Latest / Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr. / "I Can't Look at Him" | Dr. Kim Offutt on Foster Care Adoption

Transcript

"I Can't Look at Him" | Dr. Kim Offutt on Foster Care Adoption · Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr.

• 0:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: for whatever reason I couldn't look in that nine year old space, so I fudders.
• 0:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I fudders face.
• 0:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just like why are you puffing this child's face?
• 0:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what I don't know, I just, I can't look at him.
• 0:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to cry every time I look at him.
• 0:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just better leave.
• 0:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: God gave me a mother's heart for that child.
• 0:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just, I am.
• 0:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Mm.
• 0:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: So how do you break the news to your husband that you've went through a book?
• 0:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: You see a nine year old?
• 0:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he.
• 0:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like I'm bringing this baby home like and how do I convince this man?
• 0:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't.
• 0:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said Jesus on.
• 0:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of people think that it's like you have to drop down a whole lot of money.
• 0:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want it to sound like what I'm getting ready to say.
• 0:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 0:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: But we want to know your dirt and this should be dirt, right?
• 0:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I tell you teens need you now and adoption is a lifetime.
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why isn't the church as involved as they should considering that this is a biblical mandate?
• 0:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, pastors don't come for me.
• 1:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: laying across my son's bed before he ever got any name wrong, praying for my child.
• 1:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: I wish I had my real mama.
• 1:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: She said, I wish you had a real mom too.
• 1:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: She said, nurse, that's my son.
• 1:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: He always shows up for me.
• 1:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm the proof.
• 1:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey family, Willie Mojoon, you're here.
• 1:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: grateful for the opportunity today to hang out with you.
• 1:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: To talk about something that's really important to me.
• 1:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Many of you all may not know, but I was actually adopted when I was only three months old to two loving, amazing parents.
• 1:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Willie J. Moore and Florida Moore.
• 1:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: The reason why I call myself Willie Mojoon is because if I ever become half the man, Willie Moore senior is.
• 1:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna be one heck of a man, right?
• 1:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I thank God my dad's 95 years young.
• 1:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, he's 95 years young.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Still loving God and cousin just a little bit.
• 1:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Y'all pray for him, don't talk about him, okay?
• 2:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I love the fact that they raised me in the home field with love.
• 2:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't say that we had a gox of money, right?
• 2:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: In fact, you know, sometimes you know when it came to those high price shoes and other clothes, we didn't have all the resources to do that, but I tell you that house was filled with love.
• 2:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Nowadays, it is my duty job and honor to make sure that other children like me who may not had the opportunity to stay with their biological family, right?
• 2:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: But that they land in great homes.
• 2:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: True story over 700 children this year, right?
• 2:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: 700 children this year in a state-of-jar Georgia I actually don't age out of foster care and I know all of us want this cute little baby like William O'June your words when you get that child you get to look at them and you shape them But the truth is a lot of children who are a little older It actually need the opportunity
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: to be in your home, to be loved, to be cared for.
• 2:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: So they can have a great runaway towards a successful future.
• 2:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: You said, Willie Moore, Jr., I want to be involved.
• 3:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, today I get the opportunity to hang out with a young lady who's not only a client.
• 3:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: What she is the adoption president, right?
• 3:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: She not only is out here making sure other children get the opportunity to have safe homes.
• 3:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: She also took part in the opportunity of foster care to adoption.
• 3:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: She's my sister from another mister, the one and only.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Dr. Kim often.
• 3:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, what's happening this is?
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, well, and more.
• 3:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much.
• 3:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: We back, baby!
• 3:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: We back!
• 3:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: We back!
• 3:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, they don't put us back together.
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Back together?
• 3:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 3:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Don't play with him.
• 3:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: So that came.
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want to tell your story.
• 3:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want to tell your story on the slide.
• 3:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: But to those of you, to those people who didn't get the opportunity to hear the story read the book and all the great things that you've been blessed to be involved in.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Tell them a little bit about your story, who you are, what you do and all the great things you got going on.
• 3:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know what?
• 3:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'm going to start with this one particular story.
• 3:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do you remember where we the last time the last time we were on stage together?
• 4:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do you remember?
• 4:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
• 4:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's 2019.
• 4:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like Philadelphia somewhere?
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, no, no.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: We were right here in Atlanta.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, it was in Atlanta.
• 4:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 4:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are honoring adoption heroes.
• 4:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, he shall answer by saying, yeah, no doubt I was on the stage.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and he's also honored me.
• 4:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
• 4:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Willie, I was able to be on that stage and I was able to tell everyone there about my journey from Georgia to Michigan.
• 4:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's been 15 winters, y'all.
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's cold.
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's cold.
• 4:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's cold in Michigan.
• 4:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is a Georgia girl.
• 4:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Went to Michigan.
• 4:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: It spent 15 winters there had no idea Lord, why?
• 4:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 4:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why did you send me the Michigan of all places, right?
• 4:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: into foster care.
• 4:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: We were in foster care in the state of Michigan.
• 4:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Had I not said yes, so the opportunity, yes, to what that was called in me to do, I wouldn't have met my children.
• 4:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I was on that stage telling them about adopting my 14-year-old daughter, my 9-year-old son, the first child ever called me mom, my 11-year-old son, and my 2-and-a-half.
• 5:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's always, and if yes, it's always been giving birth to three more.
• 5:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was on that stage telling everybody about how I don't just do this work.
• 5:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: I live it to write.
• 5:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's who I am.
• 5:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's in my, it's in my bones.
• 5:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes indeed.
• 5:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I left that stage willing.
• 5:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was sitting there, you know I'm a little introverted, right?
• 5:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I didn't know what to do.
• 5:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know if I should talk to somebody, if I should, whatever.
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then she young woman walked up to me.
• 5:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it felt like I knew her.
• 5:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like I recognized her for some reason.
• 5:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 5:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: She walked up to me and she didn't have it with us, but shamelessly I brought it with me.
