Latest / Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast / Season One, Episode 28: Black Antlers Part 3: Pyro & Jotna's Wild Ride (with Daniel Harila Carlsen)

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Season One, Episode 28: Black Antlers Part 3: Pyro & Jotna's Wild Ride (with Daniel Harila Carlsen) · Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast

0:02
Smells like something cooking. This is flail to the face.
0:05
I'm Daniel Harella Carlson and we are playing my adventure
0:08
Black antlers. Heads are on fire, nipples are
0:12
frozen, and things are only about to get so much worse with
0:17
me around the table. I have your regular crew of
0:20
scum. Hello, my name is Levi, I'm
0:23
playing Braless. Braless.
0:26
Braless. Sound like a Dragon Ball Z
0:28
character. Oh and I'm I'm Jake and I'm
0:31
playing pyro. I'm Thomas and I'm playing Kath
0:35
Vin. Pyro's best friend.
0:37
For now, until Pyro dies again again.
0:41
I'm Pruegel and he was talking about my nipples.
0:44
I'm Kevin, I'm playing Yotna and I, he was talking about me being
0:48
on fire. Flail, flail.
1:18
All right so as the stench of burnt meat and hair as creating
1:23
like a tendril smoke that disappears into the violent
1:26
lashes of snow and tundra whipping against the wet
1:30
whatever exposed skin is still on your body.
1:34
Yukna you take AD 4 damage from as your your head is burning?
1:41
Well you needed to make a fire so that part is is over solved
1:44
well. That's a four.
1:49
Don't you have? Three help.
1:51
I have three hit points and 0 omens so I am dead.
1:55
No, no, no. I I'm right there.
1:57
I am going to take because everything I own is I just
2:00
shoved into my bag because I can't.
2:02
I'm I'm hot. I'm going to try and swing that
2:05
bag around and put her head out. I'm going to.
2:08
I'm going to try to put her head out.
2:09
All right. I don't think it'll be very,
2:11
very difficult. I mean there's snow all around
2:13
you. So you can basically just just.
2:15
Whack her into a snow bank Just. Try to avoid getting getting
2:18
hotter than you already are in in your delusion and give me an
2:21
agility and see if you avoid the firewall pushing her.
2:24
I got a six. Oh shit.
2:27
So. I guess it fucking spreads.
2:29
Like the good thing is you managed to put out Yutna's fire
2:32
as you like as she falls over into the snow and comes up with
2:36
like a bold scalp and like burnt eyebrows and kind of like a like
2:39
black suit all over her face, hair flossing off as a vile
2:44
woman could get any uglier. However, it does smell like face
2:48
bacon pyro and never have a piece of scum have a more
2:52
appropriate name. As your arm is currently on
2:55
fire, it's spreading up your neck.
2:57
You're just waving it. No clothes or armor.
3:00
Put it out, Put it out. I'm not wearing anything.
3:03
I'm on fire. Help me.
3:06
Yeah, Catherine's going to just tackle him.
3:08
Yeah, I'll, I'll scratch a hit point from you there as you're
3:11
it's easy when all of you get gain awareness of what's
3:14
actually going on as you plunge over and I kind of like
3:18
quarterback tackle pyro into the snow and he's he's really
3:22
fucking cold. Like you can feel like his, his
3:24
skin kind of like sticks to your armor as you get up and he's
3:27
like, like hanging after it. His jaw is shivering, but it
3:30
doesn't seem to notice as his teeth clacking together or
3:33
breaking every now and then. Yeah, it's a.
3:35
Little, little. It's chilly out here and now and
3:38
then. Now I I forgot I'm also very hot
3:42
too. This is a bit of a conundrum,
3:44
Caspin. This.
3:46
Can you peel me off of your breast?
3:49
You're. Just like.
3:49
Thanks. Slowly, like peeling and pushing
3:53
him back. Oh.
3:54
Yeah, no, slowly, slowly stop. And then at the very last bit,
3:59
I'm just going to force real quick.
4:01
Have. You ever seen those videos of
4:03
like or remember from like being a kid in cold areas or whatever?
4:07
Like you stick your tongue to like a pole, you know, And it's
4:10
like when you're like ripping it off.
4:12
All right, That's kind of what's happening here.
4:14
How much damage have I taken so far?
4:16
I said I was being nice because I can't do D4 damage to like I
4:20
can, but it wouldn't be much of A show.
4:22
So we're just gonna scratch like one hit point from you.
4:25
Because when when all of you realizes it after like, you can
4:27
start catching a fire one by one, it becomes fairly easy to
4:31
just like like choke the fire against the snow.
4:33
How much damage did I end up taking from?
4:37
It was three, wasn't it? I took I, I rolled 4 and then he
4:40
bashed me into the snow bank. Am I?
4:43
Trying to keep him from dying. Yeah, Am I dead?
4:48
Normally I would have said I would have said yes.
4:50
A lot of things kind of happened there.
4:53
So yes, I'll say you're dead. No, I'm just kidding.
4:56
You can scratch one hit point as well.
4:58
So yeah, you're all kind of like getting up there.
5:00
And as you're like, realizing that nothing else is burning
5:02
anymore. But the center on burn flesh is
5:04
still in the air. You see approval.
5:06
And as we got a bare glimpse of And last episode, she is
5:11
surprisingly unbothered by this sudden cold that you have
5:16
apparently been sleeping in all night.
5:17
There is no sign of the cabin around you.
5:20
The rug of the dogs are gone. Paul's remains.
5:24
What about the donkey and the mule that we had?
5:27
That is a good question. Somehow, between stepping a
5:31
little bit closer and letting out a unsatisfied and
5:34
disappointed side, the donkey that is not a sadistic fuck
5:39
steps closer with icicles hanging from from her mule as
5:43
the other one is eating, trying to nibble up one of the pieces
5:47
of armor that Pyro dropped earlier.
5:49
Perfect. But you managed to pack up.
5:51
You got quite a bit of of hooks and rumors in the last episode
5:54
where you were told that if you wanted to know more about what
5:57
actually the lies of the of the twin Ellen's and Pyro's words,
6:01
mad conspiracies of the Vida, the witch was exiled.
