Latest / Sorgatron Media Master Feed / Gratitude, High-Frequency Living & Letting Go | Episode 513
Transcript
- Speaker 1 Welcome to Fishing Without Bait, a lifetime without definitive expectations. Where we help people explode into their life through our concept of full impact mindfulness, which is paying attention on purpose and taking nothing in your life for granted. It's a program about dealing with not having unrealistic expectations in your life and have a life open to opportunities. My name is Jim Ellermeyer. I'm a behavioral health therapist, and today I'm joined by my good friend and producer of this program, Mr. Mike. Speaker 2 Hello. Good to be back on the camera with you again, Jim. We've had so many great guests over the last several months, and it's been a pleasure to kind of step aside and see you have those conversations. Speaker 1 Yes, and just for a moment, perhaps I'd like to turn some people on. We have over 500 original episodes of this show, 500. And I guess I'm going to brag about us right now because a podcasting over 500 episodes, original episodes is rare air. Speaker 2 Absolutely. Would you agree with that, Mike? Absolutely. Well, I, I don't know if you, you noticed, uh, I also surpassed a thousand episodes on one of my other shows, the wrestling mayhem show. And that has been a pretty good moment for, uh, Speaker 1 I don't know, gratitude perhaps. Could you plug the wrestling man? - Oh yeah, wrestlingmanshow.com. Speaker 2 We have a lot of fun and try to bring out the joy of professional wrestling as much as we can. Speaker 1 - Ah, excellent. So as everyone out there knows, I'm a big proponent and a believer in a participant in the 12-step recovery program. And contrary to popular belief, 12-step recovery has nothing to do with drugs, alcohol, gambling, or the hundred other groups that use the 12-step behavioral change techniques. It's about having a change in your thoughts and a change in your actions. The first three steps are commitment steps. Steps four through nine are action steps, and steps 10, 11, 12 are maintenance steps where you maintain what you have. The first step is about acceptance, and then it talks about accepting the fact that we're powerless over whatever our addiction is, and my friends, everybody's in recovery from something. the main modalities, the main tools that is used in 12-step recovery is gratitude. So when I say the word gratitude, Mike, what comes to your mind? >> Being happy with how things are. >> Being happy about how things are. All right. And what I've focused on, people, is to not take anything for granted. Because my friends, listen to the sound of my voice and hear the words I say, we are not guaranteed our next breath. We are not guaranteed that when we get in our car that's going to start. We're not guaranteed that when we kiss someone goodnight or goodbye that they're coming back. So the idea about gratitude is that when we have this attitude of gratitude, what it does, there's a lot of efficacy behind that, which means it does what it's supposed to do. It has depth and weight, which means that it transforms our thinking. It actually changes our brain chemistry over a period of time through structural organization and discipline of gratitude. It changes your brain chemistry, it changes your perspective, and it changes your thought patterns. And what it does, it's a magnet for, and it manifests high frequency people and gratitude and positivity. So Mike, when I talk about high frequency people, give me a definition of that. Speaker 2 We're thinking like high level CEOs and, uh, and, and athletes and, and, Speaker 1 and musicians and artists and things like that, perhaps. What we're talking about is high frequency people who avoid complaining, comparing and criticizing, avoiding comparing, comparing, complaining, and criticizing. The three C's. Those are three C's that I'd like everyone to try to incorporate in their life. Mike, are there any high frequency people in your life? Speaker 2 Yes, for sure. Our good friend Katie is, I think, one of those overly positive people that kind of helps me out seeing the bright side of things. You, of course, are always asking me what's good with me. Speaker 1 Well, I've quite often been accused of toxic positivity. - Ah, yes. - However, I'll accept that. So our good friend Katie, she is also a cancer survivor, and we're gonna have some links to the, on the website after this show. She has just a magnificent story about, and that woman is so grateful. Every time I speak to her, she tells me how grateful she is to be alive. Every time I see her, she gives me a hug and tells me that she's glad to see me, and I know it's not smoke. I know she means it. Say more about that. Speaker 2 Uh, well, yeah, I, and I see that with a lot of things. Uh, we were just in the airport in, uh, in Dallas, uh, this past week and, and she, she found somebody, uh, and it was a coworker or something like that, that, that she works with, um, or a project or, or something she knew also named Katie, by the way, and just seeing that, you know, that, that attitude, see how she handles people with, with positivity and respect when we're, we're, you know, on, on shows or, or out and about with things, is very, very cool. Speaker 1 - So, and high frequency people aren't the arrogant, they're not the rich, they're not the elitist, they're real, authentic human beings. So, Mike, in your life, I'm sure that you have acquaintances that if they wouldn't have talked about comparing, criticize, or complaining, what would they have to say? Speaker 2 - Absolutely, there's some people that pop up and they're just like, okay, who you got a problem with today, buddy? You know? (laughs) Speaker 1 - So the idea is, how do you attract high frequency people in your life. Speaker 2 Be positive on your side? Speaker 1 Be a high frequency person. Yeah. Okay? Avoid the complaining. Yeah. Avoid the criticizing. It attracts, right? Avoid the comparing. So, I