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Transcript

The Community · System Speak: Complex Trauma and Dissociation

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Over:
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the System Speak Podcast, a podcast about Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to long time listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Hi everyone. Guess what? We did a thing. Listen. I'm excited to see your faces because some of you I know your names from emails and you're real people.
• 1:14
  Thanks for not catfishing me on my podcast. So a shout out to everyone who's real. Okay so first let me back up and explain a little bit because this is super exciting as in the most excited we have been in a long time. We have started an actual online community. So many people have asked us and so many people have written in asking for safe places and we're really just in a place where we want to be proactive and use our agency and create goodness in the world somehow and the podcast is scheduled out through the rest of the year And so we really have the summer off from the podcast, but the children are also done with homeschool for the year.
• 2:10
  And so it is the June and the pool is even up for the children. And so we have, dare I say it, a little bit extra time with which we want to just play and see what good we can do with that time. And so we have unveiled a bit of a surprise if you have noticed the updates on the website. We have added links to the community, which will take you to this platform that we have created for listeners of the podcast. It runs like most any other social media.
• 2:52
  So for example, you have a timeline, I have a timeline, everyone can see my timeline. If we follow each other, if we want to, then you can see each other's timelines, we can share, we can create it safely, we have a good motto about being kind and respectful, we just want to keep it safe and simple. You can share pictures, you can share links, you can do all the things that you would usually do on a social media platform, right? Except that it is not associated with like Facebook or something. It is a completely separate thing all on our own, our own private network for the podcast.
• 3:37
  And we could not be more excited. As part of that, we have opened up five groups that people can choose to join if they want to participate at an extra level under specific topics or certain groups, right? And then we are also offering monthly meetups and different classes that you can see on our website on the events page. I know how exciting is this! It's kind of a big deal.
• 4:09
  It's a huge step for us, but we have tried so many times to be on social media safely and it just has not been working. And so we just decided we're tired of having to quit social media because it wasn't safe and we'll just create our own safe platform where we can be safe and still express ourselves in those ways, but a little more protected. And so we are super excited. And there was a small group of people who noticed the changes right away. They were just paying attention, I guess, or got invited by us to start just to try out the features and see how it works and what it's like.
• 4:52
  And then we tried out the feature of having the monthly meetup just to see sort of how that worked with the Zoom link and how to get it connected to the website and to make sure everything went smoothly and kind of try out everything for a couple days or a week or so. And then we talked about it. And that's what this meeting is about. They were such good sports people.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: Is this working now? Hi Lisa! Yes. It's Lisa. Holly.
• 5:20
  Hi. Holly Pants. I'm
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Hi, Holly's been on an episode. You were so brave, Holly. Thank you. Thank you for having your birthday party to help us not lose all those episodes that were about to be deleted. That was sweet of you.
• 5:43
  Well, good morning.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: Good morning. Good morning. Good morning.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: You're so brave. I'm so excited. So here's the thing. I know it's a little bit out of the blue because I know the podcast is a little bit behind, like, real life, but we're actually in a really good place right now. So I hope we don't mess it up by doing all of this.
• 6:06
  But, like, I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of waiting to be better. I'm tired of waiting for there to be more resources. I'm tired of waiting for there to be more help for more people. So we're just gonna do it.
• 6:21
  We're just gonna do it. I I think that if people are good and kind, which I believe that we are, that we can be safe for each other and mature enough to care well for ourselves while connecting with others. But if there's anything we've learned over the last year or two years, it's about how, like, healing comes through connection. Right? So if we've learned that healing comes connection, then the next step naturally is learning how to connect.
• 6:55
  So I am also terrified. I get it. But, hopefully, this is one way. We'll try it out. If it doesn't work, if it's not helpful, that's fine.
• 7:05
  But if it does help and if it is useful, then maybe we can build something nice together and support each other a little bit. This is with the research we've done, this is the safest and most secure way that we are able to set things up, which is why we've done it this way. But that still doesn't, like, prevent someone from screenshotting or something. And and so, again, still just be wise and protect yourself, of course. But, hopefully, people will choose wisely.
