Latest / Networking Unleashed: Building Profitable Connections / Networking Unleashed: S1E42 An Interview with Mike Litton and Michael A Forman, Public Speaker

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Networking Unleashed: S1E42 An Interview with Mike Litton and Michael A Forman, Public Speaker · Networking Unleashed: Building Profitable Connections

• 0:16
  Hello, and welcome to Networking Unleashed, building
• 0:20
  profitable connections. Welcome back to the show,
• 0:23
  folks. I'm your host, Michael Foreman, and you're
• 0:26
  listening to the podcast where networking is
• 0:29
  more than just awkward handshakes and bad coffee.
• 0:32
  It's an art and a talent. But here's the twist.
• 0:35
  It's an art and talent you can actually learn.
• 0:39
  Yes, even if you're the person hiding in the
• 0:42
  corner at every event, pretending to check emails.
• 0:47
  Networking isn't just a nice skill to have, it's
• 0:49
  a game changer. And when you get good at it,
• 0:52
  you'll wonder why you didn't start sooner. More
• 0:55
  connections, more opportunities, more profits.
• 0:59
  It's like unlocking a cheat code for life. So
• 1:02
  whether you're the life of the party or the just
• 1:04
  let me stay at home and text type, we've got
• 1:07
  something for you. So stick around and let's
• 1:10
  turn those awkward small talk moments into big
• 1:13
  wins. Now, I've got a guest today who I really
• 1:18
  feel a kinship with. I was on his podcast recently,
• 1:23
  but I feel like I've known Mike for years. I'd
• 1:27
  like to introduce to you Mike Litton. And Mike
• 1:31
  has over 31 years of experience in real estate,
• 1:34
  finance, and investing. He's passionate about
• 1:38
  being a father, a teacher, a realtor, an investor,
• 1:42
  and a leader. And I want to tell you that with
• 1:45
  my mortgage background and his mortgage background,
• 1:48
  we could talk for three hours. But let me just
• 1:51
  introduce Mike Linton and let him give you a
• 1:54
  little bit more. Mike, how are you? Good, buddy.
• 1:57
  How are you? Not bad. Why don't you tell us a
• 1:59
  little bit about your background? So I've been
• 2:02
  in real estate for 33 years now. That's actually
• 2:05
  an old, that's some old material anyway. But
• 2:07
  yeah, 33 years as of a couple of weeks ago. And
• 2:11
  I got started in the business because I got turned
• 2:12
  down for a home loan. So be careful saying no
• 2:14
  to me, right? So I get going in real estate in
• 2:18
  1992 in the mortgage business and I became really
• 2:23
  successful in it. I became one of the nation's
• 2:26
  top producers and year after year did really
• 2:29
  well. And I worked really hard and I earned a
• 2:34
  lot of the success that I had. But I also learned
• 2:37
  a ton about. people and about specifically how
• 2:41
  to work with people and how to work with them
• 2:43
  better. Because not everybody that we come across
• 2:45
  in this industry, not everybody that we come
• 2:47
  across is necessarily a match for our behavioral
• 2:50
  style. And so we have to adapt and overcome,
• 2:53
  right? So 33 years. And I also, in 2000, went
• 2:57
  to an annual event that the building industry
• 3:01
  in San Diego puts on called the Bull and Bear.
• 3:04
  And it's January of every year, and it's a dinner
• 3:06
  that everybody goes to. And the bull gets up
• 3:08
  and talks about how wonderful everything's going
• 3:10
  to be, and the bear gets up and talks about how
• 3:11
  terrible everything's going to be for that year.
• 3:14
  And this one time in 2000, January 2000, these
• 3:18
  two honyaks actually agreed on something. They
• 3:21
  couldn't agree on the color of the sky, okay?
• 3:23
  But they agreed on one thing, and that was that
• 3:26
  we were running out of permittable land in San
• 3:28
  Diego County. And I was 100 % builder. purchase
• 3:33
  loans. So I, all of my loans, I was a builder
• 3:35
  rep and all of my loans were purchase loans and
• 3:38
  they were all builder. And I had close to 300
• 3:40
  loans in my pipeline at the time. And I had a
• 3:43
  baby at home and I had another one on the way.
• 3:46
  And I got a chill from the top of my head to
• 3:48
  the bottom of my feet. And I just went, okay,
• 3:50
  I'm a big fish in an ever smaller pond, right?
• 3:54
  And I need to diversify. So by the time that
• 3:57
  year, 2000, was over, I had been pre -approved
• 4:01
  and had been in application to buy and start
• 4:07
  a Keller Williams Realty franchise. And so that
• 4:10
  was my way of diversifying. I ended up starting
• 4:13
  that in January of 2020 or 2001. And we started,
• 4:18
  we were supposed to have 22 agents. We started
• 4:20
  with four, partly because somebody that started
• 4:23
  the company with me didn't know what truth meant.
• 4:26
  And so we ended up with four and everybody went,
• 4:28
  oh, you're going to fail. You'll never succeed.
• 4:30
  And we ended up owning that office for 18 years.
• 4:34
  And we had one of the largest real estate offices
• 4:36
  in North America. And it was an amazing experience.
• 4:40
  I loved every second of it. The thing that I
• 4:43
  learned was I learned how to deal with a whole
• 4:46
  lot of people with a whole lot of different personalities
• 4:48
  and different agendas. And a lot of those agendas
• 4:51
  didn't match, right? And so it was a real learning
• 4:54
  experience. During that time in 2011, 2008, we
• 4:58
  had the Great Recession. In 2011, it seemed like
• 5:01
  everybody was losing their homes to foreclosure.