6:04
From there. You can go talk to that
6:07
Chieftain at the graveyard. You're also given a bottle of
6:11
Infernal Spiritus and told of the agony of horn and hide that
6:15
will bring forth winter eternal that will devour you all unless
6:19
you please the the deity for the the the injustice that has been
6:23
caused upon her. There is no way out of Tuanela.
6:25
Well, we might as well go to the graveyard.
6:27
You're all going to end up there anyway.
6:29
Some of us sooner than others. Look.
6:33
If there is, if there is a living.
6:35
Being there, maybe they have more soup.
6:36
You know. The stuff that kind of boy, it's
6:39
fucking cold and hot. I hate this so much.
6:43
I mean like your, your head is probably like not hypothermic.
6:46
No, your arm is like not hypothermic and rather like has
6:48
first degree burns while the rest of you well.
6:50
That thing's fucked. I don't want to hear shit about.
6:53
First degree burns as I'm patting my head with some snow
6:56
just to try to soothe the burns. Honestly, no.
7:01
It's a beautiful. You look great. 10 out of 10, I
7:04
don't see a single problem. He's.
7:06
Lying. We should probably get you some
7:08
bake up to distract from the ghetto.
7:11
And a gesture to the top of the head.
7:13
Fuck all y'all. And I'm going to load up on
7:16
Craig Allen's corpse that's tied to the mules, and I'm going to
7:19
head off towards where. It's like there's a little bit
7:22
of frozen meat left on his like ankles, but the rest of it is
7:25
barely a skeleton. Most of the ribs have been like
7:27
ripped off. And it's clear that last night
7:30
was not a delusion. You definitely work in a cabin
7:34
even though there is swift witch and dogs, but there's no remains
7:37
of it anymore except the frozen foundations of it.
7:39
The smell of that piss was real, I'll tell you that.
7:42
Yes, and still delicious. I I feel kind of weirded out
7:46
that you guys talk about my piss like that.
7:48
I feel kind of weirded out that you're a bone man and they use
7:50
some help eating the soup. That's why I.
7:53
I peed before this all happened while I had flesh.
7:56
Does that make him a soup boner? So let's let's go to this
8:01
graveyard and find this this guy and see what we can figure out
8:05
with the the agony. I mean, I, I guess I can join
8:08
with you guys. I'm just.
8:10
Well, it's not like you have a home to return to you and I
8:11
gesture to the nothingness. For sure I'm going to die again
8:15
at some point. I have no idea.
8:17
I've never been bones. Don't fuck with me or I'll kill
8:20
you myself. No, you can try, Allen accepted.
8:23
I'm just bones. I got no muscle.
8:26
So you trek on through that poor excuse for shelter.
8:31
The naked branches of the tall fir trees bring you the
8:37
whiplashes of the northern wind that always seems to be coming
8:40
from a N seems to be many different directions up here
8:44
into a network. And constantly there's these
8:46
sounds, these like howls and laughters, maybe like the smell
8:52
of fire and other things that like puts you on an edge.
8:55
But whenever you look in the direction, there is nothing
8:58
except the static white. The only thing that leads you on
9:01
is, well, how far behind you the remaining layer of redness is,
9:06
for it disappears completely. You see South of you the
9:11
silhouettes of the ruins of Tuanela down there in the alley,
9:14
as you're right in the valley, as you're apparently like a
9:17
small trek up like the foot of what could be a mountain.
9:21
You're not sure. And they're in the distance at
9:24
the opposite edge of the horseshoe that is this forest.
9:27
You see a little hill where there's these these two molesis
9:30
these like old kind of like chief graves far in the
9:33
distance. And somewhere behind it is
9:37
another little trail of smoke. Further away again, like deep
9:41
down W is is lake frozen and quiet Well.
9:46
I I suggest we just keep roofing it.
9:49
Yeah, as you've been walking for quite a few hours, I I do hate
9:53
to inflict this upon you, but but it's time for another
9:58
another hypothermia chick. Is this 18 now?
10:03
Not yet. I'm still 16.
10:07
It's a dirty 20 for me. Good.
10:10
I got a three fuck. I got a four.
10:14
I'm 16 on the nuts. And if you wonder if these
10:17
effects stack, they're a listener.
10:19
Of course they fucking do Of. Course they fucking do.
10:24
So since my last result said that I couldn't freeze to death,
10:27
do I still roll pipe with? No, you did not.
10:29
OK, I just wanted to double check the cosmic northern winds
10:32
that comes from everywhere but N.
10:33
Is is familiar and homely to you now, but warmth will harm you.
10:37
Hurray. Which means you're perhaps more
10:40
trapped here than anyone else. Damn it.
10:44
So who failed their roles? Kevin myself.
10:48
Yep. OK Pyro and Yokna, you have been
10:52
unlucky but yet surviving so long.
10:54
Let's see what then? How the frost fever changes you
10:56
this time. D12.
10:58
Again. D12 Seven given.
11:00
Well, you're sick of this. Damn straight.
11:03
Hold and this fucking like tundra and it just seems to get
11:07
worse by the day. Like someone has to fight it.
11:09
That someone will be you and you will fight it with fire.
11:13
You the only way out of this and this is so fucking fitting.
11:15
You're going to lose your shit. Scorch something immediately and
11:20
devote yourself to pyromania. Oh my God.
11:27
OK, So what did I don't know get because I'm I think I know
11:31
what's going to happen. I got a six.
11:33
Cool, you can roll me an additional D4 and we're going to
11:36
do, I think we're going to do Yokna first here before Pyro
11:39
does whatever she is intending to do, which I'm very excited
11:42
about. 3 You're trekking a little bit behind the others and
11:46
even like the chuckles of the the now abandoned mule of Craig
11:51
Allen, who's who's laughing at his misery and how hard it is
11:54
nibble up a chainmail gauntlet and actually digest it as well.
11:58
The wind is kind of like caressing your inner eardrums,
12:01
as if a deep voice is whispering to you.
12:04
Everything else turns to a muffled mumbling.
12:08
You're irrelevant, but this voice has something to tell you
12:11
and you're kind of like sewn out for a second.
