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The Family You Build - Hypnosis to Cultivate Love and Acceptance for Parenthood · The Hypnotist

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Welcome to The Hypnotist, the show that gives you inside
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access to cutting edge hypnosis with real clients facing
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genuine. Issues.
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Brought to you by The Hypnotherapist, demanded by
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celebrities CE OS and even royalty Adam Cox, these
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recordings took place live from Evans Clinic in London's world
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famous Harley Street. So get yourself comfortable and
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enjoy today's episode of The Hypnotist.
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Hi, it's Adam here. You're about to listen to a
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hypnosis session about quite a specific fear or insecurity.
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And I was working with a client that had recently been married
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and was planning a family. And one of the things that they
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were considering is having a family that was combined of
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biological children and adopted children.
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And initially when they thought about the idea, they had lots of
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very visceral feelings that were negative against the idea.
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And logically they had got to a point where they thought
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actually it could be a really good thing that they would want
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to do. This is the hypnosis session to
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help them fully accept that there would be challenges
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connected with that path, but they have the capabilities and
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resources to more than meet that particular challenge.
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So if you have any kind of fears about being a parent, for
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example, or fears as to whether or not you could be a good
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enough parent or. Dealing with.
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Difficulty with your children. These are the kind of themes
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that are included in this hypnosis session.
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And it does connect to this idea of being a parent to a child
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that may not be biologically yours but is still part of your
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family. And that might be a stepparent
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having this kind of mixed or hybrid family, or it might be a
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foster child or an adopted child.
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These are the kind of things that get connected to this
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session now. In the past, I would have talked
2:14
about offering a free consultation call to anyone
2:17
interested in working with me. I no longer offer free
2:20
consultation calls. All consultation calls are paid,
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but if you like the idea of working with me and aren't ready
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to buy a consultation call, I've actually created a webinar that
2:30
does a lot of the things that the free consultation call was
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covering before. And that webinar is 100% free.
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And I cover a lot of how I work and how hypnosis works, what it
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does, what it doesn't do. And there's suggestibility tests
2:45
in that webinar and some very special bonuses at the end of
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that webinar as well. So if you're interested in
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hearing me talk for about an hour on that webinar, there will
2:56
be a link in the description. For now, though, I'd like you to
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find a quiet, comfortable place where you won't be distracted or
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disturbed. Relax and enjoy the session.
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Take a deep breath in, and as you breathe in, breathe in that
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resourceful feeling of calm and relaxation.
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And as you exhale, that's it. Just allow your eyelids to feel
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heavy and with your eyes closed, notice how much easier it
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becomes to focus on the sound of my voice.
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That's it. Position your body in a way
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where relaxation is inevitable, that you can breathe in
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relaxation and exhale tension. Each breath feels like a release
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valve, just letting go of any unsettled emotions.
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And the deeper you breathe, the more relaxed you feel.
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And the more relaxed you feel, the deeper you breathe.
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As your body relaxes, your imagination awakens and I wonder
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if you could imagine a pathway on Cliff tops by the ocean in
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San Diego. Imagine blue skies, the sound of
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waves there in the distance. And I wonder if you could
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imagine a staircase, maybe wooden stairs or maybe stairs
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built into the cliffs that take you down from the Cliff top to
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the shore. And very soon as I count down
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from 12:50, I want you to imagine what it would feel like
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to walk from the Cliff tops down to the beach, closer to the
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ocean. Your unconscious already knows
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this Trip down the staircase is a metaphor representing moving
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from the conscious to the unconscious, from the logic to
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the emotion. And as you imagine going down
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the stairs, you start to appreciate how much of the
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logical work you've already done.
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The research, the analysis, the facts, and the stats.
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But this is a journey into the emotion.
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Counting from 12:50. Just imagine walking down the
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staircase. Each descending number takes you
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deeper and deeper. Relaxed. 10 that first step.
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Maybe there's a breeze, maybe there's sunshine.
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Nine, another step down that staircase.
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And I want you to imagine that each number gets you 10% closer
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to the beach. Maybe that's a few steps, eight,
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another step down. Just feeling a wave of
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relaxation going from your facial muscles down your neck
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down down into your arms as eight becomes 7.
