Latest / Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce / 87. Manifesting your new life after Divorce! A Proven Framework to Relieve your Grief

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87. Manifesting your new life after Divorce! A Proven Framework to Relieve your Grief · Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce

• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Hi love, the New Year is just around the corner, so producer Joy and I handpicked this episode from the vault to help you get started in a meaningful way.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: This episode is all about manifesting your life after divorce.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Fun fact, your current life is a manifestation of the way that you have been thinking and feeling.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: So the goal here is to manifest, with intention, a life that you desire, and this episode is going to teach you how to do that.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Hi love, this is Dawn and you're listening to Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the post-divorce life and you, the woman who lives it.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: We cover everything from trauma during and after divorce to feeling like a stranger in your own life and the new frontier of life as a single woman.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Cozy in for the conversations you've been longing to have about this new life.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: In this episode, we're going to unpack how to use manifesting to create the life you actually want after divorce.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: We're going to teach you the keys to attracting both money and soulmates maybe more than one and we're going to talk about how music can help you with your manifestation process.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Let's do it, hi love.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Today we're going to talk about manifesting and how you can use manifesting to create the life you want.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: After divorce, I am obsessed with this topic.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: It has been really a large focus of my life for the last year.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I think we're always manifesting all the time.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: First things first.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: You're not manifesting right now.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: You're already manifesting, but we're going to talk about how to do it with intention to create the life you want.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: This has definitely been a journey for me, and one that I would love to shortcut for you.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Wouldn't it be nice if we could not have to take as long to find all the delicious goodness in life?
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: Let's first establish what does manifesting mean?
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: I love how Abraham Hicks calls this, because she just says manifesting is the process of turning thoughts into things.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, that makes sense, right, like here I'm in this house.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Somewhere someone had a thought about how to build a house and they took that thought and that idea and the momentum they felt around building and they turned it into a thing.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Right, everything that we experience, that we have in life, whether it's a material possession or it's a job or it's a relationship, it started with a thought, an idea that perhaps had a lot of desire wrapped around it.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: And so, when we acknowledge our thoughts and then we create a nice runway to turn those thoughts into things.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: This is the process of refining that thoughts into things runway so that you can stop sabotaging yourself, maybe stop getting in your own way.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Does that sound familiar, perhaps.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: And so manifesting is a process of turning thoughts into things, and how you start is by getting really clear that you're in charge of your thoughts and turning them into things, so taking full responsibility that what is currently manifested in your life is a reflection of thoughts that you had at some point along the way.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Now that may be a bitter, effing pill to swallow.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Don, I think you just told me that what I'm experiencing is my fault.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: I did not say that because I don't believe in fault.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Fault is comes from blame.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: Blame is a way of staying stuck in low self esteem, low self worth, low vibration.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: It lacks grace.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: It literally leaves us on the lower half of the emotional scale, not being able to manifest our dreams and our desires.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: So blame is like in victimhood, like I can't, he can't, they can't, I everyone else can, but I can't, not me, I'm not worthy, I, it must be me, I must be the problem.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Thank you, taylor Swift.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: So how you start is by really radically owning that.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: What you think is what you create, and if you can work with that and get past being mad at me for saying it, it will be on the right track.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: So the next thing to look at is how to manifest something.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: Well, if we just operate from the premise that what we think about is what becomes in our environment, then what is it that you want to manifest?
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: If you want to manifest a different relationship or a different job or a different financial situation or a different I don't know, you name it health situation, right, I work a lot on manifesting health Then you have to really become emotionally the vibration of the thing that you want.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: So there's this really cool emotional scale that goes from despair Maybe even there's something lower than despair, I can't remember, but despair all the way up to like bliss, and in that emotional scale, every emotion has a vibrational frequency, just like hmm, did you ever play the xylophone or hear the xylophone when you were in high school?
