Latest / The Eye Believe Podcast / My 15 Years | Episode 15: Why Me? Why Not Me?

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My 15 Years | Episode 15: Why Me? Why Not Me? · The Eye Believe Podcast

0:05
hey everyone
0:06
welcome back to the Eye Believe Podcast
0:08
this is another episode of my 15 years with Melody
0:11
our special guest hi Melody
0:14
hi
0:15
and I'm your host Megan
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so today we're gonna talk about why me and why not
0:21
me
0:21
and this is kind of a big topic in a cancer community
0:26
so do you want to talk about just kind of the idea of
0:29
why me why not me
0:31
well I think when we get diagnosed with cancer
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we have a major life event
0:35
we think why
0:36
why me and kind of
0:38
go into a little bit of a victimhood mentality
0:41
and you can't live there that long
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you have to eventually find a way to get out of it and
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so when you're looking at
0:51
why me well
0:52
why not you I mean
0:53
there's a lot of bad things happen
0:55
to a lot of really great people and
0:57
but things happen
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and we don't always have control over those things
1:01
and we they don't make sense
1:04
but what can you do about it when it happens
1:07
so why not be you gotta kind of shift your mindset
1:11
so that you're not wallowing in that self pity
1:16
definitely so
1:18
we're gonna talk a little bit about
1:20
being in a victim mode um
1:22
I think it's very easy for us
1:24
as humans to play the victim and oh
1:27
what if you know
1:28
poor me why would this happen to me
1:30
and I think people do it every day
1:32
with very simple things
1:34
like not getting the parking spot they wanted or
1:37
you know getting a
1:38
a ding on their car they're out of fries
1:41
I mean
1:42
we hear people complain like it's the end of the world
1:44
over these really silly things
1:46
and so when you're looking at it
1:47
a cancer diagnosis and your neighbor doesn't have one
1:50
and why me that's a really
1:52
really heavy hard situation
1:54
so for you how long did it take you to kind of
1:58
pull yourself out of the victim mode
2:01
and not see yourself as a victim
2:04
a year and a half almost two years
2:08
um
2:09
my favorite saying way back in the day was
2:13
well I'm terminal
2:14
that's what I used to say all the time
2:16
I'm terminal well
2:18
how can you treat me this way
2:19
I'm having a terminal illness
2:21
and it became an identity that was not healthy
2:25
was so not healthy and it caused a lot of problems
2:27
problems
2:28
but you tend to latch on to whatever that identity is
2:32
and when the doctor say oh
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you have this many years to live
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you think okay
2:36
I'm terminal but we're not terminal
2:39
we're okay um
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when you're first diagnosed
2:42
you don't know what's gonna happen
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even if you have a metastatic diagnosis
2:45
you're not dying today it's not happening today um
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for most of us so
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so what do you do with it
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how do you process it where do you put it
2:57
because focusing on that negativity is not healthy
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um causing yourself undue stress is not healthy
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um there's been a lot of scientific evidence about um
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mental health
3:11
attitude and stress and what it does to your body
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so you're really doing yourself a disservice
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by living in that negative space
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cause it's gonna cause more problems with your body
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and your immune system and all those things
3:28
yeah and then
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I mean the ripple effects from there
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people don't wanna be around you anymore
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so you're gonna kind of isolate yourself
3:35
and maybe lose some close friends or acquaintances
3:39
because they don't wanna listen to it anymore
3:41
you're not finding the joy in the things
3:43
that you found joy in I would assume
3:46
yeah well
3:47
you get fixated on it and so
3:50
I'm not gonna ever say that
3:52
ocular melanoma is an easy diagnosis to handle
3:55
cause it's not it's hard
3:57
but you
3:58
you have to at some point make a decision in your life
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what which way you're gonna go
4:06
you're either gonna live in the negative
4:08
and the victimhood and let it consume you
4:12
or
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you're gonna have to figure out a way to brush it off
4:17
try to make sense about it
4:19
put it in its right compartment
4:21
