Latest / The Delicious Culture with Jon Francois / Surviving Your Narcissist Ex Is Delicious w/ Kneet

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Surviving Your Narcissist Ex Is Delicious w/ Kneet · The Delicious Culture with Jon Francois

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My son constantly says, I love you mommy. I love
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you mommy. It's a trauma response because he's
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always looking for that validation. He's constantly
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doing something just to seek that little bit
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of the other parents showing him love or approval.
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So it's like he's always checking with me if
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I still love him. Hey delishies grab a plate
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and taste the delicious culture. I'm your host
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John Francois We are feasting on food pop culture
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and lifestyle with global independent recording
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artists neat who is joining me Is the is that
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your actual like place or is that like a background
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that you curated? I know this is a background
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Okay. I was going to say, cause yeah, it has
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like a fancy sort of New York city apartment,
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brick wall background. And that's the vibe we
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going with today. Right. And you have a screen
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to your left that says Riverside. Are you like
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a sponsor of Riverside? No, I think because I'm
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using their background. Oh, okay. I didn't even
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know that Riverside offered backgrounds. So for
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our audience, Riverside is the software, the
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website that we use to record and edit episodes
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of The Delicious Culture. Wow. Okay. So many
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things that Riverside offers and I didn't even
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know one of them was doing Zoom -like backgrounds.
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That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. So, so is that the
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background that you use for all your podcast
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interviews or do you use like different backgrounds?
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You know, I think this is the first time I've
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used this background. If I remember correctly,
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I have used like maybe two different three, but
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two, two or three different ones. Yeah. Yeah,
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yeah, yeah forever Our audience you guys need
1:42
to watch on Spotify and YouTube because it's
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it's very nice. I see like a bookcase I see a
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fancy light a fancy couch chairs Yeah, like I
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really get the feeling that you are making a
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million dollars a year in New York City right
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now Thank you be manifesting Yes. And you are
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based in New York, by the way. Are you, um, where
2:01
are you in Manhattan or one of the other boroughs?
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Yes. I'm in the city at the moment. Okay. Wonderful.
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Um, so, uh, I, I Uber and Lyft drive in, in Burlington,
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Vermont. And that is great because it gives me
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the opportunity to listen to wonderful music
2:15
like yours. I had the chance to listen to your
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three singles that you had on Spotify to the
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moon. my man and rise Um, I loved it to the moon.
2:46
That's probably my favorite of the three because
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it has like a very chill soulful beats driven
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R and B vibe kind of like the vibe where, uh,
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you could like, you know, have the windows down
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on a summer night and just drive really slowly
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on an empty highway. That kind of vibe. Um, And
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then, uh, my man, I was getting like, uh, a sort
3:07
of Indian Asian vibe to it. It was kind of reminding
3:10
me of like that hip hop and R and B trend from
3:13
the two thousands. Yeah. My Punjabi roots. Yeah.
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Yeah. Like I was just thinking of like a Shanti
3:20
Christina Millian when they, when they had these
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sort of like Asian Kung -Fu sound effects to
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their music. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
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Okay. So, um, Discuss the story if you can of
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those. three songs. And why is Rise your favorite?
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Because I remember you told me that Rise was
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the favorite song you wanted to mention on the
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show. The reason Rise is like I say is my favorite
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is because that Rise brought me, you know, back
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to really who I was, you know, like, because
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I went through I did music when I was younger
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before I came to New York. But, you know, I came
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from a very tight knit society. So I was already
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rebelling against that. since then trying to
4:01
fight for women's voices because in our Indian
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society, we weren't really allowed to express
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ourselves like that, you know, like in the Western
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culture. So, but when I came here, my whole life
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changed and I, my identity was erased, you know,
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and I just forgot myself. So obviously music
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was also gone with that. So, rise came when I...
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was at the point of reclaiming myself when I
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was healing. And, you know, the video is like,
4:32
is the final piece of the puzzle because I got
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to go back to the actual place where this whole
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thing started. And so that was like, you know,
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really empowering for me. And that's why it became
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like a, it gave me a platform to even speak about
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stuff like this, you know, coercive control and
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court reform for family court. So yeah, Rise
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has a lot. behind it and it's a new beginning
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for me probably that's why it's my favorite.
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Yeah, talk more about that because I believe
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you run an organization called Protect Children
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New York. Can you talk more about how you started
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that and why it resonates with you? Yeah. Well,
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you know, like I was saying, when I came here,
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America to us over there was like the land of
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the free, right? Home of the brave, right? So
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I'm like, OK, if I come to America, you know,
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I'll be free. I have a voice and all that. But
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then I was in a domestic violence situation.
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coercive control, years of that. And so, you
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know, naturally I would think, oh, the court's
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going to be, you know, justified. You watch,
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you know, Olivia Benson, you know, law and order
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growing up. So you're like, oh yes, you know,
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the court's going to help me and my child. Then
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you go into the court system and the total opposite
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happens. And then coming from like a different...
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different culture, different world, like they
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don't even take that into consideration, which
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is really horrifying because, you know, like
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the way you express yourself here and the way
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we express ourselves back home is not the same,
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you know, so it might come out different. So
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anyway, I've seen a lot of injustice, a lot of
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biases and stuff in court. So through that process,
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I see my child. deteriorating, getting hurt,
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you know. So it drifted from me being like the
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one that's, oh, like the victim or whatever,
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to watching my own child suffer. So then I started
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digging into this because I thought my story
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was unique. I was making excuses for them. I
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was like, oh, maybe because they don't understand
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it, you know, maybe it's so complicated. But
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then when I started digging, I came to find out
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that this was happening all over. I mean, there's
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a whole thing about parental alienation, narcissistic
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abuse, all this stuff that I didn't have the
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vocabulary for, but was apparently happening
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to me over the years. And now that I understand
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it, then with my education at the same time,
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I put it into perspective now, but it doesn't
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ease the pain of watching your child go through
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it. So I said, what is it that I could do about
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it? Then I started with Rise because that's where
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I had put down my pain. I felt like I wasn't
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being heard. So I was like, how could that be
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heard? So I went back to my music. Then I came
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up with Protect Children New York because I figured
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the problem is in the system itself. educated
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they're not aware they have these ACS child protective
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service workers that are not trauma informed
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you know so how are they assessing the situation
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if they don't see a bruise they don't see a cut
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they say nothing is happening what happened to
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the mental abuse and the psychological traumas
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you know and by the time these children understand
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what's happening to them Their whole childhood
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is gone because like let's say in New York, for
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example, children can choose at about 12 years
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old, right? Whether they go with it or not, but
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their whole childhood is gone. There's no going
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back to reverse that. You know, the time, the
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bonding time between the safe parent and the
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child is also gone. And all of this has really
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become like who plays the better chess game in
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court rather than what's the best interest of
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the child. Can I ask how old your child is and
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how they feel about their story being portrayed
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in your music? He is too young to understand
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everything. You know, he's nine years old. So
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I don't give him like adult issues, right? We
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try to keep them away. As it is, he's already
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going through a lot of trauma on the other side.
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So I have to be extra, extra soft, extra cushiony.
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You know, it's very, very sad to see it. You
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know, like today itself, my makeup artist, even
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she noticed it because she said my son constantly
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says, I love you, mommy. I love you, mommy. And
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she thought it was sweet. Right. But it's a trauma
8:55
response because he's always looking for that
8:58
validation because over there he has to do something
9:01
for love. Love is not unconditional over there.
