Latest / Chatting with The Experts with Paula Okonneh / Conquering Challenges: Resilience Tips for Women Leaders
Transcript
- 0:03Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Chatting with the Experts
- 0:08with me, Paula Okonneh, where I speak with women from Africa, from
- 0:13the Caribbean, and in the diaspora.
- 0:16Every week I bring on women who are experts in either the service products.
- 0:23Or whatever it is that they do.
- 0:25And I also have a few men who join us and our mission is to educate,
- 0:31empower, and inspire women globally.
- 0:35This week is no exception, and our show is called Embracing Resilience,
- 0:43Empowering Women Leaders to Thrive.
- 0:47And what we'll do is that we'll dive into the transformative power of resilience for
- 0:53women in leadership and explore actionable strategies that highlight the journey
- 0:59of embracing challenges and turning them into opportunities for growth.
- 1:08My guest who will be joining me shortly is Dr. Ja'Net Bishop-Nesbit,
- 1:14and she is the founder of Boots to Breakthrough, LLC, which is a
- 1:20virtual wellness coaching practice.
- 1:23She's an education consultant, certified wellness and life coach,
- 1:28a certified grief coach, speaker, as well as a best selling author.
- 1:36In 2016, Dr. Ja'Net lost her husband to a fatal heart attack, and her
- 1:44life changed immediately, widowed in midlife with an empty nest.
- 1:52She relocated from Georgia to South Carolina to be closer to family,
- 1:57and she also transitioned careers.
- 2:00Look, I can say so much about her, but as I said, she's gonna join us.
- 2:04And anything that I've left out in her bio, she'll talk about.
- 2:08So welcome Dr. Ja'Net to Chatting with the Experts.
- 2:14Hello, blessings.
- 2:15Thank you so much for having me, Paula.
- 2:18Oh, absolutely.
- 2:20I'm thrilled.
- 2:20I'm thrilled.
- 2:21I'm thrilled to have met you and invited you to the show and you said yes.
- 2:26Oh my gosh.
- 2:27I don't take it for granted, so thank you.
- 2:29Oh, thank you so much.
- 2:31You know, I believe that as we go through this journey that we call life.
- 2:36When everything falls into alignment, to me that's a reflection that that's exactly
- 2:41what's supposed to happen at that time.
- 2:43And so I just feel so fortunate.
- 2:45And thank you for all that you do to inspire women globally and
- 2:48internationally and nationally.
- 2:50'cause I'm here in South Carolina.
- 2:53South Carolina.
- 2:54I know.
- 2:55Yes.
- 2:56I lived in a literally walking distance from the border.
- 3:01For many years from the border from, I was in North Carolina, so I should explain.
- 3:05Yes.
- 3:06I lived in North Carolina and I could walk to South Carolina
- 3:09literally by just walking probably like five minutes and I crossed.
- 3:12That's amazing.
- 3:15So yes.
- 3:16So you were my neighbor for years without actually knowing me,
- 3:19without actually meeting you.
- 3:21Isn't that amazing?
- 3:22And look at how now our paths are crossing to be able to impact women
- 3:27and I'm so inspired by you with what you do with this channel and
- 3:31touching lives and giving women hope.
- 3:34So kudos to you, and I feel so grateful to be a part of it today.
- 3:38Oh, thank you so much.
- 3:39I, of course, I don't hesitate to say I don't take any of this credit.
- 3:44I'm a Christian and I give all glory and praise to my
- 3:48Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
- 3:49Yes.
- 3:50He's enabled me to do this because me, Paula alone, nah.
- 3:55But with Him, I can do all things.
- 3:57Amen.
- 3:58Amen to that.
- 4:01Oh goodness.
- 4:02So, did you what would you like me to do?
- 4:04Would you like me to say Yes as we get started?
- 4:07Yes, I know we, we can talk forever.
- 4:09So let's talk about, you know, let's go with what we said.
- 4:13This is we embracing resilience and empowering women leaders to thrive.
- 4:18So what are some of the types of resilience that you've noticed
- 4:22that, and what do you help, what type... can't even speak today.
- 4:26What type of resilience do you encourage?
- 4:30Women leaders to undertake and why is it important?
- 4:36Thank you so much for that question.
- 4:38It is so timely.
- 4:39And in fact, when you were introducing me, you mentioned
- 4:41my LLC, Boots to Breakthrough.
- 4:43Mm-hmm.
- 4:44And that has actually evolved into Thrive Well consulting LLC, because thriving and
- 4:50building resilience has really expanded.
