Latest / The Christy-Faith Show / Ep. 106 - She Was Denied a Diagnosis Because She Homeschools — Here's What We're Doing About It

Transcript

Ep. 106 - She Was Denied a Diagnosis Because She Homeschools — Here's What We're Doing About It · The Christy-Faith Show

• 0:00
  Christy-Faith: You're not gonna believe this. I met a homeschool mom a while back and her son was struggling. She knew something was off and she did what any good mom would do. She wanted to get him evaluated for dyslexia. He was struggling with reading.
• 0:12
  So she took him, they tested him, and guess what? Yeah. He has dyslexia. But here's the kicker. They would not give him an official dyslexia diagnosis.
• 0:21
  This is gonna make your blood boil. Why? Well, because he was homeschooled and never had been in a school, they said that they could not rule out educational neglect or another way they say it is failure to educate. Yeah. Let that sink in.
• 0:36
  A child who needed help was denied a diagnosis because of how his family chose to educate him. I wish that was the only story that I had, but it's not. Another mom, she's super excited. She finally gets an appointment. They've been on the wait list a really long time, and she's so relieved because she wants to figure out what's going on, and she wants to be able to support her daughter in the way her daughter needs.
• 0:57
  Well, was blindsided. Instead of talking about her daughter, they kept grilling her about her homeschooling. So you homeschool. Oh, what's that like? Asking all kinds of questions, taking notes, pages and pages and pages of notes.
• 1:11
  The mom felt so uncomfortable. The notes were not about autism. They were about the homeschooling. And there was just this general skepticism and general guard, like she was somehow a red flag because she homeschooled. To the point where this mom left that appointment convinced that CPS was going to show up at her door, simply because she walked into the wrong place as a homeschool mom.
• 1:34
  I got one more for you. I wish I didn't. This other mom, these are true stories. She took her six year old for a follow-up appointment. Just a follow-up.
• 1:42
  He had hurt his finger and it was infected, so they lanced it. So they were just checking up to make sure everything was okay. The doctor walks into the room visibly angry. Her son, who's only six, starts asking the doctor about his stethoscope, and he's just really curious. He's a six year old, and the doctor snaps at him and says, you need to be quiet.
• 2:02
  I need to talk to your mom. Like, what even is that? This kid is six. Please. Then the interrogation started.
• 2:09
  Oh, yeah. How's he doing in school? Oh, he's homeschooled? He already knew he was homeschooled. Why can't you go to public school?
• 2:15
  You know, public school would really benefit him. On and on and on. And the mom, and I'm so proud of her, she finally says, we came here so that you could look at my son's finger. But then the doctor interrupts her and says, we'll get to that. But first, and then keeps going on the homeschooling.
• 2:30
  This mom told me that the room was so intense, she wanted to cry. And she said the doctor just kept looking at her like she was some sort of a monster for an infected finger for a follow-up appointment. That's it. These are real moms in the homeschool community who have been discriminated against simply because of their choice to homeschool their kids and because of other people's ignorance. Now, I wanna hear from you in the comments.
• 2:53
  Has this happened to you? Because we need to keep talking about it. This is real, and this is scary, and there is a power differential that causes this fear and this low grade anxiety that kinda hums underneath every new appointment when we're meeting a new provider. Every time someone in a position of power asks us about school or our kids. I have I didn't even include the stories today about how service providers interrogated children.
• 3:19
  Talk about despicable. And can we just acknowledge that this is not us being dramatic? We know how this can go. We've heard the stories, and some of us have lived them. And when you're sitting across the room from someone who has the power to make life very difficult, a doctor, an evaluator, a social worker, you feel it.
• 3:38
  It's a real threat. That power differential is real. They can document things. They can report things. Just one phone call, and your whole life could change.
• 3:47
  And it's so crazy because when I tell nonhomeschooling people about this fear that we have when we enter these places, they don't believe me. I have to explain it. How we brace, how we calculate, how we read the room, how we practice our elevator pitch for our homeschooling. It's ridiculous. And just hope that this person will get it or they won't start probing us.
• 4:08
  And if this has never happened to you as a homeschooler, I am so glad and I am thankful that you've never had to experience this. But just in case, today, I've got three things for you. Three things that you can do to take control of these situations starting now. And then I'm gonna tell you about something that I built free for homeschooling families nationwide. We love the word free, don't we?
• 4:30
  And it doesn't just solve this problem, it's becoming something way bigger. A way to find and support businesses that have raised their hands and said, I'm in your corner, or I was homeschooled myself, or I homeschool my own kids, and I have a business. I'm a photographer. I decorate cakes. I'm a realtor.
