Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / The Message Our Boys Desperately Need Right Now

Transcript

The Message Our Boys Desperately Need Right Now · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: It's been a big week talking about the brand new
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: book Boys. You can get it now wherever you buy books.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: I'm so excited about it. It's been on it's been
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: on the Amazon Bestsellers chart. It's been on the chart.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: I'm so pumped because that means that the message is
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: getting out there and it is so badly needed. In
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: today's I'll Do Better Tomorrow episode of the Happy Families podcast,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: I'm going to share with you a couple of messages
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: that have come through to me about why this book
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: is so badly needed. Plus, Kylie, your I'll Do Better
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Tomorrow consists of a surprise visit that made our weekend
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  Speaker 1: and what we can learn from it in terms of
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: take home messages for building happier families. It's next stay
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: with us, Good day, Welcome to Happy Families Podcasts. So
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: good to have you along. This is the podcast where
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: you get real parenting solutions every single day. It's Astray
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: as most download a parenting podcast where Justin and Kylie
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Carson Every Friday. On the pod, we talk about what's
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: gone right, what's gone wrong. We can learn about being
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: better parents so that you can make your family happier
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: by introspecting about our family. Kylie, you're up first today?
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: What does your old do better tomorrow?
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: If you've been listening to us for a while, you
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: would know that Sunday night is a family tradition. We
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: come together for family dinner.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: To highlight every week.
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  Speaker 2: But this week just gone, we were actually invited to
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: go and celebrate with my friend for her birthday. And
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: when I told the kids, they were not impressed.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: But it's a Sunday, you can't do that.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: And no one more than our son in law. It
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: was very, very upset. So without us organizing anything, one
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  Speaker 2: by one, each of the younger children messaged Chanell, our
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: eldest daughter, and said, well, mom and dad aren't here,
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: so can we come to yours for dinner? So I
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: get a message from Chanelle saying, everybody is really upset
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: that you're not here for dinner. So I guess I'm
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: feeding everybody.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Did she ask for money?
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  Speaker 2: No, she did it, not until the end of the night.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: She actually she would.
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  Speaker 2: But after we had spent time with our friends in
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  Speaker 2: the afternoon, it was actually quite an early night, and
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  Speaker 2: I looked at the time as we were driving home, thinking, yes,
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: we're going to have an early night. We'll be able
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: to get into bed before eight o'clock.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: And then it hit me, Sorry, how sad does that sound?
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: We're going to go to bed before a clock?
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  Speaker 2: I know it's pretty bad as well.
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  Speaker 1: We've we've become those people.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: It's been a big weekend. I'd hosted Abby's bridal shower
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: the day before, and I was exhausted. But anyway, I
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: looked at you and I said, should we go surprise
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: the kids? And you looked at me as weary as
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: I felt, and was like, you make the decision. And
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: so I drove us to Chanelle's house and we snuck
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  Speaker 2: in through the front door, and Indy, you should have
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: seen Andy's face. She was so like she was genuinely
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: shocked that we'd walked in the door. And when we
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: went up and grabbed hug from her, it was the
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: kind of bear hug where you think you might just chose.
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  Speaker 1: She gave me about eight hugs.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, yeah, she was so excited. And then, as
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  Speaker 2: is the case every Sunday night, you said, well, it's
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: not Sunday night dinner without a handstand. I did say
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: that our son in law might have cracked the jip
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: rock in the wall, he sing.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: His bomb, he threw himself up against the wall and
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: he kind of just kept going and crashed into the
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: wall and then the jip rock just went. Was great.
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  Speaker 2: So my take home is literally, these traditions actually matter.
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  Speaker 2: And even though things were kind of a little bit
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: disheveled this past weekend, making the effort to show up
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  Speaker 2: just was the highlight of everybody's night.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just as you're saying that, I'm clicking something on
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  Speaker 1: the computer here and opening it up. A couple of
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: years ago, well, yeah, in twenty twenty four, I did
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  Speaker 1: a presentation for an organization. They wanted me to specifically
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: create a presentation about traditions, which I've never done before.
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  Speaker 1: I knew that there's a lot of research there. I
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  Speaker 1: wrote about it in one of my books, but they
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  Speaker 1: wanted me to talk specifically about forming family rituals and traditions.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm just opening the PowerPoint here. I didn't know
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  Speaker 1: that that's where you were going to go with your
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  Speaker 1: take home message. Sorry, quick joke for you. Why don't
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  Speaker 1: skeletons create new traditions? They're dead No, because they don't
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  Speaker 1: have the guts to break the old ones.
