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Ten things to let go of to become happier, calmer and more free · Do You F*cking Mind?

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Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beings, and welcome to the podcast episode of Today. Today,
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Speaker 1: we're doing a little kind of list episode. You guys
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Speaker 1: love my list episodes. It turns out so when I
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Speaker 1: look back at kind of like the data, the behind
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Speaker 1: the scenes of the podcast, the ones where I'm giving
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Speaker 1: you like five steps for this or ten things that
0:26
Speaker 1: you need to forgit, we love and I get it too.
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Speaker 1: If I see an episode tired with that way, I'm like,
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Speaker 1: give me an exact list of how to do something.
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Speaker 1: I love a list, and I also love a list
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Speaker 1: that I actually write down and I cross out. It's
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Speaker 1: just there's nothing more satisfying than crossing out something on
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Speaker 1: a list versus ticking it off. People who tick it
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Speaker 1: off are way too relaxed, like you need to rap
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Speaker 1: it up a bit and you need to cross it out.
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Speaker 1: And people who like write lists like on digital things
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Speaker 1: like do you not have the joy of a notebook? Anyway?
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Speaker 1: That is how I feel, though. You should actually see
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Speaker 1: the lists and lists and lists that I have in
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Speaker 1: the notes of my phone, So I don't know I'm
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Speaker 1: a hypocrite. Today we're going to be talking about ten
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Speaker 1: things to let go off in order to be happier
1:11
Speaker 1: every day in your life. This is a list that
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Speaker 1: you can skim over literally every day, or you could
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Speaker 1: do it every couple of days, once a week, just
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Speaker 1: a little reminder, but it is a really nice thing
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Speaker 1: to just have top of mind so you're able to
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Speaker 1: relax a little bit more in your life. Apart from
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Speaker 1: when you're writing lists, you should not be relaxed. You
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Speaker 1: should be crossing them out very strongly. But the reason
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Speaker 1: I've done this is because a lot of these things
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Speaker 1: are things that over the last couple of years slash
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Speaker 1: maybe ten years, I have really been focusing on these
1:43
Speaker 1: things and putting these things into practice, and I think
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Speaker 1: it really does make a difference. Okay, whenever possible, I'm
1:48
Speaker 1: going to try and give personal examples of when I
1:51
Speaker 1: have applied these things into my life, and I want
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Speaker 1: you to pause and think have you done this in
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Speaker 1: your life and how it's actually helped you out. So
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Speaker 1: that's what we're going to be talking about. Life update.
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Speaker 1: Life is good. That's kind of the update. Oh, when
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Speaker 1: this episode is coming out, it's actually my sister's birthday
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Speaker 1: the twelfth June, So happy birthday, Pipe, I call her Pipe.
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Speaker 1: Long story. I don't know why, but happy birthday. Okay,
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Speaker 1: let's begin. Number one, we are letting go of performing
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Speaker 1: for people who don't know you or who don't care
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Speaker 1: about you. So we could look at this in a
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Speaker 1: huge realm of things. So number one, where you think
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Speaker 1: that you have to be a certain person or look
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Speaker 1: a certain way online, like on social media, where you
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Speaker 1: put more energy into showing up as a particular way
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Speaker 1: for someone you don't even know than you do for
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Speaker 1: showing up for yourself. Okay, that's what we're talking about.
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Speaker 1: Another example of performing for people who don't know you
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Speaker 1: or don't care is when you are too invested in
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Speaker 1: what your actions are looking like to someone you don't
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Speaker 1: even like, like an or someone you doesn't like you,
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Speaker 1: like an ex, for example, where you're curating your stories
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Speaker 1: because your ex might see what you've posted, or where
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Speaker 1: you've got to look like you're having a good time
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Speaker 1: or having whatever because your ex best friend is going
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Speaker 1: to see it and you want them to be jealous.
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Speaker 1: The amount of time and energy that that consumes that
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Speaker 1: you could be investing in people that actually like you,
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Speaker 1: or investing in yourself, or investing in doing something that's
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Speaker 1: actually just enjoyable. Where you don't have to mix all
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Speaker 1: these feelings alongside anxiety in order to feel like you've
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Speaker 1: done something with your time all day. We're letting go
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Speaker 1: of that. It is so unnecessary. And if you're someone
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Speaker 1: that listens to my you know, ten days to become
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Speaker 1: unbothered or whatever the whole thing was last year at
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Speaker 1: the start of the year, go check it out. If
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Speaker 1: you haven't already. Everybody loved that one. This is one
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Speaker 1: of the things that if you want to truly become unbothered.
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Speaker 1: This is how you're going to become unbothered. Stop performing
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Speaker 1: for people who don't know you and who don't care.
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Speaker 1: Unless it is actually your job to perform and that
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Speaker 1: is how you make money, then by all means, go
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Speaker 1: for gold. But apart from that, why And I'm also
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Speaker 1: not referring to someone who likes to get on social
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Speaker 1: media for the sake of entertainment to be funny. That's different.
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Speaker 1: You're getting something out of that. I'm saying, this performative
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Speaker 1: side of yourself that feels that they need to be
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Speaker 1: or show up as a certain version of themselves in
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Speaker 1: order to please someone. When that someone doesn't like might
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Speaker 1: see it and think something negative or positive, jealous for
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Speaker 1: about three seconds, and then they're moving on with your life.
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Speaker 1: And you've invested so much time and energy into that.
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Speaker 1: Number two checking up on people you don't know before
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Speaker 1: checking in on yourself. So I saw this thing on
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Speaker 1: social media. No, it wasn't even on social media. Even better,
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Speaker 1: it was on substack, and it was this thing of
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Speaker 1: make sure that you don't get in the habit of
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Speaker 1: logging onto Instagram the first thing you do when you
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Speaker 1: wake up to look at what other people are doing
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Speaker 1: with their lives before asking yourself what you're going to
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Speaker 1: be doing with your life in the morning, Like you
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Speaker 1: start your day and the first thing you're doing is like, oh,
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Speaker 1: what's everyone else doing with their life? No? No, okay,
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Speaker 1: So we're going to stop prioritizing what is this person
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Speaker 1: doing with at this time? Who's seeing who? And what's
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Speaker 1: this person doing on their holiday and what have they posted?
