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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just -The Four Pillars of Humility in Action 3.16.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  1 and that is after a person adapts and stands, he recalls.
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  Humility of the mind, which is in our minds is the first step
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  is to realize, you know, we're very gifted, we're very blessed
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  and a lot of talent, a lot of the ability wonderful, but I'm
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  human, I'm fluid. I should relax in my mind and
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  not think I'm the be all endorsed out as the core source,
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  recognizing when I am and when I'm capable of and also
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  realizing that I can be flawed and that holds me back from
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  being arrogant. Now he goes on to talk about it
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  and this is key on Ava in where you conduct yourself in your
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  actions. So that means how you walk, how
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  you talk, how you interact, where you go, where you don't
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  go. There's actually a display of
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  arrogance and humility in all of that.
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  And you'll see in very clear in the examples he brings.
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  In fact, he brought this up early in the book as well, but
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  it's very clear examples Mahine as follows.
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  The barn ruad adhena manvata Mashiva.
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  We have spoken to this point in the idea of humility in the mind
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  when the Benata Amman Vata Massa has now talked about humility in
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  your actions. The heated chalegal al Bahakin.
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  There are 4 portions, 4 different categories within this
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  category of humble and action. You think, OK, what's the big
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  deal? I just carry myself in a humble
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  way. He says no, there are multiple
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  different ways, number one, but the heck, I'm at small Bishop
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  flutes carrying yourself in that sort of unassuming manner, being
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  unassuming despoil out of the notes.
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  So we can see that clearly. Humility applies itself.
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  The guy who wants to be just more than just humble on his
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  mind, wants to be humble in action, to be unassuming.
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  That is the actual humility, Biswala le bonnot to deal with
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  insults. That's also a great sign of
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  carrying yourself in a humble way.
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  Which means humility has a power not just to make you into a
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  person who's low key, It also molds your life and molds your
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  entire life how you respond to things.
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  It's also displacing the earth. Bisnada Bannut.
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  OK, it's not in English. What does those words mean?
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  Hate the revenue, which means to despise positions of authority
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  and despise the drive to be a power leader.
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  In the same frame of mind, that means you run away from honor.
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  OK, Run away from honor is an unbelievable thing.
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  It's a very significant thing. And it's a third display.
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  So you have over here so far three legs of how caring
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  yourself humble can display itself One overall, you're
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  unassuming. It's not a big deal.
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  You don't expect much, you don't really demand much.
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  That's unassuming. It's a beautiful thing.
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  It's immune #2 you're able to handle insults.
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  People are throwing things your way and you deflect.
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  It doesn't hate you. Why doesn't hate you?
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  Not because you someone who's overcoming insult.
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  No, it's because you, someone who doesn't really care, because
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  you don't really believe that you deserve any better than
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  that. And thirdly, someone, the most
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  important I believe of these is someone who runs away, hates the
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  ravinant. We'll explain it.
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  That means in a second. And runs away from powers.
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  And fourthly, Bechalouk Kavod Lacour, you in turn give honor
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  to everybody else. You're not consumed, you own
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  honor. You're not seeing yourself as a
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  center of the ring and therefore you have the brain space to be
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  able to see other people and their existence.
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  I've been around people even recently.
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  I was somewhere recently, I don't want to give whatever.
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  And I and I noticed a lot of people or positions of power and
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  they saw me literally and they looked right by and my friend of
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  mine was today, today see me today not see me.
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  They know me. They know me very well right by
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  me. And I thought to myself, they're
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  not really, you know, insulting me.
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  What they're doing is that is they don't even see you.
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  There's so laser focus on their own reflection and how and how
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  relevant they are and what people are saying about them or
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  thinking of them how they're doing right now.
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  They don't even see you. And I can go back to them
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  tomorrow and say, by the way, I was with you over there.
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  It's really guarantee. All right.
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  And this is a very common practice and all the time.
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  Originally it used to be like, oh, there's so many.
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  They ignore me now. It's just it's so consumed its
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  own existence. They didn't even see you.
