Latest / Anele and the Club on 947 / Should you propose to your partner despite your father-in-law's conditions?

Transcript

Should you propose to your partner despite your father-in-law's conditions? · Anele and the Club on 947

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Wake up with a bang, Hi, wake up hand the trap.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: On nine four seven.
• 0:06
  Speaker 3: So y'all can never say I don't go beyond the
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: call of duty for you, because our curiosity just knows
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: no limits. Somebody sent us a voice not he wanted
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: to stay anonymous. His name is Tom. This is the
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: voice not he sent us.
• 0:22
  Speaker 4: Hi La, I prefer not to share my name. Tom,
• 0:26
  Speaker 4: Please keep me anonymous. But I'm planning on proposing to
• 0:30
  Speaker 4: my girlfriend of a few years now. I've already booked
• 0:34
  Speaker 4: we can get away. I bought the engagement ring and everything,
• 0:37
  Speaker 4: and last night I met her father obviously to get
• 0:43
  Speaker 4: his blessing, and he said I can have it, but
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: there's a condition.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: So now I'm just duck, like I don't know do I.
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: Go ahead with it against his wishes or like what what?
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: What do I do?
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: At which point we're like, great story, Tom, we really
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: want to come through and help you, But they're just
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: missing particulars to the.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Story in order for us to jump on board and
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: give our opinion.
• 1:08
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because either way depending on the conditions. You just
• 1:10
  Speaker 5: mentioned conditions, So we said, please, Tom, can you tell
• 1:13
  Speaker 5: us what the conditions were so we can discuss this
• 1:15
  Speaker 5: in the proper manner.
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: So yesterday we spent every hour replaying this voice mode
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: that's missing particulars, and we're like, Tom, that's the name
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: we've given you. Please send us another voice note with
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: the We're not going to even ask anyone in Johannesburg
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: to weigh in on this until.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: You tell us what it exactly is we weighing in on.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: Look, we can't now just be grabbing bubbles trying to
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: piece your story.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: Together exactly exactly, you know what I'm saying, Look at you, guys.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: Real journalism relies on the fact.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Oh stop a.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: Divvy, I'm coming after your throwing there.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: So Tom, did he send it?
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: You finally sent to follow up voice voice?
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: Sorry, I figured I figured you want to know a
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: little bit more so. The condition that he said was basically,
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: he said that I must wait about a year or
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: so until earning something more sustainable. So now it's just
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: like I don't know, do I go ahead with it
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: anyways against his wishes, or do I wait before I
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: you know, pop the question.
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: Okay, okay, he said, you you too broke to marry
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: my daughter.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: Oh tough one.
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: And also this man knows his daughter. Hey, he knows
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: exactly what it is. He's the one who's been taking
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: care of the daughter. He knows exactly what it is,
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: what the upkeep is there. And you're saying you're not
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: good for it. Give it a moment, gather some more nuts,
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: you know, over the winter. Typically, mind might just mind
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: your mind, Mind your mind, yill. That's all he's saying.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: It's not saying no, don't marry her. He's saying, just.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: You, it's too soon.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: The ground you're standing on is a little slippery.
• 2:49
  Speaker 6: No, guys, I disagree because the daughter has already been
• 2:52
  Speaker 6: with Tom, so she's clearly enjoying her backpacking experience. At
• 2:58
  Speaker 6: some point, you decided do you want to live in
• 3:00
  Speaker 6: a state a five style hotel or do you want
• 3:02
  Speaker 6: to go on KENTICKI And she's decided that she's much
• 3:05
  Speaker 6: happier on Kenticky with Tom.
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: No.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: But the thing is Tom is going to feel the
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: pressure when he is married to her, because okay, fine,
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: just the road to marriage and the entire process around
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: weddings and then the entire process of setting up your
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: forever life after you get married, that is pricey, that
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: is costly.
• 3:25
  Speaker 6: Don't you build along the way isn't that what you
• 3:27
  Speaker 6: guys said, for better or for poor?
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: That's the one. No, but it marriage is a pricey thing. Yeah,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: it's a pricey thing.