and not let it consume your life
4:23
because I'm speaking from my experience
4:26
for two to three years ocular melanoma consumed my life
4:31
it it consumed every decision I made
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every day that I woke up was about my cancer
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um I went off the deep end on a lot of crazy things
4:43
I became a vegetarian I juiced
4:45
I went to counseling I
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I did all kinds of crazy crazy things
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not that juicing or being a vegetarian is crazy
4:54
it
4:54
was crazy for me because I took it to the big extreme
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cause I have to do everything on an extreme
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so instead of just being a little bit of a vegetarian
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I had to become obsessive about it
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and instead of just being a little bit juicing
5:08
and having fun with it I had to obsess over it
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so every morning I had to get up
5:12
I had to have my juice and I had to
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you know and then
5:15
I had to get everybody else involved in juicing
5:17
because it was so good and I had read stories about it
5:20
and this will save your life
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and oh my gosh
5:22
this is great what I was just doing was just
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I just kept replacing things
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and I wasn't dealing with the underlying issue
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that I had a cancer
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and I had to figure out how to live with it and
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and I think that's just kind of a
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a spot I see a lot of people get into
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and it's hard to get out of
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it's hard to get out of
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the hyper focus of the ocular melanoma
5:44
and trying to save your life
5:47
I wonder
5:47
if you were also trying to get some control back
5:50
in your life oh sure control
5:53
sure your diet and you could control the juice and
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you know
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anything that gives you a little bit of control
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is easy to latch onto yeah
6:02
and then there's the cancer card
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we all play the cancer card
6:05
well I have cancer oh
6:07
I was a cancer card queen yes
6:10
I have cancer and I'm terminal huh
6:13
and and I wonder now why
6:17
why people were like ooh
6:18
get away from her here she comes
6:20
because I was I was a walking mess
6:23
just a mess
6:24
and I needed to fix the things I was hyper focusing on
6:30
because it was causing a big impact in my life
6:33
in other areas and it wasn't it wasn't healthy
6:38
yeah I mean
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that's a that's a big
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traumatic event to go through and
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you know we don't have a handbook
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or a blueprint how to process these things
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therapy helps but it's a process that
6:49
you don't go to one day of therapy and say oh
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now I understand
6:54
oh no
6:55
I was in like
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two years of therapy
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two years and
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and my therapist had to get kind of um
7:02
blunt with me many times
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and this is one of the things she used to ask me a lot
7:06
why not you what makes you so special
7:09
that things shouldn't happen to you
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and I was terribly offended by that
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it's like well
7:14
what do you mean no
7:17
this should not be happening to me
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you know
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once you kind of get that wrapped around your head
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you're like well yeah
7:23
why not me you know
7:25
why I'm not I'm not more special
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maybe I don't like the situation
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but we all have situations we don't like
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you know somebody runs into your car
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you don't really like it but you gotta deal with it
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yeah so
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when you started moving forward