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Even feel your internal organs starting to relax.
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Your heart relaxes, your stomach relaxes, even your lungs as
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seven becomes 6, now very close to getting halfway.
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As five you hit the halfway mark, halfway down from the
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Cliff tops to the beach as five becomes 4.
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Just feel your arms and legs feeling limp, loose and heavy. 3
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continuing down. Maybe there is the smell of the
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salt air, maybe there is a texture of sand that you can
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feel underneath your feet. 5 becomes 4 becomes 3.
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Now 2/3 of the way down toward the beach there, and maybe it's
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close to sunset, or maybe it's in the middle of the day.
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A connect without feeling of peace, tranquility.
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And here in your imagination you have the whole beach and the
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whole Cliff top just for you, no one else around.
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This is a journey of solitude, of connection, allowing
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emotional breakthroughs that enhance, empower and perhaps
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open more awareness as three becomes 2.
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Getting close now to the beach, two becomes one for the ripple
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of relaxation from your toes to the top of your head, down to
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the fingertips and one becomes zero.
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And imagine feeling grounded as your barefoot there on the sand,
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looking up at the Cliff top, seeing how far you've come down.
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And I want you to imagine finding the most comfortable
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chair there on the beach, the kind of care chair that should
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not be on the beach. Maybe a luxurious recliner, soft
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and comfortable. And just imagine climbing into
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that chair there where the sand meets the ocean, each breath
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taking you deeper and deeper, relaxed, opening the full power
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of neural plasticity to enable wonderful positive changes.
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And you know, there's the vibrancy in the yellow, the
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oranges of the cliffs, the shades and hues of blue in the
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sea, in the sky. But I want you to connect
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inwards, deep within. Let's call this deep within your
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quiet centre, the place where the most important understanding
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settle. The thoughts become ideas, ideas
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become beliefs, and beliefs become natural ways of thinking.
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And you've wondered many times about what Love Actually is,
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because there's a version of love that arrives automatically,
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without effort. And there is another love that
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is built deliberately, day by day, through presence and
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attention, that accumulation of shared experiences.
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And you know what is true about both versions of love, but
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neither is deeper than the other.
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By nature, the what determines the depth of love is not the
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mechanisms by which it began, but the quality of attention
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that has been given to it across time.
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And you already know this from direct experience, because the
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love you feel for those, maybe a nephew, a dog, a pet, those who
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did not come from you, who came into your life and lodged
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themselves there regardless, help make you understand without
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preparation. But your heart and your capacity
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for love, perhaps, was larger than you had estimated it to be.
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That was not a smaller love, because it was not biological.
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It was simply love, full and real and entirely yours.
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And every father who has ever held a child in their arms for
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the first time, regardless of how that child came to be in his
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arms, has connected with a very special shift.
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The particular shift that happens when responsibility
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fuses with devotion, When the abstract idea of a child becomes
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this specific, irreplaceable person who needs you and who you
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discover, you are willing to reorganize yourself entirely to
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serve. And I want you to get a sense
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that anyone I can father a child, anyone that produces
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sperm has that capacity, but very few have the capacity
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through choice, decisions, intentions to truly be the
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father. I wonder if there's a part
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within that already. Know that you have the capacity
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to love, and that love will exist for every child in your
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family, and it won't require manufacture, affirmations or
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effort. It will grow naturally from the
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same source that genuine love has always grown from, presence,
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commitment, and the simple daily practice of showing up and doing
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what needs to be done. Because love is what you do, not
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only what you feel and the bonds you build through presence and
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commitment, they can grow to full depth every time, with
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every child who becomes yours. A.
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Parent does not love all their children identically because no
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two children are identical. A great parent loves each child
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completely, specifically for exactly who that child is, and
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that completeness is the same for each one, regardless of how
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they arrived. And you could think of it the
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way a Craftsman thinks about their work.
