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20 - Wanderlust · Outer Space Adventures in Sci-Fi

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  Speaker 1: Wanderlust by Alan E. Norse. This is a LibriVox recording.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Recording
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: by Justin S. Barrett Wanderlust by Alan E. Norse. Somehow
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: George Barlow had sensed that something was wrong the moment
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: his son drove into the barn yard that evening. He
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: had been waiting impatiently for Tad's return all afternoon. The
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: men needed those tractor bolts before they could do the mowing.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: But George had felt the uneasiness quite suddenly deep in
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  Speaker 1: his chest when he heard the boy's three wheeler chugging
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  Speaker 1: up the rutted country road from town. He sat quietly waiting,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: stroking old Snuffy behind the ears. He heard the little
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: motor car pop into silence as Tad drove it into
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  Speaker 1: the garage. Then there was a long silence. George waited
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: several minutes before running his hand through his tawny hair.
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  Speaker 1: What's that boy doing out there anyway, he growled. Florence
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Barlow glanced up through the kitchen window. He's gone up
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  Speaker 1: on the ridge, she said. He's just standing up there,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: looking down the valley. She turned back to the stove,
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  Speaker 1: pushing back an unruly wisp of graying hair. George sat
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  Speaker 1: back in his chair, puffing his pipe. The uneasiness growing.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Tad was usually back from town hours earlier. The oats
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: had to be cut. This week, the shipment of Venusian
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: taro was due from the next rocket, and they had
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: to have a field free for it. But still, he
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: knew it was more than the tractor bolts that bothered him.
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  Speaker 1: Then suddenly the door burst open, and Tad was there,
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  Speaker 1: filling the room with his broad shoulders, whistling tunelessly to himself.
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  Speaker 1: A cool east breeze followed him in the door, and
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  Speaker 1: with it an aura of excitement. Tad's sun baked hair
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  Speaker 1: was wild from the riot through the wind, his sharp
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: eyes sparkling. Dad. The rocket landed this afternoon out at
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Dylan's landing. It's three weeks early this time. A chill
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: swept up George's spine, tingling his scalp. Then we should
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: get the taro in a couple of days, he said, smoothly.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: We should. Tad's eyes were bright as he patted the
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: dog's head. His whole body seemed alive with excitement. I
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: walked up on the ridge to get a look at it. Dad,
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  Speaker 1: that's a beauty, tall and slim. I should see it
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  Speaker 1: down there. It catches the sunset like you never saw before.
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  Speaker 1: He was still talking as he walked out to the kitchen,
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  Speaker 1: stooping to kiss his mother on the forehead. You ought
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  Speaker 1: to go up and take a look at it, mom,
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  Speaker 1: before the sun's gone. I've got plenty to do without
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: going to gawk at a rocket ship. His mother's voice
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: was sharp. You have too, for that matter, did you
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: get the tractor bolts for your father? The boy frowned
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: suddenly and snapped his fingers. Plum. Forgot that the ship
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: was landing just as I got into town, so I
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: went over to watch it. He took his place opposite
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: his father at the table, his face brightening again. He
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: didn't see the cloud on his father's face. And they
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: let us go inside it to look around. Dad, Oh,
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  Speaker 1: I never saw anything like it. You wouldn't believe that
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  Speaker 1: they could get such a ship off the ground. Why
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  Speaker 1: even I can remember when it was all they could
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  Speaker 1: do to blast off with a little ten man ship,
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  Speaker 1: And now why this one is like a yacht it's
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: the Star King, the newest one in Dylan's fleet. George
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Barlows scowled, the tightness in the pit of his stomach
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  Speaker 1: suddenly making his food tasteless. That's lovely, he said, sourly.
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  Speaker 1: They can build them a mile long for all I care.
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  Speaker 1: They still aren't fit for rats. At least here you
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  Speaker 1: can wash your face if you want to. He turned
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  Speaker 1: back to his plate, hoping the discussion was over. Hoping,
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  Speaker 1: but this one had complete showers, soft lungs, everything, hydroponic
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  Speaker 1: tanks that make the experimental station look like pikers. Eat,
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  Speaker 1: said George. Tad lapsed into silence, the hearty silence of
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  Speaker 1: a hungry nineteen year old before a full dinner plate.
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  Speaker 1: His father took another mouthful and put down his fork,
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  Speaker 1: his appetite gone. He could feel the tension growing, the
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: tightness of his breathing. He sensed his wife's apprehension as
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  Speaker 1: she too slowed and stopped eating, as if she too
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  Speaker 1: were waiting. Saw Lynn Cooper when he came off the
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  Speaker 1: ship too, Dad, Do you remember Len? This was his
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: first cruise. Tad's eyes sparkled. He says, there's nothing like it.