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and you're crawling out of that victim mentality
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what kind of tools or resources helped you to do that
7:52
going to therapy helped a lot
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because I was able to talk it out
7:57
I think one of the things that was big for me was
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I kept playing the loop you know
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there's some of us have that brain
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that we just keep replaying the loop
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and I was having conversations in my head
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that I was not having with anybody else
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and I was never gonna have those conversations
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with anybody else but
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I would constantly keep having these conversations
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in my head I had to learn how to quiet that noise
8:22
and stop that conversation loop
8:26
um I had to
8:28
I had to do some deep introspective work
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onto what I wanted my last days to be
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and one of my therapist said
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if you only have five years to live
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what do you want to do with those five years
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do you want to be worried about ocular melanoma
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every day for five years
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until you die
8:50
and again I was offended
8:53
why yes
8:53
I do thank you very much
8:55
I would really like to worry about this
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because this is huge and
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I want everybody else in my life
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to know how big this is
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and then she kind of made me understand that that's not
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I'm missing out on all the good that I still have today
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and when I finally got my brain
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to get on a different track
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I started realizing oh yeah
9:19
I have grandchildren I have children
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I have you know
9:22
it's a beautiful day um
9:24
there's other things that I can focus on
9:27
that is not my ocular melanoma
9:30
it's just a different way of looking at
9:33
at my life
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I had to figure out a way to put ocular melanoma
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in a compartment of my life and no longer consume it
9:43
yeah and
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you know it's like they say
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if you worry about something and then it
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it happens you suffer twice
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where if you didn't put that focus
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and that energy into worrying about it
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and then it happens you just suffered once
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or if you worry about it and then it doesn't happen
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then you suffer for no reason
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so
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I think you could kind of apply that principle to this
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as well if you sit around and worry about it
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you're really just torturing yourself
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and I know that's much easier said than done but
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but I think recognizing it's the first step
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yeah
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I had so many conversations with people in my own head
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that were never spoken out loud
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and I tortured myself
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because I made all these scenarios up
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what if they say this what if they say that
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and oh
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my gosh what if I do this and I it
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it consume it's like a
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it's like a tumbleweed or a
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maybe a snowball
