Latest / Disciple Radio / Ed Stetzer Live - Asking Better Questions that can Improve Your Relationships

Transcript

Ed Stetzer Live - Asking Better Questions that can Improve Your Relationships · Disciple Radio

• 0:07
  S1: Well, this is Ed Stetzer live and this in every
• 0:10
  S1: Saturday at this time, we come to you with hopefully
• 0:12
  S1: helpful conversations about church and culture and how do we
• 0:16
  S1: live in the moment that the Lord has placed us?
• 0:19
  S1: I'm Ed Stetzer, I'm the dean of the Talbot School
• 0:21
  S1: of Theology at Biola University. That's my day job. But
• 0:24
  S1: I get to do this every Saturday with you live.
• 0:27
  S1: It's called Ed Stetzer Live. Not the most creative name,
• 0:30
  S1: but it is Ed Stetzer live. So I'm live, but I.
• 0:33
  S1: As you've heard, I often travel. And so I am
• 0:36
  S1: actually here in where am I? I am in where
• 0:39
  S1: am I, where am I, Mitch? Hold the hold the
• 0:41
  S1: microphone up. Hold the microphone up. I'm in Fairfield, Connecticut,
• 0:44
  S1: where we're at BlackRock church and I'm at a conference.
• 0:48
  S1: And with the it's called Converge Northeast. It's called the conference.
• 0:52
  S1: I just spoke this morning and I said, I want
• 0:53
  S1: to do the show live here. And they said, we're
• 0:55
  S1: going to do it, uh, as, as well. So, so,
• 0:57
  S1: but we have a special guest here in just a
• 0:59
  S1: few minutes. We're going to have our, our our guests
• 1:01
  S1: for the rest of the show. But a friend to
• 1:04
  S1: Moody Radio, a friend, I mean, like you and Michael
• 1:07
  S1: were like, how far back do you go?
• 1:09
  S2: When he was 16 years old, you.
• 1:11
  S1: Were 16 years old.
• 1:12
  S2: And I was only 12 and.
• 1:13
  S1: You were only 12. That's funny. So because you're like,
• 1:15
  S1: Michael is, um, you know, he's on before me on
• 1:18
  S1: most not all stations, not we don't overlap completely, but
• 1:20
  S1: on most moody radio stations.
• 1:22
  S2: Michael came to faith through chosen People ministry. That's amazing.
• 1:25
  S2: And so we've been friends for forever.
• 1:28
  S1: That's amazing, I love that. So if you love you,
• 1:31
  S1: love you love Mitch Glazer, uh, you lead Chosen People Ministries. Uh,
• 1:35
  S1: and also we're here because we had, uh, what are we?
• 1:38
  S1: We had a Shabbat.
• 1:39
  S2: We had a Shabbat dinner last night. Charles L Feinberg students. Yep.
• 1:43
  S2: Which is an extension of Talbot Talbot School of Theology.
• 1:46
  S1: That's right, that's right. It's our Talbot Seminary campus in
• 1:49
  S1: New York City, and it's focused on messianic ministry.
• 1:53
  S2: We're training missionaries to the Jews and messianic pastors. Yeah.
• 1:57
  S2: To serve the Messianic Jewish community and to win and
• 1:59
  S2: disciple Jewish people.
• 2:00
  S1: Why do we do such things? Because, I mean, Jewish
• 2:03
  S1: people have had the opportunity to respond. I don't know
• 2:05
  S1: that anyone who's Jewish might be some somewhere, someone who's Jewish,
• 2:08
  S1: who doesn't know that Christians would like them to become Christians.
• 2:11
  S1: So why do we keep doing this?
• 2:14
  S2: Well, number one, because we're commanded. Yeah. I mean, so
• 2:16
  S2: in Matthew 2819 and 20, there's a great commission that
• 2:20
  S2: says we're to go into all the world and make disciples.
• 2:23
  S2: So we have to reach Jewish people whether we want
• 2:26
  S2: to or not, and whether they want us to or not.
• 2:29
  S2: Romans 116, of course, is an interesting passage debated, but
• 2:35
  S2: it's I'm not ashamed of the gospel, for it's the
• 2:37
  S2: power of God unto salvation to all who believe, to
• 2:40
  S2: the Jew first, and also to the Gentiles. So there's
• 2:44
  S2: a lot of debate over what it means to the
• 2:46
  S2: Jew first. My my comment would be, okay, if you
• 2:50
  S2: don't think it's to the Jew first, how about to
• 2:52
  S2: the Jew at least?
• 2:53
  S1: Okay.
• 2:53
  S2: And so Jewish evangelism should be part of every local church,
• 2:58
  S2: missionary and ministry program. And there are a few other passages.
• 3:03
  S2: And the example of Paul. Think about what Paul did
• 3:06
  S2: everywhere he went. He was the apostle. He was the
• 3:08
  S2: Jewish apostle to the Gentiles. And everywhere he went, he
• 3:11
  S2: started in the synagogue.
• 3:13
  S1: Yeah.
• 3:13
  S2: And he didn't just do that because there were Gentile
• 3:15
  S2: proselytes and God fearers in the synagogue, and he wanted
• 3:19
  S2: to leverage those relationships to reach other Gentiles. He did
• 3:23
  S2: it because he wrote Romans 116. There is something in
• 3:26
  S2: Scripture about this priority, not because Jewish people are better,
• 3:30
  S2: not because Jewish people need it more, but because of
• 3:33
  S2: the position that God has given to the Jewish people
• 3:36
  S2: within his plan. And that's what should motivate us to
• 3:40
  S2: reach Jewish people, especially while we're reaching the whole world.
• 3:43
  S1: I wish you were passionate about this. I did sort
• 3:45
  S1: of like it was kind of a softball. I threw
• 3:46
  S1: it to you and say, tell us why it's important
• 3:48
  S1: to do this, to do this thing. Would you say
• 3:51
  S1: that like when you talk about reaching Jewish, by the way, Michael,
• 3:53
  S1: I wanted to say hello. So he just put it
• 3:55
  S1: they just put in the chat that he wanted to
• 3:56
  S1: say hello to you. So hello from Michael. He can hear.
• 3:59
  S2: You. Nice to hear you, Michael. But you know, you've
• 4:01
  S2: got your show this morning, so pay attention.
• 4:03
  S1: Yeah.
• 4:04
  S2: We're advertising your show.
• 4:06
  S1: That is true.
• 4:07
  S2: Maybe we'll advertise Ed's show. I don't know. It depends
• 4:09
  S2: on on how he treats us.
• 4:11
  S1: Well, I got to tell you, when I listen to
• 4:12
  S1: Michael show, I'm intimidated because, like, he they call up
• 4:16
  S1: and say, listen, there's this one passage about this. They're
• 4:19
  S1: having this fire.
• 4:20
  S2: He's got it memorized.
• 4:20
  S1: He's got the whole thing memorized. So he's pretty. He
• 4:22
  S1: is pretty amazing. So we're very thankful for him as well.
• 4:25
  S1: He's going to call you, by the way. He says, uh, okay. So, um,
• 4:28
  S1: so right now we see a real rise in anti-Semitism
• 4:33
  S1: around the world again. And we've, you know, I've spoken
• 4:36
  S1: about it. I've written on the subject. You held a
• 4:38
  S1: summit on this as well. I was just at Moody
• 4:41
  S1: Bible Institute four days ago for the inauguration of the
• 4:43
  S1: new president. Uh, last no more than that seven days ago.
• 4:46
  S1: And there was stuff about the anti-Semitism thing coming up.
• 4:49
  S1: So tell us about that.
• 4:50
  S2: So we're sponsoring that conference along with some other, uh, people.
• 4:54
  S2: And we did the first one, I think three years ago.
• 4:57
  S2: This will be the third one. And we just applaud
• 5:00
  S2: Moody for the willingness to make a stand as an
• 5:03
  S2: evangelical Christian organization against the blight of anti-Semitism, for sure.
• 5:08
  S2: And we're grateful for Michael's leadership and for the past
• 5:11
  S2: leadership of Mark Jobe. And and I'm assuming that the
• 5:14
  S2: new president is going to be on the same page.
• 5:16
  S1: He's a great guy. I'm sure he will be.
• 5:18
  S2: That's what I hear. Yeah. And I know that, uh,
• 5:21
  S2: that he, he loves Israel and cares about the Jewish people.