- 4:52And so, for those who may be wondering, well, what's her
- 4:55background where she can talk about resilience and thriving and what does
- 4:58that look like for women leaders?
- 5:00You know, I'm a native of New York City and I joined the military.
- 5:04First joined enlisted, then I became an officer.
- 5:07And so I'm an Army veteran officer and that experience also led to me working in
- 5:12nonprofits when I got out of the military was honorably discharged, and I worked
- 5:17at the Augusta Child Advocacy Center where I was advocating for young people
- 5:21who had experienced abuse and testifying and leading in their court cases.
- 5:26And then that opened up the opportunity for me to enter a different
- 5:30leadership role in the school setting.
- 5:32So I've been a school counselor, middle high, and alternative school counselor,
- 5:37and one day a former principal of mine said, Ja'Net, you ever thought
- 5:40about going into school leadership?
- 5:42And I said I don't think so because I've been in the military and I know that being
- 5:47a leader can definitely be exhausting.
- 5:50But one of the things that the military really did for me was
- 5:53help me to build not only my mental resilience, but my physical resilience.
- 5:58So in the course of the 21 years of me being in education, I have been
- 6:03an alternative school principal and a high school principal.
- 6:07And so I often joke with my sons who were students at a school that
- 6:11I was an assistant principal at, and of course they said I ruined
- 6:14their high school experience, but I told them, Hey you, you survive.
- 6:18You're gonna be resilient going through this.
- 6:21But they're so supportive.
- 6:23But you asked such a poignant question when you mentioned
- 6:25the types of resilience.
- 6:27And why it's important for women leaders?
- 6:30Well, the research shows that the three primary types of resilience
- 6:34are emotional resilience, mental resilience, and social resilience.
- 6:39Mm-hmm.
- 6:40Now, emotional resilience allows leaders to manage their emotions effectively,
- 6:45especially during challenging situations.
- 6:48We also have mental resilience, which involves maintaining a positive mindset
- 6:54and perseverance and overcoming obstacles.
- 6:57And then that third resilience that I wanted to bring to your
- 7:00audience's attention is the area of social resilience.
- 7:04And this highlights the ability to build strong relationships and networks
- 7:09which provide support and services.
- 7:11So that's why a channel like yours, I believe really supports this concept of
- 7:16building resilience, particularly for women leaders so that they can thrive.
- 7:21Because to be emotionally resilient is so key.
- 7:24When I became suddenly widowed when my late husband had a heart
- 7:28attack, I was a principal of a school, and my emotional resilience
- 7:32really was affected at that time.
- 7:35But I had staff, faculty, students who are still depending on me to
- 7:40do my job, lead a school and impact the school culture and climate.
- 7:44When we look at social resilience, that's why I love your channel as
- 7:48well, because in social resilience, we're highlighting building
- 7:51strong relationships and networks.
- 7:53And when we think about what you do through your channel
- 7:56impacting women globally.
- 7:58It really involves being able to have that network.
- 8:02So what does social resilience look like from a networking perspective?
- 8:06Well, it's realizing that when one door closes, it is laying the foundation
- 8:11for another one to open, right?
- 8:12It's not the begin all and end all.
- 8:15It may just simply be the pathway to something bigger.
- 8:18And then again, of course when we look at that mental resilience,
- 8:21keeping that positive minds.
- 8:23At the beginning of your program today, you mentioned how you know you are a
- 8:27Christian and I'm a Christian and a believer as well, and I really do believe
- 8:31that as women leaders, we cannot have a positive life focusing on negativity.
- 8:37Mm-hmm.
- 8:37And mindset is so powerful for us.
- 8:40So when we are looking at mental resilience and we are maintaining a
- 8:43positive mindset, it enables us to persevere and overcome obstacles.
- 8:49You know, for some of us that may mean not getting the funding we had hoped to get.
- 8:54For others, it may mean ageism.
- 8:56For some, it may mean sexism and for some it may mean not necessarily having
- 9:01the people closest to you to support you with these new goals that you have.
- 9:06So let's just be reminded that resilience is more than just physical resilience
- 9:11when it comes to being women leaders.
- 9:13It's the emotional resilience, the mental resilience, and our social resilience.
- 9:20Wow.
- 9:20Thanks for expanding on that.
- 9:22And you know, you said something that is crucial and some people, a lot
- 9:25of women struggle with that because in some ways we've been socialized
- 9:31to look for approval, you know?
- 9:32Yeah.
- 9:33And when the approval is not coming from your family, as you said, it
- 9:36may not come from close family.
- 9:39That can be hard to take, you know, because if your family's
- 9:42not supporting you well.
- 9:43You know, what else is there to do?
