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WHEN THE HOUSE GETS QUIET · Back Porch Confessions

• Gravesb41: Sometimes my soul is just tired, tired of being strong, tired of carrying the heaviness, tired of fighting battles nobody else can see. And maybe you know that kind of tired too. The kind of tired that doesn't come from sleep, the kind of tired that settles deep in your heart, your mind and your spirit, the kind that comes from surviving, enduring, holding it all together and still showing up when your life had tried to take everything out of you. But here's the truth. Being tired does not mean you are weak, it does not mean you are broken, and it does not mean your story is over. At Renewed Mind we talk about the hard things, the hidden heaviness, the silent battles, the trauma, the grief, the healing, and the fight to keep going when your soul feels weary. This is the place where strong people can finally tell the truth, where healing gets honest, where pain is spoken out loud. And where the ones who have spent their whole lives pouring into others can find a space to breathe, be seen, and remember they are worth the battle too because sometimes the healer needs healing. Sometimes the strong ones need somewhere soft to land, and sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is admit you're tired and keep choosing to heal anyway. This is renewed mind, real talk, real pain, real healing. One honest conversation at a time. Welcome to Back Porch Confessions, where the sweet tea is strong, the stories are stronger, and no topic is too taboo for the porch. Grab a seat, kick off your shoes, and let's get into the kind of conversation your mama warned you about, but you listen anyway. Back Porch Confessions: Hey y'all, how are you doing? Welcome in. Welcome to Back Porch Confessions. gonna pull my notes up here real quick. How's everybody doing? Welcome back. I am obviously your hostess with The Most Mess, Barbara McCormick, and today we are going to be talking about the loneliness. We're gonna be talking about Something that I believe a whole lot of us mamas are experiencing, but not nearly enough of us are talking about it. And why why are we not talking about it? Why have we not talked about it? We're going to talk about what happens when the nest becomes empty, when the bedrooms that were once full of noise become quiet, when the laundry piles get smaller, when the refrigerator actually stays full. longer than three business days or if in your mind in my house you can open the refrigerator and go do you all eat? There's no food in here. But when you realize that nobody has yelled mom from the other end of the house in what feels like forever. Now don't get me wrong. There are some things about having grown children that are absolutely wonderful. For starters, I can buy groceries and actually expect them to still be here tomorrow. I can walk into the bathroom without somebody needing something other than my four legged fur babies. I can sit down with a cup of tea and occasionally drink it while it is actually still hot and not have to reheat it four or five times. And I can clean the kitchen with a reasonable expectation that there's a possibility it'll still be clean when I wake up. Hallelujah, we have been delivered. But then there are the other moments. The moments nobody really prepares us for. When you walk past an empty bedroom, when you hear a song that reminds you of when your children were little, when you see a mama in the grocery store with her kids and suddenly you'd give just about anything to go back to one ordinary Tuesday. Not a Christmas morning, not their birthday, not some big milestone, just an ordinary Tuesday. The kind when everybody was home and And somebody was complaining about dinner, somebody couldn't find their shoes, somebody needed help with homework, and somebody was hollering from another room asking where something was that was probably right in front of their face. Amen. Those days, the ones we sometimes wished would slow down, the ones we didn't realize were becoming memories while we were living them. And now, now the house is quiet. And sometimes that quiet is peaceful. Sometimes it's beautiful. Sometimes it's exactly what we spent 20 years wishing we could have for five unter uninterrupted minutes. I don't know why that word is hard for me. But sometimes, sometimes that quiet feels so loud, it almost hurts. And here's what I want to talk about today. It's not just that we miss our children. Sometimes we miss who we were when they were little. We miss being needed. We miss having a purpose that felt obvious. We miss knowing what our days were supposed to look like. And sometimes, if we're willing to admit it, we don't really know who we are anymore without all of those responsibilities. Because for years, motherhood wasn't simply something we did. It became a part of who we understood ourselves to be. Our schedules revolved around our children, our decisions revolved around our children, our worries revolved around our children, our prayers revolved around our children. And our hearts have mercy. Our hearts were walking around outside our bodies wearing little shoes. And then those little shoes became bigger shoes, and eventually those shoes started walking toward