• 5:24
  S2: So we look, we have to think about the origins
• 5:28
  S2: of anti-Semitism. I mean, you you could say a lot
• 5:31
  S2: of different things, but as you trace anti-Semitism through Scripture,
• 5:36
  S2: we recognize that anti-Semitism is Satan's effort to destroy the
• 5:40
  S2: Jewish people. Why does why destroy the Jewish people? Well,
• 5:45
  S2: if he would have gotten rid of the Jewish people
• 5:47
  S2: and he tried through various Gentile nations, then Jesus wouldn't
• 5:51
  S2: have been born. He wouldn't have had a Jewish mother
• 5:54
  S2: or a Jewish father if we destroy the Jewish people.
• 5:57
  S2: But he lost that battle. If we destroy the Jewish
• 5:59
  S2: people now, then we destroy Matthew 23, verses 37 through 39.
• 6:06
  S2: And in that day, the Jewish people will believe in Jesus.
• 6:10
  S2: He says, you will not see me until you say
• 6:13
  S2: Baruch Hashem, but Baruch Hashem, ABBA Baruch Hashem, Adonai. And
• 6:20
  S2: you're making me nervous.
• 6:21
  S1: I know, but and you're actually looking. Some of your
• 6:22
  S1: friends are looking at you and saying, hold that up there.
• 6:25
  S1: My team wants you to hold that right against your
• 6:26
  S1: chin there.
• 6:26
  S2: So with this Hebrew, so blessed is he who comes
• 6:29
  S2: in the name of the Lord. The Jewish people will
• 6:31
  S2: turn to Jesus before Jesus returns. In fact, Jesus will
• 6:36
  S2: return when the Jewish people cry out to Jesus. So
• 6:39
  S2: if you want to see Jesus, get with it.
• 6:43
  S1: Okay, that's it's subtle. You're subtle, man. You're subtle man. Okay, so, um,
• 6:46
  S1: so when you see the rise of anti-Semitism, um, it seems,
• 6:51
  S1: I mean, there's not been a time for the history
• 6:53
  S1: of Jews, that there hasn't been anti-Semitism, but it does
• 6:56
  S1: seem to ebb and flow. And it seems that on
• 6:59
  S1: the right there's now a growing anti-Semitism on the left.
• 7:03
  S1: There's there's a maybe it's growing again, it's almost. Sometimes
• 7:06
  S1: people talk about the horseshoe effect where like right and
• 7:08
  S1: left sort of come together and it looks a lot alike.
• 7:11
  S2: So we're honored that it comes together.
• 7:13
  S1: I know around around anti against the Jews. So so
• 7:16
  S1: talk to me about how you think you um how
• 7:20
  S1: you think Christians like regular Christians listening. You know moody
• 7:23
  S1: radio audience. What can they do?
• 7:27
  S2: First of all, just a little bit of analysis. I
• 7:29
  S2: think that you're right. It ebbs and flows and there's
• 7:33
  S2: different reasons during different days, uh, as to why there
• 7:38
  S2: is anti-Semitism. And there are quite a few anti-Semitic tropes.
• 7:42
  S2: The Jews have all the money, the Jews control Hollywood. And,
• 7:45
  S2: you know, and just there was a time in the
• 7:48
  S2: 1800s where the Jewish people were viewed as morally corrupt, maybe.
• 7:53
  S2: And before. And because of that, we should. That was
• 7:56
  S2: a motivation to send missionaries to the Jews. Yeah, because
• 7:59
  S2: you didn't want the Jewish people corrupting Western society today.
• 8:04
  S2: And all of this is false. One of the real
• 8:06
  S2: problems today has to do with Israel. And so some
• 8:11
  S2: people are very anti-Israel and they're anti-Israel for reasons. On
• 8:15
  S2: the right and on the left. Netanyahu's behavior, the policies
• 8:20
  S2: of Israel, the conflict with Palestinians and with Hamas and
• 8:25
  S2: so on. And there are sympathizers on both sides. And
• 8:29
  S2: so I don't see a moral equality to all of this.
• 8:33
  S2: I think October 7th was really horrific act. And after
• 8:39
  S2: October 7th, there seemed to be a rise in anti-Semitism,
• 8:43
  S2: both on the left and on the right. Yeah. You
• 8:45
  S2: explained that to me because I don't understand how that
• 8:50
  S2: can happen. I've been to Israel. I've seen the, uh,
• 8:55
  S2: the Nova Music Festival. Yeah. All you have to do
• 8:58
  S2: is go see that and you'll know how terrible it is.
• 9:01
  S2: But I think that Christians can stand up and say something.
• 9:04
  S2: They can, uh, certainly pray and pray for the peace
• 9:09
  S2: of Jerusalem. Psalm 122 six. It's something that we can
• 9:12
  S2: all do.
• 9:13
  S1: Okay. So talk to us too about like, I mean,
• 9:15
  S1: you have a part for passion for reaching the Jewish people,
• 9:18
  S1: for the gospel. So how can and again, we encourage
• 9:21
  S1: you to really keep that mic right up there because
• 9:22
  S1: by the way, just so those are listening, it's a
• 9:24
  S1: louder background because we're actually in the middle of a
• 9:27
  S1: of a conference and we're kind of in the cafe
• 9:30
  S1: of that conference. So say, hey, we got a live
• 9:32
  S1: studio audience. Hi, live studio audience out there. So, um, so,
• 9:36
  S1: all right, so, so how can I as a Christian,
• 9:39
  S1: you know, I don't, I actually have, I think, I,
• 9:41
  S1: I think I told you this last night, I'm 1/14
• 9:44
  S1: Ashkenazi Jew, uh, which is not a lot, but my
• 9:47
  S1: mother was one seventh. So that makes me one.
• 9:48
  S2: 14 means you only get a quarter bagel when you eat.
• 9:50
  S1: Is that what? Okay. That's helpful. That's helpful. Um, so
• 9:53
  S1: how can they build relationships with their Jewish coworkers, friends,
• 9:57
  S1: and neighbors?
• 9:58
  S2: Uh, one of my good friends who's on our staff,
• 10:01
  S2: Jewish guy, of course, says Christians have to understand that
• 10:05
  S2: Jewish people are just people. And I think we have
• 10:09
  S2: to start with people and then go with Jewish.
• 10:11
  S1: Yeah.
• 10:12
  S2: And so we need to make friends. And Jewish people
• 10:15
  S2: make good friends. And if you have a Jewish person,
• 10:18
  S2: invite them into your life, invite them into your home,
• 10:21
  S2: invite them into your social networks. Don't stand apart from
• 10:25
  S2: the Jewish people. Maybe you'll feel a Jewish person doesn't
• 10:28
  S2: want to get to know you. Well, you should give
• 10:29
  S2: them a chance. But. So Jewish people actually make good
• 10:32
  S2: and loyal friends. And so I think friendship is the
• 10:35
  S2: beginning of all of it. Uh, there are ways to
• 10:39
  S2: speak about, uh, Jesus to Jewish people. You can go
• 10:42
  S2: to the Chosen People Ministries website. Chosen people.com. And it
• 10:46
  S2: will help give you a lot of tips on how
• 10:49
  S2: to share the gospel with Jewish people without, so to speak,
• 10:52
  S2: saying something that someone might find particularly offensive. There are
• 10:56
  S2: certain words maybe you shouldn't use, and you definitely shouldn't
• 10:59
  S2: be pushy, but if you build a bridge of friendship,
• 11:03
  S2: then you can cross that bridge with the gospel.
• 11:06
  S1: Love it. Mitch, I know I kind of pulled you
• 11:08
  S1: in and said, let's do this. Matter of fact, I
• 11:10
  S1: spent the night at your house and we had a
• 11:11
  S1: wonderful time visiting. We had our Shabbat dinner last night
• 11:14
  S1: and we're so thankful for the partnership we have with
• 11:16
  S1: Chosen People Ministries. What's the website and what would you
• 11:19
  S1: give one word of exhortation for people to engage as well.
• 11:21
  S2: So it's chosen people.com and I would encourage two things.
• 11:26
  S2: Number one, take a trip to Israel.
• 11:28
  S1: There you go.
• 11:29
  S2: Can that trip to Italy okay. Israel is a pilgrimage.
• 11:34
  S2: So take a trip to Israel and I think it
• 11:36
  S2: will change your life. And then secondly, um, pray for
• 11:42
  S2: Chosen People Ministries, chosen people.com. Uh, we need your prayers.
• 11:46
  S2: We're in 22 countries all over the United States, reaching
• 11:50
  S2: Jewish people with the good news of Jesus, the Messiah.