- 9:46Yes, yes, yes.
- 9:48And then you begin to question yourself.
- 9:50Yes.
- 9:50Am I going down the right path?
- 9:52Mm-hmm.
- 9:53Or you may end up having feelings of being fearful of the success because the
- 9:58more you evolve and the more successful you become, you have this fear that it's
- 10:03going to isolate you from your loved ones.
- 10:05Mm-hmm.
- 10:06And so I firmly believe, and that's something that I've had to adjust
- 10:09to from the mindset of, not wanting to leave others behind, but then
- 10:14realizing that perhaps there was a season, perhaps their role in my life
- 10:19was for a reason and for a season, and that role has already been fulfilled.
- 10:24And so now as I'm moving onward, it's important for me to be the best
- 10:29representation of what the Lord will have me to do because guess what?
- 10:33Our skills and our talents it's unique to us.
- 10:37You know, you have this amazing program that impacts women globally,
- 10:41but is your program the first program that's ever done this?
- 10:45Your program is the one program that Paula Okonneh has developed
- 10:50that touches the lives of women.
- 10:52So it's a matter of us.
- 10:53All being our own authentic self and realizing that sometimes on that
- 10:58journey of success or evolution in our journey as women, it may not
- 11:03mean that everyone can come with us.
- 11:05It may mean that they can stand beside us, or it may mean that they're not ready yet
- 11:10and they'll come on board at another time.
- 11:13I absolutely love that they may not be ready.
- 11:15Yes, they can stand beside us and sometimes I say they can even stand
- 11:19behind us and push us forward.
- 11:21You know, like encourage you, come on.
- 11:23You know?
- 11:24Yes.
- 11:24I can't do it, but I can see it in you, so I'll be there.
- 11:27You know, just, you know.
- 11:29When you're weathering the storm to just keep you balanced and upright, you know?
- 11:34You know, I'm so glad that you said that because I can remember when I
- 11:37was in undergraduate school and think I had to take an extra year, right?
- 11:42So instead of finishing in four years, I had to go to five years because
- 11:46I transferred to another school and I remembered this is too hard.
- 11:50I don't wanna do this.
- 11:51And my dad, who is now with the Lord, he says, he said to me.
- 11:55Don't stop, keep going because you never know who is looking to see that
- 12:02if you did it, they can do it too.
- 12:04And I had cousins, you know, at that time I'm the oldest and only girl in my family.
- 12:09I have two younger brothers, but I, and I come from a family
- 12:12that have a lot of male cousins.
- 12:14But when my dad said that to me, I said, you know what, that's right.
- 12:18What made me want to become a army officer?
- 12:21I saw a black female major.
- 12:24And I said, what?
- 12:25And that image of her, with her rank on her shoulder at the unit
- 12:29that I was assigned to, yes.
- 12:31Made me realize what made me think that I can be a school principal,
- 12:36not of just one, but of two schools.
- 12:39It was the fact that someone else.
- 12:40Saw it in me and I thought, well, if they saw it, then maybe I can
- 12:44do it so that then someone else can see it so that they can do it.
- 12:48So you are absolutely right and that sometimes it may be
- 12:52hard for us in moving forward.
- 12:54But you said something to me at the beginning of the program before we
- 12:57aired, which was, you know, if you feel passionate about something, do it.
- 13:03I firmly believe that all of us have a purpose in life, and our purpose
- 13:07is that the Lord has us here so that someone else's life is better
- 13:11because they crossed our path.
- 13:13And when we are working within our gifts and our talents, people see
- 13:18that and they gravitate towards it, and then we get to pour into it.
- 13:22Much like what your program does for the rest of us, it pours into us in order to
- 13:26create that better version of ourselves.
- 13:29I love it.
- 13:30I love what you said, and thank you for that compliment because as I
- 13:33was telling you, as you rightfully said I don't do this for myself.
- 13:37I do this for others because we can't be what we can't see.
- 13:40You know what I mean?
- 13:41If you hadn't seen that woman the African-American woman,
- 13:46you said a naval officer.
- 13:48Oh, she was a major, she was an Army officer.
- 13:50Yes.
- 13:50She was an Army officer.
- 13:52If you hadn't seen her, you couldn't even picture yourself going down that road.
- 13:56You know?
- 13:56That is correct.
- 13:57Impossible.
- 13:58So...
- 13:58yes.
- 13:59You absolutely are all right.
- 14:01Because many times we are doing things and we don't know
- 14:03that people are looking at us.
- 14:05Your dad was so wise to tell you keep moving.
- 14:07Yes.