• 5:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 5:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Suitcase and a dream.
• 5:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Her name is Brittany.
• 5:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: She handed me her book.
• 5:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she was like, I was involved to care in the state of Michigan.
• 5:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Wow.
• 5:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: She said, I have a twin.
• 5:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: My twin's name is Bianca.
• 5:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have a twin.
• 5:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: I adopted a twin girl.
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: She was like, my sister was adopted, but nobody didn't want me.
• 6:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then she looked me in my eyeballs, said, would you take me?
• 6:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm old now, would you take me?
• 6:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Brittany was 27 years old at the time of the movie.
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: 27, still searching for family.
• 6:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: again, the author of a suit case surgery.
• 6:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Today, Brittany actually has a non-profit in the same name a suit case surgery.
• 6:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: It should provide suit cases and churches help provide all types of things to go in the suit cases like journals and different things like that for the kids, for children like her who are most at risk of agent out of foster care.
• 6:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm Dr. Mama Mito and Miss Kim.
• 6:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's why I am today.
• 6:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's amazing.
• 6:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Dr. Mama mentor Miss Kim.
• 6:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Dr. Mama mentor Miss Kim.
• 6:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you had your hands full throughout the years.
• 6:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh yeah.
• 6:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Raising all of your children.
• 6:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: What's one of the biggest misconceptions about adopting an older child or a child that are teenagers?
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Or even, you know, 10 or 11 years old, what's the biggest misconception?
• 7:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're several.
• 7:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: The first one is they don't wanna be adopted.
• 7:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: They don't wanna family.
• 7:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: People immediately think older children don't care about being an adopted.
• 7:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: They don't want to be a part of a family.
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Another misconception is they're hard.
• 7:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're hard to love.
• 7:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: easy quote unquote with a little person that you can shape and you can mold and like my mommy you say you feed a child longer than nothing.
• 7:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just like really soon.
• 7:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I got blue real round mind just like I literally I legitimately thought.
• 7:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to adopt a little person too.
• 7:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I moved to the state of Michigan, I was looking through this book.
• 7:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's called the Michigan Adoption Resource Exchange.
• 7:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Literally, they used to photo-list children and a book that's as thick as a JC pin is catalog and all major in the cell.
• 7:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, JC pin is catalog.
• 7:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 7:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Mama call it pennies.
• 7:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Uh-huh.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hello.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: They used to photo-list those kids who are waiting.
• 8:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was looking through the book and I saw this one year old and another one year old, then I saw this nine year old and for whatever reason I couldn't look in at nine year old's face light covers I cover his face.
• 8:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I went and I asked a friend, you know, that work with me could I adopt two children in the state of Michigan that I aren't siblings, but I'm covering this little boys face.
• 8:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's like, why you're covering this child's face and I'm like, I don't know, I just I can't look at them.
• 8:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to cry every time I look at them.
• 8:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's like, well, maybe you need to call about him.
• 8:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Again, in my mind, it's the little people who needed homes.
• 8:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: These big kids, right, older children, children who can tell you about the things that they've gone through when they've seen.
• 8:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're too hard.
• 8:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: They have too many stories.
• 8:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: They have baggage, so to get back to your question, all the things that, you know, the misconceptions of our kids.
• 8:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I called on my, on my son, after the Lord got through dealing with me in that, in that office.
• 8:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: We'll be right on.
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: when I took my hands off of my son's face and I just looked in his eyes.
• 8:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was something about his eyes.
• 8:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I remember he had on a white shirt and his head was cut to the side.
• 9:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: So this is on the picture in the JC Pennybook.
• 9:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's similar to none of us today.
• 9:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, cut to the side.
• 9:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: He just looked at me.
• 9:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when the Holy Spirit was done with me,
• 9:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm literally not crying in a fetal position under my desk.
• 9:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And there's no other way from me to put it, but I believe God gave me a mother's heart for that child.
• 9:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just, I mean, I knew him.
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: So are you married?
• 9:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're married at that time.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm married.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: So how do you break the news to your husband that you weren't a little book?
• 9:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: You see a nine year old.
• 9:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: He like, I'm bringing this baby home.
• 9:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, how do we convince a father?
• 9:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Seriously that?
• 9:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Actually, I talk about it.
• 9:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I talk about it in my book.
• 9:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: They need you now.
• 9:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: I tell people how I literally had to come home with that So that's the tone.
• 9:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: We got a
• 9:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: So when we get to give him keys, oh, baby.
• 9:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, because seriously, I'll never forget it.
• 10:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm literally singing, baby, to Marcus.
• 10:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And he's shaving.
• 10:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, hey, I saw this boy.
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: He was in the picture.
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: He was in the picture.
• 10:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I called, I called his, his burger.
• 10:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she told me all the things about it.
• 10:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, baby, I just knew him.
• 10:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know him.
• 10:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Everything that she said, I just knew.
• 10:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: I knew it all about it.
• 10:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's our sign.
• 10:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: He looked at me.
• 10:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I thought that was 20, some years ago.
• 10:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: My name's not Kimberley Moore.
• 10:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: He calls me K. Ever since then, that's when he first started calling me K. K, what do you think of?
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not speaking to you.
• 10:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: We don't have our own children yet.
• 10:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: I say they're quotes and we're quote.
• 10:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: We don't have our own children yet.
• 10:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: We were only married for a year.
• 10:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: We only married.
• 10:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was 25, he was 23, right?
• 10:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: all the things that you would think, never parented any kids.
• 10:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: We are young, barely established, just started working to live in Bethany.
• 11:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, for we have, right?
• 11:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's finally got a job.
• 11:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's finally a nice little job.
• 11:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: In a whole new state, like all the things, but God has this way of dispel and all of those myths that I thought.
• 11:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: My home, we didn't own our home at the time.
• 11:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: We was just renting all the things.
