Latest / Decisions, Decisions / EP 486: No Label, No Loving! feat. Bryanna Gena

Transcript

EP 486: No Label, No Loving! feat. Bryanna Gena · Decisions, Decisions

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: The decisions, decisions. Oh la meno, this is the old,
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: this is the old? Are you latina? Guess she's not
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: a lautina again?
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: I wanted to be a spy yo today God day,
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: let me finish may Yamo Monday by a ka pegde
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Stellon aka Peggan Marclay.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: I just wanted to add the little apostrophe above all
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: of that. And I'm sitting next to boy.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: My name is Wisy.
• 0:33
  Speaker 4: Y'all, Oh my goodness, my goodness, oh my goodness, having
• 0:37
  Speaker 4: the engage today because we want to talk about these
• 0:40
  Speaker 4: saying with other people. And how do you say tall
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: and Spanish? And she is boy, I'll tell.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: There.
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: So okay, hey guys, we have my girl, Brianna Gina
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: aby As a certified sex and Relationship coach, Ford, certified Texologists,
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: and registered nurths dedicated to restoring national health in the
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: black community.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: By the way, y'all heard the art and the a
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: y'all heard, the credentials are real?
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: Hello, I don't know, No, we got to talk about it.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: Not only are they're on you all there on your website. Hey,
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: she has her credentials on her website.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: You ain't gonna challenge me on babe babe.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: She integrates relational science, cultural awareness, clinical insight, and spiritual
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: discernment to help singles and couples navigate dating, intimacy, and
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: connection with clarity and intention.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Y'all giving up My girl who's six seven is six
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: seven area assignment.
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: So you we happing to talk us because I would
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: never pull up on you. I'm not about to have
• 1:47
  Speaker 4: my nigga be distracted.
• 1:49
  Speaker 5: No facts girls intro was I mean, I don't even understand.
• 1:53
  Speaker 5: I don't even know it was that me Like I
• 1:55
  Speaker 5: was like, wow, I sound.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Amazing you you sound great? Well, nay, but a little
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: but this y Gina?
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: But but I didn't like was there accent?
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: But I don't be.
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: A g Gina but a then I would have said
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: Gina to me. I don't know what the extent to me.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: That's why I was you had like five on your
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: I was coming in with the extentos because I saw
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: the ex but but i't know how to add it
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: to you, know, because I don't call you by your government.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Just what do you call me? Like just talk? I
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: don't even know. Yeah.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: So we we've been outside together a few times and
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: of course, I come up right to her bosom, telling
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: where we officially like, okay, were we like officially connected?
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Was a place that I was not supposed to be.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: She was not supposed to be there.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: I was. Everyone told me, bitch, why are you here?
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: Because why not? So I met her at the tall.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: People meet up? And what did you do? All people
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: meet up.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: It's supposed to be women that are five eleven plus
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: and men that are six three plus.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: So what the fuck was you doing there?
• 3:13
  Speaker 5: You know?
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: I had out like a store thumb, which.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: Is crazy that I stood out and ride full of
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: tall people exactly.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I don't ever like. I was just walking around like this.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: I thought no one saw me, but everybody was like, oh,
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: but you know, she's who she is.
• 3:26
  Speaker 5: So nobody was like gonna say nothing. I mean no,
• 3:28
  Speaker 5: they all said something they didn't know.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Everybody was like, girl, why mofucker us? Are you the
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: only little person? Call it a little person crazy? There
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: a couple there was a couple that I did look
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: like that.
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: There were there were a couple uh short girls that
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: were there.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, not many, literally less than a handful. One of
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: my friends was little and she was there.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: So but everyone for the most part was and how
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: oll are you? I'm six feet okay, yeah, but where's heilled?
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: You know what makes you seem taller? But the shape
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: of your body?
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I realized women are tall and this is a
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: stuff like persephony.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: I met her for the person who was like.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: Whoa, But it's because her titties literally hit you in
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: the face and energy too, and she's hot.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Your titties was in my face that night.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: It was Yeah, I literally came up to the titty level
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: and here I go, like and I'm trying, girl.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: I was like, this is the whole Now I had
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: a nerd.
• 4:22
  Speaker 5: I want to take a picture between two tall women
• 4:24
  Speaker 5: and we both like basically breast and face.
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna show you all the picture. I'll post the
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: pictures that I could see.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: So could you always like have comfortability in being tall? Yes?
• 4:36
  Speaker 5: Until so when I was little, I was always tall,
• 4:38
  Speaker 5: and then I was fine. And then I moved into
• 4:40
  Speaker 5: like a white neighborhood and I was the only black kid,
• 4:42
  Speaker 5: so I was already kind of feeling like, oh my god,
• 4:44
  Speaker 5: now I'm taller and bigger than everybody. So that was
• 4:47
  Speaker 5: the only small moment in my life. And then I
• 4:49
  Speaker 5: started playing basketball, and I played basketball whole life, so
• 4:51
  Speaker 5: then I fit back in.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh yeah, okay tall, and then what about
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: for dating? I want to how the problem? But are
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: you only looking for men tall to you? I'm supposed
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: to say yes. I'm supposed to say yes.
• 5:03
  Speaker 5: My mind has always been I want tallst but I
• 5:07
  Speaker 5: find myself with short king No no, no, okay, before
• 5:13
  Speaker 5: the short kings jump in the d please, I'm trying
• 5:16
  Speaker 5: to understand. I'm trying to deprogram myself to think like
• 5:19
  Speaker 5: I'm supposed to look up for my man like hi,
• 5:21
  Speaker 5: instead of looking you know what I'm saying, instead of now,
• 5:23
  Speaker 5: I gotta look down. But if he's funny, I like
• 5:26
  Speaker 5: any short but he can't be little.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: He gotta be.
• 5:29
  Speaker 5: If he's shorter than me by a little bit, he
• 5:31
  Speaker 5: gotta be. He gotta walk like how you be, walking
• 5:34
  Speaker 5: like you success. He gotta act like he's the biggest
• 5:36
  Speaker 5: nigg in the row.
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: See okay, back to short short niggas its short show.
• 5:41
  Speaker 5: So technically I haven't. I haven't really officially. I went
• 5:44
  Speaker 5: on a date or two, but like, it just doesn't
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: work out. The last small short man I went out with,
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: he was like five nine, two years ago, batshit crazy
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: back when I tell you, bah, what made him crazy?
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, so we went on three days, like in
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: a week, and I was like, oh my god. I'm like,
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: oh my gosh.
• 6:02
  Speaker 5: No, well he was he was good, he was good,
• 6:04
  Speaker 5: and that last date, he's just it's like something happened
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: and we went to I don't even want to say specific,
• 6:10
  Speaker 5: so I don't want him to know I'm talking about him.
• 6:12
  Speaker 5: But long story short, I went to Whiskey the next
• 6:14
  Speaker 5: day after the date because I was like, we need
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: to cool off because whatever is happening here it's just
• 6:18
  Speaker 5: too much for me. And so at Whiskey, he want
• 6:21
  Speaker 5: to talk about what happened the day before. I'm like, no,
• 6:23
  Speaker 5: this is not the environment to have that conversation. Then
• 6:25
  Speaker 5: he tried to bring his homeboy in. So no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 6:29
  Speaker 5: what happened on the.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Day that made it bad?
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: So we let's talk about how niggas will talk themselves out.
• 6:35
  Speaker 5: Of pussy, Okay, I said that all the time, my
• 6:38
  Speaker 5: men will talk to Okay. So we went out to
• 6:41
  Speaker 5: we was going to a baseball game, right and I
• 6:43
  Speaker 5: let him know I was running late.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Don't leave your house, yet he lives closer.
• 6:46
  Speaker 5: I was like, don't leave your house, that I'm running late,
• 6:47
  Speaker 5: blah blah blah blah. So we met to get some
• 6:50
  Speaker 5: like food and drink spirts right across the street at
• 6:52
  Speaker 5: like Stony River or something like that. And so when
• 6:54
  Speaker 5: I walk in, I walk in, I'm excited. I'm like hey,
• 6:58
  Speaker 5: and he's like this mind you. I'm walking up from beyond,
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: say hey. He's like, what's up?
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: How late? Were you?
• 7:04
  Speaker 5: Like forty minutes? But I told him, don't leave. No, no, no,
• 7:07
  Speaker 5: I told you, don't leave your house.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: I said it. He was still at home when I
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: told him, I'm running late, don't leave.
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: I don't know if I'm on your side yet. Keep going,
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: keep going. Yeah, I don't know if I'm on your
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: side either.
• 7:16
  Speaker 5: Forties if we were supposed no, no, no, no, no,
• 7:19
  Speaker 5: I said, don't leave.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: He said, I'm going to go anyway. I'll go to
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: the mall first. I know what you're saying.
