Latest / Dadical / 7. 18 Summers: Make It Count | Burke Williamson

Transcript

7. 18 Summers: Make It Count | Burke Williamson · Dadical

• Seth Stoker: Let's picture a typical day. You got beat up at work, traffic was brutal on the way home, you still have like seven emails in your inbox that you haven't responded to, and your boss reminded you of a task last minute that must have slipped through the cracks. It's been a long day, and all you want is some peace and quiet. You pull into the garage, and as you put that car in park, you've got a decision to make. Who are you going to be when you walk through that door? Today I was inspired by Burke Williamson in talking to him about his father and the legacy he left behind. Burke's dad left such an impact on the community that they actually have a wrestling tournament named after him that still takes place to this day. Unfortunately for Burke, he actually lost his father way too soon. He was on the other side of the world at 20 years old when his father passed away from cancer. Through that experience, Burke taught me maybe one of the most important principles of fatherhood that I've heard to date. Make it count. You don't know how many days you have left with your family. As you walk through the door every day, you'll be tempted to retreat to a quiet corner of the home and relax. It might be nice to turn your brain off and shut the world out for a little bit, but there are people in your home who've needed you all day. and they need all of you. Burke taught me that it isn't fair for you to go give your best at work every day and then come home and give your family the scraps that are left behind. How backwards are our priorities? Being a dad is not easy, but we can make that decision every single day as we walk through that door. Maybe you failed yesterday. Maybe it was an especially hard day, but you can make that decision every single day of who you're going to be when you walk through that door. You can decide to show up and give your family your absolute best, even if you barely have any left in the tank. But that's what they deserve. through the story Burke shared of real tragedy, he told me how he has now chosen to live a life of hope and faith. Because making that choice creates a better life for him, his wife, and his daughter. Burke shared his incredible experiences with a dad that may not have been perfect. But he was the perfect dad for Burke, and that's who we can all be for our kids. Warts and all. I'm excited to share this conversation with you because this is some of the best instruction that I think a father can receive. We've got 18 summers to make an impact. I hope after listening to this episode, you can recommit to giving your family your best, not only because they deserve it, but because you never know how many opportunities you're gonna get. Here's Burke Williamson. Burke, welcome to the Dadical Podcast. Excited to have you on the podcast today. Burke Williamson: I'm grateful to be here, so thanks for having me on. Seth Stoker: I think this will be a really cool opportunity for us to hear a unique story that we haven't really had on the podcast yet. And so I appreciate you being willing to join and share your story. But before we dig in too deep, introduce us to you, your family and and who you are as a dad. Burke Williamson: Yeah, sure. So I am an estate planning attorney. I help families try to plan in a manner that helps keep them together, even after mom and dad pass away. So I think my profession really relates to this podcast in a way. trying to mitigate some of those fights by creating a a plan to avoid those uncertainties that often happen when mom and dad do pass away. But I I grew up in a tiny town in southern Utah called Paramount. Usually people only know about it if they've driven from Salt Lake to Las Vegas and they got pulled over by the police trying to help generate some income from our small economy there. But I love growing up in Parawan. I'm the youngest of four boys. And when you grow up in a small town, you get to play in all the sports because if you don't, you don't have a team. So I grew up on the football team. I wrestled, I I played baseball. my dad was a big athlete himself. He was a state champion wrestler. He was all state in football, all state in baseball. So in my eyes he was macho. even went on to play collegiately. And so I grew up in a really competitive household. And being the youngest, I always felt like I had to fight just for scraps of food on the table. All my brothers are a lot bigger than me. So I have a kind of a competitive mindset that sometimes I have to I don't know, temper down a little bit sometimes to be more approachable, I guess you would say. but that was me growing up. I I went and did my undergraduate degree at Southern Utah University in Cedar City, which is where I met my lovely wife Shikel. we dated for many years before we got married. And after several years of trying to become a father, we are blessed with a miracle baby. so I have a five-year-old daughter and we've tried our darndest to have more kids join our family. But after two failed IVF cycles, we're just grateful to at least have one child and and to at least be a father. So it's a little bit about me. Seth Stoker: Awesome. Well, thanks for introducing us to your family. Now, I would love to learn a little bit more about you growing up specifically. You mentioned your dad a little bit, and I'd like to get into that even more in detail because what we're eventually going to get to is that you lost your father relatively early. And so I'd love to hear some of your favorite experiences of your dad and kind of how he shaped who you are growing up. Burke Williamson: Yeah, I'd love to talk about my dad. It's one of the best ways I feel like I can memorialize him and the legacy that he's left. because I don't have him. I c I I can't just call my dad on the phone right now and try to get fatherly advice. And there's so many times where I wish I could. I think back to a time I I must have been seven or eight years old. I would I remember sitting in my bedroom just playing with toys and my dad coming into my bedroom and saying, Hey, you you need to hurry and get ready. We're gonna drive to your brother's wrestling match. Now, one thing you need to know about my dad is he worked for the Department of Transportation. His job started at 5 30 in the morning. So he was usually up at 4 30. and my brother's wrestling match was two hours away. And I remember thinking this wrestling match starts at 7 p.m probably gonna last two hours. We're not gonna get back until eleven o'clock at night for him to wind down and get the kids to bed. It's gonna be midnight and he's gonna be up at four o'clock the next morning. so one thing I do know is my dad always prior prioritized supporting his kids. And and that's one example that just really gleans in my my mind is the self sacrifice that he would set aside just to make sure we all knew that what we were participating in mattered. my dad, even so much that my dad made sure that when he could, he was always the volunteer coach in Little League