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EP.112: The Dark Side of Ambition | The Ambitious Podcast · Ambitious Podcast

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I don't want to have to be strong right now.
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I don't want to have to figure it out.
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What if I don't want to be the one who's got the answer of the
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person who's got the problem solved?
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What really is the sacrifice that is required to truly be
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ambitious? Your identity is shifting and
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growing so fast that you sometimes look back and you
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don't really know who you are. I feel like I have like 8
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versions of me. I have sometimes felt like I'm
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too big for some rooms, but also in moments that I've felt like
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I'm not enough. Who am I to want those things?
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We see problems differently, we see ambition differently, we see
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work ethic differently. I've sacrificed time, I've
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sacrificed relationships, I have sacrificed so many things and I
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wouldn't change it. The only other option that I see
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is to know what was possible to achieve and never go for it.
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Hello and welcome back to Ambitious.
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Today we are going to be talking about just that, what it means
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to be ambitious and with that the true sacrifice of what is
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required. If you are somebody who has deep
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ambition and drive, not even just necessarily in your
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business but in your life, I will tell you one of the things
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that I know from all of the clients that I have the absolute
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pleasure of working with all the incredible women that listen to
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this podcast to reach out to me in the DMS.
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One of the things that I will tell you is a common denominator
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amongst every single person is that they are going for big
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things in every bucket. You have aspirations of an
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incredible marriage. You have aspirations of being an
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amazing mom. You have aspirations potentially
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of being at like peak health. Maybe for you it's a health or a
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fitness school. It could even be that you have
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aspirations of things that you just like want to achieve
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impact, that you want to create a a mark that you want to leave
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on the world. And you kind of feel that you
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have this itch inside of you. You have this, this calling.
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You have this knowing, this intuition that you are meant for
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something big. But what a lot of people, when
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they have that feeling, don't often get opportunities to talk
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about and often don't have spaces to really be heard, is if
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you have the desire to not be like the many, to not be like
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the masses. Most people don't have
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opportunities to talk about what's actually required of you
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and what is the sacrifice that you're making to truly be part
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of the 2% that have that kind of life.
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And I've been thinking about this recently because I
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sometimes find that I struggle to resonate with the everyday
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kind of programming that we've been given, which is that, you
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know, there's kind of this aspect of being done.
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That's how I feel like for some conversations that I listen to
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or some conversations that I'm part of is there's in some
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spaces this complacency, There's this aspect of, you know, I
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don't need to go for more. This is enough.
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I don't need to push because I'm married.
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Like this is, this is the finish line.
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And I've recently just in a variety of buckets, not even
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just in business, I've seen situations where people settle
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and I asked myself, OK, So what really is the difference between
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the people who settle and the people who achieve?
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And again, this can be in any bucket.
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It doesn't have to be in business, but if you want to
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have like the biggest, boldest, most beautiful, vibrant,
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incredibly full life and you feel like you have this big bold
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vision that you're holding space for, what is the thing that you
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may have to fully make a relationship with or fully give
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peace to giving up meaning? What are the sacrifices that if
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you are truly ambitious, will have to be something that you
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were OK with in order to be able to achieve?
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And so I was listening to a podcast, actually that said, you
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know, ambition. For most people who are
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successful, they ultimately sacrifice in the short term.
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Whereas for those that are typically not as successful in
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their aspirations, it's because they are OK with sacrificing in
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the long term. And that landed for me because I
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realized that, you know, for example, getting out of bed
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early is a sacrifice. Going to the gym when you don't
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feel like it is a sacrifice. Being the person who works when
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you kind of don't feel like working today, that is a
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sacrifice. And so there's two decisions we
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have in those moments. We have those moments where we
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can say, you know what, I just don't have capacity for this
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right now. I just don't feel like doing it.
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And you can say I'm not going to go to the gym and I'm not going
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to eat healthy or I'm not going to work on my Business Today.
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I'm not going to put up marketing.
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But that in the moment is US saying, OK, like I'm just going
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to compromise in this short situation or scenario.
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But we often times don't recognize what that does for us
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when it compounds over time and what life that truly creates for
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us. On the contrast, if you're in
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those moments when you don't want to do something and you're
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in those moments where you don't want to take action and you do
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anyway, those also compound that time you don't want to go to the
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gym and you do the time you don't want to eat healthy and
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you do the time. You kind of are like, oh, I
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don't feel like doing a date night, but you push yourself
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because you know that that will be something that's going to
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support your relationship this week.
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Those little tiny moments that we choose to sacrifice in a
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certain time or you know, it could be in in time, it could be
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an energy, it could be in money, whatever it may be.
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When we make those sacrifices, think about how those compound,
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they compound into, you know, a healthy meal when you didn't
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feel like it and another healthy meal when you didn't feel like
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it compounds into you being healthier.
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You know, going to the gym when you didn't feel like it and then
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going again when you don't feel like it compounds into you being
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more fit. So I started to get thinking
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about what really is the sacrifice that is required to
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truly be ambitious. And I, I also think it's an
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important thing to talk about because we see a lot of women
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who are crushing online. There's so many people online
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who are talking about, you know, this big financial milestone.
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It could be a business milestone, could be, you know,
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even relationship milestones, right?
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It could be kids, for example. And I don't think enough people
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talk about what is required as a sacrifice to be able to achieve
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that. Like what does it mean to be
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able to be a mom and a business owner?
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What sacrifice is required? If you are someone who is
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saying, hey, I want to build like an 8 figure business, what
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is required? What will you be sacrificing to
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do so? So I don't think it's talked
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about. And I think because of that,
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sometimes we can feel very alone in what we're experiencing.
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Because you may feel like there's times where you have to
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work and you don't go to the family function or a friend asks
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you to say, hey, let's do lunch at 2:00 PM.
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And you're like, well, I'm kind of in the weeds of work right
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now. I don't really have time to go
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at 2:00 PM or it doesn't support me to go at 2:00 PM.
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And you feel like, you know, is there something wrong with me?
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Is there something wrong with the way that I'm doing things?
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Is there something wrong with the way that I'm operating
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myself or my business? And because that it can feel
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very heavy. And I think that often times we
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are not having conversations that we need to.
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And so I hope today that really more than anything, have you
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walk away with feeling so incredibly validated that if you
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were experiencing any of these things, this is something that
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frankly is just the cost of being an ambitious woman.
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So first I want to talk a little bit about identity because this
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is something that I feel like was kind of the core, you know,
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sacrifice. I think many of us think with
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entrepreneurship, the sacrifice is time.
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Like you have these classic visions of, you know, people
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working weekends and they're like 4:00 AM on their laptop
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with these like bloodshot eyes trying to get through the day
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drinking on this coffee. Like often times we see a lot
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of, you know, marketing media that really speaks to the time
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sacrifice that is required. And that is definitely a thing.
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But I think the thing that we don't have enough conversations
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about is that when you develop as an entrepreneur, when you go
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for bigger and bigger goals and you are achieving more and more
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things, you're changing, you're developing, you're changing the
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way of which you operate. And part of that is that your
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identity evolves and your perspective evolves.
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And so with this, one of the things that often times will
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happen is that sometimes you're going to feel like you are too
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successful, too much, too big of a personality, too ambitious
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sometimes to be around the people you're around.
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And I had a conversation even at a retreat recently, and someone
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shared with me that they're from a very small town.
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And they said when I go, you know, out to coffee with my
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friends who live locally, I feel like an oddball.
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Like, I feel like I don't want to have certain conversations.
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I don't want to share certain things because I don't feel like
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people are going to get me. And I feel almost like too big
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for the rooms that I'm in, too intense maybe for the rooms that
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I'm in. On the contrast, even for me, I
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have sometimes felt like I'm too big for some rooms, but also in
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moments that I felt like I'm not enough to be in other rooms.
