Latest / Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET / Ep. #186 When Faith Is Strong but Your Nervous System Is Tired? w/Bethany Rose Crowe

Transcript

Ep. #186 When Faith Is Strong but Your Nervous System Is Tired? w/Bethany Rose Crowe · Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Kicking It with Kiki. Kicking It with Kiki.
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  Speaker 2: Kicking It with Kiki.
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  Speaker 1: Full of personality. Switching up the story. Line on God,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: we making history. Writing books, changing lives. One day at
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: a time. Put your problems to the side.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: Enjoy yourself.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Freeze your mind.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Kicking it with Kiki.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Hello and welcome back to another episode of Kicking It
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: With Kiki, Life, Love, and Mindset. I'm your host, Kiki Chanel.
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  Speaker 1: Around here, we talk about life, love, and mindset and
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  Speaker 1: everything in between. Today, I am joined with the host
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  Speaker 1: of Spiritual Growth for Christian Moms and a Spiritual Nervous
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  Speaker 1: System Coach. I also like to give my guests the
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  Speaker 1: opportunity to tell a little bit more about who they
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  Speaker 1: are and what they do. So I'm gonna turn it
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  Speaker 1: over to Bethany. Hi, how are you? Thank you for
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: coming to Kicking With Me.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you. I'm so happy to be here.
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  Speaker 1: Absolutely. So go ahead and tell the audience a little
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: bit about who you are and what you do.
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  Speaker 2: Well, like you said, I have a podcast. It's kind
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: of new. I was working full time until baby number three.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: And then I started to stay home. And that was
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: about three years ago. And the podcast is about a
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: year old. So I feel like God kind of told
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: me in a dream to do this. So I'm winging
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: it and I'm learning as I go. In that year's time, though,
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  Speaker 2: it did kind of shift. I was focused on Christian
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: moms and just spiritual journey and growth. But I have
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: kind of narrowed it more into a season of healing,
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: healing emotionally from trauma or emotional abuse or some type
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: of mental healing.
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  Speaker 1: I love that. I could talk about healing all day
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  Speaker 1: long because I've done the work. I've gone through my
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  Speaker 1: healing journey. It's still a journey, but I am so
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  Speaker 1: much farther than what I was before. Yes.
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  Speaker 2: I tell people all the time that I wouldn't call
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  Speaker 2: myself healed, but I'm probably like in the ballpark, but
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  Speaker 2: I don't think we're ever completely a hundred percent there.
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  Speaker 1: I agree. We talk a lot on this show about
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  Speaker 1: mindset and becoming aware of what's happening internally. And I
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  Speaker 1: think that your work brings another layer of, to this
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  Speaker 1: conversation because sometimes we can know what we believe, we
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  Speaker 1: can have faith, we can pray and still recognize that
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  Speaker 1: our body is carrying stress, anxiety, and feel overwhelmed. So
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  Speaker 1: we're going to go into the mindset moment where I
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: ask you some questions about when faith and feelings don't match. Yeah, absolutely.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
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  Speaker 1: Before you began helping other women with nervous system regulation,
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  Speaker 1: what happened in your own life that made you realize
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: this was something you needed to understand for yourself?
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  Speaker 2: So I was married to someone else. We were together
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  Speaker 2: for 10 years. And in that 10 years, that's the
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: dating and the marriage time period. I don't know. It wasn't.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: my healthiest lifestyle. It wasn't my healthiest mentally, physically time
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: of my life. We drank a lot. So I guess
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  Speaker 2: that's kind of what I mean by physically. It wasn't
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  Speaker 2: my healthiest mentally. All of that drinking brought up a
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  Speaker 2: lot of issues that happened to us. So there was
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: a lot of arguing in the marriage and some incidences
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: that happened and just not healthy. I didn't realize it
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: wasn't healthy. Now I realize it wasn't healthy. So I
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  Speaker 2: started getting panic attacks out of nowhere and didn't know why.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: And then I started getting anxiety so bad. And then
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  Speaker 2: God prompted me to leave my husband, which sounds opposite
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  Speaker 2: of what God would tell you to do. And I
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  Speaker 2: didn't understand that because it seemed conflicting because I did
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: grow up in a Christian home. So maybe I wasn't
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  Speaker 2: quite living that life, but I knew that Everyone says,
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  Speaker 2: you know, God doesn't like divorce. So why would I
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  Speaker 2: think God's telling me this? Well, turns out we were
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  Speaker 2: actually married because he was married to someone else that
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  Speaker 2: whole 10 years and just didn't tell me about it.