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: But even if someone isn't waiting on you, forty's pretty late.
• 7:26
  Speaker 5: But it's not late if you left later when I
• 7:29
  Speaker 5: told you to leave, no, because your date was a
• 7:31
  Speaker 5: certain time. Yeah, no, he said, we're going to meet
• 7:34
  Speaker 5: at like six thirty, and I was like, well, listen,
• 7:35
  Speaker 5: don't leave your house because I'm running late.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: So he's like, don't worry about it. I'm gonna go
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: walk around the mall. But you know, he is from
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: the place and all that.
• 7:42
  Speaker 5: He was, he had time to stay home. That's my point, Like,
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: why would you go subject yourself to that? Oh, let
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: me finish the story for y'all. Talk oky, So he
• 7:52
  Speaker 5: didn't get up and greet me or nothing. I was like, okay,
• 7:55
  Speaker 5: So now the energy is kind of like ooh, nai
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: me right. So I sit down. I'm like, so now
• 8:00
  Speaker 5: I'm trying to assess the situation. I'm reading body language,
• 8:03
  Speaker 5: his words.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: He's short. I'm like, is everything I was like, is
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: everything okay? Yep? I said, okay? Hell, I like how
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: long are you?
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 8:16
  Speaker 5: I tried three different times to talk to him, like, hey,
• 8:19
  Speaker 5: I feel like something's going on, Like do we need
• 8:20
  Speaker 5: to talk about something?
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: No, sound like some meat my egg rolls? Like all right, Well,
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: and what were y'all doing during the time we were drinking?
• 8:26
  Speaker 5: Yeah, we were at the bar drinking and getting some
• 8:29
  Speaker 5: snacks before we walk across to the game.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 8:32
  Speaker 5: So I'm now I'm trying to figure out should I
• 8:34
  Speaker 5: just leave because I feel like this is going to
• 8:36
  Speaker 5: be awkward the whole time, and I'm like, dang, I
• 8:39
  Speaker 5: don't want to be mean, but at the same time,
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: I kind of want to go to the baseball game,
• 8:42
  Speaker 5: right right. So then we now we're walking over. He's
• 8:45
  Speaker 5: still like barely talking to me, and I'm like, bro,
• 8:47
  Speaker 5: this is so awkward. So now we get He's like, well,
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: let's get some jersey. So he bought me a jersey. Okay,
• 8:52
  Speaker 5: but he did something that annoyed me in the jersey
• 8:55
  Speaker 5: store and I can't remember what it was. I think
• 8:57
  Speaker 5: he tried to cut someone and then it was like
• 8:59
  Speaker 5: like a little thing and I was like, oh my god,
• 9:01
  Speaker 5: this is embarrassing. Now we get to the seats, right,
• 9:05
  Speaker 5: He's like, well, let's just sit here.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: I'm like, is this our Is this our seats? Oh? No?
• 9:09
  Speaker 5: Oh, but nobody's here anyway. I'm like, but we have
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: seats right here, why are we gonna see it? As
• 9:12
  Speaker 5: soon as we sat down, people walk up, Hey, those
• 9:14
  Speaker 5: are seat I'm not gonna lie and I'm embarrassing. Man,
• 9:18
  Speaker 5: be like, no, let's wait twenty minutes till the things start.
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I want in a concert, I'd be like all
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: the way down.
• 9:24
  Speaker 5: I think that's embarrassing. If someone has to say, hey,
• 9:25
  Speaker 5: you're in our seat, it is embarrassing.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: So then we have to move.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: After I told you it's literally too row mind you,
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: no one can see him, but everybody could see you.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'll just say that, like you know what I mean. Fat.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: So now I'm shut down.
• 9:38
  Speaker 5: I'm cold now because I've tried to I tried to
• 9:41
  Speaker 5: fix it before we walked over here.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: You were cold to me. Now i'm shut down, so
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: I'm just like this.
• 9:46
  Speaker 5: And then that seat thing pissed me off and I
• 9:48
  Speaker 5: was just like okay. And then I think it was
• 9:51
  Speaker 5: a couple next to us and he was.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Just like just kick here with them, and I was like, oh,
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: now he want to be like, what's on? No, girl,
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: I said I.
• 10:02
  Speaker 5: We had an opportunity to fix this. So I was
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: literally the whole time like I'm.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: Trying to figure out how you made it to three,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: but keep going.
• 10:08
  Speaker 5: No, I was three, and then you saw this following
• 10:11
  Speaker 5: night at yeah, so the following night, so now we're passing.
• 10:13
  Speaker 5: So after that, I was like, Okay, we need to
• 10:15
  Speaker 5: cool off because this is just not working. The next day,
• 10:18
  Speaker 5: fast forward, whiskey mystery is, let's talk about it.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: So that was date number two.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: Three, that was three, and then they're saying.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: I want all my girls.
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah that is oh sorry, yes, yeah, that's where you
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: go right before mc K You need a new place, dude, babe,
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: this is Michael Atlanta.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: Need something else.
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: Besides, they have a lot of other places, but I
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: just don't go.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is the only places I go. Keep going Okay, yeah,
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: So I'm at the bar.
• 10:47
  Speaker 5: He's he comes up, He's like hey, and I'm like, oh, hey,
• 10:49
  Speaker 5: you know how you doing?
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: Blah blah blah. He wants to talk about the previous day.
• 10:52
  Speaker 5: I'm like, well, this is not really an environment because
• 10:54
  Speaker 5: music blasting loud. And like I said, he tried to
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: get his homeboy, like, hey, doss, so letstnight im. No, no, no, no, no,
• 10:59
  Speaker 5: I don't do that whole friend conversation thing. We could
• 11:01
  Speaker 5: talk one on one when the time is good, right, y'all.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: I walk away. He starts rapid texting me, calling.
• 11:09
  Speaker 5: Me names, going off like I think he called me
• 11:12
  Speaker 5: a bitch and like whoa Like he said, you're he
• 11:17
  Speaker 5: said a lot.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: He said a lot. Did he did?
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: Did any of the name calling, hint towards your height
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: at all?
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Like, did the insecurities?
• 11:26
  Speaker 5: I don't remember being beautiful bitch. I'm trying to remember.
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: I feel like no, I feel like it was just
• 11:35
  Speaker 5: like I was a bitch and I'm acting like something something,
• 11:39
  Speaker 5: whatever the case is. I gave him warnings mind you
• 11:41
  Speaker 5: just before I got a little closer to God. Okay,
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: this was two years ago. I said, okay, I think
• 11:46
  Speaker 5: you should stop texting me because this is not gonna
• 11:48
  Speaker 5: go well, like I need you to just take we
• 11:50
  Speaker 5: can just talk tomorrow.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: He just kept going. I said, oh yeah, I would
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: have blocked you want me to start mind you before
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: I got close to the guy. When I tell you
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: I unleashed, I.
• 12:03
  Speaker 5: Felt bad, act shame him. I probably did. I hight
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: shamed him. I think I said something vulgar, like you
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: acting like a pussy. You should just let me peg you,
• 12:13
  Speaker 5: I said, a lot, since you want. I felt bad, No, seriously,
• 12:17
  Speaker 5: I felt bad like a week later, not a week later,
• 12:20
  Speaker 5: but I felt bad after he left voicemails crying, saying
• 12:23
  Speaker 5: like I can't believe you would say those things. To
• 12:25
  Speaker 5: me and that really hurt me, and I can't believe
• 12:29
  Speaker 5: you with I.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: Was just like, that is terrifying.
• 12:32
  Speaker 5: I was like, but it was like he caught me
• 12:34
  Speaker 5: seventy fives, like seventy six.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Times and see stuff like this.
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: I know this is like a really ridiculous segue, but
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: here's my thought in my add Okay, this is why
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: doctor Shyanne Ryan lying about being a doctor really hurts
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: the Black community because niggas that are mentally ill like
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: this need to be going to the doctor. But because
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: we don't trust doctors, motherfuckers, don't go. He needs to
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: be diagnosed because you're fucking crazy.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: And I didn't want him to start.
• 12:58
  Speaker 5: I kept giving him warnings with My thing is you
• 13:00
  Speaker 5: can't say things to me and then get upset that
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: I retaliate and say things back.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: And I took it up like fifty notches. I will say.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: However, I had a friend who was supposed to go
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: on a date. She showed up forty minutes late and
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: the man was not there fair, and she had the
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: nerve to like then infiltrate herself onto my date because
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: she was like, oh, I can meet up now, because
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: he loved can you believe he fucking left.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: I was getting my.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: Makeup, donkey, I said, yes, bro, like, I don't think that.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: I think forty. Let me let me ask what is
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: an okay time to be late.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: For a date. And this was the first day, fifteen
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: to twenty.