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: Even great you're going to ido just getting to idea.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: The entire thing is costly and is pricey. Even if
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: you're going to be oh no, we models be going
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: to go to the town hall and sign there and
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: all of them. The entire thing is pricey. This man
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: is saying, just save up a little bit more so
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: that you can then be ready for this.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: So here's the thing.
• 3:56
  Speaker 5: So firstly, Tom, well done, right, because I know how
• 3:58
  Speaker 5: stretchl it is for you to go chat to the dad. Right,
• 4:01
  Speaker 5: So that's the first thing. I don't think that this
• 4:03
  Speaker 5: is a financial thing. I think the dad, because the
• 4:06
  Speaker 5: dad says, wait a year till you're more stable. I
• 4:10
  Speaker 5: think the dad is trying to say, just wait a year,
• 4:12
  Speaker 5: let's just see where this is going.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: Maybe he feels this is too soon.
• 4:16
  Speaker 5: It's not he's using the financial part as an excuse that.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm thinking.
• 4:20
  Speaker 6: I hear you, because how do you decide that in
• 4:22
  Speaker 6: a year he will be earning better? Because there's no guarantee.
• 4:26
  Speaker 6: Just say what's coming in financially.
• 4:28
  Speaker 7: It's not even just about saving, to be honest with you,
• 4:30
  Speaker 7: it's also the reality of in a year things could
• 4:33
  Speaker 7: have changed in the relationship itself. Maybe he just doesn't
• 4:36
  Speaker 7: want them to get married. Also, this is just a
• 4:38
  Speaker 7: simple way of saying, hey, it's just ease off, let's wait.
• 4:41
  Speaker 7: Although for me personally, I would one hundred percent propose,
• 4:45
  Speaker 7: why are you going to plan and wait and hope
• 4:47
  Speaker 7: that something's going to be different? Ask the question, get
• 4:50
  Speaker 7: a negative response and just keep it.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Moving or positive response.
• 4:55
  Speaker 6: And I mean if they do get married and get
• 4:56
  Speaker 6: divorced because he can never make enough money, it'll be
• 4:58
  Speaker 6: a great dinner time story at some point.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: Oh a baby, Oh one one eight thirty eight nine
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: four seven. We have all the details, We have all
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: the particulars around the story. If you went to go
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: ask the father of your girlfriend for her hand in
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: marriage and he said, I have conditions, and the condition.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: Was wait a year. What's your next move?
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: Because Tom is now asking you, guys, what should his
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: next move be?
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because the next move is either wait a year
• 5:32
  Speaker 5: to make the dad happy, or propose against the wishes
• 5:37
  Speaker 5: of the father.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: And then I don't know what that road looks like.
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: Because yeah, the dad's also pretty unfair on this. I
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: just thought that thing was just to let you know
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: that I'm gonna do it, and not necessarily you coming
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: to say, actually, no, I don't give you, because that's
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: you're saying, I don't give you the place.
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: And yet yet you see, this is why it's so tricky.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: Just propose zero eight four double zero double zero nine
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: four seven. I can just tell now we're going to
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: get a story of someone telling us that they're actually
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: going to go ask for the hand in marriage and
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: the dad said, no, not even my foot, not even
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: my pink, You're not getting in blessing from me.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: What is Tom's next move?
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: Ahi, Nelly.
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: I prefer not to share my name, so please keep
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: me anonymous. But I'm planning on proposing to my girlfriend
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: of a few years now. I've already booked we can
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: get away. I bought the engagement ring and everything, and
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: last night I met her father obviously to get his blessing,
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: and he said I can have it, but there's a condition.
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: So now I'm just duck, Like I don't know, do
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: I go ahead with it against.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: His wishes or like what what what do I do?
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: Sorry, I figured I figured you want to know.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: A little bit more so.
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: The condition that he said was basically he said that
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: I'm wait about a year or so until earning something
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: more sustainable. So now it's just like I don't know,
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: do I go ahead with it anyways against his wishes,
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: or do I wait.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Before I you know, pop the question.
• 7:16
  Speaker 6: So I think asking the parents for their blessing is
• 7:20
  Speaker 6: not asking for permission.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: It's kind of just a heads up saying I'm letting
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: you know that.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: I'm going to do this. It should never be asking
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: for permission.
