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42 | Win One for the Quacker · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: Eric, is there any greater relief in this world than when you walk into a public bathroom?
• 0:10
  Matt: Stay with me.
• 0:10
  Matt: Okay.
• 0:11
  Matt: Stay with me.
• 0:12
  Matt: I'm with you.
• 0:13
  Matt: Hand in hand.
• 0:14
  Matt: Stay with me.
• 0:16
  Matt: And the stalls are completely closed in like little rooms.
• 0:22
  Matt: You know what I mean?
• 0:23
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 0:24
  Matt: They're not these floating plastic walls.
• 0:27
  Matt: It's like you it's like a a room onto itself, you know?
• 0:30
  Matt: I have my own cell.
• 0:32
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 0:34
  Matt: It just it happens a lot in restaurants.
• 0:36
  Matt: In a lot of restaurants.
• 0:38
  Matt: It's where you see it the most.
• 0:40
  Eric: In nice hotels.
• 0:41
  Matt: I'll tell you what, they this is long closed, but I'm sure all near us, but I'm sure all uh all entities of this, the Bahama Breeze.
• 0:51
  Matt: Oh wow.
• 0:52
  Matt: They have a nice closed-in.
• 0:55
  Matt: I remember the Bahama Breeze in Chelsea.
• 0:57
  Matt: Yes, that's the one I was referencing.
• 0:59
  Matt: Yes, it's be it was beautiful in there.
• 1:02
  Matt: And they gave you mouthwash.
• 1:04
  Matt: I never partook, I was afraid.
• 1:06
  Matt: But it's nice that it's there.
• 1:08
  Eric: I'm it was it like I'm imagining a dispenser you had to stand under and just like yes, yes, you had to stick your head under the center and get it.
• 1:14
  Matt: No, there was like a little cups, the little the little like paper cups, you know.
• 1:18
  Eric: Oh that's very cute.
• 1:19
  Eric: Yeah, like a little shot glass.
• 1:21
  Eric: Very cute.
• 1:22
  Matt: But you know what I'm saying?
• 1:23
  Matt: Like you uh uh no one's happy about having to go to the bathroom in a public restroom anyway.
• 1:28
  Matt: No, but if I have like a a pr uh an ensuite bathroom an ensuite, an ensuite public bathroom.
• 1:37
  Matt: Oh they're they're especially nice for someone like me who has BBS.
• 1:42
  Matt: Yes, that acronym.
• 1:44
  Eric: Oh, you are you not familiar?
• 1:46
  Eric: No, I am familiar.
• 1:46
  Eric: It took me a second to remember what it was, but for our listeners.
• 1:50
  Eric: Oh, that would be bashful bladder syndrome.
• 1:52
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:53
  Eric: I I remember many a journey uh in college where you're like, I I'm like, I we need to.
• 1:58
  Eric: I don't fuck with urinals.
• 1:59
  Eric: Yeah, you don't fuck with urinals.
• 2:00
  Eric: And I respect that.
• 2:02
  Matt: I respect that.
• 2:02
  Matt: They're fucking gross.
• 2:03
  Matt: And this all started, this all started.
• 2:05
  Matt: I I didn't mean to start so blue with our uh listenership, but here we go.
• 2:09
  Matt: This happened with a traumatic event when I was when I was a young boy in in on a road trip on the Jersey Turnpike.
• 2:17
  Matt: Ooh, I hate uh We were at a truck stop on the Jersey Turnpike, a rest stop, a rest stop.
• 2:23
  Matt: A rest stop.
• 2:24
  Matt: And I needed to use the bathroom, and I went to the urnal like a big boy, and the urnal flushed out at me.
• 2:33
  Matt: Out at me, Eric.
• 2:35
  Matt: I had rest stop piss all over me.
• 2:38
  Matt: No on the Jersey turnpike.
• 2:41
  Matt: On the Jersey turnpike.
• 2:43
  Matt: I included all the details I felt were necessary to get the picture across.
• 2:46
  Matt: What what what and now how are you being still here?
• 2:51
  Matt: You didn't just implode to death.
• 2:54
  Matt: Well, my clothes disintegrated.
• 2:56
  Matt: My clothes disintegrated immediately.
• 2:58
  Eric: Did you have to sit like get back in the car?
• 3:02
  Matt: Now I wasn't like covered, covered, okay?
• 3:05
  Eric: But I was sprayed.
• 3:07
  Eric: Any amount is wrong and bad.
• 3:10
  Matt: Yes, and I was disturbed enough that now I got the BBS.
• 3:15
  Matt: I just I can't do it.
• 3:16
  Matt: I gotta be enclosed.
• 3:18
  Matt: And so that's why when the star when I don't even have to worry about my people seeing what my feet are doing, you know, when when it's all one big private area, it's like that sound dampening between like the like I don't have to hear anything happening next door.
• 3:33
  Eric: Yeah, it's in another room.
• 3:34
  Eric: Yeah, pretty much.
• 3:35
  Matt: I'm not concerned about that.
• 3:37
  Matt: I'm in my own cabana.
• 3:38
  Matt: Yeah.
• 3:39
  Matt: You kick your feet up.
• 3:42
  Eric: What what I'm doing in here is my business.
• 3:45
  Eric: Yeah, give me that.
• 3:46
  Eric: I mean, uh know it's wild to me.
• 3:48
  Eric: I just need you to understand that I I am currently in my in my lovely townhouse uh that has two three bathrooms that like sing like individual, three individual, wonderful, but the idea of the restroom with individual walled off stalls is infinitely more appealing to me right now.
• 4:09
  Eric: I almost want that in my house.
• 4:11
  Matt: If I go into a bathroom and a public bathroom in a restaurant bathroom, and just to like wash my hands, you know, like got sticky at dinner or just coming in, especially now and with the pandemic now.
• 4:23
  Matt: As soon as I come into a restaurant, I go to the bathroom and wash my hands, which we should have been doing the whole time, of course.
• 4:29
  Matt: But now I do it, but now I do it every time.
• 4:30
  Matt: And so if I go in there and I see an enclosed stall, I'm immediately like, oh, gotta like like I'm touring a home.
• 4:38
  Matt: This is a safe space.
• 4:39
  Matt: Let's check out, let's check this out.
• 4:40
  Matt: What's through here?
• 4:41
  Eric: Oh, you gotta check it out.
• 4:42
  Eric: The second I see it's there, I gotta go in.
• 4:44
  Matt: Gotta check it out.
• 4:45
  Matt: And the one I the one I went in most recently had like, it was all like stone.
• 4:50
  Matt: It was it was very fancy, very bougie.
• 4:53
  Eric: I'm imagining.
• 4:54
  Eric: Did you go in and like like a boy entering a cathedral for the first time, just like oh memory that's what played in my head.
• 5:32
  Matt: My name is Matt Shea.
• 5:34
  Matt: My name is Eric Poach.
• 5:35
  Matt: And joining us today, we have a very special guest, and in fact, a circle back follow-up in onto itself.
• 5:45
  Matt: God, there's so many layers deep.
• 5:47
  Matt: There's so much going on.
• 5:49
  Matt: Please, please welcome the psychedelic folk artist and former local legend of this show, Lewis Millard.
• 6:01
  Matt: Hello, hello, hello.
• 6:04
  Matt: Hello, and now I want to draw, I wanna you know, own up to my mistakes right away.
• 6:09
  Matt: Oh yes, I did call you Mallard on the on the previous show.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I was real angry about that, and that's why I contacted you about coming on.
• 6:17
  Matt: Yes, yes, yes, the the rage uh tweets we got were we're out of control.
• 6:23
  Matt: We are referring, we're referring, of course, to episode 37, You Can't Conceive of Carrie Eloise, where I featured Lewis as my local legend for the episode and detailed his performance art exploits traveling around in his homemade duck costume in Hamilton, Ontario, where he has since gathered a cult following, specifically on Instagram.
• 6:48
  Matt: So go back and listen if to get some background, but you also don't need to.
• 6:52
  Matt: We got the the duck in the flesh.
• 6:56
  Matt: Yeah, you don't need to listen.
• 6:57
  Matt: I'm right here.
• 6:58
  Matt: Listen now.
• 6:59
  Matt: Listen, listen be here now.
• 7:02
  Matt: Lewis, thank you so much for joining us for this ridiculous program that we do.
• 7:08
  Matt: And how how are you today?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: I I'm I'm doing well.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: I have minor allergy problems, other than that, I'm feeling ducky.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: Were you were you were you out ducking today?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: I I was not, no.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: I uh I decided to to stay in and and work.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Hell yeah.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Real real boring.
• 7:26
  Matt: Well, you know, every duck's gotta stay in the nest sometime.
• 7:30
  Eric: Yeah, I'll I'll come up with a duck pun at some point.
• 7:32
  Eric: Just give me a minute.
• 7:33
  Eric: Um, but uh I did want to say, Lewis, to put a feather in your cap.
• 7:37
  Eric: There it is.
• 7:38
  Eric: There it is.
• 7:38
  Eric: I was talking to several friends earlier today.
• 7:41
  Eric: We were hanging out playing some video games together, you know, over chat, and I mentioned, I was like, oh yeah, I I can't, you know, I'll have to hop off because we're about to do the interview with Lewis Millard from the show, and they all listened to the podcast, and they were so stoked that we were going to interview you.
• 7:58
  Matt: Because after listening to that episode, they kind of had the same journey on the told some people that we are going to be interviewing you, and they were very excited.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's cool.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: I told my wife, and she thinks it's pretty neat.