• 5:04
  I was an REO broker. I was going out and knocking
• 5:06
  on people's doors and telling them that they
• 5:08
  didn't own the house anymore and that they needed
• 5:10
  to move. And they would tell me, oh, no, that's
• 5:13
  not possible because I just gave a law firm $9
• 5:16
  ,000 yesterday and they guaranteed me in writing
• 5:18
  that I'd never lose my house to foreclosure.
• 5:22
  That was the kind of thing we were dealing with.
• 5:24
  I got so frustrated that I started a radio show
• 5:26
  called The Real Estate Zone on 760 KFMB. We took
• 5:31
  the least listened to hour they had their entire
• 5:33
  weekend lineup and turned it into number one
• 5:35
  in all of AM radio in eight weeks. And they told
• 5:39
  me that hadn't happened in 34 years. So we did
• 5:43
  it because we were telling the truth, Michael.
• 5:45
  We were literally saving thousands and thousands
• 5:47
  of homes from foreclosure. And so what ended
• 5:51
  up from what came from all that was I ended up
• 5:53
  on television, started my radio career, so to
• 5:56
  speak, in San Diego and television, right? I've
• 5:59
  been on ever since 2011. And one of the things
• 6:02
  that I dearly loved was I dearly. loved getting
• 6:04
  people's stories. I dearly loved meeting people
• 6:07
  for the first time. I just, I dig people. You
• 6:10
  know that. I think I hide it well, but you've
• 6:12
  figured it out, right? So one of the things I
• 6:17
  promised myself was I knew when I had a podcast
• 6:19
  that I would go deep. I wouldn't have hard, you
• 6:23
  know, commercial breaks. I wouldn't have network
• 6:25
  breaks. I wouldn't have all the stuff that you
• 6:27
  have in commercial radio because I literally
• 6:29
  would just have time. And so what we do with
• 6:33
  the Mike Litton experience is just like we did
• 6:35
  with you. We get people's life stories. We start
• 6:37
  with where they were born, go all the way up
• 6:39
  to today. We've done 322 episodes in less than
• 6:43
  19 months. And it's been amazing. It's been absolutely
• 6:46
  amazing. We're heard in 60 countries worldwide,
• 6:49
  6 -0 -60, which is still hard for me to imagine
• 6:53
  when I say that. We've been listened to over
• 6:55
  2 .35 million times, over 2 million downloads.
• 7:00
  Crazy, just crazy. But it's been a riot. It's
• 7:03
  been a great amount of fun. And I really thoroughly
• 7:06
  enjoyed it. It sounds like you have the personality
• 7:10
  to do everything that you're doing. That's why
• 7:13
  I think you don't really think you're doing well
• 7:18
  that well, but you are. But you're enjoying it
• 7:21
  so much that you're just having fun and you're
• 7:24
  doing well. So it's a good combination to have.
• 7:26
  It's an absolute riot, man. It's just fun. Okay,
• 7:31
  so let me ask you, how did you first discover
• 7:34
  the power of asking questions in your personal
• 7:38
  and professional life? Oh, God, great question.
• 7:42
  So I'll tell you the personal one, and this is
• 7:47
  a little embarrassing. I love those. Actually,
• 7:50
  it's humiliating. It's humiliating, but I'm going
• 7:53
  to tell you anyway. So I met a girl. In 1992.
• 8:03
  And I fell in love with her and I decided I was
• 8:07
  going to marry her and we were going to have
• 8:09
  kids. And right. That was 32 years ago. So we
• 8:15
  just celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary
• 8:17
  a couple of months ago, January 5th. And we were
• 8:21
  in premarital counseling and I went to our pastor
• 8:22
  and I said, listen, by the way, he's one of the
• 8:25
  nicest people you ever meet in your life. And
• 8:27
  I said, you need to consider me a blank slate.
• 8:29
  And he goes, what does that mean? And I said,
• 8:31
  I haven't had a relationship with a girl that's
• 8:32
  lasted more than 60 days. And I said, so I don't
• 8:36
  know how to be in a relationship with a woman.
• 8:38
  And I don't ever want to get divorced. So I need
• 8:42
  you to help me be a husband. Teach me how to
• 8:45
  be a husband. And so we're going through the
• 8:48
  processes. We're going through the process. At
• 8:50
  one point, my fiance at the time is now my wife,
• 8:53
  gets up and runs out of his office crying. And
• 8:57
  this man who is the sweetest heart of just about
• 9:00
  anybody you've ever met other than my son looks
• 9:05
  at me with the most exasperated look on his face.
• 9:08
  And he says, Mike, you have to ask yourself a
• 9:10
  question. I said, okay, what's that? He goes,
• 9:13
  do you want to be married or do you want to be
• 9:15
  right? Okay. Yep. And it was like, oh. Great
• 9:24
  question. So I've asked myself that question
• 9:27
  now, I don't know how many millions of times
• 9:29
  over the last 31 years. But that's the that's
• 9:32
  where I learned the power of questions in my
• 9:36
  personal life. Okay. And I started and what it
• 9:40
  did was it started this wildfire of, okay, if
• 9:43
  that question works, let's ask some more. Let's
• 9:46
  ask. questions that actually help us to bond
• 9:49
  as a couple. Let's ask questions about that help
• 9:52
  us plan for the future, all that kind of thing.
