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What Does It Mean When a Narcissist Starts Being Nice Out of nowhere · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what does it mean when a narcissist starts acting nice
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  out of nowhere? Like they've been horrible to
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  you for weeks or months at a time?
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  They ain't talk to you. They haven't.
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  They yelled and screamed at you the night before.
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  They've been they haven't even talked.
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  They gave you this silent treatment, right?
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  What does it mean when they start acting nice now all of a
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  sudden they pretended like nothing happened.
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  Like hey honey, hope you're having a great day.
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  What does it mean y'all? What's going on in there in
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  their minds, what is what is to be expected, what's coming next?
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  That's what we talked about today.
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  Y'all, if you're new here, I'm Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and we're talking about that today.
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  The the mind of a narcissist when they start to act nice out
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  of nowhere, they start to be kind out of nowhere.
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  They start to treat you better out of nowhere.
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  I know, I know a lot of people like leave hold up.
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  When they start treating me better, I like it.
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  I ain't going to lie to you, Lee.
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  I love not when they start treating me better.
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  I love it. I ain't going to lie to you.
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  It works on me every time. They yell and screaming at me.
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  Then the next morning I got breakfast in bed, I got some
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  freshly clapped cheeks. I got everything I want.
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  The. I know y'all get.
• 1:14
  Yeah, that's what love bombing is, right?
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  That's why they love bombing these little love bombs after
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  they've done something bad. Like that works.
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  It does work because it it confuses your mind.
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  It just jolts your mind. It's then it traumatizes you,
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  y'all. Especially if they've done
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  something horrible the night before or you discovered
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  something terrible and then they're not talking.
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  You've discovered something that they have done horrible and now
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  they're not talking to you, which is crazy.
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  But then all of a sudden they're being nice.
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  What does it mean, y'all? So the first thing you mean is
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  that they've done something horrible.
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  It's not funny, but it could mean if they've done something
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  horrible and their guilty conscious is eating them up.
• 1:53
  Well, like narcissists have a conscience.
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  I didn't think narcissists had a conscience at all.
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  Yeah, narcissists have consciousness, but a lot of
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  times you don't listen to the conscience, right?
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  The conscience gets buried down deep, deep, deep within that
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  narcissist mind for their body, right?
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  So sometimes they'll start being nice to you out of nowhere when
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  you don't know that they've done something bad.
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  Not every narcissist is out here being horrible 24 hours a day,
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  right? You know 24724 eight, you know
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  24366. Even even under the leap year,
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  they don't take leap years off of being bad.
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  You know? None, none of them are going to
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  always be bad 100% of the time, right?
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  I mean, some of them might, right?
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  Let's be real. But sometimes you don't know
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  that they've done something bad until they start acting weird
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  and just, yeah, how does that sound right there?
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  Think about, think about how that sounds like.
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  It's them acting weird to treat you good.
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  They're they're treating you good.
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  So it's them acting weird. Ain't that crazy to say out
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  loud? It's crazy for me to say out
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  loud. So I know it would be crazy to
• 3:00
  even feel or to deal with, right?
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  Like it's insane to have to say that out loud, but like you got
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  treated like this and this is what's going on.
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  Like y'all, this is the mindset of a narcissist.
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  This is what a lot of narcissists will do.
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  They will absolutely do something horrible behind the
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  scenes that you don't know about, cheat on you, lie to you,
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  start back smoking and drinking again.
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  Just like hide money, wasted money, gambling, whatever it is.
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  They do something horrible behind your back and their
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  conscience is eating them up. So in order to validate them,
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  validate themselves or make themselves feel better, they
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  start being nice to you out of nowhere, which again, for you
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  can be a very confusing experience, right?
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  Because if you're not used to them being nice out of nowhere,
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  now they're nice. You like, what the hell?
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  Wait, why are you being so nice out of nowhere?
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  What's I didn't expect you to be this kind today.
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  What's going on? Oh, nothing.
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  I just nothing's going on at all.
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  I was just, you know, I I was just wanting to be nice to you.
