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Rabbi Moshe Haber Orchot Yashar: The Power of Giving Respect 5.17.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  So we're going through these letters, these this idea of
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  Heinsky has of the steps of gardens of a Jew based on the
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  letters of the alphabet. And by a little cough, we
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  discuss cavort of parents, cavort of rabbis.
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  And last week we began cavort of friends, cavort of Cavaro.
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  And it's important that this is actually even though this season
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  of Cavaro Cavaro was it reached the whole originally beginning
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  part of the ominous season. What we had at 24,200 be a Kiva
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  passed away because they didn't give respect to each other.
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  As an example of the need of Kavoda friends.
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  Really, overall, it's a major, major concept, Kavoda Cabiro and
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  one of the most important concepts out there.
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  I'll just show you how important it is and what does it mean to
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  give respect to friends? And you have to get to the core
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  of this concept to really be good at it.
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  You can't just sketch around with this.
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  You have to really understand the depth of the idea.
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  So the example he brings as the Gemara say that one rabbi asks
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  another one, and he said the words are Rabchista asks Avuna
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  was a student and Avuna was the rabbi.
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  The student asked the rabbi his rabbi.
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  He said, what happens? He answered random questions.
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  What happens when a rabbi needs his students for something?
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  What's the story there? He asked the question.
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  I'm not sure what the question was about.
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  Was it about respect or what? What happens when a rabbi needs
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  a student for something? He's talking to his own rabbi,
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  asking that question to him. And the rabbi responded very
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  strongly and said, Kista, Kista, I don't need you.
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  He thought he was talking about himself.
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  I don't need you. What happened next?
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  Because they realized that one person kind of insulted the
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  other Revuna by asking that question.
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  Kista, by asking that question, I insulted his rabbi.
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  The next step was the one who asked the question fasted for 40
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  days because he felt so bad that he painted his rabbi.
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  The next step was the rabbi fasted 40 days because of what
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  he said back, which meant as a classic example, the rabbi
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  brings in this book of how important respect is, how
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  valuable respect of another person is.
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  It's worth as a punishment fasting 40 days when you feel
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  like you've slighted a person even the smallest amount.
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  These other examples and it's a classic example fasting health,
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  fasting.com, fairpoint, I'm sure they asked Mehila too, but they
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  just felt so bad that they insulted another person.
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  And the reason this is such an important topic before I give
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  you more proofs to the idea is that this is an area that you
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  can have a person who thinks that they're a fine person.
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  You can have people who believe that there are people of
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  character themselves and they can, in my humble opinion, fail
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  at this topic so badly and they'll never know, which means
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  respect of another person by definition is lifting the other
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  person up. Respect of another person is
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  recognizing that person's existence, for example.
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  And yes, there's been a shot. We had the topic of counting.
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  Who did the counting with all I'm so who did the counting
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  Moshe and out on himself. So I heard yesterday and I
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  followed the city. I said over by the table.
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  He said, why dove come on Shane out onto the counting.
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  Why don't you have the people who do the census?
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  If you remember in the old days the census was done by hand,
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  people knocking the door and they did the census.
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  Who are those people? I don't know, some city worker
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  who didn't have a job and now had a job for a day.
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  Why do we have to have Moshe and I don't do the count?
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  So he said over. Because Moshe and I don't.
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  If they knock on your door, that makes you feel good.
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  Moshe and I don't came to count me.
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  That means I'm worth something. That was the overall theme, as
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  you mentioned Friday night, the overall theme of counting every
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  Jew to let them realize what they're worth and that they're
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  valuable in the eyes of Hashem. Respect is an extremely
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  important concept. Maybe the most important concept
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  when it comes to man, to man is Cabo de Cabrero, to give another
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  person respect. And the reason it's so
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  significant to work on is because unless you are aware of
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  the need for this topic, unless you recognize the importance of
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  giving another person respect, like I said, someone can think
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  he's a nice guy. Someone can think that I do
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  things right in life. And you can ignore other people.
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  You can insult other people left and right and not even know.
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  You'll never know. You can have a person who's
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  upset at you for having for you not looking at them the right
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  way. You're like, what?
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  What's the big deal? That's so sensitive.
