Latest / The Rochelle Christiane Podcast / 149. Transforming Anger into Emotional Acceptance

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149. Transforming Anger into Emotional Acceptance · The Rochelle Christiane Podcast

• 0:10
  Rochelle: Welcome to the Emotional Mastery Podcast.
• 0:12
  Rochelle: I am your host, rochelle.
• 0:13
  Rochelle: This podcast started as a space to really just share my journey, to share the experiences and the things that I was going through as I learned to self-regulate, as I learned to manage my emotions, and it has transformed into so much more.
• 0:28
  Rochelle: I am a 6'3 emotional manifesting generator in human design, and so this space is really just everything that I trial and error.
• 0:36
  Rochelle: It's everything amazing guests coming to you talking about their journey, their experiences with emotions, and really just take what resonates and leave what doesn't.
• 0:45
  Rochelle: We're all unique individuals And so we all have different perspectives, we all have different viewpoints, and it's really coming to that space where you can trust yourself And that's where I really.
• 0:55
  Rochelle: That is my mission, that is my goal, my purpose to empower you to trust yourself, to find that space, to ground in it, to come back to yourself over and over and over again, because there's so much freedom and there is so much power and there is so much beauty in that.
• 1:08
  Rochelle: This journey can feel really isolating at times.
• 1:11
  Rochelle: It is beautiful, it is painful, it is joyful, it is love, it is all of the things And we are all of the things all at once, and so just have grace with yourself, have compassion with yourself through this, and I am so grateful that you are listening to this episode, wherever you are listening.
• 1:28
  Rochelle: Thank you for allowing me into your day.
• 1:36
  Rochelle: Welcome back to another episode of the Emotional Mastery Podcast.
• 1:40
  Rochelle: This week I have Tara Swan on for the second time.
• 1:43
  Rochelle: We spoke for the very first time.
• 1:45
  Rochelle: I believe it was back in September, or actually I think it was August of 2022.
• 1:51
  Rochelle: And this episode, that episode with her, was released I want to say March or February, i don't remember, but when we both listened to the episode, we were like, wow, our lives have shifted dramatically since it came out.
• 2:06
  Rochelle: So we wanted to rerecord, and especially at this time her book came out, i believe two days ago or yesterday.
• 2:15
  Rochelle: I'm recording this on the 26th of June.
• 2:17
  Rochelle: Her book came out on the 25th of June, so you can grab the book through the link in the link in my bio This is not Instagram, this is a podcast through the link, the show notes, the link in the show notes, and go support her over there.
• 2:31
  Rochelle: This episode is really beautiful and actually so much of it always happens, but so much of what I'm actually processing we talk a lot about.
• 2:38
  Rochelle: In this episode.
• 2:39
  Rochelle: We talk about her journey, her relationship with anger and how moving through anger allowed her to transform her life.
• 2:49
  Rochelle: Essentially, tara is a manifestor And so of course, that relationship with anger is really important to her specifically.
• 2:56
  Rochelle: But I think, just as women, that relationship to anger is really really important because we are taught the societal standards of how we're supposed to express anger, how we're supposed to feel anger, how we're supposed to move through anger, which basically is avoided and don't be angry.
• 3:10
  Rochelle: But anger is a very normal, natural emotion.
• 3:14
  Rochelle: It is a very powerful emotion.
• 3:15
  Rochelle: It is an emotion that is important for us to have the tools to move through, and we really dig into that in this episode.
• 3:23
  Rochelle: This week for me has been really interesting.
• 3:26
  Rochelle: My children have been on vacation since Thursday, so by the time this episode comes out it'll be a week, and I've realized that in 13 years let's say 14, because when I got pregnant my life dramatically changed.
• 3:43
  Rochelle: So 14 years I don't think that I've ever spent this amount of time this alone And of course, i was excited for it And I've noticed so many shadows come up.
• 3:56
  Rochelle: Yesterday was really difficult for me actually.
• 3:58
  Rochelle: I was really, really emotional.
• 4:00
  Rochelle: Of course, i miss my kids, but it wasn't necessarily about missing them.
• 4:04
  Rochelle: It was, i think, when you take away the busyness and the noise and the distractions and the attending for other little human beings and you take yourself as a woman, as a mother outside of that it was sort of this.
• 4:16
  Rochelle: Who am I without all that?
• 4:19
  Rochelle: And I do a lot of the work I show up for myself, i make sure I have time for meditation and movement and all these tools And also it's a lot of fitting it in these pockets of time that I do have, because the other time I'm working I have holistic human design academy, i have my students in there, i have my children, and so intentionally crafting or intentionally creating space where it's just me brought up a lot.
• 4:49
  Rochelle: I realized that I am very lonely And I work a lot to give myself the things that I need And I feel as though I'm very good at that.
• 5:00
  Rochelle: And I do notice that there were pockets of time where I did feel a little bit lonely And I think part of it is because this is also what I noticed was really interesting The universe felt as though it was giving me a lot of tests this past week And also it was almost sort of like dangling the carrot, but just out of reach, because I feel like my self-worth is now high enough that I probably wasn't necessarily going to grab the carrot as I would have in the past.
• 5:36
  Rochelle: But the thought was very much there for a few different things And it felt like the universe just was kind of like dangling it, just being like remember these feelings, remember this and what are you going to do with it now.
• 5:49
  Rochelle: And I noticed myself very much able to witness the physical sensations in my body, the physical emotions in my body, and not get carried away with the narrative, not get carried away with the stories that I attached to from the past, and wanting to intentionally change things and do things differently and be a different person, and knowing that I am a different person.
• 6:10
  Rochelle: And so I was really able to cycle through these things a lot faster than I would have in the past, because in the past I think the temptation would have been enough for me just to grab it and run with it and then deal with everything afterwards.
• 6:25
  Rochelle: But again, the temptation was there And I, very deeply, i thought hard about grabbing onto it, but I didn't.
• 6:36
  Rochelle: And the moments where I thought I would have.
• 6:40
  Rochelle: It wasn't available for me in those moments, so I don't know what kind of game or test the universe was throwing out for me, but it was really interesting And I think being able to actually have the space to actually sit with my body and sit with my emotions was very needed.
• 7:02
  Rochelle: It sort of has me even now.
• 7:03
  Rochelle: It sort of feels almost very, very tender and raw still, but it's not in the way that used to be.
• 7:13
  Rochelle: Like I said, it's not this mental trip that's happening, it's just very much in my body and feeling the sensitivities there, and we just moved into cancer season.
• 7:21
  Rochelle: So I feel like this is, of course, the time where we're here to nourish ourselves and to feel those emotions and to move through those emotions and to be vulnerable and all of these things.
• 7:31
  Rochelle: That is cancer season And of course, cancer is the crab, so it has an element of being hard and cold and unable to penetrate.
• 7:38
  Rochelle: But it was just a really interesting thing to witness And I did fill my time.
• 7:45
  Rochelle: I did keep busy And yesterday was Sunday.
• 7:49
  Rochelle: I went out after work on, or I went out very late on Saturday night.
• 7:55
  Rochelle: I did not drink, i went to a couple of bars and I actually like still had fun, i really enjoyed myself and the company, and did I have a moment where I missed drinking?
• 8:08
  Rochelle: I think so, because, again, it's just so much of what we connect over and we talk about that actually in this episode how it's just a piece.
• 8:16
  Rochelle: It's like a tool to have connections, but it's not the only one.
• 8:20
  Rochelle: It's a false tool, because of course, you have one drink and then you have another, and you have another, and if you're out and you're social, and then, yes, it was a whole thing, but I did not And I'm very, i feel good about that.
• 8:34
  Rochelle: And then I slept until noon on Sunday.
• 8:37
  Rochelle: I cannot tell you the last time I slept until noon, it was wild.
• 8:41
  Rochelle: And then I got up, i had a couple cups of coffee and I journaled and I worked on my newsletter and then at five o'clock I went to the gym.
• 8:50
  Rochelle: I was like what is this?
• 8:51
  Rochelle: Is this what normal people do?
• 8:52
  Rochelle: I don't know.
• 8:53
  Rochelle: And then I couldn't sleep that last night because I was up far too late the night before.