• 11:53
  S2: We need you, and you need us. And all I
• 11:56
  S2: can say is, behold, how good and pleasant it is
• 11:58
  S2: for brethren to dwell together in unity. And so we
• 12:01
  S2: love Moody radio, and we are one of his greatest fans.
• 12:06
  S1: Oh, you're very kind, Mitch. Mitch, we appreciate you coming on. And, uh,
• 12:10
  S1: and thank you so much. And thank you for our
• 12:11
  S1: listeners too. We're going to continue our conversation in just
• 12:14
  S1: a moment. Want you to stay with us. J.R. Briggs
• 12:16
  S1: is going to be the guest for the rest of
• 12:17
  S1: the show today. We're going to be talking about his book,
• 12:20
  S1: the Art of Asking Better Questions, pursuing stronger relationships, healthier leadership,
• 12:24
  S1: and Deeper faith. Uh, you can always go to chosen people.com,
• 12:27
  S1: find out more about what the good work that Mitch
• 12:29
  S1: does as well. And of course, if you listen to
• 12:31
  S1: my radio show, you've heard Mitch a few times as well.
• 12:34
  S1: Thanks for listening. Stay with us. We'll continue our conversation
• 12:36
  S1: in just a minute. All right, we're back. Second segment here.
• 12:49
  S1: Ed Stetzer live live from Fairfield, Connecticut at BlackRock Church.
• 12:54
  S1: Thanks to the team at BlackRock Church, the folks at
• 12:56
  S1: the advance conference, J.R. Briggs and I are both here together.
• 12:59
  S1: We were actually speaking together earlier this week in Chicago,
• 13:03
  S1: and I said, because we've been trying to get him
• 13:04
  S1: on the radio show, he's kind of a big deal.
• 13:06
  S1: He has many leather bound books. His office smells of
• 13:08
  S1: rich mahogany. Okay, that's not true, but it's a little
• 13:10
  S1: cultural reference there for you. Uh, but he's written a
• 13:13
  S1: book that we wanted to have on the show to
• 13:14
  S1: talk about, and it's called the Art of asking better questions,
• 13:18
  S1: pursuing stronger relationships, healthier leadership, and deeper faith. And I
• 13:22
  S1: love that as well. Now, J.R., doctor J.R. Briggs started
• 13:25
  S1: Kairos Partnerships in 2011, an organization committed to serving hungry
• 13:30
  S1: Kingdom leaders through leadership and coaching, consulting, speaking, and teaching.
• 13:34
  S1: If you go to ed.com, there'll be a link there
• 13:36
  S1: for it. You get right to the ministry there. He's
• 13:38
  S1: taught at Missio Seminary, at Friends Seminary, uh, Taylor University,
• 13:43
  S1: and he's written several books, including the Art of Asking
• 13:47
  S1: Better Questions. So super to have you on the program.
• 13:49
  S1: I'm interested in where our conversation is going to go
• 13:52
  S1: because I'm asking you the questions. And you wrote the
• 13:54
  S1: book of the Art of asking better questions. So why
• 13:57
  S1: did you think that was important? Well, what's really important.
• 14:00
  S3: About questions is we all ask them, but we don't
• 14:03
  S3: know truly the power that questions hold. I think we
• 14:07
  S3: think especially as followers of Jesus, the way, the truth
• 14:10
  S3: and the life. Uh, we just think, uh oh, he
• 14:13
  S3: just gave all sorts of answers, which he did. But
• 14:16
  S3: what's fascinating is that Jesus asked over 300 questions. He
• 14:19
  S3: was asked over 180 questions, and yet he only directly
• 14:23
  S3: answered five of them. And so we look at that
• 14:25
  S3: and say, wait a second, there's something here that Jesus
• 14:29
  S3: utilized questions with that maybe we need to learn from.
• 14:32
  S3: And I would venture to say, there's not a single
• 14:34
  S3: relationship that you and I have. Anybody has of great
• 14:37
  S3: depth and consistency where important questions have not been asked
• 14:42
  S3: of each other. I think we all. I don't think
• 14:44
  S3: there's a person alive saying questions are terrible. We should
• 14:47
  S3: never ask another one. I just think we've overemphasized questions
• 14:52
  S3: or answers and underemphasized questions, and I'm trying to bring
• 14:55
  S3: the emphasis of questions back up and prioritize them, because
• 14:59
  S3: the quality of our lives is determined by the quality
• 15:02
  S3: of the questions that we ask of God, ourselves, and others.
• 15:06
  S1: Okay. And that's a bold claim. And it's interesting because
• 15:09
  S1: when we were over at the Billy Graham Center and
• 15:12
  S1: you just kept asking me questions and I made fun
• 15:14
  S1: of you for that, I said, I said, I want
• 15:15
  S1: to ask you some questions, but you're kind of a
• 15:16
  S1: question asker, but you really do seek to take kind
• 15:20
  S1: of what Jesus did here. And because you actually talk
• 15:24
  S1: about Jesus as the ultimate question asker, you already talked
• 15:26
  S1: about the number of times, but I guess the question
• 15:29
  S1: is why? I mean, part of it, I think Jesus
• 15:31
  S1: is trying to, you know, I mean, we call it
• 15:32
  S1: Socratic method today. He's trying to get people to think
• 15:34
  S1: through things. But why did you I mean, it's it's
• 15:37
  S1: a shocking number of questions at a very few answers.
• 15:40
  S1: Why do you think he's doing this?
• 15:41
  S3: Yeah, there's lots of reasons why Jesus did this. And
• 15:44
  S3: I talk about this in the book, the several reasons,
• 15:47
  S3: but it's not because he didn't know. It's because just
• 15:51
  S3: like we ask our kids questions where we may already
• 15:54
  S3: know the answers, especially if they're younger, it's because we're
• 15:57
  S3: trying to engage in conversation with them. We're trying to
• 15:59
  S3: connect with them and lean in with engagement. My friend
• 16:02
  S3: Heather Holloman, who teaches at Penn State, she said questions.
• 16:05
  S3: There's only two reasons we ask questions clarity and engagement.
• 16:08
  S3: I really like that clarity could be clarifying information, getting
• 16:11
  S3: something new, but also engagement with one another. Um, and Jesus,
• 16:15
  S3: of course, you know, we read in John, he says,
• 16:18
  S3: I only do what I see my father doing. And
• 16:20
  S3: what's even more alarming is how many questions God the
• 16:22
  S3: Father asks through the Old Testament. Why would God ask
• 16:25
  S3: questions if he's the all knowing, omniscient, omnipotent God? And
• 16:29
  S3: so as a result of that, we just look at
• 16:31
  S3: all these questions. Why did he ask it? Why did
• 16:33
  S3: he ask Adam and Eve? Where are you? It wasn't
• 16:35
  S3: a geographical question. He knew exactly where they were. Anywhere,
• 16:38
  S3: but I think it's more of a theological relational question
• 16:41
  S3: as well. And so God is doing what Jesus models
• 16:46
  S3: and what we can model. The importance of questions is
• 16:49
  S3: about relationship, trust, connection, vulnerability, intimacy. Um, and we just
• 16:54
  S3: can't be in relationship with others without questions. It's impossible.
• 16:58
  S1: Yeah. And I think it's, and I love the idea again,
• 17:00
  S1: the title of the book is the Art of Asking
• 17:02
  S1: Better Questions. And I said, you modeled it for, for me.
• 17:06
  S1: And I, you know, as a as a, you know,
• 17:07
  S1: I'm whatever I am, I'm like you, I'm a public speaker. And, and,
• 17:10
  S1: you know, people just constantly ask us questions. And I actually,
• 17:14
  S1: I don't mind it, but I want to ask people questions.
• 17:17
  S1: And because I'm inquisitive, I want to know, I want
• 17:19
  S1: to learn. I think that kind of helps shapes us.
• 17:22
  S1: So your part of your book is to help people
• 17:24
  S1: kind of do well crafted questions. Um, give us some example,
• 17:29
  S1: like actually, I mean, here's some questions. And let me
• 17:31
  S1: remind everybody too that we are taking calls. We are
• 17:33
  S1: able to do that live here at BlackRock Church. And
• 17:37
  S1: where are we? Fairfield. Connecticut. Fairfield, Connecticut. 87754836. Seven five.
• 17:42
  S1: I'm interested how you use questions like what does it
• 17:44
  S1: look like with your kids or with your family or
• 17:46
  S1: with your friends? I remember when my one of my
• 17:50
  S1: daughters was struggling relationally, and I said, we're going to
• 17:54
  S1: read a part of How to Win Friends and Influence people.