• 13:34
  Speaker 5: If we're if we're sticking to the original time, ten minutes, ten, ten, sixteen,
• 13:40
  Speaker 5: I would give.
• 13:41
  Speaker 6: Twenty fifty fifteen, twenty is okay.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: If we're community.
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: Absolutely at fifteen we lose our table reservation, so fourteen
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: minutes is too late. And once like, now we got
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: to reput our name on a listener.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: I'm leaving you.
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: I gotta The last day I can remember that was
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: excuse for me was in La where we were eating
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: downtown at a place I wanted to try, and he's like,
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: he lives in Beverly Hills. I didn't consider that's on
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: the west side.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Downtown is all the way right.
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: He was like, hey, it saying about forty minutes for me,
• 14:16
  Speaker 4: He's like, luckily I left in time. The time went
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: up and parking lots became full because there was a
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: game downtown, and I was like, I get it, there's a.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: Fucking Lakers game.
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: You already came from for I really do think certain
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: things can be excused. I'm necessarily business, but a date
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: can be casual.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: It's, you know whatever, we can excuse it.
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: And I think how the person shows up apologizes, that's
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: what I can handle.
• 14:42
  Speaker 5: Yeah, so the thing is I did apologize. But my
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: thing is we didn't have a reservations. We were mean
• 14:47
  Speaker 5: at the bar, and we could have changed the meat
• 14:49
  Speaker 5: up to seven fifteen.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: So just to me, I'm not trying to argue.
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: I'm not trying to say, like a lot, I'm lack
• 14:54
  Speaker 5: of accountability.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: It's just your face is you did it. I know
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: you liked getting ready then started an hour early, but nothing.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Y'all know I do not lack tardy knicks. But I
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: will say, talking to you crazy is awful.
• 15:12
  Speaker 5: I agree, I agree. I'm usually punctual. I am you
• 15:16
  Speaker 5: were today. You were punctual today and we weren't.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: Well, it wasn't our fault.
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: You know. The last time someone wrote me crazy and
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: I run into him sometimes in New York and he
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: brings it up. Oh we're not friends, but he'll just
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: be like, yo, what like that shit? I never had
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: a girl scare me like that.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Uh.
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: He was writing me something in a way that was
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: emotional when I started dating my boyfriend at the time,
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: and whatever he said to me, I didn't like. And
• 15:45
  Speaker 4: I wrote him and I said, one thing about me,
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: you want to say, I misled you.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: I did x y Z.
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: The one thing you know about me is I got money.
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: And there's a bunch of niggas that are desperate for
• 15:55
  Speaker 4: a thousand dollars that would do whatever the fuck they
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: want to you.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: And I'm telling you, don't fucking with me. That's too
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: big bag. Like I really.
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: Believe when men start talking to me in a certain way,
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: the only thing I can combat with is having a
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: nigga run up on you. And niggas don't have ship
• 16:09
  Speaker 4: to lose. I really like done it before and I'll
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: do it again. Don't play with me. I've let every
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: man in my life know. And maybe it's some trauma
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: I've had for being an abusive relationship in the past,
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: but I'm like, oh, I'll pay a nigga on you,
• 16:23
  Speaker 4: like I really will. I will go outside right in
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: the Lower East Side and be like, you want to
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: make fifteen dollars and I'll send you togas.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: I'll be like, get your friends too. I don't know.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: I don't like that's a lot like no, I a'll
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: talk to me. We think comped down so violent. I'm
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: telling you this is a fun happy This is fictional
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: because it's not real.
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: Tenny, You not talk about you will hire a hitman
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: on some niggas.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: That's what a hit man is.
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: You talk about paying a nigga run over and go,
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: did you you shove the fuck?
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: You?
• 16:59
  Speaker 5: Wait?
• 16:59
  Speaker 4: What?
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Okay? Nothing?
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: But I really do think that there's nothing else that
• 17:04
  Speaker 4: kind of will get a man off you without feeling
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: like having other niggas today, it'll.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: Be like like my man's gonna come over there my home.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: But no, I will get ruthless niggas. Bro, nothing to
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: lose in life to come take care of it. That's
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: what I said. They got nothing to lose.
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: If a nigga will do it for a thousand dollars, bro,
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: imagine when I give him fifty the Lower east Side,
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: you could give him a six pack and a blunt.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: Bro. I'm gonna tell you right now, don't let no
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: bitch play with me. I'm o lord the Lower east Side,
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: you got the crazy Puerto Rican holes. I'm not. I'm
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: gonna excuse me. I'm not getting shoot.
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: Well, y'all because we have a board certified sexologist and
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: relationship coach. We're getting into all the things. Do you
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: want to do a tree real quick before we get
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: into some nominogamy and more?
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, girl self? Howear?
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: Tree? Was? Is our segment where basically we read a
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: song you may know, like poetry. I have to because
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: they're really easy, so I'm gonna do my best.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: She'd be saying they're really easy, but I don't know
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: they are these black songs.
• 18:07
  Speaker 7: You know.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Don't just don't try me be I say, don't know
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: since you been gone?
• 18:13
  Speaker 6: Yes, actually y'all know? Okay, mm hmm, I never get that.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: I'm nervous.
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: I won't waste my time trying to figure out why
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: you've been playing games?
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: What is this all about?
• 18:25
  Speaker 7: Oh?
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: I know this? Okay, let me keep going.
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: Okay, I can't believe you're hurting me. I met your girl.
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: What a difference?
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: I know that part I met your girl? What a difference?
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: Keep going?
• 18:41
  Speaker 6: Know what you see in her? Oh you ain't seen me?
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: I know it, but I make believe is make believe next?
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: But I guess if it's all just make.
• 18:52
  Speaker 6: Believe girl, Evey, I don't ask.
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: Oh we found yeah, we found out.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you ain't gonna get this one either. Okay,
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: but I got that one right, one point for me.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: But you know these no, I don't. No, I didn't.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: I didn't know. We don't tell you. We don't share
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: each other, okay, with each other.
• 19:18
  Speaker 6: See the thing about you and I didn't like that
• 19:21
  Speaker 6: you started with got me.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: It's the same thing that makes me changed my mind.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: That a hard text FLA.
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: I tried think, y'all sit down and span take out the.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Kind of looks just like you Chi even smiles just
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: the way you do. So okay, yeah, I have my coffee,
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: not my voice is it's here. It's his baby. Oh
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: that was.
• 19:53
  Speaker 5: You can't.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: We don't have it myself.
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: I got my black heart, whole card, whole tree poetry.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, Well, let's get into non monogamy.
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: But also I wanted to lean into this because you
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: help relationships in monogamous, like that's one of your categories specifically.
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: But I saw this clip and it's of a man
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: talking about what non monogamy looks like to him and why,
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: and I thought it was really interesting for us to
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: get into it.
• 20:25
  Speaker 5: Are you saying to men who want to explore Polly
• 20:27
  Speaker 5: but struggle with the woman ship?
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Yees sharing their women or the woman having freedom?
• 20:33
  Speaker 7: Yeah, because I feel like being and women both having
• 20:35
  Speaker 7: the same freedoms can be geyst right.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: So women think that they can do like non monogamy
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: like men.
• 20:41
  Speaker 7: But I don't necessarily agree with that because women attached
• 20:44
  Speaker 7: to men differently, men attach to women differently.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Right. She likes being flirted, right, So like I'm cool
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: with that, Like, oh yeah, should be able to flirt
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: with people and be okay. Right, So it's like it's.
• 20:53
  Speaker 7: Like off slow like leg your women kind of like
• 20:56
  Speaker 7: you know, feel her way through like what her nominogomy
• 20:58
  Speaker 7: might look like, right, because it doesn't have to beat
• 21:00
  Speaker 7: me that your woman to sleep with somebody else?
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: Could she goes out on dates?
• 21:04
  Speaker 7: You know, we talked about her having cuddle dates, like
• 21:06
  Speaker 7: you know, so it doesn't sexual.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: If it was sexual, what it bothered me?
• 21:10
  Speaker 7: Our rules allow that. I just tell her it's like
• 21:13
  Speaker 7: you have to manage this, right, because like when we don't,
• 21:16
  Speaker 7: then that's when the problems.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 21:17
  Speaker 7: So it's like, for example, if not brought a woman
• 21:19
  Speaker 7: into this situation and then the woman just like this
• 21:22
  Speaker 7: kidd her or not, Then I'm not I haven't fitted
• 21:24
  Speaker 7: the person properly, and then that's not well. Go if
• 21:26
  Speaker 7: she goes off of the guy and then the guys
• 21:28
  Speaker 7: like either like more empowering than her or he like
• 21:32
  Speaker 7: it's influencing her to break our rules, that's not good.