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So there's always this kind of identity evolution where we're
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trying to find our footing. Because in entrepreneurship,
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you're growing so much, not even just in a business level, but on
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a personal development level. You are expanding and growing so
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much, and to try to keep your circle up to date with how much
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you're growing is a real task. It's difficult to do so you kind
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of feel like you're never really necessarily fitting.
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And honestly part of that is exhausting because you feel like
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you're constantly reinventing yourself.
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Like if I think back to like server me, I don't understand
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her anymore really. Like at the time, like I get why
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my perspective was what it was and why I had the behaviors that
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I did. But now when I think about it,
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I'm like, I couldn't go for drinks with her necessarily.
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I doubt anymore because we just see the world such a different
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way. We see problems differently.
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We see, you know, ambition differently.
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We see work ethic differently. Like we have very different
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perspectives of life. And so I wonder, you know, with
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just what what my perspective was at that time, could I
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resonate with her? And so I've had conversations
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with people who say, like, I just feel misunderstood.
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I feel like nobody gets me. Like I don't know that the
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people I used to hang out with really understand who I am and
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potentially that they're not comfortable or supportive in you
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growing as much as you are or that they're not supportive in
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how fast you're going. Like if someone says to you
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like, oh, like so and so has changed.
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And I think that that's such an interesting comment to say to
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someone, oh, so and so has changed because my answer would
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be, isn't that the whole freaking point?
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Like, isn't that the point that I have evolved and I've grown
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and I've expanded into the next level of my life?
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And that's where I think this thought of, you know, life being
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static, so many of us are OK with.
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Like, this is who I am. This is how I am.
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And I'm never planning on growing or changing.
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And for me, I just never could make peace with that.
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And so I remember that, you know, I had friend groups that I
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used to hang out with all the time.
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Like they were people that I would spend a lot of time with.
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But I felt like as I grew within myself, not even necessarily
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financially, but just in myself, that I grew and realizing like,
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you know, my life is under my control, meaning I can control
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my efforts. I can control my inputs each day
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that, you know, affects my outputs.
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There were people who were just like, this is who I am, like
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this is, this is as much as I'm going to get out of my life.
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And I never understood that because I thought, well, no,
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that will be the case if you allow it to be.
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Granted, a lot of us have resistances.
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There are very real culture and social factors that can add
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massive resistance to someone being successful or achieving
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things. But we have to realize that we
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have the opportunity to start saying, OK, well, what can I
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control in a world where things are going to happen?
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What is truly within my control of what I can navigate myself?
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And as a result, when I started to hang around those people more
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and more, I just became less stimulated by the conversations.
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I became less interested in the dialogue that life was happening
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to us instead of us kind of taking, taking charge and
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holding the steering wheel and saying, hey, this is where I
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want to go. And over time, what I realized
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is if I kept staying inside of these experiences and inside
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these conversations, I too was going to start to believe that
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that was truly what life was, You know, Oh, well, if this is
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always what happens to me or this is just another, you know,
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crazy day in in my reality. And I thought, I don't subscribe
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to that. So part of me thought, OK, I got
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to get out of these conversations, like I got to get
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around better, better, more stimulating, you know,
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perspectives and values and things like that.
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But also there's like a grief with that because the sacrifice
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of that is that sometimes if you're not around those people,
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part of your identity changes because you're like, these have
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always been my people. And there's a sadness with that
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because you realize that these used to be conversations that
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really stimulated you and they used to be things that you
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really enjoyed. But there's a grieving that the
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places you used to feel so comfortable are actually now the
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most uncomfortable place for you to be.
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And I think that's something that a lot of us don't talk
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about is the fact that part of sometimes creating the new you
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also requires you to kill the old you or to at least be
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intentional about where that part of you fits in today's
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world. I also think this came up with
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identity around hiding success because I think one of the
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experiences I had and I know that many of my peers have had
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is that when you have, you know, successes, you sometimes don't
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feel comfortable to share them. Like even now I have amazing
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women around me who are just achieving these incredible
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milestones and they'll message me like privately about this and
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they'll kind of be hush hush about what they're achieving.
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And I said, hey, you have $1,000,000 business or hey, you
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have a $3,000,000 business. Why are we whispering about
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this? Like, why are we whispering
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about this? This makes no sense.
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And that's because they feel that in the places that they are
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or the people that they're around, they're terrified to
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step into the identity of success because it means that
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they will not anymore be comfortable potentially in the
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circles that they're in Now. Granted, all of this is
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conditional upon the people that you're around.
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I don't want to demonize and say that, you know, older friends
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who knew you prior to this cannot be your friends.
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That is not what I'm saying at all.
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What I mean is there's a discomfort sometimes in actually
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truly embracing the identity of who you've become because in
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doing so, it would make the people around you uncomfortable.
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And I think as well, when you step into this identity, like
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even for me, when I stepped into the true identity and kind of
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owning that I was an entrepreneur or owning that I
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was going to be a business owner.
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As soon as I took on the label of like, I have a business, I
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felt so much pressure versus like, oh, you know, Kate's
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posting, Kate's posting on Instagram didn't feel like as
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much pressure or intensity. But when you say like, I have a
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business or like I have a team, there starts to become this
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innate pressure of maintenance. And like now the world knows
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that I'm doing this. Now the world knows that this is
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my vision or this is my goal. And now I feel immense pressure
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that I got to make this happen. I got to make this successful.
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And so often times there's indirectly this pressure to be
16:45
on. There's this pressure to figure
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it out. There's this pressure to to now
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that you've said you're going to do this, go do it.
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And there's a natural pressure that's associated with
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establishing those goals. And so when we see these reps of
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us having success or if we see people around us see that we are
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achieving things and we are, you know, knocking out these goals,
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what I also find is there's this unspoken belief that you are so
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capable. Like if you've ever heard
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somebody to you say, you know, Oh my God, like she just does so
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much, you know, she's she's always crushing one goal after
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another. She has so much capacity.
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She manages a lot in a day or week.
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Like she's a she's go, go, go. She gets, you know, business
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done. She handles things, she takes
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care of business. Those are all really incredible
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and supportive compliments. But here's the other thing that
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I also know those same women just like you who are getting
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those compliments, who are, you know, the people who are telling
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you that you are so capable and you can do so much and you
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manage so much. You're like, yeah, I do.
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And you believe in yourself, and you know that you do.
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But I would hazard to guess that you also feel like just as much
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as you are capable, you are also internally feeling very
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stretched thin. And I know for me, there's been
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a lot of labels of like, oh, hey, Kate can handle this level
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of stress or Kate can handle this level of management of
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things, and I can. But often times, because people
18:25
might believe that you're capable, they don't understand
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that you too have a limit to your capacities.
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Just because you handle things well and you juggle things well
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doesn't mean that that doesn't have an impact on you.
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And often times I see for ambitious women like you, when
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you handle a lot, people also have this unspoken expectation
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of you to constantly handle that.
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And so I find sometimes there's a little bit less of a, a
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consideration over time of just how human you are, which is that
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yes, while you can and you do manage and handle a lot, it
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doesn't mean that that doesn't come with a cost, meaning that
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you managing all of that, you're not sacrificing in some way.
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And so with this, the identity piece that I would say is the
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most common across the board with all of my clients is that
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there is this aspect of you don't recognize yourself.
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And someone shared this with me literally just this week.
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We've been working together now for about 7 months.
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And she said, you know, Kate, I just don't even recognize the me
19:30
that started this program. I don't even recognize her.
19:34
And while part of that is like aspirational and exciting and,
19:40
you know, incredible to be able to grow and expand yourself,
19:44
your skills, your perspective so much in like six to seven
19:47
months, that's beautiful. It's also a little bit jarring
19:51
because you realize that your identity is shifting and growing
19:56
so fast that you sometimes look back and you don't really know
20:01
who you are. And even for me, I feel like
20:04
when I became an entrepreneur, the past me felt like she died
20:10
because I don't understand her anymore.