• 17:56
  S1: And that's part of that is ask people. Everyone loves
• 17:58
  S1: to talk about themselves. And I got to say, I
• 18:00
  S1: don't think that's a bad thing. Everyone loves to talk
• 18:02
  S1: about themselves, but we want to give them the opportunity.
• 18:04
  S1: We want to share. We want to learn. So again,
• 18:06
  S1: I'd like to hear how you do that in your life.
• 18:09
  S1: And you can ask questions of Jr. Or you can
• 18:11
  S1: weigh in with kind of how you do this. (877) 548-3675
• 18:17
  S1: is our number. That's (877) 548-3675. Okay, so I'm looking for
• 18:24
  S1: some examples and you can kind of go some of them,
• 18:26
  S1: you actually give examples. Some things are leadership questions, relational questions,
• 18:29
  S1: spiritual growth questions. Uh, take a few minutes because give
• 18:32
  S1: folks a chance to call. We already got some folks
• 18:34
  S1: call in, in as well. Um, so take a few
• 18:37
  S1: minutes to kind of explain what do some of those
• 18:39
  S1: questions look like? Yeah.
• 18:41
  S3: Yeah. So the most important thing to think about is
• 18:43
  S3: that there are four elements of questions. We cannot ask
• 18:46
  S3: good questions without these four elements. We have to have
• 18:48
  S3: curiosity without curiosity. Why are we even asking the question
• 18:51
  S3: number one? Number two, we have to have wisdom. Three,
• 18:55
  S3: we have to have humility. And four, we have to
• 18:57
  S3: have courage. There is a ton of wisdom. I could
• 18:59
  S3: ask you 10,000 questions, but how would I know which
• 19:02
  S3: one to ask? Requires a lot of wisdom, but also
• 19:05
  S3: humility to admit I don't know the answer. I don't
• 19:08
  S3: know you. I want to know you. And that takes
• 19:10
  S3: a lot of courage to admit that. So I think
• 19:13
  S3: if those four elements are not present, I don't know
• 19:15
  S3: how we can be consistent in asking really good questions.
• 19:18
  S3: So that's the first framework. I'll do another set of four. Um, but,
• 19:22
  S3: but thinking about mental models on this, there are four
• 19:25
  S3: levels of questions and we don't often think about it.
• 19:27
  S3: Not every question is created equal. And so level one
• 19:30
  S3: question level one is just pure information simple facts. What
• 19:34
  S3: time does the game start? You know, where's the nearest
• 19:36
  S3: chick fil A? You know, whatever it might be. But
• 19:39
  S3: we need a lot of courage and context to move
• 19:42
  S3: to the second level. And the second level is where
• 19:44
  S3: we get to more thoughts and emotions, where we're getting
• 19:47
  S3: from information to more interaction with someone. You have to
• 19:50
  S3: have a little bit of trust there. Level three requires
• 19:52
  S3: even more courage on that. And that's questions for understanding.
• 19:56
  S3: That's where we're getting to people's hopes and dreams and fears.
• 20:00
  S3: And I would say most healthy relationships operate on that
• 20:03
  S3: level three. But then there's a level four. And that
• 20:06
  S3: requires immense vulnerability. These are questions for transformation. Only a
• 20:11
  S3: small group of people in our lives will we have
• 20:14
  S3: relationships with where we can ask level four questions. This
• 20:16
  S3: could be a spouse, a best friend of 30 years,
• 20:18
  S3: a therapist, a mentor, a counselor. And so we've got
• 20:22
  S3: to have the wisdom to know which level of question
• 20:25
  S3: should we ask? We've all been in conversations with people
• 20:28
  S3: where we go, well, that was creepy. I don't know you.
• 20:29
  S3: Why are you asking? We jumped too far into the
• 20:33
  S3: into another level that we shouldn't have. Or we know
• 20:36
  S3: someone for 25 years. And we realize besides weather and sports,
• 20:39
  S3: we really don't know them. It's because we've probably been
• 20:42
  S3: living in level one or level two. Here's where it
• 20:44
  S3: gets really cool. You want to do a next level
• 20:46
  S3: study of scripture? Go through it with a red letter
• 20:49
  S3: edition of your Bible. Circle every red question mark and
• 20:52
  S3: then ask, what did Jesus ask? Why did he ask it?
• 20:56
  S3: Who did he ask and what happened afterwards? And what
• 20:58
  S3: level question did Jesus ask? Jesus asked all four levels
• 21:03
  S3: of questions throughout the Gospels.
• 21:05
  S1: And I think I think that's, um, I mean, really,
• 21:07
  S1: and your book helped me just to see, I mean,
• 21:09
  S1: how frequently this is such a central thing that Jesus does.
• 21:13
  S1: And so I think, let me remind people, they can
• 21:15
  S1: call in eight, 775483675. I see some of you calling in.
• 21:20
  S1: I love that (877) 548-3675. All right. So so with um,
• 21:29
  S1: I asked you kind of explain kind of the framing
• 21:31
  S1: of these questions. You really didn't give me an example,
• 21:33
  S1: so I'm going to give you the opportunity. I asked
• 21:35
  S1: you a question and you didn't answer it. So give
• 21:37
  S1: me the samples. Like for example, I'll tell you what
• 21:39
  S1: my my best friend is named Eric Geiger, and he's
• 21:42
  S1: the pastor of the church where I serve as teaching pastor.
• 21:45
  S1: And like we ask each other questions, we're like, man,
• 21:46
  S1: how's your how's your soul today? Like, and, you know,
• 21:48
  S1: I've been in a very difficult spot the last three
• 21:51
  S1: and a half months. It's been the worst three and
• 21:52
  S1: a half months of my life. And he's called every
• 21:54
  S1: day to ask me questions and check on me. And
• 21:56
  S1: so I need him to stop. I said, okay, that's enough.
• 21:58
  S1: You've been very kind. We're good friends. I mean, again,
• 22:01
  S1: so so I know the questions are different, but I
• 22:04
  S1: still think, like most people don't know how to move
• 22:06
  S1: beyond like, how are you doing? You know, so give
• 22:08
  S1: me some examples of some of that what look like,
• 22:10
  S1: and I really want you to do it this time.
• 22:11
  S1: I want you to answer my question this time as well.
• 22:13
  S1: Let me tell you one more time. The phone number,
• 22:15
  S1: maybe you got examples of questions that you've asked or
• 22:17
  S1: way you engage in questions (877) 548-3675.
• 22:22
  S3: Yeah. One of the things that you're right, you mentioned
• 22:24
  S3: lazy questions. Uh, you know, what's up? How are you doing?
• 22:28
  S3: How was your day? And we asked that of our kids.
• 22:30
  S3: How was your day at school? Fine. Good. Maybe like
• 22:33
  S3: I would. I got with my middle school boys was
• 22:36
  S3: a grunt, you know, not even not even an answer.
• 22:38
  S3: So what do we do? I encourage people to, uh,
• 22:41
  S3: have questions that are on their no fly zone list.
• 22:45
  S3: They just say, we're not going to ask these anymore.
• 22:46
  S3: What are the lazy questions? Because, uh, here's how it works.
• 22:51
  S3: You ask an unthoughtful unengaging question, you almost always get
• 22:55
  S3: an unthoughtful unengaging answer. But if you ask a really thoughtful,
• 22:58
  S3: compassionate question, you almost always get a thoughtful, compassionate answer.
• 23:01
  S3: It's as predictable as a communist election. I mean, it's
• 23:04
  S3: just funny how that works. So what would be some examples?
• 23:06
  S3: Instead of how was your day? Good to say? What
• 23:09
  S3: was the highlight of your day or. Katie Couric I
• 23:13
  S3: pick this up from her instead of what do you do?
• 23:16
  S3: What do you like to do? It just changes it
• 23:18
  S3: a little bit. And then people start talking about their passions. Um,
• 23:21
  S3: or um, oh, vacation. Uh, how was your vacation? Say,
• 23:24
  S3: what was the highlight? Give me a snapshot of one
• 23:27
  S3: moment on your vacation you loved the most. So the
• 23:30
  S3: more thoughtful and specific we can be, even if we
• 23:32
  S3: can just tighten it up by 5 or 10%, make
• 23:35
  S3: it make the tip of the arrow just a little
• 23:37
  S3: bit sharper. It's amazing what can happen in terms of conversation.
• 23:41
  S3: So there there are some on my no fly zone.