• 4:47
  All sorts of businesses and organizations ready to be found. And at the very end of today's show, stick around because I have got an incredible gift for you, something free from my shop. I've never done anything on this scale before. You are not gonna wanna miss it. So stick around.
• 5:02
  This might be one of the most empowering episodes I've ever done for homeschooling families. Alright. Welcome to the show. Hey, shout out to my husband's company, Summit HealthShare, who generously sponsors this podcast. If you are paying even a dime for traditional health insurance for yourself or for your employees, listen up.
• 5:32
  You may not be familiar with health sharing. Well, here's the short version. It's not health insurance, but it does replace it. It's a community of people sharing medical costs, and it's been around for over a hundred years. We switched to health sharing six years ago and immediately cut our health care costs by $1,000 per month.
• 5:50
  We were paying $2,000 a month, and it went down to $1,000. And with Summit HealthShare, most people save between 4060% of what they are currently paying. Just last week, Summit HealthShare saved a company $19,000 a year. And a super sweet young family of five, they saved $900 a month for better care. With Summit HealthShare, you can see any doctor you want, even holistic ones.
• 6:14
  There are no networks and no permission slips from insurance companies. On our plan for our family, we get free prescriptions, free labs, and no co pays. I know. The biggest comment they get is that it's too good to be true and that it must be risky for some reason, but it truly isn't. It's how health care actually should be.
• 6:32
  It's just society is used to paying way too much because of all the bloat. Okay. So if you are paying for or you have traditional health insurance, go to summithealthshare.com and take the savings calculator. It's right on the homepage. It takes less than two minutes.
• 6:46
  And when you see what you should be paying for the care that you need, you're gonna give them a call. And they are super nice. Bring all of your questions. They have heard it all. Go to summithealthshare.com and start saving today.
• 6:58
  Okay. Thank you so much to our sponsors. Welcome to the show today. If you are new here, hi. I'm Christy Faith.
• 7:05
  I'm an education and parenting expert, over twenty years in education. I am a homeschool mom of four, author of Homes Homeschool Rising, and what do I do? Well, I transform moms into homeschool powerhouses. This show is for moms who wanna get really good at their craft. I want your kids and your homeschool to be a raving success, and this is where it starts.
• 7:28
  Yay. My goal for us today on this episode is for you to leave feeling empowered. Knowing what to say when you are in sticky situations out in the wild when people start questioning you about your homeschooling. And also empowered with an amazing free resource that you might not know about yet for homeschooling families that I think is going to change everything. So stick around to the end, and I also have a pretty amazing free gift for you.
• 7:53
  So let's start with what you can do right now, specifically when you're dealing with doctors, therapists, or service providers. And I want you to know a term, and this term is power differential. It's real. Look it up. Fact check me.
• 8:06
  What I wanna talk about right now are those appointments where there is a significant power differential, where the stakes feel kinda high. So here is tip number one. Prescreen before you're even in the room. And here's what I do. I don't wait until I'm sitting across from someone to find out if they're going to be a problem.
• 8:25
  I call ahead. Sometimes when I'm booking an appointment, I just ask, hey, we're a homeschool family. Are you homeschool friendly? That's it. Just a simple question.
• 8:33
  When you pause, you'll start to get a feel because of the way they're gonna answer your question, and you learn so much by how they respond. And if that feels a little bit too confrontational for you, you can also simply ask, oh, hey. Do you have a lot of homeschoolers at your office? We're a homeschool family. And then pause.
• 8:49
  Even if it's an awkward pause, just pause. Let them talk. And they will talk, and you will get a feel very quickly. If there is a pause and if they get weird and if they say something like, oh, we treat all families the same here, you know that maybe they don't have a lot of exposure to homeschooling families, and that can tell you something. But if they say, oh, yeah.
• 9:08
  Absolutely. We have a lot of homeschooling families, or I homeschool my kids, or my sister homeschools her kids, and they're awesome and yada yada yada, then you know you're probably gonna enter a safe place. So that is tip number one. Prescreen. It's pretty simple before you even walk into those doors.
• 9:24
  Don't wait until you're in the room to find out what you're dealing with. The last thing I want for you guys is to walk into what feels like an ambush, and I get emails with nightmare stories about this very thing happening very often. On to tip number two, and that is play offense, not defense. So this is when you're in a situation where you are in the room, and sometimes you can't prescreen and call ahead. Right?