• 11:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: But God said, I knew that I knew that I knew that this was my son.
• 11:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I say that in that way, this is my son.
• 11:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And how do I convince this man?
• 11:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't.
• 11:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I said Jesus on.
• 11:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
• 11:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: three o'clock in the morning.
• 11:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not three o' one, not two, fifth and nine.
• 11:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Three o'clock in the morning, every morning.
• 11:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: He was up, laying across my son's bed before he ever got in there room.
• 11:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Prayin' for my son.
• 11:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can remember mornings that I really felt like the sheets were snatched off me, reoclock.
• 12:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: No alarm set, I'm not a morning person, praying for my son, praying for his family, praying for his mother, praying for his father, praying for his siblings, praying for his future.
• 12:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then I had to pray on my husband's heart.
• 12:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: right?
• 12:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Speak to that little boy this in him as well.
• 12:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Speak to that fear.
• 12:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Speak to all those things.
• 12:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: God, whatever you're doing in this child's life and not every you want us to be involved while you make a way.
• 12:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I never said another word to them.
• 12:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not another word.
• 12:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: This was October.
• 12:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: That mind you.
• 12:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't appreciate this.
• 12:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I started working at Bethany.
• 12:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: September 15, 2003.
• 12:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is October.
• 12:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: 2003.
• 12:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: So more like that, like that, God just moved, like that.
• 12:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: By December the 6th, I was meeting my son.
• 12:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because my husband came home one day and started telling me about James 127 and you know the pure and faultless religion is this to care for the orphan.
• 13:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: He said he was, he was talking to somebody and it felt like a microphone was just put under his mouth and he heard himself and he wanted to know if he could go and maybe just meet them.
• 13:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I had already worked all that out.
• 13:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just like, don't worry about it.
• 13:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: We know exactly how to get to him.
• 13:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got you.
• 13:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: December 6th because at that time, I was a recruiter for children like my son.
• 13:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I felt like if people could just meet these kids, they could just see them.
• 13:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then they'll know if they're just kids, right?
• 13:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: They have stories, they have histories, there's brokenness, there's despair, there's trauma.
• 13:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 13:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a mess there, but I'm kids.
• 13:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: So what I wanted to do is I wanted to see, like literally, I picked 10 kids out of this book and I traveled across the state and I filmed them.
• 13:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Back then it was a very, it's like a little bit.
• 13:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
• 14:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: My son, my husband came with me and we went to Chucky Cheese.
• 14:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Marcus will deny this to this day, but I got it on tape.
• 14:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Marcus, you're like, Marcus, Marcus, yeah.
• 14:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: When there is was shooting a little shot with a mixed thing and he said, I beat you dad.
• 14:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got it on tape.
• 14:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: I beat you dad.
• 14:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I almost dropped the camera.
• 14:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, Lord.
• 14:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: That was December 6th.
• 14:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was placed in our home, January, the following month.
• 14:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 14:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: 2004.
• 14:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: That was just the beginning.
• 14:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: So what's the paperwork process like, and you finally meet the child that you believe God is spoke to your heart.
• 14:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of people think that it's like you have to drop down a whole lot of money.
• 14:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: like what is the process you got to take some classes that I know my mom and dad so so to those of you who don't know so my mom and dad they adopted me to of course I was a smaller child my dad was similar to Marcus my mom came home and she said you know I'm not able to have children for whatever reason
• 15:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Um, but the doctor is telling me about a place we can go adopt some children.
• 15:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so my dad is like, well, I don't want to go adopt no kids because you know, we just been married for a couple years and I don't even know if I want to stick around as long as you want me to stick around because if I have a child, I'm probably going to have to stay and she said, okay, then we'll you stay here.
• 15:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to go see and he said, well, I can't let you go by yourself.
• 15:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so he went in and the mama that he walked through the foster care doors in the infantry area right there on midnight in St. Louis the story goes that he said who's the little guy and little who's the little guy in the middle bed like he was the aggressor once he got on the ground like Marcus like all right but you know like once he got in it first he was just so so so against it right
• 15:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: So their process was pretty easy, you know what I mean, but a lot of times you hear these crazy processes that people have to go through.
• 16:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got to have 30,000, 50,000, 70,000, like what was your process?
• 16:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Come on mom and tell me, I asked her, got a rest of her soul.
• 16:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: She's doing well in heaven.
• 16:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: I asked her, what if I told you it called by 10, 15,000 dollars to give me a 20,000?
• 16:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: She said, well baby, we probably wouldn't have known you as much as I love you here.
• 16:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know money like it had, not just the guilt.
• 16:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know and so how much is it like what's the process?
• 16:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: What was your process?
• 16:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, really I don't necessarily promote this because I don't want it to sound like what I'm getting ready to say okay, but on free
• 16:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, what they're going to promote you there's that again, that's another myth about adoption, especially foster foster care adoption, the state covers the cost and the issue.
• 16:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's what she says.
• 16:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 16:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the cost to adopt a child from foster care is very limited.
• 16:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you may have to pay for some fingerprints.
• 16:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 16:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: But the things that you pay for is reimbursable to you under the state contract.
• 17:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: So there's no cost.
• 17:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's there's not the 30 and 50 thousand dollar ticket that you know, if you are Doctrine infant traditional infant adoption there is a cost there.
• 17:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: But to adopt from foster care.
• 17:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's some paperwork you have to do because it's intrusive right our kids have been through enough.
• 17:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: So when you say intrusive, what intrusive look like?
• 17:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Intrusive looks like, I want to know who you are.
• 17:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to know your background, your family, your experience.
• 17:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: How is your relationship with your mother?
• 17:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, relationship with your father.
• 17:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're about your siblings, your community, your work life.
• 17:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: What's in your bank account?
• 17:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is it legal?
• 17:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: right yeah yeah and come is it leave your background let me see the things that's fair we want to know your dirt and there should be dirt right because that's what we can put seed in that come on did you see what you see come on with that I've got the law again when you start talking we don't need nor are we looking for perfect people
• 17:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: We need the imperfect families.