• 21:35
  Speaker 7: You see what I'm saying. So she also has a
• 21:37
  Speaker 7: responsible to communicate with the other person. Hey, these are
• 21:39
  Speaker 7: our guidelines, and if you can't respect that, then you
• 21:42
  Speaker 7: got to go.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: You know. Sometimes I'm like, really, go through your thing.
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: I love, but he's like flirty and he's like social
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: like that, let's see to pop on himself.
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: I have some Okay, you have some thoughts. Okay, real quick,
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: do we all like or agree with the video?
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: At least?
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: Oh y'all don't y'all look like y'all don't.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, see, let's let's talk about it.
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: I think that moti of women would like, there's a
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: lot of open relationships that are one ended open yes,
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: and basically because women sometimes don't need sex from someone else.
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: Here's the problem with that logic. I think that we're
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: just placing the idea that women are so emotional. What
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: part of the logic, oh, just that yeah, that we
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: only could want a cuddle date.
• 22:27
  Speaker 6: I can tell you right now, my man would.
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: Not be up for a cuddle date at all because
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: within our dynamic it is absolutely non emotional, right, Like
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: we would be polyamorous if that was the case. If
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: my man saw that video and heard about dates and cuddling,
• 22:45
  Speaker 4: he'd be.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: Like what this was leaning more into the polydynamic with
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: non monogamy. I actually really appreciated what he said in
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: terms of, like my partner, it doesn't have to all
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: be about sex, right right, my partner likes to flirt.
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: My partner could go on dates, even offering the cuddle thing.
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: I think there's a there's a difference, Like there are
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: women that have the issue with the actual bornication and
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: maybe carrying in terms of paying bills I just heard.
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: But also we have to just be transparent about this too,
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: Like what would a man then be doing, what.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: Would his.
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: What would the advantage be for a man who is
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: just taking someone out on dates to cuddle them? So
• 23:27
  Speaker 4: and as in, if you're going to date someone that's
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: in an open relationship, generally there is a sexual exchange.
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: I have homeboys, I can go out to eat with.
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: What the fuck am I going on dates with nigga?
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: A cuddle for I got a nigga.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: It's weird because for me, like my polydynamic is like
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: even when I talk like I don't have sex with everyone,
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: I have the two that talks to me and I
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: could still talk to other men. I don't have sex.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: Really looks at the side nigga, but uh, which he fine,
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: you already know. But like when I talk to other
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: guys sometimes it could just be like we have things
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: in common that we talk about, like I don't.
• 24:00
  Speaker 6: But what then makes that romantic?
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean to me, I don't want caring about
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: me is romantic?
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: Does?
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 24:06
  Speaker 5: So I think I think it's it's based on how
• 24:09
  Speaker 5: people are trying to define polyamory because a lot of
• 24:11
  Speaker 5: times when people are talking about what they think polyamory is,
• 24:15
  Speaker 5: they just want open relationships and it's usually one Friday.
• 24:17
  Speaker 5: They want sex. They don't want the emotional management of
• 24:20
  Speaker 5: multiple people. That's like the polyamory and polyamory doesn't necessarily
• 24:24
  Speaker 5: have to involve sex. It's like I'm trying to give
• 24:27
  Speaker 5: my love, you know, a more. It's like multiple loves.
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: So I'm trying to give my love and attention and
• 24:32
  Speaker 5: care to multiple people. Most men don't want that. They
• 24:35
  Speaker 5: want sex or a lot of people. I'm not saying everybody,
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: but the men I see online who want that open
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: relationship and their ability to sleep with multiple people. It's
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: typically I just want to open ended relationship on my side.
• 24:46
  Speaker 6: Because I can just have sex, but she can't.
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: Exactly, He literally just said in that video, like now
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: if she can't handle that, if he like, well, no, she's.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: He said that he allows it.
• 24:59
  Speaker 4: No, no, I'm talking about now, but he kind of he
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: kind of shifted the tours like, oh, cuddling and because
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: she like, oh, we can.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: Define it how we want.
• 25:07
  Speaker 5: I don't. I think also said women handle emotions differently. Yeah, hey, dad,
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: I had a little bit of bias. I think that
• 25:12
  Speaker 5: here was I felt that? Yeah, now whereas I?
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: But I want to ask y'all because we've had this
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: conversation a lot on this podcast too, and a lot
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: of people do feel like if you have sex with someone,
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: for women at least, it's inevitable to catch feelings like
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: I think women that's That's what I'm saying. So when
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: we have these conversations, I don't want to lean into all,
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: but we do know majority of women fucking a guy
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: a couple a certain number of times eventually does catch feelings.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: Interesting, that is the reality.
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: I would even argue that while having a main, anchored partner,
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: primary partner, it's almost easier to have sex with other people.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: To me and I have even just.
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: Thinking about Old Bay is when I really realized it.
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: It was my first time being in an open relationship
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: with a man where we were actively doing it, the
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: first I've ever experienced.
• 26:02
  Speaker 6: But yeah, like fucking other people while I.
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: Had an emotional tight in hand was almost easier to
• 26:07
  Speaker 4: have no feelings as opposed to when I was single.
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: I wasn't experiencing emotional connection as frequently. So because I
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: had a primary partner where I was like love you
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: good night, then I could actually fuck niggas and not care.
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: So I would argue at this phase in my life,
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: all of that rhetoric is actually bullshit.
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: I also just think that there has to be boundaries,
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: like if if you are allowed to be in an
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: open relationship and you're you have a primary and your
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: other partners are allowed to spend the night massage you
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: y'all can go on trips. Like it's inevitable for a
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: woman to catch feelings if a man shows up in
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: the nature in which we want a man to show
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: up though, So like, but if you're not safe, but
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: if no, if you're having sex and there and you're
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: also able to do all those other things.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think women can't catch feelings. I agreed, but
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying.
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: So, so if you're not having sex with a man,
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: then this is why it's okay.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: That's why I think this is.
• 26:59
  Speaker 5: What we're like like women, even if it's not sex involved,
• 27:02
  Speaker 5: just that bonding and those experiences is going to connect you.
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, y'all like talking said that if he's short, is
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: he funny?
• 27:11
  Speaker 5: Nos O, Your paintings is a thing. Is a thing
• 27:15
  Speaker 5: that makes someone. That is a type of intimacy that's
• 27:18
  Speaker 5: often overlooked, very humorous.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: Intimacy is a thing.
• 27:21
  Speaker 5: But the thing is speaking back on your the ability
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: for women and like that depends on it's something called
• 27:26
  Speaker 5: like socio sexuality, right, so their ability to disconnect emotions
• 27:30
  Speaker 5: from sex, and so you have oftentimes men who are
• 27:33
  Speaker 5: capable of having. I don't need emotions to even get
• 27:36
  Speaker 5: involved with sex, right then, typically women likes to have
• 27:39
  Speaker 5: that emotional safety, that emotional connection.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: All the things.
• 27:42
  Speaker 5: So it just depends on the person when it comes
• 27:44
  Speaker 5: to you know what that looks like for them.
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: Now, all of these terms and words and terminology of
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: open polyethical nominogamy is.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: Flooding our algorithm.
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: But you focused on helping relationships build healthy monogamy.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: What does that look like?
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: And how do you now teach your couples or people
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: to like not be brainwashed by all of these terms
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: that we use. Because I feel like monogamy is not natural.
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: I feel like it's difficult. So I'm curious how you
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: help people stay in a healthy monogamous relationship.
• 28:17
  Speaker 5: And that's the thing. Social media makes everything visible. It
• 28:20
  Speaker 5: puts thoughts in your mind. Oh maybe we should try that.
• 28:23
  Speaker 5: Since we can't stop cheating on each other, maybe we
• 28:25
  Speaker 5: should just open it. Yeah, so it depends on your
• 28:28
  Speaker 5: motive of wanting to be in an open relationship.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: What are good motives?
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: And because you just mentioned so, A, what are good
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: motives to open a relationship? But B do you think
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: there's ever a healthy relationship? After cheating and introducing not monogenout. Okay,
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: that second question, I don't know. It's gonna be tough.
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: It's hard to get cheated on.
• 28:51
  Speaker 5: Then say, the solution is opening the relationship because you
• 28:55
  Speaker 5: already have been deceived. You are feel hurt. Now you
• 28:57
  Speaker 5: have to just be okay with your partner. Weren't okay
• 29:00
  Speaker 5: with it in the first place, so now how is
• 29:02
  Speaker 5: it going to be okay? And you have to get
• 29:04
  Speaker 5: mentally in there, like okay, And I.
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: Want to give you your life scenario that I just
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: talked about yesterday with a close friend of mine. Basically situationship.
• 29:16
  Speaker 4: They're both into each other. I don't even want to
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: say if I spoke to.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: The man or the woman.