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Speaker 1: And I've got to be be catching up and no, okay,
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Speaker 1: it's fine to be on social media. It's fine to
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Speaker 1: see what other people are doing with their lives, but
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Speaker 1: not before you check in with yourself. That's why it's
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Speaker 1: so big. Also, while not getting on social media in
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Speaker 1: the first hour of the day if you can avoid it,
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Speaker 1: because it's for things like this, you want to make
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Speaker 1: sure that your first hour of the day is yours.
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Speaker 1: You're not kind of diluting that beautiful energy that you
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Speaker 1: have in the morning where you've just kind of there
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Speaker 1: isn't any momentum from the day before. It's a fresh start.
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Speaker 1: And the first thing we do is kind of, you know,
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Speaker 1: get bogged down in what other people are doing with
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Speaker 1: their lives. We're not doing that. Number three are the
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Speaker 1: people's business. Okay, We're letting go of things that don't
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Speaker 1: involve us unless someone wants us to be involved. Okay,
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Speaker 1: if someone says I need your help, I need your advice,
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Speaker 1: I need fine. And if someone's also really close to
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Speaker 1: you and going through a really hard time and you're
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Speaker 1: trying to help them because maybe they haven't asked for
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Speaker 1: the help it you know that they're in their hour
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Speaker 1: of need. Fine. But when we try to involve ourselves
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Speaker 1: in other people's business to the extent that we are
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Speaker 1: spending too much time thinking about it, this is like
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Speaker 1: where gossiping gets too much, or where we take what
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Speaker 1: other people are doing so seriously that it's eating up
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Speaker 1: into our own peace of mind. Don't involve yourself unless
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Speaker 1: it is needed or unless it is desired, and then
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Speaker 1: other Apart from that, I'm just gonna peacefully sit here.
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Speaker 1: Another thing is you know when you when someone asks
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Speaker 1: for your advice and they're looking for, you know, different
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Speaker 1: different opinions and different things, just to decide what they're
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Speaker 1: going to do with their life. And you offer up
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Speaker 1: the advice and they don't take the advice, and you
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Speaker 1: get so offended by that. Why they're not saying, hey,
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Speaker 1: can you absolutely solve all my problems? And I'm going
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Speaker 1: to take anything you say on board. They're asking, what's
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Speaker 1: your advice? They don't have to take it. Some people
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Speaker 1: get so butt hurt when someone doesn't take their advice.
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Speaker 1: It's like advice is just an offering. They don't have
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Speaker 1: to take it, and it's not a personal attack. Don't
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Speaker 1: get all offended and don't get all involved if they
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Speaker 1: don't want to take it, Like we're more unbothered. We
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Speaker 1: need to step away and care less. Still give the advice,
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Speaker 1: Still tell them what you want to say, if it's
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Speaker 1: warranted and if it's solicited. But I need to like
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Speaker 1: step away from other people's problems. I've given my advice,
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Speaker 1: especially when they ask for it. So I've done my partner.
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Speaker 1: I feel good. And if they don't take my advice,
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Speaker 1: it's because a they don't see it the way I
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Speaker 1: see it. It's not appropriate for their position. See, it's
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Speaker 1: just not good fucking advice. And obviously I think it's
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Speaker 1: good advice because I'm giving it, but maybe they're looking
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Speaker 1: at it from a completely different lens, being like this
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Speaker 1: can't has no fucking idea what they're talking about. Okay,
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Speaker 1: Number four, putting way too much attention on this biometric
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Speaker 1: data that makes you lose touch off your own instincts.
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Speaker 1: An example of this is I was using and mind You.
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Speaker 1: I actually loved it, and I've given this as a
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Speaker 1: voucher to my cousin who's about to have a baby.
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Speaker 1: But I was using that Huckleberry app when the babies
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Speaker 1: were born to track they're like feeding, they're sleeping, their whatever.
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Speaker 1: And then it got to a point where I was
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Speaker 1: like paying too much attention to what the app was saying.
8:49
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, well they ate it this time,
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Speaker 1: and then now it's going to be it's two hours
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Speaker 1: and forty five minutes since they last ate, so I've
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Speaker 1: got to start getting and then I'm like, wait a minute,
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Speaker 1: Wait a fucking minute, what were people doing before this app?
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Speaker 1: I understand that you can't say that about everything, because
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Speaker 1: there are advancements that we have that actually serve a purpose.
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Speaker 1: And mind you, this app helped me massively because when
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Speaker 1: you're juggling twins and who fed last, and who this
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Speaker 1: unlimited sleep? It was really really good and I loved it.
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Speaker 1: But it got to a point where once I had
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Speaker 1: gotten my bearings, once I'd gotten used to having twins
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Speaker 1: and the feeding and whatever, I started thinking, I'm using
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Speaker 1: this outweigh too much and I'm not leaning on my
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Speaker 1: instincts anymore, and I don't want to do that, and
9:27
Speaker 1: I don't want it to become a problem where I'm
9:29
Speaker 1: then the app becomes a crutch. So I stopped using
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Speaker 1: it at a time that I felt comfortable to stop
9:35
Speaker 1: using it, obviously, and I feel like I never missed it,
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Speaker 1: not for a second. You hear about people that wear
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Speaker 1: these sleep trackers, Like I was talking to my best
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Speaker 1: friend live about this thing, and she said, you know what,
9:47
Speaker 1: I think a lot of this sleep data and whatever.
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Speaker 1: It's good to have the information but sometimes it causes
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Speaker 1: a bit of a placebo, but for the wrong So,
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Speaker 1: for example, if you've had like a relatively average sleep,
10:04
Speaker 1: but you wake up and you're like, oh, I didn't
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Speaker 1: have the best sleep, but you're in good spirits, and
10:08
Speaker 1: you're like, you know what, I'm in a good mood.