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  Speaker 1: That rocket life. They stopped on Venus, you know, and
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: then did a reconnaissance in toward the Mercury Or. But
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  Speaker 1: before they came back almost five years away from Earth.
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  Speaker 1: They've got a stack of reports as big as an
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  Speaker 1: almonat for printing. And then you know how scrawny he was.
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  Speaker 1: He's put on muscle, now looks great. Tad put down
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  Speaker 1: his fork, a subtle change in his voice, his hands trembling.
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  Speaker 1: We had a long talk, Dad, Len, says Len Cooper's
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  Speaker 1: a fool. George Barlow's voice snapped irritably. He hasn't got
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: all his marbles a kid like that, All the potential
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  Speaker 1: in the world, brains opportunity, and what does he do
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  Speaker 1: with it? Shoots it in a rocket's first cruise. Huh,
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  Speaker 1: It isn't his last by a long shot. Those rocket
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  Speaker 1: boys aren't stupid. They know it takes a good cruise
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  Speaker 1: to teach a youngster's way around out there. He can't
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  Speaker 1: begin to work for his wages until the second cruise
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: or the third, and then it's too late to come back.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Tad fiddling with his fork, his eyes down. The room
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  Speaker 1: was silent. Even Florence sat tense, startled by the outburst.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: George sat glumly. That was stupid, he thought, inexcusably stupid.
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  Speaker 1: You'll have to face it someday, you know that now, maybe, oh, Laura,
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  Speaker 1: not now, maybe tomorrow? But what could you say? What
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: if it is now? His hand trembled as he fumbled
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  Speaker 1: awkwardly for his pipe. Where were the words, the phrases,
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: the arguments, so long werehearsed, so sensible, so fatherly? Dad?
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  Speaker 1: His fingers were like ice on the pipe bowl. Not
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: tomorrow then, now, Dad, Yes, Tad. The boy looked straight
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: at his father, his voice very low. I'm going, dad,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: he said, I'm going with it. The chill widened in
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  Speaker 1: George Barlow's stomach, spreading into his legs and chest. He
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: heard his wife's startled gasp, and the chill deepened. He
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: searched for words, and no words came. How long now
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: had he prepared, rehearsed, and now nothing? He just sat
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  Speaker 1: there and the dead still room. Well I never heard
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: anything more ridiculous in all my life, Florence burst out. Finally,
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  Speaker 1: you're crazy, Tad, plumb crazy. Do you mean to sit
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  Speaker 1: there and say that you're going to give up college,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: throw away this farm? She set the cream pitcher down
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  Speaker 1: with a thump. It's out of the question. You just
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: can't mean it. Tad wriggled uneasily. I do mean it, mom.
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  Speaker 1: The star King is sending up crew tomorrow. They have
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: places for four novices. This time they'll take me. I
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  Speaker 1: know thee will I asked this afternoon. I want to go.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: George Barlow gripped the edge of the table, fighting for control.
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  Speaker 1: Don't be silly, boy, he said, finally, his voice tied.
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  Speaker 1: You're no rocket man. You don't know what you're saying.
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  Speaker 1: His hands trembled. Space is no place for a fellow
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  Speaker 1: like you. You belong here, studying, working, not hopping around space
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  Speaker 1: like a common tramp. Tobacco into his pipe bowl with
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: an air of finality. Every boy nowadays thinks about going
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  Speaker 1: to space. I know the fleets are growing larger, taking
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: more and more boys, but the smart ones stay home.
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  Speaker 1: Tad's voice was low and quiet, more deadly firm than
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  Speaker 1: George had ever heard it. You don't understand, dad, I
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: know you don't like it. I know you think it's
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  Speaker 1: foolish not to finish college. You hate to see me
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  Speaker 1: leave home, But you don't understand. He looked up, his
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  Speaker 1: boyish face pale under deep summer. Tan. I can't explain it, Dad.
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  Speaker 1: Ever since I was little, since I saw my first
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  Speaker 1: rocket shooting up into the sky towards the stars, I
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  Speaker 1: knew I had to go too sometime. He shook his
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  Speaker 1: head helplessly. It's what I've wanted all my life, Dad,
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  Speaker 1: I've got to go. But the farm, Son, Florence was
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  Speaker 1: almost in tears. Doesn't that mean anything to you? Your
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  Speaker 1: family's been here for one hundred years, Tad, It's yours
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  Speaker 1: as soon as you're ready to farm it. Don't you
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  Speaker 1: care about it after all these years? You know I care, Mom.
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  Speaker 1: The boy avoided her tearful eyes, ran a hand through
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  Speaker 1: his hair. You know why. I like the place, and
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  Speaker 1: I feel awful running out after all the work you
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  Speaker 1: and Dad and the men have put in building it up.