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: I was a band nerd, so maybe this example rings for you, maybe it doesn't right, but each bar that you would hit with the mallet, it resonates, it vibrates and it there's a corresponding tone we hear in our ears right.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: So emotions are just like those notes on a scale.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: Whether it's a piano or it's a xylophone, it has a vibration.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: You can feel it.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: If you've ever been at a concert or a club, you can feel the vibration of the music.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Emotions are the same way.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: Everything really in our reality is vibrational.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Everything is energy.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: We are all made up of energy and vibration in emotion has so much to do with how we manifest our thoughts into things.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Now, when we are having thoughts and corresponding emotions that are high vibe and they're higher on the emotional scale, then we are calling those positive things into our existence.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: We are turning positive thoughts into things.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Where people tend to get bogged down is, let's say, we create a vision board and vision boards are so powerful because they are tools for manifestation.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: But if you create a vision board and then you don't do any work to tending your mental emotional garden, that vision board is going to take a lot longer to come to pass.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: So the key is to get clear about what you want you want.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: That's another key.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: A lot of people often are hyper focused on what they don't want, which is lower on that scarcity Right.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: So get focused on what you want and then tend your mental and emotional garden so that you can feel happy, so that you can feel desire rather than an absence of desire and absence of joy.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: Now, when manifesting in love, this is one of my favorite topics, because manifesting love versus a relationship, versus a hookup Right.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: So like, let's be clear, what is it that you want to manifest?
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: If you want to manifest love and we understand that your thoughts turn into things well, what kind of thoughts would you need to have and what kind of emotional vibration would you need to have to turn your thoughts and your vibrations into love?
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: And I fricking love this, because it means sweet one that you have to fall in love with you, because how could you have negative thoughts about yourself, how could you have negative emotions about yourself and call someone who thinks and feels about you that you're magical?
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Right, when you get clear in your thoughts and your emotions that you are magical, you will manifest a love that is so powerful.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Now, the other thing to keep in mind about this, because sometimes you want to know how can I attract my soulmate?
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: I actually think that these are two different.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: They really are two different inquiries.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: You are going to attract your soulmate.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: No matter what your soulmate is coming.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: You cannot screw that up.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: You are going to attract soulmates.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: They're not just partners, they're children, they're friends, they're coworkers, they're like.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: We have all kinds of soulmates in life, not just romantic ones.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: Right, you are always attracting those things.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: But you are going to attract a mate based on where you are vibrationally.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: So, if you are resentful, if you are feeling shitty about yourself, if you are feeling small, if you are feeling helpless, like, you are going to attract soulmates that have this similar vibration.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: And, ps, some people who truly have a small vibration, they feel small about themselves.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Those are the people that come across as angry, because that's how they manage that, right.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: So you're going to be attracting people who either have equally low self-esteem and or come across as oppressive and abusive, and right.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: So you're going to attract soulmates.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Because soulmates are meant to help us really expand into the fullness of our souls and sometimes love.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: When we have not gotten it yet that we're magical, those soulmates are there to help us transform our perception.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: So, aka, we grow through pain.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: So you're going to attract your soulmates.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Your ex is your soulmate, not in the way you're used to thinking about it, though, right.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: You're like screw you, don is not.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because everything that we attract to us is meant to help us level up, and so manifesting in love is really about finding vibrations of love inside of us.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Attracting your soulmate is going to happen whether you like what you attract or not, but you get to decide how well you're going to tend your thought feeling garden so that your soulmate feels delicious or feels like a lesson.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Right, can we, can I?
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you agree that you want to be done with the lessons now.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: You're ready.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: You're ready for the deliciousness?
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Right, let's talk about how you can attract money.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Well, so often I mentioned this a moment ago we are focused on what we don't have or what we don't want, rather than what we do.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: So so often with money, there are a lot of thoughts and emotions that we have around not having enough of it.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: We get really scared about not having enough of it and we get really angry about not having enough of it and we kind of ruminate on feeling stuck around that and then we do behaviors according to it, like maybe avoiding things like oh, I see this a lot.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: Maybe avoiding doing the self-care, things like paying for the therapy appointment, the chiropractor appointment, the Reiki appointment, like not wanting to pay for the things that are actually going to help your vibration increase, because you're afraid to spend the money, because you might not have enough.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: So this is how I've always managed money around health and well-being.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: I understand that the more money I spend in really fulfilling places that help me heal and help my vibration rise, I know that automatically, by doing those things, the money is going to come back to me because my vibration is going to rise, I'm going to go higher, I'm going to feel better, I'm going to attract things at a different level.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be manifesting positive thoughts, more positive thoughts, into things, because by healing I'm shedding baggage, I'm shedding toxins, I'm shedding pain.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: So the more pain we can put down and let go, the higher we float, the higher we rise and then the more magical the things are that come to us.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: So attracting money is really about being able to and really everything about this conversation about manifestation is really being able to rest in the knowing that the universe has your back.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Your higher power has always been there, is inside of you, is with you and gets where you've been and where you're going and where you are and is on your team, is actively trying to work with you.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: But so often we get stuck in trying to control, and manifesting is not a way of controlling an outcome.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: It's actually a way of letting go into an outcome.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: Sit with that for a moment, because this was hard for me in the beginning with manifesting, when I was really leaning into it intentionally.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Manifesting is not a way of controlling your outcome.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: It's a way of letting go, to just allow it to come in.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: But that only comes when we really let go and trust that your higher power is with you, gets you and is in the process of delivering all the things you're praying for to you.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: So how can you attract money?