or in in football wrestling. He won't always wanted to be involved in our lives and and took that that time out to sacrifice his own own passions and desires and sleep to make sure that he was there for us. Seth Stoker: So it sounds like he was very involved, very present as a father. What impact does that have on you? I I I mean, cool he's there at your events and things like that, but so what? Like what what impact does that have? Burke Williamson: Yeah, I mean there's something special when you're out on the wrestling mat and you can look up and see your dad. Now, I I should know my dad went on to be the high school wrestling coach. And one thing you should know, and and anyone whose father was ever their coach in high school knows, the coach is always hardest on their own son. And so in a way that kind of impacted us negatively because I always felt like, man, you're so much harder on me than you are anyone else. But I think that's just because He knew more about what I was capable of compared to the other kids because he had been with me my whole life and he knew that he could get more out of me because there was more in the tank. but I also know when I was in a wrestling match and things weren't perhaps going my way, it was always nice to be able to look in the corner of the mat and see my dad and know that's who I could turn to for advice. And I had always hoped that throughout life I'd always be able to look back at the corner of the mat, figuratively speaking, and get that advice from my dad. But now I'm left with putting together some of these pieces, these memories, because my dad, you know, passed away when I was 20 years old before way before I ever became a father. And so to specifically answer your question, I think knowing that you have support helps you in times of need. whether you're competing in in sport or you're giving a a talk at school or in church, when you have family that's there supporting you, it gives you a new sense of purpose and hopefully courage because you know there's people that believe in you. And that belief really ignites some fuel inside of you, or at least it did for me. So I always found that really profound. and also it reminds me that. You can do a lot more sometimes than your mind thinks you can. Sometimes you just have to have a voice in the corner telling you you gotta dig a little deeper. Even when you don't think you've got anything left in the tank, sometimes they can help you fuel that tank a little bit more. Seth Stoker: You know, as a dad, that's an interesting challenge because yeah, what you said was is they know what you're capable of. They can see what you're capable of even when you can't. And sometimes as a dad, you know, you push your kids and and you want them to to be better and things like that. But sometimes, at least in my experience, it can even become a point of friction. Like, okay, time time to relax, dad. Like I'm not a finished product yet. It's gonna take me some time. And so it is an interesting challenge, though, as a as a father to say, hey, I know who you can be. I know who you can become. And like I'm trying to get you there as quickly as possible. What other experiences can you share with your dad trying to help you maximize your potential? Burke Williamson: Yeah. You know, I had the privilege of being the youngest son and so it was easy for my dad to remind me about some of the experiences I saw with some of my brothers. And that friction that you you speak of I also saw. Excuse me. So my I I I think being the youngest forced me to be really observant of some of the mistakes my brothers made or also be aware of some of the friction that was there when my dad was coaching them. And realize that I'm just being prideful. because I saw one of my brothers, bless his heart, had such a hard time with my dad being his coach. In all reality, they had the same personality. And so it was a little bit harder for him to take some of the advice. Ultimately led him to quit the team for a short period of time. And I remember my dad having a conversation with him saying, Hey, look, you being on this team is far more important than me being the coach. So why don't I step down as a coach and allow you to finish your senior season of wrestling? Because that these life lessons that you learn through sports, it's not about just winning a state championship or winning a match. It's about the lessons you learn through sport and through pushing yourself when you're tired. Because we all know as being parents, we're operating as being tired almost the entire time. when we're at work trying to do our job, we're tired and we still have to be. emotionally and mentally available. And I think that's one of the big takeaways I learned through sports. My dad didn't want my brother to miss out on those opportunities. And so he was going to completely resign as the coach. And I think my brother realized kind of the magnitude of that decision and and realized that he was just being a little bit prideful and they were able to amend. Now when I was going through a similar challenge, seeing my dad being so hard on me, my dad was able to allow me to reflect on that experience and It was a little taste of humble pie for me to to reflect and just realize my dad's just a human. He's trying the best he can to get the most out of me that he can and and he's gonna have flaws, yeah, but I can con converse with him and and give him a a little bit of grace and forgive him and just move on. Seth Stoker: I think it's kind of a a curse of the oldest child a little bit that your your dad is experiencing all of these things for the first time. And at least for me, I think about myself as my as as a father and and man, it's like, yeah, I screwed that up. I I totally screwed that up. And I'm gonna do better on the next one. And and so I think the younger kids i i it's funny, there's kind of this stigma of the younger kid being you know, maybe a little more spoiled or whatever the case may be. But for me, it's like Well, maybe it's because I'm a little bit better at it than I was at Burke Williamson: Yeah. Seth Stoker: with my first one. And and so it's it it's always kind of funny to think about the different experiences of the oldest kid as opposed to the youngest kid and somewhere in between. But I I'm curious, watching your dad be willing to step down for your brother so that he can have the experience of being on the team, like what did that teach you? Burke Williamson: Self sacrifice. So much of what we do as parents is to try to create opportunities for our kids. We only get our kids for eighteen summers and then they're out on their own. And that is such a short time. When you're a kid it feels like a lifetime, but after you know, my daughter being five, the last five years of my life have been the fastest ever. I can cannot believe how fast time goes. And so giving your children every opportunity that they can to Sometimes fail so that they can later succeed is is really important. I just really saw my dad emulate that and realize how important it was for my brother to have these experiences. My dad already had his