12:13
The grey ones, a Walker. Everyone's like you, fragile
12:21
beings of flesh, much like yourself.
12:23
The eyes it hides unimaginable riches under its surface.
12:30
And proof to most of all, you must see kids under the ice.
12:35
No one else can hear this OK? And you can almost see yourself
12:40
in that ancient well. Maybe the end of this world
12:44
isn't so close that it's that these treasures cannot be
12:48
redeemed to at least give you the life Craig Allen surely
12:52
couldn't. All right.
12:53
Well, with that being said, and you said off to the site, I
12:57
could see that the lake was over there.
13:00
Yes, you can see the lake. I am going to pull the reins or
13:07
move Craig Allen's leg to pull the reins, point the mule
13:12
towards the lake and slap it on the ass and have it just go full
13:16
bore towards the lake. Because I want that treasure.
13:19
I need that life. I need something to happen,
13:22
right? I've, I've, I've had a really
13:24
bad go of it and I lost my hair and I, I want that treasure more
13:29
than life itself. You know.
13:32
What? All right, Pyro, you all hear
13:35
like AI just see like a like a like a galloping or as as close
13:40
to a galloping as a donkey can get, I guess, as it's like like
13:45
like tumbling down like the snowy, snowy hillside in the
13:49
completely opposite direction of where you were supposed to go.
13:52
Well. This is very murdery of me, but
13:55
I would like to once I start feeling like this.
13:58
I wanted to start sneaking up on Yotna and you said that she was
14:03
getting distant from the group already.
14:05
So I'm I'm going to try and like sneak on to the back of the
14:11
corpse sled and and I'm going to try to let her back on fire.
14:18
So when he was sneaking, that's that presence, right, isn't it?
14:20
Yeah, I'm. I'm just, I'm not sneaking so
14:23
much. It's more like that creepy
14:25
horror movie. Like I'm I'm I'm moving with a
14:28
purpose. And, and Yogna was already zoned
14:31
out like yeah, it's a. Pretty.
14:32
Interesting. No, it's more up to how much
14:35
would the others of you care. If Pyro did this, oh God.
14:40
Oh, my son of a bitch, we have what I mean.
14:43
Pyro's been my buddy so far, so I got to see how this unfolds.
14:47
I. Just met these.
14:49
Guys, I care about what happens next.
14:53
If I can be like on on the back of his haunches and or whatever
14:58
while she's galloping away zoned out, I'm going to take this
15:01
candle and I'm I'm just going to reset her head back on fire.
15:06
Yeah, what do you notice this? Not if I'm completely zoned out
15:09
of the the whispering in my ear telling me to find riches,
15:13
realizing that I the the closest way to get to the riches under
15:16
the ice is to go right into the lake.
15:18
You can. You can like eat a glittering
15:20
surface there, almost like imagining how close the coins,
15:25
diamonds and and silver skulls are to.
15:28
I'm completely oblivious to everything around me.
15:30
Now my question is, is Pyro actually seated on the corpse
15:35
sled? This is this is what I.
15:37
This is how I imagine this happens.
15:39
As we're galloping away, I he grabs the last scrap of the hair
15:43
on your head and pulls back. And you're still like trying to
15:46
fight to witness this glory, I guess.
15:48
And I'm going to take that Candlestick and I know how to
15:51
get rid of this all, Yotna. I know how to feel better.
15:54
I have to set the fire free. I snuffed it out when I save you
15:58
and this is how it has to be. I stick this candle right in her
16:02
neck and try to light her head on fire again.
16:04
OK, I'll say roll D6 on evens. You manage to do so on odds you
16:13
managed to do so, but you're both pulled after the slate.
16:17
Fuck. Yes, so it's like all of you,
16:23
like here it is a picture of the rest of you who are not like
16:26
hypothermic lunatics right now are kind of like turning your
16:30
heads and just seeing like this, this wild devotion and Pyros
16:34
eyes as he sets. A butt ass naked too.
16:37
Fire just because they're both like pulled down on the sleigh,
16:41
down like the hillside and towards to Annella screaming at
16:45
each other and the donkeys has no fire, it starts running
16:49
faster. And.
16:53
Burning like little torch light, just like like clearing the way
16:57
into the storm as the lake is revealed to you.
17:00
Oh my. Fuck, what do you do in my legs?
17:03
In my legs, my foot? Get caught up in the rains or
17:06
something. I guess so like your foot got
17:08
caught into the rain or or or you're not grabbed onto your
17:11
wrist like to try to stop you, something happened.
17:14
I would say that his foot got caught in the armor of Craig
17:18
Allen because it was like he still had that.
17:20
He still had that armor like in his.
17:23
Body so it looks like a opened can of baked beans and tomato
17:26
sauce, with the interiors still halfway.
17:29
There I stabbed Yotna in the neck to try and set her on on
17:32
fire and and from what you've described I've succeeded.
17:35
What does that do to Yolkna health wise?
17:38
We're we're getting to that Yolkna, why don't you give me
17:43
how much damage does AD 6? Right?
17:45
So let's let's do AD six there. You don't want to try to save
17:47
yourself. Are you really that in tuned
17:49
with this? I'll leave, it's up to you guys.
17:51
This, this is my prime directive now is to get all the riches
17:56
that are underneath this ice so. Oh well, that's a fucking six
17:59
brother, so. Tell me about it.
18:01
All right. I stab Yotna right in the neck
18:05
and for whatever reason her head just engulfs in flames and
18:11
feeling that that warmth wash over Pyro's self.
18:15
He's like Oh yes I've done it, I've succeeded.
18:18
I praise it and he goes to throw his hands in the air.
18:21
Let's go of that Candlestick. And then falls back and gets his
18:25
leg launched up in like the belt loop of Craig Allens poppies.
18:30
Amazing. And then there's now there's
18:32
just this fucking flaming torch traveling at about 20 miles an
18:36
hour through the wind with this name mulling donkey or whatever.
18:40
This is the fucked up scene. God.
18:43
Dude, I got a fucking goosebumps.