• 23:44
  S3: I will not ask, uh, you know, what's up? How
• 23:47
  S3: you doing? I might say, good to see you. Sometimes
• 23:50
  S3: we say, how are you doing as a way of greeting,
• 23:52
  S3: but I love asking the more specific question. So, um,
• 23:56
  S3: you know, if my boys to say like, uh, what's
• 23:58
  S3: one thing you appreciate most about your friends? Not how
• 24:01
  S3: are your friends doing? Good, but what's one thing you
• 24:03
  S3: appreciate about your friends right now? Um, what's been on
• 24:06
  S3: your mind lately? You know, what's, what's taking up your mental, uh,
• 24:10
  S3: airspace right now? It's just a different way of saying
• 24:13
  S3: what's up or what are you thinking about? If I
• 24:15
  S3: can just word it just a little bit differently. And again,
• 24:18
  S3: I could give lists on each of those four sections
• 24:21
  S3: depending on the context of that. Um, but, um, what
• 24:25
  S3: are you learning? I love what are you listening to?
• 24:27
  S3: What's a movie you've seen in the last three months
• 24:29
  S3: that totally surprised you? Um, or or caught you off
• 24:33
  S3: guard or you have a free Saturday. Nothing going on.
• 24:37
  S3: How would you love to spend it? It's a great
• 24:38
  S3: way to get to know someone at a party.
• 24:40
  S1: Love it, love it. Okay, good. We're gonna continue our
• 24:42
  S1: conversation and get to your calls, which are breaks in
• 24:44
  S1: just a moment, let me remind you that the title
• 24:47
  S1: of his new book, and again, I found it helpful.
• 24:49
  S1: You will as well. By the way, we're going to
• 24:51
  S1: give away five copies of it to insightful questions. You know,
• 24:53
  S1: it's not like, you know, I'm the seventh caller. Give
• 24:55
  S1: me a copy of the book, but it's more like,
• 24:56
  S1: you got a great question. We'd love to share that
• 24:58
  S1: with you as well. Our phone number is (877) 548-3675. Again,
• 25:04
  S1: that's (877) 548-3675. I want to let you know again, we
• 25:08
  S1: are live at a conference and we've got people sitting
• 25:11
  S1: in front like Sean Wiles talking when I'm trying to
• 25:13
  S1: have a radio show here. Hey Sean quit talking. I'm
• 25:16
  S1: on a live radio show right here. And he's, like,
• 25:17
  S1: sitting right in front of us. We're in a cafe. Anyway,
• 25:20
  S1: our number is (877) 548-3675. Let me thank our team. That
• 25:25
  S1: always makes this magic happen at Moody Radio there. We've got,
• 25:28
  S1: of course, my producer, Karen Hendren, my engineer Merle Saint James,
• 25:31
  S1: my associate producer, Lisa and Simon's on the phone today.
• 25:35
  S1: And as always, here are today's program again. And to
• 25:38
  S1: find links to the authors and the books that we're
• 25:40
  S1: talking to, you can always go to Ed stetzer.com. That's
• 25:44
  S1: Ed stetzer.com. Connect with us as always through Twitter, Facebook, Instagram,
• 25:48
  S1: always at ed Stetzer. All right. I want to hear
• 25:50
  S1: from you. We're going to jump right into the calls
• 25:52
  S1: when we come back. Maybe you got questions about questions
• 25:54
  S1: or where you share questions (877) 548-3675. All right. We're back.
• 26:09
  S1: Ed Stetzer live live in black Rock church. Um, in
• 26:14
  S1: the state of Connecticut. We're in Connecticut. Have you been
• 26:16
  S1: to Connecticut before?
• 26:17
  S3: I have, yeah, on my way up, driving from Philly
• 26:19
  S3: up to Boston several times.
• 26:21
  S1: Oh, that makes sense. That makes sense. Connecticut. I grew
• 26:23
  S1: up in New York. Uh, I was born in, uh,
• 26:26
  S1: queens and then taken out to Long Island. And so,
• 26:30
  S1: you know, kind of this. And we would go to Connecticut. Uh,
• 26:33
  S1: we actually go to we didn't have a lot of money.
• 26:35
  S1: My dad was, was really struggling with his alcoholism. He'd
• 26:37
  S1: later sober up. It was a great grandfather, etcetera, etcetera.
• 26:40
  S1: But we were we were poor because he couldn't keep
• 26:41
  S1: a job. But I remember getting in the station wagon.
• 26:43
  S1: We'd go up to this place in Connecticut called Banner Lodge,
• 26:46
  S1: which is gone now, but it used to it's like
• 26:47
  S1: a Jewish resort. And I don't know why we were
• 26:49
  S1: these like, my dad wasn't much of a Catholic, but
• 26:51
  S1: Christmas and Easter. And so we'd go do that. And
• 26:54
  S1: I just have fond memories of Connecticut. So we're we're
• 26:56
  S1: having fun here as well. So we're actually at black
• 26:58
  S1: Rock church because we're at the advanced conference. They are
• 27:01
  S1: speaking in a few minutes at the advance conference I
• 27:03
  S1: just spoke. And so we're kind of on this journey
• 27:06
  S1: together in this conference. And so we're live. You might
• 27:08
  S1: hear people in the background. Uh, that's because we're in
• 27:11
  S1: a live show as well, right here, right here. All right.
• 27:13
  S1: So we're going to take your calls as well and
• 27:15
  S1: kind of sort of jump in. All right. Let's see.
• 27:17
  S1: We're going to go first to, uh, I think it's Jeannie. Jeannie,
• 27:20
  S1: are you actually in Burlington, Kentucky or Burlington, Vermont? I
• 27:24
  S1: got to know.
• 27:26
  S4: Burlington, Kentucky.
• 27:28
  S1: Okay, it is Kentucky. I doubt it, I doubt it.
• 27:31
  S1: I should never doubt my call screener. They always know.
• 27:33
  S1: So tell us about your question or your comment. Jeannie.
• 27:36
  S4: Um, by Florence. Y'all just had to throw that in there. Um,
• 27:39
  S4: my question is, I, I am in a program that
• 27:44
  S4: we minister and help women that are in a program
• 27:47
  S4: called reset. And so in that, um, it's an 18
• 27:51
  S4: month program where we walk alongside them. And so you're
• 27:54
  S4: having a lot of dialogue. So in the dialogue, is
• 27:57
  S4: there a way for me to pick out certain words
• 28:01
  S4: or to try and really get at the meat of
• 28:04
  S4: what they're really trying to get at to help them
• 28:06
  S4: get there a little quicker than what we are. Does
• 28:09
  S4: that make sense?
• 28:10
  S1: Yeah it does. So you're trying to say, how do
• 28:11
  S1: we ask those better questions or respond to their questions
• 28:16
  S1: and get sort of at some of the real issues?
• 28:17
  S1: So it's sort of a both direction thing. First of all,
• 28:19
  S1: I want you to stay in the line because I
• 28:20
  S1: do want to give you a copy of the book.
• 28:23
  S1: The book is the art of asking better questions, pursuing stronger,
• 28:26
  S1: pursuing stronger relationships, healthier leadership, and deeper faith. So what
• 28:29
  S1: do you think about Jesus question? She was asking about
• 28:34
  S1: the question about this ministry. Like, how does she how
• 28:37
  S1: does she respond to the questions that maybe people who
• 28:39
  S1: struggle with addiction are asking? And how does she ask
• 28:41
  S1: better questions?
• 28:42
  S3: Yeah. Yeah. And Jeannie, that's a great one because oftentimes
• 28:45
  S3: when people are asking questions, they think they know what
• 28:48
  S3: they're asking, but there's often something deeper. I'm a huge
• 28:51
  S3: fan of follow up questions, and we see Jesus asking
• 28:53
  S3: tons of follow up questions. And as a result of that,
• 28:56
  S3: if we can listen to the context and then have
• 28:58
  S3: the wisdom to say, tell me a little bit more,
• 29:00
  S3: tell me a little bit more. Uh, you know, if
• 29:03
  S3: we can get to what we call the qbq, the
• 29:04
  S3: question behind the question of what's going on, that can
• 29:07
  S3: be helpful. So I would just encourage you to be
• 29:09
  S3: thinking through what are some helpful follow up questions. One
• 29:12
  S3: of the things that I've found is that when when
• 29:15
  S3: people ask me a question, I'll say is, and is
• 29:17
  S3: there anything else? And is there anything else? Is there
• 29:20
  S3: anything else? I know that sounds redundant and we're not
• 29:23
  S3: trying to be insulting, but it's amazing how people actually
• 29:27
  S3: get to what they really want. When I keep asking
• 29:30
  S3: them what else, tell me a little bit more how
• 29:31
  S3: how did you arrive at that? Why is that? Have
• 29:33
  S3: you always felt that way? So I would just encourage
• 29:35
  S3: you to be thinking through some of those follow up questions.
