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The Unexpected Power of Leadership in First Responder Mental Health — Conrad Weaver · Dispatched & Dysfunctional

• Conrad Weaver: No, we're good. We're good. Yep. Chris: Let's see. I think it's working. Yeah, it's working. All right. Welcome back to this special dysfunctional. ⁓ we're live today. So if Internet decides to break, Facebook X Drunk or Riversides decides to test my fucking will to live today, we're just gonna call it part of the show. So anyway, today's guest is Conrad Weaver. ⁓ Conrad has many titles. ⁓ he's connected to the PTSD nine one one. He's the host of the First Responder Wellness Podcast. ⁓ he's involved in leadership training, storytelling, and first responder wellness. Man's a great Conrad Weaver: Yeah. Chris: asset to all of us in the field. ⁓ but I don't want to just start there. So because the titles are easy, bios are, you know, usually bullshit and polished and resumes make everybody sound like they're better than everybody else. ⁓ let's start before all that. Conrad, who are you and what made this conversation worth saying yes to today? Conrad Weaver: Mm-hmm. Yeah, so that's a great question. I'm I'm a husband, I'm a dad, I'm a grandfather now. Yeah, I got three granddaughters and one that's gonna be born, another one that's gonna be born like maybe today. So she's she's actually due today, so so it'll be the fourth granddaughter. So yeah, so yeah, I'm I'm an older dude. I don't call me an old old guy, but I'm an older dude. So Chris: ⁓ wow, congratulations. ⁓ wow. Yeah. Conrad Weaver: I I I refuse to ac accept that I'm getting old. So ⁓ but yeah, I've been ⁓ I've been around for a few years and ⁓ you know, I started my life out in ⁓ the school in the area of psychology, have a degree in psychology, worked in a psychiatric hospital for three and a half years when when I was young and dumb, and ⁓ learned a lot there. And then the windy path that life does, I you know, windy path ended up in the in the film industry telling stories. And so for the past ⁓ 10 or 15 years I've been working on documentary films. And ⁓ some of my early films kind of go back to my roots. I grew up on a dairy farm in Ohio. So, you know, that hardworking lifestyle of that. And so farming has been in my blood. So my very first documentary that actually I got the the Emmy on the shelf back here for is ⁓ is called The Great American Wheat Harvest. And we followed the custom harvesters from Texas to Montana and told that story. And ⁓ it it aired on PBS and folks on local networks on PBS and so they were kind enough to give me an Emmy award for it. So so after that first film, I was like, I'm pretty good at this. I got an Emmy. Well, I find out that, you know, a lot of people can win Emmys for a little bit of nothing. And so but, you know it it ⁓ it it was nice to have it on the shelf, but that really launched my my filmmaking career. And then I made a film about ⁓ the drought in the American West, spent a lot of time in California and states that had, you know, no n that have no water or water challenges. And both of those films took me away from home for weeks at a time to create them and all that. And so I started looking for something closer to home and the opioid crisis kind of came to bear here in our local community. And I partnered up with a local mom whose son had been kinda in the middle of all that and we produced a film called Heroine's Grip. And so as a part of that, I was invited to do ride-alongs, ride-alongs with law enforcement, with Fire and EMS, ⁓ to kind of learn their perspective on the opioid crisis. And that really opened up a whole new world to me, ⁓ in the areas of first responders. And and but going back, you know, I I always like to tell this story. I So my grandmother lived in a rural part of Ohio and I would go work on the dairy farm, on her farm, on on grandpa's farm every summer. And on her shelf in her little reading room, she had a little device that squeaked and squawked and had tones and all this stuff. It was a scanner. She had the scanner on like 247. She wasn't the first responder, wasn't connected. I think she just wanted to know what's going on in the community. And so I grew up Chris: ⁓ okay. Nozy know. Conrad Weaver: Yeah, I just grew up hearing that and hearing the tones and hearing the calls and all the stuff. So that's kind of been my backstory, you know, is how I got into first responder space. It it's my grandma's fault. So and I also blame her for introducing me to coffee. So ⁓ you know absolutely, absolutely. And God rest her soul. ⁓ but yeah, that's kind of how I got into the first responder space. Then obviously the documentaries, ⁓ you know, heroin's grip. Chris: Co coffee's a good thing. We all need coffee. You can't cover that Conrad Weaver: You know, doing ride alongs showed me some of the challenges that first responders face me face. And it was on one of those ride-alongs when I was with the police officer, we were called to a fatal overdose and something that all of you guys have seen. And you go to a scene, it's chaotic, it's, you know, people screaming and, you know, all the stuff. And I was like, Whew, trying to get get the stuff out of my bro. What what did I just see and experience? You know? And I looked around and the first responders on the scene were like, It's just Tuesday. You know. Yeah, another day. And so I talked to the officer I was with and I said, Hey, d do you guys have like problems with PTS, PTSD? And she was like, ⁓ man, if you only knew if you only knew the half of it. And Chris: Yeah. What's that? Yeah. Exactly. It it's funny that you said it that way too, is because, you know, we all joke about it, we all laugh about it, and in the end that's what made me stop my career I had offshore to come back onshore was PTSD and I didn't realize it. Conrad Weaver: Hmm. Yeah, yeah. And then she said a a line that forever really changed the future of my life. And that was, if you want to make a movie about that, I'll do anything I can to help you. And what we didn't realize that day was that she would become one of the main characters in the film PTSD nine ⁓ one. Chris: ⁓ that's awesome. That's awesome. You know, that's Conrad Weaver: So that's where that that's where the PTSE nine one film originated from. And that was in 2017. And we really went full on in 2019. Of course, then COVID happened and and we s we started working on the film. Actually, well, we we did all the interviews, all the early interviews were all done via Zoom. And just because we wanted to create kind of a teaser so that we could raise money to help, because we got these things cost money to make. So Chris: ⁓ wow. Conrad Weaver: We just recorded interviews on Zoom, knowing we would never use those like in the final product. and so we took those Zoom interviews, patched it together with some ⁓ some B roll footage I had and made a trailer and were able to raise a little bit of money for it. And then in twenty twenty twenty one, when we started could travel again, I started going across the country and we we filmed it then twenty one, twenty two. Chris: That's that's awesome. That's especially knowing that you did it that way, that's that that's something that a lot of people don't really get to see. ⁓ it you actually got to see the the front lines that we are that we deal with and understand, you know, what we've seen 'cause you actually went to the calls. ⁓ and you know, and and that's just something that to me a lot of these podcasts that I've listened to and Conrad Weaver: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Chris: watched or whatever you want to call it, you know, they don't quite grasp it the way that with your psychology background, plus you being able to see it and understand it what we're going through and then trying to be an advocate for us by creating a film for God's sakes. You know, that's that's awesome. You know, that that that speaks value Conrad Weaver: Mm-hmm. Yeah, thank you. It it's it's really an honor and a privilege. I mean, you guys