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: How does the father know that the guy is going
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: to be making more money in the next year.
• 7:32
  Speaker 6: Let me ask you guys as well that how do
• 7:34
  Speaker 6: you think the daughter would feel if you'd find out
• 7:37
  Speaker 6: that my dad said that I must wait another year.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: I think they must do it.
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: I don't see why they can't still get engaged now
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: and then wait a year before they get married.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Your father in law is not giving you his blessing.
• 7:48
  Speaker 8: The condition is just a way of him to delay
• 7:51
  Speaker 8: and hoping that you guys will probably break up in
• 7:53
  Speaker 8: this year and this year they're going to go hard
• 7:55
  Speaker 8: on convincing her, you're ano the right person for her.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: I know y'all have insights.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: Hey, I said this, I tend to agree.
• 8:04
  Speaker 5: I think that delay for a year is really the
• 8:07
  Speaker 5: dad saying I'm not sure about this, because he does
• 8:10
  Speaker 5: say in his first voice. Not Tom says, we've been
• 8:12
  Speaker 5: dating a few years. So they've already been going for
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: a few years. So the dad saying delay another year
• 8:18
  Speaker 5: to you earn more.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Guys, don't even do that.
• 8:21
  Speaker 6: Nothing buns a couple like struggle because now they have
• 8:25
  Speaker 6: a joint dream that one day we're gonna make it
• 8:27
  Speaker 6: up the hood together.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: And the joint enemy, which is you dad. Is that
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: Mischam's constantious truth.
• 8:34
  Speaker 9: Good morning, Micham, Good morning, Good morning, guys. How are
• 8:37
  Speaker 9: you doing?
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: We are great, Micham.
• 8:38
  Speaker 9: How are you well?
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: Think?
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: What do you think Tom should do? Go ahead and
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: do it.
• 8:43
  Speaker 9: He should go ahead and propose he's not marrying the father.
• 8:46
  Speaker 9: You should go and propose. Any relationship is not based
• 8:51
  Speaker 9: on money. Money comes and goes, so you're never gonna
• 8:53
  Speaker 9: have enough money. This is a delayed technic on the
• 8:56
  Speaker 9: dead spot.
• 9:00
  Speaker 10: You started for a weekend away and.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: Say that again.
• 9:04
  Speaker 9: You're talking about a guy doesn't ever enough money, but
• 9:06
  Speaker 9: you already spend money on the weekend away. You should
• 9:08
  Speaker 9: have asked you to dare to report this money for
• 9:10
  Speaker 9: the weekend.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: I you know what I I I hear both sides.
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: But one thing that the more I think about this,
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: my latest thought on this that just came into my
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: head now, is that actually for a marriage to be
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: successful is you guys have to have full autonomy of
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: your lives right right and and you must see you
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: mustn't you mustn't listen to her family, mustn't listen to
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: your family. You guys must decide what you want for
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: your souls and for your family that you are going
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: to start. And the best way to build that wall
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: around your family is now so is to be like dude,
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: I was just letting you know that this is my plan,
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: but I'm gonna go ahead and do it, and that
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: that kind of sets the tone for the rest of
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: your lives.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: For the families like we do what we want.
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: You can kind of say what you want to say,
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: but here it is me and my wife that decide
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: what we do what's based for this here family.
• 10:05
  Speaker 5: I had exactly the same thought, is the dad testing him,
• 10:08
  Speaker 5: because this is the moment where the dad's like, you
• 10:11
  Speaker 5: should be thank you for asking me. Just see if
• 10:14
  Speaker 5: you can stand up yourself, Sir, I hear you out.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: But this is the decision we're going to make.
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: Because if you can stand up to me, it means
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: you're gonna be able to stand up to my wife,
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: her mom, You're gonna be able to stand up to
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: your parents because your parents and your family are actually
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: the ones that are going to frustrate my daughter the most.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: So I need to see if you know how to
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: protect my daughter from outside family because they're the ones
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: who are always the holes that sink the ship.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: So Tom, I actually think dig deep here and just
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: think yeah.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: Deep into his pockets, well pockets.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: Just everywhere any place that you're able to dig. Just
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: think Tom, niveashi and olive there.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Or what's your take? Good money, guys, money vish.