lives of their own. And we were proud, we are proud, so incredibly proud, but we are also grieving. And sometimes we feel guilty for grieving because our children were doing exactly what we spent their entire lives preparing them to do. They're growing up, they're becoming independent. They're building lives. They're learning how to live without needing us for every little thing. That's a beautiful thing. But beautiful things can still hurt. So today we're going to talk about the loneliness nobody prepared us for. Among other things. We're going to talk about the identity we sometimes lose inside motherhood. We're going to talk about the guilt that comes with wanting something for ourselves. And most importantly, we're going to talk about the parts of ourselves that are still waiting to be rediscovered. Because Mama, your story didn't end when your children grew up. A new chapter began. And maybe just maybe it's time to give yourself permission to turn that page. There's a particular kind of grief though that doesn't always have a name. It's the grief of something that hasn't died, but has changed so completely that you can never experience it in quite the same way again. Your children are still here. You can call them, you can text them, you can visit them, you can hear their voices, and you can watch them build their lives. But the childhood version of your relationship is gone. And sometimes we don't realize how much we're grieving that until something small catches us off guard. Maybe you're folding laundry and remember how tiny their clothes used to be. Maybe you find an old school picture. Maybe you come across a a a handmade Mother's Day card with crooked letters and a little handprint. And then suddenly you're standing there holding a piece of paper that somehow weighs a thousand pounds because you remember. You remember the little hands, the little voice, the bedtime stories, the scraped knees. The mama watch this. Mama I need you or mama can you hear? Come here, I said. And you remember being tired, so tired. You remember wanting a break, wanting silence, wanting five minutes where nobody needed anything. And now you have those five minutes. You have hours of them, sometimes entire days. And you find yourself wishing you could hear that little voice just one more time. Isn't it something how we can spend one season wishing for a little more freedom and another season missing the very things we wanted freedom from? But that's the complexity of motherhood, right? We can be grateful for the present and still grieve the past. We can celebrate our children's independence and still miss their dependence. We can love the adults they've become while missing the children they used to be. None of those things cancel out the other. I want to introduce something here called ambiguous loss. It's a concept used to describe forms of loss where there's uncertainty or a lack of clear closure. Not every emptiness experience fits that definition, but some of the feelings can resemble it because your child hasn't disappeared. your relationship hasn't necessarily ended, but the familiar structure of your life has changed. And there isn't always a ceremony for that. There's no funeral for the last bedtime story, no announcement for the last time you carry your sleepy child from the car or the sofa. No celebration for the final time that they ask you to tie their shoes. Most of those moments happen without us knowing they're the last. And that can make them especially emotional when you look back. But here's something I want us to remember: missing a season doesn't mean you should live in it forever. We can honor what was without refusing to experience what is. And sometimes healing begins when you stop telling yourself you shouldn't be sad. You are allowed to miss your babies, even when they're grown, even when they're happy. Even when they're thriving, you are allowed to miss the noise, the chaos, the mess, the little sweet arms wrapped around your neck, and you are allowed to cry about it. But I also want to ask you something. What if the love you poured into that season was never meant to disappear? What if it was meant to change shape? What if motherhood didn't end? What if it simply became something different? Because your children may not need you to tie their shoes anymore. But they may still need your encouragement, your wisdom, your prayers, your laughter, your ability to listen without immediately trying to fix everything. And maybe this season isn't about no longer being their mama. Maybe it's about learning how to be their mama in a new way. I can remember back when I I was working at the family practice and I remember the conversation of children growing up and moving out and moving away and how we're gonna feel or whatever and me being me, I'm like, I'm not gonna miss any of that. you know, 18, they're gonna get Samsonite or Tuistra as their option and out they go and know I'm gonna celebrate and all these things. I really genuinely felt like I would be okay. And then I wasn't. And then I wasn't. so yeah. What is your ordinary moment? What is your ordinary moment from your children's childhood that you wish you could experience just one more time? Think about it for a minute. So now I'm gonna move to the part where