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  What you don't realize is that in your presence, they felt like
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  a zero. And because of that, we felt at
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  the topic of respect. That's why it's so important and
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  so significant to be good and to be aware of the need of Cavo de
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  Cabeiro, to recognize how important it is.
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  This is not an exaggeration at all.
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  If we fail our respect, we are removing life.
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  If we give respect, we are providing people oxygen to live.
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  That's how far it goes. That's how significant it is.
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  And that's why he quotes that when a person was up to
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  Shamayim, Bishal, Shahdam, Nifdanim and Alam, they asked
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  him him lock the cavaretta. Did you treat your friend with
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  respect? And you know what, if he did,
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  then he's going to have proper going up this your mind without
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  pain. If not, he has the opposite.
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  He has to deal with suffering. That's how far it goes.
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  If he didn't treat other people with respect, he gave them
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  suffering in this world. That's why he'll get suffering
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  sadly. But on the other hand, if he
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  does treat them respect, it's the opposite.
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  I'll give you a classic idea. I was sitting and learning in my
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  Shiva upstairs on Friday afternoon and someone came up to
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  me and told me this is about Surah and I think it's a good
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  one. He said why is it?
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  And when it comes to the 24,000 students of Rivia Kiva, why did
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  it happen during this season of pre Shavuot?
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  24,000 students would be a kiva. It passed away.
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  Why? Because they didn't give respect
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  to each other. Why do you think it happened
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  during this season before Matan Surah, before Shavuot?
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  So the idea was because their lack of respect to one another
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  was so harmful, but not only that it was harmful, the Torah,
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  it affected negatively the Torah itself.
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  How does that make sense? Isn't this concept, when you
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  don't give other people respect, it has an effect in every area.
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  And one of the big areas that it has an effect even is even when
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  it comes regarding to the Torah itself, which means if you don't
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  give another person respect, you impact how well they learn, you
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  impact how well they function, and you even impact the total
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  that they develop. Think about this point.
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  Those 24,000 students, anyone know their names?
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  I don't have a say over their names. 24,000 students would be
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  like, give up. I don't think you know a single
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  name this huh? They're not the 24,000 students.
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  Those are the five everywhere. The 24,000, we don't hear a
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  single name. Why?
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  Because the total might say had no effect.
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  Why? That's without no effect.
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  Because if you don't give another person respect, they
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  don't exist and you don't exist. That's just the way it is.
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  That's how far it goes. So throughout history, these
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  people don't exist forever. It is the number one most
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  valuable topic when it comes to man To man is a simple idea of
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  giving another person respect. Now here's the beauty of this
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  concept. How expensive is it for you to
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  give another person respect? How much money does it cost?
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  Zero. A smile, a nice word, a hello.
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  How you doing? What's going on?
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  The basic, it's nothing. It's a nothing.
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  It's literally a 0. It's a text.
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  All it causes a basic text or a word.
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  But you know what it does take? It takes the ability to be aware
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  of other people. Sadly, many people are very much
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  self-centered in one way or another, and they don't have the
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  ability to look out beyond themselves.
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  It takes the ability to see other people and to recognize
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  them, and then the rest is easy. The rest is nothing once you
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  have the eyes and the glasses. To look beyond yourself, to see
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  other people in a room, that takes humility.
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  That takes good character. Once you pass that point, the
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  rest is literally just automatic.
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  Of course I'm going to say hello.
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  Of course, when I walk by somebody I'm going to recognize,
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  I'm not going to ignore them. How many people have you
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  witnessed who've ignored you throughout life?
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  And like, I don't understand. I'm walking by the person.
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  They see me. How can they ignore me?
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  It's such a basic, it's a basic decency answer is they didn't
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  even see you. In their mind, they didn't even
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  see you. That's how far it goes.
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  Yeah. Thinking about themselves or
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  thinking about work or thinking about the family, whatever it
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  may be. They did not even see you.
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  You need basic respect to understand I need to see the
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  other person. I need to recognize the other
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  person. And then the rest is history.
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  And it's unbelievable in young to give other people cover it.
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  And the reason it's so powerful is because we know when you give
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  other people cover, what happens in return?
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  They give you respect in return. You have the last left, you have
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  the winning. You're the one who wins.