wrestling experiences and he was coaching because it gave him time to spend with his boys. And it it was so important for my dad to allow us to feel victorious in wrestling, but also learn from our our failures and get those life lessons. So you know that's my takeaway is we have to let our kids have these experiences and sometimes that means self-sacrifice on our own part. Seth Stoker: Yeah, I I require all of my kids to be in some sort of a competitive sport. So my oldest son played basketball, my daughter is in drill team at the high school, and then my youngest son plays basketball and football. And I think he's gonna try lacrosse this year, but I Burke Williamson: All right. Seth Stoker: I feel like sports or or competition in general is such an incredible teacher for kids to be able to go to experience success, loss, failure, mistakes, and learn from them and get better and and hard work and and and recognizing, you know, any sport you start at, you're gonna suck at the beginning. And then slowly but surely you work at it, you get more experience, you get better and better and better. that that translates to so many different areas of our lives. And so it it it's cool to hear that your dad used sports to teach you guys a lot. How about let let's set sports aside though. What else did he teach you? Burke Williamson: I just returned home from attending my 20-year high school reunion. And it was interesting to step foot back in those high school halls that I hadn't been in in years. And on some of the the tables were yearbooks, and I grew up in a tiny town, and so on the walls of the high school halls they'll have the various senior high school pictures of of the entire class. And my mom and dad were in the same high school graduating class at my same high school. So it was so fun to go down memory lane and and see them and just think about the memories I had with my dad. And one thing that I always knew growing up is that my dad loved my mom. There's a specific song by Sh the band Chicago. I think it's called Saturday in the Park. If I hear that song, it takes me right back to my kitchen as a childhood, in my childhood. And I can just picture my dad singing at the top of his lungs, swinging my mom around, dancing, and my mom feeling a little bit embarrassed, just laughing and cracking up. And those are just core childhood memories because that was joy. It was joy knowing that my dad loved my mom. And I think that's so important for for my daughter to see as well, to know that I love her mother and that our relationship is paramount. It's far more important than any of my professional relationships. But to just feel that joy now reflecting on memories that were over 30 years ago. And I still feel that same smile. loving your mom, or my dad love loving my mom really makes it hit home that my daughter's gonna remember these things. These silly things that are just happening in our home that I think are just brush away moments are very memorable. My parents might never remember dancing in the kitchen or that specific time dancing to that Saturday in the park song, but I I remember and it's surprising how much our kids remember. So I hope they can remember the joy they can feel by me loving their mom. Seth Stoker: Why do you think it's so impactful on a child when they see that their parents love each other? Burke Williamson: I think we're always looking for stability. Life is so full of curveballs and ups and downs, and just I I know we've moved on from sports, but sports kind of teach us that we can't always control the situations that we're in. And so when we can find an ounce of stability, it it helps us. And certainly that was what I was gleaning from that is life changes. I always knew that I could go home. I had a stable environment. I knew I was loved. I knew my parents loved each other. And so that just allowed me a little bit more confidence to face the world where the world is always changing and the world isn't always stable. But at least I had a secure, safe harbor from, you know, the waves of the world. Seth Stoker: Yeah, the world is so busy and and and crazy and distracting and and unpredictable outside of the home. I think there's huge value in your kids being able to come home and have home be predictable. Home's a place of peace. Home's a place of love. And I think if you can create that type of an environment, it also creates a world where your kids actually want to be home. And it's not a place they're dying to, you know, spend every second away from it they can because there's not peace there. And and you see situations like that too. And so I I I love hearing that your your parents, it sounds sounds like made a deliberate effort to do so. Burke Williamson: Yeah. I never thought about it in the moment, but it sounds like they did. And and maybe that's just the people that they were, but I'm sure it was far more deliberate than I ever gave them credit for. Seth Stoker: Well, and and maybe it did come naturally, but I think it's good for people who hear hear these stories to recognize like, hey, there's an opportunity for me as a parent to go ahead and with my spouse make sure that we're creating the type of environment that our kids want to come home to, that they feel comfortable coming home to, and making sure that it's a place of peace because that's so critical. For them to have some place of refuge. And you think about it this way: if home isn't that place of refuge, where is that place gonna be? Is that gonna be the kids you don't want them to hang out with? Is that gonna Burke Williamson: Right. Seth Stoker: be you know, through substances or or that sort of thing that that's that's gonna have the wrong impact on them? Like you want them to be able to feel comfortable coming home in an environment that you know is the type of environment they should be in. Burke Williamson: Yeah, I totally agree. And and on that note, one thing that my dad's job allowed is that he didn't ever have to bring work home. So I knew when dad was home, I got dad. He was present. He was physically present, but also emotionally and mentally present for me and for my family. And my mom too, of course. but one thing that my dad would often do is He loved hunting. He loved being in the mountains. And I'm reflecting on this as we talk because this past weekend I I took my wife up to a a spot in the mountains near my hometown where I frequented with my dad and my brothers. And it rained on us. And I have a distinct memory of being in the truck and my dad just turning the truck off and we could hear the rain hitting the cab of the truck. And thinking to myself, Dad, what are we doing? Why are we stopping? And just goes, Shh, just enjoy the rain. And so I did made my family do that this weekend. And we just sat still and listened to the rain, hit our car, and we rolled down the windows a little bit to just smell the the freshness of the the mountain rain. And I have so many memories like that of my being with my dad in the mountains. You know, luckily I grew up in a time where we didn't have cell phones trying to compete with our attention. But even if I did, I was