18:45
Kept listening to that. I think like the rest of you are
18:49
seeing this happening and they're like, they're almost by
18:52
town square to Anella right now. And Kafman, you were the only
18:56
one who showed any concern whatsoever, if even.
18:58
Yeah, I'm going to look at the rest of the guys.
19:01
It's like I, I guess we should help her and like turn and start
19:06
like trying to go after the mule.
19:08
I guess it's running off in the distance.
19:10
Lizards can run really fast sometimes, so are you one of
19:13
them types? No, no I'm not.
19:15
I'm not a fast running lizard, I'm more of a meandering type of
19:19
lizard. So let's see here as you're how
19:21
many minus how far are you below 0 now?
19:25
You're now. -4. -4. Oh yeah.
19:29
You're toast. I hit you with the.
19:31
Big in this. Yeah, I'm toasted with a fucking
19:35
marshmallow and a campfire. It seemed.
19:39
Like a common occurrence, everything I do, I.
19:41
It's. Don't do it.
19:42
Yeah. Just don't do.
19:43
It the monkey's paw like it works for a little bit and then
19:46
I get something greater taken for me.
19:49
So everything below 0 if I remember correctly, it means
19:53
that straight up that so it's like as you can hear groan, the
19:57
pain in the wind coming closer as the you you.
20:01
You can almost hear the crackling of the ice now.
20:03
Maybe the burning of your flesh will actually make it easier.
20:07
Down to those ancient treasures underneath there was.
20:11
He dead. You see like this strange two
20:14
silhouettes by your feet far off on the other side of the lake,
20:17
almost like reversed icicles, like where a sticking up from
20:21
the ground from a from a huge mound on the other side of it.
20:24
And you fade, fade away into a cold eternal slumber, as winter
20:29
eternal. Will not I torture you anymore?
20:32
Question so because Jake started Yotna on fire, are you also on
20:37
this ride? Yeah.
20:38
Does he get caught on fire too? I was going to say Whitney Yotna
20:41
just fall back and then catch a fucking oh.
20:45
Come. On what do you mean?
20:49
Come on. Oh, let me show you mercy there.
20:51
Jake. Let's I mean, that sounds like
20:55
an insect insect's chance that the body would land on you.
20:59
I'm not prepared for the situation.
21:00
There's no. Way forward.
21:01
And anything, I'm gonna roll my way.
21:02
Out of that. Yeah, make make me in a guilty
21:04
check to avoid her, her body. You have like a -, 2, A +2 to
21:09
your difficulty rating and it's a natural 14.
21:11
I got a 19 good. I was like.
21:17
Do you have homans? I don't I will say that parts of
21:21
the sleigh because this will be far too interesting to leave up.
21:24
It's it's still on fire. Yeah, I'm still being drug by a
21:27
flaming. You might get your wish.
21:29
Yeah, but you are not. However, I want you to give me a
21:32
toughness to avoid, like your head bomping on all these like
21:35
stones that you're passing. And like, it's not first class,
21:37
I'll tell you that much. 15. 50 yeah, you're good, but the rest
21:42
of you are like, is it just Keflin running after them?
21:46
OK, I. Don't know what you guys are.
21:47
Doing. Catherine, you're like you can
21:49
make it, but you're gonna be like you can catch up, but it's
21:52
gonna be like exhausting and you will be very out of breath once
21:56
you reach them. So that will affect your
21:59
difficulty ratings. I mean so you you get leg
22:02
through like the piles of now even even frostier corpses, but
22:07
barely get a glimpse of them as we are legging it after them.
22:10
Probably the the the least scummy of the whole party, I
22:13
must say. As the the lake becomes like
22:17
like wider and wider in front of you, you approach it.
22:20
The the hill disappears like over now that the slate
22:23
disappears over like the hill and down down the slope as you
22:27
just stop yourself from falling, catching your breath and resting
22:29
against like the sign. Do anyone remember what it said?
22:33
No fishing. You wear molars.
22:35
And you can't help but I wonder what the what the fuck is a
22:38
Molrus? Wait, we're headed towards the
22:40
Molrus. Yes.
22:41
No three me. Yes.
22:45
That's what I'm trying to do. Help.
22:47
Save me. You hear like Kefwin, like in
22:51
through all the like, like screaming donkey noises and your
22:53
own like ouching. As you're you're bumping your
22:56
head comedically on your way down, you come to the
22:59
realization that, yeah, you are passing the sign towards the
23:02
Mallrus. Whatever.
23:03
The one time I wish I couldn't read.
23:08
Get Ben, catch up, do that weird lizard thing where you run side
23:12
to side real fast. And I'll say Keflin can make it
23:16
with an agility check of 18 if he runs down to like before you
23:21
hit the ice, Otherwise he will catch up to you when you're
23:23
already sliding on the ice itself.
23:24
If there's like a frozen tree type thing, like a small enough
23:27
for like to limb, can I try to like fashion like an impromptu
23:32
sled to ride down the snow to try and catch up to him?
23:37
Yeah, two wins, six chance. Yo Hutton's yo, her body's lying
23:41
right there. I rolled the two.
23:43
I rolled the two. There's no tree, but you have no
23:46
bodies there. There is a tree there because
23:50
you got a 2. I'm gonna knock that down and
23:52
just like try to like ride that down to try and catch up with
23:55
the with the donkey in the snow. You're like surf down on your
23:59
belly on the tree as you're like you're rapidly approaching as
24:02
you see like the first hoof is now hitting the ice a little
24:06
crackle and you swear you see those icicles sticking out of
24:09
the snow on the other side there.
24:10
They're like they're like tall like fir trees.
24:13
It's like shaking a little bit. Now I'm going to try and like
24:16
jump off the back of my sled to try and knock Pyro off of the
24:22
donkey. That would be another agility
24:24
chick I think. Difficult rating 16 Not as hard.
24:27
As. Doing I should have described
24:29
what you just did way cooler because it was actually very
24:31
impressive. They managed to get a 16 on the
24:34
nuts. Nice.
24:37
I'm gonna let you narrate how this happens.
24:40
So yeah, it's if we're like going that donkey screaming as
24:43
it's running the hooves hammering through the snow and
24:46
I'm like sliding up with the sled and Pyro's just kind of
24:51
bouncing off the back end, I give.
