Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 185. Why Setting Boundaries Is a Gift to Your Adult Child

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185. Why Setting Boundaries Is a Gift to Your Adult Child · The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom

• 0:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Christian parenting.
• 0:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey mama, I'm Pamela Hinklman and you're listening to the Midlife Mama podcast, the show for Christian moms who want to watch their kids well and actually enjoy their empty nest.
• 0:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a certified empty nest coach, speaker, and mom of five adult kids.
• 0:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know the challenges the season brings from letting go, the setting healthy boundaries to rediscovering your purpose and reconnecting with your husband.
• 0:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each week, I'll be your guide, offering heartfelt conversations, faith-filled encouragement and practical strategies to help you thrive in the next chapter.
• 0:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: My husband and I are loving the emptiness years and I have strong growing relationships with my adult kids.
• 0:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I want the same for you.
• 0:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: And don't miss the end of each episode.
• 0:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll share a quick coaching tip.
• 0:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can apply right away to improve your relationship with your kids or your spouse.
• 1:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: One favor before we dive in.
• 1:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you find this episode helpful, would you leave a rating and review?
• 1:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: It helps other moms discover the show.
• 1:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a link in the show notes with instructions.
• 1:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Make sure you're following the podcast so you don't miss a single episode.
• 1:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's get started.
• 1:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey mama, welcome back to the Midlife Mama Podcast, the place for faith friendship and real talk for Christian emptiness moms.
• 1:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Today we're leaning into a topic that's close to my heart.
• 1:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if I'm honest, a little tricky for many of us, setting boundaries with our adult children.
• 1:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you've ever wrestled with guilt for saying no, worry that boundaries might push your child away or felt stretch so thin that you have nothing less to give.
• 1:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: This conversation is for you.
• 1:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to talk about why boundaries aren't selfish, but one of the greatest gifts you can give your adult child and yourself.
• 1:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: So grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and let's dive in.
• 1:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Many Christian midlife moms silently wrestle with the idea of setting boundaries, especially when it comes to their adult children.
• 2:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: We've been conditioned to believe that boundaries are harsh, unloving, or even a form of punishment for a child who's struggling.
• 2:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Church culture often reinforces the message that a godly woman should always sacrifice, always say yes, always put her family first, no matter the cost.
• 2:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And over time, this well-meaning belief can lead to exhaustion, resentment, and relationships that feel anything but healthy.
• 2:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: But here's the truth.
• 2:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: The way you love your children needs to mature as they do.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: When they were little, love looked like meeting their every need.
• 2:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Late night cuddles, scraped knees, and lunch boxes packed with care.
• 2:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: But now that their adults love looks different, it looks like wisdom, respect, and healthy boundaries.
• 2:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: As Christian counselor Leslie Vernex says, boundaries aren't to push people away.
• 3:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: But to create the space where love can grow safely.
• 3:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Setting boundaries isn't selfish.
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  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not unkind.
• 3:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: It may be one of the greatest gifts we could offer our adult child because boundaries pave the way for we expect growth in lasting connections.
• 3:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: So let's look at six reasons why setting boundaries are a gift to our adult children.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Reason number one.
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Boundaries are love with limits.
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: At their core, boundaries aren't about control.
• 3:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're about clarity and care.
• 3:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: They help you recognize where your responsibility ends and your adult child begins.
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Boundaries remind you that while you love deeply, you are not responsible for managing your child's life, emotions or outcomes.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Think of a boundary like a fence around your yard, not a wall to keep people out, but a clear marker of where your space begins.
• 3:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a gate, and you get to decide who comes in and what stays out.
• 4:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: That gate is guided by wisdom, not guilt, by grace, and not fear.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you set healthy boundaries, you're not withholding love.
• 4:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're offering it in a form that honors both you and your child.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're saying, I love you enough to let you grow.
• 4:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I trust you enough to let you take responsibility for your own choices.
• 4:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I respect myself enough to protect my emotional and spiritual well-being.