serve our communities sacrificially. I mean, I've seen you know, our little town in Emletsburg where I lived for twenty years, the home of the National Fire Academy, National Emergency Training Center, we had a volunteer fire department. And I think the EMS was was like staffed, you know, full time, but the fire side was was all volunteer. And, you know, in our little town the siren would go off. You know, years ago that was the way they called everybody to the station for a fire. Well, now they don't need that, but they still blow the whistle, you know. And so and and and some people don't like it, but you know, it's part of the culture. And the siren goes off at two thirty in the morning and these guys and gals in the local community are jumping out of bed and running to the firehouse, make a call. You know, and so I have deep respect for you guys and for, you know, When you're sitting down for Easter lunch, Easter dinner and the calls to tones go off and you're running to the firehouse to make a call, you know, 'cause someone did something stupid, you know, and and you just make those sacrifices and you do it willingly without grumbling mostly. And you know, and you just Well, when I'm around y there wasn't a whole lot of grumbling going on, but you know. Chris: Grumble, I promise, we grumble. Especially if you wake up at two o'clock in the morning, we we kinda grumble. We will be there and we will do what we gotta do. Conrad Weaver: Absolutely. And that's why that's why I appreciate you guys. You know, you you will be there. I mean, there was a day when I was this was when we were still living up in Emmitsburg and my son was still at home. He was in high school and I was doing a workout in the morning and I hadn't hydrated. Speaking of hydration, you know right here. And ⁓ I started getting lightheaded and I almost passed out and I was like, Spencer, you probably need to call nine one. Chris: Yeah. Conrad Weaver: In in walk the guys, I know ⁓ They're like, Conrad, what did you do? I I don't know. They hauled me off to the hospital. They did a whole, you know, all the stuff from my heart. You know, that was all fine. It was like, ⁓ you just need to drink water. And so, you know, they so they showed up for my emergency. You know, and I appreciate that. You know, I called nine one one, they were they were like, We'll be right there, you know. And fortunately I lived, you know, three blocks from the firehouse, so it was a pretty quick response. And ⁓ Chris: Why are we here today? Exactly. Conrad Weaver: But, you know, I have so so much respect for first responders. ⁓ and not only, you know, fire and EMS, but law enforcement. And of course these days how law enforcement is treated around the country and and the challenges that they face, you know, the the real genuine opposition, the people hate them and all the stuff, you know, it's like ⁓ so so you know so much respect for anyone who wears the badge and responds to community to keep our communities healthy and safe. Chris: That's and that's awesome. You know, ⁓ it's ⁓ that's one thing that like like I said, we we do grumble and and just if anyone's listening that's you know a public official or public person that isn't in first response, we we may sound angry, we're not. We're tired and just gotta get up, you know. ⁓ that's the easier way to put it. Conrad Weaver: Sleep deprived, right? Yeah. Yeah. Chris: But i it is, you know, it is what it is and I love it. I've loved it for now for yeah, ten years. and I can't say that this is anything that ever gets old or can't expect to see what this what I'm gonna see when I get there, you know. Conrad Weaver: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Chris: And like, you know, the thing that gets me too is we all ⁓ it your you said on your forum, you know, everything rises and falls on leadership. And we start at the bottom and we build up. And and I think here in EMS fire law enforcement dispatch, which I can never do, ⁓ healthcare, you know, i it it explains everything there. And we've all seen that. We've seen the bad systems, we've seen the bad leaders, you know, the good crews. And departments just saying they care about wellness and well being when they don't give a shit. Here's a pizza party. and I'm sure you've dealt with that before too, while you're doing this. but w when you say everything rises and falls is on leadership, what what h what have you seen that made that more than just a quote to you? Conrad Weaver: Mm-hmm. Yeah. So that that's a quote by John Maxwell. He's one of the world's leading experts on leadership. He's written more leadership books than anybody. And ⁓ and full disclosure, I'm I'm a part of his team. I've I'm being certified under the Maxwell name and going through his courses and all that stuff. But that comes out of my travels. I've been to 32 states and about 90 cities in the past three and a half years with my film. And Chris: Это вот. Conrad Weaver: Everywhere I go, without exception, the number one issue I hear over and over again is leadership. Is you know toxic leadership. Leadership doesn't understand. Leadership doesn't care. ⁓ if they they they may say they care, they throw the pizza party, but they they really they're like, ⁓ go see EAP. Most 99% of people, ⁓ you know, F EAP. We don't want them, you know. ⁓ in some places, EAP is great. No doubt. A lot of places it's not something that anybody wants to do. And so I've coined a new phrase that says, wellness begins with leadership. If you want healthy people in your organization, you got to start with healthy leaders. And leaders, and that means, okay, and I'm not talking leadership and knowing how to do the stuff. You guys know how to do the stuff. You know how to. Do whatever you do as a medic. You know how to put IVs in, you know how to, you know, put a tourniquet on, you know how to extract somebody out of a mangled car. You know how to do all that kind of stuff. But when it comes to leadership skills, I'm talking about interpersonal relationships. I'm talking about just being a good human being and taking care of your people. You know, Simon Sinek says that leadership isn't about being in charge. Leadership is about taking care of those in your charge. Chris: I love that. Conrad Weaver: And that statement to me is is is all that matters. I mean, if you are as a leader in your organization, you are responsible to take care of the people who are taking care of the business. And that's what one thing I loved about about Richard Branson, the big multi-billionaire entrepreneur out of out of England who tries stuff and and ⁓ he you know he's his motto in his companies has always been. I'm going to take care of my people. That's my number one priority to take care of my employees. Because if I take care of my employees, they're going to take care of my customers. And it's the same thing in the first responder space. If a chief, a battalion chief, an assistant chief, a you know, a commander, whatever your title is, that doesn't matter. If you are taking care of your people, then they will take care of the customer. They will take care. And it comes down to the rookie can be a leader. Because leadership is influence. And if and I I love what ⁓ I think Jock O'Willen says on a on a podcast about the about the SEALs. Someone asked him about how what does it take to get through BUDS, the toughest, you know, training program in the world. He goes, It's not the jock. That can run, you know, like crazy, who has the big muscles that gets through buds and passes. The people who get through buds and make it into the SEAL program are the people who realize that my job is to take care of the person on my left and to take care of the person on my right. And that is that's a leader. That's leadership. And if we can teach people to do that, then we'll have healthier organizations. You know, the number one and number two stressors that the National FOP Fraternal Order of Police set has a survey out, and they say the number one and number two stressors for law enforcement, and I think