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He's constantly doing something just to seek
9:06
that little bit of, you know, the other parents
9:09
showing him love or approval. So it's like, he's
9:11
always checking with me if I still love him,
9:13
you know? Yeah, it's very sad. Like, she was,
9:17
her whole face changed. She's like, I see it
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now. You know? She's like, the boy's so happy
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because, you know, then, you know... when he's
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on the phone with the father, she saw that and
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she was like, my child changed completely into
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a whole different child. He couldn't speak properly
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and this is an outsider seeing it. And she was
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like, wow. And I'm like, well, you see it, but
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apparently the court don't see it, the ACS doesn't
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see it. It's hard as somebody trying to protect
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their child because you know that they're going
9:49
back into the fire, right? Every time they go
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back there. He throwing them back to the wolves
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basically, but what can you do? So as tied this
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petition, we've got 85 signatures. If we can
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make some noise, maybe we can, you know, bring
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this awareness to the court. Like it's just ridiculous.
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The amount of people that have lost contact with
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their children completely. I'm talking about
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worse than my situation. Wow. How about the partner
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that caused this domestic abuse? Are they aware
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of the role that they play in your music and
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organization and what is their reaction to all
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this? Because I would imagine that maybe they
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would have the very toxic and mature response
10:33
and try to, you know, take some legal action
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on, you know, the grounds of maybe they're claiming
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that you're like, misrepresenting them when you're
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probably not like you're you know, it seems like
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you're telling a very Painful truthful story
10:49
here. So what is their reaction to all this?
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I wonder and as you're creatively expressing
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this story Well, it's kind of hard to tell because
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we're not in contact like that You know, yeah,
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so I'm not really aware personally of what the
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reaction is, but I know One thing like about
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narcissistic people, you know They only care
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about their narrative as long as like, you know,
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his narrative in court is carried on Because
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right now no matter what it is, right when he
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goes to court They still look at him like oh
11:21
my god one way because I think they had this
11:23
whole thing about like, you know Like, oh, he's
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like a single dad. He portrayed himself to be
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like he's a single dad, you know, like the victim
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playing victim, you know. So the courts went
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with that narrative, but he did all that while
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I wasn't even aware of it. Like I wasn't even
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in court when he went and did all that. I'm a
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foreigner, right? So he's from here. So this
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whole thing was a big setup from the beginning.
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You know, it's a long story. Yeah. Yeah. I'm
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also thinking about. Like, you know, you work
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in the music industry, you try to move up the
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ladder, and it's an industry where there's a
12:02
lot of songs about love, romance, sex, what have
12:06
you, all these industry connections. You might
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meet somebody that's interested in you or interested
12:12
in them. And I wonder based on your very unfortunate
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situation with this ex partner, is there. hesitation
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to dive into another love? Are you currently
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in another love? I have no idea. What's that
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like, if I may ask? Yeah, of course. You know,
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I won't say that I haven't tried. You know, it's
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very difficult. Maybe I should start with that.
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It's very difficult because you carry the trauma
12:40
with you. So, and for me personally, I don't
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think I have 100 % healed or even like getting
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real close to it like that because To heal, you
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have to be away from the abuser to begin with,
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right? Having to deal with them is just re -traumatizing.
12:55
How does the scar heal if you're poking at it
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every single day, you know? So I don't think
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I'm... I want to get there one day. I don't know
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if I'm mentally ready yet. You know, I have tried
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and failed. Because because of this reason so
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I'm not gonna rush myself into it if it comes
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You know, so thing is that person has to be so
13:20
understanding on my situation, right? Because
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there's gonna be like it's gonna take time for
13:25
me to heal There's gonna be trauma responses
13:27
and stuff. Like I still get You know, like sometimes
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I don't like loud noises, you know, like when
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somebody yells, like there's still stuff like
13:37
that. It's so weird because like when the app
13:40
dings on the phone, like whether it's a different
13:43
app that sounds the same, I have physical responses,
13:46
like heart racing and, you know, and you know
13:49
that you're not healed, you know, because you
13:52
have to do it constantly. Yeah, and I would imagine
13:55
with the child, first and foremost, you're thinking
13:59
of like, oh, if I let this new person into my
14:02
life, are they going to cause harm not only to
14:04
me, but to my child? Will that be another source
14:07
of trauma for them as they grow up? So, yeah,
14:10
I mean, that's all the hesitation that you're
14:13
feeling is completely valid and absolutely take
14:16
your time. I'm even shocked that you're open
14:18
-minded to it because I think if I was in your
14:21
position and being, you know, domestically abused,
14:24
I probably would close myself off from finding
14:26
love again, because that's just, that just seems
14:29
like a really, really painful thing to go through
14:33
and, and something that seems hard to recover
14:37
from or move on from, if you will. So, um, yeah.
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But you see, it's no longer about me, right?
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Also, I have to build a life for my son. Right.
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So it's not like another thing is like a role
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model. Because of the situation, he's never seen
14:54
a normal relationship. He's never seen a normal
14:56
family. And my family's back home in Thailand.
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So he's not even able to be around cousins. And
15:02
you know, we're Indians. We have huge families.
15:04
I mean, he got family for days waiting for him
15:07
back home. But having somebody in my life has
15:11
to be the person that's going to be the role
15:13
model that shows my son what a family looks like.
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What does it look like for a man to respect his
15:20
wife? What does it look like for a father? figure
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to, um, to love the child unconditionally. That
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love is not earned. You know, like my child feels
15:31
like he's constantly on his tippy toes. He punishes
15:34
himself, you know, like he will just go walk
15:37
into the corner and stand there for no reason.
15:40
And then I'm like, what happened? He's like,
15:41
you're not mad at me. I'm like, why? It's heartbreaking.
15:47
It is. heartbreaking and it's these little signs
15:50
like I said because of the it's the mental abuse
15:52
that you can't see on the physical right you
15:55
know but in my case like my son there's some
15:58
physical stuff too but also nobody addresses
16:00
it you know it's very sad you know and I'm like
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yeah go ahead no no it's okay it's okay I'm sorry
16:06
to interrupt it just makes me very sad to hear
16:10
that because no kid should have to go through
16:12
what he is going through. Um, yeah, no, I mean,
16:16
just the amount I can, I can clearly see like
16:22
how the type of abuse that he's been. given or
16:26
has received can lead to thinking, oh crap, like
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everything, every move I'm making, every whatever
16:35
is a wrong decision. I'm letting people down.
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I'm letting my mom down. I'm letting my mom or
16:40
my dad mad at me. Like to live in that constant
16:43
state of like having to feel responsible for
16:46
other people's feelings or how they react to
16:49
things. It's like, that's not a way a child should
16:51
live. And I just feel so sad for your son. Yeah,
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exactly. It's just horrifying to witness it.
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I have no words and that's why I find other outlets
17:03
and I hope that this will help bring some awareness,
17:07
some change. Have you encouraged your son to
17:14
kind of follow in your footsteps and express
17:17
himself creatively, maybe writing, journaling
17:20
his thoughts and feelings? Like, but I'm curious
17:24
as to... who your son is in terms of how they
17:28
like to express themselves. What passions do
17:30
they have and such? Well, when he's around, it's
17:33
very different. It's almost like he lives a double
17:35
life. Because when he's over here, I grew up
17:38
very active. So my son is always doing sports,
17:42
tutoring, you name it, coding, music. But when
17:46
he's over there, he doesn't do much. So he gets
17:50
attached to the games nowadays like kids do.
17:53
You know so he finds almost like peace in that
17:57
so when he comes over I have to slowly Transition
18:00
him first then he gets back into himself, and
18:02
then you know he gets into his activities But
18:04
see I'm different from even my parents because
18:07
my parents we didn't really have a choice You
18:10
know my parents would tell us you got to become
18:11
a doctor you have become engineer You got to
18:13
go to school you got to study this you can't
18:15
do this me with my son I'm like do try everything
18:19
and you tell me what you like You know, and I'm
18:22
not going to force you to do whatever you don't
18:23
want. Like I said, do all the sports. You just
18:26
tell mommy what you like and continue that. Yeah.
