty of time
2:37
of your questions. And we absolutely want you to be a part of this conversation.
2:41
But of everything else tonight, please be respectful to the person that's here and respect her story.
2:48
And please respect the person who's sharing it because it's not easy to come
2:51
onto a live broadcast and to humble herself, to become vulnerable and to share
2:56
deeply personal parts of her life with people that you may not even know.
3:00
So tonight, we're going to give her the space. And this isn't about gossip.
3:04
This isn't about judgment.
3:06
It certainly isn't about pretending that any of us have lived the perfect life.
3:11
This is about testimony. And this is about purpose. It's about what God can
3:16
do with scars, the losses, the pain, and even the chapters of our lives that
3:22
we couldn't understand while we're living through them.
3:25
So that being said, I have the privilege tonight of welcoming a very special
3:29
guest, my co-star and very close friend of mine now, creator,
3:34
friends, and everyone joining us tonight. Please welcome Boudreaux to Have Faithful to Begin.
3:38
Boudreaux, I hope that intro wasn't too long, but I wanted to make sure everybody was already.
3:43
You're good. Look, this is your show. I'm just, I'm in your show.
3:47
No, it's our show tonight, and tonight it's all about you. So that is as far as I go.
3:52
So Boudreaux, we are welcoming you and trusting me, and thank you for trusting me with your story.
3:58
Let's begin. Bojo, you recently reached out to me and you said just today that
4:03
something really caught your attention.
4:05
You said that you're beginning to see the purpose and the plan that God has
4:09
for you, not simply as a mother, not simply as a wife, a daughter,
4:15
or a friend, but you as his servant leader. So I want you to start right there.
4:19
Take us back to the beginning and ask, I'm asking you, what has God been showing
4:25
to you that brought you to this moment?
4:29
Ah, that's a big question. But this past, I'd say the last week or two,
4:36
some of the most beautiful people I think I've ever met in my life that are
4:39
the most God-fearing people had one of the most terrible things happen to them.
4:44
And I don't know, man, it's how their faith was never shaken through the whole
4:49
thing, you know? And by the end of it, they just keep telling me what God will
4:54
is going to be done. And it doesn't matter if it's good or if it's easy or if
4:57
it hurts or if it's whatever.
4:59
Whatever God has restored me, it's what's going to be. And so I've got friends
5:03
who do this music thing. And I've recently met one who, she's a beautiful poet.
5:08
And I used to come on this app in 2022 and we did like music therapy, right?
5:15
My best friend ever is a mental, like a full-time mental health therapist.
5:20
She's helped me a lot on my journey, but I met her here. Like I met her on this app.
5:26
And through talking with Emily,
5:28
she was like, you know, really what we could do is we just host boxes.
5:31
And that's what my panel used to be. We'd have four musicians and four people
5:35
who were just kind of going through it. They'd tell us what their journey was.
5:37
And Emily would give some words of wisdom. And an artist would always be like,
5:40
oh, I have a song that goes with that. Like they'd sing it, right?
5:43
Because that's kind of how my healing journey started. It wasn't necessarily planned, right?
5:49
But TikTok's done a lot for me as far as, like, figuring out who I wanted to become.
5:55
But with watching those people that I love very much kind of go through it this
5:58
week, when I sat back and I reflected, like, man, I've been put through the ringer absolutely.
6:05
And it wasn't a fun time, but the person that I am right now would have never
6:09
shown up had it not been for all of it. You know what I mean?
6:12
And so I can talk about a lot of different areas where I felt like I was alone
6:16
and that God wasn't with me. And even still now, Angel, I'm not.
6:21
I'm not the Bible-thumping, church-every-Sunday kind of human.
6:26
I just know that at the end of the day, God has got me because I genuinely trust Him.
6:32
I have a thing. It's on my desk. It says I trust the next chapter because I know who the author is.
6:39
And it doesn't mean that I'm perfect. I'm far from perfect. And I don't want
6:44
anyone to think that I got on here because I feel like I'm above anybody or anything like that.
6:48
I know what it's like to be at the bottom. them and then after everything happened
6:51
with them this week then i have multiple friend groups you know i'm a box hopper,
6:56
and when you're a box hopper like that man you see all of the conflicts in all
6:59
the different areas and it's like i don't know man if,
7:04
if any of them would just sit and think about how they are towards other people
7:08
and then they get upset when it happens to them and that you that's your karma
7:13
right it's either positive or negative it's going to be however you act and
7:15
That's what's going to come back at you kind of thing.