• 9:54
  Yeah. So that was the power of questions of the
• 9:55
  personal life. In the professional life, I took
• 9:59
  the personal life experience and started using
• 10:02
  it in my professional life. I became a better
• 10:05
  loan officer. I became a better manager. I became
• 10:08
  a better leader because I started asking questions
• 10:11
  because ultimately I asked myself a different
• 10:15
  question than I had personally, but it was, do
• 10:18
  I want to be right? Or do I want to be in business
• 10:20
  with this person? Do I want to be right? Or do
• 10:23
  I want to have the opportunity to lead this person?
• 10:25
  Okay. And what it did was it started me down
• 10:29
  this road. In 2000, we bought this Keller Williams
• 10:33
  franchise. One of the things that Keller Williams
• 10:36
  requires is they require that you go through
• 10:37
  a series of training in order to qualify to be
• 10:41
  the owner of an operating principal of a market
• 10:44
  center. And so I went through that training.
• 10:47
  The biggest part of that training is how to ask
• 10:50
  effective questions, like how to sit with people
• 10:52
  and how to actually have a conversation with
• 10:55
  them when you're recruiting them, when you're
• 10:58
  getting to know them. When you have people that
• 11:01
  are in your charge that work for you and right.
• 11:03
  When you're interviewing potential employees,
• 11:06
  the whole thing. And so I'm conflict resolution,
• 11:09
  the whole deal. And so I learned basically from
• 11:13
  that one question in premarital counseling, which
• 11:16
  by the way, he said was the most excruciating
• 11:18
  experience of his life. It wasn't because of
• 11:22
  my wife, man. Yeah. I'm a lot, Michael. I'm sure
• 11:26
  you are. I know you've met me, but I'm a lot,
• 11:31
  man. Yeah. So it basically grew from there. And
• 11:33
  then several years after we bought the franchise
• 11:37
  and started with Keller Williams, they taught
• 11:39
  a class called the Consulting Clinic. And Bev
• 11:44
  Steiner, who's still with Keller Williams, she's
• 11:45
  a regional owner and operating principal and
• 11:48
  all that. She's just an amazing woman. She taught
• 11:50
  this class at the La Costa Resort. And I'll never
• 11:54
  forget this. And she had all of us get up and
• 11:57
  she had us stand up. And we were to ask each
• 11:59
  other questions, okay? And the first person who
• 12:03
  answered a question had to sit down, okay? So
• 12:07
  there's a room, if you can imagine, 150, 200
• 12:09
  people, okay? And all of them get up and they
• 12:12
  start asking each other questions. And very quickly,
• 12:14
  the group of 200 shrunk down to about 10, okay?
• 12:19
  And she's like, all right, all right. Those of
• 12:21
  you that are still standing, sit down. You're
• 12:23
  just showing off. By the way, that group that
• 12:30
  was still standing, right? And so it was something
• 12:34
  where questions were encouraged, but they were
• 12:38
  encouraged as a way to communicate and a way
• 12:41
  to deepen your relationship with each other.
• 12:45
  And that was something that really resonated
• 12:47
  with me. Very good. And I have to give some acclaim
• 12:52
  to your pastor. I've been married going to be
• 12:55
  36 years. come May. And he is so right. He is
• 13:02
  so right. And I take that to heart. I really
• 13:05
  do. They've gone on since our premarital counseling,
• 13:09
  they've gone on to write and publish over 40
• 13:11
  books on marriage and family. They're some of
• 13:15
  the foremost experts in the world on the subject.
• 13:17
  And we were very fortunate. They hadn't written
• 13:19
  a single book when they did our premarital counseling.
• 13:22
  But when they talk about Mike and Mimi in their
• 13:23
  books, Mike and Mimi. They're talking about us.
• 13:27
  And I'm like, are you sure you're not talking
• 13:29
  about a cautionary tale? What not to do? And
• 13:33
  they're like, oh, we use you as an example of
• 13:34
  what to do. I said, wow. Let me ask you a question.
• 13:37
  How long was it before Mimi came back into the
• 13:39
  room? You said she stormed off crying. That's
• 13:43
  a good question. It was probably 30 minutes.
• 13:45
  It was probably close to 30 minutes. Because
• 13:47
  one of the things that happened was he looked
• 13:48
  at me with the most exasperated look on his face.
• 13:50
  He asked me that question. And then he goes,
• 13:52
  stay here. And he leaves. I was in his office
• 13:57
  with, at the time, there were three of us, right?
• 13:59
  Now, all of a sudden, I'm sitting there with
• 14:01
  my thoughts, right? I'm the only one there. And
• 14:04
  he went to go find her. And he talked with her.
• 14:07
  outside for 30 minutes. And then she calmed down
• 14:10
  and she came back in. And I think he was afraid
• 14:12
  she wasn't coming back. I really, he's probably
• 14:15
  there convincing her to come back. Do you like,
• 14:17
  come on back. I'll show you. All right. Okay.
• 14:24
  What's one question every leader should ask their
• 14:28
  team regularly? Oh, wow. Great question. Great
• 14:32
  question. I believe, and again, this is my opinion,
• 14:36
  okay, but I believe that every leader should
• 14:40
  ask their team on a regular basis, how are we
• 14:42
  doing? How are we doing as a company in supporting
• 14:45
  you? Is there anything that we're missing that
• 14:49
  you need? Is there anything in particular that
• 14:52
  you would need us to provide so that you can
• 14:54
  succeed at a higher level? Do you feel fulfilled?
• 14:57
  Okay, because ultimately, It's not about the
• 15:02
  leader. It's about who they're leading, and it's
• 15:04
  about how they feel about what's going on with
• 15:08
  the company, okay? So I'm going to give you an
• 15:10
  example. So we're writing a book on the power
• 15:12
  of questions, just full disclosure, right? We're
• 15:15
  actually writing seven books, we found out, as
• 15:17
  I shared with you before we hit record. We're
• 15:19
  actually writing seven books. One of them, the
• 15:21
  first one's on the power of questions. And the
• 15:24
  idea is you have to care enough to ask, okay?