24:52
You a dog? Wilder look.
24:54
And I managed to kind of like stand up and like almost like a
24:59
surfing pose on this piece of wood.
25:03
And then I dive over and I managed to like wrap up Pyro in
25:07
my arms and my momentum would carry me off and it snaps what
25:12
the strap had wrapped up Pyro's foot.
25:15
And it allows us to like, kind of tumble in the snow as the
25:18
donkey continues off running onto the ice.
25:21
So you're both like on the edge of the ice as you're like
25:24
sliding on your back with pyro there.
25:26
So you're not like off the lake, but it's it's sturdy and you see
25:29
like how it's like melting in a perfect trail behind the sleigh,
25:34
which is now completely on fire. Donkey's on fire too as it
25:38
reaches the middle of the lake as you're both looking up like
25:43
pyro in your arms, like up towards the the center of the
25:47
lake as the donkey just goes. This is beautiful.
25:50
Into the lake, followed by a silence.
25:53
A few bubbles pop. Catherine, you can put me down
25:55
now. You.
25:56
Just slowly put them down on the snow.
25:59
And starts to shake him I'm. Going to take that cod piece and
26:01
just put it on real quick, says Craig Allen on the front.
26:06
Yeah, the sleigh that was Craig Allen is is heavily abused,
26:09
burnt and primarily a a rib cage and of what it was.
26:14
However, you do start feeling like everything is trembling a
26:17
bit and it's not Pyro. Was Catherine.
26:20
Out of your own shaking too? Or is it just me because I'm
26:24
still pretty fucking cold. You do see as the donkey has
26:27
made a perfect melted hole in the ice, these like glittering
26:30
rays coming from down there. And you do see beneath the frost
26:34
that is like stretched back in the surface, the silhouettes of
26:38
chests, that golden statues, and a lot of other cool shit down
26:43
there. However, as you look up, you see
26:45
that the two icicles are shaking off their frosty surface and
26:51
launching out from the mound. That's the snow powders.
26:55
Off you see this giant leathery beast with huge tusks.
27:00
That was the icicles a a morbid mustache, tiny dead little eyes
27:06
as it does a straight up undertaker launching towards
27:10
you. It's about the size of like a
27:11
truck and you're now very aware of why they call it the Model S
27:15
Roll. Roll for initiative are.
27:17
You. Fucking kidding me.
27:22
Soup. Soup.
27:22
Can you see the size of it? You're fucked.
27:27
You. Oh well, I'm gonna take a break
27:53
on the mat, dude. Flail to the face and we are
27:54
currently about to see a Smackdown Smackdown.
27:56
Smackdown from what is apparently not a typo, as the
28:00
Mallrus is currently approaching, casting a shadow
28:03
over Pyro and Keflin who are helplessly trying to crawl away
28:08
from the icy surface as this truck of a Tusk beast.
28:13
I've been waiting and pray for quite some time.
28:14
It's currently launching towards the two of you.
28:18
Its body weight is very likely to kill you unless you get away.
28:22
Even a four on the initiative check, is that right?
28:25
Yeah, excellent. So that means the two people
28:27
first. I don't know about you, but I
28:29
think this is a good time to. Get the fuck out of here.
28:32
Nope. Agreed.
28:33
Cats been. And yeah, we're going to turn
28:35
and try to outrun this thing. Yeah, you can.
28:40
You can both test and a guilty DL12 to get away.
28:46
I'm going to go ahead and spend my last omen.
28:50
As a as pyro as hypothermic AF you can get a plus two well.
28:56
It don't fucking matter because I got a four.
28:59
Yeah, I re rolled into a four as well.
29:02
Rear correct, yeah. You're in it for the long haul,
29:08
right? So the monstrous Tusk piece
29:12
launches down towards you and you just like see kind of like
29:16
fiber on its belly as it slams down and you see like ice
29:22
shards, like smashing open cold water bucket everywhere.
29:27
You each take the 8 damage. You too watch out for that.
29:37
Looks dangerous what you get. I took six damage.
29:42
Jesus, I have one health. Welcome to my world.
29:49
God. I took three, which also leads
29:51
me at 1:00. Well, this this encounter also
29:56
has this this fan favorite wrestling move also has the
29:59
special side effect that you're currently trapped under the
30:03
Beast's weight unless if you're submerged, which you're
30:08
currently not yet, at least not more than your feet as you're
30:11
kind of like sliding down into the ice under its belly.
30:14
You'll take D4 damage every round and must be in the guilty
30:17
Dr. 12 to get free so. We got to do one right now.
30:21
Yeah. You're dead.
30:23
Oh my gosh. You're dead.
30:24
Oh my Atlanta, you're dead. Oh fuck me.
30:29
Yeah. Oh shit.
30:30
OK, wait, how much damage does it do?
30:32
It's AD. 4. OK, I I'm going to do something.
30:35
Hold on. No, hold on.
30:36
I'm hold on, hold on. OK, so I took three damage, but
30:42
I'm going to use my power and use my skeleton as a shield, OK?
30:48
I'm going to try every. Arm in your body.
30:51
You feel your arm kind of like breaking as it.
30:55
I'm at 0 so I'm. I I that's where I'm at.
30:59
I'm at 0. I roll the one for the depot.
31:01
So it's like a claustrophobic dead.
31:03
Dead. Frosty kind of like squish as I
31:06
think we hear like slowly as it just as it breathes, as it's
31:09
waking up from its slumber after having smell of your puny little
31:13
bodies and the bacon roasting in the morning.
31:16
Donkey bacon Your your your bones are kind of like slowly
31:19
crushing as it breathes out with its belly as you're squished
31:23
against the ice. And make it that safe.
31:28
Zero. I roll AD four.
31:30
I got a 2 which is. I also got a 2.
31:34
You got a 2 bow here, all right. Well, that's very suitable.
31:38
That means that you have a broken or decapitated body part.
31:42
I have a Swedish version by the way.
31:43
I don't have you roll AD 6 on A1.
31:46
You lose an eye instead you're incapacitated for D4 rounds and
31:52
after that retrieve D4 head points.