• 9:46
  Like, what if it's an ER situation? When you're faced with something like this, you can cut things off at the knees pretty easily. But before I tell you how to do that, the one thing that I want you to hear is that the data for homeschooling is on our side. Homeschoolers consistently outperform their peers academically, emotionally, and socially. So there is no reason why you have to feel cornered and defend yourself simply because the other person isn't aware of the data.
• 10:12
  And there are studies going on about homeschoolers all of the time. So make sure that you're walking into those doors knowing that. Right? Sit up straight. You're not doing anything wrong by homeschooling your kids.
• 10:22
  You're actually doing something right. You want something better for your kids. That's why you're doing this. And you're making a lot of sacrifices to make it happen too, mama. I see you.
• 10:30
  Right? I'm in there with you. So here's what I've learned. Most of us walk into these appointments kind of already bracing ourselves. We're waiting for that question.
• 10:39
  And then when it comes, so where does he go to school? Or, oh, did you just get out of school? What can often happen is we get small, and we are put in a position where we feel like we have to justify and explain. And sometimes we even start oversharing just because we're nervous. I don't do that anymore.
• 10:57
  Instead, I flip it. And sometimes I use a little humor. I let them know right off the bat that they're up against a pretty strong woman. Sometimes I find common ground, something that they will agree with. Like, when they ask about school, I'll say something like, oh, we homeschool.
• 11:10
  We love the lifestyle, and you just know how the school system is these days. You know? And you kinda like, yo, and they'll roll their eyes with you. They know it's bad. No one thinks it's good.
• 11:20
  But what happens is when you kind of preemptively strike like that, you're now on the same team, and they're nodding along. You can also be a little bit more direct. You can say, we homeschool. You're not gonna be one of those people who thinks we're a red flag, are you? I know.
• 11:33
  That's kinda gutsy. But when you do that, now they have to answer to you. And here's the psychology behind that. When someone says out loud, oh, no, of course not. Well, they're now committed.
• 11:43
  They've put themselves on record. So now it's gonna be much harder for them to turn around and act suspicious after they just told you that they are fine with it. And you're not really being confrontational, you're just being confident. And there's a difference. It puts you back in control of the conversation.
• 11:58
  So play offense, ladies. Don't play defense. You don't need to. Just go in a little bit prepared and you got this. Okay.
• 12:06
  So you've prescreened and you've played offense, but there's one more thing. And if you get this wrong, you're gonna leave that appointment feeling terrible. And I will tell you what it is right after this. Don't fast forward. I love our sponsors.
• 12:17
  Homeschooling for kids means I'm juggling roughly 24 different subjects at any given time. And a few years back during a particularly busy season, I hit a wall. I needed some serious help with the heavy lifting of teaching everything myself and managing schedules for four kids. That's when I found BJU Press Homeschool, and we've loved their courses so much that we keep going back. Some families use them for everything and love it.
• 12:40
  I use them for certain subjects. Either way, total mental load relief. Here's what my mornings look like now. Let us take science for example. My three girls do that one together.
• 12:49
  They fire up the lesson taught by a real teacher, well produced, actual teaching, not just click through busy work. And I sit there with my coffee, watch them, or make breakfast, and we discuss the big ideas. Every BJU Press homeschool course prioritizes critical thinking, a biblical worldview, and hands on learning. I just guide the conversation and pick which activity or pages or projects we want to do, and everything's already planned out. They have an online platform included for you called the homeschool hub, and it keeps everyone on track, both me and my kids, without micromanaging or nagging.
• 13:21
  And when I have questions, I call my homework's consultant. These people don't just help you get set up. They're available for you whenever you need them. It's like having a homeschool expert on speed dial. Go to bjupresshomeschool.com or click the link in the show notes to find out more.
• 13:35
  People are always curious what curriculum I use for my own family. And honestly, it changes. We've tried a lot over the years. Some work for a season and some completely miss the mark. But there is one that's stuck, CTC math.
• 13:48
  It's a full k to 12 online math curriculum and it's won oodles of awards for a reason. It's just that good. I use it for all four of my kids, and they couldn't be more different when it comes to math. Finding one curriculum that actually works for all of them, that's been nearly impossible. You know that pit in your stomach when you realize the curriculum that you invested in isn't working again?
• 14:11
  Yeah. That was us until this one. The genius behind CTC math is that it's adaptive. The questions adjust to each kid's level in real time, so they're always challenged but never crushed. And mama, it does the teaching and grading for us.