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  Speaker 1: Wow.
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  Speaker 2: So learning that kind of catapulted my anxiety and panic
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  Speaker 2: attacks even more. And then I left. Of course, no
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  Speaker 2: relationship like that is easy to break away from. So
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  Speaker 2: me saying I left. wasn't that simple I mean it's
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  Speaker 2: kind of like when you rip a piece of paper
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  Speaker 2: it never goes in a straight line you know it's
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  Speaker 2: all like so that's kind of how I left it
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  Speaker 2: took a while um but then I during my quote
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  Speaker 2: single mom era is what I refer to it as
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  Speaker 2: because I did have two kids two years old and
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  Speaker 2: one years old um and it was a messy it
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  Speaker 2: was messy I was messy everything about it was messy
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  Speaker 2: My anxiety got worse. My panic attacks got worse. I
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  Speaker 2: was getting sick all the time. My memory was horrible.
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  Speaker 2: I didn't trust myself. I didn't trust others. I cried
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  Speaker 2: all the time. Just all of these things that I
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  Speaker 2: didn't realize was a dysregulated nervous system, which is now
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  Speaker 2: what I realize. And I just had to work through
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  Speaker 2: it with surrounding myself with friends and family, but picking
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: and choosing the right people to surround myself with. I
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: really leaned on God. I went to a couple of
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  Speaker 2: different therapists and there were times I was on medicine
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  Speaker 2: like anti-depression or anti-anxiety and times I wasn't. But it
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  Speaker 2: was just a really messy healing journey of my own.
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  Speaker 2: And I learned lessons the hard way. So now that's
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  Speaker 2: what I want to help women do. So I told
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  Speaker 2: you I changed to healing. Well, it's still the nervous system.
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  Speaker 2: We're just regulating it so that you can heal. And
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  Speaker 2: I'm trying to help people learn the lessons I learned
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  Speaker 2: without it being as messy as it was for me.
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  Speaker 1: Absolutely. And there's always a message in the messy. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: And that's something I feel like we don't always realize
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  Speaker 2: until afterwards as well.
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  Speaker 1: You just took the words out of my mouth. Sorry.
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  Speaker 1: That's fine. At least they got said because I was
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  Speaker 1: just about to say that. So I love when God
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: aligns me with guests and we kind of finish each
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  Speaker 1: other's sentence not knowing because we just met. So we
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  Speaker 1: didn't discuss questions because I don't give them out. I
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  Speaker 1: like the conversation to flow and be authentic and not
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  Speaker 1: rehearse our practice or anything like that. And I think
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  Speaker 1: that most of us because I'm a woman of faith
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  Speaker 1: like you are a woman of faith, feel like we
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  Speaker 1: can have strong faith, but still not experience life because
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: life happens. We still experience anxiety and overwhelm and panic.
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  Speaker 1: Why do you believe that it's important for women to
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: understand that those things don't automatically mean their faith is weak?
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  Speaker 2: I think this might not be exactly answering the question,
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  Speaker 2: but I think I'll get there. I think going through
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  Speaker 2: those things, strengthens your faith so much it's like iron
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  Speaker 2: is that what they put in the fire is iron
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  Speaker 2: sharpen iron something needs to be put in the fire
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  Speaker 2: to made but be made better and it's like we
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  Speaker 2: may have faith and we may know all the answers
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  Speaker 2: but until we get put into a spot where we
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  Speaker 2: have to use the answers and use our faith and
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  Speaker 2: lean on our faith and really walk the walk we
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: we I think that's when it becomes real. And that's
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  Speaker 2: when it becomes like more of this is who I
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  Speaker 2: say I am versus this is who I am.