18:29
Try all the instruments and tell me which one
18:31
you like. Yeah. Well, what sports does he. playing
18:34
and liking. Oh, he loves tennis. He loves swimming,
18:38
soccer, taekwondo. Yeah, we go to the U .S. Open.
18:42
We've gone there for the last two years now.
18:45
Wow. Yeah. And what have you seen through your
18:50
son's eyes as he's watching the U .S. Open? Is
18:52
he feeling like, oh, my God, this is so awesome.
18:55
And maybe I can aspire to be a professional tennis
18:57
player someday. Is that kind of the feeling that?
19:00
Oh, yes. He I mean, he loves it with a passion.
19:03
Definitely, but then you see like yeah But that's
19:06
also that like the sad side to it because the
19:09
person who is like, you know, like with the narcissistic
19:11
personality They will dim that they will dim
19:15
the child's light immediately Like if the child
19:18
says he enjoyed tennis he had fun. The response
19:21
would be oh tennis is for girls like who does
19:24
that or you know, like like that's really a worse
19:28
thing to do and That coming from a father to
19:31
his son is really heartbreaking. It's devastating,
19:34
you know, like, yeah. So that's the downside
19:38
to it. He enjoys extremely and goes back and
19:40
get bashed for it. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck that guy.
19:47
And I apologize. I don't know how you are. We
19:51
all feel in it over here. Yeah. It just, you
19:54
know, hearing about this man, he makes me very
19:57
angry. Because I, I mean, I can't help but remember
20:03
what I was like when I was your son's age and
20:07
feeling very bright -eyed and bushy -tailed about
20:09
the world and aspiring to be so many things,
20:12
a presidential historian, an actor, etc. And
20:16
I can't imagine what it would be like if I had
20:20
a parent tell me, no, like, this is not what
20:23
you should be doing. It's for girls. Don't aspire
20:26
to that. Like, it's... A child should not be
20:30
hearing that from their parents. They should
20:33
be feeling like - Encouraged. Exactly. They should
20:36
be encouraged. They should be feeling like nothing
20:38
is impossible. They can do anything if they work
20:40
hard and set their mind to it. Wow. Yeah, but
20:44
luckily, I just want to insert this in real quick
20:47
if you don't mind. Luckily, my son has my dad.
20:51
My dad is not here. But they're very close. Oh,
20:54
you know, the WhatsApp, right? So they're very,
20:57
very close. So that's like really like probably
20:59
the saving thread in this whole thing, because
21:03
he's my dad's champion. That's, you know, his
21:06
word. My dad is like on the moon with this boy
21:09
because like he my dad is like that he's encouraging,
21:12
you know, that type of father, you know. So I
21:16
feel like at least that helps level my son out
21:19
a little bit. So your son's granddad is basically
21:21
being the dad that his actual dad is not being.
21:25
From halfway across the world, yes. Stereotypically,
21:30
like, the dad of the woman, so to speak, if there
21:35
is an abusive husband at play, I would imagine
21:39
he might want to go apeshit on said husband or
21:42
partner. How has your dad reacted to this abusive
21:46
partner in any way? Verbally, physically? Like,
21:49
what's that been like, if I may ask? Nothing
21:52
directly to the person. I mean, like, what this
21:55
person has done, we can't even... comprehend,
21:58
there's no even words for us to. My dad is just,
22:03
he will speak to me about it, but they don't
22:05
speak to each other. Like for example, my dad
22:08
did come when my son was six months old. And
22:11
at that time I was still in the coercive control,
22:13
but the guy treated my dad so badly, you know,
22:18
would not let my dad hold the child, would walk
22:21
after him, talk to him down racially charged
22:24
messages. And. You know, so because of that,
22:29
they've never communicated or anything like that.
22:31
Obviously my dad feels angry, you know, of what
22:34
this guy's done. But like I said, the, the veracity,
22:38
the, the depth of what he's done, it's, it's
22:42
beyond. What I could have comprehended as a human
22:47
being, I think that's why it took me so long.
22:50
Like, I was just, like, gone. I was like, ooh.
22:52
I, till today, can't understand how somebody
22:54
does this. So I think my dad, we're just not
22:57
that type of people. So we're just trying to
23:00
mend what has been broken, not by us, but put
23:03
our lives back together and move on. And we're
23:05
Sikhs. You know, we're humble, peaceful people.
23:09
We only pick up our swords for justice. Which
23:12
is exactly what I'm doing now. That's great.
23:15
Um, is your ex partner white? What's his race?
23:20
Oh, he's African American. Oh, okay. Yes. He's
23:24
from here, you know, so like I said, he knowledgeable
23:27
of what he was doing in the beginning. Yeah.
23:31
Wow. Are you still doing your master's degree
23:33
in developmental psychology? I graduated in May.
23:36
Oh, congratulations. Yay. Thank you. Can you
23:39
tell me about that education and how it maybe
23:45
has helped with your unfortunate situation with
23:48
the ex -partner and your son? Yes, it is bittersweet
23:53
because, you know, obviously the good side is
23:56
I get to learn in real time what is happening
23:58
because then at least from my perspective, I
24:02
feel like if I learn and I understand, maybe
24:04
I can help my son. You know, like because some
24:09
things you cannot fix anymore like he's past
24:11
seven years old You know, so it's even more hurtful
24:15
now But then the like the yeah, the bitter side
24:18
is that I have to watch him deteriorate in front
24:20
of my eyes I have to watch what's happening like
24:24
Textbook stuff even and nobody's listening. That's
24:28
the bad side The good side is just that I become
24:30
knowledgeable and I use this knowledge Maybe
24:32
to help other people and continue to fight for
24:35
my son. So the song rise that you mentioned It
24:40
looks like it has been received Well, you had
24:43
mentioned that it shot up to number one on the
24:46
Apple music video charts You mentioned there
24:49
were billboards in Times Square in New York City
24:52
What was your reaction to that positive reception?
24:57
Was there maybe mixed feelings? Because it's
25:00
like, oh, wow, this is a great personal accomplishment
25:03
for you. But at the same time, maybe it's a reminder
25:07
of the pain of this story. How did you react
25:11
to the song being positively received? For me,
25:14
it was more like, wow, now I have a platform
25:17
to speak about this. I feel like God made me
25:20
go through all of that stuff so that I'm able
25:23
to fight for this cause. You really have to go
25:26
through something to understand it. And maybe
25:30
God gave me this voice to use for this cause.
25:34
So I feel like... When, when, of course, when
25:37
I received the good news, I was super excited,
25:40
but it was definitely not an excitement. Like,
25:43
yes, I've made it or, you know, like blah, blah,
25:45
blah. It was more like, wow, you know, my voice
25:48
is going to be heard, you know, now, like, cause
25:50
there's so many people going through this that
25:52
might not have the platform, might not have the
25:55
strength or the finances or the knowledge or
25:57
anything, you know, and if I could at least use
26:00
this, use my voice, my God given voice, you know,
26:04
as for good. You know, there's so much bad in
26:08
this world. I mean, we don't need any more negative
26:10
stuff. Like if any, like each person can do good,
26:14
I think it will still be good. So if I could
26:17
do anything, if my voice is used for the greater
26:20
good, I would love that. You know, I would want
26:23
that. Yeah. Um, you, you, you mentioned the,
26:27
the, the talent that God gave you. I, so that,
26:30
that I assume you're religious. Are you Christian
26:32
or? I'm Sikh. Sikh. What is that? I've never
26:35
heard of that. Oh, really? Um, yeah, Sikh. I'm
26:38
Punjabi. I'm Sikh. So yeah. How do you spell
26:42
that word? S -I -K -H. Okay. So can you describe
26:47
that for me? What is that? What is that religion?
26:49
Yeah. So actually it's a fairly new religion.