7:18
And I feel like I don't talk about God enough. When really I was raised strict
7:21
Catholic, man, and I used to bring his name from the mountaintops.
7:27
And then life got hard and I left him.
7:31
I guess that's the way you could say it. When I felt like he left me,
7:34
it was really because I left him.
7:37
You know, you have this purpose, right?
7:41
And you and I have met on a live. We left, well, name drop. You know, we met on a DJ Greg live.
7:48
Love DJ Greg. We already know when we say none of us are perfect.
7:52
I mean, DJ Greg is probably the most crazy DJ ever. And he's been on the show.
7:56
So, but you and I connected. And because we both connected, because we both had a clip of pain.
8:03
And when I think about you, and I remember feeling something deep down inside,
8:08
and you're the reason why I wanted to come on TikTok and bring Half-Faith on
8:14
and say, I want to go after creators because I know they have more than a purpose.
8:18
And with you, Woodrow, when you look back at everything that you have gone through,
8:23
the scars, the loss, the pain, the anger, even the anxiety, was there a moment
8:28
where you stopped asking, God, why did I have to go through this?
8:32
And just for the record, it's not that we're trying to be a biblical show tonight.
8:37
It's that you're just sharing in, and it just so happened that we connected
8:41
on a spiritual aspect. So go ahead.
8:44
I met a guy on here back in, I want to say I met him in 2023.
8:49
His name's Ormida. He's Anthony. He's ironically from New York.
8:54
And he was hosting mental health boxes with another guy, and they were talking
8:58
about narcissism and how when you are a victim of someone who is a narcissist, right,
9:05
it's not only important to understand why you had to go through it,
9:08
but understand their mindset as well, right, because it's a technical mental illness.
9:12
And he pulled me up on the panel And we got to talking And I just told him Like
9:17
I don't understand Why all this had to happen to begin with Right,
9:20
And he said Well do you want to be a worrier Or do you want to be a warrior
9:23
For the rest of your life That's your options You can stay in your victim mindset
9:26
If you want to But it doesn't have to be What happened to you It could always be,
9:30
What did it turn you into After you went through it Do you always want to be
9:34
a victim In your head Or do you actually want to be Able to make a difference,
9:38
That's the difference Between being a worrier and a worrier And I said Well hell,
9:42
okay but stick it straight to me that's wild but that's kind of where it all
9:47
started and then after that it was heavy it was really hard to lose the victim
9:51
mindset man because when you go through something that's that traumatic,
9:56
it's um.
9:58
You don't understand why God would allow something like that to happen to you,
10:01
right? But then look at what happened to his son.
10:05
You know what I mean? Right. What makes me feel like I'm better than that?
10:08
What makes me think I'm above that? And I do believe that there's always a purpose
10:12
for every painful situation, no matter what it is.
10:14
It just took me a minute to find mine, you know? Yeah. Looking back,
10:19
and what makes me wonder sometimes is, you know, for myself included,
10:23
is looking at where we are today, right?
10:26
And I think about this process that I've seen you go through.
10:32
What would you say is the hardest part in the last year that you've had to go
10:38
through, if you want to share?
10:40
And did that change you for the better, or are you still in the healing process?
10:47
I don't think healing's ever completed. I think healing is an ongoing thing,
10:51
especially when it's something with domestic violence or something like that.
10:54
I think healing's always going to happen. And in the last year,
11:00
relationships are hard. Being in a
11:02
relationship is hard. Trusting in a relationship is very hard. And, um...
11:11
Take your time because you're tired.
11:13
I am. I told her that when she has a minute, she can have the minute.
11:18
Y'all, look, we might have to re-glue these eyelashes about nine times tonight,
11:22
but it's all right. We are important.
11:27
I think this year the biggest lesson I had to learn was my own personal boundaries, man.
11:33
Here's the thing. When you're in a relationship with someone else,
11:36
a lot of mine is either going to be relationship or family-related because of,
11:40
what my testimony is based around, right?
11:44
I had to sit with myself and understand that I don't have to change me to be with someone else.
11:49
I don't have to form to someone else's mold. And I found myself in a relationship
11:55
this year where I got very quiet in fear of losing someone.
12:01
And I got very, like I'd quit doing things that they didn't like, Right?
12:09
And so instead of standing up for myself, it was more or less whatever he said went. Right?
12:14
And it was, oh, just excuse that I promise he's a good guy. He really is. He's great.
