Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Give Constructive Feedback to Senior Stakeholders
Transcript
- Lucas: So here's the scenario that comes up more than any other in my DMs from new managers. You've been in the role maybe sixty days. You're finally getting a handle on your team's capacity. And then your VP — or your chief revenue officer, or some senior stakeholder who doesn't report to you — drops a new priority on your team that you know is going to blow up your delivery timeline. Luna: And you're supposed to just say yes, because they're senior. But saying yes means your team burns out or misses the original commitment. Lucas: Exactly. And the hardest part is that this isn't about being insubordinate. It's about giving constructive feedback upward — which most new managers have never done. They've only ever received it. So today I want to walk through a specific case and a framework that actually works. Luna: I have a feeling I know the case you're going to use. The engineering manager and the VP of Product? Lucas: You read my mind. So the engineer manager we'll call Priya. She's been managing a team of five engineers for about eight weeks. Her VP of Product, let's call him Marcus, has a reputation for being aggressive with roadmaps. He's also a really good product thinker — he just doesn't have a great handle on engineering velocity. And he recently asked Priya's team to take on a feature that would add about three weeks of work to an already tight quarter. Luna: And Priya knows if she just accepts it, her team will either have to crunch or they'll miss the original delivery date for the core product. But Marcus is two levels above her. Lucas: Right. And the instinct for a lot of new managers is one of two things: either say yes and then silently resent it, or say no in a way that feels like a challenge to Marcus's authority. Neither works. What Priya needs is a way to give Marcus feedback about the impact of his request, without making it personal and without undermining his strategic vision. Luna: So how does she prepare? I imagine the first step is getting the data straight. Lucas: Absolutely. Before she even schedules the conversation, she needs to quantify. She should look at her team's current velocity — maybe they're averaging 30 story points a sprint. She needs to know exactly how much work is already committed for the quarter. And she needs to be able to say, 'If we add this feature, here's what we have to deprioritize.' Not in a hand-wavy way — with specific names of deliverables. Luna: And she should probably think about alternatives too. Not just 'no,' but 'yes, if we move this other thing to next quarter.' Lucas: That's the key. The best upward feedback comes packaged with a trade-off. So Priya goes into the meeting with Marcus and says something like, 'Marcus, I want to make sure we're aligned on priorities. I've mapped out the current roadmap and this new feature. To deliver both by the end of the quarter, we'd have to push the analytics dashboard to Q3.' Luna: That immediately gives Marcus a concrete choice. It's not Priya being difficult — it's Priya being transparent about capacity. Lucas: Exactly. And here's where the feedback part comes in. Priya can then add, 'I've noticed that when we take on last-minute additions, the team's velocity drops in the following sprint because of context switching. That's been a pattern across the last two quarters.' That's feedback upward — she's naming an observable pattern, not blaming Marcus. She's saying 'this is what happens,' not 'you're doing this wrong.' Luna: And the data makes it land. If she just said 'this is too much work,' it sounds like complaining. But saying 'our velocity drops 15 percent the sprint after a big addition' — that's a business fact. Lucas: Right. So the framework I teach for this has five steps. One: prepare the data — quantify the impact. Two: frame it as a shared problem — 'we need to decide together.' Three: state the pattern neutrally, using 'I've noticed' or 'the data shows.' Four: offer a concrete alternative. Five: ask for Marcus's perspective — 'What do you think is the right trade-off here?' Luna: That last step is huge. It keeps the conversation collaborative instead of confrontational. You're not telling Marcus he's wrong — you're asking him to help solve a puzzle. Lucas: And nine times out of ten, the senior stakeholder will appreciate it. Because you're making their job easier — you're giving them real information to make a better decision. The alternative is they say yes to the feature, the team burns out, the original deadline slips, and Marcus finds out two weeks later and is blindsided. That's way worse for everyone. Luna: There's a trust-building element here too. When you give constructive feedback upward and it's received well, you build credibility. Marcus starts to see Priya as someone who understands the business, not just someone who manages tickets. Lucas: Absolutely. And if the feedback is not received well? That's also useful information. It tells you something about the leadership culture. But most senior leaders I've worked with — they want to know. They'd rather hear 'we can't do both' from a manager than discover it through a missed deadline. Luna: And that's a skill that carries over to any management role. If you can learn to manage up with constructive feedback early, it sets you apart. Lucas: Speaking of skills that carry over — if this show has helped you think through a tough career move or a management decision, there's a simple way to keep it going. A couple of dollars a month is genuinely what keeps these episodes ad-free and focused on real advice. You can find that at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. No pressure, just if you've gotten value. Luna: Yeah, it really does make a difference. People often ask how we keep the show without sponsors — that's it. Anyway, back to Priya and Marcus. Lucas: So let's say Marcus responds well. He says, 'Okay, let's push the dashboard to Q3. And Priya, I appreciate you flagging this — next time I'll check with you before I commit to something with your team.' That's the ideal outcome. But what if Marcus pushes back? Luna: That happens. Maybe he says, 'I need both. Figure it out.' Lucas: Then Priya has to escalate her feedback. She can say, 'I understand the importance of both. To deliver both by the end of Q2, I would need to add two contractors for six weeks, which would cost about $40,000. Would you support that?' Now she's giving him a choice with a price tag. Or she can say, 'In that case, I want to flag a risk: if we do both, the team will likely need to work overtime, and I'm worried about burnout. I'll track it closely and let you know if we start to slip.' Luna: So the feedback becomes a risk register. You're not just saying no — you're saying 'here's the risk, I'm flagging it, you're making the call.' Lucas: Exactly. And that's actually a more mature form of upward feedback. Because you're not trying to control the outcome — you're giving the stakeholder full visibility so they can own the decision. That builds even more trust over time. Luna: I want to talk about the emotional side too. For a new manager, this conversation can feel terrifying. You're worried about being seen as difficult or not a team player. Lucas: Totally. And that fear is real, especially if you're managing former peers and now you have to go advocate upward. But I'd argue that avoiding the conversation is actually riskier. Because if you say yes and your team fails, your credibility takes a hit anyway. And you've also lost your team's trust, because they'll see you as someone who doesn't protect them. Luna: So the feedback conversation is really an act of leadership. It's protecting your team and the business at the same time. Lucas: Yeah. And the more you do it, the easier it gets. Priya's first time might be awkward. But the second time, Marcus already knows she's the kind of manager who brings data and trade-offs. He'll start coming to her early, saying, 'Hey, I'm thinking about adding something to your team — can you tell me what the impact would be?' That's the goal: a proactive relationship instead of reactive firefighting. Luna: Any final tips for someone who's about to have this conversation for the first time? Lucas: Two things. First, practice the opening lines out loud. Say them to yourself in the car or in the mirror. It sounds silly but it makes a huge difference. Second, remember that the stakeholder is human. They have their own pressures. If you approach it with curiosity instead of frustration — 'help me understand the priority on this' — it changes the whole dynamic. Luna: And if it goes badly? If they shut you down? Lucas: Then you've learned something important about that leader. And you have a decision to make about whether that's a culture you can thrive in. But for most listeners, I think they'll be surprised how well it goes. Senior leaders are starved for honest, data-backed feedback from people on the ground. Give it to them respectfully, and you'll stand out.