• 29:37
  S1: Okay. Love it and love what you're saying. So, so
• 29:40
  S1: super call. Thank you for your call. Let's go to
• 29:42
  S1: another line. Let's go to Raj Raj in Oklahoma. Raj,
• 29:45
  S1: you're live on the air.
• 29:47
  S5: Uh, yeah. My question is not so much the question,
• 29:50
  S5: but sometimes I'll be at the store and I'll talk
• 29:53
  S5: to the clerk and I'll say, hey, what's the best
• 29:55
  S5: part of working here? And they'll get defensive and I'll say,
• 30:00
  S5: I'm sorry. Um, I guess my question is what would
• 30:02
  S5: you recommend when out of this thoughtfulness? I'm asking, you know,
• 30:06
  S5: inquiring about how their day is or what the best
• 30:08
  S5: part of their job. And I get a defensiveness and
• 30:12
  S5: sort of, why are you asking me that? How would
• 30:14
  S5: you maybe help me?
• 30:15
  S1: No, I think that's a good question. First of all,
• 30:16
  S1: I want you to hold on the line, and I
• 30:17
  S1: want you to get a copy of J.R. Briggs book.
• 30:20
  S1: It's at the art of asking better questions. Sarah. That
• 30:23
  S1: subtitle is so long, I'm just going to say the
• 30:24
  S1: art of asking better questions. Everyone's into the tripartite subtitles lately, so,
• 30:29
  S1: you know, I mean, Roger's, you know, he's trying to
• 30:30
  S1: build some bridges. He's trying to ask deeper questions at
• 30:32
  S1: the to the clerk, he gave the example at the
• 30:34
  S1: store rather than just, hi, how are you? And sometimes
• 30:37
  S1: they get defensive or they get bothered that you're asking.
• 30:40
  S1: And I imagine that that's not an uncommon thing. Tell
• 30:42
  S1: us about how to respond.
• 30:43
  S3: Yeah, yeah. And it does require a lot of wisdom.
• 30:46
  S3: And there are times where we want to ask questions,
• 30:49
  S3: but oftentimes the person we're asking doesn't always want to
• 30:52
  S3: be asked questions. I gave an example in the book
• 30:55
  S3: of sitting in a gate, and there was someone waiting
• 30:57
  S3: for my flight. There was someone there reading a book,
• 30:59
  S3: and I just thought, oh, you know, what book are
• 31:01
  S3: you reading? Oh, that's fascinating. Like, how did you find
• 31:02
  S3: out about this author? And are you glad you picked
• 31:05
  S3: it up? And after a few minutes of me asking questions,
• 31:07
  S3: he looked at me. He said, are you a reporter?
• 31:09
  S3: And I said, no. Why is that? He said, I
• 31:11
  S3: kind of like to just get back to reading my
• 31:13
  S3: book if I could. And what I realized my intent
• 31:16
  S3: was good, but what I wasn't doing was Situationally reading
• 31:21
  S3: the room, realizing he just wanted to be left alone. So, um,
• 31:24
  S3: so there's that. And sometimes not everyone will be responsive
• 31:27
  S3: to questions and that's fine. It doesn't mean we should
• 31:29
  S3: stop asking them. Um, but we do need to have
• 31:31
  S3: the wisdom on that. And then also if someone doesn't
• 31:33
  S3: want to respond, okay, that's fine. Um, and, uh, but,
• 31:37
  S3: but oftentimes just to say, hey, sometimes I'll preface it
• 31:39
  S3: and say, you know, you don't have to answer it
• 31:41
  S3: if you don't want to, but I'm curious about dot, dot, dot, um,
• 31:44
  S3: or if that's not something that you feel comfortable sharing
• 31:46
  S3: right now, no problem. But I'm curious about dot, dot, dot.
• 31:49
  S3: That way it gives them a safe out or off
• 31:51
  S3: ramp if they want to.
• 31:52
  S1: Yeah. And I think we've all had people were like, okay,
• 31:55
  S1: that's enough. You got to stop. You know, sometimes they
• 31:57
  S1: just kind of, oh, maybe not everybody has that. But but,
• 31:59
  S1: you know, particularly in our work and what we do,
• 32:01
  S1: it's like, man, you're just, you know, and someone will
• 32:03
  S1: drive me to the airport and it's like 45 minutes
• 32:05
  S1: of questions and I'll say, hey, I just, I just,
• 32:07
  S1: I got 30 minutes of questions in me. I'd like
• 32:09
  S1: to know about you. I mean, I live my whole life,
• 32:11
  S1: people ask me questions all the time and I want
• 32:13
  S1: to hear from them as well. So I think that's
• 32:15
  S1: part of it as well. Raj, as always, stay on
• 32:17
  S1: the line. We're going to give you a copy of
• 32:18
  S1: the book. All right. Let's go to. Let's go to
• 32:22
  S1: Philip in Indianapolis. Philip. You are live on the air.
• 32:26
  S6: Hey. Thank you. And I love this topic, and I
• 32:29
  S6: really I really dislike those lazy questions. And so one
• 32:33
  S6: of the questions that I often use on folks that
• 32:36
  S6: I found to be very effective is when I, when
• 32:38
  S6: there's a few minutes to share, just saying to someone,
• 32:42
  S6: so what's your story? And, and what I found is
• 32:45
  S6: when given that opportunity, everyone has a story and, and
• 32:49
  S6: people love to tell their story and it opens up
• 32:52
  S6: so much more, uh, about that person and gives the
• 32:56
  S6: opportunity for a deeper dive into the conversation. But just
• 32:59
  S6: it catches people off guard. But just saying to someone,
• 33:02
  S6: so what's your story and just being.
• 33:04
  S1: And do they do they do they usually, I mean,
• 33:08
  S1: can we say, what's your story? And I love that.
• 33:09
  S1: I'm going to ask Darren just a second sort of
• 33:11
  S1: respond to I mean, I love that it's just an
• 33:14
  S1: openness because they can sort of choose how much of
• 33:16
  S1: their story they want to tell. So do you mostly get, like,
• 33:20
  S1: surface stuff? I'm guessing most of the time people just say,
• 33:22
  S1: you know, like maybe give their job or something. Or
• 33:25
  S1: do they sometimes go a little deeper?
• 33:27
  S6: It's interesting. They often go pretty deep. And I asked
• 33:32
  S6: that to someone once and found out that, uh, their
• 33:35
  S6: family had to flee from a communist country in the
• 33:39
  S6: dark of night. And it was just the most fascinating, uh, conversation.
• 33:43
  S6: But yeah, just. So what's your story? And then the
• 33:46
  S6: challenge is then don't say anything else and just let
• 33:49
  S6: them talk.
• 33:50
  S1: Yeah, yeah, that's that's a good point, too. Good. Hey,
• 33:52
  S1: thank you for your call, Philip. You stay on the line. Uh,
• 33:54
  S1: we're going to give you a copy of the Art
• 33:55
  S1: of Asking Better Questions by J.R. Briggs. He also said, too,
• 33:58
  S1: that he asked the question. You heard that? And it's
• 34:00
  S1: like it's like that, that, you know, what's your story?
• 34:02
  S1: But I love what you reflect on is that then
• 34:05
  S1: you just let the pause sit there. So how does
• 34:07
  S1: that work? I mean, and again, it's what's your story?
• 34:09
  S1: Is that is that a good one for you? What
• 34:10
  S1: others are there like that? How do you get people
• 34:12
  S1: to open up more?
• 34:13
  S3: Yeah, I love that. Philip. That's a great question. It's
• 34:16
  S3: a question I love asking, and some people want to
• 34:18
  S3: take it very surface level, and that's fine. We want
• 34:21
  S3: to be hospitable and let them move at the level
• 34:25
  S3: of comfort that they have. But some people just open
• 34:27
  S3: up dramatically. As you know, Philip, what I've found is
• 34:30
  S3: if I ask the question, I better have enough time
• 34:33
  S3: scheduled in to be able to listen, because not everybody
• 34:37
  S3: gets the opportunity to tell their story. Some people start,
• 34:39
  S3: I was born in whatever or this has marked me, my,
• 34:43
  S3: you know, the abuse that happened in my childhood. It's
• 34:46
  S3: amazing what level people choose to enter in on that question. Um,
• 34:50
  S3: there was a reporter who wanted to do a story
• 34:53
  S3: on our church and I said, on one condition. When
• 34:56
  S3: the story comes out, then I take you to lunch
• 34:59
  S3: and get to know you. And he said, in all
• 35:01
  S3: my years, no one's ever asked me that. And I said, well,
• 35:03
  S3: let's do it. And he said, I'm not very religious.