• 7:44
  But I know from doing the podcast that it doesn't matter, like, how careful you are. There will still be scary people out there, and that's unfortunate that not everyone chooses wisely or good. So number one is safety. Of course, keep yourself safe. But in that context, I'm excited to try this out, see what we think, and make some decisions about what we can offer, how we can help, or what you all need or if it's worth it or not or if you already listened to us so much, you're over it.
• 8:20
  So we we can talk about all of that. But what do you think so far? You really are the first people. Welcome to my life. This is how it goes.
• 8:34
  So, anyway, number one, keep safe. Absolutely. Don't share anything that you're not comfortable sharing, of course. And if you ever are feeling uncomfortable or have concerns, then share it. But I think that if we are connecting and healing in safe ways, then we can have it be a safe place.
• 8:57
  But I I I'm not naive about it. Having run groups before and having seen what is out there without naming any names or groups or platforms or anything, it some of it's overwhelming and not not safe or healthy, really. I don't know what you've seen or experienced, but so we'll see how it goes, especially if it grows more, what that will look like or not. But that's our goal is just to keep it safe and supportive. So those of you who have gotten either heard from me about it or heard about it because you're actually listening to the podcast so you heard us change the intro or saw the website so kudos to you all for paying attention because you're the only ones who noticed.
• 9:46
  We haven't announced it yet. So you're like the prequel of the excitement. You you win prizes. I I don't know what your prizes are yet, but you win prizes. So what do you think?
• 9:59
  Now that you've been on the platform a little bit and in the community a little bit, what do you think about it so far? What's good? What's hard? What's not working? Like, we had to change our notifications really fast.
• 10:11
  But other than that, what else have you noticed?
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: Okay. Hey, everyone. It's Lisa Dee. First off, has this been really exciting. I feel like I get to communicate with friends.
• 10:29
  I know we've never met, but we've all kind of interacted through the email podcast episodes. And I think it's just really exciting to have a oh, no. Sorry. I thought you were loud. Lighting, though.
• 10:44
  It's just been really good so far, and I hope that everyone continues what you've just said to be safe. And so remember not to post anything you would want out in the public anyways, even if we're, like, being safe and whatnot. Just I don't know. I wanna be safe, and I wanna be helpful, and I wanna be supportive, and I just wanna say thank you. So that's all.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Oh, totally agree with that. I feel like we're in a place of wanting to be proactive somehow. Like, I'm tired of waiting around for stuff good to happen. Hello, Kim. So so I agree with what Lisa said, and what's been fun is people direct messaging me about each other.
• 11:24
  Like, it's okay to talk to each other if you want to. Some of you are recognizing each other either from episodes or, like Lisa said, the email episode, some of you who email a lot. And so that's been funny to put faces together. What else have you noticed or helping or not?
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: I like the topic that you can post kind of according to topic so you can read that particular topic instead of all of them at once because I noticed when I changed my notifications, I wasn't getting everything at one time. So then once I read the ones that I wanted, I could go back to all of the other stuff afterwards. So I really like that part.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: Are there topics you would add, Kim, or is it enough as
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: to Not right now. Right now I'm good. Right now, like, I like them because they're like, they I feel like they're right, they're right in line with what we already talked about kind of on the podcast, partners, association. So for me, I'm okay. I don't know if anyone else would want something, but I'm good with the, I think I'm on the three topics right now, like the nerd town and then the partners and the other.
• 12:30
  So yeah, I really love that. I think my favorite thing about the platform is that I can kind of stagger it the way I want so that it works for me and I'm not overloaded, I'm not overwhelmed, and can I just see what I wanna see? And then when I'm ready, I can go back and look at the other stuff.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Is it user friendly enough for you, Kim?
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it is pretty simple. I like that I don't have to go to a whole bunch of places to get what it is that I am looking for. I know kind of exactly where to go. And even if I didn't, the search bar, I mean, that kind of solves it all at the end of the day. If I don't feel like doing that, can just search for what I want.