• 14:25
  Yes. You heard that right. That's a homeschool mom's dream. Well, especially for me when it comes to math. I would think it's too good to be true if I hadn't been using it myself.
• 14:34
  And it's not just me. Here's why it's become the go to for thousands of homeschool families. Free diagnostics show you exactly where to start, access to all grade levels so your student can fill in any gaps or move ahead, short video lessons that keep your children engaged, automatic grading with instant feedback, and progress reports so you know exactly what's happening without hovering. Math used to be our hardest subject. Now my kids do it independently.
• 15:01
  Here's the best part. Our listeners get 50% off. Use the link in the show notes to do a free trial or to get that half off deal. Don't spend another year kissing math frogs. This one stuck for us, and I have a feeling it's gonna stick for you too.
• 15:15
  Welcome back. Okay. Tip number three. Know what's in their lane and what isn't. This one's important.
• 15:21
  A pediatrician, for example, their lane includes your child's overall development, and they might ask about academics and how school is going. That is fair. That is within bounds for a wellness check. All the more reason to make sure your pediatrician is homeschool friendly. And I'm gonna show you in a minute here how to find the homeschool friendly ones.
• 15:40
  Hang tight. And this is a real story that I'm not gonna tell you, but for example, a GI doctor, a dermatologist, an orthopedic surgeon, a specialist you're seeing for an infected finger, school is not their lane. They have no business asking you about your curriculum, your schedule, your hours, your co op, or your reasons for homeschooling. That is not why you're there, and it's important that you know the difference. A mom told me once that her kid was interrogated at the GI doctor, and it wasn't even the kid that the GI doctor was seeing.
• 16:12
  It was a sibling. So here's what I want you to understand. When you're in a room with someone who has authority, like I mentioned earlier, that power differential, they're the expert. They have the credentials on the wall. They can document things.
• 16:26
  They can make referrals. And psychologically, that does something to us. I still get a little scared when I go somewhere new with my kids. And it's so easy to shrink and make ourselves small and overexplain and feel like we have to justify ourselves and our decision to someone who shouldn't have even asked, and you don't have to do that. When someone does step outside of their lane, you don't have to follow them there.
• 16:50
  Here's the thing. This is personal information. You don't owe them an explanation. And if you fall into over explaining, you're gonna feel so icky afterward. You'll be in the car replaying the whole conversation wishing that you hadn't said so much.
• 17:04
  So memorize a few statements and have them ready. Just stay calm, be confident, remember the data is on your side. We're here for blank issue. Let's focus on that, please. You can also say, I'm happy about where we are with homeschooling.
• 17:18
  I love the progress my children have made. Or you can say, we're thriving. Thanks for asking with a smile. Or and I love this one. This one's a little snarky, though.
• 17:26
  It would take too long for me today to go over the latest data on the failure of the schools and the raving success homeschooling. But I'd be happy to point you to some resources if you'd like. You can sit up tall, and it's okay to make them defend their view. Why are we always the one playing defense? You don't need to overexplain.
• 17:44
  You don't need to volunteer information that's not related to the appointment that you're at. You don't need to fill the silence with your justifications. You can just be calm and confident. It is okay for you to expect them to stay in their lane. Okay.
• 17:57
  So before we move on to the next thing, if you're new here and you're already a fan of the show, one of the things that helps our show reach far and wide is your engagement. And what I mean by that is liking, subscribing, sending to friends. What it does is it tells those little robots behind the screen that this show is worth listening to. And then the show gets pushed out, and it reaches homeschooling moms everywhere or maybe homeschool curious moms that are scared to start. So if you haven't already, please engage in some way.
• 18:27
  We thank you so much for that. It's just a small thing that you can do in the fifteen seconds that it's taking me to talk right now, but it is not small to us. We appreciate it so much. We are incredibly thankful. So please go ahead and do that right now while you're listening.
• 18:40
  Okay. So those are your three tips that you can do right now starting today to take back control and to feel more confident. But we're not even close to being done because I promised you a resource, and this is the part I am so excited about. And it is the faith list. Now the Christy faith list, I started out of necessity.
• 19:01
  It originally was just a list of service providers like doctors, therapists, dentists, people who wouldn't give homeschool families a hard time. And that's how this directory started. But then something happened. We started getting messages. Messages like this.
• 19:16
  Hey, I do estate planning and I'm a homeschool graduate. Can I be on your list? Or I'm an attorney, and I homeschool my own kids. Can I be on the list? I own a photography business, and I was homeschooled myself.