• 8:59
  Rochelle: But just to be able to actually move through my day and yesterday was, i was more highly emotional yesterday felt very open to receive and to feel and to move through, and I was doing some journaling and I ran a few things through the Healy, which was so helpful.
• 9:18
  Rochelle: The Healy has a coaching app within that and you put your information in there and then you put an intention in there and it then goes into the quantum field, right, and then it pulls your subconscious out.
• 9:31
  Rochelle: And one of the things I journaled around, or I put an intention around relationships and loneliness and in the positive So not that I was lonely, but calling in conscious relationships and things like that And one thing that came up was basically it kind of in different forms was filling myself and giving myself joy and happiness before others.
• 9:53
  Rochelle: And then, from another intention that I had put in, it came up around.
• 9:58
  Rochelle: It was an ancestral thing too, but it came up around using substances to bring me joy when actually the joy is inside of me and I don't need the substances.
• 10:07
  Rochelle: And so it was just this reminder and those two combined was like wow, i don't need to outsource myself to other people, i can fill my own cup.
• 10:13
  Rochelle: And then I'm going to and Tara talks about that right, her releasing the need and the drive and the resistance to a relationship, when she actually let that go and was able to just like embody herself and be herself and flow with herself and give herself what she needed.
• 10:26
  Rochelle: And it was like boom, she called in this magnetic relationship that she is currently in and it was really beautiful to listen to her story And, yeah, i just feel like a lot of lessons around that this week have been coming up And so it's been really interesting a lot to be moved through.
• 10:44
  Rochelle: And then one other journaling prompts that I had that I loved yesterday from TB magnetic, but the question or the journaling prompt was what have the challenges or traumas in your life?
• 10:55
  Rochelle: what gift have they given you?
• 10:57
  Rochelle: And for me, i feel like a lot of the things where I felt like I didn't have a voice or, you know, abusive or manipulative situations gave me this compassion, this understanding, this patience, this, yeah, i just think, being able to have compassion for people and provide them a space to be heard, because oftentimes I felt like I was unheard.
• 11:24
  Rochelle: So it gave me this gift of listening, this gift of understanding, and I really just loved that journaling prompt.
• 11:30
  Rochelle: It really, you know, i think we do a lot of our struggles in life.
• 11:35
  Rochelle: Yes, they are challenging and yes, they are difficult and also they are for a reason And I think when we can learn that reason, we can see it from that perspective instead of being the victim.
• 11:44
  Rochelle: And I say that with you know, love and compassion, that I don't wish anybody to have bad situations or traumatic situations happen to them, and also can we learn from those situations.
• 11:57
  Rochelle: But this conversation was really beautiful.
• 11:59
  Rochelle: I hope you enjoy it.
• 12:01
  Rochelle: Everything you need to know is down in the show notes.
• 12:03
  Rochelle: If you are listening to this, before June 30th, the Healy is having a 60% off the pro, which is an incredible deal.
• 12:11
  Rochelle: I am using I mean, i run frequencies daily.
• 12:15
  Rochelle: It's just, it's so beautiful.
• 12:16
  Rochelle: I haven't listened to the podcast episode last week, which had a rumor, and then Ken Close, which was I believe it was back in May.
• 12:22
  Rochelle: Go listen to those episodes.
• 12:23
  Rochelle: Like phenomenal.
• 12:24
  Rochelle: The technology behind this is absolutely beautiful and I love it And all the things.
• 12:30
  Rochelle: Holistic human design Academy second round is end of August, so if you're not on the wait list for that, join below.
• 12:36
  Rochelle: It is just literally letting me up so much It's.
• 12:39
  Rochelle: Yeah, i can't even speak enough about these women that are in this program and the just feedback and I love it so much.
• 12:49
  Rochelle: It's amazing, and then one-on-one sessions and coaching are available as well, and everything is in the show notes.
• 12:55
  Rochelle: So I will let you move on to the rest of this episode and I thank you so much for listening.
• 13:02
  Rochelle: All right, well, welcome back to the emotional mastery podcast.
• 13:07
  Rochelle: Today I have Tara Swan, who is an emotional empowerment coach, and your episode was released, i think, two or three weeks ago, maybe four weeks ago.
• 13:14
  Rochelle: Time is like a funny thing.
• 13:15
  Rochelle: Now.
• 13:15
  Rochelle: It's just like yeah, and I think we both like I know, when I was editing it and listening to it, it was we originally recorded in August 2022, and it was just wild and like the recording, while I was recording it how much had shifted and you felt the same way, and so we just wanted to come back and sort of like have this like catch up, like re-conversation, just to see, like you know, the lessons and how life has just completely transformed over these last.
• 13:44
  Rochelle: I mean, what is it now?
• 13:45
  Rochelle: six, seven, eight months maybe?
• 13:47
  Tara: Yeah, yeah, it's so funny.
• 13:49
  Tara: So August I think it was just after August, sort of maybe end of August and September that I went through like a huge evolution, personal evolution, or a period of expansion, Like I was releasing so much and, yeah, i just expanded so much, and I feel like within those last couple of months I just was transformed into this new one.
• 14:11
  Tara: And then, listening to the podcast that we recorded, i'm like, wow, i'll just feel like a different person then, really interesting.
• 14:21
  Rochelle: Yeah, and it's funny, like when I listened to it too, it's like I knew where the space I was in, Like I remembered it so clearly And yet I was like also so far removed from that, you know.
• 14:30
  Rochelle: And yeah, so I would love to.
• 14:32
  Rochelle: I guess we'll like backtrack a little bit.
• 14:33
  Rochelle: For anybody who didn't listen to the first episode, i'll link it down below, like go listen to it, it was awesome.
• 14:37
  Rochelle: But I'll just give you the floor for you to introduce yourself, and then we can yeah, we can start to catch up.
• 14:43
  Tara: Okay, perfect.
• 14:44
  Tara: So yeah, my name's Tara.
• 14:46
  Tara: I'm an emotional empowerment coach, i.
• 14:51
  Tara: Where do I start?
• 14:52
  Tara: Well, i think I'll just start with a bit about my story.
• 14:55
  Tara: So for 17 plus years of my life I struggled with chronic anxiety and depression and addiction and an autoimmune.
• 15:04
  Tara: And I sort of started my personal development journey for almost four years ago And I started with all of the surface level things like practicing gratitude and meditating and all of those things, but only got me so far.
• 15:18
  Tara: And it was when I started releasing emotions from past experiences that I began to transform my life, transformed my health, you know, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
• 15:34
  Tara: I have just transformed into this new person where I no longer experience anxiety and depression.
• 15:41
  Rochelle: My autoimmune is decided from releasing emotions and I Okay, so you're just talking about releasing emotions and how it helped you.
• 15:52
  Tara: Yeah, so basically releasing emotions is what helped me step into the woman I am now, which is feeling empowered in my life, feeling free in my life, free of anxiety and insecurity, and really I didn't think that this version of myself was possible, like I always saw it.
• 16:14
  Tara: I always saw sort of other women that were competent, looked really powerful, looked like they had everything And you know, like obviously we only see surface level when we see other people, but as well, like I always thought that they were gifted in some way, that they were just blessed and that it wasn't possible for me until I obviously realized that, you know, what we see in other people is a reflection of what's possible for us as well, or a reflection of some part of us.
• 16:42
  Tara: And so when I started doing all of this work and I really delved deep on the pain that I was carrying with me, i was able to release that and step into newer versions of myself, like layered upon layered, which has led me to like living out my dream life.
• 17:03
  Tara: Basically, Like I can say with certainty that I feel happy every day.
• 17:09
  Tara: Even if I'm having a really tough day and like I've got some heavy emotions coming up, i still feel happy in my life And that is something that I always wanted.
• 17:18
  Tara: I remember saying to myself through my darkest times like I just want to be happy.
• 17:22
  Tara: And I remember someone close even saying to me once you're never going to be happy.
• 17:26
  Tara: And I believed them And I've just proven to myself and proven, hopefully, to other people that it's entirely possible.
• 17:36
  Tara: But it all comes back to the way you see, you love and hold yourself in everything, in all that you are, in all of your experiences, and seeing them with the, seeing them through the lens of like opportunity and growth, seeing them, seeing that they are all serving you in some way, even the hardest, even the most challenging, even the most painful.