have met a lot of people in my life who told me that they love gossip and they love doing indulging gossip. What is gossip? Speaker 2 It's kind of pointing out faults with a lot of people, right? And kind of almost propping yourself up by seeing where other people are having difficulties. Speaker 1 - Right, so I'm sure in your life, somebody's come up to you and said, "Mike, do you know what Mary said?" Speaker 2 - Yeah, absolutely. Oh, that happens a lot in the circles that I'm in. You know, a very competitive, interesting mentality, kind of a space that like in production and professional wrestling and everything like that. - How do you handle that? - I kind of shove it off. I take it all with a grain of salt, you know? Um, I don't, I don't, you know, cut people off because of what people have said or like, I can't get rid of the people because they're part of the process. Right. Um, but uh, you know, let him say their speak piece and go on and try not to encourage it. And if it gets bad enough, I actually kind of call it out a little bit. It was like, you know, do you have anything to good say about anybody that's going on here? You know? So it's a, it's, it's an interesting dance. We do. Speaker 1 I teach people how to use hand signals, not the one that shows that you're number one, but the ones that particularly younger people that have problems with their friends or being bullied, their friends or gossips, I have them use their hand like a stop sign. Stop sign and say just a few simple words. I don't need to know. Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. My hands are usually full with like cords or stuff so I can't physically do that, but I have said that a few times, like, you know, I don't even know what's going on with this. Honestly, there's no reason for me to, you know, Speaker 1 if we hold our hand up and we say, use it as a stop sign and say, I don't need to know. Speaker 2 For me, a lot of times I'll hear people complaining about something and, uh, in a chat, uh, you specifically around professional wrestling and say, Hey, that's nice. How are we going to be good people to buy tickets for your show? You know, is, is one of the responses I see. I redirect. It was like, Hey, How about we be constructive in here instead of tearing down whatever's happening over here that we don't like that's going on? You know what I mean? It just, it's, I've had a really big battle pushback with negativity. There's people that I've avoided 'cause they've trashed things that I've worked on, that I'm at events and I just say, "You know what, you're over there. "I don't need to deal with you tonight "and we're just not gonna put myself in that space." You know? I try to remove myself from that situation as much as I professionally and physically can. Speaker 1 Spirituality is a personal connection with something. And I thought, how could we possibly contribute more to people's lives like we're doing on the show? And as a result, I've made the choice to become an ordained minister. And as so, I am legally authorized to perform marriages in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. What we're offering is a personal, interactive type of spiritual bonding between two people. One of our primary purposes, one of our thoughts about a great relationship is that I can live a perfectly happy and joyous and free life without you. It's just better with you. And that's what we want to talk about. We want to talk about the synchronicity of two people coming together and making one plus one equal three. If you're interested in that, if you're interested in a more personalized type of spiritual experience in the bonding of two souls, please contact the show for our rates and whatever we can possibly do to make that moment in time special for you and to create memories. So when you meet somebody and they're sit down and they begin to talk to you about the character defects of other people, that's character assassination. So generally when somebody says to me, let's say, oh my gosh, did you realize that John is a balloon head? I would say my response would be, "What does John think of you?" >> I was like, "What's a balloon head?" I haven't heard that one. >> Well, that's a... >> I know, an airhead, right? >> If you want to listen to this program for a while, you're going to come up with all different types of points. >> Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure. >> And different describers. Okay? So... >> And it was supposed to question the guest. >> Somebody comes up to you and says, "My God, John's a balloon head." And you can say, "Well, what does John think of you?" Speaker 2 >> Yeah. I think I would say that people are like, "Well, I'm sure they have an interesting opinion of you as well." >> Yes. - Yes. - And also kind of accepting of, especially in the space that I'm in, it was like, okay, that's cool, you don't like the thing they're doing, but they definitely have some people to do. They probably don't like what you're doing either. I see, I'm literally viewing both sides of it in a lot of the positions. Speaker 1 - Well, we often talk in life about planting flowers and pulling weeds. And when I'm talking about planting flowers, what I mean is developing high frequency people your life. And the low frequency people, what I'm talking about, those are the weeds. Okay? And we're not disparaging them. We're not talking bad about them. Using a 12-step term, we're allergic to their behavior. We're allergic to criticism. We're allergic to comparing. We're allergic to complaining. Speaker 2 It's okay to remember the thing they said to you last time or realize, "I don't need to be a part of this." Speaker 1 to be grateful quite often in my practice what I use for a mindfulness exercise Mike is to ask people I'll say let's imagine that you're allotted a gallon and a half of water a day that's all you get a gallon and a half of water a day who are you going to nourish who are you going to nourish