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Episode One Is Supposed to Be Bad (And Other Excuses I Called Perfectionism) · insyed; cozy psychology

• 0:00
  Welcome back to insyed, the show where I tell
• 0:02
  you a short story that brings real psychology
• 0:05
  research closer to the life you're actually living.
• 0:08
  Keeping it cozy and real like a diary that did
• 0:11
  its homework, let's take a peek insyed. I angled
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  my screen down so that all I could see was a
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  thin black rectangle above my hands and the backlit
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  keyboard lighting my fingers, spamming the keys
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  like they owed me money. If you walked in on
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  me right now, you'd probably think I lost it.
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  Honestly, you'd think I was insane. But doing
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  this, having my screen down and not having a
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  single idea on what I'm writing is the only way
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  I found to actually get words on the page tonight.
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  A few hours ago, I was scrolling through Reddit
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  at my desk when I came across a thread on someone
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  asking for advice on starting a podcast. I've
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  been doing mine for a few months now, so I wanted
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  to chime in. Not about gear. Not about which
• 1:00
  microphone or software to use. That's the question
• 1:03
  everyone asks and it's almost never the one that
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  really matters. But instead, all that really
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  matters, you. The difference between episode
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  3 and episode 13 was never going to be how good
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  the microphone sounds, but how you sound. And
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  getting there means going through the part where
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  you're awkward and bad. Because there's no shortcut
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  around that part, there's just going through
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  it. I wrote out my reply, feeling pretty confident.
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  I knew that it didn't matter what it was, podcasting,
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  sports, writing, studying, presenting. It all
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  starts out sucky, every time, for everyone. A
• 1:41
  few weeks ago, I remember researching and finding
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  a paper that found that people who believe that
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  creative ability can be developed rather than
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  being fixed from the start, stay motivated more
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  to keep creating. It's the difference between
• 1:55
  a fixed and growth mindset. And it's probably
• 1:58
  the only reason anyone survives the bad at it
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  stretch long enough to get somewhere. Overnight
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  success stories skip the part where someone did
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  the boring, bad at it work for months before
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  anyone was watching. Survivorship bias, basically.
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  We only hear about the ones who made it, and
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  never about the quiet hours that got them there.
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  Reflecting on this, I thought, hey, this would
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  be something nice to write about. So I sat down
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  to write about it myself, and immediately, I
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  proved my own point. I was sitting at my desk
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  with my document open, with nothing being written
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  down, nothing I thought was worthy. I slowly
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  got annoyed, not at the topic, but at myself,
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  and how stiff and try hard the sentences sounded.
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  I was going to close my laptop, I actually reached
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  for it, but something stopped me. It wasn't discipline
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  or a burst of inspiration, but it was something
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  I noticed. If I tilt my screen just enough so
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  that I can't see what I'm writing, I physically
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  couldn't second -guess every sentence I put down.
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  So all that I ended up having was just my keyboard,
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  my hands, and whatever comes out. I have no idea
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  yet if any of my initial draft would make sense,
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  but all that matters was that it was moving,
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  when a while ago, it wasn't. I finished your
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  draft that night. Didn't reread it, didn't fix
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  anything, just closed the laptop and went to
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  bed feeling like I had actually done something
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  for once. Embarrassingly enough, this wasn't
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  the first time this has happened. Weeks before
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  any of this, I began questioning my project's
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  color scheme, my bio, my aesthetic, whether the
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  logo felt too studenty or not personal enough,
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  whatever that means. I was asking because I wanted
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  to get better, but because some part of me decided
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  inside had to look perfect before I was allowed
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  to be real with it? Like, waiting for the frame
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  to be ready before I could start painting. Looking
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  back now, after telling a stranger online that
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  episode 1 is supposed to be bad, after finding
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  the trick that let my own draft exist before
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  I could ruin it, it took embarrassingly long
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  to notice I'd fallen into my own trap. Which,
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  annoyingly, exactly is what I told that stranger
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  online. Their episode 1 and my rough draft are
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  the same document, just in different fonts. Neither
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  of us get to skip the awkward start. It doesn't
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  matter if you're on episode 1 or season 3, the
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  best any of us can do is to find our own version
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  of the screen -down workaround and sit with it
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  long enough to get to the good part. So, to the
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  person still deciding whether or not to hit record
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  on episode 1? The question you're asking already
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  has your answer. Nobody asks if they're ready
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  to race once they're at the starting line. If
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  you're ready to ask, you're ready to run. The
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  rest is just showing up and maybe look a little
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  insane and then doing it all again tomorrow.
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  This still feels awkward to me, but sometimes
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  all you can do is slam away at the keyboard one
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  ugly draft at a time. And this brings us to the
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  end of this week's insyed. Thank you for spending
• 5:10
  your time here and I hope you learned something
• 5:12
  helpful today. And if you did, the best way you
• 5:15
  can support is to just tell a friend about the
• 5:17
  show. You can also subscribe to the show wherever
• 5:19
  you listen. And if you have the time, leaving
• 5:22
  a review or sending a message genuinely keeps
• 5:24
  me going. I read and enjoy every message I get.
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  But until then, remember that there's always
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  more insyed.