• 18:01
  Tara: They are shaping you and guiding you in some way, shape or form right.
• 18:05
  Tara: And when you can see life in all its possibility, when you can see the light in the darkest of days, that's when you can really evolve into the next level version of yourself.
• 18:17
  Tara: And like it's whatever evolving right, like there is no there, you never get there, but that's a beautiful thing, because that would mean stagnation, you'd have nothing to grow towards, and that really, to me, i feel like, is the purpose of why we're here is just to keep growing, evolving and reshaping ourselves And then serving on people in the same way.
• 18:40
  Tara: So, yeah, that's led me to where I am now basically, which is like living out my dream of becoming an author, because that's something I've always wanted to do.
• 18:49
  Tara: I've been passionate about writing since I was 12 years old, but never thought I was good enough to ever write a book in the first place.
• 18:57
  Tara: I mean, i started multiple times and sabotaged myself, never thought I was good enough and never thought I was worthy of ever putting that out there.
• 19:05
  Tara: But, yeah, like through this work and releasing all of those old emotions, i have organically stepped into the person that truly believes in herself.
• 19:17
  Rochelle: Yeah, i have a few questions for that, just as my mind goes, but yeah, i think it's so powerful that just like releasing emotions right, because it's like emotions, i mean, it's all energy, it's all frequency, right, and it's like within our body And we're just.
• 19:30
  Rochelle: I feel like we're not taught anything about emotions when we're young.
• 19:34
  Rochelle: We're taught not to express them, right?
• 19:37
  Rochelle: It's like there's this ideal of like a person, and I was listening to a podcast today and she was talking about how we all want, you know, we want our daughters to be like tough and outspoken and all those things, but yet when they act like that in the house, we're told, we tell them to be quiet, you know, don't, don't be expressive, don't talk back to me, right?
• 19:53
  Rochelle: And it's this completely duality and just this confusing message.
• 19:59
  Rochelle: You know, i know I received that too where it was just like be this way, but not at home and not around those people and not these people, right.
• 20:06
  Rochelle: But then it's like, how am I supposed to embody any of these qualities, right?
• 20:08
  Rochelle: So I just think like actually digging in and releasing them is so powerful.
• 20:12
  Rochelle: And then, you know, as a manifester, was one of the emotions I mean, was anger a part of what you had to go through and dig through and release 100%.
• 20:23
  Tara: Actually, through the phase after we last recorded the last podcast.
• 20:26
  Tara: I think it was after, may have been before even but I went through a week where I was just having rage sessions.
• 20:33
  Tara: I don't know if I spoke about that on the last one, but like I had so much anger that needed to come through And it was really beautiful, it was so liberating to just be in that, to allow myself to just be angry.
• 20:49
  Tara: It almost just helped me step into like a wilder, freer version of myself And honestly it definitely as a manifester like anger is, remind me anger is our That self theme.
• 21:08
  Tara: Not self theme.
• 21:09
  Rochelle: Thank you.
• 21:09
  Rochelle: And so peace would be your like if you're going to bed feeling like peace, right, Like that's when you're in your like flow.
• 21:17
  Tara: Yes, yeah, exactly, and so I think and I think that peace comes from through all of those releases, right Through releasing who, the emotions of who you believe you should be or have been taught to be.
• 21:31
  Tara: But, yeah, i think, anger coming back to anger, i think anger is something that most women carry around with us, whether you're a manifester or not, because we're taught that it's not okay to express anger.
• 21:43
  Tara: You know it's not ladylike, it's.
• 21:46
  Tara: You know you can't be that in front of some people.
• 21:48
  Tara: So we are taught to suppress it And a lot of the time it comes out in the form of tears because we think it's unacceptable.
• 21:55
  Tara: Unconsciously, we feel unsafe to be in our anger, to rage.
• 22:01
  Tara: And there's something really beautiful about the emotion of anger.
• 22:04
  Tara: Like it's it to me, it brought out my wild woman.
• 22:08
  Tara: Like it it helped me just accept myself on another level And I try and encourage.
• 22:14
  Tara: Like I will even be on phone calls with clients and I'm like let's scream it out together.
• 22:20
  Tara: And like I'll have a rage with them if they're feeling some emotion.
• 22:23
  Tara: I'm like, grab a pillow, let's do this together and I'll have a little rage with them while I want to call with them.
• 22:29
  Tara: And it's so beautiful because I can see the light in them after they've done that.
• 22:33
  Tara: I can see them like like the last plan I did this with she was like, wow, that felt amazing And it's like, yeah, because it's all of this energy that we've been holding on to for so many years And that's you've just created all this space within you.
• 22:46
  Tara: It's really beautiful.
• 22:48
  Rochelle: Yeah, i one of the like.
• 22:52
  Rochelle: Anger has always been a tough emotion for me, and for so many reasons like we just talked about.
• 22:56
  Rochelle: Right.
• 22:56
  Rochelle: But one night I remember and this was alcohol induced, so I would be curious to go there, as you know, being sober and just like actual release of emotions.
• 23:04
  Rochelle: But I was drinking one night and I got so angry about something.
• 23:07
  Rochelle: I usually suppress it.
• 23:08
  Rochelle: I'll be like stop acting like that Or you know some sort of internal story that's trying to get me to like, you know, find something else to do or have another drink or just go to bed or like whatever it is.
• 23:18
  Rochelle: But like this one night, like I was so mad and I like took I have like a bat in my room but I like took my bat and I like started beating my bed and then, like I punched my wall, which I never like I'd never release anger.
• 23:29
  Rochelle: Anger honestly like scares me.
• 23:30
  Rochelle: I still feel like when anger rises up in other people, it sort of triggers me a little bit and I'm learning how to like move through that.
• 23:36
  Rochelle: But the release I felt like I was crying and like all this.
• 23:39
  Rochelle: And the release I felt after, though I was like it was so intense emotionally and I was so exhausted after that, but I felt like free.
• 23:46
  Rochelle: I was like, wow, you know.
• 23:48
  Rochelle: And so I would be curious, like what you you mentioned screaming into a pillow but like, what does a rage session mean to you?
• 23:55
  Rochelle: What does that look like?
• 23:57
  Tara: Yeah, very similar to what you just described.
• 23:59
  Tara: Really, it's, yeah, like screaming into a pillow, beating up my couch or my bed, like throwing a cushion around, like fully punching the bed.
• 24:10
  Tara: Sometimes it's like really letting it out, and sometimes they'll even vocalise like I'm just fully let it out because there's that part of you that wants to express itself And if you just allow that it flows through you, when you suppress it, it's when you get reactive or trigger it easily.
• 24:33
  Tara: When you release it, you're like in this new energy where you just feel a bit untouchable.
• 24:39
  Tara: Someone could come and look you in the eye and do the same thing that made you angry a moment ago, and you can look back at them and be like you have no power with me anymore.
• 24:50
  Tara: So it's really beautiful And I think as well.
• 24:52
  Tara: Can I ask you a question after you had that rage, did you have in the coming days because you've shifted a lot of energy, so you do feel a bit exhausted to start with, but in the coming days after that, did you feel like a new sort of energy around you, or did you feel like you had more energy in any way?
• 25:11
  Rochelle: Honestly, i felt a little bit empowered because it was something I had never allowed myself to express my entire life.
• 25:17
  Rochelle: Yes, i was drunk basically I mean not basically I was drunk when it happened but even still, just the release of it was just so powerful.
• 25:26
  Rochelle: And I remember when I went through therapy, that's always been the one emotion And my therapist was like you need to find a rage room and just go smash some plates.
• 25:34
  Rochelle: One time maybe this is the second time One time.
• 25:38
  Rochelle: One time was in my kitchen and something made me so mad And I think when I did this it scared my kids And it was.
• 25:43
  Rochelle: I wasn't even putting the two together, right, but they were in the other room and I was holding a stack of plates And I just got so mad and I dropped them And again I felt like so good, but then they got so scared And I was like oh, so then I had to pull myself back.
• 25:56
  Rochelle: I was like, okay, it wasn't the appropriate place, it's not like I threw them across the room or anything like that, but it was just the release and watching them shatter.