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  Speaker 1: But I couldn't make a go of it. I don't
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  Speaker 1: want to be earth bound, tied down to a piece
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  Speaker 1: of land all my life. His mother's face was suddenly very,
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  Speaker 1: very tired. Oh you fool, she said, her voice bitter.
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  Speaker 1: You don't know how you long for green grass. Again,
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  Speaker 1: her face flared red in anger. You've barely started to shave,
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  Speaker 1: and you want to go to space. Well, it's nonsense.
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  Speaker 1: You can't do it. That's final. Tell him, George, tell
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  Speaker 1: him why he can't go, Tell him why, Florence. She
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: stopped short, eyes wide, George, I'm sorry, his voice sharp, urgent.
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  Speaker 1: I think maybe Tad and I ought to talk this
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  Speaker 1: out ourselves. I'm sorry, George. Florence Barlow rose silently. She
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  Speaker 1: began clearing the table, her eyes brimming. Tad's face was troubled.
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  Speaker 1: I wish it wouldn't make a fuss, Dad, I suppose
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  Speaker 1: it's a surprise to you both, George smiled sourly, hardly.
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  Speaker 1: We've been around a while, Tad. We saw Lynn Cooper
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  Speaker 1: go and a half dozen like him. We knew you'd
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  Speaker 1: get the bug sooner or later. But you've got to
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  Speaker 1: understand why we can't allow it. The room was silent,
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  Speaker 1: except for the faint rustling of the breeze through the curtains.
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  Speaker 1: You don't know what you're walking into, Tad, None of
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  Speaker 1: you boys really know. You only see one side of
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  Speaker 1: the picture, the excitement and adventure. I know it's a
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  Speaker 1: thrilling picture, but the thrill wears off, and then you
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  Speaker 1: have the long, dull days of waiting sitting, always waiting,
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: with nothing to see but the bulkhead and a dozen
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  Speaker 1: men cramped into impossible tight quarters without any room to
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  Speaker 1: move around. You don't know how you'd get to hate
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: those men, how you'd wish you could be alone for
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: just a little while, how you'd long for privacy. And
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: you don't realize the danger, not the exciting, bravadal kind
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: of danger that you read about, but the live, horrible
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  Speaker 1: danger of depending for your life on a little sliver
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: of metal. So many things can go wrong, and any
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  Speaker 1: one of them means you're through. Not a brave death, son,
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  Speaker 1: nor a heroic death, just a very lonely death where
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: you freeze and starve and feel the life choke out
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  Speaker 1: of you. There are so many ways to die in space,
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  Speaker 1: such horrible ways, so easily, and there isn't any reward
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  Speaker 1: worth the risk. It's all risk, and you have nothing
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  Speaker 1: for it. A few days of glory when you're back home,
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  Speaker 1: and then you're off again. Once you go, you're gone.
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  Speaker 1: You'll never come back. Only the lucky ones come back.
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  Speaker 1: You'll be in space till it kills you. But the colonies,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: dad Mars, Mountain players, fall, the Ironstone, they're all going concerns.
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  Speaker 1: They need men, lots of men with ideas, men who
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: aren't afraid of work. The colonies. George Barlow's voice rose angrily,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: his control wearing thin. Why the colonies? What glory can
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: you see in working a lifetime to squeeze a living
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: out of Mars rock, scraping and fighting, squeezing every last
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: drop of water, every possible inch of top soils, to
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: dig up enough to keep barely alive, and then dying
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  Speaker 1: thirty years before your time? What can you see in
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: that or venus where you sweat and waste away until
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: the fungus gets into your lungs and blood and you
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: finally just go to sleep forever. You're crazy, Tad, you
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: can't do it. Tad shuffled his feet, his eyes downcast.