• 15:27
  So Scott Mann, who's a retired Lieutenant Colonel
• 15:30
  of Green Beret, wrote a book called Nobody's
• 15:32
  Coming to Save You, Green Beret's Guide to Getting
• 15:35
  Big Stuff Done. It's not stuff, but it's, you
• 15:38
  know, right. It's a G -rated show, right? So
• 15:40
  he tells this story of this company that hired
• 15:45
  him to come in and be their speaker at their
• 15:48
  annual meeting. And there's hundreds of people
• 15:51
  sitting in the audience, large company, large
• 15:53
  group of people. And the CEO gets up and says,
• 15:56
  I'm going to introduce Scott Mann, our speaker
• 15:59
  here in a minute, but I wanted to go through
• 16:00
  a real quick slide deck and catch you up to speed
• 16:02
  on where we are as a company. He looked out into
• 16:06
  the audience and the CEO had just started with
• 16:09
  his presentation. He looked out in the audience,
• 16:11
  Scott did, and all of his people were on their
• 16:13
  phones. He had lost them. And it had been a matter
• 16:17
  of seconds, Michael. Absolutely. Matter of seconds.
• 16:19
  Yep. Now, I would submit to you that if that
• 16:22
  same CEO had gotten up and said, hey, I'm going
• 16:25
  to introduce Scott Mann here in a minute, but
• 16:27
  I wanted to go through this slide deck real quick
• 16:29
  and share with you where we are as a company.
• 16:31
  Let me ask you a question. You're out there on
• 16:34
  the firing line every day. You're the ones that
• 16:36
  are out there making us successful. How do you
• 16:38
  think we did this year? What do you think this
• 16:40
  slide deck is going to say? Does anybody want
• 16:42
  to take a guess? All you have to do, Michael,
• 16:45
  is get one or two people to raise their hands.
• 16:48
  That's all you have to do. Enter into a dialogue
• 16:51
  with them, okay? It's this tribal mentality that
• 16:55
  if one person in the audience is talking to the
• 16:58
  speakers talking to all of them, okay? They're
• 17:02
  paying attention. They're not looking on their
• 17:03
  phone. They're rubbernecking to try to figure
• 17:06
  out if they know who that person is that is talking
• 17:08
  directly to the CEO because they haven't had
• 17:11
  a chance to and they want to. It literally comes
• 17:15
  down to your ability as a leader to engage your
• 17:19
  people. Okay. I interviewed a lady the other
• 17:22
  day that worked for Whataburger for 20 some years.
• 17:25
  And she had a CEO that she basically worked directly
• 17:30
  for him. Okay. So I call her my CEO whisperer.
• 17:34
  Okay. She said he would go into meetings with
• 17:36
  people that were two and three levels below him.
• 17:39
  And he would sit with them and he'd take a pad
• 17:43
  of paper in and he'd close the door and he'd
• 17:44
  ask them, so how are we doing? How are you doing?
• 17:48
  What's helping you to succeed here? What do you
• 17:52
  need to help you succeed here? And this man,
• 17:54
  the CEO, would take notes. Do you know what happens
• 17:57
  when you ask people about themselves and they
• 18:00
  tell you about themselves? What happens? You
• 18:05
  bond. They bond with you. Because that's their
• 18:08
  favorite subject. Now, grandparents and parents
• 18:11
  will tell you that their favorite subject is
• 18:13
  their kids and their grandkids. It's not true.
• 18:16
  The reason why their kids and their grandkids
• 18:18
  are their favorite subject is because it's them.
• 18:21
  They're an extension of them, right? They are
• 18:24
  the fruits of their life. Make sense? Okay. And
• 18:28
  all the investment that they've made raising
• 18:30
  those kids and grandkids. But their absolute
• 18:33
  favorite person to talk about is themselves.
• 18:36
  So all you have to do is ask people about themselves,
• 18:40
  and they will literally pour into you what's
• 18:43
  going on with them. You just have to care enough
• 18:46
  to ask, right? They will tell you what's going
• 18:50
  on with them. If you sit there and take notes,
• 18:53
  do you know what happens? What? You validate
• 18:57
  them. Of course, yes. 1 ,000%. What you're describing.
• 19:04
  Yes, it's a leader. I go through a whole thing
• 19:07
  of saying the difference between leaders and
• 19:09
  bosses. And a leader teaches leaders. Bosses
• 19:15
  just shout commands. So a leader is teaching
• 19:18
  leaders to lead. And the only way they learn
• 19:22
  is by listening to them. You had so many things
• 19:27
  that hit the nail on the head in so many different
• 19:30
  areas, I couldn't keep up. Okay. And that's all
• 19:34
  I can come out and tell you. Okay. So now let
• 19:38
  me just one second, just bring this back to your
• 19:40
  spouse just a little bit. How can asking the
• 19:43
  right questions improve communication between
• 19:47
  spouses? It's actually very simple. It's a great
• 19:50
  question, but it's very simple. And it comes
• 19:53
  back to the same thing we were just talking about.
• 19:55
  So if you ask your spouse about how they feel.
• 20:00
  about a particular decision, or you ask them
• 20:03
  how they feel about the way that you treated
• 20:06
  them at a party, or you ask them how they feel
• 20:09
  about your communication with them, it gives
• 20:14
  them an opportunity to share with you how they're
• 20:16
  feeling and they feel validated, okay? They feel
• 20:20
  like they're more of a part of that relationship
• 20:22
  than they ever have been. I'll give you an example.