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: You can get really clear about what you need and what you want, how much you need and want it doesn't just have to be need-based love and then put it out there to the universe, your higher power, god, whatever it is for you, right?
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: And then you've got to let it go and just say I am no longer gonna focus on how much I have, because how much I have has nothing to do with what is coming, and I'm gonna focus on getting happy in between.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna focus on feeling delicious desire around how I'm gonna spend the money when it comes, like just really getting in that juicy place of what it would feel like to be carefree if all these problems were already solved.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: Now, that's tricky right, and there's a lot of tools around how to stay high-vibes and we talk about them a lot on the pod.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: But that's how you do it.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: You set your desire and then you let it go and you trust that it's coming and you act as if Emotionally and in your thoughts.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about what you should not say while manifesting.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: So I don't know that.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I think that the key to avoid while manifesting is focusing on what you don't have or what you don't want.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: Right, it's to stay in the affirmative.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: So when you're thinking about I just had to stand in line for 30 minutes and I did not want to do that and it really screwed up my whole day, it's to switch it to this I just got to stand in line for 30 minutes and I don't know why, but I do understand that everything's always working out for me.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: I, something about this must be really lining things up for me.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: I did not want to get into that argument with my coworker, but something about this must really be lining things up for me, because everything is always working out for me.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: I really want to understand how my ex's behavior is lining things up for me.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: I really want to understand how some of these challenges are preparing me for all the things I'm manifesting.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: I really want to trust that everything is lining up for me.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: I really want, I really want, I really want right Switching that I don't want and I kind of took it up incrementally there.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: Right, I started from I don't want something must be happening here to I'm curious about, to I want right.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: It's like incrementally shifting from focusing on what you don't want to what you do want, shifting to kind of some habitual problem-focused thoughts, to really really solution-focused thoughts.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: I really love how Abraham Hicks talks about when you're driving in the car the windshield isn't in the floor of the car, meaning so often it's not useful to be focusing on where we are.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: Yes, sometimes we have things that come up and we need to let them process through, but when we stay focused on where we are versus where we're going, right, if the windshield was always in the floor of the car, we might crash a lot.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Well, we would definitely crash a lot right.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: So moving our windshield of life into positive anticipation, that's how to really be going in a direction of positive manifestation.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: I've heard the question asked can you manifest through music?
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: And it's a really interesting and lovely question.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: The thing to know about music is it has such a powerful way of hooking us and shifting our vibration.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: Music can help us to feel so many ways and when we use that to our advantage, oh yes, you can manifest through music.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: So if you are wanting to do some work around manifestation and you're wanting to tend your mental emotional garden and you put on music that leads you to feel low, that's not going to help your manifestation.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: But if you put on music that helps you to feel on fire and powerful and winning and joyful and held and safe and trusting and right like, I can think of a lot of really powerful ballads that help me feel powerful, and then I can think about a lot of really powerful spiritual music that helps me feel really safe and cared for.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: So when we use music in this way, absolutely it is going to help you manifest, because every time you can shift your vibration, you can tip it up.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: Anytime you can tip it up just a level that is moving in the direction you want to go.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: So if you can shift from sad to accepting, from accepting to kind of powerful, right Like, you could definitely do that, probably in a playlist at the gym one afternoon.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: So I want to encourage you that, even when you're not intentionally manifesting, to notice how you're using music.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: Sometimes music helps us connect with what we're feeling and that's valuable.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: But I don't want you to stay there, right?
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: So if you feel like you need a good cry and you put on a couple of songs that help you get that out beautiful, then shift it to the upbeat music, because the more time you spend staying in the lower vibrational states, the harder it is to turn the things that you desperately want into things.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: Finally, what happens when you raise your vibration?
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: Well, you get happy, right, and this is the profound difference that this process has made in my life this year.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: In fact, I was talking to someone yesterday who we were chatting skincare and we were kind of lamenting wrinkles and she was considering micro-needling and I was like, yeah, I just can't.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: I've been willing historically to do a lot in the name of beauty, but that's just not somewhere I've been willing to go.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: And so I said but I have made some really great changes that I've noticed have really helped my skin.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: This year, for instance, I switched to a natural skincare line called Bamboo Earth Love it.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: That has been kind of a game changer.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: But also, I got really ridiculously happy last year and you know what?