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  Speaker 1: I agree. And I think that as we grow in
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: our healing and go through our healing journey, those things
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  Speaker 1: help pave the way to the women that we are
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  Speaker 1: meant to become. And not just women, because we don't
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  Speaker 1: want to leave your men out because you guys have
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  Speaker 1: to go through a healing journey to to become the
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  Speaker 1: best version of yourself. And I think that as human beings,
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  Speaker 1: we should be ever evolving. We should always want to
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  Speaker 1: change and grow and become better and. Not understanding that
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  Speaker 1: some things are just going to happen. does a disservice
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  Speaker 1: to you thinking that you have it all figured out
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  Speaker 1: we we don't have it all figured out and I
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  Speaker 1: think that's the beauty of life to know that I
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  Speaker 1: don't have it all together but I am working so
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  Speaker 1: that I can try to pull it together in those
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  Speaker 1: times of anxiousness or panic or overwhelm you know all
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  Speaker 1: of those things that goes along with becoming who we
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  Speaker 1: are meant to be.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah Yeah, I agree. And it kind of takes weight
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  Speaker 2: off our shoulder too, to like, you don't have to
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  Speaker 2: have it all together. We're not going to have it
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  Speaker 2: all together.
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  Speaker 1: Right. And if you do like change your circle, like
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: get around some people that's been gone through some stuff,
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  Speaker 1: like for real. Cause it's like, what are you doing?
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  Speaker 1: Let us know. Final question of the mindset moment though.
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  Speaker 1: What belief did you personally have to change about yourself
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  Speaker 1: in order to stop simply surviving and begin finding peace?
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  Speaker 2: I had to really learn the importance of self-discipline. And
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  Speaker 2: it is now something that I think is very, very important.
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  Speaker 2: I think the Bible talks about it a lot in
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  Speaker 2: areas I didn't realize they talked about it. And it's
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  Speaker 2: kind of like an athlete, you know, that's going to
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  Speaker 2: go do some athlete thing. I don't know. It's a race.
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  Speaker 2: Let's say a runner. Okay. And they've got a race
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  Speaker 2: coming up. They can't just wake up one morning and
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  Speaker 2: go run the race. You know, they have to run
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  Speaker 2: a little bit each day and get further and further
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  Speaker 2: and push themselves each day. And then they have to heal.
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  Speaker 2: So maybe they can't run every day because they have
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  Speaker 2: to rest and heal their muscles. but then they keep
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  Speaker 2: going at it. And even taking that pause and healing
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  Speaker 2: takes self-discipline. And so to translate from that analogy to
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  Speaker 2: real life, it's like for me, when I started putting
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  Speaker 2: the self-discipline in, I was having panic attacks and anxiety.
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  Speaker 2: When I started putting self-discipline in to go to therapy,
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  Speaker 2: I didn't want to, but I did anyways. And to
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: actually do the things they suggested, I thought they were
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  Speaker 2: a load of crap, but I did them anyways. You know,
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  Speaker 2: like it's self-discipline to help yourself. It's self-discipline to take
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  Speaker 2: the steps that need to be taken. And it's self-discipline
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  Speaker 2: that I learned so much about the nervous system. And
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: then I practiced it. So breathing is a big thing
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  Speaker 2: that regulates your nervous system. Okay. So I learned that
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  Speaker 2: in the moment, take some deep breaths in the moment,
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: tap on your chest, do all of these things in
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: the moment. But then the moment comes and you just
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: have the panic attack and do the thing just like always.
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  Speaker 2: And it takes that self-discipline of remembering what you learned
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  Speaker 2: and putting it into practice. And then you practice it
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  Speaker 2: and practice it. Self-discipline, self-discipline. And then eventually it kind
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: of becomes more second nature. It becomes easier to do.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: And then you can help other people. And it's that
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: way with everything. Like for me, Yeah, it was the
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: things with the nervous system. For me, it was reading
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: my Bible. Self-discipline. Stop saying I want to do it.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Do it. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: You know, like stop saying I need to pray more.
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  Speaker 2: I'm going to pray more and do it. It's that
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  Speaker 2: jump from like thinking about it to actually doing it.