12:18
Don't get me wrong. We're still friends. He's still one of my very best friends
12:21
because just because it doesn't work out in that manner doesn't mean you can't
12:24
be friends with a human. I'm a firm believer in it. Y'all think I'm crazy? It's fine. I don't care.
12:30
Shortly after him, though, there was someone else that stepped in that probably
12:34
would have hung the moon for me.
12:38
But I wasn't ready. And that's the hardest part, right? When you find yourself
12:43
in a situation where you could have it all, you know what I mean?
12:47
But is it fair to move on with someone else when, one, you know that your heart
12:51
still is a completely different human?
12:53
Or number two, there's so much that you haven't even unpacked yet.
12:58
And you don't know it until you get put in a situation. And Chris just put in
13:02
the comments, DB will haunt you for the rest of your life. And it sucks.
13:05
And it does. And she's not wrong.
13:07
And it's something that, hell, two years ago, I had a guy coming down to the
13:12
airport. We were doing a music video. And you know how, like,
13:15
you go to the grocery store and, like, you're being cute. They come up behind
13:17
you. They grab your waist. So, like, you're like, oh, fun and games.
13:20
Like, that happened. And I came around with the right hook ready to hit him.
13:24
And I instantly looked at him and was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
13:27
I'm so sorry. Like, I'm so sorry. I was like, apparently that's something that triggers me.
13:33
I haven't really been in a relationship with someone since I left.
13:35
And, like, in the moment, I felt like there was something I should be in fear
13:41
of when he was trying to be cute.
13:45
And so I instantly told him, like, I explained it and I said,
13:48
but I need you to do it again.
13:49
And I need you to do it again. And I need you to do it again because that is
13:52
something that should be normal.
13:54
And it is something that, although it won't be easy for me in the beginning,
13:57
and I might cuss you, like, two more times. But I promise I'm going to work
14:00
on it because I don't want my triggers to control the rest of my life.
14:03
If I genuinely want to be able to connect with somebody like that again.
14:07
It's not easy to do, but that doesn't mean it's impossible.
14:13
So being vulnerable with someone again has been difficult. Can we elaborate?
14:17
And again, if I'm pushing the line, tell me.
14:20
You're never pushing the line. Let's talk about triggers, okay? Yes. I understand.
14:27
Again, this shows about you, but I understand what triggers myself are.
14:32
Would you say that, and I love your tactic on here, like, do it again,
14:36
do it again, do it again. I love that.
14:38
Would you say that your triggers have gotten better because of this? Or are you? Yes. Okay.
14:45
Maybe the more that. Tonight, maybe we should talk. The thing is,
14:49
the thing about a trigger is you've got one of two options. You can be a warrior
14:52
or a warrior. Like those are your options.
14:54
A trigger can only trigger you if you allow it to. Right?
14:59
And so although it is something that is difficult to deal with in the moment,
15:03
the more that that trigger happens, the more it becomes normal again,
15:06
and then it's not going to bother you. Eventually, it won't bother you.
15:10
In 2024, or whatever year we did in the music video, 2025 maybe,
15:14
when that happened, it set me off. But by this past year, whenever I was in
15:18
that new relationship, it didn't bother me. Those things no longer bothered me.
15:22
You can sit here in your victim mindset and allow it to control you,
15:25
allow your triggers to control you, and use it as an excuse to be an ugly person
15:31
to the rest of the world, or you can grow.
15:35
And I just don't like sitting stagnant. I just haven't really ever been good at it. So...
15:41
I just made him do it again, so it became normal again. You don't even know
15:45
all of your triggers. You think you know all your triggers until something happens,
15:48
and you're like, oh, shoot.
15:50
Eesh, okay, that's not really something that I liked. I didn't know that that
15:54
would bother me, but apparently it is.
15:57
So now we talk about triggers and talk about the woulda, shoulda,
16:02
coulda, right? This gentleman comes in.
16:06
You aren't ready, right?
16:08
There's always a plan. and I can go back and say what I should have could have
16:13
myself and God knows I'm on my bad days. I'm like, oh.
16:18
But we can both agree that even though it wasn't in the plan for that to happen,
16:25
are there times when you say to yourself, should I have gone that route?
16:31
And have I made the right decision?
16:33
And if you do do that, do you beat yourself over that?
16:37
And go in what route in what way? Well, with that gentleman,
16:40
you know, you aren't ready, right? And...
16:46
Oh, do I question whether or not a thousand percent I should?
16:49
God, do I beat myself up over it? Absolutely. Because sometimes you feel like
16:54
you miss out on a good opportunity just because you weren't ready.
