Latest / The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast / 195. The Reasons Why Your Husbands Sexual Desire For You Is So Strong.. And Why You Should Be Grateful For It!

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195. The Reasons Why Your Husbands Sexual Desire For You Is So Strong.. And Why You Should Be Grateful For It! · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Alright, welcome to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, and in this episode we're going to talk about the reasons why your husband's sexual desire for you is so strong and why you should be grateful for it.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: And we are going to say we recognize it's not always the husband's.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: We have many wives who reach out to us that say they are the higher desire spouse, but it is the majority of husbands that have the higher desire, so that's why it's titled what it's titled.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: And please know that if you are the wife, that is the stronger desire.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Just think of this podcast as the higher desire drive instead of the husband.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: Correct Right Yep.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: After a lot of the surveys that we've taken, I think it's up to 25 or 30% of at least our audience that have said they are now the higher drive spouse, the wives, which is shocking to me and to you.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: For sure.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: But it is what it is, because there's a lot of crap in society that's I don't know, that's affecting that.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree 100%, and we've talked about this often like the reason why we wanted to put and why you should be grateful for it, is you should be grateful for it.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: You should be grateful that your spouse desires you, that is attracted to you, that wants to connect intimately with you We've talked about this before in several other podcasts that sex is so much more than just sex.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: So many women think, oh, my husband just wants to get off, it's just about sex.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: That is not true.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Whether you agree with me or not, that is not true For most marriages.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: You may have some guys out there that they that's all they want, right, but for most marriages out there, sex is so much more.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: And, as you've seen the polls that we've done in the past, where we have something like 91 or 92% of both men and women state that sexual intimacy is a key to the happiness in their marriage, you take that one stat alone and you cut out the sexual intimacy in your marriage.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: You're not going to have a happy marriage if you cut out the sexual intimacy in your marriage.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: Well, that's because you just have a roommate and that's not what anybody, or 99.9% of people signed up for, right.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think one of the frustrating things, and I think it's natural and I hope this comes out the right way with what I'm trying to say but I think sex is such a powerful emotion and both men and women know that.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: We both know how important sexual intimacy is.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: We both know how powerful that emotion is and I think that's why couples often use it as a weapon.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: They often use it as a weapon to whether it's control their spouse or Try to prove a point or punish their spouse or Get what they want like.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: There's probably a million different reasons that people use sexual intimacy to manipulate or do something in their relationship.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: If really, if we really separated sexual intimacy and I guess, from a lot of other things that we deal with and I I know that's not possible to do because sexual intimacy is tied to the emotional intimacy and so many other aspects of marriage but if there was a way to take out the toxic part of Trying to control the sexual intimacy or using it as a weapon or Something like that, how much better off marriages would be.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: Did that come out right?
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: You take out anything toxic and that can definitely be used and I think it does and and sometimes not intentional either.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not intentional.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: I mean, we talked about transactional sex and all right.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure and how.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Sometimes that's not always a bad thing, but sometimes it can be a really bad thing.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: So for sure, yeah, you said that perfect.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: So diving in First thing, you know, for many husbands or many men and and women.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: Okay, just know what I'm saying for many husbands and many men.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: I'm also saying for the high-drive wife the high-drive wife right.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: Sexual intimacy is a an emotional way to feel connected to their wife or their spouse.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: It's also a way of expressing love, like there is nothing more gratifying to me or there is nothing that makes me feel loved more than being intimate with Amy right, like just going back to the other podcast, whether that makes sense or not, um.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: It's probably not going to make sense to a lot of lower-drive spouses Because they're not feeling that need right.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah they're not feeling that need.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: That's when your spouse, and that's the thing that you always say you can't argue with people's feelings, right, because you, you don't know how they're feeling.