always in the mountains with my dad and my brothers where I had nothing to entertain me other than the conversing with my dad and my brothers. And I have so many memories of just being with them, hunting, walking through the mountains, you know, through s hiking through snow up to your waist and being cold all the time, but always knowing that my dad was gonna help me get to the finish line on those hikes. but my dad was always present. He was always there, always there to converse. Seth Stoker: You know, it's interesting that you you call out cell phones and how they compete for our attention a lot of times. And I think it's so easy to allow them to to compete for your attention with your children and things like that. And so maybe my question to you is now that since we do have cell phones, what does a present dad look like these days? Burke Williamson: Yeah. My wife instituted a wonderful rule because I my job's pretty demanding and it's so easy for the emotions of of work to bleed into home. And so one thing that we have talked about is I don't know that it's fair that I give my clients and my coworkers the best of me to the point where I come home and I'm just so mentally and physically spiritually exhausted that my wife and my daughter get the scraps. And so it's important that whether it's my nutrition or my workout, being spiritually fed as well, so that I have the stamina to give my all at work and and be honest in in what I'm doing here, but have the best of me reserved for when I get home. And and so one of the first things I do is My my phone is off limits when I'm home. I've already had my opportunity to communicate via email with my clients. They've had me for the bulk of the day, but when I'm home, I need to just be home and I I don't look at my phone. And that's something that my wife has been really good at. And and phones are definitely not allowed at the dinner table. We make it a point to have family dinner every night so that We can just be present, we can talk about our days and phones are absolutely a no no for anyone. my wife included at the dinner table. And when people come and visit, same thing. We've no phones at the dinner table. It's time for us to converse. And so Seth Stoker: Love that. Burke Williamson: I have to give credit to my wife. Those are things that she's tried to instill because she sees how demanding my job can be for me and it's important that I am mentally present, not distracted by the things that often come in through those devices. Seth Stoker: Man, Burke, I think what you said is so important. And the way the way you said it really hit home for me that if you're giving your best at work and then you come home and your family gets the scraps, that is so unfair to your family. We're giving our best to the absolute wrong, you know, wrong priorities. And I think that's I I I don't think that's an easy fix, but I think if you're deliberate about it, you really can make sure that when you come home. That your family's getting your best. And I bet there's a lot of dads out there listening to this who have never thought about it that way because it's so easy to just be in survival mode. I gotta perform at work, I've I've got to be successful, and then I come home. And look, home's a place for of peace for me too. And I want to break and that sort of thing. But man, what a good call-out. We we have to we cannot give our family the scraps. I I if there's one takeaway. For me already it's it's that that I gotta make sure that my kids do not get my scraps when I go. Burke Williamson: Yeah, no, thank you for pointing that out as well. I just go back to this idea that time is a thief and time just escapes us. I can endure and I can make these self-sacrifices to make sure that I'm present. And you know, I'm we all see the grandparents taking naps when they're visiting their kids. I'll I'll sleep when I'm a grandpa, so let me be more available. for my daughter now while I have her. Otherwise I'm gonna look back and say, Man, I wish I would have worked less. I don't know anyone that thinks back and says, I wish I would have worked more, right? I think we might look back and say, I wish I would have worked less and try to prioritize family. So I try to keep those things in mind because man, I just cannot believe how fast time is going. Seth Stoker: that. So so let's go back to your dad because obviously your time with your dad was limited. And I want to make sure that we're able to learn as much as we can about your experiences with your dad while you had them. And so what else did you learn from your dad? Burke Williamson: Yeah. You know, my dad wasn't much of a spiritual man. but I knew I knew spirituality was going to be important for me. I I remember specifically bear with me as I tell you this. My mom was always the churchgoer in our family, and She had felt like having some sense of spiritual connection was going to be important for her boys. But church always competed with hunting season. And some of the best hunting was on Sundays. And so most of my life, Sundays was a day to get out with dad and the brothers and go chase the mountain lions, or go hunt deer or elk. And so we spent a lot of Sundays out hunting. And I remember one Sunday I saw my mom coming home from church alone, and I thought, this is just tugging on my heart. I'm sending my mom alone to church every single Sunday when all these other moms get to sit with their kids. And so I remember this was when I was a teenager, and I just made an important point of just saying, Hey dad, I I feel like I need to go to church with mom so she's not alone. And I remember just my dad really supporting that and being proud of me, despite him not having that spiritual commitment, perhaps at the same level that my mom had. Well Me going to church with my mom catapulted to where I decided one day maybe going on a mission would be the right decision for me. That kind of came at a at an interesting time. I I had initially planned to go and play baseball in college. So I was attending college and you want to talk about a proud dad. When my dad saw that my I was trying to chase these dreams to go and play baseball in college, there was nothing like it. In fact Going back to self sacrifice with my dad, there was a time where my dad could see that baseball could perhaps pay for college. And I remember telling my dad, Hey, I'm probably gonna work this summer. And my dad said, Hey, you're gonna work the rest of your life. Why don't you focus this summer on just honing in your craft and playing baseball every single day? And I remember I couldn't believe my eyes because all my or my ears, all my friends had to go get jobs. But here I was having my dad, and I'm not from a family of money, but my dad was just saying, You go do what you need to do to focus on baseball. Well, that proved to offer me a scholarship. So I'm playing baseball, it's fall, and at that time, skateboarding on on these longboards was really popular. And so I'm longboarding with some friends in the evening time and I wreck on my longboard and I break my arm. And you're not very a very good baseball player