• 18:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: We really, really do.
• 18:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: We need somebody who's going through something.
• 18:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because when you've gone through something, there's an empathy and some sympathy that you may have for a child who's going through something.
• 18:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or for that parent who was a child.
• 18:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: that parent was going through something, who is experiencing loss as well.
• 18:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Regardless of how that child entered the system, there was trauma that was hurt there.
• 18:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's intrusive in that, I wanna know who are you?
• 18:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wanna know, what makes you angry?
• 18:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do you handle your anger?
• 18:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: What do you do when you disappointed?
• 18:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do you feel, do you take validation out of parenting?
• 18:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, do you have a need to try and meet?
• 18:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because these kids are going through too much for you to try to get filled, fulfilled in some kind of way.
• 18:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because you know, two broken people, two broken pieces of glass don't make things whole, right?
• 18:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And too many times we've seen families who have not done well because they saw validation in their parenting.
• 19:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: because they were trying to make things right.
• 19:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: All of those things can cause disruptions in adoption.
• 19:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, intrusive, we're getting in.
• 19:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: We want to know about your siblings, your uncles, your aunties, your cousins.
• 19:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: if you've had any trauma of your own that, these kids may trigger.
• 19:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've seen that happen before.
• 19:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: People who've gone through hard things and never sought help.
• 19:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Never, never went to therapy or even took it to the lower.
• 19:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And now you step forward to adopt a child.
• 19:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's gone through some hard things.
• 19:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when that child,
• 19:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: behaves in your home.
• 19:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: It triggers you and it reminds you of that little girl who was abused.
• 19:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And now you got that cyclical trauma going on.
• 19:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: So now this child is in this home triggering you.
• 19:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: You need to get yourself away.
• 19:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: So where does child got to go?
• 19:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I mean, this is where we need healed and healthy families with some dirt.
• 19:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not looking for perfect people.
• 20:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I just like, we have scripts and things that we do, but I just had like so many questions.
• 20:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just things that I didn't get the opportunity like to ask my mom, you know, before she went home to be with the Lord.
• 20:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, we talked about adoption.
• 20:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think I was so focused on,
• 20:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, before I got to help that I actually needed, right, like I was so focused on the story that I missed the opportunity to really get into the minutia of the conversation and what that was like for her and what that was like for my dad.
• 20:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, you know, I think my biggest thing now is, do you guys like,
• 20:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: do more training with the parents.
• 20:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: After they have the child, the reason being because I remember when I had a extreme like blurred out.
• 20:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm a teenager, I'm in the 7th or 8th grade.
• 20:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I get so mad because she wouldn't let me go to a party.
• 20:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I knew I was going.
• 20:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: And she came in and said I couldn't.
• 20:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I just, I'm just so mad.
• 20:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I wish I had my real mama.
• 20:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I just told her that.
• 20:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was just, you know, and it was hard.
• 20:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I see how much it's done her.
• 21:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: But she didn't respond that way.
• 21:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: She said, I wish you had your real mom too.
• 21:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because if you did, you would see that nobody gonna love your ass the way I love you.
• 21:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, did somebody train as it likes an extra train in that you guys?
• 21:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I love this question, Lily, because I really feel like, first of all, when you give birth to a child, there's no manual, right?
• 21:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's just how it doesn't come with a manual.
• 21:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't come with that training on how to.
• 21:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: But when you adopt, there's a lot of the pre-searched training.
• 21:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's, depending on what state you're in, but in the state of Georgia's up to 30 hours worth of training that we offer families first of all, so they can understand the impact of trauma.
• 21:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: So they can understand the difference between discipline and punishment, right?
• 21:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: because some people blur the lines on that.
• 21:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Good.
• 21:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, so they can understand just what these children are going through.
• 21:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: How trauma impacts the brain, like all the things, right?
• 21:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Trauma triggers everything.
• 21:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: So there's there's that pre-service because we want you to know and understand before child comes into your home.
• 22:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: But a lot of families who are eager beavers about being an adopted parent, they listen.
• 22:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: But it's not until the child is in your home.
• 22:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: that it gets real.
• 22:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's why I tell everybody.
• 22:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: My first child ever called me, mom, you taught me everything I need to know about being a parent.
• 22:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I need to admit everything I need to know about being a parent.
• 22:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I would tell any parent who thinks they know all the things about being a parent, throw it out the dough.
• 22:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: when it comes to adopted because they will teach you what they need.
• 22:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: But yes, there's training up front, there's training post, being an adoptive parent because you want to, especially if you're going through the foster care system to adopt, there's pre, there's annual training that we do.
• 22:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: So we want to continue to rub around the family.
• 22:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: when I think about even using it term wrap around support, post adoption, always having that community, stand involved in support groups, continue to have that therapist, even if you adopted a little person and they're not misbehaving or what if they're not going through anything right now, that little person gets bigger.
• 23:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: They get to be 19, 11, 12, 13, going through some things.
• 23:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Always having that therapist, always having the ability to reach out and be able to connect with people.
• 23:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: So yes, ongoing training, yes, ongoing support groups, as much as the families are willing to engage themselves.
• 23:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the thing, because once you adopt, there's no mandatory, right?
• 23:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's just, it's impeccable, not impeccable.
• 23:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: What's the word I'm looking for?
• 23:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's imperative that it's imperative that it's imperative, yeah, I want to ask you this, what's the average age that you all look for because you said, you know, you're young, you're in your 20s, you do have a job, but you're renting and doing it like it's they're like the age that gives you a green light faster than another age there's not an age to give you a green light faster, right, because I've seen families adopting there and there's 20s like me, but there's a there's a sweet spot, okay?
• 24:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I could take a sweet spot, it's between 35 and 54.
• 24:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Got it.
• 24:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, my mom was 39 and that was 40 and 49.