16:57
And then sometimes you wonder, oh, man, am I ready? Am I not ready?
17:00
Am I ruining a good thing and I really don't have to right now?
17:03
I overthink everything, man. And I really wasn't an overthinker like that before. You know?
17:11
I say it's new. It's almost five years now, but it's fairly new to me.
17:14
I've never really had to overthink anything and now but i think it's because
17:19
of the trauma right like you overthink if i i was used to being,
17:24
oh too fat yet too skinny when i lost the weight i'm not pretty with makeup
17:28
but still ugly with or still ugly with it a bad wife a bad teacher still,
17:34
yet still too consuming with my job no matter what i did i was wrong right that's
17:37
because people were saying that to you or was that correct so you were no we're
17:42
never thinking it since it kept coming to you,
17:45
so the man that i was married to stayed the mental abuse was worth in the physical
17:50
in the beginning right they they break you down like they make you feel like
17:53
you're absolutely worthless and then.
17:56
No one's ever gonna love you again no one's ever gonna love you like i will
18:00
so you just soon stay no one's ever gonna take care of you like i will so you
18:02
just soon stay and so i mean hell i met him in 2018 and i didn't leave until 2022,
18:09
or so something like that yeah if everybody's 25th of 2022, I met him early, early 2018.
18:15
And it's crazy how much they can get in your mind like that,
18:20
you know, because I was depressed when he met me.
18:23
I was 24. I hadn't really been in a serious relationship yet.
18:27
I felt like I was going to be alone forever, blah, blah, blah,
18:29
you know, the same thing.
18:31
Trying to keep up with the rest of the people my age, opposed to just, like, living my life.
18:35
And so when I met him, he...
18:41
Was Prince Charming, right? They listen before they speak.
18:49
They tell you everything that you want to hear.
18:53
And then at some point, the script flips.
18:59
And I can't even pinpoint one specific moment that it did.
19:04
It's impossible. Because they just do it a little bit over time,
19:07
a little bit over time, a little bit over time. And, like.
19:13
It's frustrating because you don't ever want to be the one to get duped like
19:17
that. And, like, you feel dumb. You genuinely feel stupid.
19:20
But at the end of the day, like, it's just kind of what it was, you know? Yeah.
19:25
And, you know, what makes you wonder is something else is that looking at who
19:29
you are today, do you think you could have understood the purpose of,
19:34
you know, go back into spirituality, the purpose of God is showing you now without
19:39
first going through some of those difficult chapters?
19:43
No. Okay. Not at all. Okay.
19:47
Now, I want to shift the gears a little bit, and then we're going to take a
19:50
pause and take some questions.
19:52
So if you have questions, I saw one comment, and I said thank you to her,
19:56
Nikki, for saying what you were saying.
19:59
Thank you for being honest and saying 21 years later, she's still dealing with
20:03
it, so we're helping people tonight.
20:05
But I want to share yours and I want to say, you brought up,
20:08
you also said something to me that really stood out to me this morning.
20:12
You said that being a leader doesn't mean that God needs you better than anyone else. It doesn't.
20:20
It does. It's like, let's break out the boot joke here. I think that's important
20:23
to talk about because sometimes when people hear the word leader,
20:28
they think about position.
20:30
And they think about authority. They think about being the person in front of
20:34
everybody, but that's not necessarily servant leadership.
20:39
So what does being a servant leader mean to you today?
20:44
Oh, driven wins in here. Now I'm going to cry because I'm literally about to
20:47
talk about them very specifically.
20:51
Going back to the very first thing I said at the beginning, I've watched some
20:54
really great people go through some really terrible times.
20:58
And it didn't matter what they were thrown with. They kept their composure.
21:04
They remained faithful. And they never really got negative. And in 2022,
21:10
I found myself in the spot, and I've said this more times in the last two weeks,
21:15
and I think I've said it a very long time.
21:18
Because of my own choices, my parents did not trust me very much,
21:22
because the same man that I left in 2022, I had already left him in 2020.
21:28
And so they didn't really trust that I wasn't going to go back,
21:30
and they were tired of having their hearts broken.