• 10:55
  Speaker 11: I totally agree to the previous call of However, from
• 10:58
  Speaker 11: my side, I would like to say that Tom, you
• 11:02
  Speaker 11: should should go with it because I'm thinking the father
• 11:04
  Speaker 11: is not ready to let go. Oh he's not ready
• 11:07
  Speaker 11: financially waiting.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I cannot hear a word he says.
• 11:11
  Speaker 6: He thinks the father is not ready to let go
• 11:13
  Speaker 6: of the daughter, and also that the dad made himself
• 11:16
  Speaker 6: not be ready to be.
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: So I'm not ready nigg to give her the wedding
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: of her dreams.
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: So right, but give me a year to say while
• 11:29
  Speaker 5: they're engaged.
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: Hmmm, but things need to be paid off now. Hey,
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: now I'm more inclined to go with what I think.
• 11:37
  Speaker 5: Mm hmm, which is you think it's it's it's it's
• 11:40
  Speaker 5: almost like a taste.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because I can guarantee you now, if we are
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: to ask people to call in and tell us about
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: the trials and tribulations in marriage come from immediate family
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: around you.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you're gonna be tasted.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: You're gonna You're gonna be tasted. And then everyone's gonna
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: want to have their opinion where you guys live, where
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: your kids go to school, what you name your kid,
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: all of those things. And if either of the parties
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: don't know how to protect the other party from their family,
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: that's when marriages fail. If you don't know how to
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: protect your wife from your mother, that's when the marriage
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: is going to fail. If you don't know how to
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: protect your husband from your family, from your brothers, from
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: your dad, from your own That's when the marriage is
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: going to fail because everybody wants to have their two
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: cents and how you guys should run your marriage.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: And this is the first thing I'd like to marry
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: your daughter.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: No, give it a year.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: No, thank you. I'm just letting you.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: Know that I'm gonna that's the first time you're like.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: Thanks, cheers.
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: I think Tom is asking also for the gentsen joe
• 12:39
  Speaker 5: Burg that have had the situation. You asked and then
• 12:43
  Speaker 5: the dad said no, What did you do?
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah? I think Tom wants a little bit of advice.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: Did you go through with it?
• 12:48
  Speaker 5: Did you go against the dad's wishes and it all
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: worked out perfectly?
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: Hey, I wonder.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: After you say no, you can't do you do? I
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: still stay and finish my beer?
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Like, how does the conversation?
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: How do to the next thing?
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: How do we do.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: We walk to the parking lot and we're paying each
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: other's parking leg What happens exactly after the sorry?
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: I figured you want to know a little bit more so.
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: The condition that he said was basically he said that
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: I must wait about a year or so until earning
• 13:21
  Speaker 4: something more sustainable. So now it's just like, I don't know,
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: do I go ahead with it anyways against his wishes,
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: or do I wait before I, you know, pop the question.
• 13:35
  Speaker 8: In the meantime, back at the ranch, she's dropping him
• 13:38
  Speaker 8: to left right and saying, so, oh, it would be
• 13:39
  Speaker 8: so nice to get engaged.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: Oh, look, this is.
• 13:42
  Speaker 8: The engagement ring I'd love to have one day.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: And Tom is under all this pressure. Don't underestimate the
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: intuition of a parent.
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: I feel like I think the dad knows something about Tom.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: There's something about Tom that doesn't sit well with the dad.
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: I'm listening to these comments those people that's because he's
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: thinking to themselves, love doesn't conker all.
• 14:06
  Speaker 6: Tom knows why the father in law asked him to eat,
• 14:09
  Speaker 6: So I think he's.
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: Not being fully honest about why the dad is asking
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: him to eat.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: He knows, Tom, Girl, dads are just faulty.
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: So just.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: Your mask, Tom.
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: But guys, Tom says that the dad said, until you're
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: earning something more, what's substantial sustainable?