• 29:21
  Speaker 4: However, in the scenario, there has been a lack of
• 29:28
  Speaker 4: title and commitment from the man because he's not sure
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: if he can be monogamous. Ok So what's been presented
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: is now there's been some disagreements about her feeling like
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: he's lied him, possibly being around other women, sex with
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: other women, etc. So they already have a lot of
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: arguments around this, right, Yeah, So the man doesn't want
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: to lose the woman and it is like, hey, I
• 29:57
  Speaker 4: am in love with her.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: I do want to be with her.
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: So she has been offered to have a relationship that
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: is non monogamous. I don't know if this will work
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: because in between the situationship of a year, she's already
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: expressed how frustrated she is. Oh yes, However, the one
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: thing she did want was commitment. Yeah, technically, no one's
• 30:25
  Speaker 4: cheated because it's a situationship. So I for relationships starts
• 30:29
  Speaker 4: non monogamous, and that's the way that the commitment is presented.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: What do you think about it in that way?
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: Because some relationships go from cheating to hey, let's just
• 30:39
  Speaker 4: be open now, whereas this one is like, okay, it
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: hasn't been working out, let me give you the title.
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: And let's be open, right, I mean to me though,
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: that's what most mentioned, like he knows he's no monogamous.
• 30:50
  Speaker 5: But to be fair, we can't say the start button
• 30:53
  Speaker 5: is that when we sat down and say, okay, now
• 30:55
  Speaker 5: we're official together. She's already made it known that she's
• 30:58
  Speaker 5: having a difficult time and she wanted come comitment. She's
• 31:01
  Speaker 5: not going to be able to get that commitment. It
• 31:02
  Speaker 5: doesn't matter if it's like now we're official together, but
• 31:05
  Speaker 5: we're open.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: The commitment in title, let's say yeah.
• 31:07
  Speaker 5: So yeah, the feelings and everything that's been involved for
• 31:10
  Speaker 5: the past year. Lets her know like she wants a monogamous,
• 31:14
  Speaker 5: committed relationship.
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: Also does she because if you if you mean right,
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: commitment is not monogamy though, Like, yeah, if you have
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: been in a situationship for a year with a man
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: and you want this title, but you've also continued to
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: stay around knowing he's out slinging his dick with other women,
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: that makes it that that's not a deal breaker for
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: you then because you didn't see here and say, hey,
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: it's either monogamous or we can't do this.
• 31:37
  Speaker 5: But do you even say this commitment? She wants a
• 31:42
  Speaker 5: label that means look, look.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: At the air.
• 31:46
  Speaker 6: She's I want to be your girlfriend, I want to
• 31:47
  Speaker 6: be your partner.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: She wants a lady.
• 31:49
  Speaker 5: So how is she My question is how is she
• 31:50
  Speaker 5: defining that? What does that look like for her? Because
• 31:52
  Speaker 5: if it looks like I wanted just to be me
• 31:54
  Speaker 5: and you, then they're not aligned with what they want.
• 31:57
  Speaker 5: But if it looks like I just want a space
• 31:59
  Speaker 5: in your life, I don't care what else you do.
• 32:01
  Speaker 5: I just want a space or I want to be
• 32:02
  Speaker 5: number one.
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: I want to be I want to be your girlfriend,
• 32:06
  Speaker 4: et cetera. So that's where I'm like, this is usually interesting,
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: right because I would normally say and do normally say
• 32:12
  Speaker 4: the same as you if someone's cheating and you turn
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: out like, let's just be open.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: But literally, I actually believe.
• 32:18
  Speaker 4: And the words aren't coming out explicitly, but I believe
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: the insecurities and the feeling is because you're not the girlfriend.
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: So now you feel like the other women could take
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: your place, But then what is a girlfriend? Be fair?
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: So to be fair, I just kind of got checked
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: on this with my boyfriend okay, and he was like
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: what literally like okay, he was like, like this title
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: of boyfriend?
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: Like what he literally was like, what does it mean
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: to you?
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: Because of course when we met, I to this is
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: number one now, But when when we met, I had
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: another boyfriend and boyfriend number two, like, and I called
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: them boyfriends.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: So he was like, what is this boyfriend title? Like?
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: What does it mean someonech to you?
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: And for me, I literally expressed I was like, okay,
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: well when I expressed it, uh, or when I say
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: that we have this title together, what I'm expecting is
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: what I give, and so as my boyfriend, and with
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: this title, I expect not only respect, but you what's
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: the word?
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: It just left my consideration.
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: So if you're out in your meeting with other women
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: or dating or whatever, they are aware.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: Of my place in your life. There is a primary,
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: there's a higher.
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: I am down for the high, occubabe, And so for me,
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: I like the consideration. I think it lets you know
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: that you can be honest with me now, like the
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: lies and stuff like that. If we're in this open
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: dynamic of a relationship, the consideration all of that has
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: to be put forward because now you have a responsibility
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: to actually care about me.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: And I think that's what lacks in situationships.
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: There's no accountability to really either partner because well we're
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: not committed.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: We haven't you know what I mean. That's shade of gray,
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: is confusing, is farable.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: So for me, the label puts in that, Okay, when
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: you do something, it's not because you single and you
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: out here all willy nilly. Whatever you do, I'm considered
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: and I have a reason why to feel her or
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: respond if you go again to what you set forth
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: in our relationship.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: A lot of people aren't doing that.
• 34:14
  Speaker 5: So the thing is, as far as her situation, you
• 34:17
  Speaker 5: have to communicate exactly what this means, because boyfriend to
• 34:20
  Speaker 5: me might be different for her, So she might be
• 34:22
  Speaker 5: okay with a little space or big space, or a
• 34:25
  Speaker 5: hierarchy or whatever. But as long as you set the
• 34:28
  Speaker 5: boundaries or set the expectations and he's like okay and
• 34:31
  Speaker 5: you're like okay, then fine. Now you have a right
• 34:34
  Speaker 5: to say if you step outside these boundaries and considerations
• 34:36
  Speaker 5: and all the things that you talked about of what
• 34:38
  Speaker 5: the expectations are, then you have a right to say,
• 34:40
  Speaker 5: there's some accountability that needs to happen here. But if
• 34:43
  Speaker 5: you're literally just going with the flow, like I don't
• 34:45
  Speaker 5: really know what this looks like, and we're just I'm
• 34:47
  Speaker 5: just trying to.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: Be here and you already spent time, I'm like, that's
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: the way that he slept with other people, right, didn't she?
• 34:53
  Speaker 4: I don't know if she knows for sure, but the
• 34:56
  Speaker 4: thought of it upsets her, right correct. But however, I
• 34:59
  Speaker 4: don't know if it's a real I'm angry you fucked
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: someone else, or if it's like, hey, you won't give
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: me this thing. I can understand being a woman that's
• 35:10
  Speaker 4: dated a man for a year, You kind of feel like,
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: what is it about me that won't make you lock
• 35:14
  Speaker 4: this down?
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: Why haven't you given me this title? Why are you
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: dragging a validation she's seeking, like just the.
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: Somebody that I like, because I was like that, hold on,
• 35:27
  Speaker 5: hold on, wait, I agree with you.
• 35:29
  Speaker 4: But if someone wants children, family, marriage, girlfriend does come first.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: And I can understand. I know a lot of bitches
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: that became me at this point just gonna go from single.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: I mean literally, that's how dating normally treated. We did.
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: And we had a girl singer and say she got
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: married to her friend in six days, Like to me, like,
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: I think, what what's up, Sarah? But to me, like
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: even even those anyways, to me, monogamy is one conversation.
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: Does she want those to be his girlfriend? Because she
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: wants all of that? That's a complete life friend conversation.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: I think that the.
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: Title of girlfriend will offer a sense of security. I
• 36:08
  Speaker 4: did not hear those words come out of her mouth.
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: I'm not saying that any of them say that to me.
• 36:14
  Speaker 4: I'm just saying that to me, the complaining, the bringing
• 36:17
  Speaker 4: up other women, it must have to do with the
• 36:19
  Speaker 4: fact that you don't feel valuable, because.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: I will tell you the truth.
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: Does your partner having sex with other women make you
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: feel less valuable? Is that like a thing that we experience.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: I've been for some people. He doesn't for me, okay,
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: and it doesn't for him either. Okay.
• 36:41
  Speaker 4: However, I will say there was a level of importance
• 36:45
  Speaker 4: I felt. I can't speak for this relationship because everything
• 36:47
  Speaker 4: just was like easy. But in my last relationship, when
• 36:50
  Speaker 4: I became his girlfriend, that made me feel a bit
• 36:53
  Speaker 4: and it was a false sense of safety because he
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: was awful.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: That did make me feel like, Okay, cool, Now.