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I don't really resonate with her anymore.
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And even I would say, you know, they often talk about like these
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kind of like internal rebirths, if you will, not to get woo woo
20:22
about it, but they talk about rebirths.
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And so even for me, I feel like my, you know, identity in my
20:29
personality also did a very massive shift about just around
20:33
under two years ago. And even that I look at, you
20:38
know, what I call Blazer Kate, which is basically like the most
20:43
in her masculine energy, burnt out, pushing constantly candle
20:48
burning at both ends, emotionally detached from
20:52
myself. And I just feel like even
20:57
looking at her to who I am now, which is like literally just two
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years ago, I don't understand her the way that I used to like
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I that used to in the moment that felt so me like that was
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who I was, That's how I showed up.
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That was the identity that I was like, this is who I am.
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And now I literally look even at past photo shoots, I look at
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past, you know, calls like just trainings even of how I showed
21:21
up and how I communicated. And I just don't understand her
21:25
anymore. Like I realize and I see the
21:27
disconnection within her from an emotional level of like just not
21:31
really really knowing and understanding herself.
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And now that I feel like I have done that work, I don't resonate
21:38
with her anymore. I feel like I don't understand
21:40
her. And so it's hard because
21:43
sometimes it's difficult to look back and feel like I have like 8
21:46
versions of me and you don't in that always have the stability
21:51
of who I am. You're in this constant kind of
21:53
reincarnation, if you will, this reinvention of your identity and
21:57
personality. So I think that when we talk
22:00
about this constant pursuit of growth and this constant
22:03
achievement, it's so sexy. It's so exciting to be like,
22:07
yes, I'm achieving these new milestones and these new goals,
22:10
but you really have to switch your identity in the process.
22:16
And I don't think people talk about that.
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The last thing I want to say around the identity bucket is I
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actually had a client who mentioned this to me on a call
22:22
this week. And she said, you know, Kate,
22:24
one of the things that really showed me my identity growth was
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I had a situation where I was so burnt out.
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I had just like no energy left, no capacity left.
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And she said I was so busy. And so I remember considering
22:40
hiring someone to clean my house because I was just like burning
22:43
candle at both ends. I had no capacity.
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And her mom said to her, she said, you know, did I not teach
22:49
you how to clean your house? Like, why would you hire someone
22:51
to clean your house? And she in the moment said, you
22:55
know, it challenged everything about my identity and how I grew
22:58
up because I had never grown up knowing people cleaning your
23:01
house. She came from a family and a
23:03
culture where you did never had people clean your house like you
23:07
always cleaned your house yourself.
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And so I shared with her that I had the same thing because I
23:13
came from a similar background where like my family, my mom
23:17
never had anybody to help her around the house.
23:20
She did everything herself. She painted the house herself,
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she cleaned the house herself. Like she was a one woman show.
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She did it all. And so I remember even for me, I
23:30
had a similar circumstance where I was just so busy and so
23:33
drained that I was like, I don't have time to clean.
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I really need help and support. And I hired someone to help me
23:41
with cleaning each week. And that was stretchy for me
23:43
because my identity was like, I'm not this person.
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I'm not, you know, this, you know, my mind kind of went to
23:50
like, I'm not this, this bougie, I'm not this rich.
23:53
I'm not this, I'm not this person who has people clean her
23:57
house. Like that's just, I'm not that
23:58
person. Because I had such a perspective
24:00
of who that was. And what I realized was like, I
24:04
had these values, I had these perspectives, this identity that
24:09
I was latching onto of like, I can't do that because that makes
24:12
me a different person. And so it caused me to do a lot
24:14
of work on who am I and what parts of me do I have to let go
24:18
of to be able to step into that next level of success.
24:22
But it's hard because sometimes you just don't recognize
24:24
yourself. And so, you know, there really
24:27
is a massive, massive identity sacrifice in the circles you're
24:32
around with yourself, with your values, with your perspective,
24:35
with your decisions. But there's also this aspect of
24:38
emotional weight. There's an emotional invisible
24:43
weight that many ambitious women carry.
24:48
One of them is that oftentimes when you are someone, like I
24:52
said, who's very capable, you're also very emotionally capable.
24:55
And So what it typically looks like is that you can oftentimes
24:59
become the go to resource for a lot of people.
25:03
So you will become the person that is like crisis manager for
25:06
everybody around you. And I've had women say this to
25:09
me. I feel like all my friends, my
25:11
family, like they bring things to me.
25:14
And part of that is likely because you have such a high
25:17
capacity to hold for other people.
25:19
You have most likely probably pretty high empathy.
25:23
You have a lot of capacity probably for stress and for
25:26
stimuli. You have a lot that you've
25:28
managed and handled. So when people see someone who
25:31
has this strength and this capability, the first
25:35
inclination is I'm going to give my stuff to her because she can
25:38
handle it and she's a resource for me.
25:41
And while that's beautiful, there's also a sacrifice to that
25:43
because there's the impact of the fact you are emotionally
25:47
carrying for a lot of people. And so while it's amazing that
25:51
you have that skill, it's also difficult because that skill
25:55
comes with an emotional kind of like backpack full of weights
25:59
that you're carrying because you have that skill set.
26:02
I also think that often times when you are so put together and
26:06
you are handling things and you're making things happen,
26:10
many of us don't allow ourselves permission to fall apart.
26:16
And this is something that a lot of women I talk to experience.
26:20
And you may resonate with this, which is like especially for the
26:23
breadwinner. But even if you're not, when you
26:26
have so much that you handle and you're responsible for it, maybe
26:31
it's a family, Maybe it's, you know, your relationship, your
26:34
marriage, your team, your clients.
26:37
There's many women I talk to that don't feel like there's
26:41
even an option for them to not be OK.
26:45
They're like, if I have a day off, if I have a week where I am
26:48
off my game, like I just feel guilty.
26:50
I don't have the capacity to not be OK.
26:55
Like I'm not in a place where not being OK would be OK.
26:59
And I think that that creates a lot of pressure on you.
27:02
You may feel like if you're not on, the whole thing will fall
27:06
apart. And think about the emotional,
27:09
the mental pressure that that creates that if you break in any
27:14
way, the whole thing breaks. And so while many of us, you
27:17
know, we push through and we kind of pull ourselves up and we
27:20
say, OK, great. We're just going to kind of
27:22
bulldoze through the problem. There is an impact that that has
27:26
because you carry that with you every day.
27:29
Whether you acknowledge it or not, you understand that you are
27:33
a lot of the core of this machine and that, you know, if
27:37
you even moms know this when they are, you know, sick or
27:40
they're having the flu, it's like you don't get a day off as
27:43
a mom. Your kids are still in your
27:45
bedroom at 6:00 AM. Like, hey, let's go.
27:48
And you're like, I want to barf right now.
27:51
But like your kids, you know, obviously we always hope for an
27:56
amazing partner who can take over.
27:58
But even moms are a classic example of like, even when
28:01
you're not OK, it's so hard to not be OK because there's still
28:05
kind of this unspoken expectation that you have to be
28:07
OK enough to be able to show up that day.
28:10
And I think that often times when we don't talk about this,
28:16
when we don't have these conversations, it can often
28:18
times lead to feelings of frustration, overwhelm,
28:23
resentment. And with this, there's often a
28:27
resentment of so many people rely and lean on you.
