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Digital Desire: Sacred Tool or Energy Drain? · Erotic Spirit Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Intimacy.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: That's another thing.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen people bond over porn.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: It lights up their sex life.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: It helps turn them both on.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's a part of their foreplay, their fun.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I have seen marriages destroyed because of somebody's porn addiction.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: Having it being used to avoid intimacy.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: And it's sad.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: Again, I stand by my belief that if we were more free to be sexually who we are, authentic and who we are, then we would not have the need to hide with porn.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: This podcast discusses sensitive and sexual topics that may be triggering.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: Please understand we are not therapists.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: We are simply sharing from our own journey and experience.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_04: This podcast is sponsored by My Awakening Within.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_04: If you are looking for some sort of practice to drop into your pleasure, to reconnect to your body, to start to build and cultivate safety from within, join me on this online self-guided journey where you will start to learn breathwork techniques, emotional release practices, and start to build this foundation of safety and security from a place of presence.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_04: So join me online, myAwakeningWithin.com or linked in the show notes.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Erotic Spirit Podcast, where spirituality, sexuality, and soul meet.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: My name is Angela Shelby.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm Jenna Lee.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: And along with our own dialogue, we can channel in messages from angels, ascended masters, spirit guides, elementals, and other friends in spirit to talk about subjects like spirituality, sexuality, pleasure, trauma release, and navigating life from a different perspective.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're not familiar with channeling, channeling is allowing higher-dimensional beings to use our voices and bodies to bring through information.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: And today we are talking about the digital age and sexuality.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Particularly porn.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_04: And if you stick around, we we talk about not shaming it, but how we can see the connection or disconnection in our body and minds and our disconnects with relationships too.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it can.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: And the first thing I just want to say, just to even start out this episode, we are not porn shaming.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Porn is fun, porn is entertainment.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's just really important to remember that it's entertainment.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: It can be used as inspiration, but it is not real life.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: These are actors, they are acting, you know.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, they actually put on makeup and all the goods in all the places.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: They put on makeup in all the places, you know, lighting is checked, positions are checked.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's not real life.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I mean, it's like Mission Impossible.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: I can watch Tom Cruise, you know, climb a mountain and jump out of planes, and I don't for a second think that is my real life.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: So exactly.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's important, I think, to think of porn in the same way.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that is not real life.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: Total acting.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: It may watching Tom Cruise climb a mountain may inspire me to like climb a mountain, but you know, I'm not gonna do it dangling out of a helicopter with, you know, my life on the line.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: And no, so I'm not gonna look at porn as going that position with double penetration, with penises that big, that may not work for me.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that is not real life.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: These are professionals, like they do this for a living.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of training and preparation and stuff that goes into that.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's not just like, let's just go do it.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: That sounds like a great idea.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you don't do it off the cuff or on the fly.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like it takes training, time, patience, stretching, all the things.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: All of the things, all the things, all the things that I don't even know.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even know what it takes, but it is right.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_02: It's its own thing.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: So it's its own thing.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: So entertainment.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: And just like any entertainment, you can do too much of it.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_04: And the one thing too, when we were looking at this, the energy of the space in this container and being able to hold a space for all that is welcome to hear from all different per, you know, when people are on different sides of the coin and they're experiencing it, you know, with their partner or themselves.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, I am not, you know, an expert in this area, but there's an energetic component and there's a lot of other things that I think there are so many tools out there.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_04: So if you need help or you feel like you're in a space where it's consuming your life, right?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_04: Get the support that's needed.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_04: I will drop in, you know, in the show notes when we talk about that later.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_04: Just more tools.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, I found Dr.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_04: Trisha Lee, and she was on a podcast I was listening to, and she does studies with all of this.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_04: And it's really interesting to hear the connection between the brain and the body and experience, and actually seeing that she measures what happens with people that are addicted and how their brains look different before and after.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_04: So there's science to it too.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_04: And then, you know, of course, we have an energetic component that we'll talk about and just the experience of all impacts on our life too to just be aware of.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: And like anything.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: It can be used as addiction.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's like anything.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: Anything can be good or bad.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's our intention behind it.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like I always say, a gun can be used to kill your neighbor, or a gun can be used to feed your neighbor.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's porn can be used as entertainment, as fun, as inspiration, or it can be used for avoidance, it can be used for harm.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: It can be used uh as an escape.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I was talking to a counselor about this because uh she was talking about how she worked specifically with people with porn addiction.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, my uh personal mindset that if we, I believe if people were not so sexually repressed, if we could just talk about sex and be free about it and you know, uh run around naked and not have people freak out about, you know, our God-given bodies, um, porn would not be such a big deal because it wouldn't people wouldn't need to use it to escape.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: People wouldn't need to use it to access their sexuality in the dark, away from other people.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the things she said is, I don't think that at all.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: She goes, You don't understand the brain and dopamine.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: So it hits the brain and releases dopamine and that becomes addictive.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and that's very similar to how you want to talk about even other digital consumption.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_04: You talk about how people they're online on social media and they're scrolling, and then two hours later they're like, where did the time go?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_04: It's the dopamine hits that are that's happening in the brain, and just similar in anything else that we do, right?