• 35:05
  S3: And I said, that's fine, that's fine. But I sat
• 35:07
  S3: down with him and I said, Steve, what's your story?
• 35:11
  S3: I had hardly gotten the question out, and the guy
• 35:14
  S3: started sobbing. And he talked about how his marriage was
• 35:17
  S3: falling apart, how he hated what he was doing. He
• 35:19
  S3: was afraid of losing his job. His kids were not
• 35:22
  S3: doing well. And, uh. And I just then began to
• 35:25
  S3: ask some follow up questions based on the tears. Um,
• 35:28
  S3: Charles Spurgeon said that, uh, tears are liquid prayers. So
• 35:32
  S3: I said, can you put to words the prayer that
• 35:36
  S3: your face is praying right now? And here's a guy
• 35:39
  S3: who said, I'm not religious. And I said, that's fine.
• 35:40
  S3: He said, God help! Help! God help! And it ended
• 35:45
  S3: up being this unbelievable conversation. And it just started by
• 35:47
  S3: me saying, so what's your story, Steve? And so I
• 35:50
  S3: think and a lot of people, you know, that would
• 35:52
  S3: be very appropriate. Other people may get freaked out or
• 35:54
  S3: defensive about it, but to say, you know, other variations
• 35:57
  S3: of that might be, so what makes you tick? Or Steve?
• 36:01
  S3: What makes Steve Steve or what is it? When is
• 36:04
  S3: when do you feel most misunderstood? I think those are
• 36:07
  S3: a good way to kind of pop open the hood
• 36:10
  S3: and kind of see what's going on below the surface.
• 36:12
  S1: I think that last one was a little more, though.
• 36:13
  S1: But you know what? You know what's going on. It
• 36:16
  S1: can be a little deeper. And I think, you know,
• 36:17
  S1: I'm going to talk when I come back. We got
• 36:18
  S1: one more segment as well and I want to hear
• 36:20
  S1: from you. Uh, we got one more segment with J.R. Briggs.
• 36:23
  S1: We're talking about questions is our phone number is (877) 548-3675.
• 36:28
  S1: We welcome you to share maybe way you engage in
• 36:30
  S1: questions or maybe questions about how you might. Our phone
• 36:33
  S1: number eight, they always tell me to say it slower
• 36:35
  S1: so I will. (877) 548-3675. Stay with us. We got one
• 36:50
  S1: last segment, one last segment with J.R. Briggs, who just
• 36:52
  S1: I got to tell you, like, I have seen his
• 36:54
  S1: ministry for a long time. I'm just so thankful for
• 36:57
  S1: you and the work that you're doing and the passion
• 36:58
  S1: that you have. And you've been teaching us in different
• 37:01
  S1: ways over these years. Our phone number is (877) 548-3675. We've
• 37:07
  S1: got several callers here. So we got to kind of,
• 37:09
  S1: you know, the last segment is always a bit of
• 37:11
  S1: a lightning round. So I want to make sure that
• 37:13
  S1: that you're that you're able to just jump in. So
• 37:16
  S1: right now, if you're on the line, I want you
• 37:17
  S1: to be thinking, how am I going to articulate my
• 37:19
  S1: question so we can jump in and turn it right
• 37:22
  S1: over to, to, to J.R. for the answer. So first,
• 37:25
  S1: we're going to go right to a friend of the show,
• 37:28
  S1: Penny in Alabama, you're live on the air.
• 37:30
  S7: Please discuss the level four questions Jesus asked.
• 37:36
  S1: See, Penny just gets right to it. That's why she's
• 37:37
  S1: my favorite caller. All right, so we're going to talk
• 37:39
  S1: about this level four questions. But Penny, I need to
• 37:40
  S1: give you a copy of the Art of asking better questions.
• 37:42
  S1: So hold on the line after you hear from J.R..
• 37:46
  S3: Yeah. Penny. Great question. And that's I want to encourage
• 37:49
  S3: you and all the other listeners to think through, uh,
• 37:51
  S3: you know, those questions and to identify them, but what
• 37:54
  S3: are some level four questions that Jesus asked to particularly
• 37:57
  S3: come to mind? The first one, the end of Mark eight,
• 38:00
  S3: when Jesus says, who do you say that I am?
• 38:03
  S3: In fact, the whole book of Mark is organized around
• 38:06
  S3: that hinge of which the whole book, that door swings
• 38:09
  S3: on the hinge of that. So who do people say
• 38:12
  S3: that I am is probably level two. Level three. But
• 38:14
  S3: who do you what about you? Who do you say
• 38:16
  S3: that I am? Another one would be when he talks
• 38:18
  S3: with Peter and he says, do you love me? Do
• 38:21
  S3: you love me? Do you love me? That's about as
• 38:23
  S3: intimate and as powerful as it gets on level four.
• 38:27
  S1: Love that. Great question. Penny two and hold on the line.
• 38:30
  S1: Let's go to Jay in Oklahoma. I think you're on
• 38:33
  S1: the app, Jay, but go ahead and jump in with
• 38:35
  S1: your question or your comment.
• 38:37
  S8: Yes. Hi. Um, thanks for taking my call. Um, so
• 38:40
  S8: my question is how do you how do you get
• 38:45
  S8: I get tired of trying to engage other people when
• 38:51
  S8: they just continue like you go to church and, uh, it's,
• 38:55
  S8: it's the same thing. Uh, it's always how you doing?
• 38:59
  S8: No one ever wants to go deeper like what you're
• 39:03
  S8: talking about.
• 39:05
  S1: Yeah, for sure, for sure. Well, let me say at first,
• 39:07
  S1: I think part of the answer is to get your
• 39:09
  S1: entire church to read the art of asking better questions,
• 39:12
  S1: pursuing stronger relationships, healthier leadership, and deeper faith. But you
• 39:15
  S1: get the issue. It's like, it's like, I mean, I'm
• 39:18
  S1: not going to I probably shouldn't jump to you because
• 39:20
  S1: it is a lightning round, but I don't ask the
• 39:22
  S1: question anymore. How are you? Because I so what I
• 39:26
  S1: would say to people, first of all, then they, they say, fine,
• 39:28
  S1: how are you, etc., etc. so I actually, I probably
• 39:31
  S1: when I go to like a class or something, I say,
• 39:33
  S1: I say good morning. I, you know, something like that because,
• 39:35
  S1: because I don't want to get into a fake asking question,
• 39:37
  S1: but I like asking questions. I like moving beyond that
• 39:40
  S1: at church. How do we get people there?
• 39:42
  S3: Yeah, it's a great question. I actually call, um, the
• 39:45
  S3: word fine the four letter F word at church. Um,
• 39:48
  S3: how are you doing? Fine. Good. How are you? Fine.
• 39:50
  S3: But to say, can I ask a question where they
• 39:52
  S3: can't say fine, good or okay. So I think just
• 39:55
  S3: asking things. Um, yeah. Tell me about the highlight of
• 39:58
  S3: your week. Or what's the one thing that stuck out
• 40:00
  S3: from the sermon you just heard? Um, or you know,
• 40:04
  S3: how are you really doing? I think we can ask,
• 40:06
  S3: how are you doing? But I love asking, how are
• 40:08
  S3: you doing? Actually, sometimes I'll say to my kids without saying, good, fine, okay,
• 40:12
  S3: or great, how are you? And they immediately go to
• 40:16
  S3: those four default and they go, uh, yeah, I'm actually
• 40:19
  S3: doing well. Thanks for asking. So I think if you
• 40:22
  S3: can just be 10 or 15% more thoughtful on the questions,
• 40:26
  S3: you can, you can model that well, you can model
• 40:29
  S3: that really well. And you start doing that week after
• 40:32
  S3: week in your church of asking a thoughtful question. And
• 40:35
  S3: let me encourage you on this as well. Create a
• 40:37
  S3: list on your, on your phone and the notes section
• 40:40
  S3: of your phone of thoughtful questions beyond just how are you?