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: You you can't say I know how you're feeling because you're not in their brain.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: You literally don't know how to feel what they're feeling, so but facts you can facts you can, but feelings you can't argue with.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: So when your spouse says, I feel loved when you make love to me, you can't argue with that.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: If that's how they feel loved, that's how they feel loved, it's a feeling right.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: And if you go back, I wish we would have looked it up before we started this.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: We did a podcast episode where we did a massive survey on what sexual intimacy does for a higher-dive spouse, like the feelings quote feelings that come with that and the answers and the poll answers were astonishing at how emotional sex is to those spouses.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: It was.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: In fact, I don't recall we had tons and tons of answers and I don't recall if we had any that's like from a guy.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: That's just like oh, I just want to have sex.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: None, none.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: Like it was not about that, like everything was about.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: I love my wife.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: I want to connect with my wife emotionally and sexually.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: This is the way I show love.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: This is the way I feel love, like everything was different than what maybe the world would make you think.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: Sexual connection is.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: I was 100% shocked by all the answers.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: I thought that I would get some of those men out there that were just like it feels good.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I just want to.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: I got.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: We got none of those.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: We got hundreds and hundreds of answers from men, and they were some of the most romantic answers.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, there are good husbands out there.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: They literally just want to feel close to their spouse.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: Well, okay, and imagine to imagine if you're a why for, like I said, the lower desired spouse Okay.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: So if you're complaining that your husband wants to be intimate with you too often or you know you don't like that, imagine how you'd feel if he never even looked at you or touched you or acknowledged or didn't initiate it or initiated right.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: How would you feel that way?
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: You'd feel the same.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: You'd be like wait what?
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: Why does he not desire me what's going on?
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: So you take it away, it's a whole other situation, yeah, so be careful, you know.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: Be careful what you wish for, I guess, so to speak.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: But again, we're talking about why you should be grateful that your husband desires you sexually the way he does.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: And we're not going to get into that balance Like what's too much, what's not enough, like go back to that episode.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: Is there too much?
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Is there a thing as too much sexual intimacy?
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Go back to that episode.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: There absolutely is.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: We're talking about a healthy balance which is different for everybody.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah for sure, All right.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: Obviously, if he wants to be intimate with you, he has a physical attraction to you.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: That should be flattering.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: Now there's some women out there probably saying oh, he's not, you know, he just he just wants it.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: Again, I go back to a previous episode we did with married at first sight.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: Like for most, like the majority of couples, like if they're not physically attracted to each other, or one spouse isn't physically attracted, they don't want anything to do with sex.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: They're not making love.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: They're not making love, that, in fact, they're saying I'm not going to because I'm not physically attracted to you.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Which we just did, a podcast episode on physical attraction.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: If you suffer with this in your marriage, go back to that episode, because we're not going to get into it here.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: But physical attraction is huge.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: If your spouse is craving to be intimate with you, they are obviously physically attracted to you and, again, that's flattering.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Exactly Take it as a compliment.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Like the fact that, yes, I can get annoyed if it's too much.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: I get that.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: But the fact I had to step back and be like he really wants to make love to me, like I am flattered by that, like if he didn't I would be like wait.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: What's wrong?
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: What's wrong?