21:33
And in a time that I didn't have a house to live in or,
21:38
at one point it even got to a point where I didn't have a car to drive um I
21:42
had two very beautiful people that were running a racetrack right off the road
21:45
from my house that I'd worked at priorly right prior to,
21:50
I quit it back in like 2013 and I went back just because I was curious and uh,
21:55
I had nowhere to live and they gave me and my two-year-old a roof over and they
21:58
knew me from nothing they didn't know me for nothing and still they took a chance
22:03
on a 28 year old female with a two-year-old daughter,
22:07
and they let me work a full-time job for like a part-time pay and i didn't have
22:10
to pay any bills and they let me get on my feet there you know like that's god-fearing people man like,
22:17
i don't understand how bad things happen to good people but they give the biggest
22:20
battles to the strongest soldiers,
22:22
and um after watching what they've been through this week when i sit back and
22:27
I reflect on all the stuff that I've been through since my marriage.
22:32
I feel like I've learned more from the two of them, not only with business and
22:35
how to run a race track, but...
22:38
My spiritual journey with God, like before I left home, I was so in my faith.
22:44
I was on the diocesan youth board for the Catholic Church. Like I was a huge
22:48
advocate. I went to every Steubenville.
22:51
At one point, I thought I was going to Franciscan University of Steubenville, Ohio. Like I was in it.
22:56
And then life got hard and I ran from him. And the whole time I thought it was
23:00
that he left me, but it's because I left him.
23:03
And so watching someone else go through hardship and still not leave him,
23:07
You see how he works, right?
23:09
And you see how some of the people that you love the most are going to be the
23:12
ones who betray you, but some people that you thought might not be around as
23:16
much anymore because you don't talk every day. You don't speak all the time.
23:19
Or there's not a constant connection between the two of you.
23:23
That love is not lost because once you're family, you're family, right?
23:28
And they were a huge part of my tribe, man. Like, Driven to Win in the comments,
23:32
it's Marlon Nelson Hoyos. If you don't know them, follow Driven to Win.
23:36
Because they are some of the most beautiful people I believe I've ever met in my life.
23:39
And then whenever I left the racetrack and I got my own house and I got on my
23:42
seat, like, life kind of started getting a little bit easier.
23:46
Started getting active on this app.
23:49
And in comes in the next three people that...
23:55
If it were not for Emily and Rusty and Hannah, I don't know that I'd have made it this far.
24:02
And I met them on here. Like, they're all in Tennessee. And I'm in Louisiana. So, like,
24:09
Emily always challenges me. She's the mental health therapist, right?
24:13
She always pushes me to think differently, think outside the box,
24:16
do better, act better, whatever.
24:18
Rusty's more the coddler. Like, it's all right, Boudreaux. You're going to be all right.
24:23
And then Hannah is my, you're going through it, Myra. I'm going through it, Myra.
24:29
We're fighting the same battles, but right now you don't have to understand
24:33
it. You don't have to get it. I will live with you and your toxicity,
24:36
and we're going to move past it when you're ready.
24:38
So it's like having a solid team that we talk every day, almost all day every day.
24:46
Fred shot in the comments, and he just came in here. He's another one. I met him four years ago.
24:51
And when I met him, he was like, I'm not going to stop shouting your names until
24:54
you are in lights on a billboard somewhere.
24:57
And I was like, dude, I'm just a little small girl from the south of Louisiana.
25:01
That's never going to happen.
25:02
But he got me in a meeting or I say a meeting or dinner with a creative director
25:07
of one of the biggest radio stations in Bristol, Tennessee. And the whole management
25:10
team for Brantley Gilbert, who's a huge country star, right?
25:14
And if you know me, you know that country music is something that I'm very passionate about, man.
25:19
But I think that, and I said this back when I first started the app,
25:22
when I started doing the music boxes, when I had nowhere to go.
25:26
And I was alone. And this was before I left him. The only thing I had was music,
25:31
right? When you're locked in an apartment like that and you can't just leave.
25:34
When life is, I mean, you're all bruised and beaten and scarred up.
25:40
Like, you can't just call anybody because your phone's to a point where you can't.
25:45
And so it was the music that saved me, man. And it's not even only one kind.
25:48
I went from rap music to country music to Christian music to,
25:52
oh, the solid gold. All these are my favorite. That's really where I lived the
25:55
most of my time, but it was...
26:01
It's kind of like my thank you back to the music. And thank Andrew Jameson for
26:05
that one. He was the very first artist that I became really good friends with on here.
26:09
We don't speak very often, but he's doing great. He actually just got Song of
26:15
the Year at the Josie Awards for his song burn with Kellen Quinn.
26:19
Kellen Quinn was Sleeping With Sirens. He had a feature on it.
26:21
So I got it. It's really cool. Go, Andrew.
26:24
But he told me something about not having the funding to get an album.
26:29
And I was like, well, you know, as an independent artist, because you're independent,
26:32
there's grants out there that you could apply for. Like, I'm a teacher.