• 8:10
  Matt: A glowing review.
• 8:12
  Matt: You know, sometimes the closer you are to the show, the less excited it is.
• 8:17
  Matt: Now, the uh so here uh now you know, Lewis, that uh we answer life's least pressing questions on this here show.
• 8:25
  Matt: Yes.
• 8:25
  Matt: So did you happen to bring any for us to that any riddles for us to solve?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: I did.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: I was excited about this challenge and I I listened to a few episodes in preparation.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: I did my homework.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I didn't want to repeat any either, you know.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, of course.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, uh in no particular order.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: I even uh called in a friend with with some specific knowledge that I did not have to to formulate a question properly.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um so uh I've got about 10 of them.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have to read them all off.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: I can like yeah.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: I figured there there would probably be one good one in there, hopefully.
• 9:02
  Eric: Okay.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um the first one I came up with is why is cheesy bad when like cheese is great when people love cheese?
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, why is some cheese?
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um are there more pipes or pipe cleaners?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um I I'm also wondering, uh, do ghosts get offended that most people fear them?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: Love that.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um I thought just ask Casper.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: I thought since uh you know, we're we're doing uh a cross-country um episode here, you know, I'm in Canada.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so like state for province, what would be a fair trade if we were to like trade straight up?
• 9:47
  Matt: Hold on.
• 9:48
  Matt: All right, I'm very attracted to that question, Eric.
• 9:51
  Matt: I'm gonna tell you right off the bat.
• 9:52
  Matt: Yes.
• 9:52
  Matt: Okay, yeah.
• 9:53
  Matt: All right.
• 9:53
  Matt: That all right, that is promising.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, has alcohol started or ended more lives dark, but I love it.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: A little dark, but I like it.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: Uh okay.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: Uh is a light bulb in a video game technically real because it uses electricity and gives off light.
• 10:13
  Eric: Oh wow, now we're thinking where there's taters.
• 10:17
  Eric: Eric perked up there, yes.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um how much powdered milk would you need to add to regular milk until it was no longer milk?
• 10:29
  Matt: Oh.
• 10:30
  Matt: Oh my okay.
• 10:31
  Matt: I'm just trying to work my head around it.
• 10:33
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, all right.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: Uh we think it's cool when parrots imitate people, but do they think it's cool when we imitate them?
• 10:42
  Matt: When we imitate parrots?
• 10:44
  Matt: Yeah.
• 10:45
  Matt: Interesting.
• 10:46
  Matt: Okay.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: How would life change if we could see farts?
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yes.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: Seeing farts.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: All right, and this is uh the special knowledge uh required.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: What's dorkier?
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: Pretending to be a level 12 dwarven life domain cleric one day a week, or dressing up like a giant duck seven days a week.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: Oh well, all right.
• 11:12
  Matt: I want to say I feel like we have to do that.
• 11:14
  Eric: And now we're morally obligated.
• 11:16
  Matt: I don't even completely understand that question.
• 11:19
  Eric: I do, and I just want your friend to know that I appreciate it.
• 11:23
  Matt: Neither do I, but I think that's that can be we'll do that question second so we can uh because obviously we want to know.
• 11:31
  Matt: We and the people want to know more about Lewis Mallard.
• 11:35
  Matt: But um, what should we do first, Eric?
• 11:37
  Matt: What do you think?
• 11:38
  Matt: I like the state-province thing quite.
• 11:40
  Eric: I love trading states and provinces, and I'm also a fan, like if we could just touch on the powdered milk question, because I kind of felt my brain we can do it, we can do it.
• 11:50
  Matt: You wanna do you want to do like a flyby of state-province and go into the powdered milk?
• 11:55
  Matt: Let's start with powdered milk.
• 11:56
  Matt: Okay.
• 11:57
  Matt: Lewis, give give us the full question again of the of the powdered milk.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Of course.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: The question was, how much powdered milk would you need to add to regular milk until it was no longer milk?
• 12:11
  Matt: Okay, all right.
• 12:12
  Matt: Now I now I have to say, I don't know about Eric.
• 12:16
  Matt: Yeah.
• 12:16
  Matt: I have had quite a bit of dehydrated milk, uh, of course, in my days as an Eagle Scout.
• 12:22
  Matt: But the listen, in the desert, when you're in the woods, when you're surviving in the wilderness, Eric, and you have not yet developed your oncoming dairy intolerance.
• 12:35
  Matt: You you need must.
• 12:37
  Eric: Needs must water so long story short, water is heavy.
• 12:42
  Eric: Shut up.
• 12:44
  Eric: Which quick side tangent, actually.
• 12:47
  Eric: Lewis, is there an equivalent of the Boy Scouts in in Canada?
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we have Boy Scouts.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: They do.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: I was I was about to mention.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: So they just the Boy Scouts of Canada.
• 12:58
  Matt: So I I know I was a Cub Scout as a kid.
• 13:00
  Matt: I went on a scout trip to Canada.
• 13:02
  Matt: That's true.
• 13:03
  Matt: It's a true thing.
• 13:04
  Matt: Well, I'm glad you made it back.
• 13:05
  Matt: We went to the Capitol, and a friend of mine tried to bring a hatchet into your capital.
• 13:10
  Eric: It's also true.
• 13:11
  Eric: Well, uh, when so so they have Boy Scouts in in Canada.
• 13:15
  Eric: Yeah.
• 13:16
  Eric: Awesome.
• 13:16
  Eric: Second question potentially culturally insensitive.
• 13:20
  Eric: Once they pass the rank we would call Eagle Scout here, or what I call the pretentious scouts in America, do they become mounties?
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um geez, uh, there might be no, definitely not.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: But I yeah, and I don't even have a funny answer uh other than no.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think so.
• 13:38
  Eric: Then good.
• 13:39
  Eric: Then I'm gonna hold that.
• 13:40
  Eric: I'm gonna hold that narrative just in my mind.
• 13:42
  Eric: That will be my new truth.
• 13:43
  Matt: Yeah, I think you should, first of all.
• 13:45
  Eric: You have to kill a bear with your bare hands in the Boy Scouts in Canada, and then once you do, you get to you get a horse.
• 13:50
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:51
  Matt: Well, it's a moose in Canada.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, in Canada Mounties aren't super popular here, I think.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, they they have like a nice image.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: They got a good TR campaign, I think, but uh yeah, they're not terribly popular here.
• 14:01
  Matt: Oh no.
• 14:02
  Matt: Yeah.
• 14:04
  Matt: Are they narcs?
• 14:05
  Matt: Are they the they're the they're the ice of Canada?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, they they're mostly like in the the outskirts, uh you know, if places that don't have their own police station, no police.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, they only they rely on the mounties.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, they they were they were certainly, you know, um have a have a bad reputation historically for what they've done to uh the indigenous communities and that kind of stuff here.
• 14:34
  Eric: Well, damn, I take it back.
• 14:36
  Eric: Oh yeah, the official stance of this podcast, Mounties, get your shit together.
• 14:42
  Eric: Get your shit together, Mounties.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, mount up and get your shit together.
• 14:46
  Eric: Mount up that would be that that that like campaign writes itself.
• 14:54
  Eric: It sure does.
• 14:56
  Eric: Oh man.
• 14:58
  Eric: Well, thank you for dropping the knowledge.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's barely knowledge, yeah.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: That's a a deep well you could go into, I'm sure.
• 15:06
  Matt: Yeah.
• 15:07
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 15:08
  Matt: Speaking of wells, dehydrated milk.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: Dehydrated milk.
• 15:14
  Matt: First tangent of many, I'm sure.
• 15:16
  Matt: So, okay.
• 15:17
  Eric: So talk to me about dehydrated milk, Matthew.
• 15:20
  Matt: Well, it's a powder.
• 15:20
  Matt: You throw some water in it and it's put the air quotes up, milk.
• 15:25
  Eric: So is the powder like is it actual dehydrated milk or is it milk flavored powder?
• 15:31
  Matt: I think there's probably two.
• 15:32
  Matt: I think there's a there might be a difference.
• 15:35
  Matt: Okay.
• 15:36
  Matt: Like, you know, like how uh baking soda and baking powder are almost the same thing, but but not, you know?
• 15:45
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 15:46
  Eric: So I'm gonna I'm I'm approaching this from my headspace of I'm I'm assuming we're talking about the actual dehydrated, like powdered milk.
• 15:55
  Eric: I think so.
• 15:56
  Matt: I believe so.
• 15:57
  Matt: Lewis.
• 15:58
  Matt: Yeah, that is.
• 15:58
  Eric: So we add that because like just thinking of adding that to milk.
• 16:02
  Matt: Yeah, slowly gets thicker.
• 16:04
  Matt: I gotta say, I gotta say right off the bat, not only do I want to try it, I specifically want to try it in like a Lucky Charms cereal.
• 16:13
  Matt: That I feel like is where it lies, you know.
• 16:15
  Matt: Like, I think we're gonna go past becoming full milk.
• 16:19
  Matt: We're we're gonna go beyond full.
• 16:21
  Matt: We're dealing with double milk.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, wouldn't it just turn into like double stuffed milk?
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that how cottage cheese is made?
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: Just adding yeah, like oh no, is it gonna be cottage cheese?
• 16:31
  Eric: I wanna, yeah, I'm so curious about what the consistency journey of this substance is as we continue.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: I go sour cream.
• 16:40
  Eric: We've we've passed through the the yogurt phase.
• 16:42
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:43
  Matt: What I'm imagining is like it's on its way without being frozen to the thickness of like a milkshake.
• 16:50
  Matt: Yes, yeah, yeah.