• 24:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you know, you don't bend through some things.
• 24:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: You got your self-established a little bit.
• 24:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: You like, let's school a hard knocks a little bit.
• 24:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: You may have parented may not have, but it's that sweet spot.
• 24:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're you're a little bit more mature at that age, right?
• 24:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: You may have already gotten the education.
• 24:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're you're establishing your career.
• 24:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: You you may not be moving around anymore.
• 24:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: You got some stability.
• 24:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: that sweet spot 35 to 54 is what we look for.
• 24:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: But even in that, even when I say that, I think about, there may be a listener who's in there 60s.
• 24:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, well, what about me?
• 24:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: We need you, too.
• 24:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because 60s ain't the same seats.
• 24:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I was just on them to tell them.
• 24:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was on the boat and the cruise, or whatever.
• 24:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was thinking, I was, yes, ma'am, and this later, she bought 60s for good looking too.
• 25:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're doing that thing.
• 25:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't think she wanted me to get his ma'am up.
• 25:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think she won't know willy more than that day.
• 25:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 25:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I was like 68 to say in sixth, they look mom of the mean.
• 25:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, hey, look mom, I'm like, hey, I'm not playing with y'all.
• 25:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, in a 60, so 60's is welcome.
• 25:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: 60's is what we have when I tell you, teens need you now.
• 25:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And adoption is a lifetime.
• 25:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: right.
• 25:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's not about just because if they're little or whatever age range is adoption is a lifetime.
• 25:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have a literally tap dance out of court with adoptive families with adopted their child, a date before the 18th birthday.
• 25:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh wow.
• 25:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: So so how does that work?
• 25:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like so if they adopt right before the day of the 18th birthday does that mean that you continue to support them throughout their college years and then
• 25:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely, you're a parent.
• 25:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 25:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: You keep doing for the child who is adopted and just like you would.
• 25:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Adoption is a lifetime.
• 25:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is your child.
• 25:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: So here.
• 26:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, here's the thing.
• 26:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can put this little plug in here.
• 26:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Children who are in who have been in foster care at a certain age, like when you mentioned college and all that stuff in the state of Georgia, if you were in foster care at the time, believe it's the age of 11, or maybe it's the age of 13.
• 26:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: College is paid for you.
• 26:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: So there's another thing that families don't know.
• 26:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: A doctor in the team, here's some benefits, right?
• 26:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, you got medical, this cover, you have college, that's covered for you.
• 26:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's what we call adoption support as well.
• 26:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's a monthly stipend to continue to help care for the child up into the age of 18.
• 26:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's things like that because again, any, let's say, that a child may have.
• 26:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: So some children are on,
• 26:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: medications for ADHD, whether they may be in therapy and different things like that.
• 26:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: So those types of services are taking care of for them because they have the insurance in the state as well.
• 26:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you adopt it how many times?
• 27:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Four of them.
• 27:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, after the first child, did you just kiss the bull, you just like, no, I guess, I get also is really interesting.
• 27:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: The first child called me mom, that was D. And then that year, we were actually foster parents for kids who were in juvenile detention.
• 27:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, JJI, so my kids were in detention and stepping down.
• 27:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's what they call a stepping down to a less restrictive setting.
• 27:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 27:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, so I got to ask you this.
• 27:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 27:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 27:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you have your nine year old son, my nine year old.
• 27:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then you keep the process going because you're working with Bethany, how do you like trying your brain, they often say vividly that like don't don't get it twisty, like bad character, well, well, bad company messes up good character.
• 27:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, you got this young baby and then you're now bringing in children who've been in the detention center.
• 27:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, what were those conversations like with you and your husband?
• 28:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: And why weren't you fearful of that type of influence being with your child that you got going?
• 28:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're not in the right direction.
• 28:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's a really good question, Willie, because honestly, it honestly never occurred to me that my kids that came into my home would be a poor influence on the young one that was in the home, the first one that was in the home.
• 28:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think about Jimmy.
• 28:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Jimmy was 12 years old.
• 28:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: He was the first child that stepped out from JGI to know his story.
• 28:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: He went in, posed to be in, and you went out to attention.
• 28:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: He was just the kid that wasn't going to read out the person who really should have been up in there.
• 28:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Jimmy wasn't an amazing young man and still is to this day in amazing young man.
• 28:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just knew that I knew that I knew it with every child that came into my home, Ryan, DJ, every kid that came into my home.
• 28:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: We prayed about it.
• 28:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: We knew this is what we were supposed to do.
• 28:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And with the thermostats, not that the mom was in the house, right?
• 28:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: We set the tone.
• 28:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: We set the temperature.
• 29:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: We do that in this home.
• 29:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so the influence that they had was our influence more so than any negative influence that I didn't even concern myself that well, that's really interesting.
• 29:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you guys for that question.
• 29:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Good.
• 29:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I think that's why I'm going to solve with that.
• 29:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you were going through this process.
• 29:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're getting an opportunity to have children who are stepping out down from the detention center, right?
• 29:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are you seeing them just on weekends?
• 29:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are you seeing them throughout the week?
• 29:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are they there for 30 days?
• 29:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, no, so with the JJS system, they were in.
• 29:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: in JGI and they step down into foster care.
• 29:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: So they were with us until they can transition back home.
• 29:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: So during the hours that you would go to school, so to speak, they had stuff that they needed to do at JGI.
• 29:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then come back home.
• 29:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: They would come back home and then we work really closely to reunify them with their parents.
• 29:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I loved it because I was able to walk alongside moms and dads.
• 30:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was able to invite people to church and see them get baptized and no Jesus, but like it was just a beautiful thing and to be able to celebrate that this young man was able to be return home safely and spite of whatever calls them to be removed from their homes and to be in the spot that they were in.
• 30:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's another thing that when I think about it.
• 30:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm looking for.
• 30:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're looking for people who are willing to walk alongside moms and dads who's just going through some things.