28:31
And this feeling of frustration of like, well, who do I get to
28:35
lean on? Who do I get to give all my
28:37
tasks to? Who do I get to give, you know,
28:40
being a full time mom to today? Who do I get to give this
28:43
responsibility to? And even this is something that
28:46
I, you know, have said to my family before, I've said, you
28:51
know, I am always the person that's like, I got this, I got
28:54
this, I got this. Like, I trust myself on such a
28:56
deep, deep, deep level. But I also have had so many
29:01
breakdowns where I just end up being like, I don't want to have
29:05
to be strong right now. I don't want to have to figure
29:07
it out. I don't want to have to be the
29:10
person who's got this. Like, I just want someone to
29:13
take the weight away. And that weight can be, you
29:17
know, your family, like taking the responsibilities of your
29:19
family today off your plate. It can be the weight of being
29:23
the CEO, the one with all the answers.
29:26
It can be the weight of being the person who's the face of
29:28
marketing it. It can show up in so many
29:31
flavors. But think about how much you
29:33
hold. You are holding.
29:35
I got this, I got this, I got this.
29:38
And sometimes it can create this really, you know, under the
29:42
surface resentment and frustration of like, but what if
29:44
I don't want to have it today? What if I don't want to be the
29:47
one who's got the answer, the person who's got the problem
29:50
solved? And I've said, you know, I'm OK,
29:53
I'm OK. But what about if I just don't
29:56
want to be OK today? Like, I need space to not be OK.
30:00
And many of us as women, regardless of the flavor of how
30:04
that shows up for you, really struggle to do that.
30:06
And that's because we often hold ourselves to such a high
30:10
standard, a high standard with our health, with our, you know,
30:13
family, with our relationships, with our business.
30:16
And so often times I even witnessed that that pressure
30:20
isn't even always necessarily that other people are putting it
30:23
on us, but we are putting it on ourselves.
30:26
And I see this when maybe you are wanting to take a day off,
30:30
but then when you take that day off, you kind of feel guilty for
30:32
taking the day off 'cause you're like, there's so much that needs
30:34
to get done. Like there's laundry to do,
30:36
there's the house to clean, there's work that needs to be
30:38
done. You know, there's things to do.
30:41
And you think, like, I gotta go, I gotta take action.
30:45
I gotta make things happen. But it doesn't undo the fact
30:49
that you also yourself need to have the ability to not be on,
30:55
cannot be on all the time. And there's a sacrifice that
30:58
comes with being on all the time.
31:00
It's that you can lead to burnout.
31:02
It can lead to resentment, It can lead to overwhelm.
31:05
That is not something anybody necessarily needs to be holding.
31:09
And with this, then when we hit these moments of frustration,
31:12
when we hit these times where we feel like I'm always the one
31:14
who's got to do it and I'm always the one who has to handle
31:16
it, there's part of it as well that then ends up being, well,
31:20
people say don't do it. Like just don't go for it.
31:24
Don't go try to be this person. Don't go try to achieve this
31:27
thing. Play small.
31:29
And that, as I say, that probably creates frustration in
31:32
you. You're like, I don't want to
31:33
play small. And even this has been said to
31:35
me because I'll say, OK, you know, I got to handle this.
31:39
I got to go to the gym. I'm in the process right now of
31:41
starting a second business. And so I'm trying to do that,
31:44
you know, obviously navigate our existing business and manage
31:46
that house renovation happening right now is a lot going on.
31:51
And so the natural advice that I will get when someone around me
31:54
is not necessarily ambitious. It's like just chill, like just
31:58
don't go to the gym or just don't go get your steps today or
32:02
you know, you don't need to do XYZ.
32:05
It's like compromise, compromise, remove stuff and
32:09
just keep it small and safe. And I always have struggled
32:14
because my ambition sometimes does lead me to burnout.
32:19
It sometimes has led me to resentment and overwhelming
32:22
frustration. And then in those moments when I
32:24
vent people around me, I can be met with then don't be ambitious
32:30
as the basic theme that I get. Don't go for those things.
32:33
Don't look to achieve because if you don't do that, then you
32:35
wouldn't have this problem. And so there comes this guilt
32:41
sometimes in wanting more, there becomes this guilt and you know,
32:45
well, why is everybody else OK with X?
32:47
And I feel like I want to double that.
32:48
Or why is everyone else OK with, you know, let's just say not
32:53
working out, but then I feel like I want to work out three,
32:56
four times a week. Why is everybody else OK with
32:59
this kind of relationship when I feel like I want like a vibrant,
33:02
connected, deep, you know, X relationship and I feel like my
33:06
girlfriends are not in those relationships or something.
33:08
Again, the flavor can change depending on what you yourself
33:11
are navigating. But there can sometimes be this
33:14
guilt that we have as women for wanting more.
33:17
Like, why can't you just be content?
33:19
Why can't you just be OK with where you are?
33:20
You don't need more in whatever bucket.
33:23
And so when you have these thoughts of more, it can come
33:28
with sometimes a doubt of like, OK, why do I want more?
33:33
Why am I not content? And even for me, I have felt who
33:37
am I to desire these things? Like if I think about my future
33:41
self, I'm 33 today and I think about me at 45, I have a very
33:48
clear vision of what I, I want my life to look like.
33:51
I have a very clear vision of what I desire for myself, for my
33:55
relationship, for my family. And with that, I sometimes
33:59
wonder like, who am I to want those things, right?
34:03
Many of us associate some of the most successful people in
34:06
society to be like the 2%. And sometimes people associate
34:10
them as people that got lucky. But when we think or we see
34:15
these these lives or we see these realities and we think
34:17
like, I want that or like I desire to achieve that, Some of
34:21
us don't believe that we deserve it.
34:23
Some of us don't believe that that's possible for us.
34:26
So in those moments where you're ambitious and, and you're having
34:29
these achievements and you have these goals and visions, there
34:32
can be a moment of who am I to say that I want that?
34:35
Who am I to say that I want to have this big house?
34:39
Who am I to say I want to have a $3,000,000 business?
34:41
Who am I to say that I want to be a marathon runner and a
34:45
business owner? Like, am I, am I too much?
34:48
Like, is this something that I should feel confident or OK
34:53
about wanting and desiring? And as part of that pursuit of
34:58
those things, sometimes there's a guilt that you're going to
35:02
have to do it alone. There's such a guilt.
35:06
I was even talking to my sister about this last last week of
35:10
sometimes if you upgrade your life so much or if you upgrade,
35:15
you know, your house or your income or your lifestyle or
35:21
whatever it may be, will you as a result not resonate or will
35:27
the people around you not connect with you anymore?
35:29
Right. So like all of us know those
35:31
people who made a lot of money and have a lot of, you know,
35:36
potentially accolades and achievements and possessions.
35:41
And as soon as they did, we kind of felt like I don't resonate
35:44
with Sarah anymore because she's just, she's in her own world
35:47
over there. Sometimes the sacrifice of
35:52
achieving is that you you feel like you have to go alone and
35:57
that reality of like not resonating with people around
36:00
you is partially a choice, right?
36:01
So like there is the possibility of being very successful and
36:04
also being very grounded. I want to be clear on that.
36:07
But there is sometimes let's just say, OK, you're someone who
36:10
wants to train for an Iron Man or you want to train for a
36:14
marathon and none of your friends are runners and you're
36:19
prioritizing your training, you know, Monday through Friday.
36:22
And that's a really big priority and something significant for
36:25
you. Sometimes there's a guilt of
36:27
like, I don't get to enjoy this with people because this is just
36:29
something that I have as a goal. I feel like I'm kind of alone in
36:32
this pursuit of what I want for my health.
36:35
And so with this, I even had a different conversation with
36:37
someone else who said that she was talking about this in
36:39
reference to her marriage because she said, you know, I
36:42
feel sometimes like I, I'm very happy with my husband.
36:46
I'm very happy with my relationship.