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  Speaker 2: And I think that's self-discipline.
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  Speaker 1: It totally is. I get it. Because one of the
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: most personable things that I can do for myself is
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: have a personal relationship with God. That is like the
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: best relationship that I need to have in my life.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: Love my kids, love my husband, love my family, but
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: God comes first, right? And so I made a decision
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: because I wasn't reading the word like I used to.
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  Speaker 1: Last year, I'm going to read every night before I
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: go to bed. Now, when I don't have the moment
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  Speaker 1: to read, I'm just thrown off like my night. I
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: don't I don't think I sleep as well as I
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: would if I don't like if I would have read.
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  Speaker 1: But it's about make like you said, making the decision
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  Speaker 1: and doing it. Don't just talk about it. Be about it.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: Yes, I completely agree. And, you know, when I did
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: make those things, I have it. So like reading the Bible,
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: for example, when I did make that a habit. The
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: days I don't do it for me, my kids are magnets.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: There are three magnets on me at all times. So
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: I try, I try to get up early, but then
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: they realized I got up early and now they're getting
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: up early with me. So I might have to change
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: up my routine now, but the days it doesn't happen.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: I'm grumpier. I lash out more. I feel like I'm
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: like longing for something. And then it clicks like, oh yeah,
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: I'm longing for Jesus. He made me. made me with
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: this desire to long after him thankfully I know what
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: that longing is like some people have not figured that
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: out yet with the longing is but yeah okay so
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: I'll be right back I need to go.
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  Speaker 1: Spend some time with Jesus yes absolutely I totally agree
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  Speaker 1: I totally agree and it's nothing like it is like
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  Speaker 1: you feel so invigorated after the fact and I talk
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: to God all day And I'm like, I know he's like, OK,
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: here go Kiki again. What is what she want now? But,
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: you know, that's just that's just how it goes when
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: I live my life the way that I live it.
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  Speaker 1: And so I want to go into the reality check.
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  Speaker 1: Are you living in survival mode? Because we hear the
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: phrase survival mode all the time. What does survival mode
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  Speaker 1: actually look like in every day, especially for a mother
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: who may not even realize she's operating from that place?
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  Speaker 2: I did mention a couple of these already, but hang
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: on before I answer that. I want to go back
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: to you saying, us saying that we felt different when
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: we didn't read the Bible. I Googled this once and
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: I just now Googled it super quick because I can't
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: remember things. I can't remember what I had for breakfast.
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  Speaker 2: But those people that say they read the Bible four
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: times or more a week, loneliness drops by 30%. Anger
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: drops by 32%. Bitterness drops by 40%. Alcoholism by 57%.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: And there's a lot more. Faith sharing drops by 200%. Man,
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  Speaker 2: like Google literally just gave me a whole list. I
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: won't read them all, but it's maybe if you're listening,
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: you should Google what happens if you read your Bible
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  Speaker 2: every day.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. Thank you for that information. See, we're giving all
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: kinds of information. Bethany is sharing. Go Google it and
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: see what she just said. Because it's important. When you
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: make something a priority in your life, when you don't
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: have those things that you've become accustomed to, it does
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: alter your life in some form. Yeah. So, yeah. We're
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: going to talk about the survival mode because we sometimes
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: find ourselves in it subconsciously, not realizing until we're there. Like, oh, wow, wow.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: I can't believe that I did that or I'm operating
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: like that. So... What does survival mode actually look like
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: in everyday life, especially for a mother who may not
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: even realize she's operating from that place?
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: Oh, it can look like a lot of different things.