• 36:58
  Speaker 4: We're boyfriend and girlfriend. Maybe we're moving in a certain
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: direction now, be that as it may. Where actually we
• 37:04
  Speaker 4: were he was still I'm pointed at the book. He
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: was still a fucking liar. But it did mean something
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: to him, That's the truth. I never before had been
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: involved in family things. We started to talk about where
• 37:15
  Speaker 4: we would live together. We moved to Mexico together during
• 37:18
  Speaker 4: the pandemic. So being his girlfriend did mean something, right,
• 37:21
  Speaker 4: He treated me different, and I got to see the
• 37:24
  Speaker 4: level of important or prioritization in his life as his girlfriend.
• 37:28
  Speaker 4: I did, however, didn't mean anything in the grand scheme
• 37:31
  Speaker 4: of him being loyal or whatever how he treated me. No,
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: but it did what I wanted at first.
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: It did something for you personally, and I think that
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: that's what she has to like, Like, she has to
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: like I got questioned what a label entitle means to me,
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: and I was able to communicate that she has to
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: be able to communicate why she wants this title.
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: So now with your title, when when that came up,
• 37:51
  Speaker 4: is it? Did he question it because it was something
• 37:55
  Speaker 4: that you started calling him?
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: Well, I think me like the way I used boyf
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: for now like yeah, like uh, and and again when
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: we met, like I was dating the other boyfriend and
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: he saw me break up with that boyfriend because he
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: was moving around with his dick call everywhere.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: So he like a part of him was like, what
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: does this word mean to you?
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: Because you you've used it, you have boyfriend number two.
• 38:15
  Speaker 6: You have not like being the only one, not being
• 38:18
  Speaker 6: the only one.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: Sorry.
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: I think he's working through it, like this is something
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: I mean new, But I.
• 38:24
  Speaker 6: Mean boy number two, does he call you his girlfriend?
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: That's what That's what we talked about and what labels
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: are because he doesn't really like labels. But I was like, well,
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: even if it's whatever, I just need to be acknowledged
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: when you're outdating and I know, like when he's with
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: his friends.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: His friend by hid like, so yeah, I.
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: Don't know that I'm To me, it's like, if you're
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: going to be entertaining other women, if this woman asks
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: you or wants something or sees something more with you,
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: are you acknowledging that you currently have someone as well
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: and that you're.
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: And that you're not.
• 38:53
  Speaker 5: I don't believe this label shit. I think it's yeah.
• 38:55
  Speaker 5: I don't think it's so. I think labels are pointless
• 38:58
  Speaker 5: if it's not with actions. That's I need the action.
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: That felt like to me, okay, if you don't like
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: the label whatever, but when you sit with another woman,
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: whatever word you use, your acknowledging a responsibility.
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: I always say something about it. Interesting.
• 39:11
  Speaker 4: I would love to have on y'all know I talk
• 39:14
  Speaker 4: about him all the time, my friend Andre. This is
• 39:17
  Speaker 4: a public person that posted an engagement and it went
• 39:20
  Speaker 4: away right, Oh, like this is old Yeah, so we
• 39:24
  Speaker 4: all know about it.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: This is public knowledge.
• 39:27
  Speaker 4: I remember a conversation I had with him years ago
• 39:31
  Speaker 4: where I was dating someone and the guy wasn't calling
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: me his girlfriend, and something that he said to me
• 39:36
  Speaker 4: was interesting because it wasn't about that I don't like labels.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: He literally was like, Yo.
• 39:41
  Speaker 4: I'm not having a girlfriend in my life again unless
• 39:44
  Speaker 4: I think I'm about.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: To be married.
• 39:46
  Speaker 4: Labels really did mean something to him because he expected
• 39:50
  Speaker 4: to be married. And I was like, hmmm, because the
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: thing that I normally hear from mint is what is label?
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: I mean, what does it mean anyway?
• 39:57
  Speaker 4: Like it's just very like whatever, excuse whereas one person
• 40:01
  Speaker 4: has an actual experience tied to that title, feeling like
• 40:06
  Speaker 4: maybe wife or fiance didn't mean anything because it evaporated,
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: it didn't exist anymore. So girlfriend really is a pipeline
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: for this man who's now in his forties, right, Whereas
• 40:18
  Speaker 4: I have experienced men telling me they don't like labels
• 40:21
  Speaker 4: when I ask for that title every single time and
• 40:23
  Speaker 4: equivocally meaning I'm not important enough.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: That is exactly how I feel.
• 40:27
  Speaker 6: How why the fuck else am I not your girlfriend?
• 40:30
  Speaker 5: I feel like labels It helps in a sense to
• 40:34
  Speaker 5: if it comes with an action in boundaries and you
• 40:38
  Speaker 5: know all the things that it's not just a word
• 40:41
  Speaker 5: worth going out there, which people are starting to separate
• 40:43
  Speaker 5: a word from like the actions and the meaning in
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: the symbolism of it. Because my thing is what does
• 40:48
  Speaker 5: this mean for us? Like, do we have the same
• 40:50
  Speaker 5: definition of the word. So I think labels are good
• 40:53
  Speaker 5: as long as it comes with all the things that
• 40:56
  Speaker 5: we're expecting.
• 40:57
  Speaker 4: But when a man says that we all have heard this,
• 40:59
  Speaker 4: women have heard I want to be your girlfriend, I
• 41:01
  Speaker 4: don't really like.
• 41:02
  Speaker 5: Labels when that answered. Oh when I hear that, Oh
• 41:05
  Speaker 5: that's so, what do you what does that mean? You
• 41:07
  Speaker 5: want again? I'm tying you with actions? Actually, you want
• 41:10
  Speaker 5: us to have sex, you want us to date. I
• 41:12
  Speaker 5: met your family. I knew all the codes, but you
• 41:14
  Speaker 5: don't something about a label? What is separating that? So
• 41:17
  Speaker 5: you're separating the word from the actions. We're acting like
• 41:19
  Speaker 5: we're in a relationship, so what does that It's still
• 41:22
  Speaker 5: for me that makes me feel like you want that,
• 41:25
  Speaker 5: but technically we ain't together, so I could That's what
• 41:28
  Speaker 5: that sounds like to me.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: And it's always been like that.
• 41:30
  Speaker 4: I feel like people don't want to sacrifice for me, like, y,
• 41:35
  Speaker 4: you're not a relationship person as much as I am, right,
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: I am?
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: Oh no, no, I got as much as I am.
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: You know that I've been in.
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: The last five years, five six years out of the
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: ten years I wasn't I was into casual things. Right
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: now I am one hundred percent and I said it,
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: I'm most.
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: So it's not just five years for me. It's been
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: twenty years. As long as I've been doing right, I
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: am now. I can say for the last twenty years
• 41:56
  Speaker 4: of my life, every single dating experience, if it wasn't
• 41:59
  Speaker 4: just sex, which for the most part, if I went
• 42:01
  Speaker 4: on a date I plan, I'm like, oh, I want
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: to be with him for me. If it's just sex,
• 42:05
  Speaker 4: it looks differently. But the last twenty years of my life,
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: I every single time I've had a man tell me
• 42:12
  Speaker 4: they don't like labels, I am faced with the feeling
• 42:15
  Speaker 4: of being insecure and feeling like they don't want me.
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: And the only time I got into a relationship with
• 42:21
  Speaker 4: someone that said that to me was when I gave
• 42:22
  Speaker 4: them an ultimatum. I really do think there's something tied
• 42:27
  Speaker 4: to how you feel about me and how much I'm
• 42:31
  Speaker 4: telling or how I'm showing up as a woman. For example,
• 42:33
  Speaker 4: you know how certain women will say they require certain
• 42:35
  Speaker 4: things and they don't take no shit and blah, blah blah,
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: blah blah. There's something that I fucked up on and
• 42:40
  Speaker 4: then they take shit. They do every time there's something
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: I fucked up in the dating phase for you to
• 42:45
  Speaker 4: be able to say that to me, because I never
• 42:47
  Speaker 4: brought up in this relationship.
• 42:48
  Speaker 6: I want to be your girlfriend. You asked, right, like
• 42:52
  Speaker 6: that happened.
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: So whatever I presented differently, and granted I met my
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: man at thirty two or thirty three, so it's a
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: little bit different from my previous day experiences, there was
• 43:01
  Speaker 4: something I must have done differently, and that's shown him
• 43:03
  Speaker 4: I have to have this within a certain amount of
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: time or you're gone. I wonder do you think that
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: the reason many even get to the point where they
• 43:12
  Speaker 4: can say I don't like labels is because we stay, Like.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: Should we be leaving?
• 43:19
  Speaker 4: If a man says I don't like labels, or if
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: we're experiencing what we want from the relationship, do we stay?
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: You shall be giving them the milk will photo cow's.
• 43:28
  Speaker 5: I think you should leave if you're not aligned, period.
• 43:30
  Speaker 5: That's that's what it boils down to. So if you
• 43:33
  Speaker 5: are a person that needs to define something with a
• 43:37
  Speaker 5: label and what that means for you, and he is not.