- 14:07Keep going ahead and
- 14:09yes.
- 14:10Don't know how many lives you are impacting with what you are doing.
- 14:17Awesome.
- 14:18Oh, thank you so much for that, paula.
- 14:20You know, we all have a responsibility because we're here and we will all go to
- 14:26see the Lord at some point on His time.
- 14:29We don't know when that time is, but we're all here, I believe, to leave
- 14:33this world better than we found it.
- 14:35And so if we are working in the gifts and talents that the Lord has given us.
- 14:40We really need to use those gifts and talents in order to make the
- 14:43world a better place, and that may simply start within our own homes.
- 14:47Yes.
- 14:48In our own communities.
- 14:49Yes.
- 14:50Yes, yes, yes.
- 14:52I agree.
- 14:54It may start within our own houses, our own homes, within our own communities.
- 14:59Yes.
- 15:01So what are some strategies that you can share with us for cultivating resilience?
- 15:07I know we've talked about, you know, how taking your case is your dad.
- 15:12Yeah.
- 15:15Oh my I tell you, it's so important that we take into account strategies
- 15:21that cultivate and build resilience.
- 15:23You know, Maya Angelou was quoted as saying once she's the famous,
- 15:27you know, Nobel Laureate poet.
- 15:30Who is with the Lord now as well.
- 15:32And she one of her famous quotes was, "we don't know what we don't know until
- 15:35someone points it out to us." Right.
- 15:37And so I've never heard that, but I love it.
- 15:39We don't know what, we don't dunno.
- 15:41Yeah.
- 15:41We don't know what we don't know until someone else points it out to us.
- 15:44Much like I didn't know that being a female black officer was an option until
- 15:49I saw that other female black officer.
- 15:51And I said, oh, because the images that I saw as a girl growing up were.
- 15:56Images of individuals who didn't look like me.
- 15:58Mm-hmm.
- 15:59And so growing up in the projects, it was not my frame of reference
- 16:03that it was possible for me as well.
- 16:05Mm-hmm.
- 16:06Mm-hmm.
- 16:06But when we look at strategies for cultivating resilience, you know, I
- 16:09said earlier how when I went to basic training in Fort Jackson, South Carolina.
- 16:14It built my mental resilience and my physical resilience.
- 16:18I left that eight week training program feeling like I was superwoman.
- 16:22Like there was nothing that I couldn't do, right?
- 16:24Mm-hmm.
- 16:25But then as I age gracefully, and of course things work a little differently
- 16:30than they may have physically back in those early years of my adulthood
- 16:35I've come to realize, especially with the books that I've written and
- 16:38some of the research that I've read, that cultivating resilience really
- 16:42involves some actionable steps.
- 16:44And so here are four key approaches that I would like your
- 16:48audience to take into account.
- 16:50One is to practice self-care.
- 16:53And by that I mean prioritize our emotional, our mental, and
- 16:57our physical wellbeing through activities like exercise, mindfulness
- 17:03and getting adequate rest.
- 17:05Mm-hmm.
- 17:05This is so key because as I was building my career, whether it was
- 17:10in the military or as a wife and mom or in the school setting, I
- 17:15would burn the candle on both ends.
- 17:16And what happens to us as women leaders is that we end up burning out in the middle.
- 17:21Or it ends up affecting our relationships, whether that's with our loved one,
- 17:25our partner, or with our children.
- 17:27And we end up finding out that stress begins to debilitate our
- 17:31wellbeing from the inside out.
- 17:33And so when we practice self-care emotionally mentally and physically,
- 17:38you know, what does that look like?
- 17:40Okay.
- 17:41Try just 30 minutes of exercise in the course of the morning, or if you're an
- 17:45evening person, I'm a morning person, and what I have found, Paula, is that when I
- 17:50just go for a simple walk, and that's an exercise you can do no matter what chapter
- 17:54of life that you're in, it clears my mind.
- 17:57I'm one with nature, I feel one with the Holy Spirit, with my
- 18:02Lord, and it is so cleansing.
- 18:05Take into account also mindfulness for those of us who pray, and I pray every
- 18:10morning, and I also participate in maybe one to two minutes of guided meditation
- 18:15on an app that I have on my phone.
- 18:17But what it does for you in terms of practicing that form of self-care is that
- 18:22it makes you become centered and balanced.
- 18:25Don't be one of those individuals where as soon as you wake up, you're
- 18:28going through your social media because that really raises the adrenaline,
- 18:32it raises the blood pressure.
- 18:34And when we start our day in calm, you actually begin to think
- 18:39more clearly and you can end up making more decisive decisions.