• 20:25
  Years ago, I was teaching a class on the DISC,
• 20:30
  which is basically behavioral assessment, behavioral
• 20:33
  traits, right? And I've been teaching it now
• 20:35
  for 33 years. But it was about 30 years ago,
• 20:39
  and I'm standing up in front of a group of people.
• 20:41
  And as I'm standing up there talking, and I'm
• 20:43
  teaching it, my mind went to, I've never had
• 20:47
  this conversation with my wife. So I went home
• 20:50
  and I sat with my wife that night and I said,
• 20:52
  listen, do you mind if I ask you a question?
• 20:54
  She said, sure. I said, what do you think your
• 20:56
  behavioral style is? She goes, I have no idea.
• 20:58
  I said, would it surprise you to know that you're
• 21:01
  an SC? S is stable. They don't like change. They're
• 21:06
  real steady. Okay. A C is conforming. They follow
• 21:10
  every rule. Okay. I'm a D. I am 1000 % a D. In
• 21:15
  fact, they sent out a search party 30 years ago
• 21:17
  for the other three. behavioral styles and they
• 21:19
  still haven't come back it's not good right it's
• 21:22
  i'm all d man usually people are a mixture of
• 21:25
  those things not me i am that's it i am right
• 21:28
  and here's the thing so i shared with her i said
• 21:31
  listen there isn't a single thing in my life
• 21:34
  that doesn't change on a regular basis which
• 21:36
  is her greatest fear change and there's and i
• 21:39
  always want to bend and or break every rule i
• 21:41
  come across and all you want to do is follow
• 21:43
  them her favorite thing to say to me is you can't
• 21:46
  do it that way. And she wags her finger when
• 21:48
  she says it. Okay. And I said that just, and
• 21:50
  she goes, what does all that mean? I said, all
• 21:52
  that means is that you're perfect for me. And
• 21:55
  she started crying. Okay. Now I asked her, why
• 21:59
  are you crying? She said, because I didn't understand
• 22:01
  until right now, how much you actually get me,
• 22:05
  how much you appreciate me. That works. I can't
• 22:14
  say anything about that. Okay, so let's switch
• 22:19
  a little bit and say, how do you use questions
• 22:22
  to build meaningful connections at networking
• 22:27
  events? Great question. So what I do is I try
• 22:32
  to find something about that person that's interesting,
• 22:35
  okay? And it might be their shirt. It might be
• 22:40
  the way that they cut their hair. It might be
• 22:42
  a piece of jewelry. It could be anything. I'm
• 22:48
  one of those people that, and I don't know if
• 22:49
  you know this, but there are a lot of people
• 22:51
  that think that if you notice a woman's shoes,
• 22:53
  you must be not necessarily a man or manly or
• 22:58
  whatever. That's not necessarily the case. If
• 23:01
  they've got a particularly attractive pair of
• 23:04
  shoes on, I'm going to say something. Okay. I
• 23:07
  oftentimes will say something about their nails
• 23:09
  and it'll be something along the lines of my
• 23:12
  daughter had her nails done. She's 24 and she's
• 23:15
  all that in a bag of chips. Right. She had her
• 23:18
  nails done and they're similar in color to what
• 23:20
  you had done. Right. And I just think they're
• 23:22
  gorgeous. They just, they just really pop. Right.
• 23:25
  That kind of thing. Right. And so I'll get into
• 23:27
  a conversation with them about. Or I'll get into
• 23:31
  a conversation with them about something they
• 23:33
  said at the networking event or they were whatever,
• 23:35
  right? And we'll get into a conversation and
• 23:38
  we'll start talking about what they do, where
• 23:40
  they work, why they work there, how happy they
• 23:43
  are, that kind of thing. And then at some point
• 23:45
  I'll say, so when you're not working, what do
• 23:47
  you do for fun? Okay. Now, a lot of people think.
• 23:52
  If you ask that, you're like coming onto them
• 23:54
  or something. And that's not the case. You're
• 23:57
  just getting to know them outside of business,
• 23:59
  okay? And one of the ways that you're going to
• 24:02
  get to know somebody in a deeper way, in a more
• 24:06
  meaningful way, is to get away from the necessary
• 24:09
  business stuff and start talking about the stuff
• 24:13
  that they want to talk about, which is their
• 24:15
  kids, their spouse, their house, their vacations,
• 24:19
  whatever. And sports, what are they into? What
• 24:22
  are they, that kind of thing. And so we'll get
• 24:24
  into conversations about that, but I'll ask them
• 24:26
  about them. Easy way to remember something like
• 24:30
  that. Cause I use all of that you're saying,
• 24:32
  which is probably no surprise to you, but I use
• 24:35
  it, but I have something that I use called form
• 24:39
  F O R M family, occupation, recreation. and a
• 24:44
  message. Everything you just said, you can sum
• 24:47
  up into that word and you can draw from it whenever
• 24:50
  you can. And I too, when I'm speaking to a woman,
• 24:56
  a girl or something, I'll notice her nails. I'll
• 24:58
  say my wife does it exactly the same way, or
• 25:01
  she chooses the same color. So you're letting
• 25:04
  them know that, hey, you're not interested in
• 25:06
  that way, but you're actually talking about.
• 25:10
  their shoes, their nails or something else. And
• 25:12
  you just talk to conversation. That's a very
• 25:15
  good way of doing it. What question do you recommend
• 25:19
  professionals ask their mentors or supervisors?