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  So he says the 4th like of carrying yourself with a level
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  of humility is you notice other people just notice them and
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  therefore you give them the respect.
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  Am I saying right? Is this a reality?
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  Very much reality. You go to a wedding, you see,
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  does he go to an event? He says you go to show you see
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  this. There's the guy who looks right
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  by you, not because he's anything against you, for sure
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  not. He's a good guy, but he's so
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  laser focused on his own existence and he doesn't even
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  see you there. But I look Cavoid Laco.
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  All right, Hi. Let's do all my work.
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  That's a good way to go on that one.
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  You know what? My name.
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  Man, a lot of time too, somebody would be walking on the street,
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  but but you'll say, oh, hi, how are you doing?
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  Nice to see you. I'm not.
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  You're just just just to be polite for what you got to do,
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  Which is it? Which is it's a good thing, but
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  a lot of times it it'll happen. Somebody I've had it happen to
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  me where trip or guy walked by. I know they got all of a sudden,
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  like he doesn't know me. All of a sudden you're good.
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  So there's a couple of things. You're right, there is the
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  opposite mind element. People are opposite minded.
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  That's OK. There are people who are busy,
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  who are distracted. All those things, all fine and
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  all very good excuses. But there is the fact that if
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  you would see this person by a very, you know, famous wedding,
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  he'd walk right by. And if you see him in Israel on
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  vacation, he'll stop and schmooze, right.
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  What happened? Same guy, I thought we know each
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  other. We not know each other exactly
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  in Israel. He's a little bit alone, and
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  he's really a little bit alone, and he's happy to see our
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  familiar face. And there's really nobody around
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  that's, you know, judging or whatever.
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  So talk to me, but in by this wedding or by this event, he's
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  got other things on his mind, center of attention in his mind,
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  even though he's not. And therefore he's consumed and
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  it's a reality and it's a real reality.
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  It's a shame. And he's saying over here, a
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  person wants to be legitimate humble.
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  They want to not just humble on their mind beyond that humble on
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  action and the fourth layer of humble on action, they need to
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  be able to be a person who's haluk kavod laco.
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  That means evident aliyah. You shake it where you shake
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  people's hands. You make sure to notice the guy
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  who's not really a major guy on his mind and you see him and
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  shake his hand. There are 1,000,000 examples of
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  this and they come out and they play out in a million ways.
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  And it's unbelievable how these examples literally display to
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  you. You see these things every
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  single day and they literally display to you what a person is
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  and how arrogant they are. Now I had a.
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  Question. Go ahead, I'd be covered Only
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  yesterday. And my kids, you're my kids
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  family. This whole thing is a shame.
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  Yeah, somebody. Someone isn't.
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  Because this had OK. So how you rather bring to that?
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  Trash. Sky.
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  No, and me, my wife turned around to them and said you I
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  agree. I mean, I always have this thing
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  and and etcetera. You know, when the people go up
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  and donate money and, and everyone Pats them on the back,
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  you know, and it's, I, I think I understand where the intent was
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  4050 years ago and how the people were.
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  It's definitely not the same. The, the feeling, right?
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  There were other guys who who prayed in the shul that were at
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  a place that they were doing that but also felt uncomfortable
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  and, and, and and then there's people who eat it up and it's
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  like it's. Created for the peanut.
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  It's almost like it's a therapy thing.
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  It's a feel good. Thing so I had this question.
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  I have to same situation, literally same, though I think
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  to myself, is that the best approach?
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  Do you need the pomp and circumstance?
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  Do you need the noise? Do you need the overdoing?
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  Specific people who are behind the scenes, who are very much
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  other people involved who got it seemed like very little credit
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  when they were not in the front of this entire situation.
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  I don't want to hit too much. And it I was wondering like, you
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  know, first of all, I wondered how they came away from it and
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  how they felt show a little strange.
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  Probably they don't care. But also is that the best way to
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  do things? I don't know, really don't know.
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  They're getting in a certain sense, maybe millions of dollars
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  from certain people and maybe they feel like they have.