- 18:43Make more clear, well thought out decisions about how that day is going
- 18:47to go, and then the adequate rest.
- 18:49Now, I was of the generation that said, Hey, I can rest later on in life.
- 18:54Right now.
- 18:55If I got two, you two,
- 18:58I prided myself.
- 19:00Good.
- 19:01But you know, there is so much research out there that shows that
- 19:05inadequate amounts of rest actually negatively impacts our longevity.
- 19:10So yes, there's the thought that try to get eight to nine hours
- 19:13of rest a night, and in complete transparency, I can average.
- 19:17Six solid hours.
- 19:19But remember that when we rest, whether it's taking a nap, midday or resting at
- 19:24night, that is the time of being able to be still and to rejuvenate ourself.
- 19:29so that's one of the four key things that I want them to take into account.
- 19:33Practice self-care.
- 19:34Next is set realistic goals.
- 19:36Break down your larger objectives into achievable tasks, to maintain
- 19:41motivation and to prevent overwhelm.
- 19:43You know, sometimes we just overextend ourselves.
- 19:47But here's a technique that has worked for me as I've continued on this life journey.
- 19:53Just choose one to three things that you're going to achieve that day.
- 19:57Yes, there may be lots of things you wanna work on, but ultimately what I
- 20:01have found very beneficial to me is when I select one to three things of
- 20:06that day, and then I look at my calendar and have block scheduling for it.
- 20:10And then also now as a new entrepreneur, well, relatively new entrepreneur.
- 20:14I've always been in nonprofits, right?
- 20:17I set aside.
- 20:18One to two days out of the week.
- 20:19That is just my admin days, follow up days, et cetera.
- 20:23So anybody in your audience who is an entrepreneur blocks scheduling
- 20:27time block scheduling, and setting aside that time for you to really
- 20:31work on the business is key.
- 20:33Point number three for cultivating resilience is develop a growth mindset.
- 20:37That's another reason why I love your channel, because the only time that
- 20:41we stop growing, right, is once the Lord calls us home from this level.
- 20:46Okay?
- 20:46And so when you have a growth mindset, you're able to see opportunities and
- 20:51see failures even as learning steps for your growth in moving forward.
- 20:56The next strategy is seek feedback, right?
- 20:59You know how many businesses have surveys to ask you, how did we do well?
- 21:04Seek feedback from your colleagues, from your friends, maybe even family
- 21:07members in terms of how is this working?
- 21:10And then finally, establish boundaries.
- 21:14And that's something that I'm still working on because it's so
- 21:17hard, you know, as women, we have been socialized to be there and do
- 21:21everything for everybody, and then we end up being the last one on the list.
- 21:25But I'm here to say that it's so important as women leaders that we learned as.
- 21:28Say no and set limits to protect our time and our energy, because then
- 21:34this allows us to be able to focus on those things that are important to us
- 21:38right then, and that truly matters.
- 21:41And when I've presented to women entrepreneur groups or sororities,
- 21:45I always remind them, guess what?
- 21:47No is a complete sentence.
- 21:49And it doesn't mean that you're a bad person, right?
- 21:52It just means that.
- 21:54You have the same 24 hours in a day like Oprah Winfrey, Warren
- 21:58Buffet, Sheryl Sandberg, who is over, you know, Facebook and such.
- 22:02Mm-hmm.
- 22:03So what are you gonna do with your 24 hours in order to achieve your goals?
- 22:07Yes.
- 22:07And that may mean saying no.
- 22:09And so for those of us who have struggled over the years with being able to say no
- 22:14and wondering how anybody else is gonna look at us and think we're not a team
- 22:17player, I always say, "by you getting more comfortable with saying no, opens
- 22:23up your universe to say something yes that really lights you up and helps
- 22:28to move you forward." So those are the tips for cultivating resilience.
- 22:32Practice self-care, set realistic goals, develop a growth mindset, seek feedback
- 22:39and establish healthy boundaries.
- 22:41These strategies not only support your personal resilience, but
- 22:45it has a ripple effect, right?
- 22:47Yes.
- 22:47Because it influences the culture of either your team, you know,
- 22:51you mentioned having a team.
- 22:52Mm-hmm.
- 22:53And those who are in the schools and school district, it impacts the
- 22:56culture and climate and those who are in corporate settings, it impacts
- 23:00the energy of your organization to be more productive and efficient.
- 23:05Yes, yes.
- 23:06You know, you mentioned no is a complete sentence that the first
- 23:12day I heard that, that changed my life because I was like, yeah.
- 23:16By saying no, you clear your schedule and you open up opportunities for saying yes.