10:09
Speaker 1: It's fine if I need to sleep later, if I
10:11
Speaker 1: need to catch up on sleep because I'm tired and
10:12
Speaker 1: I'm listening to my body's cues, maybe I'll have a
10:14
Speaker 1: nap laate, or maybe I'll go to bed earlier tonight, whatever,
10:16
Speaker 1: and you just carry on. But if you've got this
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Speaker 1: data telling you you've had a really bad sleep, you've
10:21
Speaker 1: got a sleep score of fucking below ten, fucking minus
10:24
Speaker 1: one hundred and all this shit, you're then going to
10:27
Speaker 1: be like, oh, my sleep score is really bad. Oh,
10:28
Speaker 1: and then you're carrying that with you throughout the day.
10:30
Speaker 1: You're focusing way too heavily on this. This is what
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Speaker 1: I was talking to. I'm not saying everyone, but Live
10:34
Speaker 1: was saying this. She says, sometimes you focus so heavily
10:37
Speaker 1: on what the sleep score was, and it makes you
10:40
Speaker 1: believe that you're you feel shitter. Then maybe you would
10:43
Speaker 1: have felt if you didn't have this thing telling you
10:45
Speaker 1: you actually slept really poorly, by the way, really really poorly,
10:48
Speaker 1: it was actually worse than yesterday. So if you felt
10:50
Speaker 1: bad yesterday, you're gonna feel it worse today. It's almost like,
10:53
Speaker 1: why did I just listen to my body? It's all
10:55
Speaker 1: well and good to do a bit of sleep study,
10:59
Speaker 1: maybe if you're snorre or if you got sleep aupnear
11:01
Speaker 1: and things like that. I think it's important to get
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Speaker 1: that data. But it gets to a point where you're like,
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Speaker 1: am I looking at all these little things way too heavily?
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Speaker 1: Am I looking at my body as just this? How
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Speaker 1: can I compile all this data and have all this
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Speaker 1: biometrics to tell me what I need to be doing?
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Speaker 1: And then I lose sight of my own instincts about
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Speaker 1: my own body. For example, I didn't want to lose
11:24
Speaker 1: that instinctive thing as a mum of when I'm going
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Speaker 1: to be feeding the babies or when that you know,
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Speaker 1: I should be able to and I can read their cues.
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Speaker 1: Why do I need an app telling me everything? So
11:35
Speaker 1: I found that once I got the hang of things,
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Speaker 1: I was like, I need to just get off this
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Speaker 1: app because then it's just going to be this weird
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Speaker 1: crutch that I don't actually need, so we can lean
11:44
Speaker 1: into our instincts a little bit more. I got to
11:46
Speaker 1: a point where I felt really weird without my Apple Watch.
11:50
Speaker 1: But then I'm like, I don't do anything without data,
11:52
Speaker 1: so why am I feeling weird without it? So then
11:54
Speaker 1: I've purposely will just not wear it for one day
11:57
Speaker 1: just to get used to just having days where I'm
11:58
Speaker 1: just not wearing it, and it really that make a difference.
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Speaker 1: It does not impact my life whatsoever when I miss
12:04
Speaker 1: a full day and I feel a little bit naked
12:05
Speaker 1: for about an hour without it, and then I can
12:07
Speaker 1: move on. Since number five, keeping up specifically on social media,
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Speaker 1: this is my personal flavor of the year. If you've
12:17
Speaker 1: heard my whole thing on why, I'm like leaning heavily
12:21
Speaker 1: into substack by the way, I've had so many if
12:23
Speaker 1: you subscribe to my substack newsletter, and I'm loving that.
12:26
Speaker 1: I'm loving being on there, I'm loving all you guys
12:29
Speaker 1: joining me for the journey. So if you haven't already,
12:32
Speaker 1: then go to my substack, which is Notes on the
12:35
Speaker 1: Mind dot substack dot com. Go check it out. If
12:38
Speaker 1: I'm assessed to myself. It's fabulous. I mean, we're only
12:42
Speaker 1: like a few articles in, but there's going to be
12:44
Speaker 1: a whole catalog of articles, which is really exciting. But
12:47
Speaker 1: that's where my flavor of the year is. This idea
12:50
Speaker 1: of keeping up on social media. I still love a
12:53
Speaker 1: lot of aspects of social media, and I still want
12:55
Speaker 1: to use it, but I'm starting to use it more
12:58
Speaker 1: in a sense that's really fulfilling for me, in a
13:01
Speaker 1: sense that when I get online and I get on
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Speaker 1: social media, I feel like, oh, this is my warm,
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Speaker 1: cozy place where I following the people that make me
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Speaker 1: feel good and where I'm interacting with my friends, and
13:09
Speaker 1: when I'm posting things that are just my favorite things,
13:12
Speaker 1: and then I'm off. You know. So this idea of
13:15
Speaker 1: having to keep up having to be on every single
13:17
Speaker 1: trend trends are good, but you don't have to be
13:19
Speaker 1: on every trend. Be on the trends that are relevant
13:22
Speaker 1: for you. If you've got a business or a personal
13:24
Speaker 1: brand that you're trying to grow online, you don't have
13:26
Speaker 1: to have every fucking trend. I was listening to another
13:29
Speaker 1: or I was reading another article on Subtec where people
13:31
Speaker 1: were saying, you know, it's all well and good to
13:33
Speaker 1: go viral, but if you went viral for something that
13:35
Speaker 1: is so irrelevant to your brand, you've gained nothing. Okay,
13:40
Speaker 1: because people aren't then gonna stay for all the other
13:43
Speaker 1: shit that you have to provide. You know, sometimes you'll
13:45
Speaker 1: see a video that goes like crazy viral, then you
13:47
Speaker 1: click on the account and they've got fuck all followers
13:51
Speaker 1: because people aren't then following through and being like I
13:53
Speaker 1: want to follow everything this person does. It's just that
13:55
Speaker 1: one video. So if you've got to go viral, fine,
13:58
Speaker 1: but try and make it something that's relevant to you
14:00
Speaker 1: personal brand. And if not, the don't gets so caught
14:03
Speaker 1: up in having to keep up with every single trend.