31:55
I rolled the one. One round and you will be back
31:59
D4 head points if you survive. You cannot do shit for that
32:02
round. Hey.
32:03
Daniel, Yeah. What's A6 do?
32:05
I don't think you can get a six on a D4.
32:07
I thought I was rolling AD 6 for this part.
32:09
Well, first it's a def save, which is AD 4.
32:11
You got a two. That means you roll AD four.
32:13
No D6. Yeah, you do roll AD six.
32:16
It means that you lose part of your body, or you're unbroken,
32:20
or. I have a broken skeleton.
32:22
I used it as my power for the day.
32:25
My entire skeleton. Show but the whole arm kind of
32:27
like is broken off and you feel it kind of like being like like
32:31
crushed to oatmeal now resting in a sack of skin as yeah, the
32:38
pain is enough to black you out if you can roll me at your route
32:42
for B4 rounds and we'll then come back with B4.
32:45
That's four rounds 4 rounds. Let's see if you make it that
32:49
long. You're still at zero hit points.
32:51
So the rest of you hear like echo of screams that like makes
32:55
a little avalanche like fall down from one part like almost
32:58
buried into an element snow as you you see like this little
33:02
shadow, just like plunge onto where you assume where your
33:06
friends and quotation marks were standing on the ice.
33:12
You you want to get out of here. Yeah, pretty much.
33:15
I mean, I just met you guys like literally like an hour ago.
33:19
Well, it's just the two of you right now.
33:20
Yeah, I don't. I don't really.
33:22
I don't really like you, but it's got to be better than that.
33:26
I'd imagine so. Can we stay and watch that?
33:30
That's fine, yeah. You guys, Yeah.
33:34
There's there's no way in in a frozen hell that they would make
33:38
it to you guys in one round. So I believe Kefl and Romy,
33:42
we'll do this simultaneously. As the two of you are watching,
33:45
you're kind of like, are you eating a ration or something
33:47
while you're watching the the match?
33:48
Yeah, I'll eat my ration for the day.
33:50
I'm just bones, man, I don't eat.
33:53
That's true. So keflin roll me D4 is healing
34:00
the damage. You take this from here.
34:01
I don't think it matters 0 right?
34:06
-4. -4 that's too much by that, I think, like it's needless.
34:13
I don't know, like how much do you want to do this?
34:15
Do you want to do this, Jake? Because you're you're.
34:18
You have some pretty impossible objects here here.
34:20
I can't do anything. I'm dead.
34:21
Yeah. I'm dead.
34:23
That's like the definition of impossible.
34:25
Lives, yeah. So like the the ice kind of like
34:28
crushes underneath the two of you as your eyes shift in fear
34:33
under the weight of the walrus. You can like probably like one
34:36
of Keflin's eyeballs is like, like squirting out of his skull
34:39
and smashes inwards in most claustrophobic manner possible
34:45
as the water is like rising to his nose and he gets bluer and
34:48
bluer from your vision and the fire won't save you.
34:51
Now, what are your last, your last, last thoughts?
34:54
Tears to each other. Yeah, Oh my gosh.
34:56
I reach out and I hold Kespin's hand as his eyeball pops out
35:00
onto my face. And the Mallrus takes the two of
35:05
you down to the icy depths where there are indeed glittering
35:09
hordes of treasure. Beautiful they'll.
35:12
Always have Cancun, so I'm fucking glad we did that.
35:16
Meanwhile the two others, Braless and and Pruegel.
35:19
Are you still still going grave robbing or what?
35:21
You. Mean heading to the graveyard.
35:23
Yeah. I I think so.
35:25
That's one of the better leads we've got is we can go talk to
35:27
the ghost of the Chief, I think, OK.
35:31
As long as I can avenge my Inquisitor brethren, I'm down
35:35
for. Whatever.
35:36
Yeah, I need to do that. As as long as we stay away from
35:39
that water, I'm good. I think you mentioned your
35:42
Inquisitor brethren to your your stiff nipple friend with the
35:46
with the attitude. The the the witch mentioned the
35:49
Inquisitors to us though. That's true.
35:51
The two of you are like trekking up this little hilltop, more of
35:55
like a knob. You see six kind of like
35:59
tumilises here, like old Chieftain Braves decorated and
36:04
antlers with twigs and just like chimes, jewelry hanging down
36:09
them, engraved with with rooms you do not understand.
36:14
Underneath or in front of one of the mounds sits like a frozen
36:19
corpse, clad in the remainings of an inquisitor uniform.
36:24
He has like crude kind of like stab wounds and blood trail
36:27
leading down into the village. Behind them.
36:30
His face, his eyes are stabbed out.
36:33
This is definitely not the wounds of a knife as the
36:36
stabbings are way too crude. I look down at him and say.
36:40
He serves you right and he he definitely looks like he got the
36:43
short on the the the shorter stick.
36:45
As. He was probably trying to escape
36:48
whatever you can't remember much of from your last hours alive.
36:51
What do the two of you do? I look around and say.
36:54
Hello ghosts spirits. I don't see anyone.
36:58
No, me neither. He's a good idiot, but I don't
37:00
think he counts. Oh yeah, there's this corpse on
37:02
the ground too. Yeah, you do see these, these
37:05
graves, as I mentioned, rising up as the only meek shelter from
37:10
from the storm here. They would be possible to, well,
37:13
excavate if you so wish. Or you can try to call for
37:18
ghosts if you have any have any equipment to do such or any
37:21
other powers. All right, let's start digging.
37:24
So I think as you start like digging, how do you dig?
37:28
What do you use? How are you trying to my shield
37:31
your shield? I'm threatening it out.
37:32
I'm. Going to use this dead body's
37:34
only legs. Yeah.
37:38
Sounds sounds about right. You start like like chucking as
37:41
you hear like cough behind you and and and Mobius.
37:44
It appears that someone beat you to the prospect thing.
37:49
Oh. I'm going to put my wheelbarrow
37:50
handles down. Hey, the kids are digging that
37:53
all wrong. I got I got AI got a whole pot
37:58
here. I got permits all right, and I
38:01
don't see nothing to do with any of you all having permits on my
38:04
fucking prospects. So I'm going to ask to, I'm
38:06
going to kind of ask you to take a step back.