• 13:06
  So I think it's navigation friendly for me. And I'm not tech savvy. So if it's easy for me, it's probably, it should be probably easy for other people. I don't know what I'm doing.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: Cam, when you say you're not tech savvy, I'll never forget that you recorded that podcast episode with me three times because we had that technology drama three times. I'm so sorry. We're we don't we don't know
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: what we're doing. We're just
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: up here. We're just we're we're just floating around. We don't know. You were so kind.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: Anybody else? What are you noticing? Or
• 13:41
  Speaker 5: I was just gonna piggyback on what Kim was saying. I think that the I'm not technologically savvy. Facebook is not something I'm good at following. Instagram confuses me. I don't know when I'm messaging someone or not, and I think that it was fairly intuitive to follow the the platform as well as to, like Kim said, to just kind of hone in on what was what I wanted to look at so it wasn't overly visual wasn't visually over stimulating at the same time.
• 14:12
  I also like that we can share like resources and pictures and that's really fun because I think as we're all going through our healing journeys, that it's nice to be able to share certain books or workbooks or memos or pictures or things like that that are kind of a snapshot of our reality with others and feedback in real time about where others are experiencing this, like, idea or thought in their life as well, or if they are. So I think it's really fun. I like it too. It's I
• 14:48
  Speaker 6: think it's a great platform. It's easy to navigate. One
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: thing
• 14:53
  Speaker 6: I think is helpful is that the members that have the designation of their diagnoses or that their support person or clinician, I think that's really helpful because you can kind of, you know, get an idea of who the people are, the groups that they're in. And also, I still need to update my bio, but there's an opportunity, you know, to have a and so that we can know a little bit about the person. It shows where the person's from, which is nice in case you find someone that actually lives near you. So I think it's a helpful platform the way it's laid out. And this group just feels like a group that might be more reliable than what you might find in some of these just open Facebook platforms where you don't know who's in there.
• 15:45
  And I think, you know, the the common connection to Emma in this podcast tells me that the people in this group are kind of on the same page as I am in terms of what they're interested in, how they're they're looking at healing, what matters to them. It just feels like a more reliable group based on that.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: Aw, well making me cry is cheating. It's not fair. It's too early in the day, my friend. So I don't know if you could feel the energy, but it was so exciting to get to see everyone's faces that I know their names as supporters of the podcast or as emailing into the podcast. And to get to meet them and see them was really fantastic.
• 16:31
  It was very exciting to get to see their faces and you heard some of the things that they shared about getting to know the platform and learning their way around, that it's pretty user friendly and it's pretty simple, that has some neat features and really is starting to help us feel connected to each other at a whole new level. In color.
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: Holly, I agree with what you said. I feel the same way. I I'm emotional too, but I just had to jump in. I feel like it is, like, a more reliable group. And because I'm in an an a group on Facebook, and I mean, they're cool and everything, but, yeah, this just it feels different in in its own way.
• 17:17
  So and I've only been here a short time, so I agree. So let the waterworks begin.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: Well, and I don't at all mean any disrespect to any other groups, and I don't at all mean to compete with any other groups. I know that they all serve their purpose. We used them, especially when we first got diagnosed, just to learn what all the different words mean and how things work. But we've also seen a lot of trauma drama, and for us, it's not helpful. But that really depends on the people participating, and I feel like, or I hope, that with the podcast, it already has a particular audience interested in just healing.
• 17:59
  Not that things like identity or expression or the present moment of the struggles are not important. We obviously went through that last year, year and a half, and got super vulnerable with the podcast because it was either that or not be here or not have a podcast. And if the struggle is part of it, then that's absolutely valid. But holding on together through a struggle is different than only struggling to struggle or being sick because that's where you wanna stay. And and so I without any judgment or disrespect to other groups, I hope that that kind of is already the field, that it's safe.
• 18:44
  We've had podcast guests that we disagreed with, that we didn't necessarily even enjoy the interview or sometimes had to work really hard at editing to make something presentable, or even only two clinicians that we've ever interviewed, we weren't even able to air the interview. And so I hope that, like, even that modeling, like how do you work through that? If there is a problem of like, and there will be just because there's so many different people plus, you know, people. There will be not necessarily conflicts or something, but different opinions and different perspectives, and that's important. But we can navigate those things in healthy ways and model that for each other and support each other through that externally, the same as what we 're trying to do internally.
• 19:33
  That's my goal, but that's like doing family therapy with 80,000 people. So I don't know. It really depends on everyone agreeing and committing to that.