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  I wanted to be we I was just just accept my niceness.
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  OK? OK, that doesn't sound stupid,
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  but I'm just telling y'all this is how that's this is how the
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  minds of narcissists work right here.
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  They want to make you feel like you like they want to treat you
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  well sometimes because they've done something bad.
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  Another reason why y'all is they start treating you badly.
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  Maybe they start treating you nicely out of nowhere is because
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  they're getting ready to do something bad like before.
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  It's because they've already done it.
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  Sometimes they start treating you good out of nowhere because
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  they're about to do it. It's like buttering you up.
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  It's like making sure that your relationship is at a high.
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  The relationship that they have with you is at a peak instead of
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  a valley. You know, so they can feel good
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  about coming back home to you after they do, after they do
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  something bad, You know, So it's just like you have to watch
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  those signs. They start being nice out of
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  nowhere. It's not.
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  Could it be from the kindness of their own little narcissistic
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  hearts? Yeah, that possibility exists.
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  But is that actually what's going on here?
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  Are they actually being kind to you or nice to you from the
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  bottom of their heart because they actually want to do it or
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  they're just doing this out of it's just general purposes,
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  right? They're not just being kind to
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  you out of just for no reason in the beginning.
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  They could have been done it, but it's always an it's almost
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  always an ulterior motive behind the kindness of a narcissist,
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  which again, I know sounds extremely weird.
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  It's an ulterior motive like you like and you're like, what the
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  hell is going on here? Like, how can I deal with this?
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  How can I what is it? How, how, what, what is going on
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  with ulterior motive? Lee?
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  Why can't they just be nice? Why can't they just be kind?
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  They they can be. It's like a lot of times they're
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  just choosing not to be right. They're just choosing not to be
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  like they have already either done something bad or they're
• 5:55
  getting ready to do something bad, you know?
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  And This is why they're treating you nice out of nowhere.
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  Now, another reason that they're treating you nice out of nowhere
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  is because they want you to forget something.
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  Like they like they literally want you to get over something.
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  Like if they've yelled or screamed at you, if they've done
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  something to you directly to you that you know about, them being
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  nice is a way to pacify the situation.
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  Them being nice to you is a way to hopefully in their minds,
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  gloss over whatever, whatever has transpired.
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  That's why a lot of them are being nice to you right now,
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  because of this reason right here.
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  Literally because of this. They are only being nice to you
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  because they want you to gloss over what they've done to you.
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  They want you to get over and forgive and forget and just move
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  on. They don't want to dabble, you
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  know, they don't want to dabble in what they have done.
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  They don't want to be held accountable for what they have
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  done. So now it's building up this
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  kind of relationship equity by doing something nice to you.
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  You can't say I didn't do anything.
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  You can't say I can't do anything nice, right?
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  You can't say I've never done anything good for you, Right,
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  right, right, right. But you can say it because they
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  haven't done anything good for you unless there is an ulterior
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  motive behind it. That's why it's so important to
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  understand that like when they're doing something nice,
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  it's very rarely for just a, a good 'cause right, There's an
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  ulterior motive behind it. They're doing it because they
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  want something from you. No, they're getting ready to
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  butter you up. They're buttering you up because
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  they're about to put you in the oven like like a croissant.
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  They, they buttered you up like a little empathetic croissant
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  and they're about to put you in the narcissistic oven and roast
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  your ass for something, right? Somehow, some way, shape or
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  form, they're about to roast your ass.
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  But that's the mindset, that's the mentality of a lot of
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  narcissistic abusive people. I guess it's very hard dealing
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  with somebody like this who is typically only out to serve
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  themselves because you as an empath, as a survivor, as a
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  thriver, you want to truly believe that they're coming to
• 8:00
  you, you know, coming to you for, you know, they're doing
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  being nice out of the kindness of their own hearts because you
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  want to believe that there's some good left in them and you
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  want to salvage the relationship with what's left of it, right.
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  So this is the the like the conundrum that so many people
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  face when you're dealing with a narcissistic person because of
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  it, you know, because of this, because you want to make it
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  work, because you think, because of how things are going, you
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  want to conceive the relationships.