it's number one and number two for all of first responders, is organizational and leadership. If those are your two top stressors, why are we putting all our eggs in the wellness basket? Why don't we focus on leadership and teach our leaders to be better? Because then the wellness will come. Chris: Makes it. I think honestly on that note is it's probably more of a and I hate to say it this way, but that's more of a PR stunt for a bunch of the higher ups to act like they give a damn. ⁓ I've been witness to it a few times to where, yeah, the wellness program's there, but if you use it, you're punished. You know, you have a mental illness, we can't let you work anymore. Conrad Weaver: Yeah. Yeah. Chris: And that's kind of a I I guess it's a double edged sword in the end on that because, you know, if you tell your boss, hey, I'm struggling with my own mental health or something, they're like, Okay, well you can't treat patients, let's get you somewhere, you know, and you're not gonna be paid for this time. It's kinda bullshit, but at the same time it makes sense, you know. Conrad Weaver: Yeah. It's totally bullshit. Because here's the deal here's the deal. If you have a if you have a system, if you have an organization that that's how they handle it, then guess what? You're not gonna say anything, right? And when you're not saying anything, you're going out there, you're treating patients not well. Chris: Exactly. Conrad Weaver: You know, and if you're in law enforcement, you're carrying a gun. I mean, stuff ends up on the evening news because organizations haven't taken care of their people. You know, you I I c I contend that this can be controversial. I contend that the George Floyd incident wouldn't have happened if that officer would have been healthy. Chris: I can agree with you a hundred percent on that one. Conrad Weaver: And I blame the organization behind it behind that that police department for not helping him to be healthy. Chris: they and they like to blame the training or, you know, home problems. I and th that kind of brings me to a question I got written here for you too is, you know, have you ever sitting acros during this whole process that you've been through, have you ever sitting across anyone and said, Damn, this person's just been carrying this for too damn long? Conrad Weaver: Yeah, for sure. I was at an event, I I forget where it was, it was a retired firefighter comes up to me after the screening event of our film and he goes, and we had this deeper conversation because we always have a panel discussion at the end of the film. He comes up to me afterwards and says, You know what? There is no hope for me. Chris: That's cool. ⁓ shit. Conrad Weaver: I was like, dude, your heart's beating. If your heart's beating, there's hope. Chris: They yum. Conrad Weaver: And so it was just like carrying that and thinking that I'm done, I'm washed up, there's no hope, that's heavy. You know, and so I and I literally said, dude, your heart's beating. And I said, when your heart's beating, there is still hope. You know, when you're dead and gone, there's no hope, you know, for you to be better, obviously. But when your heart's beating and you're alive, then there's hope. Chris: Very. Damn. So what has surprised you so much about us in uniform that you didn't know before learning about us? Conrad Weaver: Hmm. You know, I think one of the things that has always amazed me, maybe not so much surprise, but amazed me is the camaraderie and the brotherhood and sisterhood that is portrayed. You guys take care of each other. You guys for the most part, there's times when you don't, you know, it's you know, yeah. But but that brotherhood and sisterhood is so strong. And you know Chris: Right. Well that that that's everywhere, but yeah. ⁓ Conrad Weaver: You know, a few years ago, I I rode a bicycle across the country with my buddy John and promoting my film. And we got to stay in some firehouses along the way. And it was amazing. Like we we rolled into one town in Washington State. It was in Walla Walla, Washington, rode into station one. And ⁓ we just rode up our bicycles. You know, here's two dudes on bikes, and these guys and the like the like the captain came out and said, What are you guys doing? And we said, Well, we're riding across the country for first responders. They're going, ⁓ Well, what what your plans for dinner? So, well, we don't really have any any dinner plans. He said, Well, we've been smoking a brisket all day. I was like, what time's dinner? You know. And so we were invited to come in, join them around the table there in the firehouse, and just sit there and shoot the breeze and just enjoy that camaraderie. And that's really cool. You know, I experienced a little taste of that when I worked at the at the hospital. You know, I worked in a locked psychiatric unit for adolescence. And ⁓ we it was a family. It we really was a family. We took care of each other, we pr you protected each other, we supported each other. So I ta you know, had a little taste of that. And I think but but seeing it, you know, being able to sit at the in the firehouse, to be able to sit with these firefighters who were there for each other, you know, sitting around the table having a meal together was pretty cool. Yeah. Chris: That is awesome. And I guess I take it for granted because I do it every day. ⁓ you know, a and it it I guess from an output side perspective that that does look a lot different because we are sitting there every day on shift, we eat together, we joke together, you know, we're all there. We can call each other any time of the day, any time of night if we need to. ⁓ a lot of the time. Some people, you know, don't try to, but still, ⁓ you know, and Conrad Weaver: Mm. Mm-hmm. Chris: In our line of work, to me, I'm sure you've learned about this a lot, is it's it's our work's more about listening than it is participating. Conrad Weaver: Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that that is so important to I mean, God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason, right? You know. you know, the other thing on on kind of on that note is I I remember when I was with ⁓ doing ride alongs the law enforcement and I spent you know quite a bit of time with the sheriff's department here locally in some police department and and just the interactions that the officers had, you know, off mic or like, you know, not on the radio, but You know, their their phones would buzz, you know, and they were texting each other constantly during the shift. You know, just staying in touch that way and updating, you know, and and and sometimes it it might have been because they didn't want that c go through official channels, you know, through through the radio. ⁓ but it was just cool seeing that constant and even now when I'm watching different YouTube videos or whatever, like ⁓ police calls or whatever, and you hear that bz bz, you know, on the vest that they have, you know, and just so you you know they're texting each other. You know, so it's this is pretty cool that they stay in touch that I I mean, I have friends that we text each other now and then, but maybe once every once or twice a week, you know, it's not like every day, you know, but it it seeing law enforcement, seeing first responders stay in touch with each other like that and taking care of each other is pretty cool. Chris: Yeah, a and you know, it it's it's kinda funny 'cause I'm in an industrial mill right now in a fire department and we'll sit there and do the same thing, we'll text all day. And and it it it's it's a little weird to I guess to people, but it it makes us know that we have each other's backs and it makes the shift go by so much faster to know you actually have a buddies there. and I I don't know, it that that makes it worth going to work for every day. Conrad Weaver: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Hmm. Yeah. You're there for each other and that's what's important. I mean, and and experiencing some I mean, you experience people's worst days every day. You know, and