with a broken arm. And I had some tough conversations with the coaches and they decided that since it was fall they could reallocate my scholarship elsewhere and so my baseball career came to a screeching halt and my dad was not happy with me. Not only did he have to pay for my medical bills, but this point of pride that he had was now coming to to a close. And I remember being at the lowest of lows. A at the time I was only 18. I hadn't even turned 19 yet. And my whole world was sports and now I didn't have this opportunity to play sports anymore. I had nowhere else to turn. Luckily I had some good friends and a great mom who were focused more on the spiritual side of things. And a lot of my friends were leaving on church missions. And so I decided what Seth Stoker: Hey, Burke, real quick, just for for context, for people who may not be familiar with it, yeah help teach us about the concept of the church mission. Burke Williamson: Yeah, you know, I I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and a lot of times young men are expected to go serve a mission. W when I was growing up you leave when you were nineteen. Nowadays they're leaving when they're eighteen and young young women go as well. But it's a time where you leave your school studies, you you leave your professional endeavors or sports aside, and you fully dedicate two years To serving the Lord and trying to teach people about Jesus Christ and helping them find a relationship with the Savior to help them through the challenging times that life life gives. And so my friends were leaving to do these two-year commitments to serving the Lord. And while you're out there, you're not communicating with your family much. You're you're writing an email once a week and calling home twice a year, and that's kind of what I was s seeing my friends were doing. I had no expectation at home that I was supposed to do that, nor had I ever really thought that's what I would do. but to make long story short, I ended up realizing that's the path I needed to follow. And it's where I was finding some peace with this whole because I thought my purpose in life was to be a baseball player. But on the spiritual side I found that there was so much more to life than just being a baseball player. And I I found that through Seeking to invest more in my spirituality. So fast forward, I decide I'm Seth Stoker: Re real quick, before we fast forward, if that's okay, how did that conversation go with your dad telling him that you've decided to put everything else on hold and and go serve a mission, knowing that he wasn't necessarily a a super spiritual guy? Burke Williamson: Yeah. I remember having it. My d we had a little patio at our house and and my dad enjoyed relaxing out there on the patio and he would have his beverage of choice and smoke a few cigarettes because that helped him relax. And we had many, many conversations and life lessons were were had on that patio. but I remember sitting there telling him, Dad, I'm gonna go on a mission and He was quiet. I I could tell that he was quiet because he was disappointed. I'm sure that he saw value that could come from a mission, but he s he viewed me choosing to go on this mission as me giving up on my dream of pursuing baseball and having baseball pay for college. My dad never graduated from c college. Even though he had opportunities to go play football and wrestle in college, he didn't see that through and You know, I remember knowing a time when my dad was getting paid sixteen dollars an hour and we were living off of that as a family of six, and he saw that because he didn't have a college education, many doors were closed on him and our families struggled because of that. And so he was viewing it out of really loving, fatherly eyes, feeling like I was giving up on an opportunity that could bless my future family. So I really respect him from that. But also he didn't see this change in me that I was filling this void that I had felt when I broke my arm and I s I I did feel like my college opportunity to play baseball was closing. So that was a really hard conversation. Ultimately he just said, look, it's not what I want you to do, but if you feel like you need to do it, you're you're an adult man now. So you can go and do it. Now I got my mission call When you serve a mission in our church, the leaders of the church have missions located throughout the entire world and they pray about where you specifically should go. And I was called to serve in what's known as the West Indies Mission. And one of the main countries in my mission is called Guyana. The only thing my dad ever knew about Guyana is there was this guy named Jim Jones who also went to Guyana doing church type. items in in Guyana and ultimately had a lot of people killed drinking some some Kool-Aid. And so he was very uncomfortable with the idea of me going and serving in the West Indies. In fact, when I was opening my mission call to read where I was being called, I had friends and family there. And when I read it, my dad walked out of the room and he went back to that patio. And I I get a a little emotional. 'Cause that was one of the first times I saw my dad cry. He did not want me to go. He he felt like it was gonna be unsafe for me. And it's not that he despise the church or any spiritual ventures. It's just that he loved me. And I I knew he loved me. Even though the choice I was making was not the choice he wanted me to make. He was coming out of a place of love. And at no point did I ever question did my dad love me? Because I knew he did. Even in these difficult times. And I ended up going on that mission. And That was the last patio talking my Seth Stoker: K Burke, I'm Burke Williamson: dad had. Seth Stoker: I I'm so sorry. Just just really quick. How difficult was that to go on your mission knowing that your dad didn't want you to go? Burke Williamson: Extremely, extremely difficult. But some things Some things burn inside of you and sometimes you just do what you truly believe to your core is the right thing to do. And as hard as it was to go against my father's wishes, I knew deep inside that I had a a testimony that life was far more than I had ever dreamed and and God can make so much more out of us than we can on our own. And I knew I needed to go on this mission so that I could really see God's hand. I missed out on so much of church and and really having a relationship with God as a kid because I I wasn't going to church. I was spending time with my dad and my brothers, and I'm grateful for those because I rely on those memories now. But it was time for me to develop a relationship with another father, my my heavenly father. So as hard as as it was, I seemed to find some sort of strength that kind of eased the the challenge of saying goodbye to my family. Seth Stoker: Now you were starting to tell us about the last discussion that you had with him on the patio. Burke Williamson: Yeah, that last patio conversation we had was after I opened that mission call and seeing him cry saying that he didn't want me to go on the mission. And in the moment I of course never thought it would be the