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  It's such a basic, obvious concept, yet it's difficult to
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  attain. It takes humility, it takes
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  awareness, it takes the recognition of other people.
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  But if you do it, you succeed. If you don't, the opposite.
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  It's that simple. I mean, I'm talking to a crowd
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  and all of us here is our MO. That's clear.
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  This is our classic way of doing things to give other people
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  respect. But not everyone is that way.
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  And even a very good respect person can't have times that
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  they don't, right? And it's something that a person
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  has to absorb as their basic way of life.
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  Tell your children to say hello. Tell yourself to say hello.
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  Always see someone and recognize them.
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  Just a basic hello. And with that, an unbelievable
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  person. Mishnam, pick out what it says.
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  We'll close to this four lines. Is there a khakam who's the wise
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  person? Another Mishnam says Holloman
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  Mikulada, who's the keyboard, who's a strong person?
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  How covers you this to someone who controls you etcetera, as
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  though she was the wealthy person, someone who's happy with
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  you a lot, who is the respected person, someone who provides
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  respect to other people. So he brings over here for
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  another rabbi, his name is Rabbi Kupshis.
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  He says 4 things over here. He's 4 items in this topic.
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  They all are items that you would think the opposite.
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  You would think who's a wise man?
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  A person who others ask him for wisdom, not someone who learns
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  from others. You would think who's a strong
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  man? Who's a strong man?
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  You would say someone who fights other people, not someone who
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  controls his temper. Covet.
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  It's going against the opposite. Who's the wealthy man?
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  You would think someone, I see the words, he says, Misha
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  Torreira, somebody trying to amass more wealth is the
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  wealthier men. Not someone's heart, but his lot
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  and who is a respected man, someone who everyone else turns
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  to him and gives him respect, but he doesn't do anything in
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  return. You would think that's the man
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  of honor. That's the mahbad.
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  He says no. In all these examples, when it
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  comes to wealth, wealth is being happy.
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  When it comes to strength, strength is being able to
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  control yourself and not fighting another person.
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  When it comes to wisdom, wisdom has gained knowledge from other
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  people. And for our topic today, when it
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  comes to respect, what is cavort?
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  The essence of cavort to give other people respect.
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  It's cavort for yourself, very simple.
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  If you live in a you're in a room and you don't recognize
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  anybody, so maybe they'll all recognize you.
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  That's fine. They might all recognize you
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  right now. But if you don't recognize them
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  in return, then if the table is turned for whatever reason,
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  maybe you're not in this position anymore, maybe not the
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  rabbi anymore, maybe they don't know you anymore.
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  Whatever it is, that respect goes out the window if you're
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  standing right here, right? And because you're right here,
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  you're on the pulpit. You're the big time person.
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  Everyone is turning to you. But if you don't turn back at
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  them, and if the tables turn, this guy right here, he's got
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  nothing. He has zero.
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  Take the ball player. Imagine your mind, the ball
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  player who was a very big deal. I love these scenarios in my
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  mind. And my favorite, the guy who got
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  drafted, he was a huge deal. And then he pulled his Achilles.
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  What happens? Goodbye.
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  Good luck, I'll see you later. Right?
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  Done. But the person who during that
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  situation, no matter what, even while he is standing in this
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  great position, he turned toward other people and you recognize
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  them. He was aware of their existence.
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  He'll never lose his status, never.
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  Because his status is not that he's dependent on his position.
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  His status actually is. Other people are dependent on
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  him. He gave them so much life and
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  oxygen by giving them respect. He therefore will remain in that
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  position forever. He may not be the great honor,
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  but it will be the great connection.
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  That's how awareness works. So the idea over here is the
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  greatest medal to other people is a medal of respect.
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  But deeper than that, in order to give other people respect,
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  you need to have the awareness, The awareness simply that they
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  exist, the awareness that they're worth something, the
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  awareness that they need you to say hello.
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  And if you do that and you give other people respect, the goal
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  is not that we get it in return, but trust me, you will get it in
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  return. That's what every self says.
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  If you give other people the smile, the hello, a nice word,
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  you will get it back in spades. So you'll get both.
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  You'll get that they love you and you love them and there's no
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  weakness of a year. It takes nothing.
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  It's free and the winnings and the earnings are priceless.
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  That's the idea of Hispanic. Stop with this.