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  Speaker 2: I'm just, for the sake of today's episode, I'm just
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: going to use myself as an example. So way back
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: in my single mom era, mine was looking like memory loss,
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: which I already mentioned. Okay, we'll use my own. personal
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: life as an example here. So back in my quote, quote, unquote,
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: single mother phase, that's when my anxiety and panic attacks
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: were heightened at the most. Well, those two things right there,
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: an example of a irregulated nervous system. That's all kinds
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: of out of whack, but also I was getting sick
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: a lot. I got a strep throat like three or
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: four times. I got cold sores for the first time
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: in my life. Like, I was never feeling good. I
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: was really dizzy. My limbs would go numb. I thought
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: I had MS and then they, they sent me to
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: a neurologist and they're like, Oh no, that's just panic
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: attack anxiety. That's a result of a dysregulated nervous system. Um,
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  Speaker 2: I went to the ER a couple of times too,
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: cause I thought it was a heart attack, but that's
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: part of a panic attack is just, but, um, I
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: was snappy with my kids, which that kind of still
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: happens now if I get dysregulated. I would cry or
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: be more emotional. Now I will be grumpier. I just
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: kind of not as happy with the way I performed
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: today or the way my attitude was today. And it's
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: dysregulated nervous system or I'll feel like antsy. If that
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: makes sense, like I'm kind of just unsettled and that now.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: that I'm more a little bit under control with my
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: panic attacks and anxiety. Now, now that's kind of how
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: it results and comes out and it comes out in
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: so many different ways. And, you know, the nervous system
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: affects every other system in our body, every other system
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: in our body, even our brain function. And even like
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: after baby number three, sorry, if this is TMI, it's not,
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: I'm an overshare. I had to get pelvic floor therapy
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: because it was just a lot of pressure. And one
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: of the things we worked on, this is physical therapy.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: One of the things we worked on was regulating your
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: nervous system. Like everything comes back to regulating your nervous system.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: Right. And it's amazing how everything ties back to that.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: And majority of the things that you've described is what
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: I'm going through right now because I'm in perimenopause. And
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: it's like, I did not sign up for this.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: So to anybody that's feeling those things, get with Bethany.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: She knows how to help you get through it because
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: she's had to help herself get through it. So all
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: of her information will be included in the show notes.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: And we're going to move into the action step segment,
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: creating peace in real life. So I like to give
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: like something practical that the listeners can do like starting today.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: So for someone listening who realizes, I think I have
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: been living in survival mode. What is one simple thing
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: he or she can begin doing today to help their
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: body recognize that it is safe?
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: I like that you said the words, it is safe.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: Because that's something, another trick is to literally say out
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: loud to yourself, I am safe. I am safe because
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: what happens when you're in fight or flight mode, when
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: your nervous system's dysregulated, you it's you're can't tell the
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: difference than if you were with a bear in the woods.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: So it is like your brain's really dramatic and thinks
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: you're dying. So I like that you said I am
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: safe because that's quite literally something you could do. I
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: think if I had to narrow it down to an
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: action step, just an easy baby step, it would be first,
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: Pay attention this week. Pay attention to how you're reacting
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: to things and maybe if you do nothing but react.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: Like you can go about your day and just acting,
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: not reacting, if that makes sense. And just notice how
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: you're reacting. Are you frazzled? Are you angry? Are you upset?
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: all the time and when these things happen okay so
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: first step is just noticing that they happen then if
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: your nervous system needs regulated your vagus nerve and your
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: brain needs triggered and just some easy ways to trigger
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: them or like I just said you can say I
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: am safe but there's grounding tapping which I do this
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: all the time my husband calls me out on it
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: because he knows like I'm over there on the couch
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: doing this um I usually try to do skin on
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: skin so I have to like pull my collar down
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: and just tap along my collarbone while I take deep breaths.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: And there are several different kinds of deep breathing, but
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: my favorite kind is what I refer to as belly breathing.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: So when you just breathe normal, you're kind of breathing
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: from your chest and your chest goes up and down,
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: but this breathing, I want your stomach to come out
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: and in. So when you inhale, you're like expanding your
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: stomach as wide as it'll go. And then when you exhale,
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: you're making your stomach go in like almost like concave.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: It almost makes me lightheaded if I do it too long.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: So between realizing what's happening, realize like I'm just not right.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of just jumbled right now.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: So realize that and then just try the tapping and breathing.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: If you need to walk away from whatever you're doing,
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: go ahead. When I worked full time, I used to
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: have to go in the bathroom and do it. I
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: would do the tapping and breathing and then I'd do
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: five pushups on the wall and I'd just pretend I
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: was going potty, but I was actually regulating.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. And see, for me, I,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: I miss with my ears. I play with my ears
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: to calm down and it works. I don't know if
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: it's a soothing thing. I don't know, but I do it. Yeah.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: It's the same idea. And there's lots of little tiny
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: tricks like that. And you can, look them up or
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: like you said, I can work with you and help you.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: But yeah, if I had to just say, let's start
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: this week, that's an easy place to start.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: Right. Absolutely. I love that. When life is still demanding
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: because we can't always remove a stressor, how can we
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: learn to respond differently? instead of immediately reacting from overwhelm.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: And I think you kind of touched on it, just
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: practice some of those techniques and stuff like that. But
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: if you had to give another tip outside of that,
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: what you just said, what would it be for that
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: particular question?