38:08
And brandish a broken wine bottle, Adam.
38:11
Hey. Soup are you the help I I sent
38:13
for from from the town are you the help or not?
38:17
My name is Braless. As you look behind, well that I
38:20
think you're like a gold feverish, like Klondike kind of
38:24
kind of scumbag there. That's what I'm seeing.
38:27
And who's your bodyguard there? Or wait, not a bodyguard.
38:30
That's like a my business. A raggedy looking woman if I
38:33
were someone. So you see, he's just kind of
38:35
like a just mass of muscle, but like the side of his face is
38:40
completely just really badly burnt and he's just holding an
38:45
iron rod and looks over at Mobius and just say the word
38:52
boss. No, no, no, Sonny.
38:55
They might be the help that I sent for earlier.
38:57
So let's just you two got names, say Basilisk or something My.
39:02
Name's Braless. Yeah, he's soup.
39:05
I'm frugal. Where the hell start digging?
39:07
Well, ain't you a fine looking lady?
39:09
Oh yeah, something of flavour around here.
39:13
This is horrible and I hate it. I'm.
39:15
Going to wipe some sweat off my brow.
39:18
Yeah, I don't. I don't mind a good hate
39:20
neither. I, I can't, I, I, I kind of wish
39:26
that Pyro was still here. Like this guy on the fire I'm.
39:29
Talking to soup. Four hours.
39:33
I'm going to pull some shovels out of the wheeled wheelbarrow
39:35
and hand them out. All right, so y'all about, I
39:39
hope we get this digging done, get us some treasures.
39:42
Yeah. Hire Don Hill.
39:43
Good idea. And I hand this shovel back to
39:45
you up to oh. Oh, it's fine baby girl, I'll do
39:48
all the digging. Just sit back and look pretty
39:49
for me. Now that that this is this is
39:52
going my direction. Now look.
39:54
Look pretty good. I'm uncomfortable.
39:57
You sure? You know why?
39:58
He's just hit him, boss. These.
40:00
Overalls are just getting so damn tight right now.
40:05
I'll be over here and just to see how far we can fucking
40:10
derail this situation. Like I'm going to take a step
40:14
away from the grey robbing table because I think I know what's in
40:17
the first casket. It takes you like a few like
40:20
heads of the shovel before you hear the FUD and strange
40:26
groaning. Maybe that lying and misled
40:30
Chieftain that the witch told you about.
40:32
You see like a casket that's like decorated in the same rooms
40:35
and saw above it but covered in frost.
40:38
It has like some kind of a story engraved with like this.
40:41
This little characters looks like they were carved by a by a
40:44
three-year old who was probably way overpaid thousands of years
40:48
ago. But you hear like a the thumps
40:50
of the shovel is is is responded from the other side by desperate
40:54
thuds, like something that's been waiting to get out forever.
40:58
Well, that's that's interesting Watch you all right, son?
41:01
Crack it open. Yeah, let's get this dead
41:03
bastard out of there as it creaks open.
41:06
I don't know what it smells or looks like, but it takes even me
41:10
as your referee by surprise. Kevin, what's in there?
41:14
When it's Paltrow's head, no, what they find is a severely
41:24
frostbitten man. Extremely stringy hair,
41:28
extremely long fingernails, but seemingly still not like,
41:34
completely emaciated from being in there.
41:37
A full nasty beard. Oh great ghost Chieftain, reveal
41:42
to us your secrets and give us like magic weapons and armor and
41:45
shit. It's about time somebody opens
41:48
up this fucking box and lets me out.
41:50
Oh well, you're welcome. Are you the other help?
41:53
I I have I had a platform. No.
41:56
It came out of this grave. I'm going to swing my like bar.
42:00
Oh gosh. It's the undead thing came out
42:03
of this grave. Do you want to deal with damage?
42:05
I'm a talking skeleton. Yeah.
42:10
I got a 5. Can I go and try to catch said
42:13
bar coming at me? Yeah, absolutely.
42:15
Because what I was going, what would you like me to boulder?
42:17
I'm leaving this up to the two of you to kill or not kill each
42:21
other in whatever manner you wish.
42:23
I think we had the audience's blood first is already clenched.
42:28
But if you wish to be generous, then that is up to.
42:31
You all right? I will try to catch it.
42:34
Well, it's a 13 + 1. That's fourteen, yeah.
42:36
You grab it, you go. All right, so I'm going to grab
42:38
it. I'm going to pull him in here
42:40
with me. Yeah, you bump in there and it's
42:43
it's it's nice and tight than that coffin, but in fear of the
42:46
the lid shutting again and trapping you in here and to your
42:51
premature grave for another 1000 years, I assume that you quickly
42:55
get out. Oh yeah, I like panic.
42:58
Climb back out. Malford, don't, don't.
43:00
Don't assault the help now. All right, everybody, calm down.
43:04
What you got? You got a name, Sonny boy.
43:06
Got something you go by. What are you doing?
43:07
Just hiding. Hiding around like that?
43:09
This is my land I got. I own this land.
43:11
A long, long time ago I was known as Grubb, but I suppose
43:16
you can call me grubs. Oh grubs it is.
43:19
OK, that's that's not a bad name.
43:22
Wouldn't have chosen for my kids.
43:24
Well, two Braless and Brugal. The only ones here with a
43:29
purpose other than grave robbing.
43:31
Well, another purpose than than profitable grave robbing.
43:34
It is perfectly clear to you that this is not the casket you
43:38
were looking for. Damn it.
43:39
All right, dig up the next one. You think a ghost is really just
43:42
going to pop out? I mean, the dead guy popped over
43:45
this one and now he's alive. So yeah, we're never.
43:48
Going to get a ghost at this rate.
43:50
All right, each one, each of you grab, grab a casket and start
43:52
popping, popping open. Get the bodies.
43:54
And if you proceed without finding a source of heat to
44:00
digging up the next body, it will mean for everyone except
44:02
approval that we have another hypothermic check coming in, no?