• 19:46
  Speaker 6: I'm just wondering, I don't remember. Did you put out like a set of rules for the group? You know how in private Facebook groups, generally the moderators will like make this list of here are the rules. And so if you want to be in the group, these are the rules that you follow. And it's just kind of a way of saying what the expectations are of things that you, you know, what this group is for, what this group is not for.
• 20:13
  I don't remember seeing any kind of like rules like that. I just wonder if that might helpful.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: It's certainly something to explore. What we put in it there so far is that when you join and you agree to be respectful and to be kind. And so it was a very broad statement, but that's why it was there as a foundation. But how much more specific to be, I don't know. We also the other thing we've not said anything about specifically is about how to approach any kind of trigger warnings when people share something.
• 20:51
  And part of that is because just being super honest, part of that is because when we joined the Facebook groups, part of the problem is that the different groups have different rules for trigger warnings. And honestly, I couldn't keep up. Like, when wanna I post something or share something, I didn't know what that group's rules were. Mhmm. So I would either get in trouble or not post because I couldn't get it right.
• 21:20
  Right. And so it became a struggle. So what we've tried even with post yesterday, which I wanted to delete but respected and did not delete. But when we talked about something that was heavier content, then we just said that, like trigger warning for this, just like we would in a podcast episode. And so but then also focus not on the trauma of it, but on what it was stirring up for us, which is what we've also tried to do both in the book and the podcast.
• 21:51
  So continuing to do that for now, but if the group grows very big, I don't know what that will look like. I don't know how big the group can be and also still be safe. I expect it to be a more intimate group. We made those little bitty charges in part to filter that, which is also frustrating because by default that puts in a level of privilege that we don't at all intend. But for the focus of the purpose we were advised that that would make a difference in functioning level and commitment level to what the group's purpose is.
• 22:28
  But just joining doesn't charge anything and focusing on healing and not just dumping and supporting and connecting.
• 22:42
  Speaker 5: Yeah. I mean, think
• 22:42
  Speaker 6: it's a challenging issue, especially like you said about how to handle triggers, because I'm with you. The different groups have different rules and it's like, I would be afraid to post in any of them because people get so angry too when you say the wrong thing. And I also don't like this, like, you know, a whole page of space and all of that that some of them use. So I think it is, it's a challenge. I'm not sure I know the answer other than I respect what you're saying, which is if it's a smaller group, that seems much more manageable because I think we can kind of flesh some of that out together.
• 23:19
  And I think you're leading by example, Emma, in terms of, like, the post that you just did of, okay, this is how you handle a challenging, you know, post. You know, this is what you say. This is how you, you know, indicate what the the topic is difficult so that people can tell from, like, the post, hey, this isn't necessarily just a an easy breezy post about, hey, we're having a meeting. You know, this is a post about something that you're processing. So I think a lot of it is going to be how you model for us, and you're doing that already on what you want the group to look like, what you want this platform to be.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: I'm sort of trusting the energy of that as it unfolds. Don't know energy is the right word, but you know what I mean, of people who are in the place with that capacity, I think will resonate with it and find it. And people who aren't ready for that already have places that work for them, and that's totally okay. Like, you all already were intuitive enough to find the group on your own. I'm not there's not been a podcast announcement other than changing the intro.
• 24:27
  But even that, it's so easy just to I mean, it's not like a test. I don't mean you can't just fast forward through the intro every time. But but you however you picked up on it, like you picked up on it. And so already there's that level of functioning intuitive something that it felt like it matched. And I think that will happen naturally, maybe.
• 24:51
  I don't know. If we can do it, I think it's worth it. That's all. And especially, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
• 24:57
  I am sorry that we couldn't pull this off a year ago during the pandemic. I mean, I understand cognitively other things were going on, and it was too hard, but I think what we learned from the pandemic is how important it needs. I mean, how important it is to us. And so even without the pandemic, which is not necessarily over, but I know everyone's experiences have been different of that and I want to respect that. But even without that context, we're still separated all over the world, just like other groups like autism groups or GLBT community.