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That every piece they produce receives their full attention,
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complete skill, entire care. And the fact that one piece was
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made with different materials or began in different circumstances
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doesn't mean it receives a fraction of what another
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received. It receives everything because
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everything is what this Craftsman brings to every piece
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that they work on. And the children in your family
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will be different in the ways all children are different from
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each other. Personality, temperament,
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interests in the specific ways they need to be loved and
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challenged and supported, and that ability.
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To be. Flexible.
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Intuitive not to treat them identically, but to treat each
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of them completely, and your unconscious already understands
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how to do this. Because it.
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Understands that complete love. Is not a.
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Finite resource. There is no. 0 sum game here.
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Complete love multiplies and does not divide.
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Every child. You love adds to the total
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rather than reducing anyone else's share.
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It's one of the. Genuinely counter intuitive
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facts of parenthood. The more you.
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Love, the more love you have to give.
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And there is. Something worth understanding.
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About those? Challenges that not may come
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with parenting, but will come. They.
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Come with every child in every family, the challenges are not
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evident that something has gone wrong and.
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They're not. Mechanisms from which the most
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important things happen. I want you to.
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Get a feeling that. The very.
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Things through which children develop character, resilience,
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and the particular kind of wisdom that only comes from
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having been gone through something difficult, in fact.
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The bigger the. Challenge is.
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The more. Opportunity for growth.
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That is true for your children and equally true for you.
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Because you are. Someone who has intentionally
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sought out difficulty. You've.
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Understood intuitively that the version of yourself forged
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through genuine challenge is more capable and more real than
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the version that took the easy Rd. that never encountered
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resistance. People don't get stronger by
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lifting light weights. They get.
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Stronger by lifting weights beyond their capability and the
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body adapts. And I wonder just how many
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skills and enhancement to your character, your thinking, your
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capabilities will come. In this.
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Journey of parenthood and the children that have known
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difficulty before they arrive carry something with them
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because of it. Not only.
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Wounds, but also resources. A resilience built early and
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tested already, a knowledge of their own capacity to survive.
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Things that were hard. You won't.
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Be asked to fix what they carry. You.
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Will be asked to accept, to understand, to help them manage
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their own path through their journey, to help them become
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strong, capable, perhaps even formidable.
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And. The moments of greatest
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difficulty in your family's life together.
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Those. Misunderstandings.
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The friction. The.
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Conversations that are hard to begin and even harder to finish.
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These are not. Failures of the family.
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They are the. Family becoming stronger, bonds
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and boundaries being tested and discovered.
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And. There is no bond quite as
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durable. As the.
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One that has been tested. And has been.
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Held consider a great tree. Not a young.
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One but an established 1. The.
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Kind of tree that has been in place long enough to a developed
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roots that go deep and wide below the surface.
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Roots that. Hold through weather that would
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overturn something shallower. The tree does not ask how each
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branch came to exist before it decides how much water to send
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to it. It sends everything it has to
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every branch through the same root system.
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The same. Resources.
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The same. Stability.
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The same capacity to hold, even in the kind of weather that
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tests what the roots are made of.
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And. You can't control the branches.
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They will grow differently from each other in different
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directions, at different rates, with different shapes and
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different responses to the seasons.
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But the tree. Is beautiful not by being
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perfectly symmetrical. But by having.
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Balance with all of its differences, the tree provides
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the conditions in which every branch can become fully what it
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is and. What it's meant?
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To be. And you are?
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Building this tree, the roots are the values and the
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commitment and the daily presence that will go deeper
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with every year. And those large branches are the
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children. Who will grow?
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In the directions that are genuinely theirs, different from
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each other. Completely.
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Supported by the same root system.
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And casting. Between them, a shade that will
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eventually extend further than you can currently see, and the
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branches beyond their branches. I want.
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You to think of grandchildren influenced.
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By the tree. Itself, values that ripple
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across generations, that influence you are building roots
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deep, strong and shared, shared equally by every branch.
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And. The tree you are planting will
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cast shade that you will live to sit in, surrounded by everyone
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that had sheltered. And before we leave this beach,
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let's think. Think forward into a future.
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Allow yourself to travel forward in time, not months, but years
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perhaps to a virgin of your life that has had time to become
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fully itself. Perhaps you could?