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  I happen to think that the people that they gave attention
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  to didn't need that. Those people would not really
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  coming for that attention and didn't really.
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  It was like we overdid a deal with the people, really didn't
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  expect that personally and all the people involved didn't
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  expect it. But again, it's a great
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  question. Isn't necessary.
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  Community is number one in the world in giving charity.
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  Would it not? Be given now this situation
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  David, I think would have been given regardless.
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  No, maybe that, but I'm saying general look at the flip side of
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  our community. It is the most charitable
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  community there is. No, no, guys.
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  The names in the building on 20? That's not done right.
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  He's fighting with the names on the building that.
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  Maybe it's not even done right. He's still you're in Shulia
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  watching. You're growing up like that.
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  You want to do. Right.
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  I was doing it and they do it so it's as bad as it is.
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  Like that it's. Also such a good that that these
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  people give. To the very definitely no, it's
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  unbelievably delicate point and it's really a case by case
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  ration. Are we sent in Shabbat when I
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  put my name on a building? Of course I would.
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  I would love to have my name on a building.
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  I would love to have my father's name on a building and stuff
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  like that. No question.
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  And yes, there is a degree of now my name isn't lights and now
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  they're going to call me a million times and now I'm going
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  to become famous. And now I'm going to need to
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  work a little harder on my humility.
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  That's true. I'm going to put myself to a
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  little bit more effort and more working on my character.
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  It's absolutely true. But it's going to help my
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  children. For the community.
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  All that's clear. The question is, like I said,
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  the palm and circumstances, the method sketch and they're
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  walking around and they're saying their names a million
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  times and and being loud about them and holding their hand and
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  all these different sorts of sketch, I don't think.
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  Not provide that organization with that money.
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  Yeah, I don't think those people needed it.
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  I don't think they need it. You, if you'd see it, you say to
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  yourself, this feels like you're overdoing it and you're a little
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  bit like almost too scared that you're not doing enough for
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  them. So you're laying it on thick and
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  in the process what you're doing is, and this is where my again,
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  I don't know the full background, but in the process
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  you're doing is a little bit of a shame.
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  And that is that the people, the real people who put in years and
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  we're there the whole time and we're there before this is a hot
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  item and really were, you know, they really were the the
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  groundwork and the foundation. This happens all the time.
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  They didn't get their due and they didn't get the recognition
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  and what it gives them a salad taste.
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  Now they're going to bounce back by saying, listen, we did it for
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  the right reason. We're happy to be here.
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  We're happy not to have financial burden for this
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  organization anyhow. So it's all fine.
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  We're good. But then they get the chance and
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  the community isn't going to look at that situation again
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  because it's, you know, so it's being far out and it's not
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  really a, a center of attention type organizations got.
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  It's one shot and now they lost their chance and now they have
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  to go down the humble road. And again, it's really something
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  that is, I think it's misplaced and it's misguided and it's
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  really wrong. But their overall theme is they
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  did not even realize what they were doing, no clue what they
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  were doing. So right by the people, it's all
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  right. They're just palm and
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  circumstances. Whereas where you're bringing in
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  people who are not involved, you're bringing people who
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  didn't put in the the work and the effort.
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  Any real organization, any real organization, you have two
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  parts. You have the guys who are put in
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  the work and the time and the effort who give money at times
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  when it's not really so. So, you know, guaranteed the
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  organization's going to work out guys who put in the hours and
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  the meetings and all that, then yeah, all these people will show
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  up. Maybe they show up with the
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  millions. I am understand.
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  Maybe they're just showing up for the event, whatever.
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  Maybe they just show up and it takes away and it drew a really
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  takes away the the the proper appreciation from the right
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  people. And it does, like I said just
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  now, they look right by you and they don't even really exist in
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  this. I don't know.
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  It wasn't it all the time. They might not even mention
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  those names and it would seem like a shame.
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  All right, that's my point now. Kids can't be sketched.
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  You could sketch adults, right? Stroking their egos.
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  The children who have nothing to do with anything.
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  They could smell something. That's why your kids walked away
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  and made that comment. Yeah, Yeah.
