Latest / The You Project / #2108 Can We Change the Way we Think? - Harps

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#2108 Can We Change the Way we Think? - Harps · The You Project

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Speaker 1: You know gag. I hope you're bloody amazing. It's jumbo,
0:04
Speaker 1: it's you project, it's I think I'm going to make
0:08
Speaker 1: this the last one in this little installment of coaching session.
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Speaker 1: I hope you've enjoyed them, got something out of them,
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Speaker 1: something useful, and maybe even more importantly, I hope you've
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Speaker 1: done something with the thing that you found useful. So
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Speaker 1: we spoke a lot over the last couple of days,
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Speaker 1: or the last couple of sessions, I should say, about
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Speaker 1: trying to understand, you know, the feedback that life is
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Speaker 1: giving us. What we what's my life telling me? What
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Speaker 1: are we going to do with that? Starts with awareness,
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Speaker 1: the acknowledgment, then a decision, and then some action and
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Speaker 1: some on which I think that's a good kind of
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Speaker 1: door to open for us. Then we spoke about the
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Speaker 1: idea of the quality of our questions relating or correlating
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Speaker 1: to the quality of our life, with thinking being that
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Speaker 1: when I ask myself for better question, I'm more likely
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Speaker 1: to gain a level of awareness that I didn't have
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Speaker 1: or couldn't have achieved without the question, because I start
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Speaker 1: to think about all the underlying stuff rather than just
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Speaker 1: looking at the outcomes. In isolation. So we absolutely know
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Speaker 1: that there is a relationship between the quality of the
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Speaker 1: questions that I ask and the outcomes that I produce
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Speaker 1: due to all those middle bits. You know. So I
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Speaker 1: ask a good question, then I'm more resourceful, more creative,
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Speaker 1: more solution focused. I tend to make better decisions. I
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Speaker 1: tend to do better things because I ask better questions.
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Speaker 1: I've got some clarity perspective, and so that is a
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Speaker 1: really good way to create shift. That is a really
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Speaker 1: good way to increase one's self awareness and also to
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Speaker 1: get a level of I guess, understanding and insight about us.
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Speaker 1: Why do I do these things? What is like? What
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Speaker 1: do I eat this way? What do I socialize this way?
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Speaker 1: Why do I respond or react that way? What is
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Speaker 1: what is the reason behind all of that? Not so
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Speaker 1: that we can self loathe or criticize, but so that
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Speaker 1: we can understand us more with the the premise of
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Speaker 1: much of what I teach and coach is about, well,
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Speaker 1: if I understand me better and secondly others better. But
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Speaker 1: if I start with me and I understand me better,
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Speaker 1: then I can self manage and self regulate and improve
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Speaker 1: my self awareness so that I don't stay what's the
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Speaker 1: word I'm going to say, stuck in that behavioral groove
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Speaker 1: or that ritual or that that habit that isn't particularly
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Speaker 1: helpful or healthy. We spoke a lot about how we
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Speaker 1: think and why we think the way that we do,
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Speaker 1: and our drivers, our motivators, our underlying reasons, which we
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Speaker 1: put that all into the category of what's my why,
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Speaker 1: What is the underlying thing that's driving me worseeeing me,
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Speaker 1: prompting me, forcing me, even though it's me to do
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Speaker 1: the stuff that I do, the good stuff and the
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Speaker 1: bad again, all about understanding. We spoke about understanding on
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Speaker 1: a metacognitive level, exactly why I do Oh because Mum,
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Speaker 1: because Dad, or this environment or school, or the media
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Speaker 1: and social media that I'm exposed to, the ideas and
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Speaker 1: philosophies and theology, and all of the things that I
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Speaker 1: have been exposed to and you have been exposed to
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Speaker 1: up until right now listening to this, all of those
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Speaker 1: things have contributed to your version of reality, your cognitive landscape,
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Speaker 1: your emotional landscape, your beliefs, your ideas, your ideologies, your philosophies,
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Speaker 1: your fears, your phobias, your values, everything that makes up
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Speaker 1: that internal cognitive and psychological, so brain stuff and then
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Speaker 1: the psychological stuff which is intertwined, and then stuff, and
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Speaker 1: under that would be the fear stuff and the overthinking
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Speaker 1: stuff and the self doubt stuff, all of those myriad
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Speaker 1: of factors internal we'll just call them the internal stuff
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Speaker 1: that influences, if not controls, how you see life, how
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Speaker 1: you respond to life, how you either become a passenger
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Speaker 1: in your own life. So you're not running the show.