44:07
Everyone just dies for hypothermia.
44:09
The only one's still left with one goddamn hit point.
44:12
I'm going to take a piece of that then casket.
44:14
Yeah, the boys, you guys get it all done.
44:17
I'm going to try to start and I'm going to grab some.
44:19
Wood and just start rubbing it together and try to.
44:21
I'm not going through this again.
44:23
I don't want to die. You managed to start a fire,
44:26
just take some time. I'm getting a little old.
44:29
I don't need to be robbing all these graves by myself.
44:32
So that means like the three others keep four others keep
44:35
digging. Do you dig the same grave, or do
44:37
you choose various ones to cover more than?
44:41
I'm not digging any graves, I just came out of one.
44:43
I'm still trying to get my bearings straight.
44:44
I'll dig just to stay away from the fire.
44:47
It was not a miserable infernal storm blocking out everything,
44:51
including reality, as you know, like when you were crapped in
44:55
that coffin. However, this looks alien,
44:58
desolate, desolate and strange. So where?
45:01
Are you from? Sunny.
45:02
Here. Born and raised, huh?
45:04
I've been in that box for I don't know how long.
45:07
I couldn't say from from my point of perspective viewing, I
45:11
would say about, I don't know, 30 seconds.
45:14
You have absolutely no concept of time dude.
45:18
Give me AD 4 roller Kevin, because you have one memory that
45:23
is not the lost in the ice. OK, D.
45:28
Four. Yeah, so you remember that
45:33
feeding the goddess of of the herd, her own children was a
45:38
terrible mistake and that she is not a a goddess of harvest, but
45:45
a goddess of fertility. You know that probably 1000
45:48
generations, you motherfuckers are probably going to pay for
45:50
this, but not your problem. Oh, wait.
45:54
And if I'm looking around you at the storm, you're pretty sure
45:56
you know what's going on. You sacrifice her children to
45:59
her for many eons, far after your expected expiration date.
46:05
Hurricanes, What exactly are you guys doing here?
46:09
This isn't safe for anybody. I lay claim to this land me and.
46:14
You don't. You're just here to click on our
46:16
our I. Don't know it's true.
46:20
We're we're here to get paid, yes.
46:22
Bi yearly. What about you, skeleton and
46:26
little little lady? You can say we are amateur ghost
46:36
hunters. How's it that's what we're doing
46:38
now? I've seen that in the delusion,
46:41
staring off into the stove and you never brought.
46:43
It Oh damn, you must, you must get a lot of channels.
46:46
Yeah. You've been out here for weeks
46:48
on end and you see a whole lot of differentiator.
46:50
Nothing is fine. Oh great ghost, what wisdom have
46:55
you brought to us from across the.
46:58
Your girlfriend's weird. Oh well, you know I like the
47:04
feisty. I'm not his girlfriend.
47:05
We're just friends. We actually kind of just met,
47:07
but he's not so bad yet. I see.
47:10
Oh, anyways, I'm not here about no ghosts, but you guys have
47:14
your whole little conversation bound for then I got to get
47:16
paid. Open up another one, Sonny.
47:18
You got to give him Robin. You're you're stumbling out
47:21
there and you see the the altar that you're, you told your
47:26
children Youngs ago I've sacrificed the deer caps too.
47:30
And you see it's growing larger and even more sinister far in
47:36
the horizon, which is warping antlers as the only thing
47:40
visible for the violent storm. It's your fault and well.
47:46
I'm going to look at all these guys.
47:47
And as I kind of move around, you can notice that on the side
47:51
of my neck there's a what appears to be like a lamprey
47:55
this attached to my neck. And I'm gonna pull it off and
47:59
I'm gonna watch it kind of just like move its little teeth and
48:02
mouth around, pull the hair back and look over at Pruegel and be
48:06
like, does this look infected? Before we go, Daniel, is there
48:14
anything you'd like to plug? Yeah, you can find me on X or
48:19
Twitter or whatever you want to call it under Daniel Harila.
48:23
You can find me on HIO, and Black Anthers will soon be
48:27
available from Exalted Funerals web store or hopefully a brick
48:32
and mortar store near you. You can listen to the whole
48:35
soundtrack by Killer Morris's on Spotify or Band Camp.
48:40
Don't sleep on it because there will be deluxe bundles that are
48:43
going to sell out pretty rapidly, as well as scenes and
48:48
PDFs for those who only want the adventure.
48:51
Hell yeah. Hey everybody, Kevin at the end
49:39
of the episode. This episode features the
49:40
adventure Black Antlers by Daniel Carlson with Levi playing
49:44
braless, the Catacomb St. by Makootie, Jake playing Pyro the
49:47
Brazen Blacksmith by Seth and Mobius the Indomitable
49:51
Mountaineer by Rugos Cone Thomas playing Kevin the Bog Water
49:54
Apothecary from Dwellers of the Bog by the Dungeons Key and
49:59
Balm, the death witch by Bracken McLeod, Kevin playing Yotna the
50:04
restless wanderer by will Rickson and Grubbs, the
50:06
misbegotten relic by Nick Tragijo and Walt playing frugal
50:11
the knock decks by Strega wolf Vandenberg.
50:14
Check out all these cool things and their respective ex lookers.
50:17
More for entries in the description accompanying this
50:19
episode, as well as the flail to the face Episode 28 companion,
50:23
which at this point is a mystery.
50:24
And while you're at it, check us out on our social medias, our
50:27
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Blue Sky and Thread, and
50:31
wherever you listen to podcasts, make sure to rate, review, and
50:36
share with all of your friends so we can get out there to more
50:38
people. While we're at it, if you
50:40
haven't already, please check out our sister podcast, The
50:43
World Standard. And if you like what they're
50:45
doing over there, think about joining their Patreon.
50:47
It gives you access to their Discord, which you can talk to
50:49
us as well because we're on there.
50:51
And just for $3 a month. With that, thanks for listening
50:54
and we'll catch you guys next time.
51:06
I think those last 15 minutes were the highlights of my game
51:13
that was. Pretty fucking insane.
51:20
That's Sunday, Sunday, Sunday and we are recording.