and very few people do that. You know. That I mean the general public has no idea. The general public has no idea that you this is what you guys do every single day, you know. Chris: ⁓ yeah. True. Very true. Conrad Weaver: And and so you've gotta have an outlet to be able to handle that stress and that all the stuff that you see and experience. So ⁓ I think that's important, that camaraderie is important because you know, if you look at in in my previous film before this one was called Heroine Scripts is about the opioid crisis. So I I worked with a lot of people in addiction. One of the number one things about addiction is isolation. Every user, every heroin user that I interviewed was like, yeah, I was shooting up shooting up alone. I didn't want to be with the people, you know, because I was ashamed. I was I was hiding it. I was, you know, it and it's so isolating. And when you are isolated, and this is the sad thing about a lot of first responders. In fact, I had a guy on my podcast yesterday. ⁓ he's now an assistant chief, but he was under investigation. And during that time he was under investigation a few years ago, no one from the department called him. He had no contact for like a year and a half from any of the officers in his agency. You know, because it was under this investigation. He ended up being exonerated, you know, for the thing. But he was like, You talk about depression, you know, when here we were, you know, you're texting every day and now your phone doesn't go off once because the department has said you can't contact him because he's under investigation, you know. Chris: Right. Conrad Weaver: He said, that's terrible. He said, I had a plan. I was done. I had a plan. You know, and so that isolation piece, I think, is so it it can be so toxic for people to to feel isolated. And having connections with others is is a vital part of being healthy. Chris: True. And, you know, that kinda brings me to my next thing I got written here is your your movie, the PTSD nine one one, you know, a lot of people hear documentary about first responders and they think they know what that really means. But as you just said, they don't. You know, a and I'm I'm guessing here the the real story behind your the behind this movie isn't just the uniforms, the lights, the sirens or the traumas. You know, it it's happen what happens after the calls. Conrad Weaver: Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Chris: after the shifts, you know, after the funerals we go to that we fucking hate with a bloody passion. ⁓ and ever after everyone who goes home. So, you know, ⁓ for someone watching live or listening to this later on, who has never seen the PTSD nine one one film, what is it really about? Conrad Weaver: So it's a story about three people a firefighter, a police officer, and a dispatcher, and their journey and their struggle with PTSD. All three of them were were were diagnosed with PTSD. Sometimes PTSD isn't the diagnosis. Sometimes it's it's just post-matic stress. Sometimes it's a post traumatic injury. And I think there's a movement now to drop the D from that and make it just an injury, because the D is so stigmatizing, that that the disorder, quote unquote, is so stigmatizing. And so there is a movement to drop the D to to turn it to an injury instead of a disorder. ⁓ but all three of the people in my film were diagnosed with ⁓ the post-traumatic distress disorder. And all three of them had multiple suicide attempts. ⁓ all three of them lost their job. So he's Man, that's a really downer. Well, but there's hope. Because through the struggle, they learn to thrive. Chris: Always. Conrad Weaver: And through the struggle they learn to adapt and to grow and to be b and be better. Now it doesn't always end pretty. You know, I was not gonna make a film and tie a pretty bow on it and everybody's fixed and, you know, you know, sniffing roses all day. You know, it's not the way it works, you know, because even now post film, things have happened and and and you know, full disclosure, and a lot of people know this, our our dispatcher in our film. ⁓ a year after the film came out, she ended her life. Chris: Damn, alright to hear that, man. Conrad Weaver: Yeah, it was tough. She was well known in the nine one one community. She spoke at the National Emergency number association conference, you know, she was well known and ⁓ through a series of ⁓ events and you know, losing her job again because of COVID. ⁓ where she lost hearing and ⁓ the agency she was with, you know, cut her because, you know, if you can't hear, you can't really do the job. ⁓ But they didn't really give her an excuse or or or a reason for it. They just cut her. And she was a rock star. She that she she she was in Boston. She was part of the Boston Marathon bombing event. She took calls for that. Yeah. She was a rock star dispatcher. ⁓ Chris: Of course. See that's one thing I couldn't do. I I could never be a dispatcher because I want to see what I'm dealing with. I could only imagine I have buddies that are dispatchers. I could only imagine the only Conrad Weaver: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. That's what they do. They imagine. They imagine it. They they they can't see it. They can hear it. And then your brain creates the scene. And sometimes it's sometimes it's way worse than what it actually is. Yeah. And so then and the only reason I had a dispatcher in my film is because I was talking, I was at our local firehouse one day talking to our the president of our fire company there. And he was like, Chris: I think that'd be a lot worse. That sucks. Conrad Weaver: Well, have you thought about 911 dispatch and including that in your film? I was like, Well, no, I haven't. Tell me about that. He goes, Well, I'm a dispatcher. We hear it. We imagine it. We don't get closure. It's a problem. And I was like, ⁓ okay. Yeah. And I've sat down with dispatchers. I've put the headset on and did what they call listen along, you know, kind of a sit along and listen. Chris: That's heavy. Conrad Weaver: It's crazy what they have to deal with. And funny story, so I was down in Austin, Texas a couple of years ago and I was work I was hanging out with ⁓ a a a communications director there and he took me into the Austin call center, massive, massive place. And I mean, there's it was pro I don't know how big the room was, but it was huge. And ⁓ they covered all areas of the county, you know, law enforcement, fire, EMS, ⁓ state patrol. Chris: But that's nice. Conrad Weaver: all the stuff, you know, they they covered it all. And so I asked him one day, he said, I said, what's like the crazy call? You know, what's crazy call you guys get? He goes, Well, a crazy call would be right in downtown Austin, there's like a river that runs through or like a lake or something. And he said in the summer months there's a lot of boating out there. There's a lot of stuff that goes on. He said a crazy call would be there's a psychotic woman with no clothes down there on the lake, you know, screaming and all this stuff. Cause then you gotta have law enforcement, you gotta have EMS, you gotta have someone in the mental health field being there, you gotta have ⁓ you gotta call the whole t all the troops, you know, that come with this. He texts me later that day. He goes, You won't believe this. That call came in. He spoke it into me. Chris: He spoke it to this world. That's what he spoke to. Damn. Conrad Weaver: said that very thing happened that afternoon. Chris: It's funny, I was I was actually being made fun of the other day, ⁓ or not made fun of, but ⁓ 'cause I actually my second year in EMS, I was I was an advanced EMT and we had a site call come out. Well, this gentleman's naked or in the middle of the streets and trying to rip people out of their vehicles. P D's still in their cars. They're not doing nothing. So I'm like, All right, screw it. And then he comes to my truck, he comes to my truck door and tries to rip me out. I'm like, All right Conrad Weaver: ⁓ my goodness. Chris: We're gonna have an issue. So I jump out, we start chasing him, I start chasing him, and then next thing I know I'm getting whacked upside the head with a little mop handle that he found on the side of the street. He whacked me in the head, I'm like, all right, knocked me out for a second, got back up, started chasing and then PD decides to join finally. And yeah, so then I learned that he was actually as you were saying earlier, he was one of the opioid ⁓ addic addicts that from his parents, from his mom. ⁓ he had to take drugs every day. Conrad Weaver: Yeah. Mm, mm-hmm. Chris: to not be psychotic. And and it was just weird to learn that and to see the effects of you know, this is what happens. And I've never chased a naked man in my life. But you know hey I won't look in, but I'll never look down. It's funny you brought up the naked thing and it it and it it as many patients that we have that are naked, I wonder why so many times. But anyways Conrad Weaver: Not be sick. Okay, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. ⁓ And never want to again, right? Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ That that's a good question. It's like if people would only know how many times the EMS goes to a naked call, that I'd be they'd be shocked. ⁓ You know, I was I was with ⁓ I was doing a ride along with a police officer and we were ⁓ we were called to an overdose scene, but it was a crazy guy. He was overdosing on spice. It was we know synthetic marijuana. And that I guess is just makes you batshit crazy. Yeah. Chris: It that is the truth. ⁓ god. Make you Hulu delulu as hell, yes. Conrad Weaver: Yeah, and stripping clothes and all the stuff, you know. So we get there and of course he's he's going off, you know, they they put him in the wagon, they hauled him off to the hospital. An hour later, we get another call for another overdose. Same scene, same dude, same place. He he AMA'd himself out of the hospital, just walked out, back to the same place. You know, it was it was like ⁓ what's that movie, ⁓ Groundhog Day all over again, you know? It was like, how many times do you guys do this? She said all the time. She said it, you know, the my the officer I was with, she was like, This happens over and over again. You know, because they just leave. They just, you know, could they they like the stuff, they go back to it and and ⁓ yeah, it was just it's just crazy. And that's kind of what in fact when I was working on my film Heroines Grip, I was talking to ⁓ a ⁓ actually a medic, and ⁓ he had he he had come to my screening of of the film, and ⁓ the film was really impactful. That that film is, you know, kind of d does a deep dive into the opioid crisis, and we kind of follow four different families and the the results of their actually two of them lost their kids, and two them their kids are worlds are still alive. And and he says, you know. I used to get angry every time we go to an overdose and it'd be the same guy that we just narcanned yesterday and the day before, you know, over and over again. He said, But your film has kind of made me realize that these people actually have family who love them. They're human beings and they have brothers and sisters and moms and dads that care about them, even though they may not have seen them for a while. You know, someplace down deep in their heart they still have love for these people. And he said it it just made me look at them a little bit different than just another overdose or another dude we got a narcan, you know, once again. So Chris: bet that was awesome to to hear, especially from a responder saying that from your film. And that does make sense, you know, a lot of us do become judge bental. We do kind of steer certain ways in the end and don't mean to, but it it's kind of hard to beat the stereotypes at times and i i it you know i I I'll be I'll admit I'm guilty of it every now and then. Conrad Weaver: Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Chris: ⁓ I don't mean to again. It's just it just it's human psychology. Conrad Weaver: Yeah. Yeah. I and I can understand that just knowing what you guys deal with and and and seeing it. And and it was funny because when I was doing right along with the sheriff's department, I was with a with the drug interdiction team for a while. And ⁓ so, you know, we were sitting on I seventy, you know, catching guys coming out of Baltimore hauling dope and stuff like that. And and ⁓ so you learn how to spot the cars. And I was with this officer that he was like Chris: ⁓ sweet. Conrad Weaver: best in the county at this. You know, we'd be sitting there at midnight, high beams on, going, you know, cars are flying by at seventy miles an hour or seventy five, eighty miles an hour. And all of a sudden we were like head back against the headrest, you know, flying up the road and he had a reason to turn on the lights and we'd pull somebody over and he'd call the drug dog out and did find dope. You know? And so it became pretty easy. Okay it became easier to well, I became more aware of the cars that I was seeing when I was going down the road. And one day I was with my wife and we're driving down the road and said, see that car there? I bet he's riding dirty. And she was like, You've been hanging out with those cops too long. You think everybody's riding dirty now. And then what's funny, that happened a couple of times. And then one day my wife came home from work and she was like, I saw one today. He was riding dirty. So Chris: That's awesome. Conrad Weaver: So I can see how you become ⁓ kind of ⁓ you know, you become more aware of these things and it just becomes normal to experience these kind of things. And then I can imagine, you know, especially if you're going back to the same scene, same p person, same bug infested building time and time again, you know, you're like, Really? This one again, frequent flyer again, you know, that kind of thing. I can see who I would get get pretty old. Chris: Yeah, a and again, I I've been guilty of it. I've been mean to a patient, ⁓ not really mean or can b you know, ⁓ truly mean to a patient, but I had a frequent flyer one day that she would call God four or five times a day and this was during COVID, so we were burned the fuck out, we were tired and she called us like three o'clock in the morning. Well We always have to stage for her because she's a sight call. And when we're staging for her, she walks in front of our truck. So I'm like, okay, well, can't really treat you yet, because PD's not here. And we know you're gonna either bite us or scratch us. So we gotta wait for them to get here. And I hit my siren and she winds up jumping, throwing her pills at my truck and pissing herself. I I felt bad for it in the end, but at the same time I was like, I wasn't trying to hurt ya. Conrad Weaver: ⁓ Chris: But you know, and I don't know, it's it's kinda weird, ⁓ 'cause the small things we do like that kind of eats us up. ⁓ just go back to your film for one second. I'm not sure how can ever w anyone, you know, watch it, screen it or get in front of their departments or their community if they want to real quick. Conrad Weaver: Yeah, sure. ⁓ if you if you can go to our website, PTSD nine one one movie dot com, ⁓ we make it available for agencies to purchase for use for training. And it's a scale, it's kind of a sliding scale of smaller departments don't pay as much, bigger departments pay more just because of the numbers of people. ⁓ but so if you go to the website, you can learn all that information there. If you want to talk to ⁓ so I have a director of sales and and ⁓ events and so my My friend Gary, he handles all those calls. And if you want to talk to him about bringing the film in, we'd love to do that. We've had 90 screening events, like I said, in 32 states over the past three years. And ⁓ we're still booking calls. We just we just booked ⁓ an event in South Dakota, booked an event in see where else was it? ⁓ down in Virginia. We're talking to people in California, talking to people in Colorado and in Texas, and so all over actually we're talking to