• 25:22
  You touched on this before, but with the pad
• 25:27
  and the pen and he, the CEO was actually genuinely
• 25:30
  interested, but. Give me a question or something
• 25:37
  that you can ask a mentor or ask your supervisor
• 25:40
  that will help you. How can I add value to you?
• 25:45
  Perfect. What can I do right now that I haven't
• 25:49
  been doing where I can add value to you? Because
• 25:53
  people respond to it, okay? Leaders respond to
• 25:57
  the people that are working for them. being enthusiastic
• 26:02
  about helping. Mentors. So one of the things
• 26:06
  that I think is a real misnomer for people and
• 26:08
  where they miss the mark a lot of times with
• 26:10
  mentors is mentors want to give back. So this
• 26:14
  lady I was telling you about that was at the
• 26:16
  screening on Saturday, and I told you I was channeling
• 26:19
  you, okay? One of the things that I mentioned
• 26:22
  to her was, or one of the things she said to
• 26:24
  me was, she said, I'm working on an SBA loan.
• 26:26
  And I said, great. What's your business plan
• 26:27
  look like? And she goes, I don't have one. And
• 26:29
  I said, do you know you have to have one for
• 26:30
  an SBA loan? And she said, no. And I said, here's
• 26:33
  what I would suggest. Go talk to the Service
• 26:35
  Corps of Retired Executives. And she said, the
• 26:37
  what? I said, the Service Corps of Retired Executives.
• 26:40
  Score, right? And I looked it up and I sent her
• 26:42
  the link. I'm not joking. Right there, standing
• 26:44
  there, right there. And the idea behind it is
• 26:47
  these retired executives want to help you. They're
• 26:51
  part of this. They volunteer for this in order
• 26:53
  to give back, okay? The thing that sets you apart
• 26:58
  from other people that are out there, there are
• 26:59
  a lot of people out there that will approach
• 27:01
  a mentor and say, hey, can I take you to lunch?
• 27:03
  Hey, can I pick your brain? Do you have any idea
• 27:06
  how many people come to me and ask me if they
• 27:08
  can pick my brain? And do you know what my response
• 27:10
  is? Absolutely. It's slim pickings. It won't
• 27:15
  take very long. Okay. I have three brain cells
• 27:20
  left and you're welcome to them. Okay. But if
• 27:22
  you walk up to somebody and you say, I want to
• 27:24
  pick your brain, what does that say? It just
• 27:27
  says, I want to take whatever's left of you and
• 27:29
  I want you to give it to me. Okay. Don't do it
• 27:33
  that way. Walk up to a mentor and go, what can
• 27:36
  I do to help you right now? What can I do? Because
• 27:39
  I want you to mentor me, but I don't want this
• 27:42
  to be a one -way street. I want to be able to
• 27:46
  help you. Is there anything you can think of
• 27:48
  that I can do? Can I raise money for your foundation?
• 27:51
  Can I help your kids? Can I help your kids' school?
• 27:54
  What can I do to give back? Now, by the way,
• 27:59
  just so you know, be prepared that the answer
• 28:01
  may be nothing, but the fact that you asked...
• 28:04
  The fact that you asked and you offered, that
• 28:06
  will go miles with these people because they
• 28:10
  deal with people all the time that are like,
• 28:11
  what can I get from you? What can I get from
• 28:13
  you? What can I get from you? What? Why would
• 28:16
  you start a relationship out like that? That's
• 28:21
  probably the best suggestion or the best thing
• 28:25
  to ask. It's probably the best piece of advice
• 28:28
  I can give to my listeners right now. Just what
• 28:32
  you just said, because that gives both sides
• 28:36
  of the equation. It gives you something to offer
• 28:39
  as well as take it. So listen, you always think
• 28:43
  to give and not receive. Okay. So if you were
• 28:47
  the mentor, you're always looking to give. But
• 28:50
  if somebody came to me and asked me that question,
• 28:54
  my whole feeling would change on the whole thing.
• 28:59
  So that was the best piece of advice. that I
• 29:01
  can think that you can give. Okay. Can you share
• 29:06
  an example of how a well -crafted question helped
• 29:10
  you overcome a challenge? Wow. Absolutely. Absolutely.
• 29:17
  So three months ago, a very good friend of ours
• 29:24
  passed away. He was six years younger than me.
• 29:29
  It was a sudden, he died at home by himself,
• 29:33
  heart attack. And he was somebody, I'm not joking,
• 29:36
  Michael, if you had met him, you'd have thought,
• 29:38
  this guy will live to be 150, easy, okay? At
• 29:42
  52, he passed away. And his 14 -year -old son
• 29:48
  just lost his way. He was already headed down
• 29:54
  a road that was not a good one. And when his
• 29:57
  dad passed away, catapulted into the absolute
• 30:01
  wrong way. And I'm good friends with his godfather.
• 30:07
  His godfather was the one that introduced me
• 30:09
  to his dad. And so we were all, the three of
• 30:12
  us were friends and our friends. And I'm sitting
• 30:15
  with his godfather and he's telling me about
• 30:19
  the kid and they put the kid in a military academy
• 30:21
  and all this kind of stuff. And the kid's 14.
• 30:25
  And so I asked him, I said, so what's your conversation
• 30:29
  like with him? What's your, what are you, right?
• 30:32
  And he said, he doesn't want to talk to me. The
• 30:34
  last time I saw him, he called the police on
• 30:35
  me and all this kind of thing. And it was really
• 30:37
  bad. And I said, okay. I said, you've got to
• 30:40
  go sit with him and you've got to go have a conversation.