last. I thought we'd have many more patio conversations. But when I was on my mission, I was maybe 18 months out. I it it was the the Monday after Mother's Day. Now, an important thing to know about when you're a missionary, you usually call home on Mother's Day and and talk to your family. And I had called home on that Sunday of Mother's Day, and I remember talking to my dad, and his voice was really raspy. And I said, Dad, what's going on? And he said, I don't know. I said, Well, you gotta go get checked out. And so luckily he was able to get in rather quickly. being in a small town, there's typically only one doctor. But she had an availability and he got checked out and she noticed some things were were pretty pretty wrong. he found out that he had a big tumor growing in his esophagus from the many years of him smoking and my grandfather was a smoker and so the secondhand smoke it had added up. My dad was only fifty years old at the time, which Seems so young now that I'm approaching, getting closer to that age. so I I'm out teaching a lesson with the family the day after Mother's Day. I had just talked to my family and our our phone rings and I could see that it's my house calling me. And being the youngest of four boys, I automatically assume my brothers are pranking me. They got my cell phone number on the mission and they thought, this would be fun. Let's call Burke while he's serving a mission and and prank him. but I answered and it was my dad and in pretty solemn terms, it was him kind of conveying some of the things that they were they were noticing. And obviously it was too early on to really know a lot of the details, but I I knew, I knew this was pretty serious. And six short months later, my dad had passed away to his the to his cancer that had ultimately spread from his from his esophagus to his lungs and quickly shortened his life to the point where I I wasn't there. I wasn't there to say. my goodbyes to him and and I was relying on the memories that we created. Seth Stoker: So you you stayed in the West Indies? Burke Williamson: Yeah, and I I I was blessed that despite the fact at the time mission rules did not allow you to call home except for Mother's Day and Christmas, my mission president said, Hey, look, you should call home as often as you could. And and so I was calling home daily for the last week of my father's life. And one of the unique experiences I remember having is my dad and I had no spiritual conversations really outside of me just telling him I was gonna serve a mission. But I remember my dad making a specific reference to two men in the scriptures who were missionary companions. And I remember thinking, I can't believe you know who they are. I didn't even know you knew the scriptures at all, but he told me that Knowing that his demise was before him. He realized that he needed a relationship with God. And me being on a mission kind of helped inspire him to turn to the scriptures. And these two men in the scriptures, they're named Alma and Amulek, and they're missionary companions. And they go through some hard times and some successful times, but my dad said, I hope one day you and I could be Alma in Amulek. That we can be missionary companions and talk about a complete 180 to go from not wanting me to serve a mission at all to now talking about hoping that he and I could be missionary companions. And that was one of the last phone conversations we had because having the tumor in his esophagus causator, he couldn't talk very well towards the end of his life. Too painful. but I'll always cherish that because I had spiritual confirmation to know that I was where I needed to be for my family. My dad was he was home, he was suffering, my family was suffering, watching him quickly decay from being this really active high school wrestling coach to. A man that can leave his his chair, and I felt like I should be there. I should be there to help. But having that conversation with my dad helped me realize I was actually doing more good for my family, being a missionary and trying to offer a little bit more spiritual strength so that we could call on the angels in heaven to come down and buoy us up during one of the most difficult challenges we had faced at that point in time. Seth Stoker: It sounds like you were able to talk to him at least a decent amount before you knowing knowing that he was gonna pass and before he passed. Do you feel like you got to say everything you wanted to say to him? Burke Williamson: I think what I had to say was sufficient. I there's always more that you wish you could say. You know, that there was a time when I was a kid. my dad kept his pack of cigarettes on top of our fridge. And I hated, I hated that my dad smoked. It it was a sense of embarrassment. You know, growing up in a a town that's predominantly religious. It's never fun being the kid that sometimes smells like cigarette smoke. And I kinda resented him for that. And I I I remember taping a picture, my school picture to a cigarette box, hoping that he would see that. And choose not to smoke. But we all have our our own vices. We all struggle with one thing or another. Some of our sins are you can smell on your clothes, and others of our sins are hidden behind closets. But we all have our own things that we struggle with. And I just wish I could have told him that I forgive him. You know, and he was doing the best he could to try to provide for our family. And I wish I could just tell him, like, man, Dad, I I knew that you loved me. I knew that you loved mom. You were always there for me. You were at every game, every wrestling match. He was there when I would speak in church. He was there when I graduated from seminary for church. And he was present. And despite the vices that he had, man, I love my dad. He was the best dad. Seth Stoker: What does the time you had with him mean to you now that he's not here? Burke Williamson: I reflect on it often. And maybe that's a gift. I think we it's easy to take for granted the relationships that you have because they're ongoing. They're ongoing and you feel like you can just call on someone for advice when you need it. but for me I I can't. And so in a way I I view it as a blessing because I'm I'm forced to go back into my mind and think about the times that I had with my dad. And one of the most enjoyable things I have now is getting together with my three older brothers. And talking about these memories and reminiscing and just realizing how good life was. How much my mom and dad sacrificed to make sure we had a good life. And so being forced to think about these memories, I think I'm remembering far more than maybe I would if I had dad and my dad into my old age. So if you still have dad, if anyone's listening, I would encourage you to force yourself to think about these memories that maybe you're You've taken for granted, you just never know when you might have to say goodbye. Seth Stoker: So maybe that's a good transition, Burke, because you know better than anybody that your days with your kids and your days with your parents are limited. That it's gonna come to an end for everyone. But I guess the question is, is how does that impact the way you approach fatherhood, knowing that that time is limited? Burke Williamson: Make it count. Make it count. Take the time to create the memories. It's so easy to be bogged down with the idea that you've got to provide for your family because you do. I feel like it's my responsibility to provide. But also taking time to create memories so that your kids have things to hold on to and And reflect on that's that's really my focus, is and as I mentioned, we we get 18 summers with our with our kids. I've already lived five of those eighteen with my daughter. I have 13 left in her adolescence. And so how can I make the most out of these? 