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Speaker 1: You're like a character in a story, the you story
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Speaker 1: that you're not actually writing. So how do we become
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Speaker 1: the creator of our own journey, the creator of our
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Speaker 1: own destiny, the writer of our own story? All of
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Speaker 1: that stuff and more so, now that we cover the
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Speaker 1: kind of why do I think the way that I do?
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Speaker 1: Where did my reality come from? Where did my subjective
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Speaker 1: version of the world come from? I think the next
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Speaker 1: thing to think about is does it work? Does the
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Speaker 1: way that I we're talking broadly speaking, does my attitude
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Speaker 1: broadly speaking in relation to life and work and other
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Speaker 1: people and health and wellness? And does my outlook work?
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Speaker 1: Does my attitude work? Do my beliefs kind of support
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Speaker 1: me or sabotage me? Do they propel me up? Or
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Speaker 1: do they drag me down. So it's thinking about that,
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Speaker 1: and then what I want to talk about. First question
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Speaker 1: tonight I want to address is not why do I
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Speaker 1: think the way that we do, because we've done that,
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Speaker 1: but rather how can I change the way I think?
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Speaker 1: So I've prepared nothing other than the question, big surprise.
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Speaker 1: So if i'm meander, if I stop and start a little,
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Speaker 1: forgive me, because this is organic, real time coaching, without notes,
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Speaker 1: This is me thinking as I go. So if I
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Speaker 1: start with me as an example, there were a lot
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Speaker 1: of things that I used to think and believe and
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Speaker 1: accept as absolute truth that turned out not to be
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Speaker 1: absolute truth, that turned out not to be real, that
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Speaker 1: turned out not to be the best way to think,
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Speaker 1: not the best ideas for me, not the best plans
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Speaker 1: for me, and many of those I didn't really choose,
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Speaker 1: perhaps none of them, I guess generally, as I've said before,
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Speaker 1: these things kind of happen. The way that we think
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Speaker 1: is just a byproduct of stuff. It's a by product
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Speaker 1: of where we've been and what we've seen, and who's
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Speaker 1: been around us, and who we listen to, who we respect,
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Speaker 1: who we like, who we pay attention to. And this
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Speaker 1: could be real people in real time in the three
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Speaker 1: D dimension that is life, where you're bumping into them,
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Speaker 1: working with them, going to school with them, living with them,
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Speaker 1: hanging out with them, socializing with them. So there's that.
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Speaker 1: But then I think the better question, or the bigger
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Speaker 1: question that comes from that, is how can I change
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Speaker 1: the way I think? Because you can't just think think
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Speaker 1: yourself into different thinking. Right, So what I have done,
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Speaker 1: and what I've supported many other people in doing, is
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Speaker 1: a few things. And one is not because necessarily you
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Speaker 1: want to latch onto some new theory or idea or
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Speaker 1: operating system, but rather because you want to become more informed.
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Speaker 1: You want to understand a world bigger than your mind.