26:52
You know, we're humble people. We are open to
26:54
everybody. You know, our religion came about
26:57
from protecting people. really at that time like
27:00
there was like a lot of religious wars going
27:02
on and you know our gurus came about to protect
27:06
people and stuff like that because there was
27:08
a lot of like forced conversion going on back
27:11
then so when our religion came about it was about
27:14
you know everybody about equality and humbleness
27:17
and we practice that till today like For example,
27:20
there's a protest going on in India right now
27:23
where the students are protesting against the
27:25
government about an exam or something like that.
27:27
And the Sikhs are the only people. We opened
27:30
up our temple, Agudwara, for the students because
27:33
the police are just beating up the kids and tear
27:36
gassing them and all that because, you know,
27:39
human rights is not the same over there if it
27:41
exists at all. So, yeah, we're the type of people
27:45
that, like I said earlier, when I said we only
27:47
pick up the sword for justice. You know, cause
27:50
we were, yeah. So when you say, so when you say
27:54
like God, like is it a different God than the
27:57
traditional Christian God? Like what kind of
27:59
God do you speak of when you're talking about
28:01
Sikh? No, we believe in one God, you know, like
28:04
that there's only one God. Our gurus are gurus,
28:07
right? But there's only one God. Like there's,
28:10
it's not, yeah. There's no like shape, form or
28:12
anything like that. We don't worship, we don't
28:15
idol worship. Right. Yeah. Okay. Um, when you
28:20
were really going through it with your ex partner,
28:24
did you ever have a moment where you talked to
28:28
God and said, why me? Like, are you trying to
28:33
punish me? Maybe I shouldn't believe in you.
28:35
Cause like, I feel like with various religious
28:39
people, there can be that moment of like, wow,
28:42
I'm going through pain. And I wonder if the God
28:46
I serve wants that for me for some reason to
28:51
learn something, or maybe there's a God that
28:53
doesn't exist, because we would like to think
28:56
that the God that we serve is only looking out
28:58
for our best interests and wants nothing but
29:00
positive things to happen in our life, but then
29:02
all this pain that happens in the world and having
29:05
relationships with people that cause us pain,
29:08
like, it really... can make you question like,
29:12
oh, like, you know, having faith and serving
29:14
this religion, is that, is that worth it? So
29:18
did you have a moment like that where you were
29:20
just asking God, why, why am I going through
29:24
this? Or did you just kind of accept it as part
29:27
of the tough journey of life? You know, the whole
29:29
time you were asking me that question, I was
29:31
trying to find that moment. But then I realized
29:34
that I was so lost. I wasn't even talking to
29:37
God back then. Really? That's how I was so erased
29:41
from myself. Yes, that's how much I was erased
29:43
from myself. You know, I did not. I don't even
29:47
think. I would sit down and pray or I would,
29:51
you know, like, I think I wasn't even myself.
29:53
I wasn't in my own head space. It was such a
29:56
weird feeling. I don't even know how to explain
29:58
it to you. You're no longer yourself. You're
30:01
not thinking from your own head anymore. You're
30:04
constantly waiting for them to validate you.
30:07
You know, this is a whole different form of abuse.
30:09
We're talking about narcissistic abuse. This
30:12
is when they literally rip your identity. It's
30:15
like a hijacking of the soul. You live, they
30:19
create a delusion that they live in, right? Which
30:22
is not the reality that normal people live in.
30:25
You are now a part of that delusion. So it really
30:29
takes a while for you to come back to reality
30:31
and realize that that was literally just a delusion
30:34
that they created. Because they continue to live
30:37
in that narrative. No matter what proof, what
30:40
evidence, how the world, like the moon could
30:43
be like, is yellow and orange. they'll tell you
30:47
is green and stick to it. Did you develop a relationship
30:49
with God as a result of the drama that you went
30:55
through with the ex -partner? Like, were you
30:57
discovering a seek as sort of a solace, as sort
31:01
of a source of relief or optimism from this painful
31:06
narcissistic experience? So, see, it was always
31:10
engraved in me already, right? Because we go
31:12
to a temple, this and that. But I never had the
31:16
relationship I did with God the way I did after
31:19
for sure because during that I started meditating,
31:23
you know, I started internalizing and all that.
31:26
So when that came about, I started seeing things
31:29
in a whole different light. And that's when I
31:31
started to build a relationship with God, you
31:35
know, with my spirituality. I don't have all
31:38
the answers. I still have the questions like
31:40
everybody does. But I believe that the answer
31:43
will lay somewhere if I look hard enough, you
31:46
know? If I search hard enough, like now, like
31:50
I see, like for my music, for example, I've been
31:53
doing it since, you know, before I came to America
31:55
when I was younger. But why is it now that it
31:59
came and it came out of the blue? Because I didn't
32:01
write Rise and think that, hey, you know, we're
32:04
going to try music again and see if this hits.
32:06
That's not how it happened. It was just me venting
32:09
to my producer. And he's like, why don't you
32:12
just, you know, write your song again? Do it
32:14
again like you used to. And literally that's
32:17
how Rise came about. And even when I went to
32:19
record it, I didn't go record Rise. I went to
32:22
record my man. And I just did Rise after it was
32:25
just like one take. I was like, you know, let's
32:28
just do it since we're already here. And that
32:30
was it. And it took a life of its own. Then Josh
32:33
came in the picture from ICON Media and did the
32:37
video where. somehow took me back to the old
32:41
place. Well, I took him back to the old place,
32:44
but I'm talking about like destiny or energy,
32:46
whatever you want to call it, took me back to
32:49
the place where that whole thing started with
32:51
that person wrote a narrative for me. you know,
32:54
and created this whole image for me, smear campaign,
32:58
took my child. If you look at the video, you'll
33:00
see that's the exact apartment where they took
33:03
my child, threw me out of my own house. Like,
33:05
it's a long story. Is that hallway you see in
33:07
the video? I used to be in there waiting to go
33:10
back in the room to feed my son because I didn't
33:12
know where else to go. I don't have family here.
33:15
I had no friends because they isolate you. So
33:17
I had no contact with my family back home either.
33:21
So I would literally be waiting in the hallway
33:23
for him to let me in so I could feed my child
33:27
and then get thrown out again and sleep in the
33:29
hallway till I can go back inside. Meanwhile,
33:32
he's going to court to get custody and I had
33:34
no clue. And then when I finally got myself together,
33:37
got a place, he would live with me with the child
33:38
and still go to court and finalize custody, which
33:41
I didn't know about. Until years later. He basically
33:45
just told the court that he couldn't find me,
33:47
you know, like he don't know where she is She's
33:49
this way. She's that way using my trauma, you
33:52
know as his leverage So what it was so that this
33:56
the song my man it follows up rise your big your
34:01
big song there Yeah, what is what is my man about?
34:04
Is it just following up? Is it just a continuation
34:07
of this story? Like you know more about that
34:10
song It was me trying to rebuild. You know, it
34:15
was me trying to first play with my Punjabi side,
34:17
right? But it was during a time when I was thinking
34:20
about, you know, getting in a relationship and
34:23
starting over and this and that. But then, you
34:26
know, after the song got released, like that
34:27
didn't work out. So. Oh, no, why not? The trauma
34:33
that I had carried with me came out, basically,
34:37
you know, so so I don't blame that person for
34:40
that. I myself have to be ready first. What about
34:45
my favorite summer drive song, To the Moon? What
34:47
is that one about? I was going to tell you that
34:49
next. That song actually was a lullaby for my
34:52
son. Really? What are we saying to him in that
34:58
lullaby? What wisdom are you instilling? It's
35:02
our escape because he's going through so much.