• 26:02
  Rochelle: For some I don't know if it was like I funneled my anger into those plates and just seeing it smash, i was like, i felt like I was like huh.
• 26:09
  Rochelle: But then then then my kids got scared And I was like, oops, yeah, maybe when you're not at home.
• 26:17
  Tara: It's funny, hey, i have actually started teaching my boys to rage.
• 26:22
  Tara: Like when they get angry, i'm like come on, come into my bedroom and they like beat up, like hit my bed and they will like scream into the pillow with me and they'll throw it and it ends up being a game.
• 26:31
  Tara: But I'm showing them how to like healthily express their anger so that they don't feel like it's not okay to express it.
• 26:38
  Tara: And then there's times where they'll get angry and maybe hit their sibling or kick the couch or whatever, and like they might hurt themselves in the process.
• 26:47
  Tara: And so I try and guide them back to like a safe and healthy way to do it so that they can still, they know it's okay to feel that way, they know it's okay to express it, but just do it in a way that's not going to harm them or harm anyone else.
• 26:59
  Tara: And then, like they've seen me through all of my tears, my rage, but I want them to see me because I want them to know that it's okay.
• 27:10
  Tara: So, yeah, like there's times like that where could startle them and scare them, but as well, if there are times like that, just maybe explaining to them as well, you know, but yeah, there is something really empowering about not only releasing anger but releasing any deeper emotions that you have been holding on to, and that's really definition.
• 27:34
  Tara: A part of definition of emotional empowerment is that empowered feeling you feel after the release of emotion.
• 27:43
  Tara: The second part of that is actually intentionally using emotion to then consciously create a life that you want to live, because that's the second part of it, but that's what I love teaching people as well.
• 27:55
  Tara: I have started.
• 27:58
  Tara: So I had a rage this morning.
• 27:58
  Tara: I woke up feeling pretty good, but then I had some, some emotion come up and I'm just like I think I just needed to do a little bit of emotional maintenance.
• 28:08
  Tara: I started calling it emotional maintenance.
• 28:08
  Tara: So every now and again I'll just I'll intentionally go and release emotion, even if there's nothing really present for me.
• 28:16
  Tara: I'll put on some music, i'll go on to have a cry, i'll go and have a rage, just with the intention of feeling what's coming up, without like labeling it, without creating a story about it, just to keep myself in that place of power.
• 28:34
  Tara: So every those times I'm feeling a little disempowered, but ever I'm feeling a little bit off track or disconnected from myself.
• 28:40
  Tara: I'll do some emotional maintenance, and that always brings me back to that place of power and that that place of connection within myself.
• 28:49
  Rochelle: It's really beautiful, yeah, and I was going to ask you earlier too about your boys, because I have a son as well and I always am like sort of I don't want to place the labels of like boys being angry or you know what I mean like the social labels that we have out there.
• 29:06
  Rochelle: But yeah, I always try and just even in that situation it's like when they ask me or something I'll be like I'm just sad or I'm just angry and it's okay.
• 29:14
  Rochelle: But same with him, right, He'll get mad and he'll throw something or he'll hit something, and I'm like trying to redirect it in a healthy way, but like also letting him know it's okay to express it and not just like bottle it all inside, because I think that's when, obviously, when it becomes big and scary, is when you're not releasing it in any way.
• 29:31
  Tara: Yeah, And it's super, it's actually really challenging as a parent when they do three things or do something that is probably not appropriate.
• 29:40
  Tara: It's really hard to not parent them the way you were parented Very hard.
• 29:44
  Tara: It's so hard Like there's been times where I've sort of snapped and like don't do that, that's not okay.
• 29:48
  Tara: But then I'm like like I don't want him to think it's not okay to express emotion, because it is.
• 29:57
  Tara: It's the very thing you should be doing really, but just doing it in a different way.
• 30:02
  Tara: And I think, yeah, you become reactive when you're parenting because you're just like all you know is what you were taught and it's hard to like, you know it's hard to like become really conscious of everything that you're saying to them and redirect them in a different way.
• 30:17
  Tara: Yeah, it's challenging, i'm not gonna lie.
• 30:20
  Rochelle: But yeah, but it's also very powerful And I find myself in this as well as like coming back, even, like if I do go off and be like, don't do that, go to your room And then the minute that I realized that, where I've the space that I've reacted from, then go in and be like, okay, listen, this is where I was at, you know, whatever.
• 30:36
  Rochelle: Because then, like my son does this projection thing, where he's like you think I'm stupid or something.
• 30:42
  Rochelle: I'm like did I say that?
• 30:43
  Rochelle: Like that's your interpretation of my response to you, but I'm like you know, or when I, when I'll say I don't even know, i'm trying to think of an example, when, like, an action was wrong or an action was I don't, i try not to use those words, but just where he interprets it as me saying he's bad And I'm like, no, what you did frustrated me, but that's not you fresh, you know what I mean.
• 31:07
  Rochelle: So I try and like, really play with those words so he can understand like your actions may have angered me, your actions may have been out of line, your actions may have been disrespectful, but you are not, you know.
• 31:19
  Rochelle: So I think going back and repairing that is is is powerful.
• 31:24
  Tara: So important, yeah, and just owning it when you, when you do make a mistake like that, like own it And I I've apologized to my boys so many times And like that wasn't okay for me to say that in that way, like this is what happened, this is where I was at, exactly like you said.
• 31:39
  Tara: Yeah, i think that's really important because they do like when you just leave it, when you react to whatever, sometimes and I know this from my own experiences we create stories or beliefs about ourself in certain situations.
• 31:52
  Tara: So like, like you said, if you react a certain way because of the action that they took, they might interpret that to or make a belief about themself that they're not okay or there's something wrong with them.
• 32:05
  Tara: And yeah, so when you can own up to it and take ownership of, like your mistakes in that or just like re explaining it to them, then they're not going to carry that belief with them through their adult life.
• 32:20
  Tara: And I and I know this from my own experiences because I've created beliefs about myself as a child, when I was a child, that have taken with me, you know, and I think, a lot most of us, all of us do, and it could be the tiniest things.
• 32:32
  Tara: So like my sister sort of making fun of me and teasing me.
• 32:36
  Tara: Growing up made me believe that it wasn't okay or safe to use my voice and that like if I did speak and be myself and say what was on my mind, that I could be tensed or ridiculed or hurt in some way.
• 32:51
  Tara: And that was a subconscious belief that I held.
• 32:55
  Tara: I wasn't conscious of it, but I just knew I had this fear of speaking and I had anxiety around it, and so they're the sort of things that can be really minor, but they're the sort of things we carry with us And they create a lot of our fears and experiences as an adult, right, and I almost hate sometimes that I'm aware of this stuff because I hold so much guilt around the way our parents sometimes for that reason I'm like I'm shaping their minds right now And I'm like what am I doing?
• 33:24
  Tara: So I get really paranoid about it, but at the same time I just have to really push control of that and know that it is their experience.
• 33:35
  Rochelle: Yeah, exactly I think the same And I think, just being aware of it, right, you're doing a great job, right, And it's just like even having these conversations and we're all, we're all human, right, And even what you just said like we try and do the best that we can as parents, but then siblings can come in and condition and give subconscious beliefs, right.
• 33:51
  Rochelle: So it's like you can do the best that you can, but you can't control all the situations.
• 33:55
  Rochelle: And yeah, it's their experience, it's their life, it's their journey, it's their path that they've chosen for a very specific reason.
• 34:00
  Rochelle: So I have like had moments to where I'm like, Oh my gosh, like my daughter went through this and now she's conditioned and she's going to have trauma from this, And it's like you know.
• 34:09
  Rochelle: But I mean, of course, we want our kids to have the best life possible, And also it's life you know it's chose to be human and experience these emotions and experience this all that comes with it.
• 34:23
  Tara: Yeah, And not saying like it's okay to traumatize your children, obviously, but those times sometimes are their greatest gifts as well.
• 34:36
  Tara: So, like the things that they go through, the challenges that they have, can really help them connect to themselves more or create more in their later lives, or just yeah, i don't know, it's through through some of our most challenging times that we grow the most or we we create more lives, you know, yeah, it really is like the destruction that the new growth comes.
• 35:04
  Tara: It's from the destruction that new growth comes.