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Speaker 1: You want to understand a reality, or at least have
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Speaker 1: a peek into a reality that isn't yours. I wrote
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Speaker 1: something earlier about hang on, let me just turn around
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Speaker 1: some my whiteboard. No it's not, I wiped it off anyway,
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Speaker 1: I think I wrote. Yeah. The question that we should
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Speaker 1: all ask ourselves at something like this is could I
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Speaker 1: be wrong? Could I be wrong? Think about that? How
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Speaker 1: many of us go through life certain values and certain beliefs,
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Speaker 1: and certain ideas and ideals and things that we cognitively, psychologically, sociologically,
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Speaker 1: emotionally hold on to and we believe. I'm not saying
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Speaker 1: we shouldn't have belief, but do we ever think, oh,
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Speaker 1: could I be wrong? Or even in the middle of
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Speaker 1: an argument, when we're going at it with someone and
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Speaker 1: we know we're right, We know we're right, that's why
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Speaker 1: we're arguing because they're wrong. Of course they're wrong. Of
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Speaker 1: course we're right. How many times in the middle of
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Speaker 1: that do we truly and I mean there's no bullshit,
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Speaker 1: no bullshitting yourself, do we honestly think I wonder if
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Speaker 1: she's right and I'm wrong, like humbly, authentically consider the
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Speaker 1: real possibility that what's coming out of my mouth might
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Speaker 1: be flawed. It might be a bit wrong, it might
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Speaker 1: be totally wrong, it might be a complete untruth. I
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Speaker 1: think about how many times I've gotten things wrong, how
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Speaker 1: many mistakes I've made, how many beliefs I have that
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Speaker 1: turned out to be flawed beliefs, how many truths I
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Speaker 1: held onto that weren't truths, they were just my version
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Speaker 1: of the truth. This is one of the challenges with
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Speaker 1: being human is that we can simultaneously build and inhabit
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Speaker 1: a personal reality all the while thinking this is not
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Speaker 1: a personal reality. This is Capital thhe v universal reality.
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Speaker 1: So this is not Craig real, This is just real.
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Speaker 1: And so one of the ways that we begin to
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Speaker 1: change the way that we think is to begin to
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Speaker 1: consider the fact that, oh, there things that I think
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Speaker 1: might be wrong. Well, no, shit, Sherlock, of course they
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Speaker 1: fucking can do. You know why? Because you get things
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Speaker 1: wrong probably every day, you probably have for years and years,
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Speaker 1: not because you're bad or flawed or broken, because you're normal,
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Speaker 1: because you're a human and humans get shit wrong. I mean,
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Speaker 1: stud and learning and researching my ass off forever, I
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Speaker 1: still think I probably get just as many things wrong
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Speaker 1: as before I started the journey. Doesn't mean I don't
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Speaker 1: have more knowledge, doesn't mean I am not a bit
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Speaker 1: more educated, of course I am. But I'm still flawed,
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Speaker 1: I still have ego. I still want to be right sometimes,
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Speaker 1: although I'm aware of that wanting to be right, and
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Speaker 1: I try to mitigate that in real time. And so
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Speaker 1: being able to change the way that we think needs
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Speaker 1: to at some stage come with a recognition of the
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Speaker 1: way that I think might be flawed, or it might
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Speaker 1: be problematic, or my thoughts lead to paranoia, or my
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Speaker 1: thoughts lead to obsession or are overthinking, or a myriad
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Speaker 1: of other states that we don't want to be in.
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Speaker 1: Do they serve me my thoughts or do they sabotage me?
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Speaker 1: Do they get out of my way? Do they help
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Speaker 1: me get out of my own way? Or do they
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Speaker 1: get in my way? And so when we talk to
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Speaker 1: other people, we have conversations, and we don't have conversations
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Speaker 1: coming from the perspective of I want to tell them
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Speaker 1: what's right. I want to talk at them, not with them.
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Speaker 1: I want to talk with them. I actually want to
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Speaker 1: say less and listen more. Now that doesn't mean when
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Speaker 1: I open myself up to other concepts or ideas or
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Speaker 1: philosophies that I need to adhere to them or embrace
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Speaker 1: them or even like them. I can still consider someone
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Speaker 1: else's perspective and think that's dog shit. I can, and
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Speaker 1: I do sometimes. But sometimes I think A and someone
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Speaker 1: else thinks B, and I pull my ego in, and
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Speaker 1: I pull my head in, and I pull my shitty
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Speaker 1: self esteem in and I just go hmm, I wonder
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Speaker 1: if that's true, or I wonder if part of that's true.