• 30:43
  And the conversation needs to be, talk to me,
• 30:46
  tell me how you're feeling. Tell me what's going
• 30:47
  on. Tell me what's wrong. talk to me, share with
• 30:50
  me how you're feeling, share with me what's going
• 30:52
  on because it's all bottled up inside of him.
• 30:54
  And I said, and it's festering and it's getting
• 30:56
  worse. It's just awful. And so he went and he
• 30:59
  met with him three times. I gave him sample questions,
• 31:01
  the whole thing, and he couldn't get anywhere
• 31:03
  with the kid. In fact, he felt like he went backwards.
• 31:05
  So he called me up and he said, listen, it's
• 31:07
  desperation time. I think I'm losing him. He
• 31:10
  said, I feel like you're the only person on the
• 31:13
  planet that can reach this kid. Will you come
• 31:16
  have dinner with us? We're going to take him
• 31:18
  to dinner Saturday night. Will you come have
• 31:20
  dinner with us and see if you can reach him?
• 31:23
  So I sat down with him and I said, let me ask
• 31:26
  you, let me ask you a question. Are you happy
• 31:29
  right now? He's no. So, okay. What would be,
• 31:34
  where would you have to be happy? Because I know
• 31:37
  he doesn't like the military academy. He's in,
• 31:39
  he hates it. And I said, so where would you need
• 31:41
  to, because this high school, this high school
• 31:42
  is okay. How do you get there from here? How
• 31:45
  do we put a plan together to get you from here,
• 31:47
  from where you are now, to where you're happy?
• 31:51
  And he said, stop. And he turns to his godparents
• 31:54
  and he turns to his mother and he goes, what
• 31:56
  is this? Why am I here? Who is this? What is
• 32:00
  this? Why is he asking me all these questions?
• 32:02
  Okay. Defense mechanism. The wall went up. Okay.
• 32:06
  I said, listen to me. I knew your dad. I was
• 32:10
  fond of your dad. You don't remember this, but
• 32:12
  you and I spent Easter together a couple of years
• 32:15
  ago, okay? I was fond of your father. And I know
• 32:19
  that if your father was here, he would want you
• 32:21
  to be happy. I'm here because of your dad. And
• 32:26
  I'm here to try to help you. So if you'll work
• 32:29
  with me, we'll put a plan together, you and I
• 32:32
  together, okay? Just you and I. I'll never judge
• 32:35
  you. No matter what you say, I'm not going to
• 32:37
  judge you, okay? And we're going to, if you're
• 32:40
  okay with it, we'll put a plan together. You
• 32:41
  just have to work with me. Right. And so we kept
• 32:44
  talking. We ended up exchanging phone numbers.
• 32:46
  We're now working together. He's now behaving.
• 32:49
  He's doing what he's supposed to be doing. He
• 32:51
  went off to spring break last week with his mother
• 32:54
  and his brother. And he was a good kid. He was
• 32:56
  the kid that she knew before. Okay. He didn't
• 32:59
  call anybody. He didn't call police. He didn't
• 33:01
  do any of that stuff. Didn't lie. Didn't get
• 33:04
  upset. He's really behaving correctly. He's starting
• 33:08
  to understand all this. And all of it's coming
• 33:10
  from questions. All of it's coming from, how
• 33:13
  are you grieving for your dad? What was your
• 33:16
  relationship like with your dad when you were
• 33:18
  growing up? And here's the thing, Michael, nobody
• 33:21
  ever asked that kid any questions. That's why
• 33:24
  when I got into the third question with him,
• 33:26
  he stopped and turned to everybody and went,
• 33:28
  what is this? Like he's being ambushed or something,
• 33:30
  okay? Everybody just ordered him around. He told
• 33:34
  me that his childhood with his dad was like living
• 33:37
  with a drill instructor. His dad was a Marine.
• 33:40
  Once a Marine, always a Marine, right? You mentioned
• 33:44
  it earlier when you said there are bosses and
• 33:46
  there are leaders. Bosses order people around
• 33:50
  and they expect them and require that they just
• 33:52
  do what they were told. Leaders go in and sit
• 33:55
  with somebody and say, listen, we are here and
• 33:58
  we need to be here, right? How do we get from
• 34:02
  here to here? You're our expert. You're the person
• 34:05
  on the firing line every day. You're the one
• 34:07
  making us successful. How do we get here? Great.
• 34:10
  How do you? factor into this? What can you do
• 34:13
  to help us get there? Are we being unrealistic,
• 34:16
  right? Okay. And what happens is they get engaged.
• 34:21
  They feel like they're part of the process. They
• 34:24
  feel like they're, and it's, they feel like it's
• 34:26
  part of their decision, right? Because it's,
• 34:29
  they're owning it. Okay. This kid is putting
• 34:32
  a plan together to put his family back together.
• 34:35
  And he asked me a very poignant question that
• 34:37
  a 14 year old would ask you, right? He's like,
• 34:39
  why do I have to put the plan together? I said,
• 34:42
  I could do it. I could put the plan together
• 34:44
  and hand it to you. But if I put it together
• 34:46
  and I hand it to you, who owns it? He goes, you
• 34:48
  do. I said, if you put it together and hand it
• 34:51
  to me, who owns it? He goes, I do. I go, who
• 34:53
  needs to own it? He goes, I do. All of a sudden,
• 34:55
  okay, you literally as a parent and as a friend,
• 35:00
  okay, you can pull so much out of these kids.
• 35:05
  If you just ask. teenagers love to do the Heisman.