being a mama become our whole identity. Let's talk about something that can be difficult to admit. Sometimes we become so consumed with taking care of everybody else that we lose touch with the person we were before they needed us. And I don't mean we regret becoming mothers. No, absolutely not. I mean somewhere between school lunches, appointments, sports practices, homework. laundry bills, relationships, all the things, and trying to keep everybody alive and reasonably civilized. We forgot to check in with ourselves. And honey, raising children is a full contact sport. Some days I think motherhood motherhood should absolutely come with a helmet, a whistle, and hazard pay. Are are you with me? Amen. Because there are seasons when you're not just a mama. You are the cook, the chauffeur, the nurse, the referee. The therapist, the event planner, the personal assistant, the financial advisor, the lost and found department, the woman with everything, right? The woman who apparently knows where everybody's belongings are at all times, except for our own. I could tell you where everybody else's shoes were, but couldn't remember where I had put my glasses. And half the time they were on my head. But n beneath all of those responsibilities, There was still a woman, a woman with interest, dreams, preferences, talents, a personality, a sense of humor, maybe even ambitions I put on hold. And sometimes when our children grow up, we look around and realize we don't know what that woman likes anymore. And then somebody will ask us, What do you want to do this weekend? And we don't know. If dry mouth has you constantly reaching for water, listen up because I found something you need to know about, and that is the Rayo Oral Pouch Solutions. They're discreet, easy to use, and designed to help keep your mouth feeling comfortably hydrated without constantly sipping water or grabbing for that piece of candy that hoping it'll help. Just tuck a little pouch in the pocket of your jaw and go about your day. There's no mess, no fuss, it's discreet. Just a simple option for dry mouth relief when you need it. So if dry mouth is driving you crazy, check out the OPS Rio Pouches at Oral Pouch Solutions dot com. Your mouth might just be thanking you for it. Moisture where you need it. OPS Rio, Dry Mouth Pouches, wherever life takes you. What are your hobbies? Well, I used to have some. What do you enjoy doing just for yourself? And suddenly we realize how long it's been since we asked ourselves those questions. For years we knew everybody else's favorite foods, their schedules, their friends, their needs, their dreams. But somehow along the way we stopped asking about our own. I went on I want to say something important here. You did not disappear because you became a mother. You adapted. You prioritized, you sacrificed, you grew, you changed. But there are parts of you that may not have had room to breathe for a very long time. And this season can be an opportun an opportunity to meet her again, to meet that person, that woman again. Not necessarily become the woman you were at twenty. Because honey, I do not know. I don't I don't know about y'all, but there are some parts of my twenty-year-old years self that need to remain safely in the archives. Lord, she made some questionable decisions in in her life. But maybe it's about discovering the woman you've become, the woman who has lived and loved and lost and learned and survived and gained wisdom through every season. You don't have to go backward to re rediscover yourself. You can move forward, you can discover new interests, new dreams, new friendships, new routines, new purposes. And you can do it without feeling that you are somehow betraying the years you spent raising your children. Because being a mother is part of your identity, a beautiful part and meaningful part, but it's not the entirety of who you are. And maybe one of the greatest gifts you can give or we can give our adult children is allowing them to see that their mama has a life worth living too. Not because she loves them less, not because you love them less, but because you finally have room to love yourself a little more intentionally. So what are some of your interests? If somebody took away all of your titles, mother, wife, grandmother, employee, how would you describe the woman underneath it all? Because I did. I put a lot of my stuff in my busy mommy years. I put a lot of my stuff on hold. The things that I'm doing now, those dreams of being behind the camera, doing the TikTok lives, even though that wasn't really part of the dream, but doing something like the TikTok. Lives. I didn't know what it looked like, but I knew I needed to do something in front of people to help many people as I can. So I didn't know what that looked like, but now it looks like a TikTok live, it looks like a podcast, it looks like being a counselor, it looks like going back to school to get those certifications to be able to do the counseling. That's what it looks like for me. That's what it was, that's what it is underneath. And believe me, I'm still searching, but that's what it was for me underneath. Underneath all of that, mommy. Time, this is me. I'm funny, I'm God driven, I'm faithful, I want to help, I'm empathetic, I'm compassionate, beyond