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Speaker 1: And also having the awareness to realize that my my world,
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Speaker 1: the Craig world. Nobody lives in that. Nobody lives in
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Speaker 1: the Craig world. Nobody lives in the Craig mind. Thank God,
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Speaker 1: they all say, rejoicing. Nobody lives in my mind. Nobody
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Speaker 1: lives in my beliefs or values. We might overlap and
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Speaker 1: intersect a little bit, but nobody on the planet thinks
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Speaker 1: the way that I do consistently every day, just like
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Speaker 1: nobody does you. And so our challenges not to be right,
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Speaker 1: but I guess in a cheesy way righteous where we're like, oh,
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Speaker 1: I'm okay with being wrong. I'm okay with being flawed.
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Speaker 1: And if I'm not okay, then I'm trapped in ego
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Speaker 1: because I am wrong, i am flawed. I'm also right
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Speaker 1: at times. I'm also perfect or close too at times.
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Speaker 1: I'm also brilliant at times. I'm also funny and creative
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Speaker 1: and lovable and likable and generous and empathetic. I'm all
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Speaker 1: of those things, and sometimes I'm a fuck with This
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Speaker 1: is the human experience where we try not to win
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Speaker 1: an argument and the moment that we are concrete or
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Speaker 1: fixed in our thinking. Okay, this is how the world works.
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Speaker 1: According to me, and everyone who doesn't align with how
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Speaker 1: I think the world works, they're wrong. And so what
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Speaker 1: do I do? I only pay attention to people who
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Speaker 1: resonate with my thinking, to people who resonate with my
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Speaker 1: beliefs and ideals. In other words, I only resonate with
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Speaker 1: people who are essentially a version of me. Wow, fuck,
13:34
Speaker 1: be drunk. That's a massive exercise in ego. Sorry about
13:38
Speaker 1: that little swear bit there, everybody. That was a bit
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Speaker 1: too craigish, wasn't. It's how I talk, It's that's an
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Speaker 1: exercise in ego and insecurity. Ah, I need people to
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Speaker 1: think like me, because if I'm wrong. See, here's the thing.
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Speaker 1: When we find out maybe you've been believing or thinking
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Speaker 1: something for twenty years, so your sense of self and
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Speaker 1: your self esteem and your self worth, and your certainty
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Speaker 1: and your comfort and your predictability is all tied in
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Speaker 1: to that thing being right. Now, if all of a sudden,
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Speaker 1: that thing you believe for twenty five years, or thought
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Speaker 1: for twenty five years, or five years, for that matter
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Speaker 1: of fact, if all of a sudden you somehow discover, hey,
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Speaker 1: that's actually not true. Not only is it kind of
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Speaker 1: not true, it's completely fucking untrue. For many of us.
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Speaker 1: That is a huge source of stress and distress. So
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Speaker 1: let's maybe fall in love with learning. Let's maybe fall
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Speaker 1: in love with being less attached to our stuff. Let's
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Speaker 1: not look for our identity in our thoughts or in
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Speaker 1: our certainty about the way things are. And of course
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Speaker 1: we're still going to have guiding principles I do and values, sure,
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Speaker 1: and I have certain ideas and beliefs, and some of
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Speaker 1: those beliefs are pretty strong. But I know there's nothing
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Speaker 1: that I can as I'm talking to you right now
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Speaker 1: at nine nineteen on Monday, the sixteenth of sixteenth of
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Speaker 1: the second February, definitely not November. There's nothing that I
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Speaker 1: can think of right now just in terms of general
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Speaker 1: beliefs and ideas and that I'm positive I'm right about positive.
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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm pretty sure. But I've been pretty sure
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Speaker 1: about a lot of things. So I don't think we
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Speaker 1: should be riddled with doubt. I think we should be
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Speaker 1: riddled with awareness and humility, and to try to recognize
15:39
Speaker 1: the thought patterns or the ideas, or the standards that
15:43
Speaker 1: we put in place, or the rules that we create,
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Speaker 1: or the psychological emotional behavior rituals that we create, identify them,
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Speaker 1: write them down, and say this is me getting in
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Speaker 1: my own way, and then consciously, creatively and intentionally think
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Speaker 1: about Okay, so instead of this thought or this idea
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Speaker 1: or this principle or this behavior, what's an option? What's
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Speaker 1: an option? And I've used this too many times, but
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Speaker 1: I'll just use it because it's clear and it's relatable.