• 16:52
  Matt: That's what I that's what I'm wanting it to be.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's no longer milk when can when you can flip it upside down like they do at Dairy Queen with the blizzard, you know?
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and it stays, yes, absolutely.
• 17:02
  Eric: Oh man, and eventually it's like it's like a whole new realm of dairy physics.
• 17:07
  Eric: Like we've got the phases of matter, but only insofar as they relate to powdered and liquid milk, yeah.
• 17:14
  Eric: Um we get do we get a milk plasma at some point.
• 17:18
  Eric: I'm wondering because like eventually we keep adding powder.
• 17:22
  Eric: So so like obviously we we add enough powder, it will just eventually be dry again.
• 17:27
  Eric: Like, you know what I mean?
• 17:28
  Eric: Like it'll eventually but then we have this dry substance that we can then again grind into powder.
• 17:39
  Eric: So what is that?
• 17:40
  Eric: That's a vicious cycle.
• 17:43
  Eric: What happens if we add that to milk?
• 17:46
  Matt: Is there a disappointing reality where it doesn't taste any different than just the milk?
• 17:52
  Matt: You know what I mean?
• 17:53
  Matt: Like the milk you put into the milk, the dehydrated milk.
• 17:56
  Matt: Well, now my day has been ruined.
• 17:58
  Matt: Yeah, I am exploring all options, Eric.
• 18:00
  Matt: Don't don't get excited as my grandma's.
• 18:04
  Matt: Being the skullly to my molder.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: I want to believe.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like, would you good I mean, what if you just had like some uh some skim milk and you wanted it just like a two percent?
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: How much would you add to make it a two percent?
• 18:17
  Matt: Hmm.
• 18:18
  Matt: Well, so yeah, because I I don't think the powder really has the percentages to it.
• 18:24
  Matt: I I don't recall ever seeing like a two percent.
• 18:27
  Matt: Yeah, I'm definitely not familiar enough with this.
• 18:29
  Eric: Yeah.
• 18:30
  Eric: Well, because at that point it's just you just it's just a matter if you want two percent.
• 18:34
  Eric: You want skim skim, it's just a matter of how much water you add.
• 18:37
  Eric: Yes.
• 18:38
  Eric: Or how much powder you add to your water.
• 18:40
  Eric: Like skim.
• 18:40
  Eric: I guess that's true.
• 18:41
  Eric: Teaspoon.
• 18:42
  Eric: I guess that's true.
• 18:42
  Eric: Two percent tablespoon.
• 18:45
  Matt: Whole, two cups.
• 18:47
  Matt: I think it's probably more than a tablespoon in a teaspoon.
• 18:50
  Eric: Well, I'll all right, dehydrated milk expert, our our panel expert.
• 18:54
  Matt: Okay, well, hold on a second.
• 18:57
  Matt: I'm sorry.
• 18:57
  Matt: I didn't know you wanted no actual knowledge to come up with.
• 19:01
  Eric: No, I've been I'm learning too much at too quick of a pace.
• 19:05
  Eric: You're right.
• 19:05
  Eric: We'd ought to slow it down the fact that my sensibilities slow down the facts.
• 19:09
  Eric: So I I'm landing firmly on we get double milk.
• 19:13
  Matt: What that is.
• 19:15
  Matt: I do like the double stuff milk hypothesis.
• 19:19
  Matt: I do I do like that idea.
• 19:21
  Matt: Uh the double milk axiom.
• 19:24
  Matt: Yeah, like super creamy milk is what I feel like it's gonna be like we're moving on from milk to cream at this point, almost.
• 19:34
  Matt: Sure.
• 19:34
  Matt: Creamy milk.
• 19:36
  Matt: It might be a half and half type condition.
• 19:38
  Eric: Is this how they make half and half?
• 19:41
  Eric: Have we cracked it?
• 19:43
  Eric: Half what?
• 19:44
  Eric: Half milk, half powdered milk.
• 19:47
  Matt: Yeah, I think that's I'm pretty sure half and half is half cream, half milk.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe once it settles, it's like uh, you know, milk at the bottom.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know, fruit at the bottom, yogurt, like you gotta mix it.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, stir it up.
• 20:02
  Matt: You gotta stir it up each time.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's like that natural rises to the top.
• 20:08
  Matt: Yeah, yes, exactly.
• 20:11
  Eric: Um we just get confused milk.
• 20:14
  Eric: Yeah, we're just confusing the milk.
• 20:17
  Matt: Yeah, it'd be like you pull it out of the fridge, you look at it, and you're gonna, it's gonna be the situation where you have to ask whoever you're living with, hey, how old is this?
• 20:26
  Matt: Should I, you know, do it, should I smell it?
• 20:28
  Matt: It smells fine, but it looks really weird.
• 20:30
  Matt: And you have to remind yourself, oh no, that's just my experiment with the putting dehydrated milk into milk, or vice versa.
• 20:39
  Eric: Yeah, no, that's when you previously, yo no, that should be fine.
• 20:43
  Eric: That should be fine.
• 20:44
  Eric: That should be fine.
• 20:45
  Eric: Yeah, which I don't know about you all.
• 20:48
  Eric: I get so paranoid about my milk in the fridge.
• 20:50
  Eric: If I'm like at a friend's house and I'm like, hey, is this milk good?
• 20:53
  Eric: And their their answer is, oh, it should be fine.
• 20:56
  Eric: No, it into the fridge it goes.
• 20:59
  Matt: I'm what well, I'm like that way about everything.
• 21:01
  Matt: I anything that I I don't remember opening, I'll ask Lindsay how long it's been opened.
• 21:07
  Matt: And if she gives me the it should be fine, I usually hesitate long enough for her to go, it's fine.
• 21:16
  Matt: But if I'm in a friend's house and somebody, I was like, hey, uh, just out of curiosity, uh, when was when was this opened?
• 21:24
  Matt: Oh, no, it should be fine.
• 21:25
  Matt: I'll be like, okay, thanks.
• 21:26
  Matt: I'm not hungry anymore, actually.
• 21:28
  Matt: Um because I'm I'm I I guess I'm not a risk taker when it comes to the culinary arts.
• 21:35
  Matt: Uh I totally am.
• 21:37
  Matt: You're just rolling the dice out there, huh?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: I you know, my I guess my uh I I just don't swallow, you know, put it in the mouth, swish it around, and then you decide.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: Is it good or not?
• 21:50
  Eric: The sound you're hearing is Matt's entire worldview being shattered.
• 21:54
  Eric: He can't even conceive of this.
• 21:57
  Matt: No, no, all I can conceive of it because.
• 22:00
  Matt: Because you know, I've seen bravery on screen before, and now I'm I'm seeing it right before my eyes.
• 22:06
  Matt: In my ears, the bravery of the Canadians is unparalleled.
• 22:10
  Matt: That's what I've heard.
• 22:11
  Eric: The bravery of this duck cannot be understated.
• 22:13
  Matt: The bravery of this duck cannot be understated.
• 22:16
  Matt: Oh.
• 22:17
  Matt: Um, so I think that's what happens.
• 22:20
  Matt: I think you're gonna get like a a situation where you gotta kind of mix it up each time in in response to the what happens.
• 22:28
  Matt: Okay.
• 22:29
  Matt: Right?
• 22:30
  Eric: Yeah.
• 22:30
  Matt: Is that where we're landing?
• 22:32
  Eric: That and I just want to say I I really do want someone, anyone listening to this who isn't me, to do the experiment.
• 22:38
  Eric: Keep adding powdered milk to the milk until it is eventually all absorbed, and then turn that substance into powder and just keep going.
• 22:45
  Eric: Keep dividing by zero.
• 22:46
  Eric: Tell me how it goes for you.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but take measurements.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: We want measurements, tablespoon by tablespoon.
• 22:52
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 22:53
  Eric: I mean, don't half ass this experiment.
• 22:55
  Eric: Oh, yeah, no, absolutely this half and half experiment.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you can even mix it with a a teaspoon, mix it with a whisk, and do maybe one in a food processor, get get a good sample.
• 23:06
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:07
  Matt: Don't half ass it.
• 23:09
  Matt: Go full ass.
• 23:10
  Matt: You know, do the research that we easily could have done and presented to you, but instead, as is our tradition, we'll ask you to do for us as our listeners.
• 23:20
  Eric: Yeah.
• 23:20
  Matt: Um, but I think definitively, without doing any research, we can say, Yeah, you're just gonna have to mix it up each.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: So we don't really know how much it takes, but it it it it takes uh a fair amount.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: I I think I'm just gonna go out there and say, like to a cup of milk, you could probably add half a cup of of powdered milk uh before it gets too thick to drink.
• 23:43
  Eric: Before things get weird.
• 23:44
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:45
  Matt: I think you know, too, you know, you can judge your your own thickness to your own uh uh thickness uh preferences.
• 23:53
  Matt: Yeah.
• 23:53
  Matt: That's a weird statement.
• 23:55
  Matt: Starting my life.
• 23:56
  Matt: So should we move on now, Eric?
• 23:58
  Matt: To um I think we might have answered the question.
• 24:01
  Matt: I think we might have.
• 24:02
  Eric: Yes.
• 24:02
  Matt: So let's talk about states and provinces.
• 24:04
  Eric: So so the the conceit here is that if if we were to to trade we're trading in a fair trade, that's the key.
• 24:13
  Eric: It's not like I'm not gonna unload Kentucky on you guys.
• 24:17
  Eric: Like that would be a dick move.