someone in Alabama. Chris: ⁓ wow. Conrad Weaver: ⁓ about doing an event there. So ⁓ I have been to Alabama. We did an event down in the Gulf Shores area down on the coast with the nine one one group. And ⁓ and then we were also in Birmingham for the fire and police games. ⁓ they brought us out for a screening there at at that event. But so we are booking events all over the country. In fact we're even talking to people in Australia now about doing a tour a tour in Australia. So ⁓ Chris: Okay. ⁓ my god. Conrad Weaver: No, you can't come along carry my bags. ⁓ people have asked already. So but ⁓ so so yeah, that's that's the best way. The the trailer is on our website, PTSD911movie.com. There's a really powerful three minute trailer there that will kind of give you a a sneak peek at this thing and ⁓ really encourage agencies to to get it. We've had probably a hundred and sixty some agencies have have bought the film to use for training and ⁓ you know You you t so when you buy the film, you get the film in the toolkit. And the toolkit is additional content that's not in the film. So we have some additional interviews, content, or extended interviews that are in the film, but we we had to shorten them, you know, for the movie. ⁓ so those extended interviews are there. And there's also some other training materials there that you can use. There's downloadables from some of our partners and ⁓ all that content is all available for one price ⁓ there at ⁓ at our website. So Really encourage people to do that. Chris: So I guess also is there a way that just single people could watch ⁓ or does it have to just be Conrad Weaver: Yeah, the so it is available on Amazon ⁓ for home use. ⁓ we don't you know, that's ⁓ technically, legally it's not you're not allowed to use that for like your your department. ⁓ but yeah, for home use you can find it on Amazon, PTSD nine one one movies, all on Word. And ⁓ you can find it there. We've had ⁓ tens of thousands of people have have seen it on Amazon, so so it's pretty cool. Yeah. ⁓ okay, yeah. ⁓ Chris: Right, of course. That's awesome. Cause I was actually trying to find it the other day and I couldn't find it. I was on the website, but I was like, I I don't want to spend this much just for myself. Conrad Weaver: Right, yeah, yeah. That that doesn't make sense to spend that much for yourself. But yeah. Yep. ⁓ Chris: You know, y you ⁓ and that's awesome that you're doing it like that and making it available to solo people and companies and actually providing resources for them to use or us to use. ⁓ because you like you said earlier, you have the psychological background. You know, you know, what we're dealing with more than a lot of other people can. and seeing it firsthand and actually producing it, getting Conrad Weaver: Mm-hmm. Chris: stories that you would never hear unless you did what you did. You know, I'm sure that that kind of it g it's gotta make you proud at the same time to know that you're helping the people that are helping others. Conrad Weaver: You know, it's been the it's been the the highlight of my career and it's been ⁓ yeah, it's it's it's it's transformed my life because this is now all I do. I I've I focus one hundred percent on first responders through the film, through the podcast, and now through some new initiatives that we're doing with our new company, ⁓ First Responder Wellness Solutions, where we're providing we're creating a platform for leadership development and training. And so actually right now we're in the middle of ⁓ our first cohort on our mastermind, so leadership mastermind that we're hosting. And ⁓ you can you can learn more about that on our website, first responder wellness solutions.co, not dot com, it's just dot co. And so we're building this out. We're we're gonna be launching ⁓ more content on there for for training, for leadership training and development. And ⁓ we're actually filming some things in a couple of weeks for that. ⁓ and then we are also developing a first responder leadership summit that we're ⁓ developing a really high high level leadership summit with ⁓ high level speakers to really help leaders be better. And this is gonna be ⁓ an invite only event. So if you wanna get on the list, you gotta go to the website and sign up and ⁓ to be on the list. So ⁓ really encourage people to to check it out. ⁓ We got a lot of new things coming down the pike. So if you want to stay up with what we're doing, go to our website, ptsenamin1movie.com, register for our emails, and ⁓ you'll get a weekly email from me. I promise I won't spam you. ⁓ we just send a weekly email newsletter out. Got about you know a couple thousand people on that newsletter that we send out every week. And and ⁓ then the podcast comes out every Wednesday, first responded wellness podcast. I have national leaders on the show. local leaders on the show talking about wellness and first responders and and leadership and and mental health. And this week actually had a ⁓ a lady on. She's the CEO of Live Strong. It's a cancer, it's a cancer organization. And yeah. So they are hosting a 911 bicycle ride ⁓ c coming up on 911 because it it's our twenty fifth anniversary of of you know nine eleven that the attacks. Chris: Lance Armored A starter, wouldn't Conrad Weaver: And they are hosting and sponsoring a bicycle ride from Boston down to New York in support of first responders. And so it's a first responder, you know, bicycle ride. So I had her on the show this week to talk about that and and the work that they're doing with with cancer and helping families of ⁓ people who have are suffering with cancer. So so I have a variety of people on the show really focused on first responders, ⁓ primarily and then also talking a lot about leadership. I have, you know, first responders talking about I've had ⁓ I I've had some of the the OGs of if First Responder Wellness on the show. Dr. Gil Martin's been on the show and ⁓ it's who L let's see Lieutenant Colonel Dave Grossman's been on the show a couple actually a couple of times now, so I've had had him on the show twice. And so I I get some ⁓ so you know some of the bigger names on, which is ho always fun to do. So and ⁓ Chris: Yeah, that's that's what I'm learning too is, you know, I I've had some guests lately that I I never thought I I mean hell, I've never thought I would talk to you in my my life. ⁓ but you know That's that's what a lot of guys are telling me too that I talked to. I I talked to ⁓ a doctor the other day, Doctor Rob. ⁓ I can't think of his last name. But Doctor Rob, he's a leader in addiction specialist and very good guy, very knowledgeable. ⁓ and that was just something that Conrad Weaver: I'm just a dude. I'm pretty easy to reach, so Mm-hmm. Chris: I never thought I would talk to someone that that's high up on the totem pole of doing things like that, you know. Conrad Weaver: Mm. Yeah. Yeah. It's y you know, podcasting is fun. It's a it's a and I really I launched the podcast kind of kind of even before the film was out and it had a different name back then, but I really launched it to kind of continue the conversation because I wanted to, you know, I wanted to bring eyeballs to the film, which it helps, but I also wanted to continue that conversation. I think that's what it's doing and and we've been able to, you know, reach a lot of people. actually had a ⁓ firefighter from ⁓ ⁓ Darwin Australia reached out to me a couple of years ago and he was like, Hey, I listen to your show every week. I want to talk to you. And we ended up on a Zoom call and so we become friends and I've connected him with some resources and and so he's now working to help us try to get the film to Australia and to do some do a tour there. So ⁓ so yeah, it's pretty cool. So in fact next week I have another podcast interview. Actually another it was a is a guy, a former police officer from Australia as well. So Chris: Awesome. Conrad Weaver: Yeah, I've had several people from Australia on the show, so pretty cool. Chris: Yeah, I have to know it's it's it's interesting. I've had I think three or