- 23:22Yes, absolutely.
- 23:25And learning to stick to that, I mean, has changed my life in that I
- 23:31don't have to say yes to everything because I can't be everywhere and
- 23:35I can't be everything to everyone.
- 23:38You cannot.
- 23:38And with the expertise and the talent and skills that you have,
- 23:43if you are not available, then when it is a great opportunity for your
- 23:47schedule, it'll come back around.
- 23:49Yes.
- 23:49You know, if it was meant to be for you to be the one to do it, it'll
- 23:52come back around and maybe your schedule opens up at that time.
- 23:56But it's amazing how when we feel more comfortable setting boundaries,
- 24:01we actually minimize the stress.
- 24:04And our leadership in the projects that we're working on becomes more fulfilling
- 24:09because we don't feel so pressed.
- 24:11I remember having a client previously who had said, you know, it was difficult for
- 24:15her to set boundaries, you know, both in personal life and in professional life.
- 24:19And she was very involved in the church and you know, you could be involved in
- 24:22the church and end up having a third job.
- 24:25Yes.
- 24:25And so you got really mindful of that.
- 24:28But she shared how.
- 24:29When she was overextended and overstretched and
- 24:32overstressed, she was irritable.
- 24:35She found herself getting angry easily, short with people in her
- 24:39responses, and it was because she was feeling overwhelmed and she didn't
- 24:43feel as though she was thriving.
- 24:44And more importantly, she did not feel well.
- 24:47And even though initially it wasn't comfortable for her to set those
- 24:51boundaries, when she began to set boundaries and participate in those
- 24:56projects that she really enjoyed and loved and she can maintain time constraints
- 25:00around, she was living her best life and so I encourage all of us to continue
- 25:05to be a work in progress in that area.
- 25:08Absolutely.
- 25:10Ja'Net, we can talk forever.
- 25:11But there's something, there's a book I forgot to mention because
- 25:15I said, your bio is so impressive that I couldn't say everything.
- 25:20There's a book you wrote.
- 25:21Yes.
- 25:21How much joy is in your journey.
- 25:24Yes.
- 25:24Yes.
- 25:25Could guide to your fearless vision.
- 25:28Yes.
- 25:28Talk a little bit about that, joy in your journey.
- 25:32Oh my.
- 25:33Thank you so much.
- 25:34You know, joy is different than happiness, right?
- 25:38Mm-hmm.
- 25:38Yeah.
- 25:38Joy comes from the inside.
- 25:40Yes.
- 25:40And it's not based on the superficial surface things that
- 25:45happen that may make us happy.
- 25:47And so when I wrote that book what's interesting is that I was going to
- 25:51launch that book with the March of Dimes.
- 25:54They were having an event at a venue close to where I lived in Augusta.
- 25:58And so the launch was happening on a Saturday.
- 26:01That Sunday I was MCing a military program for a local organization and when I came
- 26:07home, my husband had said, listen, I know this book is gonna be successful.
- 26:11It's almost summertime.
- 26:12He was a middle school assistant principal at the time I was a building principal.
- 26:17He said, listen, keep next weekend clear on so that we
- 26:20can plan our summer vacation.
- 26:21We were new empty nesters.
- 26:22We were about to get it on and popping and join this empty house, but it was
- 26:28that Sunday that he had that conversation with me, and that Monday, the Lord
- 26:32called him home at 52 of a fatal heart attack in our home on a Monday.
- 26:37And so I never got to promote that book.
- 26:40And when I was going through my two grief recovery programs, a minister had said,
- 26:45"Ja'Net, maybe now that book has even more relevance about how much joy is in
- 26:51your journey because it can change." And so in that book it was a self-coaching
- 26:55book, particularly for leaders actually.
- 26:58And it focused on the dimensions of wellness.
- 27:01Back in 1970s, the early 1970s, the National Wellness Institute was tasked
- 27:07with researching what does it mean to live a holistic life, and it's a holistic life.
- 27:13One of joy was the question that I asked because there I was pursuing
- 27:18degrees and certifications.
- 27:19I'm married, I'm a building principal, I'm involved in my church, I'm involved
- 27:23in the community, and I'm building all of these things on my resume.
- 27:28But what does joy really look like?
- 27:31And so when I looked into that research, they ultimately identified five areas of
- 27:36wellness that contributes to your joy.
- 27:39And over the years, it's evolved into eight.
- 27:42And part of them is these eight dimensions of wellness that I've
- 27:46written about in subsequent books because it was so transformative for me.
- 27:50So when we ask ourselves how much joy is in our journey, the question becomes,
- 27:54well, what is it in your journey?