• 24:20
  Matt: Well, the first thing we should probably talk about is numbers here, okay?
• 24:26
  Matt: Because you've got, I believe, if I can remember, 10 provinces and three territories, and that's that's something that I know.
• 24:34
  Matt: I'm not looking at Wikipedia, I just know that.
• 24:38
  Matt: Okay.
• 24:43
  Eric: Oh, that's a province.
• 24:49
  Eric: Yes.
• 24:50
  Eric: So sorry, I was just narrating the inner dialogue of everyone listening to this episode.
• 24:55
  Matt: We we also here in the States started with 13.
• 25:00
  Matt: And I don't know if you know this.
• 25:01
  Matt: We got a little carried away.
• 25:03
  Eric: We went for a quantity over quality kind of deal.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: Though every that sums up your whole culture, doesn't it?
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 25:09
  unknown: Pretty much.
• 25:10
  Matt: We and in one case, we took over a whole country that's yeah, that's half an ocean away and claimed it.
• 25:17
  Matt: Uh yeah, we uh tried to do it a couple times ago.
• 25:20
  Eric: Every, you know, we we do we we we love our country, but yeah, every, you know, all you know, all God's children, something, something.
• 25:32
  Eric: Yeah, where are you going with this area?
• 25:33
  Eric: I have no idea.
• 25:35
  Eric: Back away from it.
• 25:36
  Eric: It's my roundabout way of saying, yeah, we're embarrassed by a good chunk of states.
• 25:41
  Matt: I think I think our listeners know the two of us are embarrassed by our government's actions over the the couple centuries.
• 25:49
  Matt: Pretty much daily at this point.
• 25:51
  Matt: Our point, yeah.
• 25:53
  Matt: Um uh but anyway, so I guess we've got I guess what I'm saying is we got a lot more chips here, but some of them I don't know that you're interested in.
• 26:04
  Eric: No, yeah, I would say I would so so um are there any states that pique your interest?
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I you know, I haven't I have an answer, uh or at least uh you know, to the silly question.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I have an idea of what would be a fair trade.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: But before I give my answer, I'd like to see, you know, what you guys think.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to influence you because I I've had a chance to put some thought into it.
• 26:28
  Matt: Fair.
• 26:29
  Matt: So the qu the question is what is a fair trade?
• 26:32
  Matt: A fair trade, yeah, yeah.
• 26:33
  Matt: Of states and provinces.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because it's not necessarily going to be uh you know, you guys might pick up more territory, we might pick up more people.
• 26:44
  Matt: Yeah.
• 26:45
  Matt: Yeah, that's true.
• 26:46
  Matt: And you might not like all the people you get.
• 26:48
  Matt: Fair enough.
• 26:49
  Matt: So okay, so Eric, what are your thoughts?
• 26:51
  Matt: What are your opening thoughts of this negotiation?
• 26:54
  Eric: So my opening thoughts are purely from, and this is because I'm a bad person.
• 27:01
  Eric: Um, I'm immediately drawn to French Canada, Quebec.
• 27:05
  Eric: Um, mostly because I just want to Quebec, Quebec.
• 27:10
  Eric: I can, I'm never sure.
• 27:11
  Eric: Quebec.
• 27:12
  Eric: Quebec Quebec.
• 27:13
  Eric: Okay.
• 27:13
  Eric: That one.
• 27:17
  Eric: Um so I'm immediately drawn to it because A, French Canadian is a fascinating dialect to me.
• 27:26
  Eric: Uh also, like it's just, it's really, I just love I'm I'm I I hesitate to call myself a language nerd because I only speak the one, but I love linguistics and everything around it.
• 27:37
  Eric: I love watching languages evolve.
• 27:39
  Eric: So I just like I love that entire intersection.
• 27:42
  Eric: But two, also, I would pay any amount of money to just I'm, you know, so I can be in my country and I can hear someone complaining about someone not speaking English, and they're not just going after like the Hispanic population.
• 27:58
  Eric: They can just finally, finally, we have we have some.
• 28:01
  Eric: I want to hear something like, God damn, freaking idiots.
• 28:04
  Eric: I just want to see someone get ver uh a Karen get viscerally angry at the French.
• 28:13
  Eric: Fair, yeah, yeah.
• 28:14
  Eric: Matt, what are your thoughts?
• 28:16
  Matt: Well, I gotta be on, I'm gonna come clean.
• 28:19
  Matt: I don't have an encyclopedic knowledge of Canada and what is where, okay, and and all that these types of uh things that really I should know if I'm gonna negotiate on behalf of my government, but here we are.
• 28:33
  Matt: I I like a couple of names.
• 28:35
  Matt: This is what I'm gonna go with.
• 28:36
  Matt: Saskatchewan, that's an attractive name.
• 28:38
  Matt: It's funny.
• 28:39
  Matt: Yes, I like it.
• 28:40
  Matt: It's fun to say it's long, we're all about branding in the states.
• 28:43
  Eric: You have to understand this, Lewis.
• 28:44
  Eric: It's hard to spell.
• 28:46
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 28:46
  Matt: Um I British Columbia.
• 28:50
  Matt: I love that you kept the we're just we're just putting an adjective basically on an existing place.
• 28:57
  Matt: We've done that countless times with new.
• 29:00
  Eric: And it would be uh, it would be a just speaking to the American spirit, it would be a great, like, oh, we we took yet another British thing.
• 29:09
  Matt: Yes, we uh that is another thing that we love to do.
• 29:12
  Eric: Yeah, we love to do it.
• 29:14
  Matt: Br Britain got over it a long time ago, but we still enjoy it.
• 29:18
  Matt: Um and then there's Newfoundland and Labrador.
• 29:22
  Matt: Yes.
• 29:22
  Matt: I I like I like that there's an and involved.
• 29:25
  Matt: I come from Pennsylvania, and Pennsylvania has a lot of names that are confusing, that are wild, and are unique, such as bird in hand, Pennsylvania.
• 29:34
  Matt: Bird hyphen in hyphen hand, Pennsylvania.
• 29:38
  Matt: So uh a name that is in fact three words with an and in the middle, a sentence essentially.
• 29:45
  Matt: That's attractive to me.
• 29:47
  Eric: Yeah, bird in hand.
• 29:48
  Eric: Isn't that right next to two in the bush?
• 29:51
  Matt: Very good, Eric.
• 29:52
  Matt: Very good.
• 29:54
  Matt: Would you like a classic uh Pennsylvania weird name, Quip?
• 29:58
  Matt: Oh, yes, I would.
• 30:00
  Matt: Um, if you are in Blue Ball, Pennsylvania, you have to go through intercourse to get to pleasure.
• 30:08
  unknown: Oh, God.
• 30:09
  Eric: I have seen all of those downs.
• 30:11
  Matt: Now I'm just glad you weren't the assholes like, couldn't you just go around?
• 30:16
  Matt: Which I'd be like, yeah, shut the fuck up.
• 30:18
  Eric: Let us have fun with the silly names.
• 30:20
  Eric: It was a it was a funny pun.
• 30:22
  Matt: Is there a sign uh like in blue ball that points to pleasure through intercourse?
• 30:29
  Matt: Yeah.
• 30:29
  Matt: I I there I must be because that is the most direct route.
• 30:32
  Matt: That's that's just geography fact for you, Pennsylvania.
• 30:35
  Matt: Now, let's talk states and provinces again.
• 30:38
  Matt: Uh oh, let's talk about the pro I feel like I'm ignoring the provinces.
• 30:41
  Matt: The Northwest Territories.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the I well, I I just you know, I I I said provinces.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: I I should have included territories.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_01: I just assumed you know, you guys made the one mistake by by getting Alaska.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's like it's so far away, and you don't really care for it too much.
• 31:00
  Matt: I was gonna say you I have an assumption that you are gonna come to the table wanting Alaska.
• 31:06
  Matt: Is that is that true or incorrect?
• 31:08
  Matt: Am I off base?
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you are off base, sir.
• 31:10
  Matt: Yeah, I don't blame you.
• 31:11
  Matt: Okay, I wouldn't blame you for not wanting it, is what I thought about it.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I thought it makes sense, you know.
• 31:17
  Matt: See, I would I would see I would think but this is just me um wanting things to be neat.
• 31:24
  Matt: I do sort of we could go for a connection to Alaska, but I think that would involve two.
• 31:29
  Matt: I think that'd involve British Columbia and the Yukon.
• 31:32
  Matt: And that that's a lot.
• 31:33
  Eric: And we don't want to give you Sarah Palin.
• 31:35
  Eric: That's just that would be rude.
• 31:37
  Matt: I can't believe that she's still around.
• 31:39
  Matt: Yeah.
• 31:40
  Matt: What I'm saying is we have Alaska.
• 31:42
  Matt: We have Alaska.
• 31:43
  Matt: We just need the land bridge to get there.
• 31:46
  Matt: That's what I'm saying.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh we do, but like there is a land bridge.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: The banana belt of Alaska does come down and touch British Columbia.
• 31:52
  Eric: Oh, so we just need British Columbia then.
• 31:54
  Eric: Oh.
• 31:55
  Eric: Okay, so wait.
• 31:56
  Eric: So so Matt, so we get a land bridge to Alaska, we get to dunk on the British yet again.
• 32:01
  Eric: Yet again.
• 32:02
  Eric: Yeah.
• 32:02
  Eric: Oh man, I think I think British Columbia seems to be the call.
• 32:07
  Matt: Okay, so let's put that.
• 32:08
  Matt: All right, so British Columbia, we're putting on the table as we're definitely interested in.