• 19:28
  Can I be on the list? I run a coffee shop, and I love working with homeschooling families and hiring homeschoolers to work in my coffee shop. Can I be on your list? People we never expected were raising their hands saying, I'm one of you. I wanna work with families like yours.
• 19:43
  And that's when it hit us. Our scrappy list of homeschool service providers needed to be so much more. Because as homeschool families, we don't just want to avoid bad experiences. We wanna find our people. We wanna give our business to people who get us.
• 19:59
  And on the other side, there's a whole economy of business owners and organizations and nonprofits, curriculum companies, homeschool grads, homeschool parents, people who believe in educational freedom. They wanted to find us and work with us, but they didn't have a way to find us until now. The Christy faith list isn't just a safety list anymore. It has become the homeschool economy. Organized, searchable, free to homeschooling families all in one place.
• 20:29
  You can search by category. You can search by location. Pediatricians, chiropractors, tutors, accountants, realtors, restaurants, coffee shops, you name it. If there's a business or organization who believes in homeschooling families, we want them on the list. Here's something I'm really proud of that was very hard to build, so listen up.
• 20:49
  The Christy faith list has a young entrepreneur program. If you've got a kid between the ages of 12 and 17 who runs a business, an Etsy shop, a lawn care service, a tutoring gig, whatever, they can apply and list themselves for free on the Christy Faith list. Free. We really wanted to support young homeschool entrepreneurs. We're so excited about this.
• 21:12
  We verify them, and then we support them, and then we put them in front of thousands of homeschooling families so you can support them too. It's so cool. This is what we're building, and it is all free to you. Okay. So that's the Christy faith list.
• 21:25
  Free nationwide, your people, but I'm not done yet. I told you at the beginning that I have a gift for you, and I meant it. I've never done anything on this scale before, and I can't wait to tell you about it. Stay with me. Is your child struggling with attention, memory, reading, writing, or math?
• 21:42
  If you're experiencing this, you know how heart wrenching it is to watch them face these hurdles. You've poured love, time, and attention into their education, yet the struggle persists, leaving you feeling stuck and desperately searching for answers. You guys, I want you to know about LearningRx, a proven program designed to help your child's cognitive skills, enabling them to think faster, learn more easily, and perform at their best. I'm talking getting real long term help here with things like ADHD and dyslexia. LearningRx is backed by thirty five years of research, and their results are transformative.
• 22:14
  Use code HOME 50 for $50 off your cognitive skills assessment. Go to learningrx.com or click the link in the show notes. Welcome back. Okay. Now for that gift that I promised you.
• 22:26
  Eek. I'm so excited. I don't think I'll regret this. I've never done anything on the scale before. I guess we'll find out.
• 22:32
  But here's the thing. The Christy faith list is the homeschool directory. There is nothing like it. No other directory connects homeschooling families with businesses and organizations who get them like this list. At this scale, honestly, and not just nationwide, but worldwide, these are your people.
• 22:51
  But not everyone knows about the Christy faith list yet, and we need your help to change that. And if there's one thing I know about homeschooling families is we like to share our amazing resources, and we like to take care of each other. We love to pass along names of good pediatricians and tell each other about the co op that's amazing and all of the things. We love sharing what we find. This is just that but bigger.
• 23:14
  There are businesses on this list right now who have raised their hand to support us, and they are ready to be found, and they want to work with homeschooling families. We want homeschoolers nationwide to know about this list, and here's how we're gonna do it. We're gonna give you $20 at my online shop if you tell 10 families about the list. But it gets even better because those 10 families are also gonna get $20 at my shop. It's something that'll probably take you under five minutes, but you'll be spreading the word about the homeschool economy that we're building.
• 23:46
  We're making it super easy for you to do. There's a link in the show notes, a very quick form. We don't have to write anything, and boom, you're gonna get your $20 at my shop. I'm so excited. I have such amazing unit studies and book studies on there.
• 23:59
  You're gonna love it. So go ahead and fill out that form, share with 10 homeschooling families, and we will send you and them a $20 gift card for my shop. This is how a movement starts. One mom tells another, who tells another, who then tells her co op, who then tells her Facebook group. That's what we hope will happen today.
• 24:17
  And then suddenly, we're not gonna be scattered anymore. We're gonna be connected. We're gonna be organized, and we're gonna be taking care of each other. And this is just another way to do what you already have been doing. I can't wait to see what happens when this community gets behind this.
• 24:31
  We have a link in the show notes so that you can access that form. This is so exciting. You have my heart.