35:05
So when we think that, right, it's like me and
35:08
him strolling through the city, me and him just
35:11
in our little quiet space, you know, where nobody
35:13
can intrude and there's no loud yelling and there's
35:16
no evilness. There's no punishments. And there's
35:20
none of that. It's just him and me flying off
35:22
to the moon. Cause grandpa always says, I love
35:26
you to the moon and back. I said, okay, so we
35:28
all go into the moon. I said, that'll be our
35:32
little, and then also. You know, my son thinks
35:35
he's Sonic the Hedgehog. So home. So Thailand
35:39
is Green Hill and, you know, over there is Mushroom
35:43
Planet. Right. So going off to the moon is like
35:47
going off to Green Hill, going back home because
35:49
we are unable to go home yet. He's nine, he's
35:53
never been home to see his family. It's just
35:57
sad. But yeah, to the moon is us getting our
36:00
little escape. I guess you won't listen to it
36:03
the same again, right? Yeah. And that's great.
36:07
I mean, I always love the story behind songs
36:09
just to get another meaning behind it. Are you
36:15
ready for the three delicious questions that
36:17
I asked all my guests? Is this okay with you?
36:20
Yes, let's go. Okay. Wonderful. Cause I didn't
36:22
get a response from you. So I was like, Oh my
36:24
God, is she panicking? It's okay. No, no, no.
36:27
I didn't see it, but let's go. Okay. Wonderful.
36:30
All right. So Neet, what is a delicious meal
36:33
that you've had lately? Oh my God. Actually I
36:36
made green curry. A couple of days ago, I cooked,
36:39
I love cooking and Thai food is actually easier
36:42
to cook than Indian food for me. So I eat a lot
36:45
of Thai food. I made green curry. I love, that's
36:48
like my favorite Thai food. Can I ask what, so
36:50
are you like half Thai, half Indian? Like, cause
36:53
you kind of switch between India and Thailand.
36:55
Yeah. What are your, what are your roots? If
36:58
I may ask like what, where, where, where were
37:00
you born? Where were you raised? Like give me
37:02
all the, give me, give me that story. So I am
37:05
by blood. I'm Punjabi Sikh. Right. I'm Indian,
37:08
but I was born and raised in Thailand, but I'm
37:11
like the fourth of his generation there. Um,
37:14
you know, when Indian Pakistan separated, so
37:16
Punjab was cut in between, right? So a lot of
37:19
people either migrated down or migrated out.
37:22
So I'm sorry, when you say Punjab, what, what
37:25
do you mean by that? It's, it's a state in India.
37:28
Gotcha. Okay. So India is from, so India and
37:33
Pakistan used to be one country. And then they
37:36
separated because of what? After the British
37:38
left. Yeah. So it was colonized by Britain. And
37:42
then when the British left, uh, the, you know,
37:45
like the Muslims wanted their own country. So
37:48
they cut and it just so happened that Punjab
37:50
was part of it. So the people that didn't want
37:53
to convert, they either went back down or they
37:56
traveled out. So I guess my ancestors traveled
37:58
out and over down to Thailand. And, um, we've
38:02
been there ever since. And, you know, my brother
38:03
-in -law, he says it best. He says, we are a
38:08
Thai product in Indian packaging. That's a very
38:13
interesting answer. But it is so true. My next
38:16
single is called Bangkok to New York is dropping
38:18
next week. So that's to my Thai roots, you know?
38:23
Oh, Bangkok to New York. That talks about your
38:26
Thai roots and how you apply it. Coming to New
38:28
York. To New York. Okay. You came to New York
38:31
to pursue a music career or did you come just.
38:34
Well, that was one of the things. That was one
38:37
of the things. Well, I was doing my bachelor's
38:39
also, so I transferred to a university here.
38:43
I ended up doing it online. And I also had an
38:46
events company back then that I wanted to expand
38:49
with somebody here. But that's another story
38:52
because I got ripped off too. So I'm sorry. Okay.
38:56
Let's get back to green curry. I've had curry.
39:00
Curry is one of my favorite. Have you had green
39:02
curry? The Thai green curry. And I want to ask,
39:05
what is the difference between the curry that
39:07
I've tasted and green curry? Tell me, tell me
39:09
about green curry. First, you gotta tell me which
39:11
curry you had. Oh God. Because you know, Indian
39:15
curry is also different from Thai curry, right?
39:18
Oh my goodness gracious. I definitely have had
39:21
Indian curry. I don't know if I've had Thai curry.
39:26
I think of curry... I thought it was just like
39:30
one thing, but you're saying it's like many different
39:32
things. I'm thinking immediately of this HelloFresh
39:35
dish that I had some time ago. And you could
39:38
judge me all you want. I know that's not authentic
39:39
to be in, but I did have, it was like this, it
39:44
was just like this very filling hearty bean stewy
39:48
thing. And then I had like white rice with it,
39:51
like that kind of thing. So that's what I had.
39:55
Definitely did not have green curry because I
39:56
would imagine it's the color. Green? Yes, absolutely.
40:01
So tell me about green curry. Give me everything.
40:03
Why is it awesome? How does it taste? Oh my God.
40:07
It's the spices, you know, when they make these
40:10
spices. And so I can't even tell you what they
40:14
make it out of like with spice and stuff. But
40:16
it's just there's one of the spice that is green
40:19
that makes it green. You know, I'm not sure if
40:22
it's lemongrass or if it's something, but it
40:25
is really good. Um, and then you can add garlic
40:28
and then we use kaffir leaf, lime leaf. Okay.
40:31
You know, for, oh, it smells so good. And, you
40:34
know, I eat, um, meat. So I put me, I put basil
40:37
leaves and you eat it. We eat it with fried egg
40:40
in Thailand. Okay. Yeah. I was going to ask if
40:43
you have anything with it. Yeah. Really? So you
40:48
can make an omelet out of green curry, is what
40:52
you're saying? No, no, no, no, no, no. We eat
40:54
the green curry with rice and then there's an
40:56
omelet on the side that we eat with the rice
40:58
and the curry. Oh, wow. That would have definitely
41:03
filled my stomach. So that sounds delicious.
41:06
It's so good. And that's something that you cook
41:09
often? Yeah, I do. I like spicy food. So over
41:13
here in America, it's just never spicy enough
41:16
because they have, we call it American spice,
41:18
right? So when I order from a Thai restaurant,
41:21
I have to tell them, first, you got to speak
41:23
in Thai so that they, because me, they don't
41:25
believe I'm Thai, right? They fight with me when
41:28
I say I'm Thai. Why would they not believe that?
41:31
Why, why, why? Because I don't look Thai. You
41:34
know, that's it. Oh, my God. No, seriously, I
41:37
understand. I faced this my whole life. And Indians
41:40
don't accept me as Indians either because, you
41:44
know, like my Thai is better than my Punjabi.
41:46
I'm bilingual in Thai. And, you know, my mannerisms
41:49
and I like, you know, maybe like I've been in
41:52
New York this whole time. I've been working mostly
41:55
with Thai people. You know, like it's just weird.
41:58
It's like certain things like I remember numbers
42:00
in Thai. You know, it's just really weird for
42:03
me. Can you count to 10 in Thai for me? I want
42:07
to hear what that sounds like. Sure. 1, 2, 3,
42:11
4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. I love that. I'm hearing
42:19
these interesting layered grunty sounds when
42:23
you count in Thai. That's interesting. Thai is
42:27
very polite. You know, because Thailand is the
42:30
land of smiles. People are super polite. If you
42:32
could think of a polar opposite of New York is
42:35
Thailand. And where does that politeness come
42:37
from? Why are Thai people so hospitable? It's
42:40
a cultural thing. I think Thailand was never
42:42
colonized, right? So Thailand's always been like
42:46
a neutral place where people will come and port
42:48
and all that stuff. So tourism is huge, you know?