26:36
I love grants. Like, let me look at your business plan.
26:40
And after I look at your business plan, I'll help you build your grant to where
26:44
you'll get some funding to be able to put an album out.
26:46
His response was, oh, my business plan's in my head.
26:50
That's not going to work. And so through helping somebody who was really just
26:54
one of my best friends, I fell in love with the industry, man.
26:57
And it's complex. It's never the same. It's always changing.
27:00
It's always growing. And that, with my ADHD brain, I am obsessed with, right?
27:07
And so it all started with Andrew, man.
27:10
He had been...
27:13
He had been a huge friend for me because he was the child of a less-than-ideal marriage.
27:17
And so he helped me understand my child's perspective of what I lived.
27:22
And so the music thing just kind of built from there. So, you know,
27:25
music smooths the soul, right?
27:27
And God has, you know, I look at life in this way. You know,
27:32
we all grew up with connecting the dots.
27:36
And God makes us into this picture. And we connect the dots. Not us. He does.
27:42
And yes picture will not complete until he calls us home your picture started
27:49
a long time ago and yeah maybe it took a couple weird turns right but it's still being developed and,
27:56
and one of the coolest things you know i was going to ask you but you kind of
27:59
answered it i was going to say do you think that you know the things that you
28:02
survive have given you the ability to sit beside someone who's hurting and say, hey, I'm.
28:10
Not exactly perfect, but I have had the exact story, but I understand what it
28:15
feels like to struggle, which is what you described.
28:18
So let's get into the scars because you mentioned both physical and emotional scars.
28:23
And sometimes we spend so much of our lives trying to hide those scars that,
28:29
Eventually, those same scars come part of our testimony.
28:33
So that's where we are right now. So when you look at your scars today,
28:37
what would you say represents you now?
28:41
That's crazy that Emily just came in here.
28:46
So specifically my right arm, more than anything, I'm covered in cigarette burn
28:51
scars. It's one of the main things that he did. It was terrible, right?
28:54
And for a long time, I was embarrassed by them. I wouldn't wear,
28:58
I mainly wore long sleeve shirts, obviously, but like you can see them, they're there, right?
29:03
And I always hid my arms, that was like a thing. But for the first time ever,
29:08
we went to Nashville this year at the Josie Music Awards, and I wore sleeveless shirts all weekend.
29:13
And Emily was like, look at you go, I am so proud of you there.
29:18
I mean, I don't know. Back then, I saw it as something that made me less fan. Give me one second.
29:23
I would like people to understand that what you're listening to today is a live talk.
29:28
And what we are going to be doing is we are going to re-air this again and again and again.
29:33
And we are going to re-air this. You have to take your time.
29:35
We are going to re-air this on every platform.
29:38
And on a side note, I should take care of her little one, I would like to take
29:43
this opportunity to say that I've been on this platform for quite some time.
29:47
And I have been looking for creators to share their story, to share the life.
29:53
Now, it doesn't have to always be about spirituality. It could just be your journey.
29:58
So when you hear Half-Bink Let It Begin, it's not all about spirituality.
30:03
We don't have to go down that path. It just so happened that she and I connected on a spiritual level.
30:08
I want all of you out there to know as a creator that you have the opportunity,
30:14
to come on this show and share your story.
30:16
We don't have to do it on a TikTok live, but my platform has been going on for quite some time.
30:22
It's been on for over nine years and you can literally help change the world.
30:26
You can change someone's life by allowing yourself and humbling yourself to
30:32
share what a lot of people, believe it or not, will embrace and say, wow, I'm not alone here.
30:39
When God is all you have, there's another line in your story that I don't want us to overlook.
30:48
So as we get closer to the end, you talked about moments when it felt like the
30:55
devil was getting close to winning.
30:58
But then you talked about what happens when God is literally the last thing
31:03
you have left to hold on to for hope.
31:06
And to me, that's powerful. So take me into that.
31:10
What does holding on to God actually look like when you feel like you don't
31:15
have anything else left?
31:22
It is obvious when God tells you yes, because whatever you ask for,
31:26
obviously, you receive it.
31:29
It is also very obvious when God tells you no, because something does not work out for you.
31:34
When God says wait, it's not a yes, and it's not a no.
31:40
That's when your faith is usually most shaken.
31:46
And I remember there were a lot of nights that I asked, like,
31:49
am I ever going to get out of this?
31:50
Like, is this really what my life is going to turn? Is this what my life is
31:54
meant to be? Like, is this really?