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it's like a snowball starts out real small
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and the more it goes
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the bigger and the bigger and the bigger it gets
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until pretty soon
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what was just a little tiny thing is now huge
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and so everything was
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I was hyper focused on became huge
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and they didn't need to be so huge
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so when you I think the
10:53
the the biggest takeaway from this is
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don't let anything in your life consume you in any way
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doesn't matter what it is
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good or bad um
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you have to you have to have some balance there
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and I think
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that's one of the things I see in the community
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the most is we lose our balance
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yeah I mean
11:16
that makes a lot of sense
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and I think that's really easy to do
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I mean you see a lot of people um
11:22
this could be offensive to some people
11:23
but I'm gonna call you guys out Crossfitters
11:26
how do you there's a joke like
11:28
how do you know a Crossfitter is a Crossfitter
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and a vegan is a vegan and the answer is
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because they'll tell you
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because they become so obsessed with it
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I'm sorry if you're either of those
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I send you love and I'm sorry
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but it's it's really easy
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yeah I mean
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my point is just that it's really easy to get sucked in
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and let something consume you
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to possibly an unhealthy level
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even if it's a healthy thing
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like you said juicing is very healthy
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but if you obsess over it
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it's not a healthy thing so
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anything that becomes
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maybe in a little bit of an addiction
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even we're taking it to an unhealthy level
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even if it's a healthy thing
12:07
I remember having a conversation with my husband
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at the time I had gone to Whole Foods
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and I bought all this healthy food
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real I and I would
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I came home and I was unpacking the bags
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I'm like look at all this healthy food
12:19
it's organic and and you know
12:22
this is gonna be great
12:24
and then we were talking about my weight
12:25
cause I was kind of gaining some weight
12:27
I'm like I don't understand
12:28
I'm eating so healthy why am I gaining weight
12:30
and he said to something he said this to me
12:33
and it stopped me in my tracks
12:35
he said even healthy food has calories
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and it was like so true
12:41
oh
12:43
right because I was so obsessed in eating healthy
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I was eating all this healthy food
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I was eating way too much food
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than what I needed to be eating
12:50
but it was healthy so I thought
12:52
oh my god
12:52
this is gonna cure me I gotta put it in me
12:54
and then it's like well
12:55
how come I'm gaining weight
12:56
well probably cause I just doubled my calorie intake
12:58
you know it it
13:00
you know it's
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yeah it's really
13:03
actually very difficult
13:04
when you start tracking your nutrition
13:06
and your grams of protein and grams of fiber
13:09
and vitamin a and vitamin B and Calcium
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blah blah
13:13
you have to eat a ton
13:15
to be able to get enough of everything
13:17
they say you need to get
13:18
and I think letting go of that and just saying
13:21
I'm gonna do the best I can do today