• 35:07
  Tara: So, yeah, understanding that as well, it's like okay, there's going to be these little things that they may have to heal through or, like, heal from.
• 35:22
  Rochelle: At the same time, that could be exactly what they needed to live out, what they're meaning to live out in this experience, yeah, and I think from zero to seven is when they're kind of living in this subconscious state and you know, big T trauma, little T trauma, trauma to a seven year old might seem so insignificant, to a 35 year old, right, but it's, you know, it's all relevant And we're all doing the best that we can.
• 35:45
  Rochelle: Like you said, like nobody's trying to give their kids trauma.
• 35:48
  Rochelle: You know, we're all doing the best we can with what we know And I don't think it's ever too late to go back and repair those bonds and to just like do better once you know better.
• 35:55
  Rochelle: And there was another piece that you've said, so many like keywords for this one.
• 36:00
  Rochelle: So there's a theme.
• 36:01
  Rochelle: So April is like is airy, season is just like really huge, but one of these like big themes is this change, this transformation.
• 36:09
  Rochelle: And when you first mentioned it, you're talking about like transforming and just like leaning into the change and stuff like that.
• 36:14
  Rochelle: And so I was like, okay, i bet she's got gate three somewhere in her chart, because gate three is difficulty in the beginning And it's all about optimization, it's all about like leaning into the change and transformation and every like keyword that you just like keep saying and you just mentioned again, which is why, and for you, it's in your unconscious Venus, and so this is like so much, a way of like how you express and your emotions and your values, and like art and writing like this would be like so much channelled into all of that from an unconscious state.
• 36:40
  Rochelle: Right, it's just like running in the background, but I just want to bring that up because you keep having these little like keywords to me that I'm like oh, it's gate three.
• 36:49
  Tara: Right, yeah, see, i don't know enough about human design to know that, but it's really interesting.
• 36:53
  Tara: Yeah, and I do channel three creativity.
• 36:57
  Rochelle: Yeah, yeah, and it's leaning into that, because a lot of people, like you know, when it comes to the face of, in the face of change, they like dig their feet in right And they're so fixing it.
• 37:04
  Rochelle: And it's like I don't want to change, i don't want to like.
• 37:07
  Rochelle: It's scary, right, and then it creates chaos when you're coming from a space of fear, right, so you can either lean into it and alchemize it or you can just sit in this chaotic state and be like, nope, not doing, it, not happening.
• 37:18
  Rochelle: And so I think it's just beautiful that I think we all have a fear in some way and some resistance in some way.
• 37:24
  Rochelle: But it's like can you actually like lean into that?
• 37:26
  Rochelle: And then for you, that's where your expression comes from.
• 37:28
  Rochelle: Right, that's when the writing like that's when that stuff would really get moving.
• 37:33
  Tara: Absolutely Like.
• 37:35
  Tara: I have a chapter in my second book called Purge and Surge, and it's basically about like being in the destruction and allowing yourself to really lean into all of that emotion and then experiencing that surge afterwards, where you are like in your creative flow, in your peace, in your power.
• 37:52
  Tara: Yeah, so there's something really beautiful about that And there's something else that's going to stay there now.
• 38:00
  Tara: I can't remember what it was.
• 38:01
  Tara: No, it's gone, yeah.
• 38:06
  Rochelle: I might come back, yeah, so with that, i would love to talk about your books and I would love to know, like what you feel like the shift was between August and like when all of that started, like really like taking action and like gaining momentum.
• 38:20
  Tara: Yeah, So I started writing my first book early.
• 38:26
  Tara: It was about a year ago now, i think.
• 38:29
  Tara: So I started writing that book.
• 38:33
  Tara: I was writing that based on where I was out at them.
• 38:36
  Tara: At that time I was in touch with my emotions, i'd done some emotional release work.
• 38:42
  Tara: I'd like come such a long way from where I was, and that book is basically about coming home to yourself and learning how to radically trust yourself.
• 38:54
  Tara: I got to almost the end of that book and then I went through that period of expansion and that to me, was like when I started experiencing all of my anger.
• 39:06
  Tara: I really allowed all that to come up and I think it was like that time that I just surrendered to all of it.
• 39:14
  Tara: Like you spoke about resistance and having fear around it, and I completely just let all of that go and lean into it, because it is the resistance towards it that creates our suffering.
• 39:26
  Tara: Right, it creates that long-term pain, but when you can fully lean into it, that's when you can surrender to it and allow the energy of all of those emotions to fully flow through you.
• 39:43
  Tara: And the thing is when you do that, it becomes temporary.
• 39:46
  Tara: Yes, it can be painful in the moment And, understandably, we have fear around that.
• 39:51
  Tara: We want to protect ourselves from that pain because we do just want to seek pleasure and avoid pain.
• 39:57
  Tara: That's like humans.
• 39:59
  Tara: We do that.
• 40:00
  Tara: But if we can lean into that pain, we can experience pleasure on a new level.
• 40:04
  Tara: We can experience the contrast of that.
• 40:06
  Tara: So I went through this period of just complete surrender into all of it.
• 40:12
  Tara: I went through and experienced all of my anger I don't want to say all of my anger, it's there But I really moved through all that and I grieved like an old version of myself.
• 40:26
  Tara: I grieved past relationship.
• 40:28
  Tara: I grieved old beliefs that I was shedding and completely evolved into this new woman.
• 40:36
  Tara: And so my second book and that's where the creation of my new program and my program that I released this year And my second book came from was that evolution phase where I completely alchemised all of those emotions.
• 40:51
  Tara: I completely transformed myself into this new woman.
• 40:54
  Tara: And the second book is and that's when I was able as well sorry to consciously create a new life for myself.
• 41:02
  Tara: So I decided in that moment, like I know exactly what relationship I want and I'm going to create it, and I wrote it all down and I called in exactly what I asked for And it's been fucking magical, like sorry.
• 41:15
  Tara: The second book, like the first book, is coming home to yourself radical self trust.
• 41:20
  Tara: The second book is about is titled Becoming Her.
• 41:24
  Tara: So it's about stepping into that woman that you want to be through this work, through emotional empowerment, through liberating, like your feminine, because it's so beautiful, and then consciously creating a life that you really desire to live.
• 41:43
  Tara: So, like I said, i got to the almost the very end of that first book.
• 41:47
  Tara: I didn't quite finish it, and then I wrote the first, like one of the chapters of Becoming Her.
• 41:57
  Tara: After that period, then that book also sat there for a few months And so it was only six weeks ago I think six or seven weeks ago that I decided to finish those books And I wrote the last three chapters of the first book, which is titled You Don't Have Anxiety, and then I wrote the remainder of Becoming Her within four weeks because I was just such in flow with it, which was really beautiful.
• 42:35
  Tara: And, yeah, both of those books are being released this year and I'm so excited to bring them out.
• 42:40
  Rochelle: That's amazing.
• 42:41
  Rochelle: Yeah, I love that.
• 42:44
  Tara: It's been such a huge year.
• 42:48
  Rochelle: It has, and even since I mean for me, I feel like it's been since like September, just like so many massive shifts and changes Was there one specific thing that you felt like really made the shift?
• 43:03
  Tara: It was definitely the anger that was huge like that.
• 43:06
  Tara: That happened in September.
• 43:07
  Tara: I'm almost certain of it.
• 43:10
  Tara: Yeah, it's definitely since September.
• 43:11
  Tara: So much has changed.
• 43:13
  Tara: But what happened in?
• 43:15
  Rochelle: September.
• 43:16
  Rochelle: I was just trying to think that I'm like, what astrology, what transit was happening?
• 43:21
  Rochelle: I would have to go back and look.
• 43:24
  Rochelle: I mean, I can look.
• 43:26
  Rochelle: I can pull it up real quick now, as you're always curious.
• 43:32
  Tara: Yeah, so it was that it was grieving and postversion of myself.
• 43:36
  Tara: It was just really surrendering to all of it, just allowing myself to fully feel everything And then deciding from that place, from my highest self, exactly what I wanted in my life, and deciding that, giving myself everything that I wanted from that emotionally.
• 43:58
  Tara: So, like, what is it that I want from this relationship that I'm trying to create?