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  Good. That's what you want.
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  You want to make that comment, right?
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  And you want you want people to recognize it makes a difference
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  if you greet every person or not.
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  It makes a difference. These people, for this example,
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  right, He's blue recently. Like I say, look right by me.
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  I can't. I really don't care.
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  In fact, I was happy to go, to go and leave and all that.
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  I'm happy that way. I was happy to be able to take a
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  tour without even noticing me. I went from the different exit.
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  All good. But at the same time, it has an
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  effect. What effect does it have on me
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  personally? I know we're holding, honestly,
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  I know we're holding. And I know what's on your mind
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  and I recognize the fact. And you're clearly consumed,
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  this person, the people clearly consumed with their own title
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  and recognition. And to me, it diminishes your
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  existence. That's what it does to me.
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  So a lot of times the people made their pledges and when they
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  go through that, then they the the show makes them.
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  Now you got to put a public and now you have to put that.
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  That's a different scenario. You're right and they do, but
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  that person is a good guy will not carry himself.
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  That person is really a genuine person.
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  He won't get an ally and only know the certain people.
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  He won't. He won't walk through an event
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  and completely ignore people, will stay right there, see right
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  down them when he notices them. Other times he won't do that.
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  That guy's a regular good guy that she'll ask them a favor.
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  Sure. People have come to me and asked
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  should I do my thing I do or should I say my pledge.
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  And at times I said do my thing I do.
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  And at times I said, you know, but you're by a drive where
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  you're going to hurt the organization.
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  Say your pledge. I know it's hard for you.
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  Say your pledge anyway, you're not.
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  Don't worry about it. You're going to do more good
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  than bad. You're fine.
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  This is a fine balance, but overall that person is not
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  self-centered. The issue is we're arrogance
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  lead to self-centered and let's just play out this point for
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  today. And that is that people, good
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  people. And it's a funny thing about
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  this whole concept. Like Abby said the other day,
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  this is the end of the book. If it's at the end of the book,
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  that means we're dealing with the high level and therefore
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  we're dealing with very good people who are extremely
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  endlessly giving, caring, sensitive and time selfless.
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  The problem that they face and the people face is, is that
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  arrogance and insignificant insecurity or told Avada the
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  same thing. And these very people at times
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  are very unsure if they're even functioning in this world.
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  That's how it's scared they are. And because of that, they're so
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  consumed by whether or not they look good.
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  They're saying the right thing, they're walking the right way.
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  People are recognizing that whatever it may be, right,
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  that's just how they are because they're nervous and because that
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  their insecurity plays into this crazy degree of how they carry
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  themselves. And that's how far it goes.
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  Like he says, they were not be hello, Cobola call.
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  The best thing you want to be is a person.
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  Every person you see in the room, they say hello to them.
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  They say good morning to them. You invite them to your parties.
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  It's all the same. You don't leave people out.
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  You're not the guy who makes groups and says OK, we're only
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  having that type, only having that person.
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  They're all the same to me. I say hello and eventually plays
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  out why it was Eventually you have a way larger support group
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  and a way larger friend group and everyone gets along with
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  you. And you know what we noticed in
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  this community? There are ups and downs, like
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  like a little like a seesaw in this community.
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  People go up, people go down, people do well.
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  You are not doing well. People have times that are
• 16:41
  better for the reputation times that are good for the reputation
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  and you need everyone. You need everyone.
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  I owe some people who are hot, you know, let's go on hot shots
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  and they are very good at at literally I call I told them
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  peeling the onion that is right now so and so is not relevant
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  for my life, but my position goodbye gets me nervous.
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  I'll see you later and they continue to peel the onion and
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  I've told them I said it's going to come back to bite because
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  there will be a time where you need these people and there's
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  going to be smaller and smaller. If you have a problem with this
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  brother-in-law and you have a problem with with that person,
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  the community and your problem is slowly going to shrink and
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  shrink your world and you're not going to be happy.