42:52
So I think all of that plays a role but then
42:55
also in the culture is just they're very we are
42:59
very very very soft spoken I say that because
43:01
I still have that thing where they don't accept
43:03
you, you know I'm saying but um, yeah, you know,
43:07
like I miss that, you know coming to New York
43:11
and I'm like, wow, like this is totally different,
43:14
you know, and if And then maybe my Indian side
43:17
also, I'm taught to like, you know, speak politely,
43:21
calmly, have manners and this, that and the third.
43:25
Here is taken as weakness. I mean, I've seen
43:27
people laugh at me because I'm polite. I've seen
43:30
people not take me seriously. It's just, it's
43:34
so different. Like culture, you know, I think
43:37
like to really understand a culture, you have
43:39
to speak the language. Yeah, well well well just
43:42
like your ex -partner fuck those people that
43:44
you know insults you on your politeness I think
43:47
that's a great attribute to have I don't know,
43:50
I'm just thinking about the spice level that
43:51
you're talking about, like how, you know, you
43:53
can't get it where you need it to be in America
43:55
because having gone to Indian anti -restaurants
43:59
and definitely have experienced, you know, food
44:01
that's spicy enough that kind of like, you know,
44:03
you can feel it going through your nose, you're
44:05
coughing. So I can only imagine, like, if that
44:09
American version of spice is not spicy enough,
44:12
like what your version of like authentically
44:15
spicy is. Um, yeah, I mean, in terms of Thai,
44:20
I've had drunken noodles. I, I, and those were
44:23
pretty spicy. I don't know if, uh, that's a dish
44:26
that you've made or is, or if that's like an
44:28
Americanized dish. Is that an authentic? Yeah,
44:31
yeah, yeah. The sauce is very basic. It's like
44:34
the basil sauce. You know, it's almost like the
44:36
pizza over here. You know, it's like the basil
44:38
sauce, the green curry. It's like the hamburger
44:41
and pizza. You know, it's very common. It's very
44:44
popular. The sauce is the same. They just use
44:46
noodles instead of rice. But it's an excellent
44:49
dish. It's my other favorite. Pad Thai. I've
44:51
had Pad Thai too. Pad Thai is the most popular
44:55
for foreigners for sure. That's tamarind sauce.
44:58
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I want you to ship me a
45:01
thing of green curry. I'm just, I'm so curious
45:03
to have that. I don't mind. I can let you know
45:07
where to get it. Like, are you located, um, in
45:10
the East coast as well? I, so I, I, I'm in Vermont,
45:13
so I'm, I'm. Oh yeah. You did tell me. Yeah.
45:15
Yeah. Yeah. So I am, I am in the East, but I'm,
45:18
I'm further up North from you. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
45:22
Uh, but I, but I do visit New York city from
45:24
time to time. So maybe I'll grab a nice dish
45:28
of green curry from you when, when, when I visit
45:30
the city. Yeah. When you come, I'll cook for
45:32
you. Oh, wonderful. Oh my God. Yay. I'm Indian.
45:37
You know, we love feeding people and we love
45:39
cooking for people and we don't understand the
45:41
word know if he asked you, if you're hungry,
45:44
right? Yeah. Hey, you said, no, I'm good. I'll
45:46
be right back with you. My family. So I'm originally,
45:50
uh, uh, I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm originally from
45:53
Connecticut that, that has no relevance to what
45:56
my family. So my family's nationality is Haitian
45:58
and it's the same thing. And I think, I think
46:00
there's just an immigrant thing of like, you
46:02
know, of, of. really being hospitable about making
46:07
sure people are good with food, almost to a fault.
46:11
Like my wife, who is just pure white person born
46:15
and raised in Vermont, she'll always be amused
46:18
by my Haitian mom. You know, like anytime we
46:22
visit her in Connecticut and we're trying to
46:25
leave to head back up here to Vermont, my mom
46:27
will always stop us and just be like, Oh, no,
46:29
no, no. Take an orange. Exactly. You can't leave
46:32
empty handed. That doesn't happen. Yeah. I totally
46:35
get it. Take these five bowls of leftovers. Like
46:38
she will overfeed us with food to go as if we
46:42
don't have any food here. Yeah. This is what
46:45
I love about cultures. You know, like I really
46:48
miss that back home. Like, yeah. Over here in
46:51
America, I think like it's just a blend of cultures,
46:54
but I want to show my son what it's really like
46:56
back home because, you know, this type of stuff,
46:58
you really got to be around family to witness
47:00
it. What is your delicious pop culture obsession?
47:06
What is something that you're watching or listening
47:08
to that you really love at the moment that you
47:10
want to share? Actually, I'm working on my Bangkok
47:13
to New York video. So, you know, that's what's
47:18
really taken up all of my time right now. So
47:21
other than that, I don't really, you know, have
47:23
time to like watch stuff because I keep myself
47:26
super duper busy. And besides, like I can't Uh,
47:30
I can't keep my mind too calm for too long because
47:33
there's too much going on. Like I have a trial
47:35
coming up on Monday. I don't even have an attorney.
47:38
So for me right now, just, you know, listening
47:41
to my music, working on my videos, because that
47:44
helps me to deal with what's going on more. You
47:47
know, can you remember the last time when you
47:49
were just able to unwind with a TV show, movie
47:53
music, just what, what, what, what was the last,
47:56
do you remember? I mean, cause it's well. I'll
47:59
tell you this much. I get to unwind when I'm
48:01
with my son. OK, you know, we have our movie
48:05
nights and stuff like that. So those are the
48:07
times where I I intentionally let go of everything
48:11
so that I'm 100 percent. Yeah. What was the last
48:14
movie you and your son watched together? Oh,
48:16
he never saw Toy Story. So we finally got to
48:19
see Toy Story and Mario Galaxy. Yeah. Oh, yeah,
48:23
yeah, yeah. So like the new Mario, the new one.
48:27
Yeah. Yeah, I've seen all the Sonic he's waiting
48:30
for the new Sonic to come out. Yeah. Oh my god.
48:33
Jesus Christ. Yeah, so I'm trying to remember
48:36
cuz is he talking about the Sonic the the Sonic
48:39
movies with Jim Carrey as the villain is Yeah,
48:43
the live -action ones. Okay. Yeah, I haven't
48:45
seen those yet, but Sonic as with Super Mario.
48:48
I mean, these are games that I played growing
48:50
up as a kid So I should see those movies because
48:54
I've heard good things about that. Dr. Eggman,
48:56
right? That's what he refers to his dad. Dr.
48:58
Eggman, yep. He was a kid one day, right? He
49:02
was about three, four years old, baby. And he
49:05
just referred, he said, oh, like Dr. Eggman.
49:08
I'm like, who? Daddy! Because he sees himself
49:11
as Sonic, right? Right. So yeah. Bald fat man
49:16
with a big twirly mustache. Dr. Eggman. And Toy
49:21
Story, there's five of them. Which one did you
49:23
guys watch together? He just saw the first one
49:25
because he hasn't seen them yet. So we started
49:27
with the first one so that I can, you know, show
49:29
him the fifth one after. What did you think of
49:32
the first Toy Story? He liked it. He liked it.
49:35
But you know, like it's about old toys, you know,
49:38
nowadays I see the commercial for the fifth one.
49:40
It's about all the high tech toys. Yeah. So my
49:44
son, think about that. He's watching Toy Story
49:46
with those regular toys back in the day. Right.
49:49
The ones. Yeah. So he's like, oh, that's interesting.
49:54
It's such a time capsule because the first Toy
49:56
Story came out in 1995. Yeah. And this was when.