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Speaker 1: So I grew up, as you know, in a religious
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Speaker 1: house and continued on a religious journey for quite a while,
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Speaker 1: jumping in and out of different things and reading lots
16:33
Speaker 1: and sitting in front of lots of in inverted commas teachers,
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Speaker 1: some of them good, some of them shit. I got
16:38
Speaker 1: taught good things, I got taught bad things. I got programmed,
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Speaker 1: as does everybody who belongs to a group. We're all
16:46
Speaker 1: getting programmed. Don't think it's just religious people. And like
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Speaker 1: many people, I wanted to believe because I wanted to belong.
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Speaker 1: I wanted to believe because I wanted to be part
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Speaker 1: of something bigger than me. But the truth is the
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Speaker 1: objective truth, not the Craig subjective truth is. The objective
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Speaker 1: truth is that some of the people that I trusted
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Speaker 1: weren't trustworthy. Some of the things I were taught were
17:14
Speaker 1: untrue or misleading. So when I expose myself now to
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Speaker 1: new ideas and new thinking and new people and new conversations,
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Speaker 1: then I'm opening a new cognitive, psychological, and emotional door.
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Speaker 1: And when I hear about somebody coming up with, let's say,
17:34
Speaker 1: and eating and eating philosophy or ideology that is not mine.
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Speaker 1: And of course initially I'm resistant because I've been talking
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Speaker 1: about food my whole life, thinking about food my whole life,
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Speaker 1: teaching others, writing programs and not diets, but writing overall
17:52
Speaker 1: programs for people where we talk about diet and all
17:54
Speaker 1: of these things. And guess what, I know everything. I
17:57
Speaker 1: know everything because I've been doing this since I was haden,
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Speaker 1: which was four four years ago. So I fucking know.
18:01
Speaker 1: Guess what, Champ, Guess what, Jumbo, Guess what? Fatty Harps.
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Speaker 1: You don't fucking know. You just think you know. There
18:08
Speaker 1: are some things that he writes on. There are some
18:10
Speaker 1: things you're kind of right but not quite, and some
18:13
Speaker 1: things you're totally incorrect about, and that is okay. I
18:18
Speaker 1: think it's our okayness with being wrong that is the
18:24
Speaker 1: real breakthrough. Sometimes the challenge is not to learn. Sometimes
18:32
Speaker 1: the challenge is to unlearn. Because you have learned and
18:36
Speaker 1: I have learned, and I put that word in inverted
18:39
Speaker 1: commas with an asterisk. You and I have learned things
18:44
Speaker 1: that are actually the problem because the things that we
18:46
Speaker 1: learned were flawed, the things that we believed were not
18:50
Speaker 1: wholly correct, the things that we believed right were problematic.
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Speaker 1: And then when we believe something emphatically, then we rap emotion.
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Speaker 1: That's a dangerous thing, it's a human thing, but we
19:03
Speaker 1: wrap emotion around that belief, and then down the track
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Speaker 1: that emotion grows, that belief in that idea grows, that
19:11
Speaker 1: devotion to that thing grows, and now there is no
19:15
Speaker 1: difference between who we are and the things that we
19:17
Speaker 1: think we are, the things that we think our beliefs
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Speaker 1: tell you who we are. Oh, tell me about you.
19:25
Speaker 1: I am a Buddhist. Tell me about you. I'm a Christian,
19:28
Speaker 1: I'm a vegetarian, I'm a this. We don't talk about ourselves.
19:33
Speaker 1: We talk about the things that we do. Oh well,
19:36
Speaker 1: you eat vegetables. Oh well, you go to church. Oh
19:39
Speaker 1: you build houses. But that's not who at your core
19:46
Speaker 1: you are. That's your job, that's your interest. That's what
19:50
Speaker 1: you think about, that's where you go. They're the people
19:52
Speaker 1: you hang out with. So this is where we kind
19:55
Speaker 1: of and if I'm rambling there turn off. But anyway,
19:58
Speaker 1: I love this shit. Then we start to get to
20:01
Speaker 1: the well, who am I beyond the things I'm not?