my children, beyond my family. So then we land in the part where we have the loneliness nobody, nobody tells us about. They didn't prepare us for it. Let's talk about that loneliness, not simply being alone, because those are two different things. You can be alone and feel completely peaceful. You can be surrounded by people and feel deeply lonely. And sometimes the loneliness of an empty nest isn't really about having nobody around. It's about missing a particular kind of connection. The connection of being a part of somebody's everyday world. Knowing what time they wake up, knowing what they had for lunch, knowing who upset them at school, knowing what they were excited about, knowing when something is wrong just by the way they walk through the door. For years, we were woven into the smallest details of their lives. And then gradually, Those details became theirs to manage. They began making decisions without consulting us. Having conversations we weren't part of. my. Building their own routines. We didn't get to organize. And yes, that's healthy. That's independence. But it can still leave an emptiness in our mama hearts, especially when we've spent so many years measuring our days. By how needed we were. And here's something I think we need to also discuss. Sometimes we don't just miss our children. We miss the version of ourselves who felt important because somebody depended on us. Now, before anybody gets offended, please hear me out. There's nothing wrong with enjoying being needed. There's nothing wrong with feeling fulfilled by caring for your family. But if your entire sense of worth Becomes tied to being needed, independence can begin to feel like rejection. And that's where we have to be careful because our children growing up is not the same as our children abandoning us. Their independence is not necessarily a statement about our importance. Their busy schedules are not necessarily a reflection of how much they love us. or lack thereof and their desires to build their own lives is not evidence that we no longer matter. Sometimes they're simply living the life we raised them to live. And I know that sounds beautiful, but it doesn't always feel beautiful. And sometimes it feels like waiting for a phone call. Sometimes it feels like checking your messages. Sometimes it feels like wanting to reach out but worrying you're bothering them. Sometimes it feels like wondering whether They miss you as much as you miss them. Sometimes it feels like realizing that people who used to be the center of your daily life now have lives where you are no longer present for every moment. And that can be a hard adjustment. But here's something I want you to consider. Love does not have to be measured by constant access. Connection does not have to be measured by how often somebody needs something. In your importance, As a mother, does not disappear when your children become capable of caring for themselves. You still matter. Not because they need you to manage their lives, but because you are part of their story, because your love helped shape their foundation, because you are their mama. And because healthy adult relationships can grow into something different, something beautiful in its own right. But we also have to recognize that our children cannot be responsible for filling every empty space in our lives. That's a responsibility no one person should carry. And maybe part of this season is learning to build connection outside of the role of motherhood. Ergo and friendships, community, shared interest, faith, purpose. In relationships where we are valued not just for what we provide but for who we are. Do you miss your children being little? Or do you miss feeling needed? Allow space for a minute for both of those answers to be true for you. Because you can absolutely miss them and miss being needed. Yeah, you absolutely can. I feel When I miss my children I do miss the connection. The love, the warmth. There's a lot of things that I miss. I I just miss everything about them. But I'm also finding out who I am in the process of all of that. And it's okay to have both. And somewhere in the process of that you learn how to let adult children have their own lives. Now I'm not saying that that's the most fanciful thing that we would ever really want because we don't but we know we have to. Or at least we should know that we have to. Because How do I put this? This chapter might step on a few toes. And I'm including my own. Because one of the hardest parts of parenting adult children is learning when to offer guidance and when to just simply listen. For years, we were responsible for keeping them safe, making decisions, setting the rules. Helping them navigate the world. And then one day they're grown. They have their own opinions, they have their own relationships, their own priorities, their own ways of doing things. And sometimes those ways are not the ways we would have chosen. Lord help us. Because there are moments when you want to grab a microphone and announce, attention, everybody, Mama has reviewed this situation and would like to offer a few corrections. Nobody requested a meeting, right? Nobody requested that announcement. Nobody asked for a presentation. And apparently management has changed. And we don't have to