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and if today
13:24
all I do is get enough Calcium and nothing else
13:27
great I
13:27
good job me
13:28
tomorrow I'll get some vitamin C or
13:30
you know just every day do the best you can
13:32
but yeah
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it's exhausting
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if you're trying to check every single box every day
13:37
it does become an obsession
13:39
well and that's the whole why not me thing
13:42
at some point you gotta let it go and just live a life
13:45
a balanced life the best you can do
13:47
and some days aren't gonna be great
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and some days are gonna be better
13:51
but looking backwards
13:52
is always easier than looking forward
13:55
but if I can give any advice to anybody
13:57
is stop looking so far ahead
14:01
and stop looking backwards
14:03
you're gonna mourn the life that you used to have
14:05
you're gonna mourn the fact that
14:07
you know you don't have the vision you used to have
14:09
oh gosh
14:10
now I have to wear glasses
14:11
and I never had to wear glasses in my whole life
14:13
oh this is terrible
14:14
well have some fun with it
14:16
you know you
14:17
you know you never wore glasses before
14:19
now you gotta wear glasses
14:20
do some funky frames do something fun
14:23
I was the girl who never wore any crazy eyeglasses
14:26
I always wore very modest frames
14:28
because that's what I thought I needed to do
14:31
not anymore I mean
14:32
I I
14:32
I search I'm always searching for new eyeglass frames
14:36
and trying to find anything
14:37
the biggest the boldest
14:39
the brightest and my whole life
14:41
nobody ever complimented me on my glasses
14:44
I mean
14:44
I don't remember anybody ever coming up and saying
14:46
I love your glasses I get compliments all the time now
14:50
oh my god
14:50
I love those glasses I used to have these blue cat eyes
14:53
people loved them they went crazy about them
14:55
but it was not me or my personality
14:59
to be showy or flashy
15:00
I was always kind of the wallflower girl
15:02
so it's like don't notice me
15:04
don't talk to me and
15:06
and so I had to kind of
15:07
change a little bit about me and who I was
15:10
and realize it's okay to be me
15:14
and to not be a version of me
15:16
everybody expects me to be
15:18
it's okay for me to be sad at some days
15:21
and to be upset or to be frustrated
15:23
but I can't live there I
15:26
and I don't want other people to put me in that box
15:28
and try to make me live there
15:30
you know um
15:32
there's so many things
15:33
that the victimhood gets you into
15:35
that is not fair to you or the people in your life
15:38
putting your disease on them
15:40
and making them be your caregiver
15:41
or making them do things for you
15:43
making them drive you everywhere you
15:45
because you're too afraid
15:46
I think at some point
15:48
we all need to kind of reach down inside of us
15:50
and pull out that inner
15:51
superhero being that we all have in us
15:54
and stop living behind the veil of fear
15:57
and go do something bold and exciting
15:59
if you only have a few months to live
16:01
or five years to live or you don't even know how long
16:05
go do something bold and exciting
16:08
because you don't know
16:10
and it's not just ocular melanoma
16:11
you know
16:13
I told the story about my mother's two friends
16:15
who retired and they were gonna travel the world
16:17
and on their very first trip
16:19
they walked across the street in Lake Tahoe
16:21
got hit by a bus they both died instantly
16:23
that was not in their plan
16:25
they lived a modest very
16:27
very structured life just for retirement
16:31
and
16:31
they were just starting this adventure of retirement
16:34
and boom so I think get a little bold
16:39
get a little you know
16:40
try to try to live with a why not me and
16:44
and what can I do
16:45
and go do something that gets you out of the victimhood
16:49
why me
16:51
mindset
16:52
so when you started A Cure In Sight
16:55
the main reason you started it was what
17:00
well the main reason I was angry
17:03
that's the main reason the second reason was
17:05
I saw a need that nobody was filling
17:07
and I did something about it
17:09
because nobody else was gonna do it
17:11
I mean how in the world could we
17:13
in 2,011 12 there not be a ribbon color
17:18
I mean this is not a new cancer
17:19
was not newly discovered
17:20
it's been here since the early 1900s
17:23
they knew about it
17:25
and nobody ever did anything about it
17:27
and it just I was
17:28
it kind of blew my mind
17:30
so why not me somebody's gotta do it
17:35
that's a great way to implement the why not me
17:37
yeah why not me
17:41
make a difference and start something great
17:44
and I'm not saying everybody needs to go
17:46
start a non profit or start a Facebook group
17:49
or start a support group or start a something
17:51
dive into something that you want
17:53
it doesn't even have to be ocular melanoma
17:55
I mean
17:55
I see people that get all involved in other things
17:58
go vacation go travel
18:00
go see the world if you don't want to do that
18:02
find a hobby that you love
18:04
um if you want to give back to the community
18:06
join
18:07
join one of the organizations and help support them
18:11
I mean we need support
18:13