20:05
Speaker 1: Because I'm not a job, I'm not a body even
20:09
Speaker 1: I'm not a weight. I'm not a size, I'm not
20:11
Speaker 1: a number. I'm not an outfit. I'm not a face.
20:14
Speaker 1: I'm not a pair of biceps. I'm not a bank balance.
20:17
Speaker 1: I'm not a review on Google. I'm not someone's opinion.
20:24
Speaker 1: And when we start to discount the things that we're not,
20:28
Speaker 1: but the places we ironically look to see who we are.
20:32
Speaker 1: I want people to respect me as a whatever, as
20:35
Speaker 1: a builder, as a master builder, as a very fucking
20:38
Speaker 1: good podcast, as an academic. Because I'm smart. I want this.
20:42
Speaker 1: I want that. It's all insecure bullshit, because I am
20:45
Speaker 1: what I am. I am who I am, and what
20:48
Speaker 1: people think of me doesn't change who I am. This
20:54
Speaker 1: is very easily said Craig Harper. I understand, do I
20:58
Speaker 1: ever worry about what people think think of me? Truthfully,
21:02
Speaker 1: not often, but ever, of course I do did, I
21:06
Speaker 1: used to oh all the fucking time. I was so
21:09
Speaker 1: obsessed and so insecure about what people thought of me.
21:13
Speaker 1: I was constantly looking for approval from people who not
21:17
Speaker 1: only don't they love me, they fucking want me to fail.
21:21
Speaker 1: They take joy in my mishaps and yours. And that's
21:26
Speaker 1: not nice. It's not nice, but it's real. There's lots
21:30
Speaker 1: of things that are real in life, lots of situations
21:32
Speaker 1: and lots of parts of the human condition which are
21:35
Speaker 1: kind of fucking ugly, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't
21:37
Speaker 1: talk about it. Some people want you to win no
21:40
Speaker 1: matter what. Some people are all team you, no matter what,
21:44
Speaker 1: and that's lovely and that's beautiful. Guess what, it's not
21:47
Speaker 1: very common. What's far more common is people who kind
21:51
Speaker 1: of resent you when you do well. And so it's
21:54
Speaker 1: in our interest to understand all of this without feeling
21:58
Speaker 1: happy or sad about it. Hard, I know, but to
22:02
Speaker 1: understand all this is how the world works, not every person,
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Speaker 1: not every time. And so when I start to intersect
22:09
Speaker 1: with new people, open myself to new ideas, new cultures,
22:14
Speaker 1: new thinking, new information. When I start to look at
22:17
Speaker 1: research that doesn't support what I already believe and think, oh,
22:22
Speaker 1: that can't be the best way to train, because I've
22:24
Speaker 1: been training for nearly fifty years and I know, so
22:26
Speaker 1: don't fucking come with me. You're twenty two year old
22:29
Speaker 1: with your bit of science. Fuck you and fuck your science. Right,
22:32
Speaker 1: that's bullshit. That's me. I'm the problem. I'm not saying
22:35
Speaker 1: I need to believe them or believe their science, but
22:38
Speaker 1: maybe it's worth considering them, listening to them, reading the research,
22:43
Speaker 1: seeing how it's done, seeing what the outcome was, because
22:46
Speaker 1: maybe I'm going to unlearn and relearn because maybe I
22:50
Speaker 1: got it wrong. Can we get something wrong fifty years course?
22:56
Speaker 1: Of course? So how do we change the way we think? Well, firstly,
23:01
Speaker 1: we don't assume we're right. We assume we could be right,
23:05
Speaker 1: and we don't confuse my opinion for my facts. A
23:11
Speaker 1: lot of the things that we call truth or fact
23:14
Speaker 1: or absolute, they're not. They're your version of facts, they're
23:21
Speaker 1: my version of the truth. And so when we stop
23:26
Speaker 1: believing that what we think and our worldview is the worldview,
23:32
Speaker 1: our belief is the truth, it is the one path.