50:00
The internet was in its infancy. It wasn't what
50:04
it is now. So yeah, I mean, you know, as, as
50:08
someone I'm 34. So I, I, I grew up in the, in
50:12
the 90s. So I remember, you know, that pure childhood
50:16
of, of having those physical toys that you could
50:18
play with in your bedroom. So, you know, the
50:21
Andy character, we get to see him and his relationship
50:23
with those toys. in the first and second movie.
50:26
And then I think it was the third movie where
50:28
he was growing up and like going to college and
50:30
leaving the toys behind and sort of the emotional
50:33
reaction to all that. I personally think that
50:38
Toy Story should have ended with the third one
50:41
because it was such a great way to communicate
50:47
the transition from childhood to adulthood. Have
50:50
you seen all of them? No. Me neither. I've only
50:56
seen the first one with my son too. I think,
50:59
you know, to be honest, I might have seen it
51:01
like when I was a kid, you know, with my cousins
51:03
and stuff, but I don't remember it. So for me,
51:06
it's almost like watching it for the first time
51:08
again. So I'm going to watch two, three, four,
51:10
five with him. Yeah. I've definitely seen the
51:13
first one a handful of times when I was younger.
51:16
The second one, I don't even think I've... really
51:19
absorb that, but I've heard from a lot of people
51:20
that it's their favorite Toy Story movie. The
51:22
second one gets a lot of praise. The third one
51:25
I definitely saw in theaters. That was emotional.
51:27
I cried. And the fourth one I also saw in theaters
51:32
when it came out like before the pandemic. And
51:34
I didn't really have any feelings about that.
51:36
Again, I felt like they should have just ended
51:38
with three. And then the fifth one, I am curious
51:41
as to how they deal with that because I think,
51:43
yeah, I mean, The, I believe the fifth one has
51:46
to do with these toys like Woody and Buzz and
51:49
the pig and such, you know, they have a new owner,
51:51
but the kid, I guess, is not really paying attention
51:54
to them because the kid is like really into the,
51:57
like you said, the modern technology, whether
52:00
it be smartphones, AI, like that kind of thing.
52:03
Cause yeah, I mean, you know, 20, 20. It'll be
52:05
interesting to see. I don't want to ask about
52:12
your age if you don't want me to, but like I
52:15
have the sense that you and I. know what it was
52:18
like growing up pre -internet and actually having
52:21
toys in the bedroom to play with. And now, you
52:23
know, all the toys can be found on our smartphone,
52:26
you know, via social media and stuff like that.
52:29
So I like how the Toy Story franchise is just
52:32
kind of like taking us through time from 1995
52:35
to 2026 to really show us like how much what
52:39
kids are entertained by has changed. Has changed.
52:43
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. You and your son. Okay.
52:46
I challenge you. I challenge you neat. Whenever
52:49
you get a moment to break away from, from your
52:52
wonderful work. Cause I get it. I mean, look,
52:54
I do this podcast. I do acting. I'm very much
52:57
somebody who loves to be productive and, and
52:59
really get into my creative juices. Sometimes
53:02
I am exhausted and need a break and need to watch
53:07
something to unwind. So if you and your son ever
53:11
get that moment again, Have a day where you just
53:13
watch all five Toy Story. Yeah. Right. Maybe.
53:17
And come back. You may be like, Oh my God, John,
53:20
that's like 15 hours of video clip for you to
53:25
get his review. You are a workhorse. I love it.
53:29
You're like, yeah, yeah, we're similar like that.
53:32
You're just like, you're focused on the task
53:33
at hand. You're like, nope, John, I got my music.
53:36
I got, you know. There's so much to do with life.
53:39
You know what I mean? It's like, if you really
53:41
think about it, like if you want to enjoy yourself,
53:43
enjoy life, there's actually so much to do. Yeah,
53:46
I agree. I agree. Life is short, you know, take
53:49
advantage of it the best way you can. And last
53:51
question, what is a delicious thing that's happened
53:54
in your life lately? My graduation. And wait,
53:58
I have to add this. I haven't seen my mom in,
54:01
you know, over a decade, like 15, 16 years. So
54:04
it was the first time I got to see my mom. So
54:07
she flew in from my graduation. Oh my. Oh yeah.
54:10
Yeah. Yeah. When you got your degree in developmental
54:12
psychology and what school did you go to to get
54:15
that done? Liberty university. Is that, is that,
54:19
is that in New York city where you are? No, no,
54:21
it's in Virginia. We drove down there. My producer
54:24
was so kind because my dad wasn't able to make
54:27
it because of the office and stuff. So my producer
54:30
was so kind. He came all the way here to New
54:33
York and drove me, my mom and my son down there,
54:36
you know, to have this weekend. And it was amazing
54:39
to reconnect. I'm trying to understand your timeline
54:42
of like where you are based. So was there, so
54:46
there was a period of time where you had to like
54:48
be in Virginia for school. No, I, I did it online.
54:51
Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's what I, that's
54:53
what I was. Okay. Yes. Yeah. I can't, my son
54:56
is here. I can't go anywhere. Right. Okay. And
55:00
how many years was that program like three years?
55:03
I started in February of 2024. So two years and
55:07
change. Yeah. Two years and change. Okay. And
55:10
for the graduation ceremony, you actually had
55:12
to physically be in Virginia. Yes, correct. With
55:17
the rest of my class. And your mom was able to
55:20
travel and from Thailand for that. How did it
55:22
feel like to see her and what was her reaction
55:24
to her being there for your big moment? It was
55:27
such a mixed feeling because I haven't gotten
55:30
to see her in so long. And in that time, so much
55:33
has happened. where you needed your mom and this
55:38
and that and so many unresolved issues. So it
55:42
was really nice to have her there. At the same
55:46
time, I felt like my reaction towards her wasn't
55:52
always the best because I felt like sometimes
55:55
I reacted very emotionally towards her because
55:58
of other things. You know like things that I
56:01
need to talk it out with her things that we need
56:03
to resolve and I don't think we got to do that
56:06
because she came for only two weeks because you
56:09
know, they couldn't they wanted to spend time
56:10
with my son, but because You know the father
56:14
wouldn't allow my son to go to the graduation,
56:16
but the court allowed it So we only got like
56:20
two three days like that. So my mom didn't really
56:22
get to spend too much time with my son so Yeah,
56:27
oh that got me sad and I forgot what I was saying.
56:30
No, no, it's okay No, no, no, no. No, it is sad.
56:33
I agree and The unresolved stuff that you wanted
56:38
to oh, yeah with your mom Does that have to do
56:40
with the ex partner situation or was it other
56:42
stuff everything? You know like from because
56:44
when I left Thailand, it's not like they knew
56:47
I had to, yeah, because I come from a very strict
56:50
Indian family. Girls don't leave their houses
56:53
and men marry in, right? So the woman marries
56:56
out into the boy's family and the men marry in.
57:00
So we still live with the parents no matter what.
57:03
There's no, like you move out at 18. That don't
57:06
exist where we come from. So you wanted to say
57:11
screw it to that tradition and find your independence.
57:16
And there was tension with your parents because
57:18
they believed in that tradition of you staying
57:20
home and being married. Yeah, that's what I was
57:22
saying earlier about. I did do music earlier
57:25
and it was very much shunned upon. I mean, it
57:29
was we have a very tight knit Thai Sikh society
57:32
in Bangkok city. So it's like all about, you
57:35
know, oh, what are people going to say and your
57:37
face in the society and you bringing shame to
57:40
the family name and. you know, stuff like that.
57:43
So I wasn't allowed to do it. It was I loved
57:46
to dance, you know, before I even sang and stuff,
57:49
you know, so but it was so shunned and vulgar
57:52
or considered vulgar. So when I was an older
57:55
teenager, I got with a few people and started
57:57
a group called Freedom of Expression Project
58:00
because what I believed was we can express our,
58:04
you know, like creativity to whether it's art,
58:07
fashion, music. So. You know, I did it. I did
58:11
it anyway. I got together with this other person
58:14
because he was a boy. It was easier for him.