like it. Here's the difficult part. Our children are allowed to make decisions we don't agree with. They're allowed to learn through experience. They're allowed to establish boundaries even with us. They're allowed to build lives that look different from the ones we imagine. Our job is no longer to control the outcome. Our job is becomes learning how to remain a loving presence while respecting their independence. Shh. That doesn't mean we stop caring. It doesn't mean we never offer advice. And it certainly doesn't mean we have to agree with every decision. But it does mean we begin recognizing the difference between support and control. Support says I'm here if you need me. Control says I need you to do this my way so I can feel comfortable. Support says I trust that you're learning. Control says I need to prevent you from making mistakes. Support says you can come to me without fearing that every conversation will become a lecture. And that last one, that's important. Because sometimes, if we want our adult children to keep sharing their lives with us, we have to make sure we're creating a relationship where they feel safe being honest. Not a relationship where they feel they must hide every decision we might question. Now, there are exceptions. If someone is in immediate danger, safety obviously matters. If serious harm is involved, We may need to intervene appropriately. But ordinary adult decisions belong to adults making them. And sometimes our greatest act of love is allowing our children to the dignity of learning their own lessons. Even when we're sitting over here thinking, Jesus, take the wheel, because I have some suggestions and I know they're not going to take them. But here's what I want us to remember. The goal was never to raise children. who would need us forever. The goal was to help them to become adults capable of living meaningful lives. And if they're doing that, we have something to celebrate, even while we're learning how to let go of the old version of our role. Have you ever tried to let go of the old version of your role? It's not easy. Ever. So I having to let go of my old role, even though, like I said, I thought I was going to be okay with it, I wasn't. And I still catch myself doing some of the very things that I just mentioned to my youngest son, who's now 22 years old. I'm trying to lecture him about what it's gonna cost him to do this and that and why is he choosing this path and da-da-da-da-da. And then he checks out. Anybody else relate? Is it just me? Am I the only one that's losing my mind at this point? To ask you guys a question, and I probably need to answer it myself to be honest with you. Can you love your adult children enough to allow their lives to look different from the ones you imagined for them? I literally just talked to somebody, I believe, this morning about that. How a decision, my third child, my daughter Michaela, that she was making a decision at a young age that I found questionable and I was worried about. the end results of it and and we had a difficult time. Now, you know, I I offer advice and try to stay in my lane as much as I can so she can come to me. But man, it looks different. It looks different for me. But she still has a beautiful life. She's done an amazing job. All of my children, all of my children are kick and tail. And I am absolutely proud of all four of them and the two bonus babies. Man. It looks different to let that go, isn't it? So now we get to the point of learning to give ourselves permission. Giving yourself permission to do what? Gravesb41: Hey beautiful people, it's Barbara here from Backport's Confessions. You know, I am only gonna share what I truly love. And y'all, this one's a game changer. Our Way Skin by AYXA is a simple, luxurious skincare created with real women in mind. Think clean ingredients, formulas you can see and feel, smoother texture, that healthy glow and confidence looking back at you in the mirror. Whether you're juggling family, work, or just need a little self-care moment, Ixa's products give you spa quality results right at home. I'm obsessed with Our Way Skin and the way it makes my skin feel buttery soft. Go check out Our Way Skin by Ixa at ourwayskin.com and tell them Barbara sent you because your skin deserves to be cared for your way. Back Porch Confessions: Where do you find yourself giving yourself that permission to have a life again? Now we're getting to the part that I really want every mama listening to hear. You are allowed to enjoy this season without guilt. Let me say that again. You are allowed to enjoy this season. No guilt. You are allowed to wake up on a Saturday morning without having a schedule full of responsibilities. You are allowed to take a trip. You are allowed to spend money on something you enjoy within your means, obviously. You are allowed to discover a new hobby. You are allowed to make new friends. I have. There's absolutely nothing wrong with making new friends. You are allowed to fall in love with your spouse all over again if that's part of your life. You are allowed to enjoy your own company. You are allowed to be happy without feeling guilty that your children are no longer living under your roof. Because sometimes guilt sneaks into this season. We start enjoying our freedom