• 44:04
  Tara: For example, i want connection, i want love, i want to play with someone.
• 44:11
  Tara: Like I want to have fun, want to go on adventures, and I just started giving myself all of it.
• 44:16
  Tara: Like I just started connecting to my heart more.
• 44:19
  Tara: I just started like loving myself more.
• 44:23
  Tara: I started holding myself in all of my emotions because that's what I wanted from someone else.
• 44:29
  Tara: I wanted someone to just fully accept me in all of my emotion, because we are women, we are emotional creatures.
• 44:35
  Tara: Like I wanted someone to just love me for that, instead of thinking it's an attack on them and being defensive because a lot of men, especially my path relationships, have been like that And so and I went and like played on the beach by myself, like I was doing covers on the beach, like I went on adventures by myself, like I gave myself everything that I create in a relationship.
• 44:57
  Tara: I wrote down everything that I wanted and I created that And then I called him in.
• 45:02
  Tara: Like we met in October and it'll be six months that we've been together this weekend for Moon.
• 45:12
  Rochelle: That's so beautiful.
• 45:13
  Rochelle: I love that.
• 45:14
  Rochelle: Yeah, that's so powerful, Like giving yourself the things that you want and like making that list right And getting really clear on it and then giving it to yourself and not just like waiting for somebody else to give it to you.
• 45:24
  Rochelle: That's so powerful because then you're in your magnetic state, right.
• 45:28
  Rochelle: You're just like in your fullness and it's seen and felt and people are just like magnetized towards that.
• 45:34
  Rochelle: I love it.
• 45:35
  Tara: Yeah, and I think he manifesting like we're taught to detach.
• 45:38
  Tara: Right, you got to detach from it.
• 45:39
  Tara: You know can't be attached to it or it's not, you're not going to call it in, like, if you're attached to it, you're in the frequency of not having it.
• 45:46
  Tara: Blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 45:47
  Tara: This is how you detach.
• 45:48
  Tara: You give yourself everything that you're craving emotionally from whatever it is that you're trying to call in, whether it's a relationship or whatever, giving yourself everything.
• 45:58
  Tara: And then you're like wait, i already have it, because I've just given myself everything.
• 46:01
  Tara: I already have a feeling.
• 46:03
  Tara: And then you can detach, and then you can be in your peace and in your power and you can be happy before you're happy.
• 46:09
  Tara: You know, and I think being in that state like you no longer really need much from outside if you realize that you actually do have it all already.
• 46:20
  Tara: It's just a matter of being taught or finding creative ways of providing that to yourself.
• 46:28
  Rochelle: Yeah, i love that.
• 46:29
  Rochelle: It's like you alchemized it by giving it to yourself, so then you didn't need it, you know because, you had it.
• 46:34
  Rochelle: It's interesting, i feel like in my so I've been single for about six years now And there's obviously periods of like loneliness or there used to be so much more of like.
• 46:45
  Rochelle: I need to, of course, with like dating apps and stuff.
• 46:47
  Rochelle: it's almost like.
• 46:48
  Rochelle: it's like social media, right, swiping, swiping, swiping.
• 46:50
  Rochelle: But I got to the point like fairly recently I would say, where it's just I don't know.
• 46:56
  Rochelle: It's like I'm so fine by myself, which then has that like double edge thing where I'm like am I too fine by myself, though?
• 47:02
  Rochelle: I mean like, am I going to like push people away because I'm like I'm good?
• 47:08
  Rochelle: But yeah, it's sort of it did go from a space of like I need somebody else to come in and make me feel a certain way.
• 47:14
  Rochelle: you know to, and I mean I have, like when I was have dated people in the past, like in these past six years, like if there were evenings where I wanted to do something and I like got a sitter and was hoping that they would ask me out or whatever, and they didn't get disappointed, i would still like take myself out, right.
• 47:30
  Rochelle: It was still the act of like giving myself what I was actually craving that evening, right Just to like get out and be among adults or whatever, and I would give that to myself.
• 47:38
  Rochelle: But there was still an underlying theme of like well, you didn't give this to me, you know.
• 47:43
  Rochelle: there was still like the expectation.
• 47:44
  Rochelle: that was like there on some level, even though I still gave myself what I was craving at the end of the day, but it was coming from a space, i guess, of lack or need or desire or something like that.
• 47:54
  Tara: Yeah, that's really important too is where is it coming from?
• 47:57
  Tara: Is it coming from a place of like?
• 47:59
  Tara: because I don't have it?
• 48:00
  Tara: Yeah, for me, i think that's where the emotional release came in first.
• 48:07
  Tara: It's like I'm releasing everything that I feel like I am lacking in my life, like I'm releasing those feelings of not being good enough, like I'm releasing those feelings of being worthless and needing to feel my worth from someone else, and so, when I was giving myself all of those things, i was already in place of power because I no longer had, like those underlying frequencies there.
• 48:29
  Tara: Right, i was already in my body, and so when I was doing it, i was like I'm doing it because I've got so much abundance, like I've got this now, like I am my love, i am my lover, and yeah, i guess that's what made it really powerful.
• 48:47
  Tara: The other thing you mentioned is like there's been moments of loneliness.
• 48:49
  Tara: That was another huge shift I had to make.
• 48:51
  Tara: I resisted my loneliness for so long And I resisted it through like going out on dates with people and like being on Tinder and things like that.
• 49:04
  Tara: Like I would pick up Tinder when I felt lonely, or, you know, on social media or whatever, and I remember there was one night where I was completely single, at the first time, that I wasn't seeing anyone.
• 49:19
  Tara: I didn't plan to see anyone, i wanted to fully just be by myself, to experience it.
• 49:28
  Tara: I felt loneliness that, like in loneliness, inevitably came up.
• 49:33
  Tara: But there was just a powerful moment where I went to pick up my phone to message someone because I felt lonely A man And this is now the man I'm with.
• 49:45
  Tara: Now, right, i went to pick up my phone to message him and we had hardly spoken before this.
• 49:49
  Tara: Actually, i don't think we'd ever spoken before this.
• 49:51
  Tara: We'd met once and we were friends on Facebook.
• 49:56
  Tara: I picked up my phone to message him and I was like no, i actually don't want to start a conversation from this place of loneliness.
• 50:03
  Tara: And I put my phone down and I remember having a little cry.
• 50:07
  Tara: So I just felt lonely, i felt completely alone.
• 50:11
  Tara: And I remember it was about an hour later, or however long it was.
• 50:17
  Tara: I walked into my bedroom and I was like you know what I just I accept that I feel lonely right now.
• 50:22
  Tara: I know that it's only temporary, i fully accept that I feel lonely right now.
• 50:26
  Tara: And then I got a message from him that night, like it was.
• 50:33
  Tara: You know, everything is energy, right When we, it was like as soon as I accepted that loneliness, it disappeared.
• 50:41
  Tara: It was like it was.
• 50:42
  Tara: I didn't had no resistance to it anymore.
• 50:44
  Tara: It was there, but it was like you know what.
• 50:47
  Tara: I'm good now, i fully accept it.
• 50:49
  Tara: It's only temporary And it just sort of disappeared from that moment.
• 50:52
  Tara: And then that's when I got a message from him.
• 50:55
  Tara: So We are all energy, like you said at the start, like it is all.
• 51:02
  Tara: Emotion is energy.
• 51:03
  Tara: When you can release that, everything kind of falls into place around you as well.
• 51:09
  Tara: Life becomes a lot more effortless and you become a lot more magnetic, just by releasing or releasing resistance towards those more painful and challenging emotions.
• 51:28
  Tara: Yeah, it's beautiful.
• 51:32
  Rochelle: I have a question.
• 51:33
  Rochelle: So you don't drink, do you No?
• 51:36
  Tara: Well, not anymore In Saina.
• 51:40
  Tara: I went to dinner with a friend last night and had to a couple of glasses of red wine.
• 51:43
  Rochelle: Yeah, Okay, i don't know.
• 51:45
  Rochelle: Okay, yeah, i.
• 51:48
  Rochelle: So I quit drinking in September And what I've noticed for myself personally, and I would just be curious if this is an experience that you have.
• 51:56
  Rochelle: I mean, i was drinking like multiple times a week before that.