36:48
We're literally so connected. And it's only getting better and
36:51
better as time goes on. But she said, then I sometimes
36:54
go to these dinners and women are talking about like, my
36:57
husband this or like, you won't believe what he did this week or
37:00
like, I can't believe like men this and men not.
37:03
And she said I just don't resonate.
37:05
And so sometimes I feel so lonely because I have nothing to
37:08
contribute to those conversations.
37:09
I will not speak poorly about my husband.
37:12
And so she said, I feel like I'm really lonely in my marriage
37:16
because I realized there is a culture of people who talk and
37:21
complain about their relationships.
37:23
And I don't see us that way. And I would never do that.
37:27
And I don't see any problems we have as complaining.
37:29
They're opportunities for us to, you know, get coaching or to
37:32
evolve. And so this really does show up
37:35
in a variety of buckets. It doesn't matter what you're
37:38
talking about, whether it's, you know, business or in your
37:40
relationship, whatever it may be.
37:42
There is definitely an impact on us when we feel like we want to
37:46
go for things, but we don't necessarily always have someone
37:49
to take with us on that journey or on that pursuit.
37:53
And so there's there's a lot of both obvious sacrifices we make,
37:57
but there's also the more subtle ones that we navigate sometimes
38:01
on our own that nobody around us is even Privy to.
38:04
And there's also trade-offs. OK, so one of the trade-offs
38:08
that I remember was the first indication of like, OK, whoa,
38:13
this is, this is interesting. Is I remember saying that I was
38:18
in the beginning of my business and I hadn't hit like even 6
38:20
figures at that point. And I remember saying to my
38:22
coach like, Oh yeah, like I'm just like, oh, I'm working
38:25
weekends. And he said OK, And I'm like,
38:29
OK, And he's like, and you're starting a business.
38:35
He's like, I wouldn't be shocked if you work mornings, days,
38:38
nights and weekends because if you're going for something big,
38:42
you're going to do something that most people don't do.
38:45
So I remember one of the sacrifices is just having time
38:49
for joy. And it was only once I, you
38:52
know, it was like a year and a bit, probably like 18 months or
38:55
so down the road that I had a conversation with him and he
38:59
said, when was the last time you experienced joy?
39:01
And I remember saying, like, I honestly don't know because so
39:04
much of my life had been revolving around work and about
39:07
creation and about putting in hours.
39:09
And I realized that there was a season that I did have to
39:13
sacrifice joy. I did have to sacrifice the fun
39:16
stuff. Like, you know, people calling
39:19
each week, let's go for dinner here, Let's go for drinks here.
39:21
You know, family events that would sometimes fall on like the
39:24
busy, busy season of something that I was doing or in the
39:27
middle of a launch, it'd be like, hey, let's take the whole
39:29
family. Let's go out for six hours.
39:30
I'm like, can't do that. Not happening today.
39:34
And I remember there's a lot of things that I couldn't
39:36
participate in and that I couldn't do and I lost out on
39:41
for sure. Like a lot of, you know, family
39:43
dinners or celebrations or things like that.
39:46
But that's also just par for the course of what was required for
39:50
me to do things, especially in the speed that I wanted to.
39:54
Because I think speed and the the loftiness of the goal you
39:57
have is also something that is very relevant because if you
40:01
have a goal, it's not just a matter of having a goal, but
40:04
also what is that goal and how fast you want to achieve it.
40:07
When I started my business I wanted to hit 7 figures and so
40:11
because of that I knew that it was going to require me to show
40:14
up in a very specific way and I sacrificed a lot in order to be
40:17
able to achieve that in the timeline I did.
40:19
Now, looking back, I probably could have achieved that in a
40:23
more stretched out timeline and not have been so stressed, but
40:27
it is something that even today, I'm very thankful for that I was
40:30
able to do. But it did take a lot.
40:33
And so I remember realizing that I did give up many years of joy
40:37
of just like an entertainment and like connection and fun and
40:41
play. I did give those up because that
40:44
at the time is what was required for me to do the things that I
40:47
wanted to do. The other thing I know is that
40:50
there's many women around me that in the pursuit of the
40:52
things that they want have lost hobbies, they've lost routines
40:56
that once grounded them. I had a conversation with
40:59
someone the other day and I said, you know, what was
41:02
something that used to bring you a lot of joy?
41:03
And she said going to yoga. And I said, when was when was
41:06
the last time you went to yoga? And she's like, oh gosh, like
41:09
not, you know, months ago kind of thing.
41:11
And so I think many of us, we do in the pursuit sometimes of
41:16
achieve and of accomplish, we lose ourselves.
41:19
And it's happened to me. I had seasons where I'm like, I
41:22
don't even think I have a hobby, truthfully, now I do.
41:25
But at the time I, I was so fully committed to this goal,
41:31
fully committed to achieving and to hitting the goals that I was
41:35
looking for it, that I just didn't really allow myself to
41:37
have space for hobbies. And so it was something that I
41:40
think now when someone has a scaling business, they can
41:43
integrate, but sometimes when you're building, you do have to
41:45
give up on the classic routines that you once had or the hobbies
41:48
you had to be able to achieve the things that you want.
41:52
And the thing I know about you is that you most likely achieve
41:56
milestones and you never celebrate.
41:59
This is the other thing is like many of us, we don't give
42:02
ourselves an ambition and in the things we want to achieve
42:06
moments to just be like, wow, like you did that, you did that
42:10
big or small. And this is not again, about
42:12
financial. It could even just be the fact
42:14
that you are you're a mom and your business owner.
42:18
Let's just take a second to think about what you're
42:21
navigating because that is so much for you to hold.
42:26
And many of us sacrifice any validation, any acknowledgement.
42:30
We put our head down and we go to the next milestone and the
42:33
next goal and we're knocking that out.
42:35
And then we're on this goal. And it's like, let's just take a
42:37
second to realize what you've achieved.
42:39
You've achieved X financial milestone.
42:42
You've achieved potentially, you know, growing a business when no
42:45
one in your family was an entrepreneur.
42:47
You've achieved building a business while being a mom.
42:51
You've achieved potentially having multiple businesses.
42:54
Like there are things that you are doing, but you are
42:56
sacrificing validation. You are sacrificing
42:59
acknowledgement in the pursuit of just the next thing, the next
43:02
milestone. And I see it all the time
43:04
because most ambitious women that I know are not particularly
43:09
great at celebrating themselves. And that's because they believe
43:13
that they're just really, you know, this is just what I do.
43:16
This is just how I handle things and they're on to the next
43:19
thing. And as a result of this, most
43:23
ambitious women probably like yourself, are very independent.
43:28
You handle things. You feel like sometimes asking
43:32
other people to help you is harder than you just doing it
43:35
yourself. So you just you handle things,
43:37
you take care of business. And again, sometimes the the
43:42
sacrifice of that is we don't get the help that we need.
43:44
We don't get the help we deserve.
43:46
And we are so independent, so effective, so productive and
43:52
efficient that we just, we handle things.
43:55
We're making it happen, yes, but to what cost?
43:59
To what cost are you handling it yourself and making it happen
44:02
yourself? And it's something that I see
44:05
all the time is that many people that I support or that I work
44:11
with are just used to being the one who's got it handled or
44:14
solves the problem. And so it's a weight that many
44:16
of us don't acknowledge that we bring with us.
44:20
Now, there's more logistical sacrifices, which are probably
44:23
the most common that we hear about, which is #1 your time
44:26
does not fully belong to you. This is something especially in
44:29
the building phase of a business.
44:31
And for some people in Scaling 2, your time is not actually
44:35
yours, meaning, you know, your schedule is probably built
44:39
around your launches, potentially clients, your team's
44:43
needs, you know, deadlines that are due.
44:46
There's a natural accommodation that happens with our schedule
44:50
to say, there's what I want for sure, but what I want doesn't
44:53
always match what the business needs.