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  Speaker 2: It skeletons.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, so I'm going to give you a little bit
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  Speaker 1: of a sort of doctor's desky sort of stuff to
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  Speaker 1: round this out, because that's a really, really beautiful idea.
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  Speaker 1: One person told me that traditions are carrying out the
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  Speaker 1: bizarre wishes of dead people, which I think is a
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  Speaker 1: little bit cynical. A tradition is a custom, belief, or
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  Speaker 1: practice that's passed down from generation to generation within a culture, community,
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  Speaker 1: or family. It often holds symbolic meaning and is maintained
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  Speaker 1: over time to preserve cultural heritage, phosphorus sen of identity,
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  Speaker 1: and promote continuity and stability within the group. Traditions can
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  Speaker 1: encompass a wide range of activities, including ritual celebrations, festivals,
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  Speaker 1: and everyday practices that are consistently repeated. The critical thing here,
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  Speaker 1: when we preserve cultural heritage, foster sense of identity, and
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  Speaker 1: promote continuity and stability, what we're actually doing is we're
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  Speaker 1: building resilience. Traditions are powerful for building resilience. They're powerful
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  Speaker 1: for building relationships. They promote belonging, they create identity, they
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  Speaker 1: teach values. They, as I said before, they celebrate culture,
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  Speaker 1: and they can create that intergenerational connection. I mean, we're
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: showing up and our granddaughter is there. So there's three
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  Speaker 1: generations in the one house around that dining table. They
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  Speaker 1: create the most wonderful, lasting memories. They often solve problems,
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  Speaker 1: and they offer healing, and so I just wanted to
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: jump in there. There's a whole lot more that I
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  Speaker 1: could say about it, but to me, that's the that's
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  Speaker 1: the whole box and dice, and that's why this stuff matters.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: So thank you for sharing your older Better tomorrow. It's
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: a great takeo message. Sorry for taking it over. I
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: couldn't help myself. There's just too much to say.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: Well, after the break, I guess you'll tell us yours.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a really important mine what I've got to
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: share today. So I can't wait to share that with
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: you right after this.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: We're back.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family's podcast, just before I share
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: my Older Better tomorrow, Kylie. One week one week today
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: and our second daughter gets married.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: Have you read in your speech?
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: I have, and I'm crying every time I do a
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: practice run. I've nailed it again. I'm so excited about it.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: Well, I may have read my speech to baby number four.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Right, and I may so when you say, baby number four,
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  Speaker 1: she is eighteen.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: She's eighteen. Yeah, my voice might have faulted just a
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: little bit. And I looked up to her to gain
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: like just a little bit more composure, and she burns
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: into I don't. I honestly, I don't know how either
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: of us are going to make it through. We're We're not.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: And I'm comfortable with that. Okay. So my brand new
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: book Boys came out this week, and my old Bit
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: of Tomorrow is actually built around that. I've had a
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: lot of feedback from a lot of people who are saying,
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: this is such an important message and we've got to
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: stop beating up on boys. But I've also had a
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: lot of people say this is such an important message
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: because boys are falling apart and our society is being
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: crushed by it. And I'm sympathetic to both views. I'm
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: obviously wanting to champion boys. But I want to share
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: with you a text message that I got from somebody
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  Speaker 1: in Southeast Queensland just the other day that really emphasizes
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: why this is so important, and it's really hard to read,
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: and it just it crushed me. This person said, Hi,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: justin I just am so pleased that your book is
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: coming out, but I'm not sure how much of a
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: difference it can make. We're seeing a big increase in sextortion,
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  Speaker 1: with boys trying to get money or other quote unquote
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: services out of girls when they have imagery of them,
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  Speaker 1: especially on the Gold Coast. A very offside group at
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: a major private boys school in Brisbane is unleashing terror
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: on others, including allegedly yelling rape comments at people underage
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  Speaker 1: drinking culture and among with kids there say it was
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  Speaker 1: worse than when they had an older son who was there.