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: I think, as women especially, we need to look at it and be like I Need to take this as an expression of he's super desiring me, like that is what most the people that aren't married we get a lot of people actually that even comment or message us that aren't married and they would dream To have found that person to share life with and have these experiences, with the good and the bad and the intimacy and the sex, sexual intimacy if you're in a marriage where your spouse craves and desires you.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: Be grateful for that.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Oh, great for that.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: Next is it's a stress relief and I I can totally vouch for this it sexual intimacy, like when I'm stressed.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: For some people, when they're stressed, they they don't desire sex right.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: For other people, it's like they even desire it more and I think sex can be a great stress relief To just Unwind and take a lot of pressure off.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: If you have a husband that has a lot of stress because of their work, watch what happens when you're intimate.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: It's like that stress goes away.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: He's going to be more, better tempered, less stressed, like I don't know.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: It's just Absolutely.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: I want to add to the stress thing the the person that is the lower drive spouse Needs to understand this.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: Like sex is actually a major stress relief, and I'll tell you why.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: We actually did research on the vibrator to find out that it was actually created to lower stress for women.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Right Orgasms actually proven lower stress.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: Depression and anxiety as well.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: Depression and anxiety and stress.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why all three of those things.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: So sometimes we need to look at sexual intimacy, which was created by God for reasons, many reasons.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I think that this can be good for you.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is not just good for your marriage.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: Life can get stressful.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: This is a way for both spouses to connect unwind enjoy each other.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: Have some fun again.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: And reduce the stress for a period of time.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: So, even though in our marriage, if I'm stressed, that's the last thing I'm thinking about, right Like I'm a low drive and if I'm stressed, I want more, to even be connected.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: But the fact that I have realized like that is good for me physically, emotionally, it's good for my marriage.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: When I start looking at those benefits, I'm like, if I'm in the mood or not, it's good for me.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: I need to get in the mood.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure I love this.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: Next one to me is huge.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: It's validation and security.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: Being desired sexually can provide that security and that validation in the relationship and it also can make you feel wanted and loved Going back to it as well.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: On the flip side, for men for most men, that is how a man feels loved.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: I feel loved through sexual intimacy with Amy.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: That is the way I know she loves me and I've said this before.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: When we were going through the tough times we're going through, sexual intimacy was the one thing that let me know that she still loves me, she still desires me.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: So I think having having that validation, that security, knowing that I am loved because of that, is a huge thing.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: I 100% agree that sexual intimacy brings a ton of security when it's healthy, it's loving, it's uniting all those things.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, and it you absolutely validates your love, like we talked about in a way previous episode, that sexual intimacy is a temperature gauge for your marriage.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: And it really is it really is like validation.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: Like when you're having an amazing sex life in your marriage, your marriage is probably at a really good point and that's what we all want, right?
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Like we want that gauge to be at the top.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Like marriage is awesome and it's not always going to be there.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: It takes a lot of work to keep it there or to even get it there, and it can fluctuate, but when you're having good sexual intimacy, that's absolutely a great place to be.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, obviously, sex is great it's when it's great for both.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of pleasure, there's a lot of satisfaction.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: It can be a lot of fun, like I don't know.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: For me, anyways, I look forward like I am the anticipation, just looking forward to connecting with Amy and having fun, and there's just something about sexual intimacy that brings you closer together.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: I love a couple of the other things really that we hit on as well too, which is relationship satisfaction.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: I'll bet you 95% of couples well, we already know that from the poll, which was 90, I think 92% but couples feel like their relationship is better, they're more satisfied with their relationship, they feel like their relationship is healthier when they are having frequent sexual intimacy and again, this was from both husbands and wives and couples that aren't having that connection, that frequent sexual intimacy, are not as satisfied with their relationship.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, and I think there's something not to get off track here, but I think there's something about even just the mental aspect of like we have a good marriage, versus thinking that, oh, you know, our marriage kind of sucks compared to everyone else.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: Right, Yep.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: Like even just that mental attitude of how your marriage, how you feel your marriage is, can make all the difference in the world.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: But don't compare your marriage.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: But don't compare your marriage, because everyone probably looks happy and they're probably not, and hopefully they are, but they might not be.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I love the also the reason why you should be grateful that your husband desires you sexually.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: Also, the communication and the bonding for most men, as we've talked about before, when they are being intimate with their wife, when they're feeling loved, they're going to feel more emotionally connected to their spouse.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: They're going to want to talk more and have that communication and that emotional intimacy and that bonding because they feel safe and love because that sexual intimacy is happening 100% I.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: It shocks me that some women have kind of gotten to a point where they just no longer even desire it and it saddens me because it's so great for both people Like it's supposed to be so great for both people If it's not great for the lower, like if you're a lower driver, you're like okay, I literally don't crave this at all, like I don't want it all.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: You gotta figure out why.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: Like gotta figure out why you're not craving it.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Like I'm looking at myself all the time and be like okay, what is it?
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: Why don't I want it Like?
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Why don't I want it as much as he wants it?