31:57
Is this really what you picked for me? Because I don't know if I can do this
32:00
much longer, you know what I'm saying?
32:04
And it was on a night that things had gotten really, really bad.
32:07
And instead of questioning him, I just sat with it. And I was like,
32:13
okay, your plan's cooler than mine. I don't know what this is supposed to be,
32:18
but you're playing with cold living mind. And if this is what it is,
32:20
and this is what it is, I trust that you're going to take me to whatever the
32:23
next step is supposed to be, whatever that looks like, whether I like it or I don't.
32:28
Because at this point, I had nothing else to lose. Like I hadn't seen my family
32:31
in a little over a year and a half.
32:33
I hadn't talked to my friends from, really I lost every friend that I had at that point.
32:38
I had no one but him and I couldn't depend on him.
32:42
And so he ruined every Bible I owned. He broke every statue I had like he was,
32:50
not a very godly person. And so I started journaling. I still do.
32:56
Literally, it's right here.
33:00
They're all papers. I have letters, prayers, whole mind now in here.
33:06
It started with just asking God to make it to tomorrow for a long time.
33:12
And then it was no longer asking him to make it to tomorrow.
33:15
It was thank you for letting me make it until my tomorrow.
33:20
And the way that he opened his doors when you finally just, like,
33:23
trust him to take you wherever he's supposed to lead you, it's almost scary.
33:31
It happens almost overnight.
33:33
Wow. Well, for a person watching tonight...
33:40
And Bujo, I want to read this directly to somebody watching us right now.
33:45
Because someone or somewhere in this live, there may be someone listening to
33:50
you, to us, who's still in the chapter that you've already survived.
33:56
They don't see the purpose yet.
33:57
They don't understand why they're going through it.
34:01
They may not even recognize God working in their life right now.
34:05
And this is from the spiritualist perspective.
34:07
It could be a non-spiritual perspective. Let's be, let's, you know,
34:10
call it the way it is. But, and maybe they're, they're hanging on to hope by a thread.
34:16
What would Pujo say to the person that's listening tonight?
34:25
The woman who's afraid to leave. Because you are afraid of what's on the other side of the door.
34:32
Whether it's great or it's scary or it's easy or it's difficult. Um...
34:41
You're not dumb. I know you feel that way, but you're not.
34:47
Life is never easy, whether you are in that kind of situation or you're not.
34:50
Ask the one who's now on the other side.
34:57
But you're not dumb. Your heart's
34:59
beautiful. Because your ability to love someone so cruel is very unique.
35:06
And let's be real, it's not because you like him, it's because you love him
35:08
that you're still there.
35:12
But at the end of the day, you can love him as much as you want to,
35:16
but it's time for you to learn how to love yourself just a little bit more.
35:20
The way that he treats you is not right. And as hard as it is on the other side.
35:29
When God sees me through Houston, you are Marlon and Nelson too.
35:33
And my parents, although our relationship was strained when I first moved home,
35:40
I could not have asked for better parents. My relationship with them is beautiful.
35:44
Other people that you think are angry at you and won't ever talk to you again.
35:48
I've got two sisters that I've also repaired my relationships with. It's not impossible.
35:52
But also understand that because of decisions you made, their trust towards you will be less.
35:59
But it doesn't mean they don't love you. It just means that they're scared to be hurt again.
36:04
But you do.
36:07
You do still need to leave. No matter what you're afraid to face on the other
36:11
side. And if you are stuck there, my messages are always open.
36:17
And I'm happy to sit with you.
36:20
And that's where we come to a end of part one.
36:26
Yeah, I said part one. I also said this was a chapter.
36:30
The formal announcement that I'd like to say, and who Jo did not know,
36:34
is that I'd like to welcome her onto the Half-Aid Let It Begin platform,
36:40
and give her an opportunity to showcase and to help others all over the world by doing a series,
36:49
that will allow her the opportunity to show others that they are not alone.
36:55
She does not have the answer right now. I want her to think about it,
36:58
pray about it. You already know it's a yes.
37:02
I said I was ready. We're doing it. But I wanted to thank you personally,
37:05
and I wanted to close on this. To everyone watching us tonight.
37:12
I think that the real reason why we do what we do and what we go through is
37:18
not a punishment. I think that's really what this conversation has been about.
37:23
Sometimes we become so focused on the titles we carry,
37:27
mother, father, husband, wife, friend, leader, employee, whatever that title
37:35
may be, that we can forget to ask.
37:39
God, who are you calling me to be? That's the number one question.