13 summers that I have with her while still trying to fulfill my obligation to be a provider for my family. I think it I have so much that I need to learn and grow in, but I think you really have to be intentional with your time. It will get away from you if you're not intentional and planning things out so that you can have the time that you need to with your family. Seth Stoker: Do you feel like you approach parenthood differently than you would if you hadn't lost your dad so early? Burke Williamson: Certainly. Yeah. I mean if if I'm on the same timeline as my father I only have eleven years left. And if you think if if anyone knew the time that they passed away, when you you you think about the time you would have, it kind of if if you know your expiration date, you kind of live life a little differently. And so I think that it's caused me to live with a little bit more purpose. I know this is not intended to be a spiritual podcast, but I think that's one of the biggest takeaways for me is life is so short, but God's plan is eternal. And so prioritizing my spiritual life has been one of the biggest impacts for me because it it helps give me far more purpose than just shrinking my experience with my dad into just this mortal life. But I believe that God's purpose for all of this is far more than just having a short period of time on earth. He's created a plan where we can be eternally together. And so A spiritual commitment is one of the biggest takeaways and trying to give my daughter that opportunity from her youth to grow and get to know her father in heaven and our Savior Jesus Christ. It's not something that was a priority for me as a child, but because of my losing my father at such a young age, and then sadly my mom's always also passed away due to cancer, it helps you think more of in an eternal perspective so that you can try to have relationships not only here but but on the other side as well when we pass away and and so Developing that relationship with Jesus Christ has become one of the more important things in fatherhood for me. Seth Stoker: Interesting that that's the way that you responded to it, because I think a lot of people in that situation could have been angry at God. So why were you? Burke Williamson: My father had choices. He didn't have to smoke. Right? And I I think there are consequences to our decisions. but I also look at on the other hand of my grandfather smoked like a chimney his whole life and lived to be ninety-three. So why couldn't my dad? And and I think there might have been times where I felt angry, but the reality is I felt peace when I tried to draw closer to my Sevier. when I tried to just focus on getting comfort from him, I felt it. I was angry. There's times where I was angry. Having those two emotions side by side and realizing the path that I needed to follow to feel the peace made me realize that I couldn't be angry if I wanted to find peace. We all have to face the consequences of our own decisions, but the reality is my mom died of cancer and it wasn't because of a decision she made. It wasn't from smoking cigarettes. So I guess my my my point in bringing that up is Sometimes it can feel like we're alone and maybe God's not there because things are happening to us that are out of our control. But I've also felt the greatest sense of peace and reassurance in the darkest times of my life because I've turned to him. And I just can't explain it any other way. They're losing your parents at such young age at a s at such a young age as I feel like I I am has been pretty dram traumatic for my brothers and I, almost to the point of depression for some of us. But I feel like focusing on just this life is so myopic. If we can think about the grand eternities, it gives me hope. And I wanna live a life of hope. I want to live a life of knowing and believing that there's so much more memories to create with my parents on the other side. And that brings me joy and that brings me hope. Anger is only going to fester and make my own journey here. less enjoyable. It's gonna make my daughter's life less enjoyable. But when I can live a life of hope and belief, it opens up entirely new opportunities of happiness and joy for me now and for my family. Seth Stoker: love the choice the thinking about the choice to live a life of hope because it is it's a conscious choice to because you can focus on the negative you can you can focus on what's going wrong you can focus on how you've been wronged or you can choose to be hopeful and I I I love that perspective that you have tell me about your daughter Burke Williamson: She's my world. She is so much like me. She's five. She loves sports. We love playing catch together. she's right now loving the idea of maybe being a cheerleader, which just as a dad, I just think, how do I get you out of being a cheerleader? Don't you want to be the person on the field where the cheerleaders are cheering for? But I'm reminded Your our kids have their own passions and their passions are not ours. so it's fun seeing the world through her eyes. And there's nothing better. It's it's so renewing being a dad, isn't it? Where every little thing to your children is new and you're almost experiencing this world again through new fresh eyes, where just seeing a grasshopper is exciting, following a a butterfly is exciting, finding shapes in the clouds. We we a few years ago took a trip to Hawaii and we saw all these wonderful ex you know, volcanoes and beaches and we had so much fun. but my daughter's favorite memory was just being with mom and dad watching a show together. And I just thought, Well, my goodness, we could have watched a show at home and saved some money. but Those quality times that we have with our kids at home are s some of the things they might remember more than some of these fancy vacations we take. So it's fun to have a daughter that helps you have fresh eyes. Seth Stoker: What's been the most fulfilling experience you've had as a father so far? Burke Williamson: The reciprocating love. When you have a child that is so excited to see you when you come home and just hug you and just love you and that relies on you when they get a little cut and they just need you for comfort. That love is unparalleled to any experience I've ever had in my life. Last week my daughter was at soccer practice and soccer practice. had already started before I was able to arrive and she saw me coming and she broke away from her