14:05
Speaker 1: Do the trends that actually work for you or aligned
14:08
Speaker 1: for you. And the caveat to this is or unless
14:12
Speaker 1: you just absolutely fucking love doing trends and it fills
14:15
Speaker 1: up your cup, then do it. Obviously. Number five blaming
14:20
Speaker 1: other things as a reason for not moving ahead in life. Okay, firstly,
14:26
Speaker 1: you don't have to move ahead in life, and you
14:28
Speaker 1: don't have to take the blame either, But this idea
14:31
Speaker 1: of feeling stuck because of something is going to make
14:36
Speaker 1: you harbor animosity. There might have been things that have
14:40
Speaker 1: happened that's caused you to fall back in life, that's
14:46
Speaker 1: caused you to slow down, or you know, there's been
14:51
Speaker 1: hurdles in your life. Maybe you had a really horrible divorce,
14:54
Speaker 1: Maybe you had this awful partner. Maybe you got really
14:58
Speaker 1: sick and it was a big pause in your life,
15:01
Speaker 1: and then it started. Maybe and all these things happened.
15:03
Speaker 1: Maybe you made a bad decision. Maybe you were caught
15:05
Speaker 1: up in the wrong crowd. Maybe you had the sunk
15:08
Speaker 1: cost fallacy, and you stayed in a career for way
15:09
Speaker 1: too long, and then whatever, maybe your parents pressured you
15:12
Speaker 1: so heavily into a career and then you did it
15:15
Speaker 1: for a few years and then you fell behind because
15:17
Speaker 1: it's not what you wanted. All these things, these things
15:20
Speaker 1: are legitimate things, and there are real reasons as to
15:22
Speaker 1: why you fall in behind, But make sure you don't
15:26
Speaker 1: bang on about that thing as to why you're stuck
15:29
Speaker 1: in life and why you're not moving forward. It's something
15:32
Speaker 1: that we're acknowledging as a real thing that's happened, and
15:34
Speaker 1: you were a victim to that thing. But are you
15:37
Speaker 1: going to continue to be the victim and be victimized
15:41
Speaker 1: because of what happened to you. Where you continue to
15:43
Speaker 1: put any power that you could have to redirect where
15:46
Speaker 1: you're heading in life, you keep putting it on that thing.
15:48
Speaker 1: Oh well, I would be able to have nice relationships
15:51
Speaker 1: if my ex hadn't fucked me over and ruined my
15:53
Speaker 1: ability to trust. Oh will, it'd be nice if I
15:55
Speaker 1: could actually start a career that I wanted, if my
15:57
Speaker 1: parents hadn't fact. And it's like, no one's saying that
16:00
Speaker 1: where you're in is a bad position or a difficult position.
16:03
Speaker 1: But pay attention to your language, pay attention to how
16:07
Speaker 1: much energy you're putting on making sure that the blame
16:09
Speaker 1: is on this person, the blame they are to blame.
16:11
Speaker 1: But are we going to bang on about it? And
16:13
Speaker 1: are we going to keep saying that the reason I
16:15
Speaker 1: haven't been able to do anything extra with my life
16:18
Speaker 1: that I would have wanted to do is because of this.
16:19
Speaker 1: It is because of this, because that's where we keep
16:22
Speaker 1: giving the new power that we're getting now, with time,
16:26
Speaker 1: with wisdom, with knowledge, with how we evolve, with the
16:30
Speaker 1: new resources that we have in our life. Are we
16:32
Speaker 1: throwing all of that away continuously not seeing opportunities when
16:36
Speaker 1: they do present themselves because we keep beating the old
16:39
Speaker 1: drum saying, well, I can't move forward because this happened,
16:43
Speaker 1: So really pay attention. You have to acknowledge that certain
16:46
Speaker 1: things can be true at the same time this was
16:50
Speaker 1: done to me, This has happened to me, and this
16:52
Speaker 1: is fucked, and I can acknowledge that. I'm not saying, oh,
16:55
Speaker 1: forgive and forget. You don't have to, not at all.
16:57
Speaker 1: If you don't want to, don't, but don't then keep
17:01
Speaker 1: dragging that into your future saying I can't do anything
17:04
Speaker 1: in the future because of this has happened. Just be
17:06
Speaker 1: really careful with your language, because you will hear it
17:08
Speaker 1: and believe it and believe it and believe it, and
17:10
Speaker 1: you'll keep going around and round and round and round. Okay,
17:14
Speaker 1: you can look at what has happened as an eye
17:18
Speaker 1: opening experience, as a redirection, as a really difficult lesson,
17:24
Speaker 1: as a way of gaining wisdom, as a fast track
17:28
Speaker 1: to maturity and growth because you had to. You can
17:32
Speaker 1: look at all the ways that you yourself have grown
17:35
Speaker 1: and you can thank yourself for that, for that difficult
17:37
Speaker 1: thing that happened. But basically, these people in the past
17:39
Speaker 1: shouldn't be taking up prime real estate in your mind.
17:41
Speaker 1: When you're trying to make plans for your future, you
17:44
Speaker 1: need to be focusing on yourself and what you want
17:46
Speaker 1: to be doing in your future, and what the people
17:49
Speaker 1: that fucked you shouldn't also be fucking your future. All right, cool?
17:54
Speaker 1: Number six I think is it was seven one two?
17:59
Speaker 1: Number seven. This is a big one. This is my
18:02
Speaker 1: favorite one, and I'm going to do a whole episode
18:03
Speaker 1: on it later. But being miserable as a personality trait,
18:07
Speaker 1: I've actually got an episode planned coming up about this.
18:10
Speaker 1: People that are miserable as a personality trait. Now, notice
18:13
Speaker 1: how I said trait, personality trait, and it's not a disorder.