and I think in the community
18:17
there's a lot of expectation that they should just have
18:20
well you know
18:21
I should have access to all of our podcast
18:24
you know I should have
18:26
I should have access to every YouTube video
18:28
I should have access to free everything
18:31
because I have ocular melanoma
18:33
well you're not that special
18:37
I and I know that sounds
18:41
maybe you might think that's mean or rude
18:43
but we're all a community
18:45
that really needs to come together
18:46
and work together
18:47
and not one person is more special than the other
18:50
we're all just a group trying to get by
18:52
trying to support ourselves with this crazy cancer
18:55
and jump in and do what you can where you can
18:59
with what you want you know
19:00
do something make a difference
19:02
you know this is um
19:05
Dolly Parton just passed away
19:08
and this is kind of a good reference
19:10
she grew up very poor
19:13
and she wanted to make a difference
19:14
and she just did it she didn't ask permission
19:17
she just went and did it she did
19:19
everything she did was bold
19:21
you know if you can't learn from anybody else
19:23
learn from Dolly
19:24
take some of her great sayings that she had
19:28
and some of her great examples
19:30
so look at all the stuff she did
19:32
and she was raised poor in the hills of Tennessee
19:35
where they had nothing
19:37
but she had a bold dream and a bold vision
19:40
and she jumped in and it wasn't always her idea
19:42
she helped other people and it was
19:45
it was inspiring
19:47
and if you can't be an inspiration to others
19:51
be inspired by others don't get so stuck into the well
19:56
this isn't fair to me
19:57
and poor me and I don't deserve this
20:01
yeah very
20:02
very true
20:03
they say that Dolly would have been a billionaire
20:05
if she wasn't so into philanthropy
20:07
which I think is amazing
20:08
cause I don't think anybody should be a billionaire
20:10
like that's just hoarding
20:12
you know help people if you can
20:14
and if you are a billionaire
20:15
you can so the fact that Dolly
20:17
you know was so um
20:20
just you know
20:21
business savvy and so good at everything she was doing
20:24
that she could have been a billionaire
20:25
and she chose not to that's huge
20:27
and I know she helped a lot of people
20:30
and that's the thing
20:31
if you can't help somebody with money
20:32
help somebody with time help somebody with inspiration
20:35
help somebody with something
20:36
you know help the older person in the grocery store
20:39
that is having a hard time
20:41
carry their groceries for them
20:43
you know help them reach the thing on the high shelf
20:45
whatever it is
20:46
get out of your own misery and give to something good
20:50
to somebody
20:51
because that right there is where the true happiness
20:56
I think lies
20:58
once you start giving to other people
21:00
and you start doing things for other people
21:02
you become happier it makes you happy
21:05
you might not realize it at first
21:07
but try it try just doing a few things here or there
21:11
nice for somebody else
21:13
and you'll find yourself smiling more
21:15
and you'll be more happy and
21:16
and have conversations with people in the grocery store
21:18
because
21:20
um
21:21
it changes your day
21:23
if you walk around the grocery store grumpy
21:25
and you won't talk to anybody
21:26
and you snarl at people people are gonna snarl back
21:29
and you you gotta kind of get out of that and be
21:33
you know reach out
21:34
give them a smile
21:36
because maybe they're having a bad day
21:38
and sometimes it's so hard for us to smile
21:41
and be happy about where we're at
21:43
but if you try it and you just keep doing it
21:46
you'll find it'll start snowballing
21:49
and you'll do it more often
21:50
and then your ocular melanoma keeps pushing to the back
21:54
and it doesn't consume your life so much anymore
21:58
yeah and on the flip side of that
22:00
when somebody offers you kindness
22:03
just accept it don't hem and haw over it and go
22:06
oh no
22:06
no no no
22:07
like just say thanks
22:08
because the more you put out
22:11
the more you get back like
22:12
you know we could talk about all of that kind of stuff
22:15
but if someone's offering you kindness
22:17
and you take it and then you give it
22:19
you're just you're being part of that cycle of goodness
22:23
so also don't
22:24
don't be afraid to say thank you and just take help
22:26
I was at Aldi the other day
22:28
and you guys know when you get a cart
22:29
you have to put a quarter in to get your cart
22:31
and then when you put the cart back
22:32
you get the quarter back well
22:34
I was walking out and I saw a lady walking in
22:36
and she didn't have any bags or a cart
22:38
and I asked her I said
22:39
do you need a cart and she said
22:40
oh yeah
22:40
and then she realized that I had a quarter in there
22:44
and she was like oh no no no
22:45
I can't take your quarter
22:46
and I was like no
22:47
please have it it's fine
22:49
we argued over this quarter
22:52
because she wouldn't take the cart
22:54
and I was like please
22:55
please take this cart I want to give it to you
22:57
it was a quarter like literally
23:00
I could have found it on the floor of my car
23:01
it's like not a big deal
23:03
but why why are we so resistant
23:06
just saying thank you and taking it
23:09
but we are