• 30:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think about it really every child that has my last name now.
• 30:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: they would not have ended up in a system that then determined whether they were fit to parent.
• 30:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so that's the thing, it's like, how do we, how do we not only care for the child?
• 30:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
• 30:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that child has an extended family as well.
• 31:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that was the beauty of my being a foster family with JGI.
• 31:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like a walk alongside those parents too.
• 31:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's amazing.
• 31:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: So how does I know the goal of foster care is to re-unite children's reunification with their biological families who may have made some different mistakes.
• 31:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: What's the breaking point?
• 31:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: When is the finish line when they say, hey, we've done our best.
• 31:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And what's the emotional tug of war that you might go through as a parent saying like, well, I'm really connecting to this child.
• 31:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: But now the state says,
• 31:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: They got to go back with their parents like just can you can you walk me through that because that's a big fear that a lot of people have that is a big fear that a lot of people have and I thank you for asking that question because truly foster care is intended to be a temporary solution to what should be a temporary problem.
• 31:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: So we need families who are willing to step in and provide that care that show to that love that protection that all those things for this child temporarily love them like your own but remember that they're not.
• 32:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because they do have mothers and fathers as well.
• 32:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's a lie to ask.
• 32:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was selfish.
• 32:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I Little on the kids the kids who have my last name.
• 32:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: They were they were legally available before adoption Got it.
• 32:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: They were already they were already they were already they're all it is.
• 32:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: So the sister had that too.
• 32:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, okay So yeah, so there are opportunities that don't require the tug-of-war emotions and that's what we had to talk about the full hundred.
• 32:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, they are four
• 32:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: 100 children in the state of Georgia, who are legally available for adoption.
• 32:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're waiting on somebody to say yes.
• 32:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Good.
• 32:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what do they look like?
• 32:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: 70% of those kids are older children.
• 32:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: So are there books like the JC Penny catalog?
• 32:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: You look at it.
• 32:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's just online.
• 32:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: How do you this is something you have the sign of for it to be able to have access to there?
• 32:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do you have to do your background check before you look?
• 32:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can go right on.
• 32:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's called my turn now.
• 32:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: one word.
• 32:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: My turn now.
• 33:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a dangerous place to go.
• 33:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just let you know that right now because when you see these children's faces and you see sibling groups of two and three, you see this teenager who was 14, 15, 16 and he's waiting.
• 33:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: You see kids that literally the profile says they want to maintain contact with their sibling and they have the number because they're not photolisted
• 33:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: The state has given up on finding a family for all three of them, so they're posting them separately.
• 33:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: It will break your heart.
• 33:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: But he has, that reminds me of Carlos.
• 33:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm smiling because I think I shared about Carlos, the moment, the time that we were on the stage the last time together.
• 33:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: He was 15 years old when he entered a poster contest.
• 33:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: where he had to depict what it meant to him to find a forever family.
• 33:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And on that picture, you could see Carlos, you knew it was him because you could see his go-tee and his mustache and he had a white tee shirt on.
• 34:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And there was an hourglass on the shirt and a crossing to see the sand dropping.
• 34:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: And a cross at a set time is running out for me.
• 34:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the reality of our kids who are on my turn now.
• 34:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: They know that with every birthday, my kids celebrate, turn it 60, turn it 17, that my son, Caleb, he just turned 21.
• 34:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Our children, birthdays on a celebration because time is running out.
• 34:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: But they're facing the clock.
• 34:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: at 18.
• 34:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, this family who's my foster parent, right now, keep this residential facility with a cold, the door is closed because the state ain't paying a bill no more.
• 35:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'd be homeless if I go to school, where do I go when the door is closed?
• 35:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I fill out this application, when it says, person would call in the case of emergency who?
• 35:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Who would I call?
• 35:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Who'd I put down?
• 35:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the reality of our children.
• 35:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's why I'm sitting here with you today, Willie.
• 35:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: We need families to just to say yes.
• 35:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're not asking for no blood sample.
• 35:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're not asking for no piece of hair.
• 35:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're not asking for you to fully commit today.
• 35:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just say yes to no one more.
• 35:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: But going to my time, my turn now, it will rock you.
• 35:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 35:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: It will rock you.
• 35:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: So let's just
• 35:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Wow, so you go to my turn now, the Lord preached your heart and used like, man, I would really like to meet, let's just say it's name is Caleb and you see young Caleb there, you call your husband or you call your wife or you call martians and say, man, it's a child that I.
• 36:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Man, I really would like like to meet.
• 36:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Can you kind of walk me through what their process looks like?
• 36:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: So one of the first things you do because we get again, there's a process to even get to the space where you would even meet this child.
• 36:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 36:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 36:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that you will have to go through orientation, training, going through the process of getting assessed and approved as an adopted family.
• 36:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 36:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, call 1-800-Bethany.
• 36:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: We can get you started in the process, get you signed up with an orientation.
• 36:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can come through the training with us.
• 36:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: You'll learn all about being an adoptive parent.
• 36:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: You'll hear from other adoptive parents as well.
• 36:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: We'll even match you with some mentor families.
• 36:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have some amazing families who've been doing this for years, decades, actually.
• 36:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: and then getting you through the home study process, the assessment process, your background checks, your clearances, fingerprints, all the things, because we want to make sure you are safe and stable family as well.
• 36:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then, with that assessment, we present that to K-looks adoption worker, right?
• 37:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: But it doesn't stop there just because you think you will be a good fit for K-look.
• 37:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: that worker determines who's a good fit.
• 37:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so how do they determine how they look in the thing?
• 37:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're assessment.
• 37:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's about time.
• 37:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that's the thing.
• 37:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to be sure that it's clear that we are in the business of finding families for children, not children for families.
• 37:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you may be an amazing family but not a good fit for this particular child.
• 37:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's all about what that child's needs are, what type of a family would be a good fit for them.