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Imagine yourself in a room or a garden, somewhere that has
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become the gathering place for your family, and around you are
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the people who are yours. Not because of.
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Blood alone, but because of years of presence, of meals
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shared, of difficulties navigated, of laughter that is
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built a specific texture between people who know and care for
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each other deeply. But in this?
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Future The children who joined your family are not children
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anymore. Imagine them as adults.
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And you? Don't have to see their faces,
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but you can feel their presence and perceive particular
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qualities. Qualities that.
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Grew in the specific conditions of your family.
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Things like. Resilience, intelligence,
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humour, ambition, mental strength, tenacity, kindness.
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See those? Qualities and know that.
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You. Influenced it.
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You can't force anyone to be anyone other than who they
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choose to be, but you can provide.
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All of the. Resources.
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To. Influence to enhance, to assist.
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So imagine this. Family.
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This family of good people. Not perfect, because no one is,
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and perfection was never what you were building toward, but
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genuinely good people. The.
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Kind of people who are honest about difficulty and generous in
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the ways that matter. Who have taken?
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What was given to them and made something worthy of it.
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Maybe you notice smiles, affection, consideration.
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Not from fear. But from.
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Thoughtfulness. Perhaps you could?
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Imagine your partner beside you, older, still beautiful.
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See the connection, shed smiles, eye contact.
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And. Maybe you can get a sense of
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pride. From just the.
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Idea of this future that you're building and just allow any
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insights, any thoughts to ripple back from that idea of the
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future? All the way.
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Back to the present and feel that you're unconscious is
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unlocking any resources required to move toward that future.
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And melting. Away any fears.
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Not because. Fears aren't valid, but because
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fears are manageable, you can mitigate them.
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You can. Prepare, and you can reduce the
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probability of those fears by controlling what's in your
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sphere of influence. And.
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Influencing and accepting that which is not.
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Allow all of. This inside and wisdom to ripple
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back back into your present. And then imagine leaving that
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comfy recline chair there on the beach.
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And I want. You to imagine you're now
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wearing clothing suitable to swim.
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But I want you to. See some marks like dirt or mud
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or grime? They're on your skin.
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These are the. Remnants of old beliefs, old
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ideas that you don't hold anymore.
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But there's just. Some residue still on you.
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So imagine swimming in the ocean and washing all of those old
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beliefs, old narratives, old stories away that just don't
30:02
serve you anymore. And.
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When? You leave the ocean.
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Notice how clean you are. Those old.
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Stories, beliefs and narratives just aren't on you anymore.
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They're diluted to nothingness there in the ocean.
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And then imagine. Start to leave.
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The beach climb up towards the cliffs.
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As you start to prepare to. Return to the present.
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With a new. Sense of clarity, open
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mindedness, perhaps even excitement as to the future that
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you're building. The tree.
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That you're planting. And all.
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The wonderful things that will come from that future.
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As you imagine. Climbing up that cliffside
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staircase, take a deep breath in through your nose.
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And out. Through your nose, just wiggle
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your fingers and wiggle your toes.
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Connect and calibrate into the here and the now as I now count
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from 1:00 to 10:00 to awaken you.
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Starting to count 123 waking up 456 more alert 7-8.
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Open your eyes. Open your eyes. 910.
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Wide awake. Wide awake.
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Wide awake. Thank you.
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So much for joining me on today's episode of The
31:45
Hypnotist. If you've enjoyed this episode
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or got some value from it, please give it a.
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Five Star. Rating and review and maybe you
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know someone that would also benefit from this particular
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episode, in which case, share the episode.
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With them so. They can also get the benefit
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too. And if you would like to listen
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to this episode where it's just the hypnosis.
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So no intro no. Outro.
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No explanation. Just the hypnosis and
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completely. Ad free.
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There will be. A link.
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In the description where you can subscribe at a very low cost and
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only get access to the hypnosis O.
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If that's of interest, please check that out.
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Thank you again. For being a regular.
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Listener. Of the hypnotist and I'll see
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you again soon for more.