and then a little voice says, shouldn't you miss them more? What kind of mother enjoys having all this time to herself? I'm gonna stop you right there. Stop it. Honey, the kind who spent twenty something years making sure everybody had clean underwear, food in the refrigerator, and a ride to wherever they needed to be. That's what kind. Because you can miss your children and enjoy your freedom. You can feel nostalgic and excited about the future. You can love being a mother and love having time for yourself. Those feelings are not contradictions. They're part of being human. And I think one of the things that makes this transition so difficult is that many women have spent years believing their worth is tied to how much they do for others. We feel vulnerable. If we're not doing for others, we feel more valuable, valuable, sorry, when when we are needed and we are doing for others. Productive when we're busy, important when we're solving problems. And those responsibilities decrease. We may feel like we're supposed to find something equally demanding to replace them. And some of us do that. But what if you don't? What if this season isn't about filling every empty hour? What if it's about learning that you have value even when you're not doing something for somebody else? What if you could sit on your porch with a cup of tea and simply enjoy the sunshine? What without feeling guilty? Without feeling unproductive, without wondering what you should be doing? What if rest could be part of your life instead of something you have to earn? And what if you gave yourself permission to just be curious again? To try something simply because it interests you. Not because you're good at it. Not because somebody needs you to do it. Not because it earns money, but because it makes you happy. Maybe you've always wanted to paint. Maybe you've always wanted to write. Maybe you wanted to travel. Maybe you've wanted to learn photography. Maybe you've wanted to volunteer. Maybe you just wanted to start a business and maybe you've wanted to go back to school, or maybe you just wanted to figure out what you enjoy. And all of that, that's okay too. You don't have to reinvent your entire life overnight. You can begin with one small question. What sounds enjoyable to me? And then give yourself permission to explore the answer. Because this isn't about replacing your children. It's about making room for yourself. Let me ask you guys something. What is one thing you've always wanted to try but kept putting off because everyone else's needs came first? I'd love to know. Drop me a line in here. Tell me something. Seriously. I would love to know. What is your answer to that? What is the one thing you've always wanted to try but kept putting off because everyone else needs something first? Take that one small step and in and toward it this week. Put it in the comments. Write me a note. Send me an email at backporchconfessions at gmail.com. Let me know what that thing is. Because rediscovering the woman who was always there, that's gonna be the amazing part. That is where you're going to find parses parts of you that you didn't even know was gone. The rediscovery of you. Let's imagine something together. Imagine sitting across the table from the younger version of yourself. Just imagine it. Not the mother, not the wife, not the grandmother. Just the young woman you were before life became so full of responsibility. What would she ask you? What would she ask if you ever took that trip? If you ever learned to dance. If you ever wrote that book, if you ever found the courage to do something that scared you, would she ask you if you were happy? What would you tell her? What would you tell her about your children? Of course you would. You would tell her everything about your children. You would tell her about the beautiful people they became. You would tell her about the laughter, the memories, the struggles, sacrifices, and the lessons. You tell her about the times you got things right. And the times you wished you could go back and do things differently. But after you told her all of those stories, what would you tell her about you? About the woman you became, about the dreams you still carry, about the things you still want to experience. Because I want you to understand something. You are still becoming, even now, even after your children have grown. Even after your life has changed, even after you've experienced disappointment, heartbreak, grief, and seasons you never expected, you are still becoming. And I think sometimes we forget that. Look at our age, our responsibilities, our circumstances, and we begin telling ourselves that certain opportunities have passed, that we're too old, it's too late. That our time has come and gone. But who decided that? Who decided that a woman stops growing when her children grow up? Who decided that dreams have expiration dates? Who decided that the most meaningful years of your lives must happen while you're raising children? Motherhood may have been one of the most significant chapters of your story, but that does not mean that the remaining chapters have to be less meaningful. They may simply be different. And different doesn't have to mean less. Maybe this is the season when you finally learn how to enjoy your