• 32:13
  Eric: Also, I just need I would be remiss if I didn't point out that I I can't speak for you, Lewis, but Matt, this is the closest you or I like in terms of just scale, you know, this is probably the closest we'll ever come to actually starting an international incident.
• 32:30
  Eric: Like, this is what we're doing right now, this is the closest thing we have to to cause.
• 32:36
  Matt: Eric, Eric, we're playing we're playing diplomatic risk.
• 32:40
  Matt: We are.
• 32:42
  Matt: No war, no war.
• 32:43
  Matt: No war.
• 32:43
  Matt: That's that's key.
• 32:44
  Matt: No war.
• 32:46
  Matt: But we're just trading pieces.
• 32:47
  Matt: I like this.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_01: This is fair, friendly.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's all in a handshake and a and you know, winking a knot.
• 32:53
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 32:54
  Matt: Uh so all right.
• 32:56
  Matt: So Lewis, what it what do you want?
• 32:59
  Matt: What do you propose?
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what are you willing to give up for you you guys seem to be interested in in BC.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_01: But there's only two states I'm inter if you're interested in BC, there's only two states I would be interested in.
• 33:10
  Eric: Okay.
• 33:11
  Eric: All right, hit us.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um Michigan or New York.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_01: Michigan or New York.
• 33:17
  Matt: Or you want but you want the package deal for British Columbia.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_01: No, okay.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I think Michigan would be a fair trade.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we would get a lot more lake uh in that year.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, wait a minute.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_01: Hold on.
• 33:29
  Matt: You want the state and the lake?
• 33:30
  Eric: Well, it's all attached to it.
• 33:33
  Eric: Let the record show that we did not just in return.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_01: I think in my mind, the the the fairest trade uh would be would be BC uh for for Michigan or or or New York state.
• 33:49
  Eric: Yeah, so obviously Michigan, you know, Lake Michigan, beautiful package deal there.
• 33:54
  Eric: Yes.
• 33:54
  Eric: Uh any particular reason New York?
• 33:56
  Eric: Anything about the draw?
• 33:57
  Eric: Just love New York.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_01: Uh no, not particularly.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, but it's attached in a sense, and uh it would give us, I believe, most of uh Lake Ontario.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_01: And it'd give you complete control of Niagara Falls.
• 34:12
  Matt: Yes.
• 34:13
  Matt: Oh no more, no more of this American Canadian side bullshit.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_01: No, I've seen how you guys do your side.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: Our side is is way uh more.
• 34:20
  Eric: I've heard I've heard that our side is like dog shit.
• 34:24
  Eric: Like it is just bad.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_01: Uh definitely.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_01: I used to work down there on Clifton Hill, and uh but what's weird about it is like the whole thing is owned by like two families.
• 34:35
  Matt: Really?
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_01: And uh and Niagara Falls itself, you know, Niagara Falls, Ontario is is a real down and out city.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's like it's got a downtown that's desolate, and it's got the tourist area, which is like weird and fake.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_01: And and uh it's like the whole industry is in the city, is that wow, we really have Americanized this waterfall.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's a weird place.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's kind of a bummer with all the casinos and yeah.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, for sure.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_01: Not my favorite part, but you know, we we'd clean that up if we could get New York uh state there.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: And and I figure, you know, it's also touching the ocean, so it gives us more ports.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_01: It and it gives us it gives us the Yankees, it gives us uh would give you Yankees and Mets and the Mets, yeah, which are both teams are doing very well this year.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_01: I see.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's true.
• 35:22
  Eric: This is uh man, I that Lewis makes a very compelling moral argument for this for this.
• 35:30
  Eric: Or New York.
• 35:31
  Matt: Now I just to just to just to put it out there, in terms of spread, you get a lot more with Michigan.
• 35:39
  Eric: I think maybe ever since he heard the word Yankees, now he's no no no no no no.
• 35:43
  Matt: I uh listen, my my fandom is to the team.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_01: If they m if they move to oh god, if they move to Wyoming, yeah, I'd still be a fan.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_01: I think Canadians would be upset at me for not like just giving up Alberta, which we all kind of consider like the US of Canada.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um but but I figure like you know, BC, it's like it's it's on the other side of the mountains, it's all gonna burn down one day anyway, or fall into the ocean with an earthquake.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_01: So I think we'll come out on the better end anyway.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, wait a minute.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_01: Hold on.
• 36:16
  Matt: Hold on.
• 36:16
  Matt: I didn't realize it was on its way out.
• 36:18
  Matt: It all comes to fruition.
• 36:20
  Matt: Uh I thought it was I thought we were getting a beautiful wilderness up there, but now you're telling me it's falling apart.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you are.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's it's absolutely stunning.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_01: Probably the most important thing.
• 36:29
  Matt: Because it's on that spring-loaded fault line, so it's all just gonna now with Michigan, you get I I I'm just trying to paint.
• 36:36
  Matt: Listen, I'm I'm uh open to trading New York, even though that's my family lineage.
• 36:42
  Matt: So it is close to home.
• 36:44
  Matt: But the with Michigan, you get a two-part state.
• 36:48
  Matt: Yeah, the hand because it's all spread out, it's got that big penis of a lake in the middle.
• 36:52
  Matt: Yep.
• 36:53
  Matt: Uh I you get, I mean, it touches uh what I'm saying is it you really get a breath against both Canada's borders and many a state.
• 37:02
  Matt: You you spread down, but same thing with New York, because Long Island is so far south compared to like the northern part of the state.
• 37:10
  Matt: The you're right there next to Rhode Island, and so that there's benefits to both.
• 37:16
  Eric: I think I will say this of of of um you know, I I'm not trying to be a Michigan.
• 37:21
  Eric: Let's be a Michigan.
• 37:23
  Eric: Um Jesus Christ.
• 37:25
  Eric: You will get Detroit, but Detroit has been doing very well in the past year.
• 37:30
  Eric: Like it's fine, they seem to have been shaking their bad times.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_01: No, well, we would happily take the motor city and uh yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 37:39
  Matt: And the Tigers, while we're mentioning baseball to you, why not doing well this year?
• 37:44
  Matt: Size-wise, I'm I'm pulling up Google Maps.
• 37:47
  Matt: Oh, yeah, you're you're running comparisons, aren't you?
• 37:49
  Matt: Uh well, I just want to see because isn't we're talking about a pretty big area with with BC.
• 37:57
  Matt: Oh, yeah, it's fucking huge.
• 37:59
  Matt: It's big, yes.
• 38:00
  Matt: So neither of these states compare to it in size.
• 38:05
  Matt: But New York, especially more than uh I would I would think more than Michigan from a from like a commerce standpoint, Eric.
• 38:16
  Matt: Don't you think?
• 38:17
  Matt: You're getting even though a lot of New York is like rural and empty in terms of the state, yeah, the city itself is pretty much the it's the city.
• 38:34
  Matt: It's one of our best.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's a pretty damn good get.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_01: No, I know, but but BC is like uh, you know, i i it's probably one of the most beloved provinces in the in the country out there, being all super beautiful and unique.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 38:49
  unknown: Okay.
• 38:50
  Eric: All right, how about how about how about that?
• 38:52
  Eric: How about that?
• 38:53
  Eric: Uh well um, yeah, we'll give you New York, we'll take British Columbia, throw Alberta in there.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely not.
• 39:04
  Matt: Yeah, Eric, hold on.
• 39:05
  Matt: Fair is fair.
• 39:06
  Matt: If if money in Alberta, if he's throwing in Alberta, we gotta we gotta I already felt like it's slightly lopsided because of the sheer scale of British Columbia.
• 39:17
  Matt: So if we're gonna if he we're gonna ask him to throw in Alberta, I think we gotta I think we gotta sweeten the deal on our end.
• 39:24
  Matt: Yeah, definitely.
• 39:25
  Matt: All right, New York and Lake Michigan.
• 39:28
  Matt: What else would you be?
• 39:30
  Matt: We already gave Oh, just the lake.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't know, man.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like I don't I don't even know.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think like I might be thinking about the future of our country, and and I think Michigan might be a better deal with all of that fresh water that comes along with it.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like I feel like New York's gonna kind of like take care of itself, it might not be worth so much in the future.
• 39:48
  Matt: All right, so now you're talking you want Michigan for British Columbia.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's uh yeah, that's that's what I would do.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_01: My uneducated opinion.
• 39:55
  Matt: And in our uneducated opinion, if we want British Columbia and Alberta, what's it gonna take on our end?
• 40:02
  Matt: Oh well, I I I I think that what's your throw-in?
• 40:06
  Eric: You can get you get a you get a a landmark of your choice.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we would need uh something a state of yours that that generates a lot of money.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: All right, we've got a c we got a few of those.
• 40:20
  Eric: We got a few of those.
• 40:21
  Matt: Now, let me ask you, let me ask you, hold on.
• 40:23
  Matt: I want to know a a cultural question.
• 40:25
  Matt: Alberta, um what give me a like a generalization, a blanket statement of like what kind of province are we talking about here?
• 40:34
  Matt: Is it is it super conservative?
• 40:36
  Matt: Is it crazy?
• 40:37
  Matt: Like, is it crazy?
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like what are you talking about?
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_01: I think Canadians would think it was uh super conservative, but it's probably uh a little bit more like uh what you guys would consider Democrat.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, even though we call it the the Conservative Party generally rules there.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_01: Um it's got a lot of oil money, sure.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_01: The kind of like uh the the Texas of Canada.
• 41:00
  Matt: It's got a lot of oil money, you say, huh?
• 41:02
  Matt: Yes.