• 43:40
  Speaker 5: Simply from that, It's like we are not aligned, and
• 43:42
  Speaker 5: I'm not going to cause myself confusion and stress and
• 43:45
  Speaker 5: have a dysregulated nervous system because I'm trying to make
• 43:48
  Speaker 5: this work.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: Sometimes the key doesn't fit into the hole.
• 43:51
  Speaker 5: And I think the problem is is when we try
• 43:52
  Speaker 5: to force those keys into those those locks, it doesn't work.
• 43:56
  Speaker 5: And then now we're wondering why we're so stressed, and oh,
• 43:59
  Speaker 5: this is not working and you're not giving me what
• 44:00
  Speaker 5: I want.
• 44:01
  Speaker 4: He told you such an important conversation, because as redundant
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: as it is, I think it's the conversation I've had
• 44:07
  Speaker 4: the most throughout my dating experience. The thing is, I
• 44:10
  Speaker 4: know how if he wants it, I don't know if
• 44:11
  Speaker 4: he's doing it. It's just like I was so fucking confused.
• 44:14
  Speaker 4: Whereas you say you become a relationship person in the
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: last five years, I think I woke up in the
• 44:17
  Speaker 4: last five years like I always knew how to fucking
• 44:20
  Speaker 4: have fun, But at the end of the day, I'd
• 44:22
  Speaker 4: always be like, oh, I'm still looking for a boyfriend,
• 44:23
  Speaker 4: but I can get some big but I want a boyfriend,
• 44:25
  Speaker 4: want a boyfriend.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: I want a boyfriend.
• 44:26
  Speaker 6: For me in the last five years, I learned it
• 44:28
  Speaker 6: for me.
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: Even in terms of relationships, I would just say, whatever
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: the relationship dynamic is, whatever the label is, whoever currently
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: is in my life treats me exactly how I want
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: to be treated period, Like they show up for me,
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: they support me, they care about my business, We have
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: fun together, we talk all day long, we fuck great.
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: Like I can't say I feel like I'm missing anything
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: that's that's important to me. That's the importance. Like I
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: don't feel like, oh, I wonder what he thinks. I
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: feel the actions from from both for exactly what I want.
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: So like we're normally I would feel like, oh I
• 45:03
  Speaker 3: need I'm just not kidding. I feel like worthless, I
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: feel insecure, Like yeah, I just don't have those feelings
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: with the men of my life. So it's really like
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: what you said, if the person is not giving what
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: you want, period, you gotta go. And as women, we
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: gotta take accountability because a lot of times we try
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: to make things work when.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: We know it's not gonna work.
• 45:19
  Speaker 5: We always look, I had my I'll tell you a story,
• 45:21
  Speaker 5: my last talk about your friend, my last no, it
• 45:25
  Speaker 5: was my last relationship. It was the first relationship in
• 45:28
  Speaker 5: my life where I had to give like a what
• 45:30
  Speaker 5: are we.
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: Type of speech? Whoa.
• 45:32
  Speaker 5: And when I say it was the most it tasted bad,
• 45:36
  Speaker 5: like I when it came out.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing we had met.
• 45:40
  Speaker 5: It was like maybe I think March or April, no,
• 45:43
  Speaker 5: April April of one year, and we started dating, and
• 45:46
  Speaker 5: we are like locked in. Okay, in my mind, we're together,
• 45:51
  Speaker 5: we are doing all the things. This is this is
• 45:53
  Speaker 5: your many many years ago. We're doing all the things.
• 45:55
  Speaker 5: We're dating, we're going out, we're sleeping together.
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: Dah da da dah. Right.
• 45:59
  Speaker 5: And so what made it a humbling experience for me
• 46:02
  Speaker 5: is that he had went out with some friends right
• 46:05
  Speaker 5: to some place and he you know, when he drinks,
• 46:08
  Speaker 5: his whole accent change.
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: He goes from talking like a square to like a
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: hood nigga.
• 46:12
  Speaker 5: So I was out, He's on a jewice. So he said, yeah,
• 46:15
  Speaker 5: I went out and this woman tried to talk to me.
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: Da da da da. I was telling him, yeah, I
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: can't cause I'm working on a relationship. I was like.
• 46:22
  Speaker 6: Working on a relationship.
• 46:25
  Speaker 5: It was a light bulb moment for me. I'm like,
• 46:27
  Speaker 5: I'm acting like I'm in a relationship. I am doing
• 46:29
  Speaker 5: the relationship stuff.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: I am turning down men.
• 46:32
  Speaker 5: More importantly, I'm turning down dates with Africa and all
• 46:36
  Speaker 5: that stuff. Some fun times where I'm thinking I'm committed
• 46:39
  Speaker 5: to this person. I was like, okay, you know what,
• 46:41
  Speaker 5: absolutely you're right. So now I'm back outside dating right,
• 46:45
  Speaker 5: and now I'm still secretly wanting that validation of like
• 46:49
  Speaker 5: what are we? Like We've been doing all the things
• 46:51
  Speaker 5: and like so now Holliday's come around and he meets
• 46:55
  Speaker 5: my family and all the things, and.
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what is this?
• 46:58
  Speaker 5: Because it calls was to insecurity and me because I'm like,
• 47:01
  Speaker 5: what what am I?
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: What's not happening here?
• 47:04
  Speaker 5: To make it seem like I want to lock this
• 47:06
  Speaker 5: down And he's just like I just want to take
• 47:08
  Speaker 5: my time and or oh, well you travel.
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: It was like excuse after excuse.
• 47:11
  Speaker 5: After a certain point it was like, okay, well what
• 47:13
  Speaker 5: are we doing because I need to know what we
• 47:15
  Speaker 5: are And he's like, oh I just I was just
• 47:17
  Speaker 5: gonna wait till you get back.
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: Mind Joab was traveling for work and stuff. I was like,
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: this was like bs, so mind you.
• 47:22
  Speaker 5: We had went out of town that December because he
• 47:25
  Speaker 5: made it sound like it was going to be this
• 47:27
  Speaker 5: grand gesture like I'm gonna get into one knee and like,
• 47:30
  Speaker 5: you know, girl, we get We go out to New
• 47:33
  Speaker 5: Orleans and stuff and we having a good time. Chera,
• 47:35
  Speaker 5: we walk out of the hotel room. So I was
• 47:39
  Speaker 5: thinking that we can make it official, not.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: The romantic about it. So it was kind of like
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: a hunt. You was mad. It was like a hun
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: take it, I mean, and I was like, you make
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: it official. I made it.
• 47:49
  Speaker 5: It'ly lasted like a month after that, like I broke up,
• 47:52
  Speaker 5: literally like a month and a half.
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: You were like, he was like, you can take it.
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: You were like a cause.
• 47:56
  Speaker 5: I was just like this is I had to kind
• 47:58
  Speaker 5: of almost beg for this, not in a way of
• 48:00
  Speaker 5: like really begging, but I had to like put you
• 48:02
  Speaker 5: to the fire and I never had to do that
• 48:05
  Speaker 5: in my life. And so, mind you, some other stuff
• 48:08
  Speaker 5: came up, finances, blah blah blah blah, and I was like, God,
• 48:11
  Speaker 5: show me a sign because I feel like this is
• 48:13
  Speaker 5: not the person for me.
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: I kid you not. Two days later, I called him
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: in a lie.
• 48:17
  Speaker 5: And the life time, which was stupid because we go
• 48:22
  Speaker 5: out with our friends, right, so he had went, I
• 48:25
  Speaker 5: can I learned my man's behaviors and his patterns, y'all
• 48:28
  Speaker 5: be predictable. Yes, And so if I know, we don't FaceTime,
• 48:31
  Speaker 5: really we'll text a little bit, but we don't face
• 48:33
  Speaker 5: time till later on. And he like face timed at
• 48:35
  Speaker 5: like three pm. I'm like, that's weird, but whatever. Hey, yeah,
• 48:39
  Speaker 5: you know I'm gonna go to bed early tonight because
• 48:41
  Speaker 5: you know, I'm gonna watch the game.
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: And I'm gonna go to jail.
• 48:44
  Speaker 5: So he's already letting me know not to expect to
• 48:46
  Speaker 5: hear from him in a way.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: And I'll say, huh, so now I'm taking notes, like okay.
• 48:50
  Speaker 5: So like eight o'clock, I think I face timed him
• 48:52
  Speaker 5: and he didn't answer.
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: He's like, hey, Ben, I'm on the phone with my
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: best friend. We ain't talking so long. Da da da dah.
• 48:56
  Speaker 5: I said, okay, cool, I'm thinking normally he would just
• 48:59
  Speaker 5: call me back. So o'clock I'm going out on my homegirls.