18:16
Speaker 1: We're not talking about depression here. We're not talking about
18:19
Speaker 1: people with actual depression. We're talking about the people who
18:21
Speaker 1: are miserable, who are choosing to be miserable. And a
18:24
Speaker 1: great example of this is when someone says, oh, I've
18:27
Speaker 1: got this problem, and you know, fucking this happened, and
18:30
Speaker 1: this happened and around and it's ruining this and you say,
18:32
Speaker 1: all right, how can I help? Maybe we can do this,
18:35
Speaker 1: maybe I can help you in this way. Maybe no, no, no, no,
18:38
Speaker 1: it's just oh, it's just a no, that's not gonna work. No,
18:41
Speaker 1: And then you actually give them multiple ideas for a solution,
18:44
Speaker 1: and then you say, well, do you want a solution
18:46
Speaker 1: or do you just want to vent? And they're like no, no, no,
18:48
Speaker 1: like I do want it to And then you can
18:49
Speaker 1: tell they I don't want a solution, And they also
18:52
Speaker 1: don't even want to like vent proactively, because every time
18:56
Speaker 1: you see them, they're banging about the same shit, banging
18:58
Speaker 1: on about the same shit, complaining about the same s
19:00
Speaker 1: and you're like, what about this? What about that? No, no, no, no, no, no,
19:04
Speaker 1: nothing is ever good enough. They're not willing to try
19:06
Speaker 1: something different. They just want to sit in this misery.
19:09
Speaker 1: They also like to bring the conversation down where other
19:13
Speaker 1: people are talking about their miseries as well. That's kind
19:16
Speaker 1: of where they feel most comfortable, where people are kind
19:18
Speaker 1: of in this melting pot of miseries and their confers
19:21
Speaker 1: to first a festa d rot rot in this thing okay.
19:24
Speaker 1: And then you feel when you hang around those people
19:28
Speaker 1: drained and exhausted. It might be entertaining, but it's draining
19:31
Speaker 1: and it's exhausting when everything is about, oh woe is me?
19:35
Speaker 1: This problem that and look at that person that can't
19:37
Speaker 1: you believe that they've done that, and I can't believe
19:38
Speaker 1: that they've done that. They can't just let go of
19:41
Speaker 1: other people just living their life. They are miserable as
19:44
Speaker 1: a personality trait, and it's easy to slip into it,
19:48
Speaker 1: and you kind of need a bit of a wake
19:50
Speaker 1: up call to snap out of it, because sometimes it's
19:54
Speaker 1: hard to just out of the blue being like, well,
19:55
Speaker 1: I'm going to change because it's a slippery slope and
19:57
Speaker 1: it gets easier and easy and easy, and like a track,
20:00
Speaker 1: like similar thoughts attract similar thoughts. Miserable people attract miserable people,
20:04
Speaker 1: and then you're kind of in this little misery ditch
20:07
Speaker 1: and it's kind of a little bit hard to climb
20:08
Speaker 1: out of it. So we are done being miserable as
20:11
Speaker 1: a personality trait. And when something is a personality trait,
20:14
Speaker 1: it can be changed. This is not a disorder. We're
20:17
Speaker 1: not talking about clinical depression here. They're very different. Okay.
20:21
Speaker 1: Miserable is an attitude. Depression is a mental health condition.
20:25
Speaker 1: So yeah, the next one third, last one, number eight,
20:32
Speaker 1: imposter syndrome. We are letting go of imposter syndrome and
20:37
Speaker 1: The reason for this is you are either an impostor
20:40
Speaker 1: or you're not. So is it imposter syndrome or are
20:44
Speaker 1: you actually an impostor? And if you are, just admit
20:49
Speaker 1: you're an impostor. When people say fake it till you
20:52
Speaker 1: make it and I feel imposter. If you're faking it,
20:54
Speaker 1: you are an impost kunt, sorry, but you are. It's
20:56
Speaker 1: not the worst thing in the world. I'm not saying
20:58
Speaker 1: you can never be an imposter. Sometimes you actually in
21:00
Speaker 1: certain scenarios in your life, you have to fake it.
21:02
Speaker 1: And once you acknowledge I'm actually faking it, that's why
21:04
Speaker 1: I feel so uncomfortable. That's normal, that's appropriate. If I'm
21:10
Speaker 1: faking being something until it feels real, it is appropriate
21:15
Speaker 1: an appropriate emotional response for me to have quote unquote
21:19
Speaker 1: imposter syndrome. I'm going to feel like an impost because
21:22
Speaker 1: I fucking am an impostor. So how oh, how do
21:25
Speaker 1: I get over feeling sweat? You can't because you are
21:29
Speaker 1: faking it, And that's fine. So whether you're faking it
21:33
Speaker 1: in a good way, like I'm going to fake confidence
21:35
Speaker 1: until I get there, that's great. But don't question why
21:38
Speaker 1: you feel a little bit weird or uncomfortable because that's
21:41
Speaker 1: a normal response. It's a normal physiological response when you
21:44
Speaker 1: are faking something, when you are an impost. And then
21:46
Speaker 1: you'll realize, Okay, I'm just going to get over that.
21:48
Speaker 1: The more I do it, the better I'm going to
21:50
Speaker 1: get it. The more I do it, the better I get,
21:52
Speaker 1: and then I no longer be an impost I'll no
21:54
Speaker 1: longer be faking it because I've made it. But when
21:57
Speaker 1: people talk about imposter syndrome when they're actually qualified for something,
22:03
Speaker 1: that's something we've got to learn to let go of.
22:06
Speaker 1: And I've got a whole episode on that, so I'm
22:08
Speaker 1: not just throwing it out there and not giving you
22:09
Speaker 1: any tools. I do have an entire episode on imposter syndrome,
22:12
Speaker 1: So just look up imposter syndrome and it should come up.
22:14
Speaker 1: I'm gonna link it. I'm going to link in my
22:16
Speaker 1: show notes And just looking at Shanaia and she's like, yeah,
22:19
Speaker 1: that's kind. But yeah, that's a big one because I
22:23
Speaker 1: think that I mean, without going into crazy detail, because
22:27
Speaker 1: it is its whole entire episode, But when we struggle
22:30
Speaker 1: with imposter syndrome, we fail to look at how many
22:35
Speaker 1: other people feel in that way. There's many people that
22:37
Speaker 1: when they're working alongside other people that are super qualified
22:40
Speaker 1: in what they're doing, might think, God, how am I here?