• 51:59
  Rochelle: Even if it was just like a glass, that was still, and I But I almost feel like it's a bit harder to not connect with my emotions but like be emotional, and I'm wondering if, just because, like the alcohol enhanced my emotions so much that it was just like an overdrive, but I've been so used to that my entire life that, like this feeling of neutrality is very strange for me, that I'm like, am I missing something?
• 52:23
  Rochelle: Like like confused, but like I'm making so much better decisions right, like I am more tapped into my body in, even when it like comes to dating, if I feel off a little bit, if something doesn't sit right, instead of just like ignoring that and be like, oh, but they want to pay attention to me or oh, they want to see me again.
• 52:36
  Rochelle: I'm like I'm going to pay attention to like that feeling, but it's something that I've noticed like I used to cry all the time, all the time, and like I still cry every now and again, but it's not like a daily thing anymore, and so I was just curious if that was anything that.
• 52:52
  Tara: I think we've got to remember as well, like alcohol is the depressant and we make poorer choices, like you said, when we do drink and things like that, which obviously ignites the emotion that we generally wouldn't have when we are making clearer decisions from a play, like from a sober place.
• 53:09
  Tara: So there's all of that.
• 53:12
  Tara: I was a huge drinker, like I.
• 53:15
  Tara: Alcohol was my go to to escape, definitely, and up to so it's.
• 53:23
  Tara: I pretty much stopped drinking.
• 53:27
  Tara: Like I'll have maybe one or two very rarely, but I pretty much stopped drinking in December 2021.
• 53:39
  Tara: So it's been, yeah, like 15 months or something, and I've definitely noticed like I've it's a hard one.
• 53:57
  Tara: I think I'm still a very emotional person, but my emotion comes from a place of being connected, as opposed to disconnected from myself.
• 54:10
  Tara: Like my emotion when I was drinking, which is a very emotional person And it would very much it would spiral and I wouldn't have much control over it because I'd be more in my mind than I was in my body.
• 54:19
  Tara: I think when, since being sober, i've been way more connected to my body, which is where our emotions are right, and it's like where we've got this emotional body and in that connected state, i can more easily be with that feeling, just be with that emotion, release it through dance or through however it wants to move through me.
• 54:46
  Tara: So yeah, i think that would be.
• 54:51
  Tara: That's my experience definitely.
• 54:53
  Rochelle: Yeah, i think it's just like such a foreign concept for my body to actually be within itself, because I do, like I've noticed so much more like momentum in my business and the podcast and like things are moving right.
• 55:05
  Rochelle: Like I'm noticing that and I do feel a lot more connected with myself.
• 55:08
  Rochelle: I just like often I will think about it and be like huh, i haven't like really cried or like been like super emotional in a while And then I'm like that I have that moment, like is something wrong with me, like am I actually disconnected from my body?
• 55:19
  Rochelle: but like on a spiritual level, like I feel like I'm really tapped into my psychic skills or I'm working on it right.
• 55:24
  Rochelle: So I yeah, it was just a just something I've like often just pondered but I do feel a lot more embodied and it is sort of hard like dating, where people will be like let's get a drink or a lot, a lot revolves on alcohol, right, and it's like then the shadows come up.
• 55:40
  Rochelle: But I appreciate it because then I can see the shadows right where it's like, if I'm not drinking, am I going to be boring, are you going to want to hang out with me or you want a date to, if I'm not drinking, because then you know what I mean and it's like none of that is really like my problem and if that is the case and it's not right, but also I can be fun, right, and I can be like like it's not smart, but whatever, like word I'm looking for in any situation.
• 56:04
  Rochelle: I don't have to have alcohol to be that.
• 56:07
  Tara: Really it's our, it's in our culture, right?
• 56:09
  Tara: it's like everyone's for a drink and we use alcohol so much.
• 56:13
  Tara: And I definitely had all of those fears as well.
• 56:18
  Tara: Like you know all the friends that are used to hang out with me to go out for a drink, and like I'm not going to be able to do that.
• 56:25
  Tara: Or if I go to their house and they want to have a drink, i'm like am I just going to be boring?
• 56:29
  Tara: Are they going to want to hang out with me?
• 56:32
  Tara: all of the same thoughts are coming up for me to.
• 56:34
  Tara: But yeah, same.
• 56:35
  Tara: Like, with that awareness you get to then use it as an opportunity to like remove that, to fully release it and transmitter.
• 56:49
  Tara: I made the decision, like when I had gone through that period last year and decided what type of man I wanted in my life I was.
• 56:59
  Tara: That was one of the things that I wrote down, like he's not.
• 57:01
  Tara: He's not a drinker and he's going to appreciate the fact that I no longer drink.
• 57:05
  Tara: And I feel like a fraud saying this after having a wine last night, but that's what I called in.
• 57:16
  Tara: So we, the first day was a yoga class so it was really, you know it was beautiful and I think That's one thing.
• 57:27
  Tara: If you're, if you want to call someone in as well that doesn't drink and it's not going to judge you for not being a drinker, like you said.
• 57:35
  Tara: They're not going to be right for you if they do that.
• 57:36
  Tara: But if you want to consciously call that person in and decide that's what you want, you know, just deciding with certainty is one of the pillars of being a conscious creator is like, yeah, that's, that's absolutely what I want, and if there's any resistance to that, it's up to you to do that.
• 57:52
  Tara: I think it's like I'm going to be into that and be like why am I not calling that in?
• 57:55
  Tara: why do I have you know, why is there a fear around calling that type of person in?
• 57:59
  Tara: Awareness is everything, and I think there's so many levels of awareness to, but you gain more of it through your emotional release work as well as why I like I just think it's everything.
• 58:14
  Rochelle: I mean I, yeah, completely, and, like I said, i think it's it's so fun also to be able to see these like shadows as they're coming up and like digging into them and just be like huh, it's really interesting.
• 58:23
  Rochelle: You know, like I don't know, i was having conversation today with somebody.
• 58:26
  Rochelle: I was like, but drunk sex is so much fun, but I'm like it's so sexy me fun too, like why does it have to be?
• 58:30
  Rochelle: you know what I mean?
• 58:31
  Rochelle: like just these little things that you don't think about, that like pop up and I'm like that's really interesting.
• 58:36
  Rochelle: You're deciding when to have it, at a time that actually makes sense and not just like you know but feel like look completely awful about yourself the next time.
• 58:57
  Rochelle: Yeah, yeah, there's definitely a lot of perks to it.
• 58:59
  Rochelle: I have not, like I haven't had sex since I went, since I haven't been drinking.
• 59:04
  Rochelle: It's been like I just kind of like purged everything.
• 59:07
  Rochelle: I went like full hermit mode because I was like I don't even want to be tempted by anything.
• 59:11
  Rochelle: I want to like really like come back to myself and I got through the holidays and I didn't have any drinks.
• 59:17
  Rochelle: And then there was, there was one point where I was so close but even my parents, they were like Rachelle, you've done so good, like don't do it.
• 59:24
  Rochelle: I was like, okay, you know, like it was just a reminder.
• 59:27
  Rochelle: But I do feel like even when I go out and I say no, or like I choose to have a coffee date as opposed to, you know, going out for a drink, and people who have been like let's get a drink, and I tell them I don't drink, would you want to go for coffee?
• 59:39
  Rochelle: and then they don't respond or they whatever.
• 59:41
  Rochelle: I'm like, okay, cool.
• 59:44
  Tara: So sweet time but, yeah, i had a client as well that was, you know, wanting to give up alcohol and she's, she is.
• 59:53
  Tara: But same thing, like all of our friends say, that's how they catch up the guy for a drink.
• 59:58
  Tara: And I'm like what if you guys were to go to mini golf or something together?
• 1:00:01
  Tara: that's pretty fun, yeah.
• 1:00:03
  Tara: Yeah, so many different things you can do with people.
• 1:00:07
  Tara: But I think as well like I decided as well to not just expect that from the people that I was hanging out with, but also surrounding myself with more like-minded people I'd go to different events where I could meet more people that were in the same space as me, so that I didn't feel isolated in that.
• 1:00:29
  Rochelle: Yeah, and I am calling it a lot more people that don't drink or don't drink as often, and it's just never.