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: What can I do to fix that?
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: Is it emotional reasons?
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Is it stress reasons?
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: Is it an imbalance in my body?
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: Like what is that reason?
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: Because I know that if women are having like orgasm every time and it feels amazing and just past the physical part, but you know, like when you have amazing sexual intimacy, especially like when you're first married, and those feelings are really strong, you know how good that is right.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Like we've all been there.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: I mean like that was an amazing night.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: Don't we want that more often?
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: Like when you've experienced that, it's like awesome.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: So if you're not experienced.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: Is that why?
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: What is the deeper reason?
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and again we're talking about like healthy couples.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: Obviously, if you are in a relationship where there's abuse or you're not being treated right or whatever, we understand why you don't want to be intimate.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: We totally get it.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: But if you were in a marriage where you're both treating each other with respect, you both love each other, like Amy's talking about, find out the reasons why and that's one of the reasons Amy is doing what she's doing right, Pursuing what she's doing.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: Pursuing the medical treatments.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah I want my libido back.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: I want to crave it, because I remember how awesome it was to be able to crave it, like to have your body and like always be like excited and like have those feelings Like I can't wait to make love to you, like who doesn't want to feel like that right?
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Like if that's missing, what is that deeper issue?
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: And you just got done saying like if this, I mean obviously we're talking to people in healthy situations, but if you're not, I truly believe that that can be fixed.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: I truly believe.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: I mean we were at a really crappy point in our marriage, probably not like divorce level, but like I've seen people that are like break, like I am so done, we're both done, this isn't going to work.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: We're just seeing together for the kids and turn their marriage around and actually get that passion back.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Like what does that take?
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: And it's more passionate than ever.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: Right, like you're, almost, like you're like we've actually know a couple that has gotten divorced and then came back together years later and got remarried, like what happens there.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Right, you miss that patch.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: They stop communicating.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but they get remarried because they find the tools and things that they were lacking, maybe before right.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: And they brought that passion back because it can come back.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: And that just proves that it can come back right.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: The sex can be amazing again.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: Even if you're at a rough stage of your relationship, you can get over those hurdles, those barriers that we talk about, and it can become amazing again.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: And again, we can't stress how important it is to have these conversations together.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: You need to sit down together as a husband and wife and talk about this expectations in your marriage, talk about why your husband desires you so much and why he feels the way he does.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: I think if you understood that and heard that from him, rather than just listening to Amy and I on the podcast, if you really sat down and listened and understood why your husband craves you and desires you the way he desires, you'd probably be flattered right, absolutely.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: Now that doesn't mean that everything's going to change, but going back to if you try to put yourself in his shoes, so to speak, or if your wife is the high desire, show empathy, try to understand where they're coming from and why they feel the way they do and again, just really communicate and find a game plan that works for both of you.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: And, like you said, I think if you switch the situation around like my spouse has such a high drive, it's bugging, it's all the time if you switch that around and be like what would I feel like if they never pursued me?
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: What if they never initiated with me?
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: How would I feel?
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: I think like just having that mindset, all the mouth they put you like wow, I would hate that.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful he desires me.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: I'm so grateful he desires me.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm grateful they love me.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful they desire me.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful they want me, because that's, at the end of the day, that's what everyone wants in marriage.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: Right Is to be desired and to be wanted and to be loved, and we as men and women express that different way.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: So, rather than just being disgusted or disappointed or cutting your spouse off because they desire being loved in a different way than you desire being loved, that's why you really have to just have that communication and understand how to meet each other's needs, desires, love, languages, things like that and that's why we're constantly hitting on that all the time.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: So we hope you can understand how important it is, or how grateful you should be, that your spouse desires you the way they do, and hopefully this podcast helped you maybe understand a little bit some of the reasons why your spouse has such a strong desire for you sexually and again, sit down and talk about these things together and try to find that balance that works for both of you.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: This is very important.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: So, as always, we hope you enjoyed the podcast and until next time we will be finding ultimate intimacy in your relationship.