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: I haven't gotten Botox since.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: Literally, my forehead is so much less wrinkled and it's not perfect, but I know that I'm training my muscles to be happy, which means not scowling, and that's a game changer, right?
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: Do you know how much money I've saved on Botox in the last six months from raising my vibration?
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: It's epic and OPS.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: That's turning my thoughts into things right.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: So, a, I spent less money, so I have more money, and B, my wrinkles are better.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Like.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: We could do so many powerful things through raising our vibration and manifesting our thoughts into happy, happy things.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: And so does that mean that I intentionally, was manifesting things about my skin?
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: Yes, I have manifested things about my skin, about my hair, around my weight, around my body composition, around my relationships, around my health, around money, around.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, love.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: The fact that you and I are sitting here together right now is absolutely a manifestation.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: It was a thought.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: I could do a podcast.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: That was turned into a thing and, through the power of attraction, we find ourselves here together today, and so you must already be working to raise your vibration, or you wouldn't be sitting here in love.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: So notice that you're already doing it.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: It's just about getting intentional around it, because too often we let our mind go absolutely nuts with all of its gibber jabber and we just say I don't know how to make it stop.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: But if I told you that all of your positive manifestations are on the other side of you, learning how to manage your thoughts, would you feel more motivated to do so?
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Because that was a game changer for me.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: If I told you that all of your positive manifestations are on the other side of you, being able to rest, the universe has your back, I get.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: You're saying, of course I want these things done.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Do you think I don't want these things?
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: I don't know how I know, but the answers are everywhere, right.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: We talk about them all the time.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: It's just chipping away at it, and that's all I've done over the years is chipped away and chipped away, and chipped away and reclaimed pieces of myself and reclaim pieces and reclaim pieces.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: I started reading a book this week that I cannot believe I have never read before.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: It has been in my orbit for so long.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: It's called the Untethered Soul.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: The first couple of chapters I freaking love because in those first couple of chapters it teaches a person how to manage their thoughts, how to get distance from that crazy roommate in your brain.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: So there are so many tools.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: It's just a manner of focusing on them and owning the fact that we talked about this in the very beginning, that you have all the power.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: You have all the power to do the things.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: And we're not really trained to believe that, right, we are trained to say the politicians have the power, the doctors have the power, the parents have the power, the people you know other people have power, but I don't have power.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: And so just know that that was just a thing.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: Right, that was just a thing, that was a trend and it's not a trend anymore, like now.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: The trend is love.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: You are ridiculously powerful and this is me calling you to stand in that, to move into that, and it's not gonna come all at once.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: It's a gestation period and that's kind of annoying, right, but it's true.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: You know, it took 40 weeks to have a baby, and it doesn't have to take 40 weeks to have a manifestation baby, though there is a lot of information out there that says that within 30 days, you can raise your vibration so significantly that you start to manifest very real thoughts into things, and I can attest to that.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: I can absolutely attest Last year just to give you some these are like I would call them silly examples, right, but I manifested redoing my daughter's playroom, her bedroom, the floors in our bedroom.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: We took out old, horrible pet stained carpet and put in hardwood.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: These are silly little things, but it's like.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: This was where this was my playground to start, right, where these little things.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: And rather than worry about where it was gonna come from or how it was gonna happen or whether or not there was gonna be enough right, I just started following these beautiful little urges and relaxing a little more into the idea that the universe had my back a little more, a little more, a little more.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: And then eventually, there's so much momentum going it's gonna sound bananas to you.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's not gonna sound bananas to you.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: I should stop saying that that a couple of weeks ago I had a very real impulse to go buy a car.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: So I went and bought a car and I refused to look at the price because I knew that that would affect my vibration.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: So this is where really about, I'm gonna say less than a year of manifesting has brought me Freaking powerful stuff.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: So, love, are you up for it?
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: Right To turn your thoughts into things, using the power of managing your mind and raising your emotional vibration.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: So some key recaps deciding that you can do it and that it's up to you and being consistent with it, and resting in the idea that the universe has your back.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: So you could pick up the book Untethered Soul to help you take a step in this direction.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: You could, like you asked, listen to some music that helps you get really, really happy, and when all of those negative thoughts pop in, you could say, ooh, I'm gonna choose to think about something delicious and happy and to know that I'm doing it to build myself a freaking beautiful future.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: I love you so much.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: Talk soon, peace, dear Divorce Diary is a podcast by my Coach, john.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: You can find more at MyCoachJohncom.