• 35:09
  We call it the Heisman. They love to say, talk
• 35:10
  to the hand. The last thing in the world you
• 35:12
  can do, the worst thing in the world you can
• 35:14
  do as a parent is just throw up your hands and
• 35:17
  go whatever and walk out the door. Okay. You
• 35:20
  need to stand your ground. You need to care enough
• 35:24
  to ask. Okay. Period. And you're going to lose
• 35:28
  that kid. If you walk out that door because you
• 35:31
  just proved to them through your actions, not
• 35:33
  your words, through your actions, that you care
• 35:36
  more about yourself than you do about them. That's
• 35:38
  how you lose your kid. And by the way, there
• 35:41
  are people out there that will care more about
• 35:43
  your kid and the kid will find them. And typically
• 35:46
  they don't have their best interest at heart.
• 35:52
  That's more of an answer than you wanted. I get
• 35:54
  it, but. No, that's right. That's right. Which
• 35:56
  actually. You answered pretty much my next question
• 36:00
  all in one. Okay, to wrap things up, okay, what's
• 36:05
  one question my listeners should start asking
• 36:08
  today to enhance their networking skills? That's
• 36:13
  a great question. I would say is this, if you're
• 36:16
  going to a networking event, ask yourself this
• 36:20
  question, what do I want out of that event? And
• 36:25
  what am I willing to accept before I leave? What's
• 36:29
  my goal? And what's my minimum amount? Or in
• 36:34
  other words, if your goal is to meet eight people,
• 36:37
  then you need eight people and eight people's
• 36:40
  contact information before you leave tonight.
• 36:43
  Okay? But ask yourself that question. The other
• 36:46
  thing that you want to do, pardon me, the other
• 36:49
  thing you want to do is you want to ask the people
• 36:51
  that are in the networking event, What do you
• 36:55
  do for a living? And how can I help you? How
• 36:57
  can I help you succeed? Okay. It's all about,
• 37:01
  it's just like when we were talking about mentoring,
• 37:03
  right? Because what's going to happen is when
• 37:06
  you go to these networking events, you're going
• 37:07
  to meet people from all walks of life. You're
• 37:09
  going to meet people from different industries,
• 37:12
  right? And different life stories and different
• 37:14
  sets of, we call them frames of reference, right?
• 37:17
  They have life experiences that have helped them
• 37:20
  to look at the world the way they look at it
• 37:22
  now. They can teach you a lot. They can teach
• 37:26
  you a lot. You can help them in the process,
• 37:30
  right? Just figure out a way to ask them, what's
• 37:33
  your single biggest challenge right now? And
• 37:36
  how can I help you with it? It's great because,
• 37:41
  again, you've hit so many different things on
• 37:44
  that one answer. Because you, first of all, whenever
• 37:48
  you go to a networking event, you always look
• 37:50
  to give rather than receive. But the main question,
• 37:54
  the main thing that you would ask, that I would
• 37:57
  ask, if I was talking to you and we were sitting
• 38:00
  in a networking table, I would say, how can I
• 38:03
  make you more successful? How can I be a good
• 38:06
  referral source for you? And I say this and do
• 38:10
  this without you even knowing what I do. But
• 38:13
  I am there to give rather than receive. Mike,
• 38:18
  I have to tell you, I could go on for three hours
• 38:20
  talking to you, but I'm afraid we can't do that
• 38:24
  on this podcast. So if anybody wants to get hold
• 38:28
  of you, either A, talking about a book, coaching,
• 38:31
  mentoring, or just to say hi, how would they
• 38:34
  get hold of you? So it's really easy to get me
• 38:37
  on LinkedIn. My cell phone number and my email
• 38:40
  address are on LinkedIn. So when you hit the
• 38:42
  contact info for me, you don't just get a LinkedIn
• 38:45
  link. By the way, that's a recommendation for
• 38:48
  the people that are listening to this. If you're
• 38:50
  on LinkedIn and you want to do business, don't
• 38:53
  send people on a loop, okay? If you put your
• 38:57
  contact information where it says contact info
• 39:00
  instead of a link back to your profile, all they're
• 39:04
  doing is going back. Come on, man. So you can
• 39:08
  message me through there. Of course, you're welcome
• 39:10
  to send me an email. You're welcome to call me.
• 39:12
  Like I said, my cell phone number's on there.
• 39:15
  You can also reach me. You can just type in the
• 39:17
  Mike Litton experience in Google and there's
• 39:20
  all kinds of ways to get me. I'm at reo760 .com,
• 39:23
  the whole thing. Super easy to get ahold of.
• 39:26
  Mike, thanks a lot for coming on the podcast.
• 39:29
  And I really had a good time. I did too. Well,
• 39:33
  hold on, folks. Don't go anywhere. Let me just
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  -U -P -K -I -D -S dot org. Well, that's a wrap,
• 40:52
  folks. A huge thank you to our special guests
• 40:55
  for sharing such incredible insights today. And
• 40:58
  of course, a big shout out to you, our amazing
• 41:02
  listeners, for tuning in and spending your time
• 41:05
  with us. Remember, networking isn't about being
• 41:09
  perfect. It's about being present. So take what
• 41:12
  you've learned today, get out there and make
• 41:15
  some meaningful connections. If you enjoyed this
• 41:18
  episode. don't forget to subscribe, leave us
• 41:20
  a review, and share it with someone who could
• 41:23
  use a little networking inspiration. Let's keep
• 41:26
  the conversation going. You can find me on Apple,
• 41:30
  Spotify, YouTube, or my website, michaelaforman
• 41:35
  .com. Remember, until next time, keep practicing,
• 41:39
  keep connecting, and keep building those relationships.
• 41:42
  This is Michael A. Foreman signing off. Take
• 41:45
  care and happy networking.