23:10
because we were most of us were raised with the
23:13
oh no no don't
23:14
don't take from others you know
23:16
be proud don't do that um
23:18
and I'm sure that I raised you the same way
23:21
oh no no
23:22
don't take from others and
23:23
and I think you just gotta kind of get out of that and
23:28
and take from others and give to others
23:30
it's like the Starbucks line how
23:32
how excited people get I see it on Facebook a lot
23:35
oh my gosh the person in front of me paid it
23:38
you know forward to me
23:39
and I paid it to the next person
23:41
and the line and it just keeps going down the line
23:44
and everybody gets all jazzed and excited about that
23:46
and you know of course
23:48
there are the people that have a two dollar order
23:51
and they get the person behind them
23:52
with a twenty dollar order
23:57
that's a chance you take that
23:59
that's true what I was gonna say though
24:01
is the Starbucks baristas do not enjoy it
24:04
when that happens so if what I would say
24:08
from feedback I've heard is
24:11
if you want to pay it forward
24:13
just tip the barista and go on with your day
24:16
because they it it
24:18
when you pay for the person behind you
24:19
it messes up their whole system
24:20
it gets all out of whack
24:22
and it really stresses them out and frustrates them
24:24
and then you're tipping the person behind them
24:26
that maybe is a lawyer or a doctor
24:28
or somebody who makes money
24:29
and they're sitting here going
24:30
I work at Starbucks just tip me
24:33
so I'm just gonna throw that out there as
24:35
as something else to do to pay it forward
24:37
maybe just tip the poor person working at Starbucks
24:41
but it's
24:41
it's funny how you can get excited about a gift
24:44
when you don't know
24:45
when you're not face to face with the person
24:48
yes when the person is in a car ahead of you
24:50
and drives away you can take it graciously
24:53
and you get all excited about it
24:55
but when you're face to face with that person
24:57
all of a sudden it's like nope
24:58
I can't take that nope
25:00
and and you can
25:01
and be give them the gift back
25:04
thank them and
25:06
you know give it back to them
25:08
I and I think that
25:10
especially in the world today
25:11
not trying to get all philosophy and all weird
25:14
but we need more of that
25:16
we need less introspection and more outgoing kindness
25:21
we if
25:22
the more we're constantly worried
25:23
about what's going on inside ourselves
25:26
the less we're giving
25:27
and I think the world needs a little bit more giving
25:29
and a less less worrying about our own selves
25:34
yeah and when people offer
25:36
they really do want to help
25:38
and they really do mean it
25:39
and it means a lot to them
25:40
when you accept it without bargaining and
25:44
you know trying to get the no
25:45
no no no
25:46
I don't need your help like
25:47
just if you just say wow
25:48
that is really appreciated
25:50
that means a lot to me you'll make their whole day
25:52
maybe their week yeah yeah
25:54
well you know when
25:55
when we do financial assistance usually
25:58
usually we get happy when we can help somebody
26:02
you know somebody puts in an application
26:05
we see they're struggling
26:06
we're able to help them pay their rent
26:07
pay their utility Bill give them some food
26:10
gas money whatever
26:12
it's usually a very joyous experience
26:15
you know it's when
26:16
you know
26:16
but we don't like it when we have to say no to somebody
26:19
that's always not good
26:21
but when people make donations to A Cure In Sight
26:25
they're passing it on you know
26:27
you give a donation to us $20 well
26:29
now we can just give that $20 to this person
26:32
to pay for their to help towards their grocery Bill
26:34
or their utility Bill or all these $20 add up
26:38
and now it's their rent is paid
26:41
you can be a part of a giving
26:43
a good giving chain to help people out
26:47
and it takes I know that
26:48
it takes a lot
26:49
for most people to fill out that application
26:52
most people will wait
26:54
they wait till their utilities are gonna be shut off
26:57
and then they call us in a panic
26:59
well cause they were too afraid to ask
27:03
and then they put themselves into a corner
27:08
and now it's gotten huge
27:09
and whenever you don't deal with something right away
27:13
it's just snowballs
27:14
and it becomes much bigger than it was
27:16
had you handled it in the beginning
27:18
and that works for everything
27:19
it works for ocular melanoma
27:21
works for your life in general
27:23
you gotta figure out a way to handle things
27:25
as they come so that you don't put them away
27:28
and they build and build and build
27:30
and then you're hit with this huge task
27:32
that you probably could have done better
27:35
if you would have dealt with it before
27:37
yeah for sure
27:39
and if anyone who's listening
27:42
if you do wanna make a donation
27:45
go to ACureInSight.org
27:47
there is a a place to do that
27:49
and yeah if you donate to A Cure In Sight
27:52
you know that that contribution
27:54
is going to help somebody
27:55
in the ocular melanoma community
27:57
and you're not going to aggravate the Starbucks workers
27:59
so I mean
28:00
I feel like it's a win win
28:02
and if you need assistance
28:05
also ACureInSight.org
28:07
um you can apply for assistance and um
28:11