22:44
Speaker 1: How have I gotten here? I shouldn't be here. But
22:47
Speaker 1: you have to then counteract these thoughts of anxiety telling
22:50
Speaker 1: you that you're not good enough with logic. Often, and
22:53
Speaker 1: this is what I spoke about in my episode a
22:55
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago or a couple of episodes ago.
22:57
Speaker 1: When we talk about a regulated nervous system, this ability,
23:00
Speaker 1: this interaction between high anxious states or high performance states
23:04
Speaker 1: and calm, rest and digest states, and it's this back
23:07
Speaker 1: and forth within the brain to be able to say, oh,
23:10
Speaker 1: I don't feel like it's like, wait a minute, I
23:12
Speaker 1: got hired based on my qualifications. None of what I
23:15
Speaker 1: had on my CV was a lie. I actually am qualified.
23:18
Speaker 1: I'm feeling this way because it's a new environment or
23:20
Speaker 1: the people around me are super talented in what they do.
23:23
Speaker 1: But I'm not unqualified, nor am I underqualified. So I
23:27
Speaker 1: have to just remind myself that every single person that
23:30
Speaker 1: is around me, all my peers that are absolutely killing
23:33
Speaker 1: in the field, have been novices, then they've been intermediate,
23:36
Speaker 1: and then they've been advanced, so we are all where
23:39
Speaker 1: we are supposed to be in our journey of learning,
23:42
Speaker 1: and then you start counteracting these feelings. Okay, but this
23:46
Speaker 1: idea of feeling like an impost I think is very
23:50
Speaker 1: prevalent in women, especially, not saying men don't have it,
23:54
Speaker 1: but it's very common in women. And it's often because
23:58
Speaker 1: women feel like they have to always go above and beyond,
24:01
Speaker 1: above and beyond before they're remotely qualified for something, whereas
24:05
Speaker 1: men in general, without wanting to generalize, but I'm going
24:08
Speaker 1: to generalize, often do get further in life because they
24:11
Speaker 1: just have the audacity. And I'm not saying that's a
24:14
Speaker 1: bad thing, but they're just like, I'll put my hand
24:15
Speaker 1: off to do it. I think I can do it,
24:16
Speaker 1: I can run. They're not burdened by these thoughts of like,
24:21
Speaker 1: oh but what if I've got to make sure that
24:23
Speaker 1: it's good and I've got to make sure that it's
24:25
Speaker 1: good enough, whereas women in general are and it's based
24:27
Speaker 1: on how upbringing, it's based on our conditioning and all
24:29
Speaker 1: of that. But ask yourself, why don't all these middle
24:33
Speaker 1: aged white men have imposter syndrome because they've got the
24:35
Speaker 1: fucking audacity. So you just need to be a little
24:37
Speaker 1: bit more unhinged and say, you know what, fuck it,
24:40
Speaker 1: why not? Why not me? You know those people that,
24:44
Speaker 1: how's me going on a fucking tangent? But you know
24:46
Speaker 1: those people that You'll look at someone who started a
24:49
Speaker 1: business and you think, what's so special about that business?
24:53
Speaker 1: I've seen five other people do it. It's not that unique.
24:56
Speaker 1: It's not that whatever I could do that I could,
24:59
Speaker 1: but you didn't, did you? You didn't? And they did so
25:03
Speaker 1: many times. Someone who's less qualified than you, less creative
25:06
Speaker 1: than you, who has less resources than you, has gone
25:09
Speaker 1: and done that thing. And then you look at it
25:10
Speaker 1: being like I could have done it. Yeah you could have,
25:12
Speaker 1: And what is your point? What is your point? Finish
25:16
Speaker 1: the sentence? You could have done it, but you didn't.
25:20
Speaker 1: No one's stopping you. Especially if you point to someone
25:22
Speaker 1: who you think is shitter than you saying, can't believe
25:26
Speaker 1: they did it. I could have done it, then you
25:27
Speaker 1: have no fucking excuse. So that's that whole idea of like,
25:31
Speaker 1: and I'm not trying to put you down, it's actually
25:33
Speaker 1: trying to empower you. It's that whole idea of when
25:36
Speaker 1: you see someone thinking like I can't believe they got there.
25:39
Speaker 1: I can't believe these people are my managers when they're
25:41
Speaker 1: less qualified. That should give you fire under your belly,
25:44
Speaker 1: being like on under your ass or whatever the saying
25:46
Speaker 1: is to be like if they can do it, I
25:49
Speaker 1: can do it. If they can get there, purely based
25:51
Speaker 1: on like this attitude of like, why not, I'll just
25:53
Speaker 1: put myself in the ring. I'm gonna start behaving that
25:55
Speaker 1: way too. So part of it is not about faking that.
25:58
Speaker 1: Part of it is like I'm more than qualified, but
26:01
Speaker 1: I'm just not putting my hand up enough times. I'm
26:03
Speaker 1: just not putting myself in these rings enough times. I'm
26:05
Speaker 1: not reaching out and contacting these people. You think that
26:08
Speaker 1: you're going to reach out and contact someone them be like, no,
26:10
Speaker 1: you need ten more years of experience. You'd be pleasantly
26:12
Speaker 1: surprised at how often people are like, yeah, come join
26:14
Speaker 1: this research group or come join this thing, or come
26:17
Speaker 1: come whatever. So that's that one. Second last one is
26:25
Speaker 1: living your life too heavily in like behind a screen
26:28
Speaker 1: or in planning mode or in like vision boarding mode,
26:32
Speaker 1: which I do love the vision board by the way,
26:36
Speaker 1: and not living your life enough. So what I mean
26:39
Speaker 1: by This is people that get so bogged down and like,
26:42
Speaker 1: this is my plan, this is how I'm going to
26:44
Speaker 1: plan it out, this is going to flesh it out,
26:45
Speaker 1: this is the vision board, this is my business plan,
26:47
Speaker 1: and this this, And they spend so much time looking
26:52
Speaker 1: at these plans for the future, writing down their plans
26:54
Speaker 1: for the future, rewriting, coming up with ideas for the future.