• 4:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, boundaries aren't selfish, their mature, Christ-centered love.
• 4:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Reason number two, what you need boundaries, is that boundaries protect your capacity to love well.
• 4:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Boundaries aren't just about saying no, they're about preserving your God-given capacity.
• 4:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: When healthy boundaries are in place, you're no longer stretched so thin that you have nothing left to give.
• 4:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: You have space to breathe to think clearly, to show up fully, not just for your adult child, but for your marriage and your friendships, you're calling and your own soul.
• 5:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Boundaries are like a protective shield around your emotional, mental, and spiritual energy.
• 5:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: They give you margin to rest, to laugh, to reconnect with God.
• 5:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: and to enjoy this season of life instead of resenting it.
• 5:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And here's the beautiful part.
• 5:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: When your cup is full, you love better.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: You listen more patiently, you speak with kindness, you serve from a place to joy, not obligation.
• 5:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Reason number three, boundaries are the gift.
• 5:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is that boundaries quiet the resentment in your heart?
• 5:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Resentment is like a warning light on your dashboard.
• 5:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: It lets you know something is off.
• 5:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: It shows up when you've said yes out of guilt, fear, or obligation instead of loving freedom.
• 5:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: You feel it when you agree to something, but deep down you feel used unseen or stretched to thin.
• 6:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's a sign that your boundaries have been crossed, or maybe not clearly defined at all.
• 6:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: But when you start honoring your own capacity and calmly say, that doesn't work for me.
• 6:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Something beautiful happens.
• 6:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: The resentment fades.
• 6:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: You begin to feel empowered, not pressured, peaceful, not bitter.
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Healthy boundaries don't just protect your schedule.
• 6:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: They heal your soul.
• 6:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: They allow you to live from a place of joy, not depletion.
• 6:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: You become more grateful, more present, and more able to praise God, because you're no longer pouring from an empty cup.
• 6:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're loving, from a full one.
• 6:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: You want to raise your kids and grandkids to no love and follow Jesus, but let's be honest parenting with faith in today's world can feel overwhelming.
• 6:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: The mid-life mama podcast is part of the Christian parenting podcast network.
• 7:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Christian parenting exists to equip you with the practical tools and encouragement and biblical wisdom you need to lead your kids and grandkids and faith confidently.
• 7:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't want to miss Christian parenting's Friday favorites newsletter.
• 7:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each week you would be sent a quick practical parenting tips based building resources and encouragement straight to your inbox, so you'll never feel alone on this journey.
• 7:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here's something special just for podcast listeners.
• 7:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you sign up today, Christian parenting will send you a free copy of the discipleship, simplified digital guide.
• 7:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's packed with easy-to-use resources
• 7:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Conversation starters and scripts to help you confidently answer your kids and grandkids' tough faith questions.
• 7:44
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• 7:45
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• 7:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: That CPPodcast.org or just click the link in the show notes.
• 7:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's get back to our conversation.
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Reason number four, why boundaries are gift to your child, is that boundaries clarify responsibility for you and your adult child.
• 8:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: One of the greatest gifts boundaries offer is clarity, especially when it comes to knowing who is responsible for what?
• 8:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: As a mom, it's so easy to slide into fixing, rescuing, or manage things your adult child to be handling on their own.
• 8:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: But boundaries gently shift the weight off your shoulders and place it where it belongs on them.
• 8:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are no longer responsible for your adult child.
• 8:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are responsible to them.
• 8:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: That means that you show up with love, wisdom and support, but you don't carry what's theirs to carry.
• 8:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: You stop micromanaging their finances, worrying andlessly about their relationships or stepping in to soften every hard moment.
• 8:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why?
• 8:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because doing for them what they can do for themselves doesn't help them.
• 9:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: It stuns them.
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when your adult child becomes responsible for their own choices, career path, finances, marriage, and emotional well-being, they grow.
• 9:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you release that weight, you grow into a healthier, freer, and more joyful version of yourself.