four Australians online as well. Very cool guys. and they kind of agreed with me on this too. Right here is actually my next little thing I got is you know, in in this field we say I'm fine and that usually means I'm tired, I'm numb, I'm angry, I'm living on caffeine and dark humor. Fuck off. Or I'm still useful and so nobody's asking too many questions. ⁓ and and that's the dangerous part of our jobs. ⁓ Conrad Weaver: Mm. Yeah, it's it's a lot of fun. ⁓ yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Chris: You know, so why do you think, after dealing with this so long and using your background, why do you think we are so good at hiding this from everybody? Conrad Weaver: You want to be strong. You you're the responders. You know, why should you ask for help? And I think that's the that's the challenge is that to you don't want to admit that you're something wrong because, you know, historically that means you're weak. It doesn't really. ⁓ but it but in your mind it may seem that way. ⁓ to me, asking for help means you're stronger than you realize. Chris: Very true. I think it's ⁓ Conrad Weaver: Because it takes courage. It takes courage to ask for help. And so I have a story related to that. So three years ago, I rode a bicycle across the country. I've mentioned that. And we rode from Austoria, Oregon to Ocean City, Maryland, 3,400 miles. And ⁓ we had, yeah, my my my backside is already hurting. ⁓ but in the middle of that, we we had a support crew. We had a sponsor, Lighthouse Health and Wellness was our sponsor. And three weeks before we left, Joe from Lighthouse called me and he was like, Hey, I did something. Okay, what'd you do? I bought an RV. I'm coming with you. So we had a support crew, and which was fantastic. You know, here we did, you know, we were planning on just taking sleeping bags and tents and, you know, roughing it and that kind of stuff. And well, now we had an RV to stay in. And we had someone to call if we got in trouble. And we had to do that. But I'm telling you. That was one of the hardest calls I ever made. Cause it was like we're not strong enough to make it. Okay. Like the first time we called was in Washington. It was like less than a week in. It was, you know, ninety some degrees. We had wildfire smoke from Canada all day. And it was blazing hot. We had twenty more miles to go. And we were like, hmm, I don't think we can make it. And we had to decide to make a phone call. And picking up the phone, it felt like a five ton brick to call and say, Joe, ⁓ yeah, we need help. And but, you know, we our our motto then became, well, it's not about the miles, it's about the mission. You know, we wanted to be healthy to to complete the mission. We didn't have to necessarily pedal stroke every single mile, but you know, the mission came first and in order for the mission to be completed, then we had to we wanted to live, especially when we were facing thunderstorms in the middle of Wyoming and there was lightning and you know, we wanted to live. So ⁓ so yeah, call I think picking up the phone and asking for help is one of the hardest things you can do, but it's also one of the bravest things you can do. And third, it's one of the most important things you can do. Chris: Yeah. If you don't ask for help, ⁓ again, I've noticed it and witnessed it myself. If we don't ask for the help we need, it it causes us issues at home, causes us issues at work. ⁓ the sad thing is my wife is the one that noticed it before anyone else. ⁓ she straight up told me, Look, something's wrong with you. You gotta get help. and I'm not sure if that's Conrad Weaver: Mm-hmm. Chris: what you've seen before as well is it's normally the spouse or if it's crew or but Conrad Weaver: ⁓ yeah. Usually usually the spouses can see it first because or the family sees it first because, you know, dad, mom comes home and they're acting like a you know, something that they shouldn't be. And and because sometimes it it's funny because the people that we love the most sometimes we treat the worst. It's the easiest to treat the worst sometimes, you know. Chris: You know, I don't know why we like to do it as as silent when we get home either a lot of the times. ⁓ and then we suddenly blow up when the stupidest question is asked, Hey, what's for dinner? Shut the hell up. I'm just got home, you know. And I think that's another issue that I guess we get from the PTSD. and ⁓ but yeah. Conrad Weaver: Mm. Mm, mm-hmm. The importance of, you know, taking care of yourself first. And I know we hear it all the time. We hear this little thing about, you know, when you're flying an airplane, they tell you to put your mask on first, you know, before you help the next person. But it's so true. You've got to take care of you first before you can effectively take care of someone else. And so that's something that I've had to learn. I've had to learn to take care of me first. You know, a few years ago, my buddy Todd, who's in the film, he's a police officer down in Garland, Texas. And he's he's an amazing human being and he's he's connecting me with so many people. He kept poking me and he was like, Have you got a therapist yet? I was like, Okay, Todd, I probably need to, yeah, it's probably important. I should. And then he kept emailing, Have you got a therapist yet? Not yet, but I'm going to, but I'm going to. And one day he sends me an email. He goes, Here, here's a list of all the culturally competent therapists in Maryland. Pick one. Chris: Damn. Conrad Weaver: I was like, yes, sir. I picked one and now I have a therapist. And he's on my he's on, you know, he's on speed dial. I can call him anytime. And ⁓ one of the best things I did, you know, to make that step to and I wasn't, you know, I wasn't crazy. I wasn't, you know, exhibiting things of PTSD, but I know all the stories that I hear, all the things that I see, you know, it plays a role in my head. And to be able to talk to someone who understands that. And this therapist is a former cop. So he understands all these things. And so, you know, we're able to have some deeper conversations about it. And I think that I really think every first responder should have a therapist. I mean, I think it should it it just should be normal. You know, because if you want to thrive and to live a healthy, thriving career. Chris: Very true. I agree. Conrad Weaver: you know, for all for your entire career, see a therapist. You know, there's no shame in that. There's no, there's no there's no neg you know, negative repercussions unless your agency's an asshole and they don't, you know, they they they treat you like you're less than. You're not less than. Because if you're taking your care of yourself first, you're gonna be a much better employee. You're gonna be a much better EMT, much better paramedic, much better cop, much better firefighter because you're taking care of you first. Chris: And that's the thing is, you know, there is hope that a lot of us don't see and you your intake form kept going back to that and that was amazing to see. and I kinda wanna be careful with that word, DN, because a lot of us hear hope and think that it's a bunch of bullshit or just a little poster on the wall. ⁓ but we're not talking about the fake hope here. You know, we're talking about someone sitting along in the truck at two AM still showing up. Conrad Weaver: Yeah. Chris: and quietly wondering how much longer they can keep doing this. ⁓ as you've said you've lost friends to suicide a and it sucks when people lose sight of the hope. ⁓ so what what does the real hope for a first responder look like and and when they don't believe it yet? Conrad Weaver: Mm-hmm. The hope looks like saying being willing to acknowledge, okay, I need help. And then having someone that can sit next to you, put your their arm around you and say, you know what, I'm here for you. Chris: That's where the therapist comes in handy. Conrad Weaver: I'm here for you. Come hell or high water. I'm here for you. And that's hope. And knowing that, and especially having someone next to you who said, you know