26:58
Speaker 1: It's all for the future, the future, the future, the
26:59
Speaker 1: future of the future. And how much of that time
27:02
Speaker 1: is actually spent living in the now, enjoying the now,
27:06
Speaker 1: making the most of these little moments now. So this
27:09
Speaker 1: is something that you need a balance between the two.
27:13
Speaker 1: I love knowing what I want, and it's important to
27:15
Speaker 1: have that clarity too, because when we don't know what
27:17
Speaker 1: we want, we're kind of floating around. It's the planning
27:20
Speaker 1: is really really good, but limit it. It gets to
27:23
Speaker 1: a point where you're like, how much of this business
27:26
Speaker 1: plan do I need to plan out before I start
27:28
Speaker 1: actually reaching out to people and contacting people and taking
27:31
Speaker 1: action on starting that thing. How much do I need
27:34
Speaker 1: to vision board my twenty twenty seven before I actually
27:37
Speaker 1: can start living twenty twenty six. How much time and
27:41
Speaker 1: energy and effort am I going. It's so much our
27:44
Speaker 1: lives are spent in the planning phase because that's where
27:47
Speaker 1: it's safe and comfortable. But then we never really live
27:52
Speaker 1: our life. We never have the highs and the lows
27:55
Speaker 1: that we have the lows because we're unsatisfied because we're
27:58
Speaker 1: not out there living. But these highs that life has
28:01
Speaker 1: to offer us as well. So much off our future
28:04
Speaker 1: happens in the moment, happens in these little interactions in life,
28:07
Speaker 1: with these experiences that teach us things that we just
28:10
Speaker 1: have to do more of getting out more, getting outside more.
28:14
Speaker 1: Stop listening to a thousand different pieces of advice to
28:17
Speaker 1: like do this this way and that without just actually
28:20
Speaker 1: going out there and living, have these conversations, meet up
28:22
Speaker 1: with people more, just living your life, because then another
28:26
Speaker 1: thing that's going to happen is like, this is why
28:28
Speaker 1: I don't do a I don't have a five year
28:30
Speaker 1: plan and I don't have a ten year plan. I
28:32
Speaker 1: just have set things that I want to have in
28:34
Speaker 1: my life, but I don't put time frames and I
28:36
Speaker 1: don't have This is exactly what my life is going
28:38
Speaker 1: to look like in this time. Not that it's a
28:39
Speaker 1: bad thing, it's just that based on my life experience,
28:42
Speaker 1: I've had so many curve balls and so many pivots, pivots, curveball,
28:46
Speaker 1: pivot that I've still done what I wanted to do,
28:48
Speaker 1: but it's rarely been exactly how I want to do it.
28:51
Speaker 1: So it's nice to know what you want. But when
28:53
Speaker 1: you get two tangled up in the how and the when,
28:57
Speaker 1: and you're so caught up in all the tiny d
29:00
Speaker 1: I think it can sometimes block you from seeing other
29:03
Speaker 1: opportunities and from being more spontaneous in your life. I
29:06
Speaker 1: do believe that leaning into a bit of spontaneity in
29:09
Speaker 1: your life is going to make your life a whole
29:10
Speaker 1: lot more fulfilling, because that's where like the really pleasant
29:13
Speaker 1: surprises are. That's when you can uncover all these really
29:17
Speaker 1: beautiful moments in your life when you're less tangled up
29:20
Speaker 1: on the how and the why. Certain pathways do require
29:23
Speaker 1: very tedious planning, but there's other things in life that
29:25
Speaker 1: don't require that much planning. And that's where you need
29:28
Speaker 1: to lean into knowing what you want, but don't get
29:31
Speaker 1: caught up in the how and the when for a
29:34
Speaker 1: lot of things. And then last one number ten needing
29:40
Speaker 1: to relate in order to care or in order to
29:43
Speaker 1: be interested. So many people are so caught up in
29:45
Speaker 1: like this is unrelatable. I can't relate to that. I
29:48
Speaker 1: can't relate to that. So therefore I'm going to comment
29:51
Speaker 1: on your thing, or I'm going to say to you
29:53
Speaker 1: that's so unrelatable. This is really unrelatable. This is who cares?
29:57
Speaker 1: If you don't actually like the content of some don't engage.
30:01
Speaker 1: That's fine, But why do we have to relate in
30:04
Speaker 1: order to be able to engage with something that's bullshit?
30:08
Speaker 1: And you know it's bullshit because I'll watch a TV
30:12
Speaker 1: show about an assassin. I'm not a fucking assassin. I
30:14
Speaker 1: can't relate, but I have a really good time watching it.
30:18
Speaker 1: I people how fucking famous of the Kardashians and keeping
30:21
Speaker 1: up with the Kardashians. Most of their audience cannot relate
30:24
Speaker 1: to that lifestyle. Love their lifestyle. The fucking most of
30:28
Speaker 1: reality TV. People can't relate, but they love it. People
30:30
Speaker 1: just love to People love to just make it about themselves.
30:33
Speaker 1: Let's not make it about ourselves. Why do we have
30:35
Speaker 1: to relate in order to get if we actually don't,
30:36
Speaker 1: if the content is boring or whatever, then just don't engage.
30:39
Speaker 1: It's not about you just don't engage. It's not that
30:42
Speaker 1: hard stop making we have to. People have to insert
30:45
Speaker 1: themselves in everything, being like, well I don't fucking I
30:48
Speaker 1: don't like this, then don't watch it, you know. And
30:53
Speaker 1: I feel like this need to relate is getting bigger
30:56
Speaker 1: and bigger and bigger, and it becomes super divisive because
31:00
Speaker 1: then it also leans into other areas of our life,
31:03
Speaker 1: not just an entertainment media, but it leans into things
31:06
Speaker 1: like political views. If you hear someone talking about political
31:11
Speaker 1: views and you're like, can't not that to that person
31:13
Speaker 1: or that person's way more privileged than me, so of
31:15
Speaker 1: course they're going to feel that way, So I'm not
31:16
Speaker 1: going to engage. I'm not going to and then I'll
31:17
Speaker 1: ignore them. And why do we always have to relate?