58:16
Right. And then at my shows, we would have fashion
58:19
and we would have an art show and we would have
58:22
my musical show with the other guy. So that's
58:25
how we started. And as soon as we started, not
58:27
too long. Then I came here. So I thought that,
58:30
oh, you know, it's about to take off. But God
58:32
had a whole different other plan for me, because
58:35
back then it was just me doing my music. But
58:37
then, you know. It also tied into almost a very
58:40
similar thing because I was proven a point that
58:43
women and children have a voice, that we can
58:45
do music if we choose to, that is not vulgar,
58:47
it's creativity. So I was fighting against something.
58:51
I used to have Indian girls come that, you know,
58:53
I grew up with come to the backstage and tell
58:56
me how proud they were of me because they can't
58:58
say it openly. You know, their parents don't
59:00
let them. I'm a bad influence. They don't want
59:03
their kids to be my friend because I speak openly.
59:07
I'm straightforward. You're not supposed to speak
59:09
back. You're supposed to be a proper, quiet Indian
59:11
girl. But that wasn't me. Good. You and I both
59:17
relate in that we are the black sheeps of our
59:21
family. We have looked at whatever cultural traditions
59:26
that our family has upheld and we have said,
59:29
okay, I'm not a part of that. I'm going to be
59:31
my own person. And that's that. Like my son says,
59:35
thank you, but no thank you. Exactly. Thank you
59:39
for this information, but I'm going to choose
59:41
to not abide by it. Exactly. Exactly. I love
59:45
that. I love that. Oh, this was such a great
59:47
conversation, Neet. Can you remind everybody
59:51
where they can find you? Can you plug whatever
59:55
website, social media, like how can they follow
59:57
you, your music, your story? Just give us everything.
1:00:00
Of course. So on the musical platform is just
1:00:03
my name, K -N -E -E -T, but on all the social
1:00:06
media and YouTube and for updates on my link
1:00:10
tree for the interviews is Neet Music. K -N -E
1:00:13
-E -T, music, yes. Awesome. I love my website
1:00:17
is also neat music. Sorry. There you go. K. N.
1:00:22
E. E. T. It sounds like the word neat and E.
1:00:25
A. T. But there's a meaning behind that as well.
1:00:28
Oh, please tell me like, yeah, what is the meaning
1:00:29
behind this quickly? So my name neat is actually
1:00:34
like a short for my real long name of neat. Right.
1:00:37
My Indian Punjabi name. But the K comes from
1:00:40
my middle name, which is actually every Sikh
1:00:43
woman's name. It's core. You know how you've
1:00:45
ever heard of Mr. Singh? Maybe, no. Yeah, that's
1:00:49
a Sikh man, right? Every Sikh man's middle name
1:00:52
is Singh and every woman is core. Singh means
1:00:55
lion and core means princess. Right? Yeah. So
1:01:00
the K came, you know, like to out of respect
1:01:02
of my heritage, I put the K in front of my name
1:01:05
that I'm always a core, you know? Wow. Yeah.
1:01:10
That's fantastic. Well, thank you for that. That,
1:01:13
that, that gives me great insight. If someone
1:01:15
were to come up to you and be like, Oh, neat.
1:01:18
Like, how do you translate that name? What does
1:01:20
that mean? Cause like for, for instance, Jonathan,
1:01:24
uh, apparently the whole Christian religious
1:01:25
meaning of it is it means gift of God. I roll
1:01:31
my eyes at that because I don't consider myself
1:01:34
a gift from God. I think all of us, we are all
1:01:39
gifts from God. So if someone asks you what does
1:01:43
Neet mean, what do you tell them? What's the
1:01:46
definition? You know, actually, my name is Navneet,
1:01:48
right? And it does have a meaning because in
1:01:51
our culture, we actually pick a name from...
1:01:54
There's a whole... way of how they pick the name,
1:01:57
like they open the book and they take the first
1:01:59
letter. And I don't know how they did it, but
1:02:01
there is a meaning behind love neat. But neat
1:02:04
itself is this woman, the woman that has reclaimed
1:02:07
her power and her voice. And, you know, going
1:02:09
to use my identity to help other people, my voice
1:02:12
and anything that I carry inside me. You know,
1:02:16
is just, I really, I feel so strongly about being
1:02:20
able to help other people because what's happening
1:02:22
around the world is just really devastating.
1:02:25
You know, in family courts and to children, children
1:02:28
don't have a voice. They need us to protect them.
1:02:31
You know, I don't mean they don't have a voice.
1:02:34
I mean, they don't know how to use their voice
1:02:35
yet. So, you know, we need to help them while
1:02:39
they still learning, give them that space at
1:02:41
that, you know, time and that freedom to learn
1:02:43
about themselves, you know. Yeah. Absolutely.
1:02:47
I agree. I agree. Well, again, thank you for
1:02:49
this. This was such a great conversation for
1:02:52
the audience listening and watching out there.
1:02:53
Once again, you can follow The Delicious Culture
1:02:56
with Jon François wherever you get your podcasts.
1:02:58
Apple, Spotify, SiriusXM, Amazon, et cetera.
1:03:01
If you like the podcast, please rate and review
1:03:03
on Apple and Spotify. Email TheDeliciousCulture
1:03:07
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1:03:10
feedback. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at
1:03:13
The Delicious Culture. Subscribe on YouTube at
1:03:17
The Delicious Culture, John Francois. John Francois
1:03:20
is spelled J -O -N -F -R -A -N -C -O -I -S. And
1:03:25
until next time, let the. deliciousness ring.
1:03:56
But dreams don't bloom overnight They weren't
1:04:00
any so sudden and sweet But she has something
1:04:04
burning under her feet Steped into the city with
1:04:09
hopes and dreams But hopes and dreams can't pay
1:04:14
for things He came with his thoughts and his
1:04:19
sweet tongue Promised to the world, sold her
1:04:23
a sick song Now she carrying this baby where
1:04:27
we go wrong Now she on the street locked out
1:04:30
of her own home And still I rise Through the
1:04:35
pain, through the lies Through the nights I cry,
1:04:38
in the empty skies Try to dim my shine, try to
1:04:43
take my name But I'm still standing in the middle
1:04:47
of the rain No hand to hold, just a fire They
1:04:56
can bruise my body, can't take my pride And I
1:05:00
never break till I rise They used her love like
1:05:06
a king with government assistance Took what they
1:05:10
could, left her out in the trenches On the streets,
1:05:14
walking, fell asleep on some benches It was all
1:05:17
a dream, no begging, now she's riding fences
1:05:20
They cast her up, called her in Put her in cuffs,
1:05:26
brought shame to her name Lied to the law, turned
1:05:30
hearts into stone She's fighting this battle
1:05:34
all alone But she built her strength from shattered
1:05:38
glass Found her voice in the questions they'd
1:05:42
asked One step, one breath, she'd climb from
1:05:46
below Now she's walking down roads of gold, they
1:05:50
can't go And still I run Through the pain, through
1:05:54
the lies Through the nights I cry, in the empty
1:05:58
skies Try to do my shine, try to take my name
1:06:02
But I'm still standing in the middle of the rain
1:06:06
No hand to hold, just a fire inside I was born
1:06:11
to blow up, not to survive They can bruise my
1:06:15
body, can't take my pride Pain but never break,
1:06:21
till I rise Through the dark, through the doubt,
1:06:26
through the storms They tried to drown me out
1:06:30
Took my soul, tried to cage my mind But I found
1:06:35
a way to leave it all behind No crown, no throne,
1:06:40
just some other's pride Ain't a world that no
1:06:44
pain can divide You tried, you failed, you cut
1:06:48
me deep inside I fall, I crawl, but still I rise