• 37:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've seen on paper my son in particular, needed to be the youngest or only child in the home at the time.
• 37:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: So how did I determine that the term that is based on the industry, what they mean here, what things that, what things they need.
• 37:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: If they need, I've seen kids who, they absolutely must have a two parent home.
• 37:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: They absolutely must have someone who works from home.
• 38:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: They absolutely must have this type of structure.
• 38:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: They need to be, they can, they work well, really well with older children.
• 38:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: They would love to be in a family with pets because they want pets.
• 38:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe no pets because of what ever is going on.
• 38:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's all about the child.
• 38:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Their experiences, their needs, and making sure that they get matched with the family that will truly be forever, right?
• 38:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because we're not in the business.
• 38:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Think of long-term trauma.
• 38:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Got it.
• 38:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Calls in more disruptions.
• 38:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because now we've heard a child and a family whose heart was in the right place, but it wasn't a good fit.
• 38:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: That makes sense.
• 38:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, how often does that happen?
• 38:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: disruptions, actually, I'm sure it's probably it happened more than we even know because typically if a adoption disrupts, it disrupts because there's a difference between disruption and disillusion.
• 38:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: So there's some adoptions that disrupt because of a mismatch.
• 38:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that's why the training, okay, that's why the training is necessary, that's why even when it comes, I know I share it with you how quickly it happened with my son, that's abnormal.
• 39:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's my mom and say it to because I do the totally god thing.
• 39:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is they told mama that they won't be able to give me to the summertime, but it didn't have been a few messed up.
• 39:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: That is not how it typically is.
• 39:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Typically when you when you've identified a child and let's say there is a match, there's a transition process.
• 39:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: In that transition can be three to six months of this child visiting with the family.
• 39:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: going over for a overnight, going over for a weekend, spending an extended stay, you know, depending on where the child is at all the things going to that child's therapy, involving yourself in the child's life.
• 39:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: it's a process.
• 39:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't happen quickly like that all the time.
• 39:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 39:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it was different.
• 39:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love it.
• 39:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I just want to make sure that the audience at large, you understand, right?
• 39:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because I know, I know how we are sometime.
• 39:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: We get excited about something, something pulls on your heart string and then you start the process and it's like, well, Nadie, want me to do this and they want me to do that.
• 40:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want to make sure that you honestly heard that we're like, they're not focusing on the immediate, they're focusing on the ultimate, right?
• 40:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: So when they're focusing on the
• 40:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: They have to look at your personality types, the trauma that the children may have gone through, what their personality type is, so they can build a bridge with the family.
• 40:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Once again, she says, listen, we're we're looking for families for the children, not children for families.
• 40:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: We know you are important.
• 40:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: We need as many people right now listening that God is pulling on your heartstring, but I want to let you know that God says that we should be anxious for nothing.
• 40:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: So even though you want this child, you're ready for this child, realize that there is a process, because what I've seen throughout the years working with Bethany is that we get people signed up and then the hall is, I gotta do my classes, I gotta do my organizations, then then people wanna do this, this, and this, specifically black people, I need you to know that there is a process.
• 40:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we cannot be anxious because we don't want you connected with a child that you don't fit with.
• 41:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Notice I said you don't fit with not them not fit with you.
• 41:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what you said well, I don't have some little nephew's over there.
• 41:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: He ain't fit with me.
• 41:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't put him in the corner and that's just what it is.
• 41:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: we want this thing to be forever.
• 41:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: So here's the thing, I want your level of commitment to say, hey man, I'm willing to go how long it takes to make sure that I'm connected so I can be the best parent for the child that God has assigned to me, right?
• 41:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I just want to kind of break that down because we get people excited and revved up and you are amazing, my dad.
• 41:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know it's a studio audience watching and I know they're like, oh my God, like this is amazing.
• 41:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want people to understand that we want you in this for the long haul.
• 41:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I want you excited, I want you signing up and I know we're going to get thousands of people who sign up, but I want a group of people that says, however long it takes.
• 41:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, Kim, when you think about the need, right, I think you said 400 children, right, necessary, how do we get the church involved and why isn't the church as involved as they should consider
• 42:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, will it be just like now?
• 42:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: All right.
• 42:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, past us don't don't come for me, but we do for the last 20 something years.
• 42:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've literally have been going to church reminding the body of Christ of our biblical mandate.
• 42:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, this is not an option.
• 42:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is not an optional thing.
• 42:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, James 127 saying, it's what pure and faultless
• 42:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: really religious.
• 42:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, pure and flawless, flawless, pure and flawless.
• 42:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: The care for the orphan and the widows and their distress.
• 42:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what's the distress?
• 42:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the mess.
• 42:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 42:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the mess that our kids have gone through.
• 42:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: The trauma that they've experienced, caring for these kids through this.
• 42:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right?
• 42:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have a biblical mandate.
• 42:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's an expectation.
• 42:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: But this is what we do.
• 42:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I say that and I also want to say, everybody isn't called to be a foster parent or to adopt.
• 43:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: But we all have a mandate to do something here for the orphan.
• 43:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: So what is that thing for you?
• 43:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is that being an adoptive parent?
• 43:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is that being a mentor?
• 43:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is that providing a meal?
• 43:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: What gifts, what talents?
• 43:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: What do you have?
• 43:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: What can you do?
• 43:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think of people who are stylists, right?
• 43:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have folks who can do some haircuts back in school for some of these kids.
• 43:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Offering that way, most of the lines, come hollocks and babies, you know, provide respite care, get involved.
• 43:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: We all can do something.
• 43:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your children can get involved.
• 43:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can tell us some younger kids.
• 43:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, there's a way.
• 43:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And this is, this is who we are, right?
• 43:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is what the church is supposed to do.
• 43:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: The shit not be.
• 43:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: system, government, getting involved systems have failed.