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  Speaker 1: A group of mothers are asking their children not to
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: accept any dates to the form or from any boy
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  Speaker 1: at one of these colleges. Some mothers are actually forbidding it,
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  Speaker 1: which hurts good boys. Private schools are asking boys to
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: leave and saying they can stay in the alumni if
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: they leave, if they're expelled, they can't that the school
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: brand isn't hurt and the kid leaves. And then this
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: one repeated examples of boys in middle school. So we're
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: talking about boys in grades let's say five through eight,
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: five through nine, commenting on girls mothers in terms of
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: dress or where the family live. This one has flawed
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: me what their mother looks like what she wears, how
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: she acts, how she should exercise more, and even what
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: they do with her given the chance. It's the first
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: time I'd heard the word megging. And then fathers are
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: dismissing and it reports about their sons, and I got
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: that text message and I just thought to myself, we
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  Speaker 1: really need, like we really really really really need to
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: get this message of my book into the lives of
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  Speaker 1: every single young man across this country and every father
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  Speaker 1: across this country. That a healthy man helps the people
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  Speaker 1: around him feel safer and stronger, that he shows up
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  Speaker 1: as a giver not a taker, that he shows up
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  Speaker 1: and adds value, that he's a bonus, and that we
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: get out of this puterred. And it's just putrid, this
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: putrid boy psychology. There are so many good boys, but
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: stories like that the negative. We have a negativity bias
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: in our psychology, and the negative overpowers the positive in
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: our lives. The impact of this content, this behavior is
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  Speaker 1: overshadowing all of the good that's out there, all of
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  Speaker 1: the good boys, all of the good men, all of
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  Speaker 1: those who are actually showing up the way they're supposed to.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: And I just I'm like, it's self interested for me
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: to say, go buy my book. I get that, but
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying it because of that, like, go buy
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: my book, get it in the hands of everyone you
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: know who is raising a sun. Right now, I get
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: three bucks per book. Right, It's not gonna make us rich.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: It's not gonna make a mortgage payment for us. The
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: publisher takes ninety percent. I'm not afraid to say that.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: I don't care if the publishers crankkeep me if saying it.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: That's just the way it works. The publisher absolutely screws
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: authors so badly that I don't know if I'm going
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: to write another book. That's not what this is about.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: This is about stopping text messages like that A good
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: made of mind Daniel Principei who shows up in schools
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: and talks about masculinely all over the country. He and
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: I keep on having these same experiences where there's these boys,
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: good boys who have made some terrible mistakes, coming up
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: to us and saying, how do I get this right?
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  Speaker 1: Even the boys that we're talking about in those text messages,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: I really believe that a good percentage of them want
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: to get it right. They just need they need the
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: right models, they need the right road maps, they need
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: the right guides, and my Older Better Tomorrow is just
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: it's literally a plea for people to seriously consider buying
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: not just one, but multiple copies of the book and
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: giving it to everyone who's got a son, because it
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: just breaks my heart, Like I want to weep when
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: I get a text message like that. We've just got
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: so much work to do. Not really a personal story,
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: I guess, which is what we normally do with Older
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Better Tomorrow, but I wanted to. I wanted to share
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: it because I can't get that text message out of
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: my mind. It's really really gotten none of my skin.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: So thank you for listening to my ted talk. And
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: this is the bit where you say, well, I just
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: happened to have a PowerPoint about this, and like I
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: did to you just a minute ago, you're supposed to
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: go through all the points now, right, You're.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: Supposed to No, But I do have a beautiful four
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: page spread out of the Saturday.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, last Saturday. Oh my goodness.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: We're not going to talk about the family photo or
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: the photo of you and I that is like the
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: years and years old.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: About eight years old.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it sets me, but anyway, they didn't ask for
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: new photos.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: It was such a great article, like four or five pages.
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  Speaker 2: So I can only hope that all of the efforts
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: that have been made to share I want to say
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: the good news that boys have so much potential and
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: so much opportunity to make a difference in the world,
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: really gets out there and can make the difference.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, well that's my old about it. Tomorrow we will
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: record a pod for next Friday, but it'll be a
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: short one because we've got a wedding to go to,
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: which I'm very excited about. Please spend that time with
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: your family, create those traditions. That's the big takeout message
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: for today, and grab a copy of Boys. It's available
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: in bookstores, online, audio, ebook, and hard copy wherever you
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: get your books. We know, we know that it will
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: make a difference in the lives not just of your boys,
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: but if your girls as well. Boys Building Strong Young
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Men from the inside Out is available now. The Happy
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: Family's podcast is engineered and audio produced by Justin Raher
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: from Bridge Media. Mimhammon's provides our additional admin support. Have
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: a great weekend and for more info to make your
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: family happier, visit happy families dot com, Doday,