44:55
And so because of that, we have to say, OK, well, how can we
44:58
accommodate? So there's sacrifices with our
45:00
schedule that are required to support the business and what
45:03
the business needs. And one of the things that also
45:07
I know happens a lot with women in business is what is called
45:10
free days, which is many of us will have like a free day in
45:14
business, but often that day is not actually free.
45:18
You have an off day, meaning you're not maybe client facing
45:21
or you're not interacting with clients, but by no means is that
45:24
day free or off because you are managing things and handling
45:28
things the entire time. And so with that, the off time
45:33
often times is never even off. I even went this morning and I
45:37
got my nails done and I talked to to the nail tech who's the
45:40
owner of the place and we were talking about entrepreneurship
45:43
and she said like it just never stops.
45:44
She's had that salon now for 11-12 years and she said like, I
45:49
don't, I work seven days a week. If I'm not here working about on
45:53
something or like on actual nails, I'm at home doing the
45:56
books. I'm thinking about marketing,
45:57
I'm getting into ads now. Like you're just always on.
46:01
So there's this sacrifice as well of your time and of your
46:04
focus, which is that you're never really truly getting often
46:08
times the ability to truly turn off.
46:11
And this is what we see with vacations.
46:13
Many entrepreneurs when they go on vacation are often kind of
46:16
like, I'm just going to quickly check my e-mail.
46:17
I'm going to quickly check Slack.
46:19
I'm going to quickly check in here because the idea of a
46:22
completely disconnecting and being off is not something that
46:25
many of us have. We have the ability to do it,
46:29
but it is difficult is what I should say.
46:31
So very rarely when people go on vacation, are they truly like on
46:35
vacation, their brain might think about work and like ideas
46:38
for work or they're genuinely checking their phone, which is
46:40
also connected to work. So we also see this in energy.
46:46
OK, so I really see that a lot of business owners are looking
46:50
at their energy like money like literally like a currency.
46:54
And that is you are constantly having to triage your life to
46:59
say, OK, I have X amount of battery today.
47:01
Where am I gonna put that? Because this needs my attention.
47:04
That needs my attention. And it's not just in business,
47:06
it can be life as well. You've got client deliverables,
47:09
but the kids have soccer. But then you have to go, you
47:12
know, get this gift for the birthday party on Saturday.
47:15
But then you're trying to make sure because your mom's coming
47:17
into town and she wants of it like you're just, OK, I've got
47:22
80% battery. How are we using this?
47:23
And you're constantly triaging. And sometimes from an energetic
47:28
perspective, what it means is that when all is said and done
47:31
and when all has been taken care of and everything's been
47:34
achieved and accomplished, there's a tendency for you to
47:38
put yourself last. And I see this because often
47:40
times you may make plans and you'll make like social
47:45
engagements, you'll make social commitments.
47:47
And then when the time comes for you to go do those, you go, OK,
47:50
well, at the time when I made that social commitment, my
47:52
battery was at 90. And now my battery's at 12%.
47:56
So I am trying to figure out the middle, which is how do I kind
48:00
of find a baseline here because I don't want to go to these
48:03
social commitments because I don't have the bandwidth
48:05
anymore. And often times, as a result, we
48:09
lean into what is the most productive, what's the most
48:13
efficient, but not always what's actually the best for us, right?
48:18
There's so many times where we are doing things, we're making
48:21
decisions from a logical brain of what makes most sense, but it
48:26
often means 9 times out of 10 that our personal life is
48:28
somehow in the process going to take a hit if we're not careful.
48:33
Now, again, when you're scaling a business, this may not be
48:35
always the case. The goal is for sure when you're
48:38
scaling a business, to get it to a place where you don't have to
48:41
sacrifice your entire life in order to scale.
48:44
But there's a natural building that's required to get to that
48:46
place. And I think that trying to
48:48
achieve that at the starting point is very, very difficult
48:52
for most people. The thing I also would say
48:56
happens is that if we're not careful, business can feel like
49:00
it comes first. And while our businesses
49:02
sometimes are flexible, they're too flexible that they can
49:05
sometimes eat into the things that are actually important.
49:08
One of the common denominators I see with every single scaling
49:11
entrepreneur is that there are meetings, for example, they'll
49:14
say, you know, I'm on back-to-back meetings and I had
49:16
no time to even like run to the washroom.
49:19
And I thought you navigate your schedule.
49:21
What's going on here? And when we look at the
49:24
schedule, we realize that they were just so flexible of, yes, I
49:27
can take that call and yes, I can be on that podcast and yes,
49:30
I can do this training. They're so flexible.
49:32
They're so they're so open that that openness ultimately is a
49:37
hindrance because it ate into their lunch so much so they
49:39
didn't have one. And so it is something that I
49:43
encourage people to look at is are you sacrificing and being
49:46
flexible with your schedule? Being so flexible, in fact, that
49:51
it's something that ultimately takes away from your experience
49:55
of your personal life or your day-to-day life.
49:57
And another one is also sleep. I was guilty of this, which is
50:02
that I had a time in my business where like I really didn't
50:06
prioritize sleep. I really didn't focus on that as
50:09
something that was a needle mover for me.
50:11
And I thought, OK, well, I can, you know, just sleep in tomorrow
50:15
or I can just, you know, go to bed a little bit later tonight.
50:18
And I was so flexible with like, I make my own schedule that I
50:21
really didn't realize how, you know, me adjusting and adapting
50:26
my schedule constantly was actually something that was
50:28
creating constant inconsistency and it was impacting me.
50:32
I was sacrificing some good quality sleep as a result of not
50:36
having any consistency in that bucket.
50:39
And most importantly, I find is that you sometimes will lack the
50:43
ability to you sacrifice spontaneity is how I would
50:47
describe it. You can't just, you know, pop
50:50
out and do X and like just do this X thing because it's fun.
50:53
You're looking at OK, well, like what do I have do that week and
50:56
what are the deadlines happening and what's my schedule and how
50:58
many calls do I have? And one thing about many female
51:04
entrepreneurs is that you sacrifice just doing things in
51:08
flow. And you probably run like a
51:11
military schedule, Like you're like, OK, kids, get up at this
51:15
time, feed the kids at this time, drop them off at this
51:17
time, sit at my laptop, do this call, complete this task in
51:20
here. Like whether you're single,
51:22
you're, you know, with kids, whatever it may be, there's just
51:25
a different level of intensity. But at the end of the day, you
51:28
run your schedule on military mode.
51:31
And as a result, you're constantly planning and problem
51:34
solving. But ultimately what you
51:36
sacrifice in that process is you're sacrificing being
51:38
spontaneous, which is the ability to say, I'm just going
51:41
to pick up and go do X, or I'm just going to decide that I want
51:44
to go do this thing today. And you can't necessarily always
51:48
do that because there's things that are required commitments
51:52
and responsibilities that are baked in that you have to manage
51:54
and take care of. So they're also, with
51:58
spontaneity, often times lacks simplicity because, for example,
52:03
if I, you know, want to just like shut down for a week, let's
52:08
say some businesses, including mine, can't just step away and
52:12
nobody notices. There's things that have to be
52:14
handled. What does the team need from me?
52:16
What do clients need from me? What does marketing need from
52:18
me? There's these aspects of
52:20
responsibility that are still there regardless of whether I
52:26
want to have this quick spontaneous thing or not.
52:28
It's not simple always to make moves in business and it's not
52:32
simple to make decisions because there's a domino effect.
52:35
There's a an aspect of complexity that is required to
52:39
complete certain decisions. And most importantly, often
52:43
times our mental state is at complete capacity.