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_04: When you're doing something like that, and then you try to stop, you you're not getting the dopamine anymore.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_04: So there's actually a brain component to it.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_04: I do believe there is an energetic component in avoidance on why people initially get into that.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_04: There's some sort of vo avoidance and coping space, but then other components come in too, other layers where it's hitting the brain in a different way.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_04: So I think there's a lot of different layers and why people may initially start, and then it's just like any other addiction, right?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like any other addiction.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, again.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: You're saying it can be used to help, it can be used to harm.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: It just depends.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things that I think is one of the harmful aspects is how it makes people view their bodies.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: It can either I have to admit, I have watched porn where I'm like, I will never look like that, especially when I was younger.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: I will never compare to that.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I will never look that way.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: But watching a broad spectrum of porn, I've gone, wow.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, she looks nothing like me.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like, she is not the norm at all.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, you know, in her 50s, in her 60s.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, that's still really hot.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: So it's also, again, the same thing.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's given me a broader perspective of what is possible sometimes, or what inspired me when it comes to thinking of beauty outside of social norms.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I think there's both sides to it.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_04: There's the inspiration, and like, you know, you can get inspired from watching movies and you know, get in that creative flow.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_04: And then there's also there's just like with anything else, there can be the distortions.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_04: Like you said, there am I really gonna be climbing a mountain from a helicopter in the middle of nowhere, saving and rescuing?
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_04: No, right.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_04: So, what distortions are there in this?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_04: It is literally an industry.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_04: It is an industry.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_04: So, what distortions could be in that?
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_04: Of course, you know, performance and how someone's supposed to be and how the intimacy or how the sexual experience may play out or how the woman should sound and you know, all these things.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_04: And is it real life?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_04: Well, it's acting.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_04: It's acting.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, are they really enjoying it?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know who's who's to say, I'm not in their spot, but right, it's there could be a lot of distortions.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_04: So when we get into that space, when we say, okay, are we comparing?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_04: Are we not?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_04: Are we being inspired?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_04: Is there what where's the intention?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_04: And then also, what's realistic?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_04: Do we take that and we say, oh, you know, this sexual experience outside of this is too vanilla because this is what I like?
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_04: But is it what you like?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_04: Or has it just been a program that's been put in?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_04: So I say, let let the distortions unfold and let put it over there in that space.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_04: Experience, have your sexual experiences and figure out what you actually like because what you want, you're being programmed maybe to like something.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's true.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe you do like it, but you don't know.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: What we are exposed to molds our experience.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's like watching movies.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: There are certain movies I will not watch because I don't need that in my brain.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: I don't need those images in my brain.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's deciding what images we want to keep in our brain and what we don't.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Intimacy.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: That's another thing.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen people bond over porn.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: It lights up their sex life.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: It helps turn them both on.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's a part of their foreplay, their fun.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I have seen marriages destroyed because of somebody's porn addiction.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, having it being used to avoid intimacy.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: And it's sad.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: But again, I stand by my my belief that if we were more free to be sexually who we are, authentic and who we are, yes, then we would not have the need to hide with porn.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you are embarrassed and ashamed and humiliated about your sexuality, but it's gotta go somewhere.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like sexual energy doesn't just disappear, it has got to go somewhere.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: Has to.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: And it can come out in your body in disease and in hard ways.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: It can come out through anxiety, it can come out through rage and frustration.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there are young men out there, they call them unsubs who are so disconnected from people and society and sexually frustrated, they're out just killing people.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: They just go out and shoot people.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: And they're, you know, young men and like in there between their late teens and late 20s.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just uh important to remember that.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: And if we were not so closeted and didn't feel the need to express our sexuality by watching porn in the closet, instead of going out and getting a date or going out and saying, Yeah, I really love anal sex, but I would never admit that to anybody, you know, I have to keep it in the closet because we just don't talk about it.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, I love how you're sharing.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_04: This is really big.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_04: This is a part of right, the even before someone may even get that part of addiction where they are using something to avoid something.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_04: So instead of going out to find a date and then potentially getting rejected or sharing something with a current partner that they feel afraid, nervous, shamed about, and then they go and they channel this sexual energy in a different way.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_04: And so I believe that this is also important for the other perspective too, the people that have the partner who uh may have an addiction, or maybe they're just using it to avoid, right?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_04: Because there's a fine line.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_04: There's that piece there.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_04: But when it is to a point where it maybe is addiction or it's close or or it's just using being used to avoid, being that person who is not part of the equation, who is not part of that the experience with porn, there could be a projection of their own insecurities and even shaming the other person.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_04: And that does not help.