• 41:03
  Matt: I was just gonna say, uh, you want a state that generates a lot of money, is it's also one of one of our biggest.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, but it's so far down there and and yeah, not interested in Texas, you know.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 41:19
  Eric: Oh, let me see what's let me see what's uh we got a lovely fence down there.
• 41:24
  Eric: Uh a lovely shitty fence.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_01: It would probably have to be in New York in that case.
• 41:29
  Matt: If you guys are gonna take Alberta, New York and Michigan for British Columbia and Alberta.
• 41:35
  Matt: Yeah, just so that we could, you know, keep keep that all together.
• 41:38
  Matt: Um I don't know, Eric.
• 41:40
  Matt: He hasn't painted a great picture of Alberta for us.
• 41:42
  Eric: I know.
• 41:43
  Eric: Well, it's money, and we're it's got a lot of money.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know, a lot of those people would vote for Trump probably immediately.
• 41:52
  Matt: Oh, then keep it, keep it, keep it.
• 41:53
  Matt: Keep it, keep it, keep it, keep it, keep it, keep it, keep it.
• 41:55
  Matt: Uh we don't need another one of those.
• 41:58
  Matt: God damn.
• 41:59
  Matt: What uh what about the Northwest Territories?
• 42:00
  Matt: What are they up to?
• 42:02
  Matt: Uh not a whole lot.
• 42:04
  Matt: Pretty empty place.
• 42:06
  Eric: Oh, hell yeah.
• 42:06
  Eric: All right, how about this?
• 42:07
  Eric: Honestly, Matt, I would, you know, in this day and age, and in the in the current schema, the zeitgeist of our country, I'm almost drawn to a territory that just doesn't have anything going on.
• 42:20
  Matt: I am as well.
• 42:21
  Matt: And so that is why I'm cooking up a new proposal.
• 42:23
  Matt: Okay.
• 42:24
  Matt: British Columbia for Michigan.
• 42:25
  Matt: We got okay, those two things are in the bag, right?
• 42:28
  Matt: Yeah.
• 42:29
  Matt: If we add on on your end, we add Northwest Territories, which I know wouldn't you rather have Yukon and sits like attached right right to Alaska.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Matt, what are you doing?
• 42:41
  Matt: And then it's it does complete the land bridge.
• 42:43
  Matt: Also, honestly, we name so many things Yukon something in America.
• 42:49
  Matt: It's basically a it's basically America's got bonus for the Yukon, I know.
• 42:53
  Matt: All right, so let's say, all right, so forget the Northwest Territories.
• 42:56
  Matt: Fuck them.
• 42:57
  Matt: We'll take we'll take Yukon, complete our our land journey up to Alaska.
• 43:02
  Matt: Yeah, but you know, I know we're talking about a very beautiful part of your country.
• 43:07
  Matt: Very beautiful.
• 43:08
  Matt: So I think Eric, we have to offer up something just as attractive.
• 43:15
  Eric: Yes, like a like a jewel of natural, national, like national and natural beauty, Delaware.
• 43:22
  Eric: Delaware.
• 43:23
  Eric: Stop, dude.
• 43:24
  Eric: No, no, hold on.
• 43:25
  Eric: Lewis is over here like Delaware?
• 43:28
  Matt: I I I am going to offer up.
• 43:30
  Matt: Yeah, what are you gonna offer up?
• 43:32
  Matt: I won't, I'm gonna give you a packaged deal.
• 43:35
  Matt: Okay.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, you want to uh unload some unpopular places to us.
• 43:39
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 43:40
  Matt: I'm giving you a two for one because I feel like it's fair.
• 43:43
  Matt: So Michigan for British Columbia, yeah, and Yukon for the package deal of North and South Dakota.
• 43:53
  Matt: Nothing South Dakota, and you can fulfill the West Wings dream of just making it Dakota.
• 44:00
  Eric: Right the historical wrong.
• 44:03
  Eric: Also, they are just gorgeous.
• 44:05
  Eric: Unite the Dakotas.
• 44:07
  Matt: But there's not much going on there.
• 44:09
  Matt: Not much going on there.
• 44:13
  Matt: Well, and that's what they call the Decotians.
• 44:15
  Matt: The Decotions.
• 44:16
  Matt: I feel like it's a fair trade.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_01: Let's see.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_01: We'll do it.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'll I'll talk to my people OS do you guys.
• 44:22
  Eric: Uh oh, yes.
• 44:23
  Eric: Hold on.
• 44:24
  Eric: Just one one second.
• 44:26
  Eric: Yep.
• 44:27
  Eric: Yes.
• 44:28
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_01: He's brokering the deal.
• 44:31
  Eric: Thank you, Mr.
• 44:32
  Eric: President.
• 44:33
  Eric: Oh, Joe.
• 44:34
  Eric: Ah, it's Joe.
• 44:35
  Eric: The deal has been approved.
• 44:37
  Eric: You woke up sleepy Joe.
• 44:39
  Eric: Talk to Jesus.
• 44:41
  Eric: I got up at nap time for this.
• 44:43
  Matt: All right.
• 44:44
  Matt: Talk to talk to Justin up there and let us know.
• 44:47
  Matt: Yeah.
• 44:48
  Eric: You talk to your J, we'll talk to our J.
• 44:51
  Matt: And then we'll get ice cream.
• 44:53
  Matt: And then we'll get ice cream.
• 44:56
  Matt: So uh okay, so it's a deal.
• 44:59
  Matt: Uh I feel like we've we've made international waves now.
• 45:03
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 45:04
  Matt: Um so uh what was the other question, Eric?
• 45:08
  Matt: You wanted to touch on the yeah, what's Dorkier?
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_01: Pretending to be a level 12 dwarven life domain cleric one day a week, or dressing up like a giant duck seven days a week.
• 45:21
  Eric: So I'm gonna go ahead and this is a DD thing, it's a Dungeons and Dragons thing.
• 45:27
  Eric: Um life domain.
• 45:28
  Eric: I think that was clear to everyone.
• 45:29
  Eric: You know, yeah, they focus on like positive energy spells that sustain all life.
• 45:35
  Eric: You know, they they're they follow gods and pantheons that are all about like vitality and healing the sick and the wounded, caring for those mercy and all that such.
• 45:44
  Eric: A man of faith.
• 45:45
  Eric: Um, you know, worshipping gods such as Latander, Palor, and you know, Ray Herod.
• 45:51
  Matt: Other gods you're reading off of the screen.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't blink when he said any of that.
• 45:57
  Eric: But uh I did at well, I knew what a life domain cleric was.
• 46:00
  Eric: I did have to look up the the the deities because Dungeons of Dragons is like constantly getting entirely new pantheons.
• 46:08
  Eric: There's only so many different ways you can flavor a sun god before they burn.
• 46:13
  Eric: Yeah.
• 46:14
  Eric: I'm gonna go ahead on a limb and say that the person who plays the dwarf is much more of a dork, because they're just pretending to be like that and in like sitting at my kitchen table drinking beers and like arguing with me about rules interpretations while Louis Ballard.
• 46:34
  Eric: Or sorry, any any sorry, hypothetically speaking, if a person was to dress like a duck seven days a week.
• 46:42
  Eric: Of course.
• 46:42
  Eric: Um I don't know when that would ever happen.
• 46:45
  Eric: But but that person, they're getting exercise for sure.
• 46:50
  Eric: They're performing, they're outside, yes, they're actually interacting with human beings and making choices that are their own.
• 46:58
  Matt: They're performing, they're performing, absolutely, and so is so is the former as well, of course, to a to an extent.
• 47:05
  Eric: But I I say this as a longtime DD player, the absolute dwarf nerds.
• 47:12
  Eric: No ducks a rule.
• 47:15
  Matt: You're saying down with them.
• 47:17
  Eric: Oh, not down with them, but like if the question is who's dorkier, I'm like there you go, folks.
• 47:22
  Matt: The host of a DD podcast just said no.
• 47:27
  Eric: Now, if you are now let me add this other layer though.
• 47:33
  Eric: Oh now, if you are a person who plays a level 12 dwarven life domain cleric who within the mythos of their story also moonlights as a duck.
• 47:46
  Eric: Oh, there's always a loophole.
• 47:47
  Eric: You're still a bigger dork, but I have respect for you.
• 47:51
  Eric: But you have my respect.
• 47:52
  Eric: You have my respected adverman.
• 47:57
  Eric: I'm saying that the duck is the least- I was always gonna say duck.
• 47:59
  Eric: Yeah, duck is the least dorky in this situation.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna have to go with what you guys say because I I just learned something.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you for educating me.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_01: So did I.
• 48:09
  Matt: Now, speaking of going out seven days a week, as you mentioned, how how often do you go out as the duck?
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I would say uh it's it really depends on the weather.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um I ideally, you know, once or twice a week I go out uh for for an hour or two each time.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's about about it.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_01: Really.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_01: I I do have a new costume that I've been going out in a little bit, and it's it it allows me to have um some some different kinds of interactions with people because it's it's a less um less costume, more like an outfit with a with a helmet.
• 48:53
  Eric: Okay, yeah, because your your your duck form is it looks heavy.
• 48:59
  Eric: I look at it, I'm like, that looks heavy.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's definitely not heavy.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_01: It is uh it's a little cumbersome sometimes.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um it's uh I'm very vulnerable inside of it.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have use of my arms.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so you know, like I've I've definitely fallen over before, um you know, tripped and and fallen and and that kind of stuff.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_01: So um yeah, it it's uh it's it's definitely comfortable.