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Reason number five, the boundaries are gift.
• 9:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is that boundaries for you to embrace what God has next for you?
• 9:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: That emptiness isn't the end of your story.
• 9:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's the beginning of a sacred new chapter, and with healthy, meaningful boundaries in place, you finally have the space to pursue what God has placed on your heart.
• 9:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, all those dreams you took away while raising your kids,
• 9:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: That creative spark, the calling, the passion project that always felt just out of reach, this is the season to rediscover those parts of yourself, not with guilt, but with joyful permission.
• 10:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Boundaries give you the margin to explore again, to start a ministry, launch a business, write a book, travel, pick up a paintbrush, or simply enjoy quiet mornings with Jesus.
• 10:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not abandoning your role as a mom.
• 10:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're just no longer living as if your identity begins and ends there.
• 10:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Reason number six why boundaries are a gift.
• 10:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Boundaries align your family with God's will.
• 10:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: As moms, our hearts long for our children to walk in God's purpose, but sometimes in our desire to help, we are knowingly getting the way of his work.
• 10:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: When we rescue too quickly, control too tightly or carry what God never asked us to carry, we risk interrupting the refining work He wants to do in their lives and in ours.
• 10:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Boundaries are a powerful way to step back and say, Lord, I trust you more than I trust my ability to fix this.
• 11:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: With healthy boundaries in place, you're no longer inserting yourself into situations that aren't yours to solve.
• 11:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Instead, you're honoring God's timeline and is teaching process in your adult child's life.
• 11:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're modeling what it means to surrender that out of fear, but out of fate.
• 11:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Boundaries may feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable, for our generation of moms, but make no mistake.
• 11:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: They are deeply rooted in God's heart for healthy relationships.
• 11:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Setting boundaries isn't selfish, it's sacred, it's a holy awakening, an invitation to grow in wisdom, trust, and love.
• 11:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's God's during something new in both us and our grown children.
• 11:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: When boundaries are in place, growth happens, connection deepened, peace returns.
• 11:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And for perhaps the first time in a long time, your needs and your voice no longer get lost in the shuffle.
• 12:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not just creating space, you're creating legacy, one marked by grace, maturity, and a deep trust in the God who holds your whole family in his hands.
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here's your coaching tip for the week.
• 12:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: In each episode, I will give you one actionable step to improve your life.
• 12:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, you can't change everything, but you can take one step to be better.
• 12:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: This week, I want you to think of one area where you feel stretched to capacity and you'd like to create a boundary.
• 12:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Pray about it and then take the brave step to set the boundary.
• 12:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can do it.
• 12:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Friend, I hope today's episode reminded you that boundaries are not walls to shut people out, but gates to let love flow freely safely and respectfully.
• 12:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you set healthy limits, you're not just protecting your peace.
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're giving your adult child the space to grow thrive and take ownership of their life.
• 13:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Until next time, remember, you can love your kids deeply while still honoring your own heart.
• 13:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Grace and Peace Mama, you've got this and God's got you.
• 13:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not alone in this journey and I'm cheering you on.
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for spending time with me on the Midlife Mama Podcast.
• 13:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you leave each episode feeling a little more encouraged, equipped, and seen, because that's what this space is all about.
• 13:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Through the stories, insights, and conversations we share here, I'm coaching you through the ups and downs of the emptiness, helping you rediscover purpose, deepen faith, and enjoy this new season of life.
• 13:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're ready for an even more personalized support, I'd love to invite you to book a free connection column.
• 13:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: The link is in the show notes, and we'll talk about how I can walk alongside you as your coach.
• 13:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And let's stay connected.
• 13:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Follow me on Instagram at P-Hanklman.
• 13:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's P-H-E-N-K-E-L-M-A-N, or come find me on Facebook at Pamela Hanklman, M-D-Nest Coach.
• 14:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to figure this all out on your own, Mama.
• 14:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm here for you when you're ready.