31:21
Speaker 1: It's important to listen. I think the political landscape not
31:25
Speaker 1: to get to political, but I'm going to get political.
31:27
Speaker 1: In many countries around the world, not just Australia, is
31:30
Speaker 1: more and more divided because when we hear something that's
31:34
Speaker 1: not what we like or whatever, we get annoyed and
31:37
Speaker 1: get angry and we think everything about it is bad
31:40
Speaker 1: instead of thinking I'm not agree with that political party,
31:44
Speaker 1: but maybe it's a smart idea for me to lean
31:48
Speaker 1: into and learn as much as I can about the
31:50
Speaker 1: people that would be voting for the party that I
31:53
Speaker 1: wouldn't vote for, and why is that, Why do they
31:56
Speaker 1: value these things and what does it provide for them?
31:58
Speaker 1: And what if you could have a better conversation across both,
32:03
Speaker 1: you know, opposing parties, and not just politically, but in
32:06
Speaker 1: many areas of your life and not needing to relate
32:10
Speaker 1: but seeking to understand, I think you would feel so
32:14
Speaker 1: much calmer in your life. You would feel so much
32:16
Speaker 1: more connected with other people. Because if your goal is
32:19
Speaker 1: to seek to understand, not agree, but to understand where
32:22
Speaker 1: someone's coming from, you're going to be a lot kinder,
32:25
Speaker 1: a lot calmer, a lot happier. You're going to be
32:28
Speaker 1: a lot more emotionally mature and intelligent because you are
32:33
Speaker 1: able to see the broader picture and you are able
32:35
Speaker 1: to kind of understand people and their emotions and where
32:39
Speaker 1: they're coming from and kind of the landscape of fucking everything.
32:42
Speaker 1: So we're letting go of getting caught up in, you know,
32:47
Speaker 1: needing to relate in order to care or in order
32:50
Speaker 1: to be interested, because it's a fucking lie that you
32:52
Speaker 1: tell yourself, because there's many things in our life that
32:55
Speaker 1: we don't have to relate to. If it's entertaining enough,
32:58
Speaker 1: we're interested and will engage and will give them our
33:00
Speaker 1: attention and will give them all the time of day.
33:02
Speaker 1: It's only where we're like, ooh no, that struck a chord,
33:05
Speaker 1: and I'm going to use the excuse of I can't relate,
33:07
Speaker 1: I don't want to, that struck a chord. Whatever. So
33:09
Speaker 1: it's we're trying to flip it. Don't make it this
33:12
Speaker 1: individualistic thing. Make it more of a bigger picture thing
33:17
Speaker 1: where we can be like, I don't have to agree
33:19
Speaker 1: with you, but how can I understand where you're coming from?
33:22
Speaker 1: And therefore my opinion for you will hopefully change for
33:26
Speaker 1: the better and we can kind of find some something
33:29
Speaker 1: we can be at peace with, even if there isn't
33:30
Speaker 1: necessarily common ground. Colby. Those are the ten so in summary.
33:36
Speaker 1: Number one, performing for people who don't know you or
33:39
Speaker 1: who don't care about you like that X. Stop putting
33:41
Speaker 1: first chops on your stories for your X. Put them
33:43
Speaker 1: up for other people, but not for your ex. Number
33:45
Speaker 1: two checking up on people you don't know before checking
33:49
Speaker 1: in with yourself as in social media in the morning,
33:51
Speaker 1: looking at other people's lives instead of looking into your
33:53
Speaker 1: own life. Number three getting involved in other people's business
33:57
Speaker 1: and problems. Don't involve yourself unless it's desired before, getting
34:00
Speaker 1: so caught up in biometric data that you lose touch
34:03
Speaker 1: with your own instincts about yourself or about your abilities.
34:07
Speaker 1: Number five keeping up on social media. Number six blaming
34:14
Speaker 1: other things and people as a reason for not being
34:16
Speaker 1: able to proceed forward with your life. Number seven being
34:20
Speaker 1: miserable as a personality trait. Number eight impost syndrome. You're
34:24
Speaker 1: either an imposter or you're not. Number nine living your
34:28
Speaker 1: life behind you know, planning and your five year plan
34:32
Speaker 1: and your vision board and all of that instead of
34:33
Speaker 1: actually living your life. And number ten needing to relate
34:36
Speaker 1: in order to care or in order to be interested.
34:40
Speaker 1: That is all that is all that is the episode
34:42
Speaker 1: of today. Hopefully you guys got something out of it.
34:45
Speaker 1: Hopefully one of those things, if not more, of those
34:47
Speaker 1: things did strike a chord and you're able to put
34:50
Speaker 1: it into practice, and it's something that it's nice just
34:52
Speaker 1: remind yourself of every so often, every couple of days,
34:54
Speaker 1: every couple of weeks. Kind of go over that list
34:56
Speaker 1: and be like, yeah, no, no, no no, I've kind
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Speaker 1: of touched some grass and now I feel calmer in myself.
35:03
Speaker 1: When you let go of these things, you're going to
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Speaker 1: be happier, you're going to be calmer, you're going to
35:07
Speaker 1: be more unbothered in your life. So that is all. Guys,
35:11
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. Please
35:13
Speaker 1: rate review, oh rate review, Share the episode, share it
35:17
Speaker 1: with everyone in your life, and I will see you
35:20
Speaker 1: back here next week for our Tuesday episode. Love you
35:25
Speaker 1: guys so much. As always, remember be can't yourself, be
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Speaker 1: can't your brain? Don't take shit from anyone, and especially
35:29
Speaker 1: don't take shit from yourself. Don't it