practice and ran off the field and jumped into my arms and I thought, my gosh, this is this must be what heaven feels like. just feeling so much love for a another person is beyond anything you've I've ever experienced. I mean, I love my parents, but it's a different love when you have children that You are caring for and hoping the best for. Seth Stoker: It it's an incredible feeling. You almost wish that everyone could see you through the eyes that your children, your young children see you through, right? It's just there there's Burke Williamson: Yes. Yes, please. Seth Stoker: just something about it that it's like they see the best version of you. And that is so fulfilling. That you you know you're you're more aware of your flaws and and faults and and challenges and weaknesses than than anyone else. But you know what? They don't care about any of that. They're just glad you're there. Burke Williamson: Yeah. Yeah, you nailed it. Fulfilling is the most accurate word. Being a father is so fulfilling. There's nothing like it. Seth Stoker: Although the sad thing is they get older and they start to notice those flaws a little bit, but that's okay. Yep, exactly. Burke Williamson: Yeah, and then maybe you gotta do it again with the grandkids, right? Seth Stoker: Then the grandkids have no idea. No, that's great. Burke Williamson: Yeah. Seth Stoker: So let's talk really specifically then about your approach as a dad. What are you being very deliberate about in teaching your daughter? I know she's five, but but this is when you you start teaching even earlier than that. So what are you trying to teach your daughter? Burke Williamson: Well, number one, you can do hard things. Never settle. If something's challenging, that means it's worth pursuing. Take the challenge head on and just realize there's gonna be ups and downs. but you can do it. And I hope to be her cheerleader, where I'm in the corner just cheering her on and she can look to me to help her fill her empty tank when she needs extra motivation. But do the hard thing. Seth Stoker: How do you teach that though? Burke Williamson: And number two, well, I I think you you've got to give your kids opportunities. You've got to be willing to allow them to also fail and learn from their failure. And I'm just like every other dad, I'm still trying to figure this out. It's kind of trial and error, but I'm I'm relying a lot on my own experiences and the experience my dad has done. But I think that getting your kids involved in in sports is really important. And they gotta just get away from the these darn screens that try to capture their attention when they need to be out there learning more of these life lessons through teamwork and and failure, but also feel the joy of accomplishing something that is hard work. And I've seen that even with my daughter trying to learn piano. I mean, it doesn't have to be sports, but it could be something that causes them to dedicate their time to their craft. And go through the ups and downs of learning something new and also experiencing the successes that come through a day of hard work. So that's one thing that's really prevalent on my mind as well as my wife's. And the other thing is we talk of Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ so that our children may know who they can turn to for a remission of their sins. Life is hard. Life is full of ups and downs. And you know what? There's gonna be things that happen to us that are out of our control. We're gonna lose loved ones. And people that we love are going to make choices that will disappoint and hurt us. We're gonna make choices that are gonna hurt other people too. It's part of this mortal journey. But I hope that my daughter will always know who she can turn to to be forgiven of her own sins and to also perhaps get enough strength to forgive someone who's wronged her, or to give grace to someone who's really just trying their best. And they didn't truly mean to offend you with the words they said, but we're all human. And to me, It's Christ that helps us receive that remission and and the strength to endure some of the hardships of life. And the other element I want to mention is I hope my daughter always knows she's loved and that her mom is loved. I never want her to ever question at any point in her life, no matter what decision she makes, I will love her and I will always be there to help put band-aids on those wounds, even when they become more serious as an adult. Seth Stoker: I think that's awesome. I I've got a couple more questions for you. Number one, I would like to hear you summarize what do you feel like your father's legacy is? Burke Williamson: I would say my father's legacy is putting family first. Putting aside your own wants and desires, including sleep, to give your children the opportunity to experience life. And my father's legacy is me knowing that when he departed this mortal journey, I knew he loved me. I knew he loved my brothers. I knew he loved our mom. And he was he was the life of the party. Anyone that was not his son that he coached in wrestling loved him. He got the most out of other people. And he will always be known in our town as that wrestling coach and as as one of the pillars of the wrestling program there. And to this day, they s they have a wrestling tournament every December that's called the Paul Williamson Invitational. And so the time that he sacrificed, not just for my family, but for our community by helping coach some of these kids continues to to live on. Seth Stoker: Cool. And and what would you like your legacy to be as a dad? Burke Williamson: I hope my legacy is similar, that my daughter knows that I loved her, I loved her mom, and I loved my saviour. And I hoped that she can always remember that she could turn to me and I was gonna be there. I could be she could count on me being present and making time and and prioritizing her. Seth Stoker: Well, Bert, thank you for teaching us today. I I think I I've learned a ton. I hope the listeners have too, but with the experiences that you've gone through and the way that you've chosen hope and the way that you have shown up for your daughter and continue to show up for your daughter, I think there's a lot that we can take away from this conversation. So thanks so much for sharing it with us. Burke Williamson: Well, thanks for having me and thanks to all the other fathers who have shared so that we can all learn from each other. I appreciate what you're doing, Seth. Seth Stoker: Thanks, Bert. Shout out to Burke for joining us on the podcast today. What an incredible conversation. To everyone listening, the next time you pull into that garage, I hope you remember what Burke taught us today. Make it count. You don't know how many you have left. I'll be dropping new episodes every Wednesday, and I've got some exceptional guests in store. I'm excited to share those conversations with you. If this conversation had an impact, share it with another dad who needs to hear it. And And if you know a dad with a story worth telling, get in contact with me at dadicalpodcast.com. Don't sleepwalk through fatherhood. Be daddy.