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_04: If anything, that amplifies more disconnection between.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_04: And so it's really important to see what is it within us that is being triggered, and then also how we can approach that person too with love.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_04: And there's so many different ways that you can go go down it.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_04: But, you know, you have that.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_04: And then of course, I believe that there is there comes a point where we also have to take accountability for our own actions and responsibility for if I need help because I'm addicted and it's been brought to the surface, and I have a supportive partner, but there's also accountability and ownership to go get the help and support.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_04: And the partner that is supporting them or trying to support, I also feel like there's a point in time where you know what you may feel like it's not working out, and it's okay to be sovereign in your own decision and love yourself and fill your cup up.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_04: And that it may even mean separating or whatever that looks like.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_04: But um, I think that's an important piece too.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I agree.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: And to acknowledge, I'm just a little caveat here.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: We all grow and change, and sometimes we grow together and sometimes we grow apart.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just the natural flow of life.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's relationships, period, whether it be friends, even family sometimes, you know, and significant others.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I like how you talked about that it's if you are have an addiction of any kind, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: Porn addiction is nothing to be ashamed of.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, shame, embarrassment, and humiliation are one of the things keeping you pressed down, in the closet, miserable and stuck.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: And instead of having awesome sexual experiences, keeping you from having those experiences because you're getting the dopamine hit and the fake intimacy of watching those acts.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, they're out of touch with real life, so and it doesn't prepare you to have real life.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, real life sex.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's what I'm saying.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: They are not a good primer.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: Porn is not a good primer for real life sex at all.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_04: And there's so much uh I like to share too.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_04: And I know from the listening to one of the podcasts I was listening to, and even just some of the work I do, or even my experience too, when I had a a loved one with addiction, and I sort of learn all these things where there are things called neuroplastic plasticity.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_04: So your brain can rewire and heal.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yep.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_04: And meaning we're creating new experiences that are that are rewiring that nervous system in the brain to something else.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_04: So if the dopamine is connected to uh the addiction, right, we have to create new experiences and new neuropathways.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_04: So that much I do know.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_04: There's so much more in-depth to it.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_04: But I like to share this because it's so important that we're it, there's there's hope.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_04: There's any that brain can change and it's really working and getting support.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_04: And I know I share this before.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_04: There was someone I listened to on a podcast, Dr.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_04: Trisha Lee, and she literally does like she has a program for four months, she says, and she's like with intention.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_04: She measures uh before and after the uh even testosterone level.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_04: She's seen changes in that.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_04: There's all these things that to help support people get out of, specifically porn addiction.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_04: And her results, I've just kind of looked at her stuff and you know, her studies, and there's a there's a lot to it.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_04: So there's no like you're not in a dark space alone, only if you want to stay there, then you are.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_04: But if you want to get help, and then I'll also say getting to the root as well on why there was maybe the initial avoidance is really important too.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_04: And you work between those and you can change your life around.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: I wholeheartedly agree with you.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: And porn addiction, I'm making it sound like people who are sexually oppressed are the the people who are addicted to porn, and it's not.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: I know people who are addicted to a porn that are some of the freakiest fun people I know sexually.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: They're great.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: But again, sex can be used to deepen intimacy or it can be used to avoid life.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: And we've been talking about dopamine a lot, but there's so many other awesome, like happy brain chemicals like oxytocin.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and uh, you know, serotonin, all this, all these wonderful things.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: And we get those from connection with each other, from touch, from touch from other people, yes, um, having those experiences.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: And you're talking about porn creating an area of safety in which there is no risk, there is no rejection.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's no need to change and grow and learn something new and like neuroplasticity to create new pathways in the brain.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: But if we can step away from that addiction and go into connection and create those pathways and get more awesome brain chemicals going, like oxytocin by actually getting out and connecting with people and touching and having these actual intimate experiences.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't care what body type you have, I don't care what your sexual preferences are, there is a fit for freaking everybody.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's just having the courage to go out and find your people and find what works for you and authentically being yourself.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: And if people, if you're authentically yourself, like you've been hiding that you're a freaky motherfucker, and all of a sudden you're like, damn it, I need to, you know, put my freak flag, let it fly and be who I am.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: If people fall away from you because you do that, it's okay.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: Let them fall away.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: And it leaves room for you to go find your real people.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: The people who support you and people who are as freaky as you are.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_04: I look at this as an opportunity into an initiation into some of the shadows that that we've been avoiding.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_04: So I I love to talk about sexuality and our sexual experiences being this deep initiation into things that could have been repressed or suppressed.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_04: And part of this, you were just saying all these beautiful things on there's this opportunity to, you know.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_04: If we're avoiding going out because of rejection, and then we're now consuming having this digital experience that is just in the, you know, in the safety and the comfort of our home where we will not get rejected by like an AI girlfriend, or we're watching this movie or the, you know, the porn on scene, and it's there's no rejection there.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_04: You know, so these are these are the human experiences that we get to say, then what is what shadows within me, what areas within me is afraid of that rejection, is afraid of getting out there and just being me.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_04: What what parts of me being seen were scary?