52:47
Like think about the last time that you never even thought
52:51
about your business. You're like didn't cross my
52:53
mind. Like there's probably not been a
52:55
day or a week or a month where your business has not been in
52:58
some capacity on your mind. And that in itself is the
53:04
biggest thing I would say that I kind of miss about, I'm not
53:08
going to lie that I miss about a nine to five is like when I had
53:11
a nine to five, I had the ability to like literally clock
53:15
out. I don't think about work until I
53:17
come back the next day. It's not in my brain.
53:20
I'm present and relaxing. I'm present in my stuff.
53:22
I'm checked out. And you still, I want to be
53:25
clear, can get that as an entrepreneur.
53:27
It's just very difficult because even when you check out, you go,
53:32
OK, like, what do I have to do on Monday?
53:34
And like, what does my schedule look like?
53:35
And what do I have to manage? And then also, you know, did so
53:38
and so get that deliverable? Did we did we handle that task?
53:41
Your brain is just going, This is why in the middle of the
53:44
night, you probably are sleeping and you wake up and you think of
53:47
like a marketing thing you want to do or you offer, you want to
53:50
create or you're in the shower and you're like, I have a really
53:53
cool idea for a podcast. And you're like, wait a second,
53:56
I'm showering, right? Like there's these moments where
53:59
your brain is constantly consumed with business.
54:01
And I think it's something that many of us don't recognize is
54:04
like a luxury in a way that we give up.
54:06
We no longer have just this free mental space of like, I don't
54:09
think or, you know, worry or care about any of these things
54:11
anymore. Our business is always on our
54:13
brain. And lastly, it's financial.
54:16
And this is something that I struggle with a lot because
54:22
people around me will say like, they just don't have a team to
54:25
do it yourself. Like just don't pay that person
54:27
that much or just don't have people that cost that find
54:32
someone cheaper or whatever it may be.
54:34
And there are and have been people in my circle who do not
54:39
understand spending what I spend.
54:42
So like if I spend on a brand shoot and I say, oh, it was this
54:45
much, they're like what? Because like they don't see or
54:49
understand what is required or the sacrifice that's required of
54:52
investing in your business. I could totally have no team, no
55:00
people and, you know, do everything with a system of some
55:05
kind, Pare back the business, keep all the money for myself.
55:09
It's not like I'm not aware that that's an option.
55:11
I'm fully aware that's an option.
55:13
I don't want that option. And that's because that to me is
55:16
not actually even a business. That's just me basically
55:20
collecting cash to fund my lifestyle.
55:22
So what I think about when I think about my business, my team
55:26
or expenses, is like, I have to recognize that the business's
55:31
money is not my money. So there's a sacrifice there in
55:34
recognizing that. Well, I could be like, OK,
55:36
great. You know, we got a, you know, a
55:40
$50,000 wire transfer from someone amazing.
55:45
That's not my money. Like, that's not like, OK, Kate
55:48
goes on a shopping spree. Now this is like, hey, I'm
55:51
sacrificing that. Yeah, could I technically have
55:55
that go to me? Sure.
55:56
Number one, I would get assaulted in taxes.
55:58
But second, it doesn't make any sense 'cause that's not actually
56:01
what I'm building. So I know people around me have
56:03
always said, you know, isn't that a lot of of burden to like
56:08
carry people's salaries? And the concern around that for
56:11
you is, you know, the concern of, well, like, do you have
56:14
enough runway financially and like always worrying about that.
56:16
Yeah, like my brain is always thinking and considering and
56:20
working on, OK, like numbers, numbers, numbers, numbers all
56:22
the time. And you know investments that
56:25
we're making, things that we're spending on and often times for
56:29
most people in business, probably yourself as well, you
56:33
have to stay two to three steps ahead at all times financially.
56:36
You're looking at the runway and you're saying, OK, what do we
56:38
have coming in, what do we have going out, what's the target of
56:41
what we're going for, what are we working toward, what's our
56:44
launch target, etcetera. So there is this constant
56:50
capacity and managing that is required of you to oversee that
56:55
and to handle that and not again even itself financially.
56:59
There's a cost of you spending and things to grow your
57:02
business, but there's also a cost of the financial burden of
57:05
you of the pressure, especially for any of you who are
57:08
breadwinners. There's a very intense pressure
57:11
that comes with like my financial success is the direct
57:14
correlation of my family's stability.
57:17
That's a lot of pressure for you to hold, whether you have kids
57:21
or not, even if you're just a couple and you're you're a
57:23
breadwinner in that dynamic, it's still a lot for you to
57:27
handle. It's still a lot for you to hold
57:29
capacity for. And so I think as women, we just
57:33
don't allow ourselves to recognize enough what ambition
57:38
has asked of you. What has ambition asked of you?
57:43
And it's going to stretch you and it's going to expose you,
57:47
and it's going to challenge you, and it's going to like rewrite
57:50
you and who you knew you were. But I think that what I've
57:56
recognized is even with everything that we talked about
57:59
today, I wouldn't change any of it.
58:03
Truthfully, I wouldn't change any of it.
58:07
Ambition and the desire to achieve massive things has
58:12
caused me to need to sacrifice a lot.
58:15
I've sacrificed money, I've sacrificed time, I've sacrificed
58:18
relationships, I have sacrificed so many things and I wouldn't
58:23
change it because ultimately the only other option that I see is
58:30
to know what was possible to achieve and never go for it
58:33
because it required sacrifice in some way.
58:36
And I from, I'll speak for myself, I don't personally know
58:41
that I could handle looking at myself in 10 years and saying
58:46
I'm not fit because I wasn't OK to sacrifice going to the gym
58:50
when I didn't want to. I don't have the business I want
58:53
because I wasn't willing to sacrifice the $3000 for that
58:57
contractor that could help me because I wanted to keep the
58:59
money. I, you know, don't have
59:03
potentially the clients that you want because I wasn't willing to
59:06
sacrifice the investment that was required to invest into
59:09
marketing. So when I Fast forward with
59:12
anything, I sacrifice if I think, OK, if I didn't make this
59:14
move right now and I, I didn't give up my time, give up my
59:18
money, give up my energy, what would it look like?
59:23
And the easiest example, and I know I always come back to this,
59:25
but I'm just so incredibly inspired by moms.
59:27
As you probably can tell, I think about it like this.
59:30
Kids are one of the biggest responsibilities and probably
59:35
one of the most intense jobs that anybody can have.
59:38
Being a parent is an incredibly intense, strenuous, stretchy
59:42
exposing process. But any parent will tell you it
59:49
is the most exhausting and the most amount of work, but it is
59:52
also like the biggest blessing and the biggest gift in your
59:54
entire life. And that's that perspective is
59:59
how I think about. US with ambition in every
1:00:02
bucket. The thing that is actually
1:00:05
exciting the life that you want, the achievement that you see for
1:00:08
yourself, the vision of what's possible for your life is going
1:00:10
to require you to release things that are these preconceived.
1:00:16
Oh, what's a sacrifice to me? Yeah, that's what it takes.
1:00:21
That's also why there's such a small section of society that
1:00:26
does achieve the life they want. Think of how many people end up
1:00:31
on their deathbed regretting things that they never went for
1:00:36
it. They regretted not, you know,
1:00:37
maybe it's they regret working too much and not prioritizing
1:00:41
the relationship in the process of that or spending more
1:00:43
intentional time to find a balance between those.
1:00:47
They regret not being at the kids, you know, recital when
1:00:51
they were younger because they feel like they missed out on
1:00:53
that. There are regrets that people
1:00:55
have because of what they sacrificed when and where.
1:01:00
And So what I think about is what is the life that you want?
1:01:03
Like when you are fast forwarding to when you are 80
1:01:05
and when you're 90, What is the thing that is going to make you
1:01:09
feel like I really did it, Like I really did what mattered?
1:01:16
And I'll share with you what mine is.
1:01:18
Mine is not financial. I want to be very clear.
1:01:20
So I do not have my identity wrapped up in financial.