own company. Maybe this is the season when you begin building friendships that nourish you. Maybe this is the season when you start taking better care of your physical and emotional health. Maybe this is the season when you discover talents. Did you even know you had talents? Did you even spend time thinking about the talents that you've put to the side? I know I did. Maybe this is the season when you stop apologizing for having needs. Maybe this is the season when you learn that your identity is not defined solely by what you provide for other people. And maybe this season when you finally begin treating yourself with the same love you've spent so many years giving away. I want to say something here. I want to say something else. Rediscovering yourself doesn't always feel exciting. Sometimes it's going to feel uncomfortable. Sometimes it's going to feel lonely. And sometimes it's going to feel like you're starting completely over. And sometimes it brings up grief you didn't know you were carrying. And that's okay. You don't have to rush the process. You don't have to turn your empty nest into some dramatic transformation. You don't have to suddenly become a world traveler, a marathon runner, a mother who wakes up at four in the morning to do yoga while drinking celery juice. Honey, some of us are just trying to figure out what to make for dinner when nobody's asking for chicken nuggies. Rediscovering can be simple. It can be Very simple. It can also begin with choosing a restaurant you enjoy, listening to music you love, calling an old friend, go outside, take that walk, start a journal, write in the journal, learn how to do grounding, read a book. When was the last time you read a book? Trying a new activity or simply sitting quietly and asking yourself, what do I want my life to feel like now? Not what everybody else expects, not what social media says, not what your children need. What do you, you and you and everybody else in here, what do you want your life to feel like? Peaceful, connected, creative, adventurous, purposeful, restful. I'll take that one. Joyful. And what is one thing you can do to begin moving in that direction? I want you guys to take a moment to think about that. What can you do to move in that direction? Imagine your younger selves and consider which dreams and interests or qualities you would like to reconnect with. What is that for you? I would love to reconnect with my love of singing, my love of music. That's something I need to work on. Something I want to work on when I find the time. I would love to find a hobby of of even though my friend Tina is gonna tell me I'm cray cray, of doing the diamond art. I literally got this new book. And it's the Ethiopian Bible. And it's got the stories that are missing out of the Bible. Yes, the Bible was written by men. Men also decided these stories needed to not be in there. So me being me I'm curious and I want to know. I want to know more. And that's okay to more to know more, to want more. What do you want? What are your interests and dreams from when you were younger that maybe you can incorporate with what what is now? What is now? Because we all have something we want to connect with now, don't we? The bottom line is we are and always will be still their mama. We are still their mama, but you are also still you. And I don't want you to forget that. As we come to an end of today's today's podcast, my conversation, my TED talk with you, I want to speak directly to the mama or mamas who are struggling. The ones who Who smile when her children call but cries after hanging up, the ones who walk through the quiet house remembering how full it used to be, the ones whose purpose feels empty now, the ones who feel proud of their children but sometimes feels forgotten. The one who wonders whether she did enough, whether she got it right, whether her children know how deeply she loves them. And the one who doesn't quite know what to do with herself now that life has slowed down. I want you to hear me when I say this. Your motherhood still matters. Every bedtime story, every scraped knee you kissed, every meal you prepared, every prayer you whispered, every time you showed up when you were exhausted, every time you tried again after making a mistake, those moments mattered, and they still matter. Gravesb41: If you're looking for beautiful, meaningful, and custom-made creations that tell a story, Little Butterfly Design and Print is where creativity and compassion come together. 