Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How to finally let go of a narcissist for good

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How to finally let go of a narcissist for good · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about how to let go of a narcissist for good.
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  Well, for once and for all, a few different tips and
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  techniques that you can use if you're new here.
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  My name is Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Boom.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back, folks. Yes, yes, yes.
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  The narcissistic people. How to How to let them go for
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  good. How to finally release the
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  narcissist in your life. How to How to get him out of
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  your life, once and for all. Y'all so first of all for we hop
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  into today's episode. Y'all.
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  Make sure you check out my many courses and my support groups
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  because they can help you let them go as well.
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  Link is in, Link is in. The description of every video
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  and podcast that I do is mental illness.thankgiving.com down
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  below. But yes yes yes.
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  How to let them go for good. The first thing y'all I would
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  just say tell yourself the truth.
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  The truth. You know, if I say it in my in
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  my southern drawl that reads with North Carolina drawl.
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  The truth, Tell yourself the truth with an FTURF.
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  The truth. Truth 2F2.
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  It's a you know. Tell yourself the truth.
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  You have to y'all absolutely tell yourself the truth.
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  Write it down so that you can read it.
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  Write it down so that so that it's legible.
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  Write it down so that it is right in front of you so you
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  can't no longer. You can no longer lie to
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  yourself about what's going on. And maybe this person can change
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  and trick yourself or make it. Like I said, give yourself this
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  false hope. Tell yourself the truth about
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  who they actually are right now. Absolutely right now.
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  Who they are right now in this present moment.
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  Not how they used to be. Not how they used to treat you,
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  because that doesn't help you heal.
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  How can y'all be realistic? How can talk about the good
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  stuff help you heal? Unless it's how can how can talk
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  about the good stuff help you heal?
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  They were so nice and kind to me.
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  They were theorists and love Mommy.
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  The cheek clapping was amazing. What is?
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  How does writing down the good stuff help you?
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  You know how so? Right now, who they really are,
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  who you see them as, not who they have to, Not their
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  potential. We're not focused on their
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  potential. You see who they really are.
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  They have not. They're not going to reach their
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  potential or who they can be. You see who they really are.
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  Mask off. Red flags are out.
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  The red flags are flying. You know, red flags are flying
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  everywhere. You got to catch them right now,
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  who they really are right now, in this moment.
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  Tell yourself the damn truth. Y'all you have, y'all.
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  If you don't, if you're afraid to tell yourself the truth, then
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  you're probably going to go back.
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  Keep it real. If you can only focus on the
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  good stuff, you're probably going to go back.
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  Just keep it real. They're still going to be in
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  your life. This is not to forget them.
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  Y'all. You're not going to forget them
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  like it's a it's damn there impossible to forget people that
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  you spent an extended period of time with that you this has
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  changed your life in some way shape or form, good or bad.
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  It's hard to forget that type of person, right.
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  Somebody came to you. It's hard to forget that your
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  first tornado. You know, You know it's hard to
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  forget your first tornado. Yeah, you you know exactly where
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  you were. You know, and what was going on.
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  So it's just like tell yourself the truth.
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  Yeah. You have to you absolutely have
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  to hear. Tell yourself the truth.
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  You know. Believe.
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  I can only focus on the good stuff if if you can only focus
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  on the good stuff. Y'all write down the good stuff
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  and then also write down the bad stuff.
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  Right. If you can only focus on the
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  good stuff and then let write it down on the same piece of paper
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  to show you, to do, to show you the duality of this person.
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  This person could have been good, but they chose to be bad.
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  This person could have treated me good, but they chose to treat
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  me bad because it's a choice. It is a choice.
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  Y'all. It's not just random actions,
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  they're not be They're not possessed, They're not getting
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  control, they're not getting controlled by remote controller.
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  They're a real person. They made the choice to treat
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  you badly. You see?
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  Transference. Use, transference.
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  Y'all. Like, Seriously, Seriously,
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  seriously. The next thing, goodness
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  gracious, the next thing that you can possibly do to help you
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  get past this situation, help you finally let them go.
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  Y'all is to stop saying my narcissist.
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  Simple. It seems simple, doesn't it?
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  If you if the way you describe them in comment sections or to
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  your family and friends or when you're in a support group or
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  something like that, stop saying my narc or my narcissist because
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  that right there means possession.