23:38
Speaker 1: And I don't want to bang on, but again, just
23:40
Speaker 1: to convenient example, when we think about all of the
23:43
Speaker 1: different religions in the world, big and small, there's over
23:48
Speaker 1: four thousand. There's probably a lot more, but that we
23:51
Speaker 1: kind of know of. There's about four thousand. And essentially, essentially,
23:56
Speaker 1: every religion thinks they're the right religion. Everythink's every religion
24:00
Speaker 1: thinks the other religions are wrong. Ergo they exist, We exist.
24:06
Speaker 1: We believe that this group got it wrong for these reasons,
24:09
Speaker 1: and that group got it wrong for that reason. And
24:11
Speaker 1: by the way, we have a hot line to God. No,
24:17
Speaker 1: they think they have a hot line to God. Maybe
24:20
Speaker 1: they do. I don't know, but is there any evidence.
24:24
Speaker 1: Now I know that belief is about faith. I get that.
24:27
Speaker 1: But faith, as we've discussed on this show before, faith
24:30
Speaker 1: is believing in something you can't prove, which is why
24:33
Speaker 1: it's not called knowledge. It's called belief, which is why
24:37
Speaker 1: it's not called knowledge. It's called faith. I can have faith.
24:41
Speaker 1: I can believe there's a God. I can believe that
24:43
Speaker 1: the Bible's true or partly true. I can believe that
24:46
Speaker 1: God heals. I can believe all these things. But also,
24:49
Speaker 1: and this is where people recoil. Believers recoil because they
24:54
Speaker 1: don't want to think that possibly it's not true, or
24:56
Speaker 1: some of it's not true, because who they are is
24:59
Speaker 1: so into twined with being right about that book or
25:03
Speaker 1: that theology or this book or that sacred text or whatever,
25:08
Speaker 1: that they have lost the ability to think anything else
25:13
Speaker 1: or to be open to anything else, which is the
25:15
Speaker 1: opposite of what we claim to be. What do we
25:18
Speaker 1: claim to be? Most people open minded? Put up your hand.
25:22
Speaker 1: If you think your open mind that I ask a
25:24
Speaker 1: room of one hundred people, one hundred hands go up.
25:27
Speaker 1: Put up your hand. If you think you're for the
25:29
Speaker 1: most part objective, one hundred hands go up. Right. Because
25:34
Speaker 1: we like to see ourselves not as closed minded, but
25:38
Speaker 1: we are closed minded as fuck about many things. Because
25:44
Speaker 1: if I am wrong, then I am uncertain. Now. I
25:47
Speaker 1: hate uncertainty. It scares me. I like certainty, So this
25:51
Speaker 1: is certain I like predictability. And guess what, as soon
25:56
Speaker 1: as we open that door, if I could be wrong while
25:58
Speaker 1: there's of predictability, we like comfort, Well, that makes me uncomfortable.
26:03
Speaker 1: Fuck that idea. I'm right. Oh yeah, I'm right. We're right.
26:06
Speaker 1: Our groups right, our church, out theology, our doctrine, our
26:10
Speaker 1: whatever is right. Now. I'm not challenging any particular group,
26:14
Speaker 1: I'm talking about how the fuck we think This is
26:20
Speaker 1: a matter of thinking, Yes, you can have faith and belief,
26:24
Speaker 1: and yes, you know. Will I get things wrong in
26:28
Speaker 1: this podcast? Even as I'm talking, I recognize that I'm
26:32
Speaker 1: probably not doing the best job of what I'm trying
26:34
Speaker 1: to share. I recognize that I recognize every day that
26:38
Speaker 1: I'm not the best podcast on the planet or in
26:40
Speaker 1: the top one hundred. Probably. I realize that I'm flawed.
26:44
Speaker 1: I realize that, you know, I do so many things wrong.
26:46
Speaker 1: Guess what, That's okay, because that's not going to stop.