- 27:57And so the research talks about living your holistic life involves
- 28:01eight dimensions of wellness, your emotional wellness, right?
- 28:04Which we talked a little bit about.
- 28:06And emotional wellness deals with involving understanding and managing your
- 28:10emotions and expressing them effectively.
- 28:13It also involves our occupational wellness, right?
- 28:16And some people say, well, you know what, Ja'Net, I'm not working a job that
- 28:19I'm really feeling I'm really loving and I remind them, but you know what
- 28:23can make you feel occupationally well?
- 28:25Let your nine to five pave the way for your five to nine.
- 28:29So many folks have that side hustle, right?
- 28:32That thing that they really enjoy.
- 28:33And they'll wake up early and do it for no money.
- 28:36But the goal is to be able to have a return of investment on it.
- 28:39Mm-hmm.
- 28:39So that occupational wellness, what is it about your current occupation?
- 28:43That you can find joy in.
- 28:45You know, we've heard that phrase when you have lemons, make lemonade.
- 28:48Mm-hmm.
- 28:48Well, I firmly believe that when you are in a place, it might not be the
- 28:53place you wanna be occupationally, but bloom where you are planted,
- 28:58thrive where you are planted.
- 29:00Because I firmly believe that our Heavenly Father is preparing
- 29:03you for that next thing.
- 29:04The third of the eight dimensions is physical wellness, which of
- 29:07course I talked about that earlier.
- 29:09And that involves how is your life manifesting joy through
- 29:13your physical wellness?
- 29:15Right?
- 29:15Are you eating in a nutritious way?
- 29:17Are you staying hydrated?
- 29:19Are you getting enough rest?
- 29:21Then we look at social wellness and sometimes folks think that our
- 29:25social wellness is based on, you know, are we going out partying
- 29:29and having a good old time?
- 29:31What the research talks about is your joy from being socially well, involves the
- 29:36extent of your personal relationships and your professional relationships.
- 29:41Is your interaction in your personal and professional
- 29:45relationships bringing you joy?
- 29:47And if not, then that's something to explore and look at.
- 29:51And are those relationships in alignment with your personal values?
- 29:56Then we have intellectual wellness.
- 29:57Right.
- 29:58How does your intellectual wellness bring you joy and give you joy in your journey?
- 30:02Well, I encourage folks, we are definitely machines as human beings, right?
- 30:08Mm-hmm.
- 30:08But to be intellectually well and manifest more joy, make sure from time to time
- 30:14you read something that lights you up.
- 30:15For me.
- 30:16I happen to love reading self-improvement books.
- 30:19Other people love reading nonfiction, you know, nonfiction material or love stories.
- 30:24You know, when I was growing up, there were the Harlequin romance and
- 30:27all that kind of good stuff, right?
- 30:29Oh my.
- 30:30So that's the intellectual wellness, you know, bringing joy into your life by
- 30:34learning more, whether that's pottery, whether that's for me it was learning this
- 30:39year how to become yoga certified, right?
- 30:42Mm-hmm.
- 30:42And learning more about mindfulness.
- 30:44Then you have spiritual wellness, and oftentimes individuals think that
- 30:47spiritual wellness may mean which religion, denomination you ascribe to.
- 30:52But the research talks about spiritual wellness is how do you find
- 30:56purpose and meaning in your life?
- 30:58And of course, our religion pours into that.
- 31:01It may also include your personal beliefs, your values, and how
- 31:05do you promote inner peace?
- 31:07So how some people promote inner peace.
- 31:09For me, it's daily prayer.
- 31:11For many, it's guidance and I'm sorry, it's mindfulness and
- 31:15meditation, guided meditation.
- 31:17So looking at your.
- 31:18Spiritual wellness.
- 31:19Then the seventh of the eighth, and they're not in any particular
- 31:22order, Paula, because many of them are really interconnected.
- 31:25All of them can be interconnected in many ways.
- 31:28But when we look at environmental wellness.
- 31:31Okay.
- 31:31What is it in your space, whether it's your workspace or your personal
- 31:36space that really pours into you?
- 31:38When I was a principal in the school setting, my environmental wellness
- 31:42was situated in such a way where I always had calming mood music.
- 31:47Because as a principal, oftentimes you have to deal with discipline
- 31:51or parents who may not be as happy with their kids' outcome.
- 31:55So I didn't have fluorescent lights in my office.
- 31:57I had two or three lamps so that the lighting was low.
- 32:00'cause research shows that soothes the spirit.
- 32:03I had oftentimes the sound of a water stream in the back.