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 14:32
  Speaker 5: He also said a year or so, so that could
• 14:35
  Speaker 5: be two years.
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: Then I didn't hear that that he was specific about
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: the earning part, because remember I said it wasn't about
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: money and you guys said, it's not necessarily about money.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: The dad literally said, trust me, you need to be
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: earning something more sustainable.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Don't ignore that.
• 14:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah, this, I think this is an incredibly difficult situation
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: because if if you if you go ahead, like I mean,
• 14:55
  Speaker 5: many people have said that she's waiting for the ring,
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: and now you go ahead, you do this. Now the
• 14:59
  Speaker 5: dad's going to be let's see now what's going to happen.
• 15:02
  Speaker 5: But if you wait, then you've got pressure on your
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: on her side.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: I only have one close friend where this happened, where
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: the dad said just give it, just give it a
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: bit so.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: That you can start making more.
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: But it's because the dad knew what type of life
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: he had accustomed his daughter to, you know what I'm saying.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: And it actually ended up catching up with them because
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: she so now she would ask for like something that
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: he couldn't afford, and then.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: Then the parents would jump into yes.
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, because that's what she's used to. Because the
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: parents don't want her to now have to get used
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: to a life that you know, that isn't her life,
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: because this is what they have raised her.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: But I mean, surely she should know what she's in for.
• 15:50
  Speaker 11: No.
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: But you must remember when you're in love, you don't
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: think that it matters. But when you are knee deep
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: in it and you are used to going overseas twice
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: a year and now you're never going overseas again, you
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: will start building resentment towards your husband because you like
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: bra this is what this is what I used to do,
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: and even at times I can afford as a woman,
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: I can afford to take us overseas, but you're too
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: proud to let me pay for us to go overseas,
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: and that causes tension in a marriage. So that Dad
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: is basically saying, you, guys are gonna have tension because
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: this is what I know she's used to and you
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: can afford it just yet.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: But what is the way around that? Then you'll just
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: have to wait?
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: Bryce? You in Rudaport, Good morning, guys. How are you
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: only good? Bryce?
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: See?
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: How are you?
• 16:35
  Speaker 12: I'm good?
• 16:35
  Speaker 13: It's my second time calling. Can I get an air hon,
• 16:38
  Speaker 13: Yeah you can.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: You can get an air on whenever you call. How's that?
• 16:45
  Speaker 11: Thank you so much?
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: And earlier.
• 16:47
  Speaker 13: So back to the situation, right, I think we need
• 16:51
  Speaker 13: to be cognizant that they are conversation that might or
• 16:56
  Speaker 13: might not have happened between.
• 16:59
  Speaker 12: The doors her and the father, and perhaps the father.
• 17:04
  Speaker 13: Might feel that, you know, if we put a number
• 17:08
  Speaker 13: to it, like three hundred kaper and for Tom to
• 17:12
  Speaker 13: earn is not where they should be. Right, You also
• 17:17
  Speaker 13: need to be cognizant that these conversations happening where the
• 17:23
  Speaker 13: father might have the fear that, yeah, she won't be
• 17:25
  Speaker 13: able to remain in by him. But the other factor
• 17:29
  Speaker 13: that I wanted that I was telling Tato about is
• 17:35
  Speaker 13: Tom and his his his to future partner. You need
• 17:38
  Speaker 13: to speak about this finance things and see where the
• 17:41
  Speaker 13: root cause is coming from. Is it coming from her directly,
• 17:46
  Speaker 13: does she have a fear about talking about finance to
• 17:48
  Speaker 13: stream about it or is it coming directly from the father,
• 17:53
  Speaker 13: Because if it is, then we're already getting early into
• 17:57
  Speaker 13: that whole family tobacco thing. My honest opinion, Look, I've
• 18:04
  Speaker 13: been through it. I've been I've gone and asked my
• 18:09
  Speaker 13: uh my father in law for any marriage and I
• 18:12
  Speaker 13: had nothing.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: I had.
• 18:14
  Speaker 13: I never had an experience of a monster in law.
• 18:19
  Speaker 11: Father in law.