• 49:02
  Speaker 5: So I text him like, hey, I'm stepping out with
• 49:03
  Speaker 5: my homegirls, just letting you know cool. No response, girl,
• 49:08
  Speaker 5: I'm in the car at Pasha waiting for my homegirl
• 49:11
  Speaker 5: pull up.
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: On Instagram just.
• 49:12
  Speaker 5: Scrolling, minding my business, says she tells me to click
• 49:16
  Speaker 5: a particular story for a club.
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know what told me, but I did it.
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: His big ass.
• 49:22
  Speaker 5: Head right there and in person. Tom stamped the video chat.
• 49:25
  Speaker 5: It was literally like three minutes after I had called him, so,
• 49:30
  Speaker 5: mind you, I see him in a club and I'm like,
• 49:32
  Speaker 5: what's the point.
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: It was like multiple videos. Now you didn't know that
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: he was recorded. He didn't know. He wasn't even with
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: those people. It's not gonna look good.
• 49:39
  Speaker 5: So then he caused me ten minutes later in bed,
• 49:43
  Speaker 5: hey bit, oh, I was sleeping.
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: I was like, wat you been on too? Oh? I
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: felt he watching the gale was like fold and closed.
• 49:50
  Speaker 5: Now I'm trying to see how detailed you're getting to
• 49:52
  Speaker 5: see how good of a liar you are, because now
• 49:54
  Speaker 5: I'm looking back like, oh, you've probably lied about some stuff.
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: So now he's like, yeah, I just woke up. I
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: was really tired. I said you, like, yeah, you know,
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: just going milking it now? Mind you.
• 50:04
  Speaker 5: I hear a little bit of the drunk accent because
• 50:06
  Speaker 5: I'm like, he's not a little hood right now, Like
• 50:08
  Speaker 5: he don't sound like the square.
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: So then I took a screenshot. I said it to him.
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: I was like, this is you right? Yeah? Yeah, I
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: mean yeah, that's me. That's me.
• 50:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah, well, I mean so I went, I mean yeah,
• 50:19
  Speaker 5: I stepped off for a minute.
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, because you know what, But
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: the lie that he tried, when I tell you, I
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: was like, do I look like booboo fools? How could
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: you believe anything else? He said?
• 50:28
  Speaker 5: He went to go girl. I don't even know if
• 50:30
  Speaker 5: he knew the bartender or not. I think he said
• 50:32
  Speaker 5: maybe the bartender had text him that she was going
• 50:34
  Speaker 5: to Colombia, and he when I tell you, it was
• 50:37
  Speaker 5: a drunk talk.
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: You know what, he went to that episode. Yes, that
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: shit made me.
• 50:41
  Speaker 5: I'm tired big the glossary short. Don't force it, ladies.
• 50:47
  Speaker 5: We got to bring you back.
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: Your book.
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: Four Place starts at breakfast. What can they expect.
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: You like it? The book is dedicated.
• 50:57
  Speaker 5: It's written for men because I feel like a especially
• 51:00
  Speaker 5: in society today, we criticizemn a lot, at least online
• 51:04
  Speaker 5: we do, yes, and so instead of criticizing them about
• 51:06
  Speaker 5: what they don't know, I'm like, I'd rather just teach
• 51:08
  Speaker 5: you what you should know.
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: What we want you to know.
• 51:10
  Speaker 5: So the book is dedicated to teaching them about how
• 51:12
  Speaker 5: do you know? It's more so the relational emotional influences
• 51:18
  Speaker 5: on sexual desire, especially in like long term relationships. Like
• 51:21
  Speaker 5: you know, a lot of people say, well, in the beginning,
• 51:23
  Speaker 5: west to have sex all the time, and now that
• 51:25
  Speaker 5: we're married or we're in a relationship for ten years,
• 51:27
  Speaker 5: the sex is gone and they can't figure.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: Out why and blah blah blah.
• 51:30
  Speaker 5: So I give them a few reasons of what that
• 51:32
  Speaker 5: looks like, like why did it change? Because people think
• 51:35
  Speaker 5: you just got to look good and got to have
• 51:36
  Speaker 5: some money and pay some bills. The thing is, it's
• 51:38
  Speaker 5: so much deeper for women. It's more relational, it's more contextual,
• 51:42
  Speaker 5: and so I help them to understand that influence. So
• 51:45
  Speaker 5: it's about sexual desire in women, and I think it's
• 51:47
  Speaker 5: going to help men. It's not about telling you like,
• 51:50
  Speaker 5: oh my god, y'all should know this and da da da.
• 51:52
  Speaker 5: It's not criticism. It's literally like you know this, but
• 51:54
  Speaker 5: have you thought about this.
• 51:55
  Speaker 4: I've never heard a woman talking about how she'supposed to
• 52:00
  Speaker 4: wrote something for men to help women, So I appreciate
• 52:02
  Speaker 4: hearing that.
• 52:03
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I didn't see anything else like that either. But
• 52:05
  Speaker 5: I'm like, it's coming from the horse's mouth, right, I'm
• 52:07
  Speaker 5: telling you how we operate, And of course it's going
• 52:10
  Speaker 5: to it's gonna get some pushback because.
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: Man, ah na, she's just not attracted to him.
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: Is that?
• 52:14
  Speaker 5: No, it's not a body attraction because physical attraction doesn't
• 52:17
  Speaker 5: always translate into sexual intimacy and long term relationships.
• 52:21
  Speaker 3: It's just looks crazy, fellas, look up the It's something
• 52:25
  Speaker 3: that we get and it's very hard to come back from.
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: And it sometimes has nothing to do with the bedroom
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: or sexual attraction.
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: It's something like I.
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: Could do it, but it is hard. What's your it's
• 52:37
  Speaker 3: not mine. I read it online last week by the time.
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we got time for it. Okay, I'll throw it
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: out this it was. It was online. This lady was
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: saying intimacy died.
• 52:46
  Speaker 5: One of the reasons that her man's draws they didn't
• 52:49
  Speaker 5: have skid marks, they had.
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: Literally doodo in them. Oh god.
• 52:54
  Speaker 5: And she said they were be in bed and he'll
• 52:56
  Speaker 5: get out and there'll be doodoo literally Oh no.
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: But then he wants sex and it's like, bro, you
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: didn't even wipe your ass. That's more than an that's
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: more than a yes. So her getting with a nigga
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: that don't know how to wipe his ass. I think
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: they've been married for a long time. I judging her.
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: He been putting wipe his ass, but he is unless
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: he just got in a car accident and lost an arm.
• 53:15
  Speaker 4: No, if they's bitched that boy loofs you think the
• 53:18
  Speaker 4: Buota loooths you think he.
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: I don't think he wipes good enough.
• 53:21
  Speaker 3: If you leave on the on the bed and in
• 53:24
  Speaker 3: your draw the deeps get marked.
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: No, I can taste it, don't know.
• 53:30
  Speaker 5: My point is things like that where it's like, now
• 53:32
  Speaker 5: that's a that's that's crazy.
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: But it's like things like like why are you expecting
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: sex and.
• 53:36
  Speaker 5: You don't even wipe your ass? Like why would I
• 53:38
  Speaker 5: get down here?
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: If she married them.
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: She knew that nigga and wipe his ass a long
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: time ago. Well, Brianna, let everyone.
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: Know what they can follow you. Oh my god, that book?
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: Which camera shall look at? That one? This one is lesson.
• 53:49
  Speaker 5: You can find me at Brianna Janney dot com, b
• 53:52
  Speaker 5: r y A n n A g E n A
• 53:54
  Speaker 5: or my Instagram is the same thing. Brianna Janney it's
• 53:57
  Speaker 5: a lot of stuff on the website. I have assessments
• 53:59
  Speaker 5: like couples quizzes and like a lot you know for
• 54:02
  Speaker 5: the singles, like is this sexual experience? And a good idea?
• 54:05
  Speaker 5: Should I have sex with this person? I have a
• 54:07
  Speaker 5: quiz for that, like are we aligned? So yeah, I
• 54:10
  Speaker 5: think it's fun. It's gonna be a lot of interesting stuff.
• 54:12
  Speaker 5: I have an endometriosis guide for intimacy because a lot
• 54:16
  Speaker 5: of women suffer from indiemutris. I think it's like one
• 54:17
  Speaker 5: in ten women and they stop having sex. So I
• 54:21
  Speaker 5: focus on combining my medical background with helping people to
• 54:24
  Speaker 5: enhance their sex life indietrous. I wrote a menopause guide
• 54:27
  Speaker 5: for men. I love to help them understand women. So yeah,
• 54:30
  Speaker 5: it's a lot of fun things.
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of stuff on your life. Well she busy, busy.
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: Well, thank you guys so much for tuning in to
• 54:38
  Speaker 3: another episode of Decisions, Decisions.
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: Heye.