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  When you say my and then you say debt, right there that's
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  possession. My soda bottle, my phone, my
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  hair tie, my red flag. This is ownership.
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  This is this is how I'm describing things of ownership.
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  You can say my ex or my ex, narcissistic person, my ex,
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  narcissist, my narc X. But make sure you're using that
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  adjective that XX my ex. Make sure you're using it right
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  there. Don't just say my narcissist.
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  Because if you say my narcissist, it's possession.
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  It's kind of, it's still like it.
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  It seems super simplistic, but it's the mind holding on to
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  language matters. The words you, the words you use
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  and how you use them absolutely matter.
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  They really, really do. They absolutely matter.
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  So stop saying my narcissist or my narc.
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  If you catch yourself saying it, just correct it.
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  My ex. If you catch yourself writing it
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  down, just correct it. My ex, my ex narc, my ex
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  partner, my ex toxic person. You see what I'm saying?
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  My narcissistic parent. Because it can't be, it can't be
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  your ex parent, you know the narcissist in your life is your
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  parent. It can't be your ex parent.
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  You know, my ex boss, my ex narcissistic boss, but like
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  parent is different, you know? My ex brother, he can be my ex
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  brother-in-law, but like my ex brother, my ex narcissistic
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  brother, you know, it's it's really, it's very important, the
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  words you use, y'all. So make sure you use better
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  descriptive words to help you heal because that's what it
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  make. I hope it makes sense to you
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  that the words you use really, really have an impact on how you
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  feel and how you coordinate and how you navigate life.
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  So make sure you say my ex narcissist, my narcissistic ex,
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  my toxic ex. Make sure you you make sure
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  you're hammering away at the X word because it helps you in the
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  long run. You know you have to be.
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  You have to stay empowered on this, on this space right here.
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  The next thing that you can do y'all this is going to be #3,
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  right here. The next thing that you can do
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  is to just be again. It's about honesty.
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  But tell yourself that there's no reward.
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  You know there's no pot of gold at the end of this toxic ass
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  rainbow. You know the normal rainbow has
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  all these bright colours. The toxic narcissistic rainbow
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  is all dark, sludgy, swampy colours.
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  Dark like beet red. You know how you know the normal
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  rainbow has the bright red in it.
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  The the toxic narcissistic rainbow has like beet red or you
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  know, some dark stain color. Got stains, It's got chips in
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  it. It's not a normal rainbow.
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  This rainbow is jagged. It's the shape of a rainbow, but
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  it's got jagged edges. There's pieces missing.
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  There's holes in it. It's it's a weird rainbow.
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  You know what I mean? Drop a rainbow in a
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  conversation. You've made it this far.
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  I appreciate you, but it's it's a weird rainbow.
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  But there's no pot of gold. There's no reward at the end of
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  this rainbow. Y'all There really isn't.
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  I know people are just like, if I stay a little longer, maybe
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  they'll change. If I give them another chance,
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  maybe they'll change. There's going to be a reward for
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  me, for my struggle. There's going to be a reward for
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  the time I put in for y'all. Your reward can be your freedom.
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  Your reward can be your understanding.
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  Your reward can be having setting boundaries, having
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  standards for your life. That's your reward.
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  Your reward can't be this person that's treating you horribly.
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  Y'all they can't be this person that's treated you hardly.
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  Let's say y'all been together for 20 years and this is not me
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  telling you to leave. But I said y'all been together
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  20 years. It is in in 20 years.
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  Y'all. They had 20 years to treat you
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  better, right? They treated you bad for 17 out
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  of these 20 years. Even if they started changing
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  their behaviors now, it'd be hard pressed, very hard pressed
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  for you to just be like, you know, I forgive you.
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  I forgive you. Everything you've ever done to
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  me. No.
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  Yeah, that's hard as hell to do. It's hard not to hold hold that
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  against them. It really is.
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  So you have to take yourself. There's no reward in this space
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  right here. Like I say when I say, when you
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  let, when I say letting go of the narcissist for good, it's
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  letting me letting go of them emotionally too.
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  It's not just physically. It's not just physically letting
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  them like a a little balloon and letting them fly off.