1:01:25
I listen as a salesperson, I love sales as much as the next
1:01:29
person, but I am not. My identity is not wrapped up
1:01:32
into money. What I actually really care
1:01:35
about when I'm 90, the sacrifices are #1 health.
1:01:39
I don't want to prematurely age or like age myself 20 years
1:01:43
because I'm treating my body like crap.
1:01:45
I really want to prioritize health to make sure that my body
1:01:48
is good so it can hold me down for the long haul.
1:01:51
OK, So I don't wanna look back at 90.
1:01:53
Like, man, if I probably hadn't had as much sugar, if I probably
1:01:56
haven't moved my body, I wouldn't be here.
1:01:58
So that's like #1 #2 relationship.
1:02:01
One of the things that I really for myself, I'm like in this
1:02:06
moment in time in my life, really bullish on is like, what
1:02:08
are the relationships around me, friendships that I'm pouring
1:02:11
into relationship with my partner.
1:02:14
It could even be spiritual relationship, you know, if it's
1:02:17
for myself, like a spiritual relationship with God or a faith
1:02:21
relationship with God. For you, it might be something
1:02:22
different. What are the relationships that
1:02:24
when you get older you're like, I really feel like I had so many
1:02:28
great connections. I had so many great experiences
1:02:30
and joys of people around me. The other thing for me is
1:02:33
family, which is recognizing that like I, I know that having
1:02:38
a family is going to be a lot of work and I know that having a
1:02:41
great relationship in correlation with being a mom is
1:02:43
going to be a lot of work. Being a great mom is going to be
1:02:45
a lot of work, but it's work that I want to do because when I
1:02:49
think about the alternative of not having that, I can't fathom
1:02:52
it for myself. This is just speaking for me,
1:02:55
for myself. And so I recognize that every
1:02:58
single thing that I want, the body I want, is going to require
1:03:01
me to go to the gym. The marriage I want is going to
1:03:03
require me to do date nights when I don't feel like it
1:03:05
sometimes, to feel like I have a hard conversation when I'm tired
1:03:08
and I want to do it the next day.
1:03:09
It's going to require those moments of sacrifice.
1:03:12
The business is going to require me to sometimes do things and
1:03:16
put in reps and put in work when I don't freaking want to, when I
1:03:19
don't want to. But the only other opportunity
1:03:25
if you don't want to make that sacrifice, and this is what I
1:03:27
tell people is you have to choose consciously.
1:03:29
This is my rule with all clients and even with myself now and
1:03:34
with friends. The life you want is a by
1:03:37
product of what you're doing right now.
1:03:38
So one of the best things that my sister ever said is show me
1:03:41
your habits and I'll show you the life you'll have.
1:03:43
And it really was about, if you tell me and show me what you're
1:03:47
doing in your business right now, I will tell you the kind of
1:03:49
business you're going to have in three years.
1:03:50
If you tell me what you're doing in your relationship right now,
1:03:52
I'll tell you how I would predict your relationship's
1:03:55
probably going to evolve. So you can see this correlation
1:03:59
between like cause and effect, meaning the things we sacrifice
1:04:02
today, the habits that we put in, often times we don't want to
1:04:05
what that will produce for us. So I think it's important for us
1:04:09
to recognize #1 when you are ambitious, you're going to
1:04:13
sacrifice things. So the complaining about like,
1:04:17
oh, this is a lot of work or this is inconvenient or this is
1:04:19
annoying, but that's also because you're choosing a
1:04:22
different life. You're choosing an off roading
1:04:24
path that is not typical. So that's why it is a little bit
1:04:27
bumpy and that's because not a lot of people go down it.
1:04:29
But the beautiful waterfall at the end is just makes everything
1:04:32
worth it. So that's why I want you to
1:04:34
think about this pursuit of ambition.
1:04:37
It isn't the common path. It isn't the easy way.
1:04:39
It isn't the the natural smooth highway that everybody's driving
1:04:42
down. You're like, why does this feel
1:04:44
bumpy? Why do I feel like it's not well
1:04:45
lit? Why do I feel like I'm not?
1:04:47
I don't know where I'm going. It requires you to show up in a
1:04:50
different way. It requires you to have a
1:04:51
different perspective, a different pursuit, a different
1:04:55
lens on how you see problems, all of it.
1:04:58
And So what I want to say is you are somebody right now that
1:05:02
because you want so much for yourself, you are going to at
1:05:06
moments feel that you are carrying this invisible weight.
1:05:09
And in fact, based off everything we're talking about
1:05:11
today, you are. So I want this to be the
1:05:15
validation that maybe you've been needing right now, the
1:05:18
conversation you've been needing, that the pressure
1:05:20
you're feeling, the sacrifices that you've been experiencing,
1:05:24
the reality that you've had is not something wrong with you.
1:05:28
And it is not that it should be easy or I shouldn't have to have
1:05:31
X or this shouldn't have to be a sacrifice.
1:05:33
It's about the fact that you want a very different and unique
1:05:36
and big and bold and beautiful life.
1:05:40
And sometimes in order to be able to achieve these really big
1:05:44
things, it's going to require you to show up in a very big
1:05:46
way. And it means that there's going
1:05:48
to be sacrifices in any bucket of your life that are required
1:05:52
for you to achieve that thing. And so I wanted today to be
1:05:56
really an opportunity for you to see yourself, frankly, for you
1:05:59
to see what you're holding, see what you're navigating, see what
1:06:03
you're managing. And just give yourself a moment
1:06:06
right now to just give yourself a pat on the back because number
1:06:10
one, you're doing it. You're here, you're listening to
1:06:14
this, you're investing in yourself, you're wanting to
1:06:17
learn about yourself, you're reflecting, you're doing the
1:06:20
work. And so the invitation is just to
1:06:23
show up for yourself as much as you are showing up for all of
1:06:26
these different pieces around you and to recognize what are
1:06:29
the sacrifices that I am making and ensure most importantly,
1:06:33
that you are choosing those consciously.
1:06:36
So if I, for example, I'm going to, you know, sacrifice my
1:06:40
weekends to start a second business, I don't get to be
1:06:43
resentful about that. I don't get to be angry about
1:06:45
that because it is my choice. I'm choosing it on the contrast,
1:06:49
if I do want the second business and I'm not willing to work
1:06:52
evenings and weekends, that's fine.
1:06:54
But I'm also choosing that the second business is not going to
1:06:57
grow nearly at the rate that it could if I did work evenings and
1:07:00
weekends. So remember, each way that you
1:07:02
go, you are ultimately choosing something.
1:07:06
So I would be curious today and listening, is there maybe
1:07:10
something that you feel as reflecting on this, What has
1:07:12
been, in your opinion, one of your biggest sacrifices within
1:07:16
your business? What's maybe been one of your
1:07:18
biggest sacrifices within your life?
1:07:20
And to just give yourself acknowledgement for that.
1:07:23
Give yourself acknowledgement that you are sacrificing that
1:07:27
and that that is in the pursuit of something bigger.
1:07:30
If there's something today that landed for you, maybe there's,
1:07:33
you know, something that I mentioned as a sacrifice of mine
1:07:36
or maybe of the list of all the things that I see that women are
1:07:38
navigating. I really want to invite you to
1:07:40
just share. I would love to hear what landed
1:07:43
for you. Is there a sacrifice that you
1:07:44
feel like you're like, man, I really never realized how much I
1:07:47
sacrifice in X area. And if so, I want you to know my
1:07:50
DMS as always are always open. I absolutely love hearing from
1:07:53
you and all the shares and the stories of how things land for
1:07:56
you and so of course if I can support you in any way, you know
1:08:00
where to find me. But with all that being said, I
1:08:02
will see you on the next episode.
1:08:03
And as always, stay ambitious.