37:44
Your story doesn't have to be perfect to have purpose. Your scars don't automatically disqualify you.
37:50
Your difficult chapters don't have to become the final chapter.
37:54
And sometimes we don't understand what God was doing while we were going through something.
37:58
Sometimes we were only being recognized when we look back.
38:03
Sometimes we may say, tonight isn't about having everything figured out.
38:08
Maybe tonight is simply about being willing to ask.
38:11
Well, let me ask God, God, what are you trying to show me?
38:15
Well, Nudro, thank you for your vulnerability.
38:18
Thank you for your honesty. And thank you for trusting half-faith.
38:20
Let it begin at me with your story, which is not over. We're just getting started.
38:25
And to every creator of this listening, every friend, every person who has joined
38:30
us tonight, thank you for respecting this conversation.
38:34
Thank you for listening. And thank you for being a part of it.
38:38
Let me leave you with my specialty, my spiritual goodbye.
38:42
Boudreaux, before we close tonight, I want you to say something.
38:46
I want to say actually something to you first, and now I'll let you say something to the people.
38:51
You're special, not because of a title, not because you're a leader,
38:58
not because of how many people you know your name, and not because you've somehow
39:05
figured everything out.
39:07
You're very special because you are a child of God, you are in love by God,
39:11
and your life has a value.
39:13
And I hope you will never forget that because you are a direct reflection of
39:19
your daughter, and she should be honored.
39:21
And I know she's going to be honored to know that she has a role model like you.
39:25
Your scars are a part of your story, but they're not your identity.
39:30
Your pain is a part of your journey, but it does not get to define your fear.
39:35
And the things that you've been going through and been through do not change
39:39
the fact that God loves you.
39:41
So thank you for trusting us enough to be vulnerable tonight.
39:44
Thank you for allowing people to see the person behind the titles.
39:47
And thank you for reminding us that sometimes servant leadership isn't about standing above people.
39:53
Sometimes it's about being willing to sit beside them.
39:56
And God knows that's what you do on this platform. And now I say something to
40:01
every creator and every person watching us tonight.
40:04
If you've entered this live because you know Boudreaux, maybe you knew me.
40:10
Maybe somebody shared the live with you. Or maybe you're just scrolling TikTok
40:14
and somehow ended up here.
40:16
Whatever brought you here, I want you to know, leaving right now,
40:21
that you matter, that you have
40:22
value, and God loves you, and maybe you're carrying scars nobody can see.
40:28
Maybe you're questioning your purpose. Maybe you're smiling for everybody else
40:32
while privately wondering how much longer you can keep going.
40:36
Listen to Boudreaux. Please remember, the darkest chapter does not have to end.
40:42
Of your story you don't need to have everything figured out tonight sometimes
40:46
faith is simply having enough strength to say,
40:51
god i don't understand where you're taking me but i'm still willing to trust
40:55
you with the next step boudreaux you get the last word,
41:00
okay well jesus i'll everything just says crazy because one of the same things
41:05
i say all the time is that your past isn't meant to define you it's just it's
41:09
meant to mold you into the person that god that God's destiny to become.
41:12
It's like one of my favorite sayings in the whole wide world.
41:15
And as far as not understanding John 13, 7, you may not know what I'm doing
41:18
now, but soon you'll understand.
41:20
Again, favorite, Jeremiah 29, 11 is tattooed on my arm because his plan's always
41:27
cooler than mine, right? But at the end of the day, oh, I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry.
41:32
Hold it. Hold it. You almost made it. Hold it. We're almost done.
41:36
I got to re-glue my eyelashes. It's good stuff. Yeah.
41:41
All of us were given a God-given gift. And it is our job and it is our duty
41:47
as children to find out what that is.
41:50
And it's your job to utilize your gift to make the world a better place.
41:53
If you haven't found it yet, I strongly suggest you figure it out and quit.
41:58
Because once you start doing this job, man, life gets just a little bit easier.
42:03
If you have found it and you are utilizing it to make the world a better place, thank you.
42:08
So it's not easy to answer God's call, but when you do, it is the most beautiful thing in the world.
42:14
Couldn't say it better myself. Well, Ujo, creators, friends,
42:18
and everyone who spent this time with us tonight, may God give you strength
42:21
for what you're carrying. May he give you wisdom for the decisions ahead of you.
42:25
And may he give you peace in the places where you still have questions.
42:29
And may he remind you that you are seen, you are valued, and you are loved.
42:33
Keep the faith keep moving forward and remember the little faith can change your entire day.