what, I've been there. You know, it's it's like someone said one time, it's you know, it's the metaphor of, you know, you look down into a hole and there's a guy down there in the hole. And how you get how you get this guy out, well, you you're gonna Put a ladder down? No, you get down in the hole with them and you help them out. You know? It's dirty work. It's messy. Helping others is messy, you know. But it's so because that isolation, going back to that isolation, when you feel that, you know, you're on the truck and there's no one else dealing with what I'm dealing with. I'm the only one. Everybody on the truck's in your in the in the same hole. You know? Chris: You know, it that kinda goes back to that old saying there's no such thing as a stupid question. And there really isn't. That because if you're feeling it or thinking it, someone else around you is. Conrad Weaver: Yeah. Yeah. And the good thing is there are resources. There are resources available. There are free resources available to help. And I'm telling you, if you, and here's I'm going to offer this to you guys. If you're having trouble sleeping and you just, you know, wake up with nightmares and all the stuff, I have a solution. I have a friend, his name's Dan Jarvis. He has an organization called Healing the Heroes. And he works with first responders all around the world and he l d and you're gonna think I'm batshit crazy, but it works. He heals PTSD. Chris: That's awesome. Conrad Weaver: Through the trauma resiliency protocol. It's an amazing thing that he takes people through. And I know because he did it with me. I used to have nightmares about a situation that happened to me years ago. And he was sitting at my kitchen table one day and we were talking. And he was, this is when I was working on the film. And he was like, You want to fix that? And so I like to take a deep dive in the films I'm working on. So I said, Okay, let's do it. Twenty minutes later, we were done. I haven't had a nightmare since. Chris: ⁓ that's amazing. I'm gonna have to get the Conrad Weaver: And so now I connect him with first responders all over the country. Every time I talk to someone, they're saying, Hey, I'm having trouble sleeping. I said, you know what? I got a buddy named Dan. He'll help you. And ⁓ if you if you want to reach out, if you want to contact Dan, let me know. And I will get in touch with him. I'll connect you. He's very quick at responding. And generally on text messages, he'll respond within an hour and he'll be in touch with you. And ⁓ there is hope. And he's now Chris: That's awesome. Conrad Weaver: His mission now is to train other people to do what he's doing. And he's he's in the process of doing that all over the country, ⁓ training people to do what he's doing. And he does it for free for first responders. The training that he got to pay for, but when he worked with individuals, it's free for first responders and veterans. Yeah, it's amazing. And so ⁓ going back to your question, ⁓ hope is available, hope help is available. Chris: That's awesome. Conrad Weaver: And that's where the hope is. There are people that want to help. There are people that want to that care. And there are there are even agency leaders and police chiefs and fire chiefs that care deeply. I'm just going to put it out there. There are people in leadership who really, really genuinely care for their people. I've met them. I've talked to them. Had a few of them on my podcast. And so there are those people out there. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes. A change of scenery is helpful. You know, not always, but sometimes. ⁓ and finding that agency that is supportive. ⁓ in fact, one fire captain, I'll tell this quick story, had a fire captain on my podcast. He's out of Texas. He went to his city and said, Hey, we need a line out in budget ⁓ in the budget for wellness. Convinced the city leaders to say yes. And now, He said, we have firefighters from all over the state, from bigger agencies coming, knocking on our door, wanting to work for us because they know they're going to be taken care of. Said, we don't have a recruitment problem at all. Said nothing. We have lot they're lined up at the door, oftentimes taking less money because they want to work for us because they know they're going to be taken care of. So if you take care of your people, they'll do anything for you. Chris: That's awesome. ⁓ yeah, a hundred percent. And I just want to say something before we 'cause it's been an hour, so I know I only quit quoted for an hour. ⁓ before we shut this thing down, I'm gonna be awkward for about thirty seconds and I hate doing it because I'm gonna be asking for help here in second. ⁓ just for everyone listening, I'm trying to get through the University of Florida critical care paramedic program. This isn't me chasing alphabet suit behind my name, this is me trying to get sharper, better cr skills, ⁓ better from us patients, better from students that I hopefully proctor sooner or later. ⁓ and everything I'm trying to build the podcast, the website. everything adds up quickly and that's why I'm needing some help. ⁓ apparently education costs money. ⁓ so if anyone's listening and wants me to help sponsor it, ⁓ go to my website, critical dash run dot com. No guilt trip, no sad levial lens here, just putting it out there. I'm trying to get better so I can help everyone else. ⁓ that's the whole thing. ⁓ sorry, just had to throw that out there, try to get that done. Conrad Weaver: Don't apologize, man. Y you know when you're helping other people, it's important. And if you want to keep doing it, yep. Chris: ⁓ yeah. And and for the responders listening or watching this later tonight, ⁓ or t when this comes out, ⁓ maybe they're sitting in the truck, sitting in the station, hell, they're sitting in the driveway crying in their car 'cause they don't want to go inside yet. ⁓ they're still functioning, still showing up, still saying I'm fine, but quietly falling apart. What do they need to hear from you today? Conrad Weaver: You're not alone. You are not alone. There are people out there who want to help you. Help is available. And sometimes the the biggest hurdle you need to do is get over your pride and to pick up the phone and call for help. Help is available. And when you do that and you get the help that you need, then you're in a position to help the next person because there's someone that's coming up after you that you're going to help. And you're going to be able to help because you went through it yourself. Because you've experienced the trauma, you've experienced the nightmares, you've experienced all the stuff, and you got help for it and you got healing for it. And now you can reach back and help the next person up because there's someone watching you and you wanna be there for them, your brother or sister in your agency. Maybe it's the person next to you. You just never know. Chris: Yeah. That's very true. Conrad, I appreciate you being on here today. ⁓ and I really do mean that. It means a lot to be able to speak to someone like you. because it's kind of conversations that a lot of people need to hear. They need to hear their support. They need to make sure that it it hits them in the right spots to where they feel uncomfortable. They feel vulnerable. and yes, we're all uncomfortable when this is spoken about. But, you know, everyone listening live or listening later, ⁓ Check on your people, not just the loud ones, not the obvious ones, not the person who's already looking like they're struggling. Check on the dependable ones. They're normally the last to ask for help and the first to go down. ⁓ the we all show up when we're needed. and we all carry the weight. Just remember we're out there for ever for each other. We're out there to help everybody. Conrad Weaver: That's right. Well, Chris, thank you for having me on the program. I really appreciate it. Enjoyed our conversation. Chris: Sir, I was greatly appreciated. Let me go ahead and hit it. Stop. If I forgot to work this thing. Stop. Damn it. Stop.