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: At the risk of sounding like a Sunday school answer, Jesus.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: So actually, I just was recording an episode for my
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: own podcast today. And I use this as an example
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: and it's kind of coming to my mind right now again.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: And so I'm just going to say it. I think
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: the way we're reacting, you're right. We can't remove the stressors.
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: You know, maybe it's an ex-narcissist that you don't have
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: out of your life because you share kids together or
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: you're still in that relationship or it's a boss or
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: a parent or your kids. You know, you're right. We
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: can't remove the stressor, but instead of us just trying
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: on our own strength to change ourselves and fix ourselves,
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: like it's like a check box and we're just marking it,
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: that's exhausting. And we can't keep that up forever. But
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: like God works from the inside out. So if we
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: kind of just give it to him and say, Lord,
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: change this, change this inside of me so that it
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: overflows with goodness. And this is the example I used today.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: I was talking about something else, but let's just say
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: we have a cup of like cloudy water, okay? And
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: then Jesus comes in with crystal clear water and pours
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: it into the cup. That cloudy water is eventually gonna
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: come up, come up and spill out. But then as
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: he keeps pouring it, all the cloudy stuff spills out
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: and it's crystal clear water just flowing out of us.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: Because what we're pouring in is Jesus's strength. Jesus is
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: redemption and grace. And that's what's pouring out of us then.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: So we can't remove the stressors, but how we react
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: to the stressors becomes different because now it's Jesus pouring
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: out of us versus we could go the other way
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: and you're cloudy water and you're pouring Pepsi in there.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: Eventually the Pepsi is going to come out and that's
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: just gross and sticky and going to get the floor
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: all sticky, you know?
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: Right. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And I don't know who you
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: believe in, you know, listeners, but I would suggest just
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: try it. Try talking to God. Just have a conversation.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: And that's all prayer is, is having a conversation with God.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: Just talk out loud. Sometimes you can say it, you know,
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: inside too, but get in the quiet place and talk
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: to God. And I promise you, you will feel so
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: much better than when you got to that place because
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: anxiety happens. Stress happens. I have a high school senior
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: this year and he is 17. I'm stressed all the time.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: It's like subconsciously, it's like, okay, he's driving now. He's
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: getting ready to go off to college. We just started
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: applying for college. It's like, oh my God, here we go.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: Because my age gap is 12 years between my kids.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: So Leah, we've done this before. Now it's like starting
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: all over again. So I'm like, oh, help me. That's
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: all I can say. So you're not alone. This happens.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: It's better than the alternative because we know the alternative
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: to anything that is not life is what? No longer
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: being here. And we all want to be here as
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: long as we are able to be here. Bethany has
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: given some great tips and we are about to ask
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: her if someone is listening and they would like to
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: work with you or find out more about your work,
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: what you do, your podcast, anything that you would like
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: to share. Go ahead and tell that, drop that in
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: the episode today and I will have all the information
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: listed in the show notes for you guys too.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: My website is bethanyrose.net backslash herhealing. And there you can
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: find links to the podcast episode, links to get on
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: my Facebook group and email list. And then you also
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: can find a link for my coaching, which is narcissistic
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: healing coaching. Like I said, it started out just kind
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: of spiritual growth, but God's kind of switched my directions
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: a little bit. It all still is nervous system related
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: and it is very faith based.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. Go ahead.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: And then, yes, I have a link to the podcast
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: on there, but you can find the podcast Her Healing
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: Season anywhere you can find podcasts.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: All right. All of this will be in the show notes, guys.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: So go ahead and check out Bethany and see if
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: it's a good fit. See if you can work together
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: and figure out some nervous system regulation for you to
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: overcome some of the things that you're facing and become
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: the better version of yourself. So we're going to go
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: into the mic drop moment. So I'll show some questions.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: No thinking about it. I just need the first answer
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: that comes to mind.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: You know, I do this to people and I get
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: a kick out of it, but it's not so much fun. Okay.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: I'm tapping.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: I'm ready. Okay.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: What is something about peace that you had to learn
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: the hard way?