• 25:34
  We're not identified by our geographical location. That's not the issue. And so having ways to connect us in, I don't know, it was an idea. So you can hear everyone is in agreement about safety and they had really good questions about how things work. And just to be clear, that network itself is free.
• 25:58
  Participating in the community is free, absolutely free. The charges that we're talking about are some $5 groups that are optional and some classes that we'll be offering to help raise money for to send our books to survivors who are not able to purchase them and also to try and get sponsorships for the Healing Together Conference. It's just an idea we had so we're trying it out to see if there's something we can do to help. One of the other things that they talked about was creating their own profiles. All of that information is absolutely optional of course as is whatever level of participation you want to do.
• 26:42
  So there are different things that are available but you can just use what helps you and ignore the rest. It's pretty simple and so far fairly user friendly.
• 26:54
  Speaker 5: I think it's been nice just in a few days that it's been active and live, I guess you could say, that the level of vulnerability, like so even though Holly was even we're even though we're talking about, like, levels of safety and trigger warnings and things like that, like, even with that in hand, like you were saying, this energetic resonance of it, the the level of vulnerability that's been shown in a positive way and the way that everybody's reciprocating and following up on each other's posts respectfully has been really kind and helpful so far so I think that I also hope that it continues to be in line with just being respectful and kind but also having depth of like being real and being vulnerable and because that's where we're most powerful. So I think that it's nice to see us going there together. And maybe what makes
• 27:56
  Speaker 7: sense instead of a hard set of rules, like like you see on moderators post and other groups would be just to have a statement about somebody said the phrase positive vulnerability, which I really love. Like, a statement about positive vulnerability that's just on its own tab or pinned to the top of a discussion or something like that.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: I like that idea. Some level of authenticity but with that focus on healing and not like fake positivity because there is that authentic layer, but positive vulnerability and and that level of safety. I think that it has already been meaningful for us as well, being able to connect and see faces and feel less alone. And the ideas that you have had and the contributions you've had and learning from each other, I feel like has just sort of made what we were already experiencing with the podcast a little more exponential. That's not going to be for everybody.
• 29:00
  Not everyone can tolerate that. I don't mean that in an elitist way. I mean that just in literally just everyone's in a different place and not everyone is ready for that, whether they're a clinician or a support person or someone with a dissociative disorder. Part of what we understand is that there are already lots of different good resources and all of those are valid. This is not instead of or competing with any of those.
• 29:29
  This community is specifically about the podcast for discussion about the interviews and access to what's happening right now and a way for us to share what we're learning in therapy and how we are progressing and healing specifically. Anyway, so we are also going to be offering other webinars or classes or whatever, and we'll just see what unfolds. But if you have ideas or questions, who is it that is doing the list of resources? Is that you? You all, that's so genius.
• 30:07
  Thank you for that. And as you get that going, we can absolutely put that up on the website.
• 30:13
  Speaker 7: Thank you so much for being so receptive. We did data entry for the company that our dad works for, which is called Elder Council. It basically just reaches out to elder law attorneys. And so we sit down for about ten hours a week and just make a list of every elder law attorney in Springfield or whatever. And that's become our default way of looking for stuff.
• 30:46
  It's just to scour the internet and make a list of every single thing that we find. And when we saw that you were going to put up your own social media network through listening to the intro on systems feed, we knew that we needed to we needed to we had an opportunity to collaborate with other people finally.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: I think it's so, so important. It's so needed. I can't tell you how many emails we get every single day asking for resources or therapists or different kinds of resources like what you're talking about, not just therapists but other things. And the same thing with ISSTD, which I don't at all mean to speak for. So this is one of the other new pieces to the website that is super exciting.
• 31:30
  We as a group and all of you are welcome to participate we are building a database of resources like therapists and inpatient centers and psychiatrists and psychologists and support services and conferences and books and all kinds of things. We are building a database of these resources, but not just any resource list that anyone has up on the internet. We are building a list of resources from the perspective of lived experience. We are updating this daily and we will continue to add to it. It does not accept paid advertisements from clinicians and clinicians cannot add themselves.