• 43:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 43:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: So how many of those children, and I'm making this a black or white thing, I want to just make sure that I say that considering that my audience at large, it's a lot of African American people, like, what are the statistics, if you know or just around the biostatistic, of how many children actually African American children who are in foster care?
• 44:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, we're over represented.
• 44:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're absolutely old.
• 44:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Black children are overrepresented in every state in foster care.
• 44:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're already the minority.
• 44:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: but we're overrepresented in the foster care system.
• 44:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And too many of our young men, future heads of households are aging out of the foster care system without the stability of family.
• 44:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Roughly 70% of the kids there in care, are African-American, they're older between the ages of 11 and 13.
• 44:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're part of a sibling group.
• 44:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: that we need to keep together because they're a unit, a family unit, right?
• 44:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, that's the statistics, that's what you see.
• 44:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when they age out, within two years, homelessness, another system raised in them if they end up in the criminal justice system, women having children, and because they were in foster care, automatically flagged, so now the
• 45:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: So for those people who may not be eligible for adoption, fostering to adopt right now, they just feel like, you know, like, man, I just, but I want to do something.
• 45:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is there alternative thing that they can do to kind of lead them in the right direction?
• 45:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: You talked a little bit about giving haircuts, getting into the environment.
• 45:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: How do people like volunteer or something to make sure that these children know they care?
• 45:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely and that's why that's the important the reason why we so very intentionally partner with the church because as we Partner with the church churches can develop these foster care adoption ministries which would allow you the the opportunity for Bethany to come imagine if if we came to your church and we offered the training right there in your congregation or with you.
• 46:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm long as the training.
• 46:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's up to 30 hours.
• 46:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: We can knock it out in a few weekends.
• 46:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: We can do it on the 2st Thursday night.
• 46:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: We can do it in person.
• 46:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: We can do it virtually, however.
• 46:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 46:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: But if we imagine if we just came and did it with your church, right?
• 46:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you can do it virtually too.
• 46:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: We can do it virtually.
• 46:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of our train is virtual right now.
• 46:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 46:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Cool.
• 46:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 46:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because we.
• 46:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: COVID, COVID.
• 46:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that is so good.
• 46:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 46:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm here.
• 46:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm signed me up.
• 46:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, here we go.
• 46:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk like seriously, a lot of our training is virtual.
• 46:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: We do some in-person opportunities, workshops, and then that's for families who've already gone through this initial training.
• 46:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, it's.
• 46:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: again, being able to bring it to the church.
• 46:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you're not that family that wants to necessarily be a false apparent or to adopt, maybe you're supporting a family that is maybe you're a part of their community wrapping around them.
• 46:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe you're the person who provides
• 46:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe your auntie uncle to these cousins, me, I mean to these cousins to these children.
• 47:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, maybe you're the one who comes and help with transportation, get them back and forth to school, provide some of that support to the families.
• 47:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, we can do something.
• 47:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's something.
• 47:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's good.
• 47:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I often say the biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.
• 47:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the one thing I think we can really improve don't is really lean on that old African proverb.
• 47:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: that it takes a village to raise a child.
• 47:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, as I look back on for my life and, you know, being an adoptive, you know, in the early
• 47:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: 80s, late 70s, right?
• 47:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't a whole lot of promotion for adoption, but I always thank God for Dr. Angel.
• 47:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: You say, who is Dr. Angel?
• 47:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, Dr. Angel is a name that I gave the doctor who mentioned to my mother, who was trying tirelessly to have a child.
• 47:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he said, well, I know you're working and doing whatever you want to do and kind of gathering your money for this new technology and these new findings or what have you, but have you ever considered
• 47:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And my mom was like, you know, so when we can adopt some kids, you know, and she gave he gave her the direction on where he could go and that one little sea prompted her to ask my father like, hey, you want to go adopt some kids and he would like it.
• 48:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, go adopt no kids, right?
• 48:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: But they ended up going and long story short.
• 48:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: I live the best life that I think you need child could ever have and they didn't have a whole lot of money.
• 48:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: They just had a whole lot of love, they had a big calling, the Lord had prick their hearts and the truth is to my mother's dying day, I stood by her side.
• 48:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: you know she was going through a whole lot and I remember she had went through some really crazy health challenges and she came out of this sedated coma that they gave it thought her brain wouldn't work anymore and the moment that they took the two about and I walked in she said nurse that's my son he always shows up for me and um i just i just don't know if the blessing
• 49:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I believe in her latter year, she was able to see that this blessing actually came for me.
• 49:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: I walked with her for those last two years of her life, three, four years of her life, and she was going through dialysis, took myself off the road.
• 49:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: In fact, this is how the podcast came about.
• 49:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: I said, God, we gotta find a way to keep our influence in the marketplace without me having to run and go step on stages, because I'm not leaving my mom.
• 49:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thankfully, she chose that option of adoption and as I sit here today currently my dance 95 years young.
• 49:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: He chose that option of adoption.
• 49:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not a week ago's body.
• 49:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't hear back to St. Louis to make sure that he's okay.
• 49:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And to him with the idea of bringing him to Atlanta, but hey, he old man, like, man, I like my house, man.
• 49:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know how to get around, man.
• 49:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: That big old house you got, man, man.
• 49:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: I get lost over in that.
• 49:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I said, no, man, just know that I'm here for you.
• 49:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, a lot of people often ask me, they say,
• 49:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: you know what is adoption done for you and I would say the greatest thing that adoption has done for me is that it allowed me to be great not great in the sense of my actions but great in the biblical sense that the greatest among them will serve and I think my greatest joy is being able to serve my parents in their latter years after all of these great years that they share with me so I'm not saying I'm not saying that this is what
• 50:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Anybody else has ever seen it or that's what they did.
• 50:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm saying that from personal experience with the right love and the right call God can do the unthinkable in your life and this may be your opportunity right now for you to say yes Not just for your current situation before your latter years Maybe just maybe that decision that yes of obedience To change everything in your latter years.
• 50:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm the proof