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  You want to truly, truly believe that they are here in this
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  relationship because they want you know they're doing they're
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  being nice to you because they they just genuinely want to be
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  nice to you. Now, the last reason I'm going
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  to go over y'all, if they're being nice because they don't
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  want you to leave, you're fed up.
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  You've tolerated all that you can tolerate.
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  You're on the way, you're on the way out the door.
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  You're done relation for you. The relationship is over.
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  For all intents and purposes, the relationship is done.
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  They didn't lie, cheated, stole from you, beat on you, whatever
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  the case may be, right? Isolated you from your friends
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  and family, moved you across the country.
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  You know, you know, took all your money.
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  They they became an addict out of some out of nowhere.
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  You see what I'm saying? They've they've done a number on
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  the entirety of your life. So now, because the fact that
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  you are packing up, getting ready to go, now they're being
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  nice to you again, there's an ulterior motive behind this one
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  as well. Now they've been nice to you
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  because they don't want you to leave.
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  They want to show you that they can be the person that you fell
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  in love with. They want to show you that the
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  person the the person who loved bombed you in the beginning is
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  still in there. They might still look, they
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  might be they, they in there. They might be deep in the
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  crevice, you know, be deep in little narcissistic crevice, but
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  they still in there, they living, you know, they living in
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  a thriving. But that's the the situation
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  that so many people are going to face right there when you're
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  dealing with an abuser or manipulator, a horrible
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  narcissistic person. This is the conundrum that so
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  many people fall into because does it work at the end when
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  they're showing you who they are, who The Who they can be,
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  not who they really are, They're showing you who they can be.
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  Does this type of stuff work to keep you there?
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  Yeah, it works a lot of times because they're telling you
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  everything that you want to hear.
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  They're doing everything that you ask them to do without you
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  asking them to do it. And that's why you should.
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  That's why you ask to keep going out the door if you are fed up
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  and want to leave. And now out of nowhere, they're
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  doing everything that you wanted them to do before and you
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  haven't asked them to do it and they're just doing out of
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  nowhere. That shows you.
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  Yeah, that shows you. It's manipulation.
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  That shows you. They could have been nice to you
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  the whole time. They could have been doing this
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  the whole time. They were actively choosing not
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  to do it, but now the fact that you're packing up and ready to
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  go, now it's it's activated them.
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  It made them start to behave in a different way.
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  Now they want to, now they want to act the right.
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  You see, now they want to be good.
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  Now they want to do this. Now they want to do that.
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  There's so many moving pieces here in this situation and
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  that's why it's so important for you right now as a survivor to
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  understand what is what is absolutely going on.
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  Like if they're trying to be nice to you out of nowhere when
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  you were told them that the relationship is over or did you
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  want a divorce or did you want to be separated or did you want
• 11:09
  to move out or have them move out?
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  Now they're being nice. That's another form of
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  manipulation right there. Because again, they could have
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  chose not to lie to you. They could have chose not to
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  cheat on you. They could have chose to be a
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  better person to you, but they have not done it at all, you
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  know? So if they're being nice to you
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  out of nowhere, very rarely is because from the kindness of
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  their own little narcissistic hearts.
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  I know a lot of y'all like Lee, narcissists don't have hearts.
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  So why we will leave that in the 1st place?
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  We know it's not kindness from that nice little heart because
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  they don't have hearts. Lee, what the hell are you
• 11:39
  talking about? We don't do that here.
• 11:42
  Shout out to Teach Chad Bozeman anyway job maybe this far you
• 11:47
  got some from this video. Make sure you hit that subscribe
• 11:49
  button. Y'all share this video with your
• 11:50
  friends and family members that you might think you're dealing
• 11:52
  with a narcissist or toss relationship dynamic overall.
• 11:56
  Also click one of these videos on the screen to watching Click
• 11:59
  on these boxes on the screen to watch another video.
• 12:00
  If you're on YouTube and I am out, peace.