• 32:22
  They can only be added through someone with lived experience and it will have their name, their office information, and why that person felt safe or what the positive experience was not just like reviews but the lived experience perspective of why that is a resource and what information you need to know about it and how to contact them appropriately. And we are so so excited about this And we already have information from all over the world from listeners and it's exploding fast and I'm super excited. I don't know if I can keep up. The Nestor system is helping us with this and they are gonna come on and talk about that in another episode. So a shout out to them and thank you so so much because it's a fantastic idea, and I love how they're doing it from a positive approach of what is out there that is helpful and good and where people have had positive, safe experiences.
• 33:28
  That's all we're saying and that's all we're focusing on and that is fantastic. I love it so much. Did any of you get the book? Did any of you read the book? Kim, Holly, yay.
• 33:41
  Lisa, Julie, you got it? Okay. Did you read it? Did you make it through? There's a trigger warning.
• 33:47
  Speaker 4: I think like, three days. I could not put it down. It was wonderful. Wonderful.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: It's okay. It's a scary thing to put it out there and then wait, and clinicians aren't talking about it yet. So, like, thank you, Rose. Rose loved the book. I got I saw your message there.
• 34:06
  Speaker 6: Yeah. I mean, I've already shared with you, Emma, but I I thought it was really, really well done. You know, what I noticed is from the get go is, first of all, that it was written in third person, which a lot of memoirs on DID are are not written in third person and and and to where they're describing the different parts. Right? It's it's more written as a kind of a a story about the parts as opposed to, you know, someone saying, I, I, I, I, I, I, which doesn't really make sense for someone with DID, but that's how most memoirs are written.
• 34:44
  If you if you I don't know how many memoirs other people have have read, but I noticed that right away. I thought that was interesting and an appropriate choice of how to tell a story. And, obviously, it was you know, for all of us who are on here, clearly, we love you, Emma, and care about you and our, you know, dedicated listeners. So reading it was difficult, you know, to to to know we we know a lot of details about your life from listening to the podcast, but filling in those gaps, you know, that was hard to hear the things that you've been holding back from sharing with us on the podcast. Right?
• 35:21
  And so it was it was that was hard because of the care and love for you, but also, you know, I felt like it was just so brave of you to be vulnerable and to share that story. And I think in a way that's just helpful for all of us to say, look, it's okay to tell our story and share our story and own that truth no matter how hard it is because it's really, it's not our story. You know, I think your message about that of this is not your secrets that you've been holding onto at all. These are other people's secrets, right? And so I think it was so beautifully told, although again, to read, but I, you know, I think it's so helpful in really showing how DID works more than any other memoir I've read either of just, you know, really bringing to life how that works in our minds.
• 36:24
  By the way you depicted it so with so much reality of those parts, even though we know they were in your mind, you from reading the book, you can see how real they are. So I think it just was a really, you know, for someone who doesn't have DID, who would read that book, they would have a much better understanding. I think it would be a really helpful book for a support person as someone with DID to read that and just really see this is how it is for us, right? This is how it works. So I just, I think it was really well done.
• 36:59
  And then obviously you ended it with hope, which was beautiful of, you know, the healing is happening and I'm going to be okay. So I I just thought it was absolutely a beautiful book as difficult as it was to read because of how much I care for you.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: That's a lot to hear. I don't know what to say. I'm just gonna let that soak in. Thank you, Holly.
• 37:21
  Speaker 4: You're welcome. I wanna talk about just the perspective of the time in the book, because if I talk about the rest of it, I'm gonna cry. But as a support person, what was really helpful and insightful for me is the way that time that I feel like I now can see the way time works with the person with DID. I mean, because for my for the crew, I'm always still trying to figure out this whole, you know, time thing, how one of them knows this part, but then if, like, if I ask the question, then the other ones don't know what I'm talking about. And then maybe a week later, then the then they'll come back and say, oh, when you were saying this, now they've now they've kinda caught up caught up with the time.
• 38:10
  And so in in the book and when I was reading it, now I kinda get it how up until here, this person is, you know, they're doing they're doing their thing. And then this thing happens, whatever that thing is. And now this person has to do they have to take over because, you know, there's this stuff this stuff happened. It was super big. And now this person has to go and move forward because from this time back, this person's holding this stuff and it's heavy.
