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Why Your Brain Calls It Familiar: The Red-Flag Connection · A Capture Deep Vibs A Positive Space For Inspiration And Embracing Of Heart

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  Speaker 1: Red flags have entered our collective consciousness quickly as more
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  Speaker 1: and more people have used the term to describe negative traits,
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  Speaker 1: particularly in dating. Sometimes these red flags go unnoticed for
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  Speaker 1: a deeper reason, a reason that is very unique to
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  Speaker 1: you and your life experiences. This happens when red flags
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  Speaker 1: feel like home. It's no secret that our parents have
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  Speaker 1: a huge effect on us, even into adulthood. The way
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  Speaker 1: you were raised can determine a lot about what you
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  Speaker 1: want in your relationship. For example, If you were raised
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  Speaker 1: to be neat and tidy to the point that it
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  Speaker 1: comes naturally, you would probably be very uncomfortable dating someone
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  Speaker 1: who is happily messy. The same goes for the negative
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  Speaker 1: parts of how we were raised. Familiar behavior, even if negative,
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  Speaker 1: seems normal and therefore goes unnoticed or is even expected. 1.
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  Speaker 1: Avoiding conflict at all costs. Arguments are normal in relationships.
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  Speaker 1: They help us understand our relationships better and smooth out
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  Speaker 1: where our personalities clash. It might surprise you to learn
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  Speaker 1: that not every little clash has to be an argument.
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  Speaker 1: We should be able to accept responsibility and apologize if
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  Speaker 1: we've done something wrong. If our parents are the type
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  Speaker 1: of people who sweep their mistakes under the rug and
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  Speaker 1: pretend they never happened, that could eventually seem normal to us.
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  Speaker 1: A study revealed that children understand responsibility to be defined
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  Speaker 1: by honesty and fairness. If your parents struggle to apologize
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  Speaker 1: or to be honest with you, look out for those
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  Speaker 1: red flags in your relationship. 2. OVERLY CRITICAL When we're young,
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  Speaker 1: we rely on our parents, who have more life experience
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  Speaker 1: than us, to be our first teachers and to guide
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  Speaker 1: us on how to get through life. When you think
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  Speaker 1: about it, that is a huge task. Sometimes, our parents
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  Speaker 1: may have a harsh approach to this delicate process, and
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  Speaker 1: feel the urge to insert their own rigid views onto everything.
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  Speaker 1: This could mean growing up without a sense of progression,
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  Speaker 1: never truly knowing if you're succeeding at something because the
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  Speaker 1: automatic response from your parents was always critical. chores, academics,
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  Speaker 1: and sports were likely always chosen for you by your parents.
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  Speaker 1: It's even possible that your parents criticized you for the
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  Speaker 1: friends you chose. This can manifest as a red flag
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  Speaker 1: in your dating life if your partner is also very
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  Speaker 1: controlling and critical. They could try to disguise it as
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  Speaker 1: helping you, but know the person you're with should usually
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  Speaker 1: be encouraging. If they do have concerns, they should have
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  Speaker 1: a clear line of reasoning. If you face criticism no
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  Speaker 1: matter what, in most facets, inside and outside of the relationship,
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  Speaker 1: That is a red flag that probably feels very familiar.
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  Speaker 1: On the other hand, your partner might seem too dependent
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  Speaker 1: on you. Perhaps you subconsciously attract people who are going
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  Speaker 1: through a rough patch or have an existing mental illness.
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  Speaker 1: But that isn't always true for some couples. Perhaps you
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  Speaker 1: feel like your partner asks the world of you. This
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  Speaker 1: can come across as needy or possessive. For example, they
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  Speaker 1: may guilt you into canceling plans at the last minute
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  Speaker 1: because they don't want you to go. They might also
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  Speaker 1: refuse to learn from their mistakes and do things you
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  Speaker 1: don't like even after you've set that boundary. You might
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  Speaker 1: not notice this red flag if your parents were overly
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  Speaker 1: dependent on you or simply lacked boundaries. You might have
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  Speaker 1: had very little time growing up because your parents constantly
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  Speaker 1: needed you for something or didn't care if you wanted
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  Speaker 1: to see a friend or just take the day off.
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  Speaker 1: When parents rely on you too much, it can cause parentification,
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  Speaker 1: which is the term for growing up too fast. It
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  Speaker 1: can happen when you're required to do the majority of
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  Speaker 1: the physical work. or if you have to look after
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  Speaker 1: your parents mentally or emotionally, this could have prevented you
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  Speaker 1: from truly acknowledging your own needs and that you were
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  Speaker 1: allowed to prioritize yourself. 4. Never good enough. Do you
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  Speaker 1: dread talking to your parents because you know they're going
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  Speaker 1: to tell you that you aren't doing enough? Your job
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  Speaker 1: isn't good enough. You aren't achieving enough. You aren't the
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  Speaker 1: absolute best player on your team or the smartest in
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  Speaker 1: your class. It's more than just criticism. Common lines you
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  Speaker 1: might have heard are, I just want what's best for you,
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  Speaker 1: or you're so talented you could go so far. It
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  Speaker 1: sounds nice when they put it like that, but if
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  Speaker 1: these are your parents, you know that they're really saying,
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  Speaker 1: I'm disappointed, you're not good enough. Growing up, it seems
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  Speaker 1: like they had very little interest in what was making
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  Speaker 1: you happier, what achievements made you proud, and yet they
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  Speaker 1: were overly involved. Now in your romantic relationships, if your
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  Speaker 1: partner is constantly hinting that they are disappointed in you
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  Speaker 1: or comparing you to others, you might not realize that
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  Speaker 1: this is a huge red flag. Don't let others make
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  Speaker 1: you think that you're pursuing the wrong kind of success
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  Speaker 1: because everyone defines it differently. When we love someone, there's
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  Speaker 1: a lot that we can forgive. If we're used to
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  Speaker 1: bad behavior, we can forgive a whole lot more. But
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  Speaker 1: is it worth it? Even at the expense of your
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  Speaker 1: mental health? We hope this video has made you a
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  Speaker 1: little more aware of the red flags out there. Don't
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  Speaker 1: let bad behavior slide just because you're used to it.
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  Speaker 1: If you found this video helpful or informative, please leave
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  Speaker 1: a like and subscribe to Psych2Go for more videos like this.
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  Speaker 1: We hope you find the person who treats you right.
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  Speaker 1: You've got this.