we would love to help everybody
28:12
and just give to all the applicants
28:16
but we don't have that many funds
28:18
so we do have to kind of vet everyone
28:21
and make sure that only the most deserving get it
28:24
only because we don't have enough to
28:26
to help everybody
28:27
so if you're ever denied and you're frustrated by that
28:31
just understand
28:31
somebody is in a worse situation than you
28:34
and help us change it like
28:37
let's all fundraise you know
28:38
we've got a bunch of fundraisers coming up for um
28:41
in the fall
28:43
uh Giving Tuesday and Steps for Sight in January
28:46
so start a Facebook fundraiser on your own
28:49
join one of our fundraisers
28:51
and if we could get those funds up
28:53
we could help everybody
28:54
and not have to do the application
28:56
so we're not doing it because we want to be rude
28:57
we're doing it because
28:59
we only have a little bit of funds
29:00
and we have to be careful where it goes
29:04
and that's not why me why not me
29:05
why did I get turned down
29:07
why didn't I get it well
29:08
it's because we have to have cut off somewhere because
29:12
I mean if we had
29:13
you know
29:14
$500,000 a year just to give away
29:17
that'll be great
29:18
but we don't get that many donations to um
29:23
for that and
29:23
I think a lot of people think that
29:25
we don't need the money like we're
29:26
like we're doing well
29:27
because we do have a lot of programs
29:29
but a lot of them are
29:30
are sponsored by pharmaceutical companies
29:33
or they're free for us
29:35
but we have a very small staff we work with
29:38
and we just don't get the big donations
29:41
but you know
29:42
when somebody needs travel
29:44
or living expenses living expenses are huge
29:48
if they don't have any place to go home to
29:51
that's really tragic
29:52
they need help with their utilities and their
29:55
and their mortgage because if they're not working
29:57
what do they do Social Security did just fast track uveal
30:01
a melanoma for disability if you are metastatic
30:05
so that is a good thing
30:06
but not everybody qualifies right away
30:09
sometimes they have to apply a few times
30:11
before they get approved so it's it's
30:14
there's a whole there's
30:15
there's a whole world out there
30:17
of people that have problems
30:19
bigger than yours
30:21
or maybe as big as yours but the
30:24
the best thing you can do for yourself
30:27
is not make your problems bigger
30:30
don't make them bigger than they need to be
30:31
because I I mean
30:34
the amount of time I wasted thinking I was dying
30:37
you know and
30:37
and there was that song that was real popular
30:40
by Tim Mcgraw live like you're dying
30:42
I did not live like I was dying
30:44
I was dying to live and so what was happening is
30:48
I was shrinking myself and everything
30:49
and because I was so fixated on
30:52
I'm gonna die I'm gonna die
30:54
I'm gonna die I'm too young to die
30:56
and now here I am look at me
30:58
I'm you know
30:59
15 years later here I am
31:00
I'm I didn't die
31:01
and if I could go back
31:03
and take all that time that I wasted
31:06
dying
31:09
the things I could have done with
31:11
it would have been great
31:12
but I was too busy thinking I was dying
31:15
yeah and even if
31:17
even if you had died back then
31:19
you know god forbid
31:20
something had happened
31:21
whether it was cancer or getting hit by a bus
31:24
it all of that worrying
31:25
would it have made a difference
31:27
would it have helped
31:28
would it have done anything for you
31:30
no it would have
31:31
it what it
31:32
if I had died
31:33
it would have just robbed me of those few years I had
31:36
instead of being courageous
31:37
and going out and living a life
31:39
and doing all the things I always wanted to do
31:42
I didn't I got
31:43
I froze I
31:44
I was fixated and
31:46
I didn't get to do
31:47
any of the things that I wanted to do
31:50
so I was
31:51
doing the opposite of what I should have been doing
31:53
what I should have been doing was
31:55
was going out and living my life
31:57
for the years I had left instead
31:59
I did the opposite and I shrunk and I worried and I
32:03
I let it consume me and it was I
32:06
I wasted two or three years of my life honestly
32:12
yeah that's such a great takeaway
32:13
so if you're watching or listening
32:16
please subscribe and um
32:19
go check out our website ACureInSight.org
32:21
we have a lot of resources
32:23
there's a zoom group every Tuesday night
32:26
7PM Eastern and there's two rooms
32:29
a regular and a metastatic
32:30
there's also the Cure Companions program
32:33
where you can have a veteran buddy
32:35
teamed up with someone who's newer to the disease
32:38
so if you're that veteran
32:39
and maybe that's a way you could pay it forward
32:41
something that's free to do
32:43
let us know or if you need support
32:44
you can sign up to get a buddy
32:46
we have all kinds of resources on our website really
32:49
really tons of them so please go check it out
32:52
and if you need support I'm
32:53
if you I'm sure you can find something there
32:56
and if not email us
32:57
because we would love to be able to create
33:00
the thing that's missing for you
33:02
and maybe it's missing for some other patients
33:04
so let us know what that is
33:05
and we would love to make that
33:07
all right everyone
33:08
we will see you guys next week