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_04: And especially when you when we connect to sexuality, a lot of people have different kinds of sexual trauma.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_04: And being seen is deeply connected into sometimes chaos and and trauma.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_04: And so now this is a big part of my sexuality, and I'm, you know, I like these things, and I like to, you know, I'm not for a little bit afraid to share it because then what's gonna happen?
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_04: And is it gonna be chaos like I'm used to?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_04: Is there gonna be a verbal abuse?
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_04: So a lot of times it's not even connected into actual sexual trauma, but it's an experience of visibility and what that means.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: Being seen, you're spot on.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: I my heart, yeah.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: That's close to my heart.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: I've got one of those issues.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's like being seen is it can be very hard, especially authentically for myself.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: And it's one of those things.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: It comes out in pieces and it comes out in strange ways.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: And being our authentic selves, I think is the ultimate spiritual practice.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: It is like the ultimate challenge of life because we change and we grow and our sexuality changes and grows.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: So, and sharing that and being honest with it, especially in a society in which if you talk about sex, then you must be a heathen or you know, a pervert or you know, judged harshly.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: We get judged harshly a lot just because we talk about our sexuality.
• 24:11
  unknown: Yeah.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: If you had one takeaway for people today, what would it be?
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, one takeaway would be well, there's a lot, there's a lot we said.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_04: I I have this space in my heart that's really connected to shame and and if there is someone who is addicted and like what that looks like for both experiences, whether it's themselves and they're with a partner.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_04: And and if you're the partner who is um, if you're the person who is addicted, get help, including sharing with the people that are around you, and then go out there, find the tools.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_04: We weren't born with the tools and how to move past these things.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_04: So it's okay that we don't have the tools to move through it right now, but things can absolutely change.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_04: And then if you're that partner that is trying to support, understand that this has nothing to do with you.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_04: And so that's the shame within us that is like, oh, wait, why are you doing this instead of experiencing this with me?
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_04: So that's a really big part.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_04: And then again, it comes down to being sovereign and in your own space, coming at it with love.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_04: But then at some point you may decide, okay, you know what?
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_04: I I actually can't control their actions.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_04: I need to do what's best for me.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_04: But just knowing there are their options and approaching it different as opposed to what did I do, versus how can I support and be help or receive help myself.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_01: What about you?
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think my one takeaway would be uh love is always the answer.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: Love is always the answer, especially when shame, humiliation, embarrassment are involved.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: Love is the tonic.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_01: Self-love, getting help, it takes such immense courage to go get help, to admit to somebody like your deepest, darkest, most embarrassing stuff.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_01: But that is freedom, man.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like that is where the pay dirt is.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: And this shame, embarrassment, limitation, pain, frustration, all of it breeds in the dark.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_01: And the only way to get rid of it and to change and to become more and stop living in fantasy and bring like our deepest desires into reality is to talk about it and self-love.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_01: Do it with loving kindness to self and others.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: I can guarantee you, from one being one judgmental lady for a long part of my life, and still that demon crops up within me.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: When I judge others harshly, it is because I am judging myself harshly.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: So when I dump self-love on myself, it spreads to the rest of the world.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: It is magic fucking sauce.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_02: So that would be my takeaway today.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_04: I love that.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_04: I love that.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_04: Awesome.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_04: Well, thank you for tuning in today to Rod Expert Podcast.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_04: If you enjoyed what you like, hit that subscribe button.
• 27:29
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• 27:34
  SPEAKER_04: Looking forward to tuning in and talking with you next time.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_04: Bye for now.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: So this awesome podcast is sponsored by Enlightened Energy Works.
• 27:45
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• 27:50
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• 28:05
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• 28:13
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks for hanging with us today.
• 28:15
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