26:49
Speaker 1: Will I get things wrong in the future, Yes, will
26:51
Speaker 1: you get things wrong in the future. Yes. If I
26:55
Speaker 1: wait till I have no flaws, no faults, and I
26:57
Speaker 1: know everything and I'm certain and I'm right about everything, well,
27:01
Speaker 1: I will never fucking start doing anything. I will never
27:03
Speaker 1: help anyone, coach anyone. I will never think out loud,
27:07
Speaker 1: because that is an impossibility, that perfection is an impossibility,
27:11
Speaker 1: that knowing all is an impossibility. Having an absolute revelation
27:17
Speaker 1: to yourself that nobody has like only you know this,
27:21
Speaker 1: everyone else who doesn't agree with you, or maybe other
27:24
Speaker 1: people agree with you, so we listen to them again.
27:27
Speaker 1: Confirmation bias. But if they don't align with us, they're
27:31
Speaker 1: the enemy. So we change the way that we think
27:37
Speaker 1: when it needs to be changed. Maybe we don't need
27:39
Speaker 1: to change the way we think about many things. Probably not.
27:43
Speaker 1: But there might be a couple of beliefs or ideas
27:46
Speaker 1: or programmed kind of operating systems that you didn't choose
27:53
Speaker 1: that are a byproduct of where you've been and who
27:55
Speaker 1: you've been with, and what you've heard and what you've
27:57
Speaker 1: read and what you've been exposed to, and now they
28:00
Speaker 1: form unconsciously part of how you do and how you are,
28:04
Speaker 1: and how you think and how you operate in the world.
28:06
Speaker 1: And you have limiting beliefs that you never chose, You
28:10
Speaker 1: have limiting ideas that you never chose. They just arose
28:14
Speaker 1: in you over time as a byproduct of what I
28:18
Speaker 1: call social osmosis, where you just get that from other
28:22
Speaker 1: people and are really easy to understand. Example is how
28:26
Speaker 1: many kids that barrack for Collingwood or Carlton or Richmond
28:29
Speaker 1: or whoever these are teams in the AFL Australian Football League.
28:32
Speaker 1: For my overseas listeners, they believe for a certain team
28:36
Speaker 1: because mum did or Dad did or both. And so
28:39
Speaker 1: in our family, we know Collingwood's the best team and
28:42
Speaker 1: Carlton a shit. And if you think I'm joking about that,
28:48
Speaker 1: they absolutely believe that to the point where they hate
28:52
Speaker 1: other teams. I'm not talking pretend to hate, No, they
28:55
Speaker 1: fucking hate them right now. I understand the emotion of
28:59
Speaker 1: being a supporter and a fan and involved in I
29:01
Speaker 1: get all of that, But we can extrapolate that kind
29:05
Speaker 1: of religious fervor and that kind of over the top
29:10
Speaker 1: absoluteness of thinking to a lot of things beyond religion
29:14
Speaker 1: and beyond sport. So how do I finish this? I
29:23
Speaker 1: feel like a good place to start is just to
29:27
Speaker 1: go gently, don't beat yourself up, but just quietly and
29:32
Speaker 1: courageously think about some of the things that you're scared
29:39
Speaker 1: to even question that belief. Because if you're right, you'll
29:46
Speaker 1: come back to the same place and you might discover
29:50
Speaker 1: you're exactly right, You've been right all along, and that's well,
29:53
Speaker 1: that's a great outcome. But what if you are holding
29:57
Speaker 1: onto something that isn't the truth. What if you're holding
30:01
Speaker 1: on to the story that you're not good enough, smart enough,
30:04
Speaker 1: talented enough, something enough to do something that you actually
30:09
Speaker 1: can do like you have the potential to do it.
30:14
Speaker 1: But your story is your belief is your thinking is ah,
30:18
Speaker 1: I could never do that. We actually could, but it
30:21
Speaker 1: just scares the shit out of you. But if your
30:24
Speaker 1: story is, well, I just don't have that talent or
30:27
Speaker 1: that potential, then it makes a lot of sense that
30:30
Speaker 1: you don't try because you don't have that ability. What
30:34
Speaker 1: if you're not trying has got nothing to do with
30:37
Speaker 1: your ability or potential or capacity, and everything to do
30:41
Speaker 1: with fear, everything to do with your self limiting thinking.
30:48
Speaker 1: All right, team, food for thought, See you next time.