• 49:27
  Matt: Yeah, gosh.
• 49:28
  Matt: And how did this how did how did you come to this idea?
• 49:31
  Matt: Now when we read the article on our previous episode, uh uh episode 37, uh it did say that it was from a magic mushroom trip.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_01: Uh that's how it started?
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's like the initial seed for the uh for how the character ended up looking came from.
• 49:51
  Matt: Oh, from looking.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so I was um in a park here uh in in the city of Hamilton, enjoying a nice summer day, kind of just taking a day off, uh, ate a bunch of mushrooms, went to the park on my own, and and I my only uh goal was to stay in the park until I was coming down.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_01: So five or six hours.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_01: So just enjoying uh you know a quiet park.
• 50:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_01: And and throughout the day, the the we have a band shell there.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's this blue kind of half dome uh thing sticking out of the ground.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_01: And uh there was a religious group that had a permit for the day to use the band shell, and they they were all kind of going up on stage and talking about how they found Jesus.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_01: And and as I as the mushrooms were kind of hitting me, uh they all started to sound like Charlie Brown's parents to me.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it was relatively positive, you know, they were all telling me.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, touching stories, and and I was kind of laying there in the grass and and uh you know, I saw this band shell and I thought that looks like the eye of a of a creature that's like locked in the park.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's like stuck in the stuck in the ground, uh kind of like a troll would be uh created if it stayed out uh past sunrise.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you know.
• 51:06
  Eric: God I love a good Tolkien reference.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so um that was like the initial kind of idea, like, oh, there's a creature, there's like this entity in the park, I'm gonna unlock it, I'm gonna set it free.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and it wasn't until maybe about a year later, after a bunch of conversations with friends, about about this project I was thinking about starting, and and uh this creature I was gonna create, this this entity.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_01: And um, and so yeah, the it was the inspiration for the character from there.
• 51:35
  Eric: That's beautiful, man.
• 51:37
  Eric: Holy crap.
• 51:39
  Matt: The so okay, so when you're out, what is generally the reaction?
• 51:44
  Matt: Because I feel like you've gathered quite a following at this point.
• 51:48
  Matt: You have a lot of Instagram follow thousands of Instagram followers.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_01: I I um it's it's all people is it are people over it?
• 51:56
  Matt: Like people just be like, Oh yeah, there goes Lewis.
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's some people who are super used to me.
• 52:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh my studio is right downtown, and and I chose a downtown studio uh, you know, so that I would have kind of easier access to a larger population.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_01: And um, and there's there's a lot of characters in the city to begin with.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there always kind of has been.
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_01: Hamilton's known for having a bunch of characters.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um and so I just was kind of like, yeah, I'll fit in.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but people are, you know, generally 99% of the time, it's like people are are happy and and uh you know, we'll will like wave or say hi or or yell, you know, good things, but sometimes it's not some people don't like me.
• 52:38
  Eric: That that was gonna be like my follow-up is like is like what is the most like negative interaction you've had if you don't uh no no for sure.
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_01: I I've definitely been accosted.
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um it was something that I kind of figured would happen, knowing human nature and and uh you know, um, and just like you know, you see mascots out, you know, uh at Disney World or wherever, and they always have like somebody watching the back, right?
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_01: Because people like to to uh mess with them.
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, so I figured you know it's gonna happen sooner or later, and it was just a risk I was willing to take, figuring, you know, I'll just deal with it when it happens.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I can't say that people attacked me because they didn't like me.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I think they're just you know misguided youth.
• 53:21
  Eric: Sure.
• 53:22
  SPEAKER_01: Or or uh another instance was uh some people that were under the influence of of uh one drug or another, or or maybe more than two, definitely, but yeah, like holes punched in the costume, parts broken off of it, um, that kind of thing.
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_01: And and it's you know it's not scary, it's just annoying.
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, uh, because then I gotta come back and fix it, and and you know, I try to I I don't really react, I just kind of get out of there, right?
• 53:50
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't want to make it worse, I just de-escalate, get get the hell out of there, and and come back to my studio and like immediately fix it.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's just paper mache, so it's easy to fix.
• 53:59
  Matt: Yeah.
• 53:59
  Matt: Do you um do you speak generally when you're in the costume, or is it no?
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_01: I really try not to.
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_01: Uh when I'm in the traditional costume, like when it's just my legs that are like the only kind of human part.
• 54:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, to see.
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I when I'm in that costume, I just use like a hunter's duck call, which I don't know how to use properly.
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_01: I just use it like a kazoo and and and you know, try to keep try to stay in character.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I'll I'll stifle my laughter because quite often people will make me laugh with how they react or or the silly dad jokes people throw at me, which of course I don't have any prepared.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_01: Uh but when just when I think I've heard them all, there's somebody hits me with a new one and I'm like, wow, good enough.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_01: Dads will deliver, don't worry about it.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_01: They they do not disappoint.
• 54:51
  Matt: No.
• 54:51
  Matt: No.
• 54:52
  Matt: I I kind of figured you must get accosted because although I've never done something to this level, the I did a performance once with my theater company in Baltimore where I don't know if you've seen those like soccer bubbles, these like inflatable bubble suits.
• 55:07
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 55:08
  Matt: We did we did a uh a performance at the Inner Harbor in in Baltimore of the with these bubble suits on.
• 55:19
  Matt: But our our staging area was far from the stage.
• 55:22
  Matt: So we had a walk there, and it was during this festival, and people slapped the bubbles and punched us.
• 55:29
  Matt: And actually, I think I have a video of it happening once on on my personal Instagram, what underscore Shay said, uh, on Instagram.
• 55:37
  Matt: But the um but I could probably if I can dig it up, I'll put it on ours too.
• 55:42
  Matt: But the but but yeah, I don't know what it is about human nature, but it does uh there's people feel they have a permission to cost, as you say.
• 55:52
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 55:53
  Matt: Maybe it's so maybe they think it's so fluffy or so padded that like they can hit it without causing pain to the person, maybe.
• 56:02
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 56:02
  Eric: Well, also, yeah, and when you put on like the when you have basically an avatar or something you're acting through, it it it removes like a layer of human like from the human equation.
• 56:15
  Eric: It's it's for sure.
• 56:16
  Eric: It's like it's like when you go to an aquarium or a zoo or like anything, like it's that human nature, like I gotta tap on the glass.
• 56:22
  Eric: Like I gotta see if I can so the fish know you're there.
• 56:26
  Eric: Yeah, yes.
• 56:28
  Eric: And and mind you, that's not excusing anything.
• 56:30
  Eric: It's just like I'm like, that's that's the same kind of like place in my mind that operates as like that human nature of like, I gotta like this doesn't seem real.
• 56:38
  Eric: I gotta, I gotta make sure it's real by knocking against it.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, people definitely do like to knock on it and touch and try to figure out what it's made out of, and and they'll ask me all sorts of questions.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and some people will get clever and and you know, like one quack for yes, two quacks for no, because I don't, you know, answer the questions.
• 56:55
  Eric: Sure, yeah.
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_01: And then they'll ask me a question and and then I'll give them three quacks and run away.
• 57:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like I you know, I'm just not uh I don't like to hang around in one spot for too long because I I don't want to draw a crowd.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like I want to draw a crowd, but I don't want the crowd to form around me.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like I always try to keep a way out and and uh and stay as visible as possible in a sense, like the the bad interactions I've had of when I've been isolated.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_01: There's this one guy who who ran at me at full speed, yelling like fuck you, duck, punching his hand, and right as he came up to my face, he he opened up like he was gonna punch me, and then he just didn't.
• 57:33
  SPEAKER_01: So, like I I was like, I got ready to get hit in my mind.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, and he was like this little rhinoceros, short, thick, you know, and I was like, This is gonna hurt, and and then it just didn't happen, and then I had this crazy like adrenaline dump after that, and probably walked home all shaky like yeah, of course.
• 57:53
  Eric: You know, like water off a duck, just slipped off.
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_01: So sometimes I have a a a friend or or or somebody who'll come out with me and uh and help out.
• 58:06
  SPEAKER_01: A protector, yeah, just to watch my back and uh and that kind of thing.
• 58:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because I I can't see behind me at all.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um sure, of course not.
• 58:14
  Eric: Yeah, which which seems like a good public service announcement time.
• 58:17
  Eric: Friends, if you have friends who do performance art or anything like that, and you know, and then you know they're going up by their side by themselves, maybe offer to go with them, keep an eye out, watch their back.
• 58:27
  Eric: I bet you they'll super appreciate it.
• 58:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, super appreciate it.
• 58:30
  Eric: Oh, it's yeah.
• 58:32
  Eric: Don't do it for us.
• 58:34
  Eric: Do it for Lewis.
• 58:35
  Eric: Do it for Lewis.
• 58:36
  Eric: Do it for Lewis.
• 58:37
  SPEAKER_01: Do it for art.
• 58:39
  Matt: Do it for art.
• 58:40
  Matt: Just win win one for the quacker.
• 58:42
  Matt: Does anyone try to give you bread?
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, one time somebody did uh from a restaurant, they ran out from a restaurant and threw croutons in my mouth.
• 58:52
  Matt: Yeah.
• 58:53
  Matt: Which can of course kill the duck, we know.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, which was annoying because I I at the time that that costume I didn't have the ability to uh to clear out the mouth, you know.
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_01: I I've since built one where I can I use my my arm as the tongue.