• 38:38
  So it's too heavy for for them to carry all of it. Now this person has it. And now this person has it. So now for me and my brain, I finally, like, was able to get it and it clicked that each person has to carry, this particular load. And so now it does make sense to me how this that now one of the loves can they can know what we did last week and the other ones can't.
• 39:00
  What? Because they they already are carrying, like, 50 pounds of, you know, something that has already happened, right? So they don't, yeah, they don't have the five pounds that I'm talking about. But it doesn't mean that they just completely forgot or neglected to know or that they didn't care. They just literally did not have the capacity to remember that.
• 39:20
  And so I just wanted to just kinda talk from that area because I now get how you have to compartmentalize like that. You had to. And can't talk anymore about it because it just takes me too it just gets me too emotional. But I just wanted to say that from that perspective, the book was very, very helpful. I'm glad that I read it, and that's all that I'm gonna say.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: Thank you, sweet Kim. The podcast, some of you have been listening from the beginning. Kim has been on. Holly's been on. The rest of you are welcome to come on if you want.
• 39:58
  Just send me a message. But I appreciate you, and I wanna say that as well because we wouldn't still have a podcast helping so many people if you all hadn't been there and been so supportive and encouraging, especially over the last year. So I also just feel that gratitude that I want to say, I want to express. It it was especially hard. And you all, for the first time in my life, even though it was just this silly podcasting that we had no idea would become what it did, you all being there as constants in our life really were some of the first things of or experiences of people just staying and being there through things, and it means a lot.
• 40:53
  It's not just an email when we get an email. Like, it's so powerful to us and it means so much to us. So I just want to thank you for that as well while we're talking about it and being all emotional. It was such a tender and special conversation with these people who have been longtime listeners, who have been supporters from the beginning, and who have encouraged us and helped us to keep going. And it was just sacred.
• 41:27
  I was so grateful to see them, to see their faces, and for us to be connecting in a whole new way. We are super, super, super excited about the community. I hope you will be able to join us and that we will get to see you there. And we had one last surprise for the people in the meetup that the children, the outside kids, wanted to meet them to see people who had gotten to hear them on the podcast. And so the children made a very short appearance just to say hello and in fact actually to sing hello because when the husband is a musical theater writer that's how things roll at our house.
• 42:13
  Yes. You're good sports. All Alright. Let we have a little space to squeeze into. Okay.
• 42:21
  Okay. Let's get here. Hold on. Our camera's not on yet, and our I don't care. Hold on.
• 42:28
  Be polite to everybody. Okay? Everybody squeezed in. Little you're in front. Can everyone see?
• 42:36
  Hi.
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: Hello to all of you. How are you? Good. Everyone's so tall. Oh my goodness.
• 42:50
  I'm Barrett.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: Kirier is trying to show you that her chin has been growing. Her jaw has been growing. So she's breathing really good right now.
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: Wow. Wow. Good news.
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah. The doctor's kinda Her airway has opened up a little bit. They can't explain it. They're just like, you're people of faith. So
• 43:08
  Speaker 3: That's amazing. That's fantastic.
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: Miracle baby. Continues. I love it.
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: Very good. I appreciate all of you guys sharing all that you do. I know that some of you had shared big things on the podcast, and I was really brave. Why not? It's easy to throw around that word brave, but I really think that the vulnerability that you share and the leadership you show for others is important, and I I wanna recognize that for each of you.
• 43:41
  And even though some of you haven't spoken on the podcast, I still feel y'all support for one another and love for one another, and I just wanna say thank you. Thank you. Did I miss some of you, Kai? I'm sorry. Here you go.
• 43:58
  I appreciate you giving us opportunities to learn. So thank you.
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for listening to us and for all of your support for the podcast, our books, and them being donated to survivors and the community. It means so much to us as we try to create something that's never been done before, not like this. Connection brings healing. One of the ways we practice this is in community together. The link for the community is in the show notes.
• 45:10
  We look forward to seeing you there while we practice caring for ourselves, caring for our family, and participating with those who also care for community. And remember, I'm just a human, not a therapist for the community, and not there for dating, and not there to be shiny happy. Less shiny, actually. I'm there to heal too. That's what peer support is all about.
• 45:37
  Being human together. So yeah, sometimes we'll see you there.