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  Speaker 1: I knew you wouldn't understand. I can't explain it, Dad,
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  Speaker 1: I don't know the words, but I've got to go
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  Speaker 1: even if you don't. George's face flushed in exasperation. Now look,
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: just listen a minute. I understand perfectly. I just you
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: don't understand. The boy's eyes blazed in sudden anger. His
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: voice was bitter. How could you understand? You've been nothing
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: but a slogging dirt farmer all your life. How could
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: you understand why I'd want to go to the stars.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: What do you know about Mars or Venus? You've never
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: been there. George Barlow sat stiff, as though he had
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: been struck. The room was tense, and he heard the
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: boy breathing across the room. Then you give me no choice,
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: he said finally, his voice suddenly tired and bare the audible.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: I'm your father. I forbid you to go. There was
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: a long, silent moment. Then I'm sorry, Dad, I'm going anyway.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: George Barlow lay in bed, breathing quietly. The room was close,
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: the air stuffy and humid. He heard his wife's steady breathing,
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: peaceful now after sobbing herself to sleep, and somehow deep
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: within him, he seemed to hear the steady pum pum
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: pum of space ship engines, deep throaty, thrilling, throbbing, vibrating calling.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: He rose quietly and walked to the window. He heard
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Snuffy stir herself, her claws scrabbling on the bare farm
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: house floor, and felt her warm muzzle, firm and comforting
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: in his hand. Then he heard nothing but the buzzing
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: of cicadas, the quiet night sounds of the farm, smelled
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: the cool, hearty odor of hay, and clover heard the occasional,
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: uneasy stomping of cattle in the barn, And still deep
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: in his mind, he heard older sounds, more familiar sounds,
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: sounds tinged with fear, horror, hate, desperation. He shook his head,
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: trying to forget. But there was excitement there too, that intangible,
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: overpowering thrill of the wanderlust. Memories flooded back into his mind,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: memories he had thought long ago blotted out and forgotten,
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: the rich thrill of excitement. As the last seconds crowded
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: in close, with the strap cutting a deep welt across
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: his chest, the muffled roar, the powerful sledge hammer blow,
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: driving his stomach and legs down like lead, then easing,
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: easing gently into no pressure, then less than no pressure.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: The exhilarating, wonder filled vision of the earth rushing away,
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: dwindling into a modeled patchwork, still dwindling. Oh, he understood
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: all right. He knew what tugged at his son's heels.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: He knew the consuming thrill, the insatiable hunger to reach
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: higher and higher, to seek out unknown places. He knew
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: the wonder of stepping on another land, an alien land,
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: the thrill of watching two moons creep softly over a
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: reddish horizon. He knew the deep, rich thrill of pushing
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: the frontier outward until the sun winked coldly like another star.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: Memories flooded his mind, and he remembered too well, the
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: insistent tug of the wanderlust at his heels, the call
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: of the open road, the call of space. And he
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: knew that try as he would, no earth bound answer
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: would ever drive it away. Yes, he understood, but deep
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: in his heart he felt the coldness, the pain, and agony,
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: the sense of bitter loss. He was one of the lucky.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: He had come back. Tad would never come back. The
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: odds were too great. There were too few of the lucky,
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: and it was better not to be one of the lucky,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: better to die out there, forgotten, unmourned. Maybe he should
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: have told the boy while he was young, tried to
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: teach him, to make him understand. Perhaps he'd been wrong
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: to conceal in all these years, to lie to Tad,
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: to make Florence conceal too. Perhaps Tad should have been told.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: But even knowing that someday the wander lust would come,
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: he knew he couldn't have told him. Better to conceal,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: to wait for the contempt, wait to hear the words, short,
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: bitter words. How could you ever understand? You've never been there?
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: George felt the perspiration trickle down his neck. How could
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: he explain the things he hardly dared think about himself,
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: fear the bitterness, the horror. Tad would be sleeping now,
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: peacefully in his room, his bag half packed on the dresser,
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: dreaming dreams of wonder in his sleep, and never dreaming
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: for an instant of the terror, the pain, never knowing
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: how hard a taskmaster the wanderlust could be, what terrible
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: fees it could exact. He knew he couldn't find it.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: He had known since Tad was born that it would
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: be useless, for the young saw only what they wanted
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: to see. And suddenly George was fumbling in his dresser drawer,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: frantically searching for the small oblong box, rushing before he
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: changed his mind. His hands closed on the small container,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: and its contents were cold between his fingers, and then
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: he was in Tad's room, quietly seeking the bag, half packed,
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: a few meager clothes, a few meager memories, to go
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: away with a hopeful heart. He fumbled in the bag,
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: and suddenly the memories closed in on George Barlow, and
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: he was living again. The horrible moments, the rumbling, jolting
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: thunder in the bowels of the ship, the frantic scrambling
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: down the dark passageways, the men fear crazed and tumbling
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: over each other in freefall, The gleaming white hot of
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: the atomic fires gone wild, the screams of agony, the crashing,
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: fiery groping through oven like chambers, the twisting wrenching of controls,
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: fighting to stay alive, fighting in blazing agony, fire burning
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: to the bottom of his soul. The little metal disc
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: slipped into the boy's bag, down between a pair of
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: pants and a book, A thin metal disc of pure gold,
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: a simple symbol with simple words to George L. Barlow
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: for heroism in space. He dropped the disk into the
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: boy's bag and stumbled back to his room. He sat
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: in the sun islands, stroking old Snuffy's soft muzzle, sat
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: in darkness eternal since that hour of terror, as tears
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: streamed down scarred cheeks from his sightless eyes. End of
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: Wanderlust by Alan E. Norris