first yourself yes I'm glad you said that Mike after you nourished yourself remember you only have a gallon and a half of water. Who do you nourish next? Speaker 2 That would be my wife, yeah. Speaker 1 Yes, okay. Who do you nourish next? I think you have a little critter running around your house. Speaker 2 Yeah, my little dog, my little chihuahua. Speaker 1 Yes, so you nourish them. And remember, we only have a gallon and a half of water. We have to be judicious. Now, let's talk about things that you would not nourish. Now, We're not asking somebody to die of thirst, okay? We're not killing anybody. But what type of people, places, situations, events that you would not nourish? Speaker 2 - The ones that bring nothing but trouble for you, the negativity. Speaker 1 - The negative people, the ones that don't serve you, going into situations where you're uncomfortable, maybe situations where they're not following your moral compass, or your sense of right and wrong, Or maybe people who don't treat others with courtesy and respect. Okay? So when we talk on this show, I talk in my practice, I try to reinforce the people about the mindfulness aspect, paying attention on purpose, and what's important in your life. Well, Mike, you just named your top three. Yourself, your wife, and Wicked. - Yeah. - Okay? So wouldn't it be beneficial to add to and reinforce those relationships? Yes. Okay. Speaker 2 Spend more time. Yeah. Building that, building that positivity connection. Speaker 1 Human beings are strange creatures because we'll have five solid relationships and we'll bypass those to pursue the one who maybe is neutral toward us or maybe maybe really doesn't care for our company. We'll try to go to them to try to convince them that we're worthy. Simply because you don't perform well on a task or maybe you don't have somebody that particularly cares for you, does that really determine your sense of worth, Mike? Speaker 2 No, no. I mean, this is kind of the biggest thing. You're doing such a big thing, you all this positivity and it's like that one comment is the one that sticks with you. That one negative comment, right? That one bit of negativity, that one person that isn't paying attention to the way you think they should be. I guess you say dismissing you, right? Speaker 1 Yes. So one of the most difficult and painful things for a human being to do is to gratefully exit a romantic situation, a friendship, a job, a location, the graceful art of leaving. The graceful art of leaving. And quite often, I was just speaking to somebody this morning like that. They contacted me at 7 a.m. because they were upset about some unreasonable expectations of other, that other people had of them. And we don't have to, we choose. Those powerful words I choose. And I often use the term allergy. I never use the term, I rarely use the term despise, never use the term hate, things like that. I would say, I'm allergic to your attitude. I'm allergic to your behavior. Speaker 2 I'm allergic to this conversation. Speaker 1 Yes. Maybe you want to use that, Mike, the next time. When somebody is criticizing you or giving you some comments that you particularly don't appreciate rather than saying whatever you usually just say, "Excuse me, I'm going to exit this conversation as I'm allergic to it." Speaker 2 It's me. It's usually me just sitting here doing my work and tolerating it. That happens around me. Speaker 1 Being allergic to conversations. So in a 12-step world, we've often talked about that. Dr. William Silkworth was the medical director of Towns Hospital back in the '20s and '30s, where one of the co-founders of AA, Bill Wilson, went there. And back then, there was some idea about the disease aspect of alcohol. But Dr. Silkworth began to introduce the concept of the disease aspect by saying that alcoholics had an allergy to alcohol. I think that's kind of a gentle way because everyone can understand what an allergy is. Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah. It's an, it's a, it's a, it's an internal intolerance, right? Yes. So. Something that's not good for you. Speaker 1 If somebody were lactose intolerant, they would avoid dairy products. Correct. So. Speaker 2 Some are not good about it. I have some intolerant people that are like, yeah, I'm making cheese decisions today. So. Well, they'll say, well, I'll try it again. Everybody's like, yeah, I just like, well, today I've accepted my fate and I will Speaker 1 cheese. But again, we talk about insanity doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results like a cheese day. But in a 12 step world, we have a different definition. It's when you have that drink, drug, slot machine, handle cheese in your hand. You know what's going to happen. Yet what do you do? You do it anyway, and that's addictive insanity. Everybody's in recovery from something, my friend. So Mike, what's your takeaway from today? Speaker 2 Uh, I need to reinforce the positivity and, um, um, uh, accept and be proactive in avoiding my allergies, paying attention on purpose. Speaker 1 Right. So at the end of every podcast, what we do is we offer a free prescription, fruits, nuts, and vegetables, unplug your television and take up fishing. And for a truly mindful experience, we suggest that you fish without bait. Do a kindness for yourself, and do a kindness for another. Forgive yourself, and forgive another. If we're all not the Creator's children, then none of us are. Till all are free, none are free. Namaste. Speaker 2 Please check out our website at fishingwithoutbait.com, where you can listen to the show, comment on our discussions and find out where you can subscribe to our podcast. If you're interested in flying the colors of fishing without bait, click the shop icon on our website. We have clothing, mugs, cell phone cases and so much more. Show the world that you fish without bait. This show is a member of the Sorgatron Media Podcast Network. Find out more at Sorgatron Media. Tack!