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  It's emotionally too. You're letting go of them
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  emotionally because sometimes people stay because they think
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  there's, they think there's a reward, you know, they think
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  there's a reward at the end of this, at the end of this toxic
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  rainbow for them. There's not, you know, there's
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  no reward for this right here. So you have to empower yourself
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  to understand there's no reward for staying.
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  There's no gift you get at the end of the rainbow for being a
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  ride or die. It's up dying.
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  Ride or die. Ride or die.
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  You ride or you die. Most times you die.
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  Emotionally, it's emotional death, not physical.
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  Sometimes it's physical, but most times it's emotional to
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  death. Death, you know, And as I say
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  and the last thing that I will cover today is going to help
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  you, you know, finally let that person go.
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  It will help you finally get that release that you're that
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  you're so, so surging for. Y'all is to stop making excuses
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  for their behaviors. You don't have to do it.
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  Y'all. There's there's no, you don't
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  have to do these in any order, but you have to stop making
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  excuses for their behavior. You have to stop.
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  Hey, they had a bad childhood, so I need to forgive them.
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  No. Yeah, they bet you can have.
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  You can have empathy for the fact that for the fact that they
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  had a bad childhood, but damn y'all they doesn't give them the
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  right to treat you horribly. They would, they would leave.
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  They went to jail for 20 years. They don't know how to how to
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  act in real life right now. Y'all.
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  They still does not give them the right to treat you horribly
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  because they've been locked up for 20 years.
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  You know, they never had a they they grew up in a single parent
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  household with lack of memes. Y'all.
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  So did I. You see what I'm saying?
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  It's just any space, right? They still does not give them
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  the right to treat you horribly, to cheat on you, to beat on you,
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  to lie to you, to steal from whatever it is to hold you back,
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  to not celebrate your wins. It doesn't give them the right
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  to do that. Their struggle is not giving
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  them the right to make you struggle, or to talk to to bring
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  you down to their level or to try to.
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  So you have to stop making excuses for their behavior.
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  Yeah, they do that enough. That narcissistic person does it
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  enough. They make enough excuses for
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  their own behaviors. Don't you jump in on an excuse
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  train too? Don't you give them more
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  excuses. Don't you start blaming yourself
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  because that's that's without that's the roof.
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  There could be a whole nother one but we'll add it in right
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  here though. We'll add this in.
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  You know when you start blaming yourself, you lose because
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  that's what they want. They're already blaming you.
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  So if you start blaming yourself you give them that excuse.
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  If you, if you start saying things like, well, I'm not
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  perfect either. Got you.
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  As soon as you open your mouth and say that they got you.
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  So you just say, well, I haven't been perfect either.
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  I haven't been the best. I haven't.
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  Yeah. As soon as you start saying it
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  yes, you might not have been a perfect person.
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  Nobody's a perfect person. Y'all.
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  You're just stating the obvious when you say I haven't been a
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  perfect person. Unless you're out here cheating
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  and doing some craziness, you know what I mean?
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  But like the perfect person stuff is goes out, the goes out
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  the door. You know, being a perfect person
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  goes out the door. But you say that to them, you
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  lose. I promise you.
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  Because they got you now. Because now they can just say,
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  oh, we both made mistakes. You said you weren't a perfect
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  person, so now you're taking it back.
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  So you do think you're perfect. Y'all, stop blaming yourself,
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  stop blaming yourself. I'm just telling you just being
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  realistic, stop blaming yourself and giving this person more
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  excuses. Stop excusing their behaviours
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  because their behaviours are not justified because of their
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  childhood, their growth, what they've been through, their
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  current situation. Somebody that passed away 15
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  years ago, the job that they lost a girl that broke their
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  heart 25 years ago. A man that cheated on them 15
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  years ago. Y'all that does not excuse their
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  behaviours for how they treat you right now.
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  Get down to the nitty gritty of y'all.
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  But seriously I appreciate every single one of y'all.
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  I'm super thankful for y'all again.
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  Join my support groups, take a take my mini course and have
• 12:19
  some more courses coming out as well.
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  Y'all link is in the description.
• 12:22
  Make sure you subscribe to this channel and tell this is out
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  Please. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
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  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
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  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
• 12:34
  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
• 12:36
  on my playlist. There's also a link available up
• 12:39
  here for you to purchase my kids.
• 12:41
  But remember, it's not your fault on Amazon so check that
• 12:44
  out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.