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_01: So I wear like a pink sock on my hand, and I stick I stick my hand out the mouth, and it's like a a gross tongue.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_01: Brilliant.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so people do hand me things from time to time, but I'll I'll also like do deliveries of like things that people buy for me.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_01: And uh and then I'll just if it fits out the mouth, I will hand it to them out the mouth.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, I I squat down and poop it out on the ground and make them pick it up.
• 59:32
  Eric: Oh god, the more I learn, the more I love this just so much.
• 59:36
  Matt: I can't I cannot imagine someone uh running up to you and being cruel or being mean or not liking it because this is such uh I feel like I would treat this like such a beloved part of our community if I was in Hamilton.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_01: I I try to keep it simple and and and innocent, uh as innocent as possible.
• 59:58
  Eric: I'm well I'm really happy and grateful that you do have a community where you get to like do that because like they I I can tell you right now, like I'm I hesitate to suggest like people doing this anywhere like near where I live or like in the city, like in the inner harbor in Baltimore, you could get away with it, but like for the most part, people would be dicks, like they're just not like very generous in that sense.
• 1:00:23
  Matt: Yeah, I wouldn't go running off to your newly acquired Detroit, for example, no and try to do this.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_01: I think it it it depends on the time of day and and the neighborhood.
• 1:00:33
  SPEAKER_01: Uh for me, yeah.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_01: I I I I'm comfortable going out alone in the mornings.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_01: I quite often go out in the morning, uh, like seven, eight, nine o'clock in the morning.
• 1:00:43
  SPEAKER_01: Ducks do.
• 1:00:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, people get aggressive at night for sure.
• 1:00:48
  SPEAKER_01: So you can totally feel the shift in energy from people.
• 1:00:51
  SPEAKER_01: And uh so yeah, I only go out at night with somebody watching my back.
• 1:00:55
  Eric: Have you ever had an interaction with another duck?
• 1:01:01
  Eric: Like uh a smaller duck.
• 1:01:03
  Eric: Whoa, I wanted to avoid the terms real duck, Matthew.
• 1:01:08
  Eric: Yeah, but the question stands.
• 1:01:11
  SPEAKER_01: I I have I have come across all sorts of different wildlife in the costume.
• 1:01:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, generally uh uh animals are absolutely terrified of me.
• 1:01:21
  Eric: Oh, I'm sure.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like little little dogs are about the only thing that that aren't really afraid of me.
• 1:01:26
  SPEAKER_01: That you know, I don't know if they can't maybe they can't see up that high.
• 1:01:30
  Matt: Uh oh no, if you're talking about like a chihuahua, for example, they're not afraid of anything.
• 1:01:34
  Matt: Yeah, they do not know fear.
• 1:01:36
  SPEAKER_01: But medium to large size dogs are usually always terrified of me.
• 1:01:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's like they'll they'll like pull out of the leash, they're so afraid of me.
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_01: That scans.
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_01: And uh so I try to avoid uh people with dogs, you know, just for for their own sake.
• 1:01:50
  Eric: As common courtesy.
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_01: But I've I've tried to like interact with with different birds, uh, for sure.
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um you know, we're there's a a lot of areas uh in the city here where you can find ducks and geese and that kind of stuff, and uh it's all within walking distance of where I am.
• 1:02:04
  SPEAKER_01: And but yeah, they just run away from me before I can get uh even a decent picture of of a group of us, you know.
• 1:02:11
  SPEAKER_01: I I I I haven't uh tried too many approaches.
• 1:02:14
  SPEAKER_01: I should because I think it would make some good photos.
• 1:02:17
  Eric: Oh, absolutely.
• 1:02:18
  Eric: If we can get a if we can get a duck perched on you, oh say goodnight.
• 1:02:23
  Eric: You just won the internet.
• 1:02:25
  Matt: So uh unfortunately, Lewis, I think uh we're just about at at time for our conversation here today.
• 1:02:34
  Matt: Um, but you know, this whole and Eric, I think you know, this whole conversation's essentially been a circle back follow-up.
• 1:02:41
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:02:41
  Matt: So um I I I think I we have to invite you to join us for the end of the show here, Lewis, because I don't think we have time for a closing segment, Eric.
• 1:02:49
  Eric: Yeah, you just get to hang out with us for these this last minute or so.
• 1:02:53
  SPEAKER_01: Excellent.
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I wasn't gonna hang up anyway, I was just gonna stay here and be awkward.
• 1:02:58
  SPEAKER_01: So yes, for all future episodes.
• 1:03:01
  Eric: That makes three of us.
• 1:03:02
  Matt: Yeah, uh much preferable.
• 1:03:05
  Matt: So, Lewis, do you have anything uh you'd like to promote on our humble little platform?
• 1:03:10
  Matt: I know you have uh or just some duck hunts on your Instagram I've seen.
• 1:03:14
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, I from time to time I I do uh a duck hunt.
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_01: And what is that exactly?
• 1:03:19
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I I kind of just load up with with plastic eggs, uh Easter eggs, if you will, you know, uh and fill them with with little things.
• 1:03:29
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the stickers, sometimes it's a tiny little painting, um various things like you will.
• 1:03:35
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 1:03:36
  SPEAKER_01: And and then I invite people to to come and find me at a park and uh and ask, you know, for an egg.
• 1:03:43
  SPEAKER_01: And if I have one, I will hand it over.
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_01: If I don't, I will apologize and take a photo with you and uh we will all be on our way.
• 1:03:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um but I don't have too much to advertise other than check out my social media uh and uh I I'm gonna be doing uh a lot of stuff around here, hopefully a little bit of traveling around uh southern Ontario this uh early summer, uh trying to take the show on the road a little bit, uh get in some different communities.
• 1:04:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, uh I I like showing up in different places because people are really confused and and I get a more genuine reaction out of them.
• 1:04:18
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_01: It kind of does more what I wanted it to do, is is be like, you know, it's a real like odd part of your day where it's like, I saw this and I don't understand what it is.
• 1:04:27
  Matt: I saw this duck today.
• 1:04:28
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're interested enough, then you do a little research and you find me, and that's how a lot of people find me.
• 1:04:33
  Eric: Excellent.
• 1:04:34
  Eric: Uh I I think just what almost related to this.
• 1:04:37
  Eric: Is there anything you'd like to say uh to our listeners uh on behalf of ducks everywhere?
• 1:04:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we don't like bread.
• 1:04:46
  SPEAKER_01: Give us like green peas.
• 1:04:49
  Eric: Okay, noted.
• 1:04:50
  SPEAKER_01: Noted, yes.
• 1:04:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, don't give me green peas, but if you're gonna feed actual birds, uh waterfowl, yeah, don't give them peas.
• 1:04:58
  Matt: Yeah, because isn't it it's deadly, isn't it?
• 1:05:00
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 1:05:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's just not good, it's not good for you, it's not good for them.
• 1:05:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's not real food.
• 1:05:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, give them peas.
• 1:05:06
  Eric: All right, peas and the message is peas.
• 1:05:10
  Eric: A pease them.
• 1:05:11
  Eric: Uh peas.
• 1:05:13
  Matt: Peas be with you.
• 1:05:14
  Matt: And also with you.
• 1:05:15
  Matt: Uh and with your spirit.
• 1:05:17
  Matt: So uh well then that'll about do it for for all three of us here at You Didn't Ask for uh This.
• 1:05:26
  Matt: I almost fucked up the name of our shower.
• 1:05:29
  Matt: Uh the you you can of course check out Lewis Mallard's uh Instagram at Lewis underscored Mallard.
• 1:05:37
  Matt: Excuse me.
• 1:05:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's spelled like Mallard, but it's pretty much Mallard.
• 1:05:42
  Matt: Well, French Canadian, of course.
• 1:05:44
  Matt: Um so uh Lewis underscore Millard.
• 1:05:47
  Matt: Uh we'll link it on our post for this show as well, as well as in our show notes.
• 1:05:51
  Matt: We'll put it in the show notes, of course, from the the you didn't ask for this uh side of things.
• 1:05:56
  Matt: Submit your questions.
• 1:05:57
  Matt: Oh yeah, submit your local legends, such as Lewis Millard here, of course.
• 1:06:03
  Matt: Uh to us at uh you didn't ask for this gmail.com, all spelled out, or you at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:06:12
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, uh, and call the thought line, of course.
• 1:06:19
  Matt: If you'd like to leave us a voicemail, that number is 410-929-5329.
• 1:06:26
  Matt: Eric, I think that's all the business for us today.
• 1:06:28
  Matt: Do you got any more business?
• 1:06:30
  Matt: I got no business, Matthew.
• 1:06:32
  Matt: Well, then, from all of us here that you didn't ask for this.
• 1:06:36
  Matt: My name's Matt Shay.
• 1:06:38
  SPEAKER_01: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:06:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, uh, I and I'm supposed to talk there.
• 1:06:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Lewis Millard.
• 1:06:42
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:06:43
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you guys for having me.
• 1:06:44
  SPEAKER_01: Nailed it.
• 1:06:45
  Matt: Thank you for being here, Lewis.
• 1:06:47
  Matt: And listen, for everybody else, you didn't ask.
• 1:06:50
  Eric: But once we have united the Dakotas, is it only fair that we install Dakota fanning as governor?
• 1:07:01
  Eric: As governor and put it uh put her on the flag.
• 1:07:04
  Eric: Oh, oh yeah, Dakota fanning's going on the flag.
• 1:07:08
  Eric: I mean, well, that's that's sorry, that's up to you, Canada, that's up to Canada, but that's up to Lewis.
• 1:07:12
  Eric: We do have a dossier of recommendations for the flag.
• 1:07:15
  Eric: Lewis's problem now.