• 1:00:33
  Rochelle: It's kind of the point now where it's like, unless there's a specific situation, like you know again, like I find dating because I get a little bit anxious going on a date then it's like that's always been my go-to Just get there early and have a drink before they get there, right, that's what I would do, and then I'd be like a little bit at ease.
• 1:00:50
  Rochelle: So now I'm like just dealing with different ways to like actually using the tools right, self-regulation tools to sit there and like visualize or just like breathe and really come back to myself, to like release that anxiety that the alcohol wasn't actually helping, it was masking, you know, and so now I actually get to really use it And so, yeah, it's a really cool experience.
• 1:01:09
  Rochelle: You know, i feel like my life has completely that's been like.
• 1:01:14
  Rochelle: My big shift since we talked right Since August is like quitting drinking, like saying yes to a sober life has just like opened so much for me And so that's what.
• 1:01:26
  Rochelle: Yeah, every time like I consider having a drink, like that's the thing that keeps me going, like there's I just yeah, i was so unproductive before I mean like, yeah, i was just like blocking myself.
• 1:01:38
  Rochelle: It was my way of self-sabotaging my business, my, you know, like everything, it was me getting in my own way And when I released that like there was nothing, there was no like excuses right.
• 1:01:50
  Tara: It is a form of self-sabotaging.
• 1:01:52
  Tara: I think when we do reach for alcohol, it is to meet a need that we're not conscious of.
• 1:02:00
  Tara: So, like that need could be to be able to connect with someone.
• 1:02:05
  Tara: Alcohol we use as a form of connection really, because, you know, we've know other people that drink, so we go out and have a drink with them and we connect, and so we're meeting that need of connection.
• 1:02:18
  Tara: Like we all have that human need of connection with someone else, and what we're not taught or what we don't realize is there are other avenues of meeting that need in ways that don't sabotage your health or your business or your mindset, you know.
• 1:02:33
  Tara: So when we become conscious of that and really understand what needs and what emotional needs we're meeting by going for that drink, we can be like, okay, well, that's actually, you know, not the way I want to go about it.
• 1:02:49
  Tara: I can meet that in different ways, in more filling ways, in ways that actually serve me and what I'm trying to create in my life.
• 1:02:55
  Tara: And I think I was the same when I was drinking, like it was definitely a sabotage, self-sabotage, it was masking a lot for me and maybe that's exactly why, or one of the reasons why I've expanded and evolved so much in the past year, because I did stop drinking and by not masking things anymore, i was able to face them and surrender to them and move through them in a way that served me Yeah.
• 1:03:28
  Rochelle: Yeah, and I was trying to see real quick what your cognition was, just out of curiosity.
• 1:03:35
  Rochelle: Where is it Smell?
• 1:03:39
  Rochelle: Okay, i was wondering if it was feeling.
• 1:03:42
  Rochelle: But no, i feel like like 100% to everything that you just said.
• 1:03:44
  Rochelle: To like it's just, yeah, it's.
• 1:03:47
  Rochelle: I feel so much.
• 1:03:48
  Rochelle: I'm just so much better able to discern the emotions when they're coming up, and maybe that's why it doesn't feel so intense, like, obviously there's so many reasons to it.
• 1:03:55
  Rochelle: But as I'm navigating my day, when I feel like an intense emotion, then I can actually pause and be like huh, is this mine or am I picking this up from somebody else?
• 1:04:02
  Rochelle: Or if my son's throwing a fit in the morning, i'm like, hmm, is this mine Or is this?
• 1:04:07
  Rochelle: like, am I getting it from him?
• 1:04:09
  Rochelle: Or if he sleeps with me at night which doesn't happen often, but sometimes he does And I'm just like too tired at night to like put him back in his room, but like, sometimes I'll wake up.
• 1:04:16
  Rochelle: Often when he sleeps with me, i wake up in a very different mood than I went to bed in, because then I have his energy impacting me Right.
• 1:04:24
  Rochelle: So if he comes in because he's afraid, then I can be like, huh, this emotion now is not mine, right?
• 1:04:28
  Rochelle: So it just gives me like a better ability to discern where it's coming, what it's, because it's spirit speaking through us, right?
• 1:04:35
  Rochelle: I mean, that's where emotional beings, that's what we're here for, instead of always like taking it on.
• 1:04:39
  Rochelle: And it's helped so much with anxiety to know that, like this isn't always mine, right, i can just be out in public and somebody's worried about something and I'm feeling it from them And it's not to say that like I have to take this on as my own.
• 1:04:49
  Rochelle: So just yeah, it's.
• 1:04:52
  Tara: You have way more awareness when you start doing this work of what's yours and what's not.
• 1:04:58
  Rochelle: Yeah, yeah, it's like it's, yeah, it's a relief.
• 1:05:00
  Rochelle: I mean, it's empowering and it's a relief.
• 1:05:03
  Rochelle: But you know, there are still moments where, like you said, and I think what I've realized is that I think what I've realized so much is it's that connection piece.
• 1:05:09
  Rochelle: Like I, i miss the connection that I would get.
• 1:05:13
  Rochelle: And it's like I used to smoke cigarettes, like another lifetime ago.
• 1:05:16
  Rochelle: I quit, like 10 years ago, but it was sort of the same thing, right, when you were out in public and you were a smoker, you would go smoke and all the other smokers would be there and you couldn't help but make friends Right, because it's like you just had what, that one common thing in in or that one thing in common.
• 1:05:30
  Rochelle: And so now it's just, yeah, just redirecting that and finding different places.
• 1:05:35
  Tara: Yeah, absolutely, and I actually speak about, actually speak about that a lot in them.
• 1:05:39
  Tara: I've got a piece on that in my second book.
• 1:05:42
  Tara: In becoming her, it's like understanding self-sabotage and like the needs that you're meeting and ways that you can meet them in other ways.
• 1:05:49
  Tara: Yeah, i'm so excited to release all of this to the world Exactly that Like we.
• 1:05:57
  Tara: Just with that awareness alone we can change so much about our lives.
• 1:06:00
  Rochelle: Yeah, do you have a date for when they're going to be released?
• 1:06:04
  Tara: I do.
• 1:06:05
  Tara: I do have dates.
• 1:06:06
  Tara: I actually haven't officially released them yet, but not actually don't know when this podcast is coming out, but So the first will be launched on the 25th of June, okay, and then the second will be on the 6th of August, so six weeks apart.
• 1:06:24
  Tara: Yeah, both within the next six months.
• 1:06:27
  Tara: I'm super excited.
• 1:06:28
  Tara: Next, yeah, wow, within the next five months.
• 1:06:32
  Rochelle: Yeah, so we'll drop the links for the book, or books depending on when down the show notes, everybody can like grab them, but yeah, i don't know.
• 1:06:43
  Rochelle: Is there anything else that you feel that you want to speak to that we missed, that we didn't cover.
• 1:06:50
  Tara: Nothing is coming to mind.
• 1:06:53
  Tara: I'm sure there's lots that we didn't cover, isn't it always Always?
• 1:06:58
  Rochelle: I know.
• 1:06:59
  Rochelle: Then when we get off, like, oh, i should ask that Yeah.
• 1:07:04
  Tara: No, that was an awesome conversation.
• 1:07:05
  Tara: I love that.
• 1:07:05
  Rochelle: Thank you, of course.
• 1:07:07
  Rochelle: Well, if you just want to let everyone know, i'll link in the show notes.
• 1:07:09
  Rochelle: but if you want to let everyone know where they can find you, how they can work with you, and, yeah, all the information.
• 1:07:15
  Tara: Yeah, the absolute best place to find me is on Instagram.
• 1:07:20
  Tara: So at its Tara Swan.
• 1:07:21
  Tara: All of the links are in my bio there, but my website is good as well.
• 1:07:26
  Tara: So that's Tara Swan dot com, and swans with double N Amazing.
• 1:07:31
  Rochelle: Well, thank you so much for coming on and having this catch up.
• 1:07:33
  Rochelle: It was so nice to hear your story and just hear the massive shifts that have been happening.
• 1:07:38
  Rochelle: And just so many congratulations on the book That is just that's incredible.
• 1:07:42
  Rochelle: Thank you so much, yeah.