• 18:19
  Speaker 13: But I think they need to find the root cause
• 18:22
  Speaker 13: of this and if it's a problem it's going to
• 18:26
  Speaker 13: taste them, and if it's coming from all the dad's side,
• 18:30
  Speaker 13: I'd say Tom has a bigger challenge to face because
• 18:34
  Speaker 13: in order in order to convince his future father in law,
• 18:39
  Speaker 13: he's gonna be at this constant thing.
• 18:41
  Speaker 12: You know what he's ned this maybe self doubt that
• 18:44
  Speaker 12: he can't do it. Maybe maybe you know, such would
• 18:48
  Speaker 12: he be able to convince everyone. And this is something minor,
• 18:52
  Speaker 12: but I really do feel that Tom and his parson
• 18:55
  Speaker 12: need to break this down, see where it came from,
• 18:58
  Speaker 12: and then if fin answers is really an issue, maybe
• 19:03
  Speaker 12: maybe indirectly the daughter might have talken to the it's okay,
• 19:10
  Speaker 12: but she they need to be a root cause.
• 19:15
  Speaker 5: I get what Bryce is saying. Rice is saying, maybe
• 19:17
  Speaker 5: maybe the daughter is back channeling the conversation through the dad.
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: So she's been speaking to the dad with her fears
• 19:23
  Speaker 5: about this to talk to Tom, all right, So he's saying,
• 19:26
  Speaker 5: maybe she's just back channeling, and.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: You know this could be the great part time.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: Like Bryce is saying, for you guys to have the
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: conversation before you get engaged around your finances, because more
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: marriages have failed due to finances than a lack of
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: love exactly right, And I think people don't speak about that.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: Every time you hear that people are separated their divorce,
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: we all assume, Oh, it's cheating, or they don't love
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: each other anymore, or they've grown distance, or the wife
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: has quietly left the marriage emotionally. It's finances, guys, it's often,
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: it's often finances. Let's wrap it up quickly. We're going
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: to note writing Tabisa, what.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: Do you think?
• 20:03
  Speaker 10: Good morning on Eli.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: In the club morning tis.
• 20:07
  Speaker 10: My advice is Tom, just marry your woman. Everything also
• 20:11
  Speaker 10: fall into place off that.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: M M.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: Don't do that.
• 20:14
  Speaker 10: Let me tell you why. Let me tell you why.
• 20:16
  Speaker 10: When when I was dating my now wife, my father
• 20:19
  Speaker 10: in law told my wife to break up with me
• 20:21
  Speaker 10: right or else she was going to kick you out
• 20:23
  Speaker 10: of the house. She doesn't break up with me. She
• 20:26
  Speaker 10: got kicked out of the house. Two years later, asked
• 20:28
  Speaker 10: her to marry me. Now, me and the father in
• 20:30
  Speaker 10: law have a good relationship, so everything will fall into play.
• 20:34
  Speaker 10: Just marry a woman. Everything else will work out.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: What was your father in law's apprehension about you?
• 20:43
  Speaker 10: Funny story? Well, I you my father and love for
• 20:46
  Speaker 10: my wife. So we had a certain interception about me,
• 20:50
  Speaker 10: which was obviously not true.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: But that was the reason he thought you were a player.
• 20:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you had part I admit deny that he.
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: Belonged to the streets, the sidewalk and the pavement.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: Knew you well.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: This man's never gonna settle down. Don't marry him.
• 21:10
  Speaker 10: I mean, we've got a good family now, we've got kids,
• 21:13
  Speaker 10: we've got a good relationship. Thing worked out. At the
• 21:16
  Speaker 10: end of the day.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: Okay, everything, Tom, We have given you all the possible
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: scenarios for you to run through them. We've given you
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: all the pros, the cons the assumptions, the facts, the insights.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: It is now up to you. But like I always say,
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: things fail because of no decision. Whatever decision you take
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: to make right, that's the one that's going to work.
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: And let us know, please when you do propose bid
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: now next week, when you're going away, or next year,
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: or you're in a bit like if you're gonna listen
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: to your father in law, either way, let us know
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: what the decision is.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: Sad to making your morning and the club on nine
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: four seven,