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Back Porch Confessions: But you matter too, not just as somebody's mother, not just as somebody's wife, not just as somebody's grandmother, Nana, Gigi, Mimi, not just as the person who keeps everything together. You matter as a woman, as an individual, as somebody with her own heart, her own dreams, her own needs, and her own story. And you are allowed to keep writing that story. I want you to think about something. When your children were little, you probably spent a lot of your time encouraging them, right? Telling them they could do hard things, telling them to believe in themselves, telling them to try again when something didn't work, telling them they were capable of more than they realized. Well, mama, when was the last time you gave yourself that same encouragement? When was the last time you told yourself you can do this? You can start something new. You can make friends. You can learn. You can grow and you can be happy. And you can build a meaningful life. Because you can. And maybe it's time to start speaking to yourself with the same love you used when you were encouraging your children. Now I know there are going to be days when you miss the past. I do. There are going to be days when the quieter feels heavier than usual. I had that last week. There are going to be moments when you wish you could go back. And that's okay. You can visit those memories. You can smile, you can cry, and you can remember. But don't forget to come back to the life that's still waiting for you. Because there's still beauty here, there's still purpose here, there's still love here, there's still laughter in there, and there are still parts of yourself waiting to be discovered. So I want to do a closing prayer. I don't normally do this, but Heavenly Father, today I want to lift up every mother who is learning how to navigate a new season of life. Every mother who is proud of her children, but quietly grieving the years that have passed. Every mother who misses the noise, the laughter, the little footsteps, and the days when her children needed her for everything. Lord, remind her that the love she poured into those years was not wasted. Remind her that her worth was Was never limited to what she could provide for others. Help her release the guilt that comes with wanting a life of her own. Help her understand that she can love her children deeply while also learning to love the woman she is becoming. Give her peace in the quiet moments, comfort in the lonely moments, courage in the unfamiliar moments, and when she begins to wonder what comes next, Father help her see that this season is not the end of her purpose. It is another opportunity to grow, to discover, to connect, to serve, and to rest, and to experience the beautiful life you have placed before her. Help her celebrate her children's independence without interpreting it as rejection. Help her build relationships that bring connection and joy, and help her rediscover the dreams, gifts, and passions that may have been waiting patiently beneath years of responsibility. Remind her that she is still valuable, still loved, still capable, still becoming, and still your daughter. In Jesus' name, amen. We we all need this prayer. And that brings us to the end of another back porch confessions. And I hope today's conversation reminded you that an empty nest does not have to mean an empty life. Your children growing up doesn't mean your purpose has disappeared. It means your purpose may be changing. And you deserve the opportunity to discover what that looks like. So here's my challenge for you this week. Do one thing that's just for you. Not because somebody needs you to, not because you're responsible for it. Not because it's productive, but because it brings you a little bit of happiness. And while you're doing it, I want you to remember something. You spent years helping your children discover who they were. Maybe now it's time to give yourself that same beautiful opportunity. If today's episode spoke to your heart, share it with another mama who's navigating the season. Follow Back Porch Confessions on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, even though it's difficult there. Enjoy our conversations on TikTok at the Back Porch Confessions TikTok live page Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday at twelve thirty Eastern Central Standard Time. And as always, I am Barbara McCormick, your hostess with the most miss. And until next time, keep loving those babies, keep cheering them on, keep making memories, but don't forget to make a few memories of your own. Because you were somebody before they called you mama. You became somebody beautiful while raising them and you're still allowed to become somebody new. I love you all. Make sure you listen to the commercials. Thank you so very much. Have a great day. Until next time, I'll see you on the back porch. Gravesb41: Y'all, let me tell you about one of my favorite little gyms back home in Robinson, Illinois. If you're looking for boutique style that feels good, fits right, and doesn't break the bank, you have to stop by Polished Boutique, owned by my sweet friend, Mindy, and her two friends, Jennifer and Valerie. And it's ran with heart, y'all. Polished is one of those places where you're not just shopping, you're family. From on-trend outfits, cozy everyday staples, statement accessories, and deals that make your wallet smile, Polished has something for every woman, every season of life. So if you're anywhere near Robinson, Illinois, go see Mindy and her girls at Polished Boutique. Tell them Back porch confession sent you. And don't be surprised if you leave feeling a little more confident than when you walked in. Polished Boutique, where style meets heart. That's a wrap on this episode of Back Porch Confessions. Where the tea is hot, the stories are real, and we never apologize for keeping it honest. Produced and edited by the magic makers over at Zay Media. Until next time, keep your porch talk spicy and your secrets safe, mostly.