- 32:07That's soothing to me, and I have found that to be soothing to others as well.
- 32:11And in the school setting, you can't burn candles, right?
- 32:13That's a fire hazard.
- 32:15But I would always have some kind of aromatherapy going.
- 32:18For many folks it may be inspirational phrases on their wall.
- 32:22It may be pictures of your loved one, a grandparent who said, girl, you can do
- 32:26anything you wanna do and have that, I have this one picture it, well, it was
- 32:31in my office at every school I went to.
- 32:34It was a picture of a African woman.
- 32:37Slim athletic build, holding a oh goodness, a vase on top of her
- 32:43head, and she was so statuesque.
- 32:45There was no face to her.
- 32:47It was an oil painting.
- 32:49As soon as I seen it, it really resonated with me.
- 32:51And then finally, bringing joy into your life is impacted by
- 32:56your financial wellness, right?
- 32:57Yeah.
- 32:57And oftentimes as women, we may not be as in tune to our financial
- 33:03foundation as we need to be, especially if we've had partners in our lives
- 33:07who handle that for us, and we trusted them to handle that for us.
- 33:11But when we look at our financial wellness.
- 33:14How does it bring us joy?
- 33:16Well, there is joy when you feel stable.
- 33:18There is joy when you can feel that your bills are being paid.
- 33:21Yeah.
- 33:22So to your audience, what were those eight dimensions of wellness again,
- 33:25that can contribute to building resilience and joy in your life?
- 33:29They are emotional wellness, occupational wellness, physical wellness, social
- 33:35wellness, intellectual wellness, spiritual wellness, environmental wellness and
- 33:41financial wellness and all of these dimensions can really promote a holistic
- 33:46approach to you creating more joy in your life, more wellness, more self-care,
- 33:52and most importantly, to be able to thrive and build your resilience to
- 33:56achieve all that you want to achieve.
- 33:59Wow.
- 34:00Wow, wow, wow.
- 34:02Whoa.
- 34:03Oh, that is so good.
- 34:05I was, you saw me looking to the side.
- 34:06'cause I was writing down those eight dimensions.
- 34:09That's awesome.
- 34:11Awesome.
- 34:11You know, we could talk forever, but now I wanna open up the floor to others who
- 34:16have joined us for those listening in, or those who are viewing this later on
- 34:22YouTube, how can they get in touch with you so that they can find out a lot more?
- 34:28I mean, I can read everything that you told me that you do, and from
- 34:32your books to the co-authoring that you've done in anthologies.
- 34:36Mm-hmm.
- 34:36So, oh, wow.
- 34:38Well, thank you.
- 34:39Thank you for that opportunity.
- 34:40Yes.
- 34:40I've written several books.
- 34:42How much Joy is in your Journey that you just mentioned?
- 34:44I've written Eight Dimensions of Self care, for those navigating through the
- 34:49grief process and now I'm realizing may not be pronouncing all of my book titles,
- 34:53but the key thing is that if you just put my name in Amazon, they'll all come up.
- 34:58You can reach me through my website at www.drjanetbishop.com.
- 35:06That's www dot dr. J-A-N-E-T-B-I-S-H-O-P.com.
- 35:13And I've also passed along to you the link for my digital business card,
- 35:18which will help folks to get connected with me on social media as well.
- 35:23Awesome.
- 35:24Awesome, awesome.
- 35:24And so, again, to my fabulous audience and viewing audience and those who
- 35:30are joining, who are with us today, I wanna say thank you for, you know,
- 35:36sitting there with us and now you have heard from Dr. Ja'Net Bishop-Nesbit.
- 35:42If you would like to be a guest on this show, Chatting with the Experts,
- 35:46reach out to me on my website, which is chattingwiththeexperts.com.
- 35:51I'm also on LinkedIn as Paula Okonneh.
- 35:54I am on Instagram.
- 35:56My handle there is at Chchat_experts_podcast
- 36:03and I am also on Facebook.
- 36:07I tend to forget Facebook.
- 36:08How could I'm on Facebook.
- 36:11We also have a YouTube channel that I'll encourage you to subscribe to so
- 36:15that you can see all the empowering and the, oh my gosh, fantastic
- 36:20experts that I've had over the years.
- 36:23All women from either Africa, the Caribbean, or in the diaspora who share
- 36:29my mission of inspiring, educating and empowering women globally.
- 36:33So Dr. Ja'Net, this has been fantastic.
- 36:38Let's open up the floor now to all who joined us so that they can
- 36:41ask you or comment on some of the things that you just shared with me.
- 36:45Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for saying yes.
- 36:50Yes.