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  Khalouk Kavod Lacung give every person respect and makes your
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  life harder initially because you don't get the the good, the
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  feeling of being Mr. so and so. But at the same time, every
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  extremely large group, you know what people talk about, They
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  talk about the fact that you're down to earth.
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  They love the fact that you're normal and it's the greatest
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  move for your kavod, as if you shake every person's hand.
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  You go to an event and you recognize every person.
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  If you're able to see the whole room, you're able to be aware of
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  the whole room and not just look at yourself in the mirror has
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  you there and literally only see the people that make you better
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  able to see a bigger, larger picture.
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  You give everyone honor. It's a whole different animal
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  and you become such a more popular person.
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  If you get everything else, your popularity is up all right,
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  People like you better, so you're doing something for your
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  own cavort in. Reality is the joke.
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  The more you give other people respect, the more you gain
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  respect for yourself make. Them feel good somebody comes
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  over to say hey Mike how you doing nice to see you and all
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  that this you feel good too so the.
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  Smallest things make us feel good.
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  As a rabbit, do you walk around with a Shoal shake?
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  Everyone's hand. As a rabbi went.
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  On Shabbat, everyone, you have all new.
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  Faces like. Do you go to row by row to
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  shake? Each person well, I it's not not
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  really a situation where I'm able to walk over Rd. by row,
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  but absolutely I am I baruch Hashem, raised by a father who
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  was able to notice everything in the room.
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  And just to give you a little Haber background, habers have an
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  awareness. It's a little bit to a fault
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  happens to be regardless. I don't know if it's ruin my
• 18:56
  mother or my I'm not here, but it's an awareness to a fault.
• 18:58
  So now if you wonder if any of my brothers notice some guy in
• 19:02
  the corner of the room, they always notice again, regardless
• 19:06
  of of of you know, they're not human related to that happens to
• 19:10
  be an awareness. And I know my, I always go to
• 19:12
  places and my wife just says, how did you notice that?
• 19:14
  How do you see that? Some of my kids are literally
• 19:16
  like that. They can pick up on the smallest
• 19:18
  thing and some of them don't notice anything that happens to
• 19:20
  be a every trade. So therefore, because of that, I
• 19:23
  see things in the room. It kind of makes me crazy
• 19:26
  because I'm watching everything and my, my all things always
• 19:28
  going on in my mind, that's for sure.
• 19:30
  And every one of my siblings, the same way, they're watching
• 19:32
  everything and they're picking up and everything just the way
• 19:34
  you are. And that's why people say, oh, I
• 19:36
  had the conversation over there and I quote them and this and S
• 19:40
  to M. So because of that, I feel like
• 19:42
  saying hello to people, yes, regardless of humility or not,
• 19:45
  but it's a very effective tool. If you see people and you buy an
• 19:50
  event, you buy a wedding, you shake every person's hands.
• 19:52
  You don't realize you are expanding your popularity
• 19:56
  tenfold. That's how big it is.
• 19:58
  And you see a person, you say hello to them, you stand in the
• 20:00
  corner and you talk to one guy for a minute even though he's
• 20:04
  not Mr. Relevant. And it's an unbelievably
• 20:06
  effective tool, but also a very humble tool.
• 20:10
  Now someone could say, I'm great, Dave.
• 20:12
  Someone could say, OK, it's effective.
• 20:14
  Let me do it to gain popularity. You will not be able to do this
• 20:20
  too without being a humble person.
• 20:22
  You won't be able to, you're not able to do this.
• 20:25
  You won't be able to shake people's hands by a wedding,
• 20:28
  random people unless you have humble in your mind and humble
• 20:30
  in your actions because you'll be so laser focused on myself,
• 20:35
  on my existence. They won't notice them.
• 20:38
  My point with this event recently is it's not that these
• 20:41
  people are bad people. They're great people.
• 20:43
  They do so much good. It's just that they didn't
• 20:45
  notice. They did not notice.
• 20:47
  I'm Sema. Did they really just completely
• 20:50
  walk right by? Did they really just not see?
• 20:53
  They didn't see. And that's a degree of humility.
• 20:56
  I want to get to the ability to see right.