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: About peace? Um, That it doesn't come from stuff. I
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: love stuff, but it does not give you peace.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: I agree because I had to cut myself off from
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: shopping because I was shopping a lot. Like if I
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: feel stressed or something, it's like I got to go.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: It was like I was very broke, but every single
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: shopping cart online was so full. And then I don't know,
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: a really bad day. I might click pay. I don't know.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: Right. I'm glad that I'm not the only one.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: Me too. I'm actually very glad I've had to delete
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: apps and I've even had to delete Amazon app because
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: it'll just get me. sales are like the end of.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: Me yes yes I did a shopping fast we did
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: a 21 day fast for church and that was my
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: my thing like you have to give up something I
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: gave up shopping and I'm better I did not realize
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: how addicted to it I was until I was like
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: oh I can't buy that oh just put it in
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: the cart oh no I can't buy it and I
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: almost I almost slipped and was like you know buy
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: now And then I'm glad that I had took all
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: my credit cards off. And so it was like the
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: payment didn't go. Oh, thank you.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: Cause I would have. So yeah, that's a wise idea.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: So you're not alone. If you're listening, you are not alone.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: It happens to the best of us. I love that. Okay. Okay.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: What is one belief you hope every overwhelmed mother stops carrying?
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: One belief that every overwhelmed mother stops hearing that you
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: have to do it all, that you have to be
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: it all. That's a lot of weight to put on
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: our shoulders. And there's already a lot of weight on
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: our shoulders. Like just being a mom in general causes
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: a lot of like expectations and things soak up our energy.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: And I just feel like, Seeming like you need to
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: do it all and have it all and be it
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: all is just setting ourselves up for failure because we can't.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: Exactly. You don't have to. Nine times out of ten,
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: if we're doing it all, we have not asked for help.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: And if you have a partner or kids that's older
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: that can help out with younger kids, if you never
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: ask them, how do you know if they're going to
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: say yes or no?
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and we might have this expectation like you don't
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: want to ask because you just think you need to
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: do it all. And I'll fall into this trap sometimes too.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: But that's just, I don't know, it's just carrying something
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: we don't need to carry. We've got other things to carry.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: Yes. Yes, absolutely. All right, finish the sentence. I knew
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: I was no longer just surviving when... I felt.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: I love that word. That's like one of my favorite words.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: It is.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: It was really hard for me to just stop at
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: one sentence. Yes. I love that.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: Okay. So last question.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: When life challenges you and love stretches you, what mindset
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: keeps you grounded?
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: I'm. leaning back on my faith here, but it is
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: that God does not leave us or forsake us. And
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: in those times when we're busy or we're sad or
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: mad or stressed, he's still there. He is in every
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: little detail playing in your life, whether it's good or bad.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: We just, a lot of times can't see it in
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: the moment or can't see it if we're super stressed,
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: but he is, he's in every detail.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: Absolutely. So yeah, You talk about combining scripture with nervous
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: system practices. How do those two work together instead of
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: making a woman feel like she has to choose between
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: her faith and practical tools?
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: So, you know, the breathing that I told you, it
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: could take a five breaths. Well, what I teach in
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: my coaching program is to do that. But on the exhale,
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: we say a Bible verse. And you know what? If
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: you're new to this and you don't have one memorized,
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: we exhale and say, God is good. We exhale and
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: say some truth about God that we know. And then
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: I encourage you to memorize Bible verses. But if you can't,
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: I'm somehow I don't I just can't memorize anymore. I
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: would hate to ever go back to school right now
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: because I would just would fail. So I have and
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: I and I have ever since I started this healing journey,
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: I just put sticky notes or notepads or index cards.