• 40:44
  S3: And see if you can just engage and bring out
• 40:46
  S3: 2 or 3 of those between services or in the
• 40:48
  S3: lobby in the narthex, I think can be an incredible
• 40:51
  S3: way to help people think beyond that. So you model that,
• 40:54
  S3: don't be surprised if other people start modeling back to
• 40:56
  S3: you and to others at church.
• 40:58
  S1: Okay, some words in there. Narthex. Like I don't know
• 41:01
  S1: where you're going to church, but most of us don't
• 41:03
  S1: have a narthex anymore. And then the fine, we're going to,
• 41:05
  S1: we're going to call that something different. Moody radio. Brother.
• 41:08
  S1: Moody radio. Calm down. Over here. All right, all right. So, uh. So, uh,
• 41:12
  S1: let's continue taking some calls. Let's, uh, remember, we're in
• 41:14
  S1: a lightning round, so you get right to your question
• 41:16
  S1: or comment. We're going to go to Rob. I think
• 41:19
  S1: it's Rob in Chicago. You're live on the air listening
• 41:21
  S1: on WMB. I jump right in.
• 41:24
  S9: Yeah. Uh, when I was a teenager at CS, Lewis
• 41:28
  S9: mentored me on this issue of level four in particular.
• 41:33
  S9: And he said, don't forget that the apostle Paul says,
• 41:37
  S9: if you don't know what to pray for, don't worry
• 41:41
  S9: about it, because the Holy Spirit knows what's on your heart,
• 41:45
  S9: and he will reveal to you what you should be asking. Okay?
• 41:51
  S9: And I have often had, I've often had that, uh,
• 41:55
  S9: the Holy Spirit respond to me to give me the question,
• 42:01
  S9: the answer to the question that needed to be asked.
• 42:04
  S1: Oh, fascinating. Fascinating. Hey, thank you, Rob, for your call.
• 42:06
  S1: We're we're out of books. But let me encourage you
• 42:08
  S1: to copy to pick up a copy of the book.
• 42:10
  S1: But Rob, just talking about how the, uh, the kind
• 42:12
  S1: of it feels that the Holy Spirit gives him or
• 42:15
  S1: prompts him. So, so I think that's an important kind
• 42:18
  S1: of new part. So how is the leading of the
• 42:19
  S1: spirit fit into this in your kind of conversation and
• 42:22
  S1: question asking?
• 42:23
  S3: One of the things that I do when I speak
• 42:26
  S3: on this in workshops or at events or conferences is
• 42:29
  S3: I often say, show of hands, how many of you
• 42:31
  S3: have ever asked God specifically and frequently to help you
• 42:35
  S3: ask better questions for his glory? And hardly any hand
• 42:39
  S3: goes up. I think one of the most practical things
• 42:41
  S3: we can do, if questions are. The way in which
• 42:43
  S3: we value other people is to say, God, would you
• 42:47
  S3: help me be a better question asker? And then if
• 42:50
  S3: someone says back to us, thank you for asking questions.
• 42:52
  S3: I felt so seen and heard that was so hospitable.
• 42:56
  S3: That was a gift to me. And we can just whisper,
• 42:58
  S3: thank you, Holy Spirit, for giving me the right question
• 43:00
  S3: at the right time, to the right person. And so yeah,
• 43:04
  S3: asking the Holy Spirit to guide us is incredibly important. Lord,
• 43:08
  S3: help us to be more sensitive to the people around us.
• 43:11
  S3: And would you download questions? And in the moment that
• 43:14
  S3: I can ask someone, is one of the best ways
• 43:17
  S3: we can actually trust the guidance of the Holy Spirit
• 43:20
  S3: in our lives. So I'm so grateful that that you
• 43:22
  S3: have that and that the Holy Spirit has done that.
• 43:24
  S3: Continue to keep keep that up. And I hope that
• 43:26
  S3: other listeners as well will invite the Holy Spirit to
• 43:29
  S3: be the, the one that guides our questions.
• 43:32
  S1: Love it. Let's go to David in Ohio. David, you're
• 43:34
  S1: live on the air. Go ahead.
• 43:37
  S10: Hey there guys. I had my ear captured at this subject.
• 43:40
  S10: I love questions. I'm a pastor. And so one of
• 43:44
  S10: my favorite ways to teach people how to evangelize is
• 43:47
  S10: through asking questions. And so one of the ways that
• 43:50
  S10: I'll teach people and do myself is I'm getting to
• 43:53
  S10: know someone. I ask about their childhood, and then I
• 43:56
  S10: like to ask them if they ever grew up going
• 43:58
  S10: to church. And that simple, you know, non-offensive question can
• 44:01
  S10: really open up the door for the gospel.
• 44:04
  S1: I love this so evangelism through questions. Talk to us
• 44:07
  S1: about what that might look like.
• 44:08
  S3: Certainly, in fact, Ed and I earlier this week were
• 44:11
  S3: at the Amplify conference, the Billy Graham Center at Wheaton College,
• 44:14
  S3: where we talked about questions as a form of evangelism.
• 44:18
  S3: And we see this time and time again where Jesus
• 44:21
  S3: is asking questions. I even use the the example of
• 44:24
  S3: Philip and the Ethiopian eunuch. That story in the book
• 44:27
  S3: of acts doesn't work without questions. Uh. The spirit prompts
• 44:31
  S3: him to go by the chariot and says, do you
• 44:34
  S3: understand what you're reading? And the eunuch says, how can
• 44:36
  S3: I unless someone explains it to me? And then from
• 44:39
  S3: that the gospel is proclaimed. He comes to faith, and
• 44:42
  S3: then there's baptism. And the eunuch says, uh, you know,
• 44:46
  S3: there's why, why should we let, uh, baptism, uh, pass
• 44:49
  S3: us by? Because water's right here. And so without questions,
• 44:53
  S3: conversion doesn't happen. Proclamation. The gospel doesn't happen. I think
• 44:57
  S3: question asking can be one of the greatest ways that
• 45:00
  S3: we engage in evangelism, of showing people that we care
• 45:03
  S3: and that we're hospitable. Moving forward. And so we've got
• 45:06
  S3: to recover questions in our evangelism rather than just give answers.
• 45:10
  S1: That, okay, I'm trying to decide if we've got time
• 45:12
  S1: for one more question. We can get one more question in. Michelle,
• 45:15
  S1: we'll go to you. But you've got to be super fast. Go,
• 45:17
  S1: go right ahead.
• 45:19
  S11: Okay. Thank you for taking my call. And I am
• 45:22
  S11: absolutely excited because I wanted to find ways to engage
• 45:27
  S11: my granddaughter. She's 12 years old. She comes after school.
• 45:32
  S11: How was your day? Fine. And now I have other
• 45:37
  S11: ways to really converse with her because I'm very interested.
• 45:44
  S11: I'm very interested in her school, her life and all
• 45:49
  S11: of that. And I want to say one more thing
• 45:51
  S11: right quickly.
• 45:52
  S1: Okay. Unfortunately, Michelle, I'm coming up at a time. I
• 45:54
  S1: got less than a minute. If you can say it
• 45:55
  S1: in 10s, you can go.
• 45:58
  S11: This book, I have done some of these things from
• 46:01
  S11: this book without even knowing. Piggybacking on what the gentleman
• 46:05
  S11: said before me, asking God how to relate to people
• 46:12
  S11: through questions.
• 46:13
  S1: Love it. Michelle, sorry, we're up on the end of
• 46:15
  S1: the show. Love that you're doing this cross generationally. We
• 46:18
  S1: got about 30s left. Tell us how one exhortation on
• 46:20
  S1: asking questions.
• 46:21
  S3: Yeah, especially with your granddaughter. I think one of the
• 46:23
  S3: most important things is, um, see if whatever you can
• 46:27
  S3: do to ask a question that that is impossible for
• 46:30
  S3: your granddaughter to answer with one word, ask questions that
• 46:34
  S3: are thoughtful and much more open ended. Um, and like
• 46:37
  S3: I mentioned earlier, see if you can create a note
• 46:39
  S3: on the note section of your phone of just really
• 46:42
  S3: engaging questions. Number two. And then the third thing, follow
• 46:45
  S3: up questions are great. Anyway, you can follow up. That
• 46:48
  S3: can be a beautiful gift.
• 46:49
  S1: Our guest has been J.R. Briggs. The book is the
• 46:51
  S1: art of asking questions, pursuing stronger relationships, healthier language and leadership,
• 46:56
  S1: and deeper faith. Thanks for listening to Ed Stetzer live
• 46:58
  S1: from Moody Radio.