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: That's what I wanted. of Bible verses all throughout my house.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: I mean, they're just handwritten and taped, nothing fancy. And
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: I change them out every couple of months and I
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: change them out based on what I'm going through. And
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: I change them out based on the truths about God
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: that I need to know, or the truths about myself
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: that I need to know. So it kind of is
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: dual ended there because not only do I put the
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: work into you finding all the Bible verses and finding
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: what the truths are, but then also it's hanging up.
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: So the way we connect to them would be just
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: a simple exercise. Like I told you with the tapping
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: and the breathing, but on the exhale, we're saying something.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: You have like a note in your phone. If we're
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: at work and we're hiding in the bathroom. Okay. Just
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: on the exhale, read that note that's in your phone,
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: that Bible verse that says, be still and know that
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: I am God quick and easy, you know, something like that.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: And that's how we kind of tie the two together
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: for a quick exercise.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: I absolutely love that. And I'm going to, I'm going
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: to steal it for myself because I love it. And
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: I have like this little, this little jar that one
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: of my best friends gave me. And it says, read, pick,
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: you know, pick one out and read it when you're
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: feeling a certain way. So they're color coded. And if
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: you feel in this way, you just pick that color
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: and it has a Bible verse on there to help you.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: I really like that.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: And that's another thing, if you made it just the
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: time it took to make it and the effort, it'd
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: also be going in your brain that way too. So
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: it's like going in your brain two different ways.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: Right, absolutely. Well, Bethany, thank you for this conversation and
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: coming to kick it with me today. It has been
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: a pleasure. Are there any last words of encouragement or
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: empowerment that you would like to leave with the listeners today?
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: Just that if you're listening and you feel like, life's
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: heavy right now, or it's hard for you to think
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: about the next step or what it looks like on
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: the other side of this, because you're just so in
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: the thick of it. You're not alone. There's a lot
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: of women that are either in that or have been
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: through it. And it's so important to seek out even
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: just listening to this podcast, you know, you're listening to
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: someone that's been through it. So that is helpful. And
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: like baby steps, you know, just don't let yourself get
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: wiped out and no help at all. Like keep your
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: hand above the wave so someone can see you. Right.
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: And also you are just awesome. And I'm so glad
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: you've had me here.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Same. I feel a kindred spirit. So thank
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: you for being here. So everyone who is listening, pay
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: attention to yourself. Give yourself grace and also give yourself
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: permission to slow down. You don't have to have it
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: all together. You know, just show up every day. If
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: you have to take a moment and pause, do that. Okay?
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: You will be better from it. You don't want to
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: flash out or crash out. It's easy to do. Trust me,
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: I've been there. And I had to tell myself when
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: I was going through my healing journey that If it
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: does not affect my life 10 minutes from when it
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: actually found itself bothering me, let it go.
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: That's a good rule.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: Let it go. Because we have so much other stuff
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: that's way more important than the small things. I think
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: that each person should at least try to go through
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: some form of healing journey, whether it's starting with the
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: Bible verses, writing affirmations, saying thank you every day, having
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: an attitude of gratitude, you will be amazed at how
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: much different you start to look, mind, body and spirit.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So until next time, keep choosing growth, keep choosing
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: you and keep your mindset in check. This has been
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: another episode of Kicking It With Kiki, Life, Love and Mindset.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: I am your host, Kiki Chanel. We have been joined
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: with Bethany Rose Crowe. And all of her information is
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: in the show notes, guys. I am back every Thursday
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: with a new episode on all major podcast streaming platforms,
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: as well as YouTube. So make sure you go on over, like, share,
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: tell a friend. And if this episode resonated with you,
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: go ahead and let us know. Send an email to
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: kickingitwithkikimedia at gmail.com and we would love to hear from you.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: So until next time, purple hug. See you later. She
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: can live with Kiki.
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: She can live with Kiki.